Dear Diary (Anger)

March 3, 2009

I could not help it. I was so angry at those horrible punks for putting my Dad through this. Having to see him so lifeless, laying in his hospital bed, unable to do anything… it hurt me so much.

The bullet had shifted a little closer to Charlie’s heart, and Carlisle confronted me with an option. His option? To turn Charlie. Even though I don’t need to breathe, I somehow felt out of breath, so confused, so… angry. I couldn’t believe it had come to this.

I… killed the criminals.

I hate that word, and I am so mad at myself right now, disgusted by my lack of self-control.

After Carlisle told me that Charlie might not make it – unless we tuned him into a vampire – I started to feel numb. I somehow felt boiling hot, like my face was burning up… like my chest was on fire.

I lied to Edward and told him I had to leave the hospital for a while because the smell of fresh blood throughout the building was causing my throat to burn. It wasn’t, though. I was actually tolerating the sweet aroma very well.

I told Edward I was just going to go back to Charlie’s house to gather my thoughts and get away from all the human scents. Where I really went, though, was to find the criminals. I didn’t know what I was going to do. I never put much thought into it. I just knew I wanted revenge for what Charlie was going through.

We had finally gotten a description of the men from witnesses. One was short and thin with black wavy hair down to his shoulders. The other was medium height with a medium build and shaggy brown hair covered by a baseball cap. They were seen driving back in the direction of Seattle in a black older-make SUV, later found out to be a 2000 Cadillac Escalade.

I had the license plate number too, thanks to a very helpful witness. I was off to Seattle, looking for the criminals while a heated anger surged through my body. I drove around aimlessly in my now like-new 1953 Chevrolet pickup truck. I tried to talk myself out of it, but the more I tried, the more I wanted to find them and rip them apart. Even the classical music that swam softly through my trucks’ speakers couldn’t help clear my mind of the masochistic thoughts.

Finally I saw it, the black SUV, parked outside of what looked like an abandoned old locksmith store. The faded, almost deteriorated sign read ‘Emergency Locksmith Services Available,’ and it was half hanging off of its place just above the door that had a ‘Closed’ sign in it.

I got out of my truck and tried to stay calm, remembering how much harm I could cause now, so easily. After numerous attempts at tapping on the glass, I began to bang quite hard, almost cracking the glass. Finally, a short dark haired man approached. I clenched my jaw and rolled fists instinctively. As soon as he opened the door I pushed him out of the way, careful not to use too much force.

The man fell hard to the ground and yelled some obscenities at me. I didn’t really hear much of what he said; my anger overcame me before I knew what was happening, like I had never thought possible. The witness report stated that the other man with the shaggy hair and baseball cap was the one who shot Charlie.

He was the one I was after.

He was standing there, right in the middle of the abandoned room with a confused taking over his face. Probably wondering how someone so small had the power to knock over a grown man with one swipe of my arm.

I wasn’t concerned with what he was thinking, though. At that point, I just kept seeing Charlie’s weak, pale face. And I kept hearing Carlisle’s voice telling me that Charlie might die, or have to be turned if the bullet shifted anymore.

My throat burned, but I didn’t want their blood.

I couldn’t stand the thought of having a criminals blood inside of me. What I wanted was to make them pay.

“I believe you shot my father,” I hissed. “Wrong move.”

Before I even had a second to think, I was holding the medium-built man by the throat. All I could say was ‘you shot my father’… then with one swift movement, I tossed him into the wooden rafters. The short black-haired man tried to sneak up from behind me, but I turned and before I knew it I had him in my arms and was effortlessly tossing him into the glass door at the front of the building.

Both men were bleeding and my throat burned as though someone touched a hot curling-iron to the soft flesh. My body was stiff; I felt like I was made of concrete, so solid and almost-indestructible.

I sprung effortlessly from the ground up to the wooden rafter and grabbed the shaggy-haired man by his head, then began to snap it – once to the right, then to the left. It was so easy for me. I had never felt the full extent of my power until then. I had never been an angry young vampire until Charlie got shot.

Even when the Volturi came, I was angry, but unsure of their intentions – which kept me steady. This was different. Someone I love actually did get hurt.

The man fell lifeless through the rafters and thudded to the ground. The short man was bleeding in a mess of glass, yet still managing to yell, ‘Who are you? You can’t be a human.’ Then he said something that made me completely lose any small bit of control I had left. ‘Your father deserved what he got, you’re a monster. He created a monster. He deserved it. Cops are monsters too!’

I narrowed my gaze to him, then flew down onto him, tearing his limbs apart, fast and in a malicious manner. I couldn’t control myself. For the first time since becoming a new vampire, I lost control.

I killed two humans. Two feeble, fragile humans.

I burned their bodies before I left, and tossed the remnants under the floor boards. I sat in my truck for a few minutes and thought. I didn’t feel guilty for killing the humans who harmed my father. I felt guilty for lying to Edward, and for putting our family in harm. The Volturi shouldn’t find out it was one of us who killed the two men, but I worried that someone saw me. What if someone knew I was more than a human? That I wasn’t normal.

Before I knew it, a yellow Porsche whipped around the corner and Edward flew out of the passenger side, with Alice not far behind, flouncing from the drivers side.


Alice saw me in her vision and told Edward. It wasn’t hard to figure out.

Edward opened my door and hugged me. I was afraid he would be mad, but all he said was, “I love you Bella. You need to know that what you did doesn’t make you a monster.”

Edward is the meaning of unconditional love. He loves me, no conditions, no questions. I told him that I didn’t think I was a monster for killing the men who harmed Charlie, but for lying to him. He assured me that he understood.

He knew how angry I was.

He also told me he was thinking of finding them himself, but Carlisle had talked him out of it and said he would take care of it himself, like he did the man who tried to attack me in Port Angeles.

We drove back to the hospital where the rest of the family was, keeping Charlie company. Carlisle was working, keeping everyone updated on Charlie’s condition. They were getting ready to operate. Carlisle wanted to know, before he operated, if I would approve of having Charlie turned should something go wrong.

I told him no.

This isn’t the life Charlie would want. He wouldn’t understand it. The simple things in life made Charlie happy – like fishing, steak and cobbler from the diner, watching me grow up, baseball and beer. He wouldn’t understand this life. Plus, I want to know that if he does go, that he will be up there, watching over me. Hopefully reserving a spot for my soul, should I leave this earth one day.

I’m going to go now. I’m heading back to the hospital to spend the night with Charlie. Pretending to fall asleep. Trying to look human. I will update you all on Charlie’s progress.

Keep Well.



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Hey there! My name is Autumn and I wrote Bella's Diary. I'm also the website's owner/creator.
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