And when I shall die, take him and cut him up in little stars, and he will make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will fall in love with night and pay no worship to the garish sun.
Romeo And Juliet.
I had written this quote down in an old diary that I brought with me to Forks. I scribbled hearts around it while thinking of his pale porcelain face. I knew nothing of him then; nothing of his immortality, strength, speed, or how dangerous he was. All I knew then, was that he was the most beautiful being I’d even seen in my life. But ‘beautiful’ is too feeble a word to describe Edward. Beautiful is described in the dictionary as:
1. Having qualities that delight the senses, especially the sense of sight.
2. Excellent; wonderful.
Edward was far more than this.
To this day, I’ve never been able to think of a great enough word to artuculate how perfect he is. Edward has pulled at my – now lifeless – heart strings since the first time I laid eyes on him. I see some of those indescribable qualities in myself now, and in our daughter, Renesmee Carlie Cullen. The family calls her ‘Nessie’ for short.
To say my life has changed ‘drastically’ since moving to Forks, Washington would be the understatement of a lifetime. However, my life – in all its immortal glory – isn’t the only thing that has changed.
My appearance has also become incredibly distinct.
When I used to look in the mirror I’d see a soft, plain, pale, brown-eyed girl looking back at me. Now I see a porcelain skinned, red-eyed, strong, beautiful… vampire. I’m still not used to saying that word. I doubt I ever will be, and an eternity is a long time to not be used to something.
One thing I’m happy I won’t have to get ‘used’ to are my eerily crimson eyes. They are slowly changing, falling into a golden–brown color with the tinges of red that drown out more with each day. I’ve stopped wearing my contacts around Charlie and Charlie’s partner, Sue. Alice sees great things happening between those two. It makes me happy to know Charlie isn’t as lonely.
They still don’t ask questions, and I still don’t offer any information. After watching Jacob transform into a wolf, Charlie has become aware of the fact that there’s something very strange happening. That there’s more to this world than he could have ever imagined. However, he also knows that no one would ever hurt him. I promised him that much.
Sometimes I go back to Charlie’s house in the middle of the night to check on him. I crawl through my old window and silently glide into his room to usually find him dreaming of something either fishing or work related.
I miss him.
I miss a lot of things. I’ll never have to miss Edward, though. Never again.
Jacob comes to visit Renesmee often. A little too often, but I am understanding more and more. Renesmee is growing so very fast, and Jake wants to be there to see everything. She often shows Edward and I that she loves Jacob. She looks at him like a best friend, or a brother. For now.
I’ll always be incredibly grateful for Jacob and his bravery when the Volturi came. I was thankful to have him there, to run with Renesmee in case the Volturi decided to fight. I’ve always been so grateful for Jacob, for being there, for being my sun. Always.
I’m going to sign off now. Edward and I are going to go sing Renesmee to sleep. Well, Edward is going to. I can’t sing. But, I watch. I love watching my two angels. The two loves of my life.