February 21, 2009
Having speed, strength, immortality… it’s great. However, the simple things – like being able to spend time at Isle Esme with Edward without him having to fear for my life, my safety – mean the most to me.
This was our real honeymoon. Our chance to be together, without fear, without questions and without the pain of a half-human, half-vampire child growing inside of me. It was the best honeymoon anyone could have asked for.
“I cannot live without my life! I cannot die without my soul.”
-Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights)
This was the quote Edward had inscribed onto the bracelet he had waiting for me at Isle Esme. He’s known for a long time about my inexplicable fascination with Wuthering Heights and, without my knowing, he re-read the entire novel and picked it apart in an attempt to understand me better. He said this quote meant a lot to him, and reminded him of when he thought he had lost me when Nessie was growing at incredible speeds inside of me. He felt guilty, as if he were my killer, much like how Heathcliff felt about Catherine Earnshaw.
This bracelet means a lot to me. So much thought was put into it, and the fact that it means a lot to Edward makes it even more special. I wear it on the opposite wrist of the silver bracelet Jacob gave me with the tiny wooden wolf – which later was accompanied by a small heart shaped crystal from Edward.
It is made of white gold, and feels smooth in texture against my cold, hard wrist. The quote is engraved along the front, and where it ends, the clasp for adjusting the bracelet begins. It’s really beautiful, almost as beautiful as Edward.
While at Isle Esme, Edward showed me how great it feels to be under the clear blue water with the ability to go without oxygen indefinitely. Everything under the water was so clear to me. Every grain of sand sparkled from a different direction as the sun beamed down into the water. Every bubble vanished almost as fast at it came. Every creature had a different texture, clearly visible to me, even under the dark water.
It was incredible, breathtaking.
Aside from swimming with the porpoises, we watched the sunset every single night and spent time in the small jungle. Everything was so vibrant. The colors on the parrots, the texture of their feathers, the green of the jungle, the suns rays beaming off the water. It was all so beautiful. I vaguely remember my first time at Isle Esme, and though it still seemed beautiful… it was nothing like this.
I somehow feel selfish for the amount of closeness I got with Edward during our visit. Laying on the sand watching the sun set, twisted around him and feeling his lips press against the top of my head was the best feeling in the world. We spent countless hours laughing together, exploring the island, watching sappy movies, discussing our future together – and of course, we took advantage of our ability to be fearlessly intimate.
Kaure was there. The cleaning lady who is quite frankly petrified of Edward; who Edward believes is onto something. When she first saw me, she hastily mumbled a bunch of words I couldn’t understand, looked me up-and-down, then again… and again, then she finally ran off after a single bead of sweat slowly began to drip down the side of her face. I suspect she sees that I am different now. She suspects I am one of them.
When Edward and I returned back to Forks, we couldn’t wait to see Nessie. For the first time in my life, I understood why Charlie would get so excited to see me every summer, and why it hurt him so much to see me go back home after my visits with him. We missed Nessie so much and it literally hurt to be away from her.
Aside from all of our fun, we are happy to be back with our family. Nessie updated us on her adventures with Jacob, while Emmett interrupted to updated Edward on the baseball scores. Not surprisingly, Nessie grew a little more and seems smarter than she was when we had left her. The rate at which she learns is astonishing to see.
Right now, Edward and I are growing more and more in love by the day. It’s funny how one day you truly believe you are as in love as you could possibly be. The thought of being more in love confuses you because you believe you’ve achieved the highest degree of love there is, only to discover the next day that you’ve fallen even deeper, somehow.
I’m going to go to the meadow with Jake, Renesmee and Edward now. We all love to go out there and watch Nessie roam around and be free. She always wants to be there… she feels safe in the meadow. I will write again soon to keep you updated on our lives!