Dear Diary (To Volterra)

The Volturi weren’t going to stop at anything. Our coven was becoming more strong and powerful than they ever expected – and they didn’t like it. They were going to try anything in their power to either take us down, or take our most powerful members. The Cullens don’t care about power, though. All we’ve been trying to do is live as close to a normal life as possible, happily. The Volturi, however, have been making the ‘happily’ part nearly impossible.

I thought I had reached my full potential as far as strength goes with the punks who shot Charlie in the line of duty. This feeling – this was different, though. I was lost somewhere between an almost blinding malevolence and fear. Fear for her. Fear that she had been hurt. I couldn’t think like that, though. Every time I did, I became weak again. Bolted to the ground, unable to move, to talk.

Even Edward – my love, my angel, my life, wasn’t enough to even slightly calm the vicious energy that surged through my pale dense body. He, too, was blind with anger. His expression was unreadable, his fists clenched so tight they were somehow more white than normal.

We were speeding to the Seattle airport faster than I knew a car was capable of going. Charlie, Alice and Jasper came with Edward and I – while Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle and Esme stayed back to search Forks and the surrounding area for traces of Baylor – and any other Volturi member. Once they were certain no one was there, they would meet up with us in Italy. The wolves had to stay back, for obvious reasons, but were going to contact us if they found anything.

I had to compose myself for the flight that even immortality couldn’t make seem short. In fact, this was the longest flight I’d ever had to endure. At times, I found myself on the brink of breaking down again, unable to move. I tried to keep my eyes closed the entire time and picture us happy again. I pictured Edward’s butterscotch eyes lighting up as Nessie reached her tiny hand out to him and called him “Daddy.” I pictured Jacob and Nessie skipping rocks at the beach, as they often do. Without warning, my lips curled up into a smile when I pictured the time Nessie chomped down on Jacob’s arm so hard it made his face scrunch up as if he just ate something too many days past it’s expiration date. You could never look at her innocent face, those big brown eyes, that beautiful golden hair – and think she had so much strength. She really is a miracle.

My thoughts involuntarily switched to the Volturi and of course, my rage burned it’s way through my body, unable to escape. I had to rest my head on Edward’s shoulder and wrap my free arm tightly around his stone torso to keep my thoughts away from the one thing that could possibly throw me into a raging fury. I was afraid the rage would cause me to yell out loud – or do something worse. I really didn’t know what I was capable of. These feelings were all so foreign to me, unpredictable.

Alice and Jasper kept their eyes almost glued to Charlie, who had the window seat. I could see that his mind was in a turmoil. For a new born vampire like Charlie, it’s normally nearly impossible to be in such close proximity to a group of blushing, blood filled humans without becoming ravenous and extremely dangerous. I could see the struggle in his expression, but I could also see ease, at times. Jasper’s gift for making those around him feel calm was working it’s magic. Alice was keeping Charlie’s mind occupied, too, by asking questions about the game – and fishing. When the stewardess would periodically come by, Charlie would discreetly place his pale hand over his mouth and nose, making sure not to breathe in any of her scent. She looked at him with confusion drowning out all her other expressions.

When the plane finally landed, I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. The line up at the car rental agency was far too long to wait in, though. We didn’t have a choice – Edward hijacked a steel blue colored perfectly shined car that was left running, half full of luggage. Like the time Alice hijacked the Porsche, I felt as though I should be wearing a black stocking over my head. At least this car was a little less conspicuous.

We were racing against the sunrise, driving impossibly fast – though still not fast enough. In the distance I could see the ancient sienna walls and old towers surrounding the steep hill. The car slowed with the steep climb of the hill, only a little, but enough to make it feel as though we were driving through quick sand. The streets ahead became very narrow and the colors all seemed to blend into each other with no color distinction between the brick road and brick buildings.

This was all too familiar, yet different at the same time. Last time I was here, it was Saint Marcus Day and the streets were backed up and flooded with people and red flags. Ironic. This time it was much more calm, a typical tourist attraction. Eventually we were close enough that I could see the Palazzo dei Prioro – a wave of emotions washed through me and I saw Edward watching me out of the corner of my eye. I could tell he was thinking the same thing I was – the clock tower was a reminder of how close we were to losing each other, forever. I looked away, unable to juggle anymore emotions.

Alice’s visions had been foggy and almost unreadable the entire time. The Volturi kept changing their minds, aware of Alice’s ability to see them if they solidify their course of action. She couldn’t see Nessie or Baylor, either. Her head was beginning to ache from all the different unreadable visions.

We were far enough into Volterra now that we could start searching for them. We ditched the hijacked steel blue Jaguar XP and headed for the first alleyway we saw. It was important for us to keep discreet, for now. We had a back up plan, of course. If the Volturi didn’t free Nessie, we planned to expose what we are to all of Volterra – or at least threaten to. We were all dressed casually, keeping as much skin covered as possible. We looked like tourists – Alice even had a camera around her neck and Charlie and Jasper were wearing hats.

Ten minutes hadn’t even gone by when two dark shadows approached, walking towards us. One was extremely large, thick. I recognized him, too. Even if Edward hadn’t muttered his name under his clenched jaw, I would have recognized Felix. Demetri was slightly less recognizable, though – his cloak casting a shadow that with the rising sun reflecting off his pale skin almost made him look like an empty cloak. They both eyed Charlie from under the shadows of their hoods with uneasy expressions clouding their shadowy ashen faces.

Demetri reached out to Edward and clasped his hand on his forearm firmly. Edward was reading his mind, focused, making his expression unreadable. I could see that Charlie was using his ability to make those around him feel compassion as both of the cloaked men smiled and clasped their hands in from of themselves gently. He’s learned to use his power only on those he chooses, thankfully. The last thing I needed was to feel compassion for those… monsters.

Felix spoke out loud so we could all hear what Edward was hearing. “Aro has been expecting you. He thought there would have been more of you. If you’ll follow me down, I’ll take you to him.”

We complied…

Tags: Volterra, Edward Cullen, Bella Cullen, Charlie Swan, Alice Cullen, Jasper Hale, Nessie Cullen, Volturi, Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn, Stephenie Meyer

Dear Diary (Rage. Anger. Fury.)

My jaw was locked, eyes frozen on the ground. For the first time since becoming a strong new vampire, I felt weak. Weaker than a human. My hands were rolled into balls, locked and unable to open. I couldn’t move. My feet felt fastened to the ground. Even if I wanted to crumble and fall, I couldn’t. I couldn’t do… anything.

His voice echoed in my ear, vaguely. The voice of an angel. It was calming, yet had a worried undertone to it. I couldn’t make out the words he was saying, though. In the distance I could almost hear an inhuman noise. It sounded like high pitched crying. It was constant, non stop. Within seconds the noise grew – doubled, then tripled. The angels voice was being drowned out by the howls. Right… howls. I felt accomplished once I realized the inhuman noise was Jacob, and that he had at least two other wolves with him. I felt like a child, trying to understand the most basic sounds.

My normal drastically sharp vision was now dimmed. I could still see every texture on the twigs below me. I could see every tiny grain of dirt on the ground, it was just dim. Only moments before everything seemed vibrant, bursting with texture and colors. Now, only dimness.

I was only half aware of the speed we were going, and that I was strapped tightly to Edward’s back listlessly. The trees that seemed so bright and vibrant when we were hunting now passed dimly, almost eerily. I don’t know how I ended up on Edward’s back. My hands were still balled into fists, my jaw was still locked.

I recognized the big white house. I even remembered who lives there. Things were beginning to make sense again, almost. I could hear Edward’s voice more clearly now. It was velvety, flawless. Each word poured out so smoothly. He adjusted the tone of his voice with each word, making it melodic, harmonious.

“Carlisle, Renesmee is gone. She was sleeping… then…I can’t explain now. We need to find her. Please, everyone, start searching all over. We’ll keep going until we find her. I don’t care how long it takes or how far we have to go.” Edward’s face somehow seemed more pale than ever. A perfectly white canvas. His words, however, no longer seemed harmonious.

I looked up at Edward in disbelief. I couldn’t comprehend why he would say something like that to Carlisle. Was he trying to play some kind of sick joke on the rest of the Cullens? They looked scared, too. They were all gone, out the door instantaneously. I felt bad for them, and, I was afraid of Edward. I gazed at him and I could feel that my facial expression was clouded with fear. He looked angry. Too angry to be joking. Maybe, he wasn’t playing a trick on the Cullens.

Edward’s words echoed in my head. “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…” “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…” “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…” “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…” “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…” “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…” “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…”

Everything flashed before my eyes. I saw Alice bringing Nessie back home to sleep, Edward and I reading Renesmee two stories while she dozed off, Jacob coming by to watch her sleep, Edward and I hunting. I even remembered Edward’s smooth glass lips pressed onto my head after we finished hunting. Then, I remembered the almost deafening howls of Jacob. The last thing I remember hearing was “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…”

I was resurfacing now. My comprehensibility was returning. I could hear the wolf howls perfectly in the distance. I even recognized who all three wolves were. Jacob, Seth and Leah. They all have distinct pitches which I’ve come to know off hand from spending so much time with them all when the Volturi were coming for Nessie. The dimness lifted and everything seemed almost more bright than usual now. My feet no longer felt bolted to the ground. I could hear Edward’s voice perfectly clear. “Bella, are you ok. Bella. Please Bella, say something. Anything.”

I was about to say something for the first time when Alice uncharacteristically almost stomped into the house with a pained expression on her face and forced out the words that would make me go from being a stupid lamb to a sick masochistic lion.

“It’s Baylor. We caught his scent behind the cabin. We followed it as far as we could through the woods… but it disappeared. We’re going to split up and track him. Keep your phones on you, Bella… Edward.” It wasn’t even half a second before Alice was back out the door.

Rage. Anger. Fury. I was completely and irrevocably consumed by these emotions.

To be Continued…

Tags: Bella Cullen, Edward Cullen, Charlie Swan, Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn, Alice Cullen, Jasper Hale, Rosalie Hale, Emmett Cullen

Dear Diary (she’s gone)

My entire body was frozen – departed from my mind which was moving a million miles an hour. The lifelessness in my body was battling with the outrage, placing me in an almost fog – like confusion. I stood still in my crouch, my lips stretched over my teeth for half a second before the outrage finally won. I didn’t have a chance to look at Edward, but I could hear his growls and sense his indignation…
*****************************************************************************************

Renesmee, to my surprise, had a great time playing dress up with Alice. She loved trying on the dresses that were far too long on her and the heels that she could barely stand in. Although Nessie is shy, she really opens up around Alice. She laughs a lot and her voice becomes more animated than normal. Her eyes are always wide with curiosity as Alice explains the difference between real and knock off designer labels and other fashion related topics. I’m extremely grateful to have everyone around, to offer Renesmee the things I can’t. Alice is there for her if she ever needs fashion advice. It’s good to have Emmett because he can teach her to play sports… or at least try. Rosalie can teach her how to fix cars and Jasper likes to teach her about numerous history related topics. I can’t forget about Jacob, of course. He’s always there to keep Nessie protected and make her feel more loved than any almost two year old in the world, pretty much. I couldn’t ask for a better family to help Edward and I take care of our nudger. She is very lucky… and so are we.

Alice had brought Renesmee back to our cabin after the dress up party. She was still wearing a black gown that was way too long for her, and a beautiful set of pearls on her almost translucent neck. Edward scooped Nessie up and brought her into her room to put on her favorite pj’s and get her ready for bed. After Alice left, I joined Edward in Nessie’s room to read her some stories before she dozed off.

Renesmee was already in a deep sleep by the time Jacob came by. He said he wanted to see Nessie before she went to sleep. He was too late, but asked if he could stay to watch her sleep anyway.This isn’t uncommon for Jacob. When he feels the need to see her he’ll stop by, anytime. He often comes by in the middle of the night just to watch her sleep. He sits by her bed and sometimes we even catch him humming to her. Reminds me of someone.

Edward and I hadn’t hunted in days, and we were feeling somewhat weak from our thirst. Since Jacob was already with Nessie, watching her sleep, we asked if he could stay a little longer to watch her while we went out to hunt. Of course he didn’t mind.

Our hunt was uneventful, like usual. Actually, it was a little too easy. The deers come out closer to the edge of the forest at night, so we didn’t even have to go that deep into the woods. In fact, the edge of the forest was circled by glowing, round beady eyes, all watching Edward and I – waiting for us to make our move, and we did.

I got my deer first. Edward has this thing with making me go first so he can watch me. He thinks it’s entertaining, still. I don’t think he’ll ever get used to seeing me attack and drain the blood from my prey. I don’t blame him, though, considering he once had to drag me to the nurses office in school when we were blood typing.

Once I was done, Edward attacked his deer so fast I almost missed it. He was thirsty.
The forest was quiet, peaceful. Edward walked quickly toward me then leaned over and pressed his beautiful rock lips onto the top of my head. I am still always completely blown away with his perfection. When he’s near me, I feel like I want him closer than what’s even possible. I want him completely pressed against my body, no space in between. Sometimes, it feels like I can’t get close enough, like I want to drape him all over myself like a sheet and get lost in him. Like I want him to clasp me into his strong, solid arms and never let go. Never. I feel selfish, though. I get to spend eternity with this Godlike statuesque beauty, yet I want more.

I leaned up and kissed him back, pushing the selfish thoughts from my head. I never thought this serene, beautiful moment would be followed by a living hell. Jacob’s high pitched howl was almost deafening. My entire body was frozen – departed from my mind which was moving a million miles an hour. The lifelessness of my body was battling with the outrage, placing me in an almost fog – like confusion. I stood still in my crouch, my lips stretched over my teeth for half a second before the outrage finally won. I didn’t have a chance to look at Edward, but I could hear his growls and sense his indignation.

As soon as we were close enough to the cabin that Edward could read Jacob’s mind, he confirmed my deepest fear. “It’s Nessie.” His voice broke with her name. Jacob’s russet fur was standing on end, his teeth exposed and snapping louder than I thought possible. I broke free from my fog-like state long enough to demand that Edward tell me what Jacob was thinking. I wanted him to suck the words back up and swallow them as soon as they came out. “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…”

Tags: Renesmee Cullen, Bella Cullen, Edward Cullen, Twilight, New Moon, Breaking Dawn, Eclipse, Jacob Black

Dear Diary (Clumsy)

I really thought my clumsiness would have disappeared along with the blood in my veins and my beating heart. It didn’t, though. I still stumble and trip, and I run into things a lot, too. I’m not perfect like him. Edward carries himself with the grace of an angel while I am constantly on the verge of tripping over my own feet or smashing my stone like body into a glass door. Yes, I did that.

Then there’s Alice. She carries herself with so much poise and grace that I often wonder if she’s floating. She’s so tiny, and her movements seem almost motionless. Alice, too, is very shocked that I haven’t become more breezy and poised since being turned. I have improved, of course, just not a lot from what I remember and from what Edward and Charlie tell me.
My outer appearance would suggest that I’m at least slightly graceful, but looks can be deceiving. In comparison to Alice’s elegant, almost harmonious movements, I’m pretty much a walking immortal accident waiting to happen – which is why Alice decided to devote the entire day to giving me a lesson… or ten on how to be more “chic”…as she likes to call it.

In order to be the part, I had to dress the part. Alice’s words, not mine. For the lesson, Alice made me wear a cream colored, silk, floor length empire waist gown with black lace trim. I didn’t like the dress, but I loved Edward’s reaction when he walked into the room. His sculpted jaw dropped slightly and his butterscotch eyes grew along with his bewildered expression. Alice cleared up the confusion in a hurry, though. “No Edward, we’re not planning another wedding for you and Bella. You just had your first one not too long ago. I’ll wait a little longer before I start bugging for another wedding.” Great. Alice is unstoppable. I’m not fond of large celebrations, but having a second wedding with Edward doesn’t seem like the worst thing that could happen. Maybe one day. Probably soon, if Alice has any say.

Edward’s face retracted back to it’s perfect normal set, almost. His eyes remained larger than normal and seemed to be glued to me. I thought he was trying to tell me he wanted to talk to me in private, but he assured me otherwise. “You’re beautiful Bella. Perfect. And, for the record, I would marry you a hundred times. Alice, don’t change my perfect angel too much, please. I love her the way she is. Clumsiness and all.” He grinned then disappeared into the room with the white piano and started playing a beautiful melody. Alice yelled after him. “Oh Edward, if immortality wasn’t enough to nix Bella’s clumsiness I’m sure I don’t stand a chance. It’s still fun trying, though.”

I suddenly felt like one of those dolls that comes with a number of different out fits. The ones that come with accessories like fancy pearls and numerous pairs of shoes. I need to make a mental note to pick a few of those dolls up for Alice. Maybe she will lay off me if she has a bunch of dress up dolls to poke and prod at instead.

Our first lesson was “Graceful Walking.” I have to admit, after a few pointers from Alice, I am actually lighter on my feet. It’s definitely been hard adjusting to my rock like body. It feels harder and heavier than ever – plus my strength naturally makes me thud when I walk. Alice taught me to be more aware of each movement, to think of each step as walking on delicate breakable ground. So far, it seems to be working. Emmett hasn’t been calling me “the vampire hulk” lately.

After completing a number of lessons, we were finally on our last lesson. “How To Dress Elegantly For Your Body Type.” I didn’t know ‘cold hard stone’ was a body type, but in the end I learned how to pair the right shoes with the proper jeans. Though I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing the heels Alice tried to convince me to wear, I now know that they supposedly elongate your legs, thinning them and adding height and grace to your appearance. Thanks, Alice.

After she was done with me, Alice thought she should get a head start on Renesmee. She’s terrified of Nessie becoming a “clumsy fashion faux pas” once she’s fully grown. Again, her words, not mine. I felt bad for my little nudger, but she loves being with her Aunt Alice. Besides, once I get Alice those dress up dolls, Nessie will be saved. Hopefully. Edward was back at the cabin by the time Alice finished with me so I went back to be with him, still in my silk gown. By this time, Alice had put soft ringlets in my hair and a white flower in the crown she braided around my head.

Edward was more than pleased…

Will write again soon.

-Bella.

Tags: Renesmee Cullen, Bella Cullen, Edward Cullen, Twilight, New Moon, Breaking Dawn, Eclipse, Jacob Black

Dear Diary (Plotting)

Rosalie and Renesmee went hunting together today, alone. It was hard to pry Nessie away from Jacob, but Rosalie… well, has a way with words. She can leave even Jacob speechless, sometimes. Her love for Nessie is immeasurable, though. Rosalie can fill some of the void that plagues her existence by having Nessie around. The main reason Rosalie dislikes being what we are… vampires, is because she will never be able to birth her own child, be a mother. For that, she has an excessive amount of resentment towards me. I managed to enter this ceaseless life with a child. I managed to become an immortal to live forever with the love of my life, Edward, and still have a child. She wasn’t so lucky. I get that, and that’s why it makes me happy to see Rosalie light up when she’s around Renesmee. Sometimes, though, I feel like it’s a tug of war between Jacob and Rosalie. The thing is, Rosalie will face disappointment again one day once Nessie reaches her full maturity, when she’s seven, like Nahuel, the half human half vampire Alice found to prove to the Volturi that Renesmee wouldn’t hinder or harm our kind in any way.

Like Nahuel, Renesmee will look and think like a fully mature girl when she is just seven years old. Her mental and physical growth rate is vastly accelerated. So, if Renesmee chooses to marry Jacob once she reaches full maturity, that’s her choice. Of course, we’d be gone from Forks by that time, too. With Renesmee’s almost painfully obvious growth rate, we should leave Forks soon, actually. However, that will be a whole other diary entry.

Right now, Rosalie is being quite obvious about her plan to prevent Nessie from marrying Jacob, one day. She’s already expressed that she doesn’t believe it’s right, for a werewolf and half-vampire to spend the rest of their lives together. We are each others natural enemies. I get that. This is different, though. Jacob can’t help the fact that he has imprinted on Nessie. All he knows is that he needs her in his life for as long as he lives. He would do anything for her, too. If Rosalie had it her way, though, Renesmee would marry a vampire, or another half human half vampire.

As Renesmee grows, which is seemingly everyday, Rosalie is getting more and more possessive of her. She spends more time with her now than ever, and conveniently tries to take her away when she’s with Jacob. Edward read Rosalie’s thoughts, too. She’s been thinking a lot about Nahuel, and how he would be perfect for Nessie. She even asked Alice some questions about him the other day. She wants to find him again in a couple of years, when Nessie is more mature, and spend some time getting to know him. Like I said, her plan to keep Jacob from Marrying Renesmee is obvious. The hard part is keeping Rosalie’s plot a secret from Jacob. Once he imprinted on Nessie, that automatically meant he would do everything in his power to be near her… anything. If Jacob discovered Rosalie’s intention, he could quite possibly try to destroy her, to keep her from interfering with him and Renesmee.

Lately, Edward has been hissing at Rosalie, more than usual. He wants her to know he will do whatever it takes to ensure Nessie ends up with who she decides. All we want for her is to be happy. Right now, she’s happiest when Jacob is around. Her cheeks plump up into a rosy blush, her smile grows larger than we thought possible, making her eyes sparkle and when she touches her tiny hand to my cheek I can see that her thoughts are almost completely consumed by Jacob. She tells us, too. She talks mostly about Jacob, and is otherwise quite shy. I wonder where she got that from. Most importantly, when Jacob isn’t around, she wishes he was. He wishes he was, too. His thoughts are exhaustively about Nessie. Edward used to constantly listen to Jacob’s thoughts, making sure he didn’t have any undesirable future intentions. Jacob’s thoughts are always pure, though. He genuinely just wants and needs to be with Renesmee. Edward and I both trust him, too.

For now, we’re going to keep a close eye on Rosalie and make sure she doesn’t succeed at keeping Nessie and Jacob apart. Nessie did come from Edward and I, though, so I can trust that once she’s matured, she’ll make her own decisions, like I did. No matter what they happen to be.

Will Write Again Soon

-Bella

Tags: Renesmee Cullen, Bella Cullen, Edward Cullen, Twilight, New Moon, Breaking Dawn, Eclipse, Jacob Black

Dear Diary (Guilt)

We were out on a hunting trip when we discovered Charlie’s gift. At first, Edward and I had no idea why we couldn’t bring ourselves to attack the deers that seemed to be almost crowding the forest that day. A sudden, inexplicable rush of sympathy washed through my entire body. Edward, too, was unable to bring himself to harm the deer, which we normally refer to as “food.”

Edward and I were confused beyond explanation. Our throats were flaming, we hadn’t hunted in days, yet we couldn’t bring ourselves to harm the deer. I suddenly felt horrible for even considering it. Guilty. Edward and I stood still in one spot, looking in each others direction, frozen. Charlie watched us, confused by the fact that we weren’t tackling ourselves some dinner. He was just as confused as Edward and I were. Edward, however, could read Charlies thoughts. Charlie was thinking that he didn’t want to see me hunt. He didn’t want to see his little girl pounce on a deer and drain it’s blood. Understandable. This would been the first time Charlie went hunting with anyone other than Carlisle, who insisted on teaching Charlie the proper and discreet way to hunt, and make sure he didn’t catch the scent of humans and turn into a masochistic monster.

After a few minutes of standing still with an almost inability to hunt, the feeling finally started to slowly fade. Edward and I were able to see the deer as food, like we’re supposed to. It finally clicked. Edward heard in Charlie’s thoughts that Charlie didn’t want to see me hunt. He was afraid to see me, his daughter, who has always been so weak and gentle, kill a deer with my bare hands. When he was standing there, waiting for me to attack my prey, he was able to control my emotions, making me feel completely sympathetic and guilty. He made it so Edward couldn’t seem to bring himself to wrestle the food that stood within a few feet of him, either. When Charlie feels anxious, or worried, he can cause those around him to feel sympathy and almost unbearable guilt. For instance, if we were in the middle of a vicious battle, and a vampire was about to attack me, Charlie would feel anxious and cause my rival to feel too loving and guilt ridden to want to attack me. His power is similar, somewhat, to Jasper’s ability to calm. The main difference is that Jasper calms you, taking away your anxiousness. Charlie makes you feel like you love everything and everyone around you and causes guilt to wash through you. Even if you wanted to, you couldn’t hurt a fly.

Charlie is learning to control his power now. He has already learned to turn it off when we’re hunting. It still comes on, from time to time. Mostly when Edward gets too close to me. It makes Charlie anxious to see Edward press his godlike lips onto mine. In the middle of a kiss we will both start to feel overwhelmingly guilty and excessively full of compassion. Great. Every fathers dream – to be able to make his daughter feel overwhelmed with guilt anytime he wants.

Rosalie seems to be getting over her hostility towards me, slightly. I overheard her talking to Emmett, telling him how completely blown away she is by Charlie’s choice to be turned, to save us. She doesn’t mind having Charlie around, either. They get along well, and she is in awe of the control Charlie possesses. I think, though, that Rosalie will forever be deeply confused by mine and Charlie’s choice to become what we are. She will never understand why we would leave behind our human lives, to become immortal. Rosalie will never understand my absolute need to be with Edward for as long as he’s alive. Forever. To me, Edward is worth any sacrifice. I gave up my life to be with him, and I don’t regret a thing. Rosalie and I have two completely different points of view, which to me is perfectly fine. I understand her point of view. I just wish that one day, she will learn to at least accept mine.

Right now, Jacob and Charlie are visiting. Jacob is trying to explain imprinting to Charlie. Edward is reading Charlie’s thoughts, and they aren’t good. He can’t wrap his head around it. I think it’s something you need to witness before you can understand it. At first, Edward and I had the same detestation over the fact that Jacob imprinted on Nessie. As Nessie has been growing, we see that Jacob is genuinely connected to her. He wants to protect her, make her happy and always be there for her. As her parents, Edward and I couldn’t be more enthralled by everything between them. She really lights up when Jacob is near. Soon, Charlie will see what we see. I think.

I’m going to go now. I need to go help Jacob try to explain this to Charlie. Edward just shot me my favorite crooked grin and I’m assuming it has something to do with the jargon that’s going on in Charlie’s confused mind.

Will Write Again Soon.

-Bella

Tags: Renesmee Cullen, Bella Cullen, Edward Cullen, Twilight, New Moon, Breaking Dawn, Eclipse, Jacob Black

Dear Diary (Lucky)

We wanted to have Jacob present while Charlie was reintroduced to Nessie, as an immortal. She always feels safest when Jacob’s around. Charlie reassured us about a hundred times that he was ready to see Nessie, so we finally brought her to the Cullen’s house so she could meet the grandfather she would now have in her life, forever.

Carlisle was having a difficult time understanding why Charlie and I weren’t completely savage after being turned. He has a new theory about it. Carlisle theorizes that humans who were turned by vegetarian vampires, are more stable. We still have the almost unbearable thirst, which is accompanied by a raging forest fire in our throats, but we are strong enough to control it. Normally, though, when a vampire is a newborn, they can’t control it. It’s nearly impossible.
Carlisle turned Rosalie, who has never tasted human blood, ever. She thirsts for it, naturally, but seems to have her thirst under control. He also turned Edward and Esme. Edward, as we all know, has immense control over his thirst, which he proved every time he was around my then intoxicating scent. Esme, too, has a great deal of control over her thirst. Her compassion outweighs her desire to drink human blood. Emmett was also changed by Carlisle, and he adapted to the vegetarian lifestyle tenaciously. He actually enjoys his bear hunts, and is making the best of what he is.

Alice and Jasper weren’t turned by Carlise. Jasper has struggled the most with controlling his thirst. Carlisle has had the hardest time taming Jasper, and it could quite possibly be because he was turned by a vampire who went by the usual diet of vampires, and drank human blood. Although Alice’s creator remains unknown, Carlisle believes he could have been adhering to the vegetarian diet, too. James, the tracker who almost killed me, destroyed Alice’s creator, so we will never know. Alice possesses a great deal of control, though. If Carlisle’s theory is right, then it probably means her creator survived off the blood of animals, too. The fact that he had the compassion to save Alice from James, and risk his own life in doing so, indicates he was a more evolved vampire. He had compassion. Compassion for humans.

If Carlisle’s theory is correct, it would explain why Charlie, though a brand new vampire, is adapting and learning to control his thirst at a much faster rate than expected. It would also, of course, explain why I have been able to control my thirst adroitly. The dry, scratching flame doesn’t make me lose reason.

We brought Nessie over to the Cullen’s house to see Charlie for the first time since being turned. Jacob held her the entire time, keeping her clasped to his large, muscular frame. Before we left to go see Charlie, Renesmee showed us her thoughts. In them, we saw her and Charlie playing in the back yard. They were both smiling and he was looking at her with complete adoration. Nessie looked younger in the vision, too. I remember that day clearly. Charlie took Renesmee out to the backyard to help him pick weeds out from around the house. He used to have me help him with it every summer when I was a little girl. Nessie and Charlie spent a good two hours picking and piling the weeds, then raking the smooth soil where the weeds once grew. Her thoughts brought back vague flashes of when I was a little girl, and Charlie would get excited to take me outside and teach me how to do the yard work. He wanted me to learn how to plant a garden, like my mother, Renee, used to.

It was in that moment that I finally realized just how lost Charlie really was in his human life. He really never was the same since him and Renee divorced, when I was just six months old. Then, when I moved out and married Edward, he felt as though he lost me, too. When Renesmee was born, he became more alive. He loved her. She made him see that he wont be alone. She made him feel like he got part of his family back. We knew there was no way he could hurt her, ever. Not even if his thirst became nearly impossible to bear. He simply loves her too much.

Charlie smiled, his eyes cautious, focused. Nessie reached her hands out for him to pick her up, like he used to. We explained to Nessie that he couldn’t get too close, for now. Edward, Jasper and Emmett stood beside and in front of Charlie, just to be safe. He really was fine, though. His throat burned causing his face to harden slightly, but he was able to suppress it. With a great deal of caution, we slowly brought Renesmee close enough to reach out for Charlie, and touch his cheek. He smiled, stiffly, and told us what he saw. He saw himself and Renesmee in the backyard of his house, pulling weeds out from around the house, smiling. He saw the look of adoration on his own face, too. Although Nessie has many memories with Charlie, this one is special because it was the last time she saw Charlie, as a human.

It was an immeasurable relief to know that Charlie could still be the Grandpa he loved being before becoming a vampire. In fact, Nessie’s scent isn’t enticing to Charlie. He says it’s actually rather unattractive. Like Jacob’s. Nessie and Jacob are together more often than not, so I’m assuming his scent is rubbing off on her, making her pungent smelling.

Jacob’s relief was apparent, too. He released his almost smothering grip once he saw that Charlie wouldn’t be a threat to Nessie. I’m still in shock from this whole experience. I still, from time to time, have to remind myself I can’t be dreaming. I’m used to being in a dreamlike state, though. Every time I look at Edward’s angelic, flawless face and those piercing topaz eyes, I still think I’m dreaming. To this day, I can’t believe I ended up with the beautiful golden haired boy who unwillingly sat next to me in biology, fighting with everything he had in him not to kill me.

Jacob is here now, as he is every night before Nessie goes to sleep. He likes to be with her right up until her eyes droop closed, and she slips into unconsciousness. I’ve never felt so lucky in all my life. I get to have the love of my life, my best friend, my beautiful daughter and my Dad in my life everyday. Honestly, I couldn’t ask for more.

Will write again soon.

-Bella.

Tags: Renesmee Cullen, Bella Cullen, Edward Cullen, Twilight, New Moon, Breaking Dawn, Eclipse, Jacob Black

Dear Diary (Beautiful)

Although I knew it wasn’t possible, I still had to remind myself that vampires don’t sleep. I couldn’t be dreaming. The porcelain-skinned, red-eyed, beautiful man that stood before me was real. By now you would think nothing could shock me, but this… this was different. Everything I had been fighting to avoid was standing right in front of me. Charlie was really standing there.

He was really a vampire.

At first I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. I tried, but they wouldn’t move. I was momentarily unaware of everything else around me. I forgot I was in the middle of a vicious battle. It didn’t matter, either. It was clear that the battle was over. Charlie was one of us now. He was no longer a threat.

Aro hesitantly raised one translucent hand and began to speak. His voice startled me out of my haze. “I can see there is no longer an issue, then. We will go in peace. In the future Bella, remember there are rules and consequences for not adhering to those rules.” He waved to Caius, Baylor and Demetri then they were all gone before I had a chance to respond. They knew they didn’t stand a chance now anyway. Charlie’s strength, as a newborn, would be too much for them. A newborn vampire can be vicious, malicious and extremely dangerous. They are controlled by their thirst. As a newborn, the only thing you care about is extinguishing the burning flame in your throat.

The wolves had all darted into the forest as soon as Baylor unlocked his lethal gaze. Charlie saved them, too. He saved all of us. I never expected this kind of sacrifice from Charlie. I still can’t put into words how completely culpable I feel. If I would have just kept what I am from Charlie, none of this would have happened. Edward still firmly believes something would have happened either way. He believes the Volturi are trying to take the Cullen’s down – leaving only the gifted ones – assuming that once we become too weak, the gifted ones will join their coven and make them stronger. If they had my shield, Alice’s visions and Edward’s mind reading ability, they would be more powerful than ever. I know Edward is probably right, but I’m not scared. I know we’re too strong to take down.

After Edward placed his celestial hand on my waist, I felt almost instantly calmer. As I approached Charlie, I could feel a whirlwind of emotions encapsulating me. He was so beautiful. Before I had a chance to say anything, Carlisle spoke, his soft voice answering some of my most burning questions. “Charlie and I went to Vancouver, initially to keep him from the Volturi. Once we were there hiding out, I explained our story to him. We had some time to kill, after all. When he asked if you would be okay, Bella, I didn’t have an answer for him. I couldn’t guarantee your safety. Charlie couldn’t continue to live knowing something could happen to any of you while trying to protect him. He made the decision to be turned after realizing you can become one of us and not be a monster. He did this to protect you. Please know that I only let the change happen because he was certain. He wanted to be one of us.”

Charlie reinforced Carlisle’s words, his face certain, his bright red eyes somewhat disturbing. “I chose this life, Bells. Please don’t be mad. After your Mother and I got divorced, I was never the same. You know that. I felt dead anyway. I figured this life seemed… well, more interesting. Other than the fire that seems to be viciously spreading in my throat, I’m handling it just fine. I couldn’t let anything happen to you, Bells.” Charlie looked emotional, yet still hard and cold as stone.

I could tell that beneath everything, he was still the same Charlie. He didn’t seem to regret his decision, either. Edward was still holding onto me tightly, unsure of what I was thinking. Jasper’s ability to calm seemed to suddenly begin working. I felt fine.

Relieved.

I no longer had to worry. This was the second time Charlie’s life was put in danger because of me. First with the tracker, James. And this time, with the Volturi. Now, I no longer have to worry. Charlie is one of us. He has the same secret as the rest of us now. To be honest, I think I prefer it this way.

Once we got back to the Cullen house, Charlie explained how painful his change was. He had a difficult time, to say the least. He went into great detail about the three days. It brought back memories of my change, memories I’d rather forget. Once he was turned, like me, he adjusted more quickly than normal. Though his throat burns with the same flames that ignited in my throat, he has control. Of course, Charlie can’t go out in public for a while, or be near any humans for that matter. I plan to bring Nessie to see him, just not right away. Though Charlie seems to have control, it’s too soon to guarantee that the temptation wont become too much for him.

It’s taking him some time to get used to the color of his eyes. The crimson shade is deeper than anything I’ve ever seen. His eyes are certainly brighter than mine were. Otherwise, he looks like Charlie, just an inhumanly beautiful version of his former self. He’s adapting to the “vegetarian” lifestyle fine, too. He caught the scent of some hikers while hunting yesterday… luckily he had already fed on a deer, so the temptation wasn’t as intense.

The odd thing about Charlie, though, is that he continues to go on fishing trips, he just does it differently now. He enjoys the blood of sharks, and because they come closer to shore in the middle of the night when the surfers are gone, he doesn’t have to swim out too far to catch one. Not that it would be a problem for Charlie. As vampires, we have the innate ability to swim strong, and fast. Of course, we don’t need air, either. Like I said, he’s the same Charlie, just immortal now.

Beautiful.

-Bella

Dear Diary (Shock)

“Baylor here, has the uncanny ability to subject your dogs to the most crippling pain they have ever, or will ever feel in their lives. He is quite the asset to our coven.” Marcus was grinning, proudly, as he explained why the pack were on the ground howling in evident pain.

Baylor stood stiff, not taking his eyes off the wolves. It was apparent that all Baylor had to do was shoot his piercing red stare at the wolves in order to keep them incapacitated. When he looked directly at one wolf, that wolf would screech and almost scream out in poignant agony. Their screams almost sounded human.

No one saw Baylor coming. Alice’s visions of him are extremely vague, and of course, even when she can see him, she can only see what he’s doing, not where he is. The Volturi are aware of Alice’s visions, too. They could’ve simply not told Baylor he would be coming until the last minute, so Alice wouldn’t see him. Clever.

I snapped out of my state of shock and began to stretch my shield over the wolves, focusing. Nothing happened. I tried to calm myself. Looking at Edward’s beautiful, protective expression helped. I could feel the anger draining from my granite body, and tried again. The wolves were still howling, their eyes weak, their bodies contracting involuntarily. I couldn’t help them. Baylor’s power was too strong. It was overriding my shield, somehow. He never took his piercing red eyes off the wolves, glancing from one to another, keeping them helpless, crippled.

“Are you sure you want this to end in a battle, then?” Caius spoke slowly.
I thought I heard Edward’s teeth snap before he answered Caius. “We aren’t going to let anything happen to Charlie… and we are more than prepared to battle if you wont let this go.”

Aro’s milky eyes flickered from the wolves to me, apologetically. His translucent, fragile skin made it difficult for me to picture him in a battle. It looked as though his skin would peel right off, rip, like the skin of an onion. I shot him one more pleading glance, hoping he would see the desperation in my eyes. He turned to Demetri and began to speak, almost whisper. Aro placed his translucent hand on Demetri, to read his response. They briefly looked at each other, agreeingly.

The loud bang made me move into an immediate crouch. Edward stood in front of me, letting out the loudest growl I’d ever heard. Marcus’s attempt to take Alice down was unsuccessful. Jasper smashed his granite body into him, creating a loud thunder–like crack. Both of them hit the ground with enough impact to leave giant grooves in the field.

I didn’t have time to think before I sprung from my crouch and flew into Marcus with every ounce of strength I had. I used all my strength to keep him down on the ground before Edward came and began twisting his limbs off, effortlessly. I caught a glance of Jacob’s russet fur and pained expression in the corner of my eye, then, with one swift movement I lodged my teeth into Marcus’s throat then twisted his head once, completely disassembling it. A fire was already blazing. We came prepared.

Demetri dug his teeth into Jasper’s rock hard chest. His burgundy eyes looked lethal and, for a split second, I thought Jasper was in danger. Emmett grabbed Demetri off of Jasper and threw him, like a rag doll, across the field. Emmett’s bear-like strength never ceases to amaze me.

Aro and Alice were standing face to face, maliciously growling at each other. It was almost shocking to see Aro, so frail looking, grab Alice and throw her dangerously close to the pit of fire. She quickly sprang back on her feet and began to charge at Aro, eventually smashing into him, creating a deafening bang. He lunged at her, attempting to take a bite out of her solid, perfect, pale body. Alice was so little, her angelic body seemed so breakable.

I had to help her.

Without a second thought, I flew toward Aro, piercing my teeth into the back of his neck, freeing Alice from his hold. He turned swiftly toward me and threw himself on top of me, exposing his teeth. Edward bolted over to us, ripped Aro off of me and threw him – with dominant force – into a tree.

As soon as I could steady myself, I ran over to the russet wolf who was laying in agony, twitching. “I’m so sorry Jacob. This will be over soon. I promise. I’m so sorry I have caused this. Please forgive me.” I hoped he could understand me amongst the blinding pain.

Before I had a chance to finish, I felt myself getting tossed violently across the field, landing just before the fire pit. Demetri charged toward me, grabbed me by my shoulders, held me above the fire and roared. “In one swift movement, I could tear her apart and throw her in this pit of fire. Is the human, Charlie, really worth this to you all?”

Everyone froze.

My face was just inches from the fire. I knew if anyone made a single movement, Demetri would tear my head off and toss me in the fire. He had his strong hands wrapped around my neck now. The fear and anger in Edward’s eyes tore me apart. He knew he would pose more of a risk to my life if he tried to save me. All he could do was stand there, motionlessly.

I wasn’t about to give in, though. I wasn’t about to agree to have Charlie killed. This was my fault. I thought this was it. I began to accept that this would be the end of my existence. The end of my journey. I pictured Renesmee’s beautiful face one last time and felt at peace. Then I thought of Edward. His half grin. His beautiful golden eyes. His sweet, cool breath. I drifted in-and-out of the serenity that my thoughts brought me.

I looked up one last time as if to say ‘goodbye’ to my family and saw everyone’s eyes flicker behind me, their faces shocked. Alice’s jaw dropped. Emmett’s lips curled up in a half smirk, he looked proud. Edward and Jasper looked at each other blankly. I struggled to turn my head around, then Demetri released his grip on me.

The wolves stopped howling, too. Baylor’s eyes were now fixated on the two men who stood before us. Both inhumanly beautiful, pale and statuesque. One, was Carlisle.

The other man stood out. He was slightly different. His eyes were a deep blood red. Thirsty. I could see myself in him. We had the same eye shape. Same hair color, too. He looked so familiar, so beautiful. Then, he spoke. “Bells, I know you wouldn’t have ever allowed this if I had told you. I know you’d let yourself get destroyed before you’d allow anything to happen to me. Carlisle told me that the chances of you surviving this fight were slim and that even if you did kill them all, the rest would come for me, anyway.”

Vampires aren’t supposed to be able to dream. I couldn’t understand how I manged to be having this horrible dream. I wanted to wake up so badly.

I wasn’t dreaming, though.

-Bella

Dear Diary (They Arrived)

The four days leading up to their arrival were, well… torturous. I was on edge the whole time, hardly able to leave the house, only briefly to hunt. The wolves guarded the outside of the house, circling it day and night. Though we didn’t need them there, they insisted on being there, just in case. Every so often Jacob would morph back into human form and come inside to be with Nessie. This was all too familiar. I couldn’t believe how soon I would have to face the Volturi, again, for the second time since being turned.

Rosalie spent most of her time bitterly mumbling loathsome words under her breath, or sometimes just out loud. Edward would get very defensive, but I couldn’t say anything. I knew I deserved the vexatious remarks. Plus, I had a lot more on my mind than seeking Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper’s forgiveness. I’d worry about that later.

It was almost too painful not knowing where Charlie and Carlisle were. They couldn’t call, of course, in case someone traced the call. We had to take every and any precaution. I still worried about them being on their own. If the Volturi were to trace Charlie’s scent and go directly after him, Carlisle wouldn’t be able to handle them all on his own.

Edward’s certainty was the only thing holding me together at this point. He didn’t show any fear and constantly reassured me that Charlie would remain safe. Though I was at my breaking point, I knew I had to stay as calm as possible to ensure I didn’t do anything to hinder Charlie’s safety. I also had to keep a brave face on for Nessie. I never want her to worry. She loves Charlie with all her little heart, too, and would be completely heartsick if anything ever happened to him. Nothing would happen to him, though. I needed to stop thinking of it as an option.

Nothing could happen to Charlie.

Alice drew out the spot where Aro, Demetri, Caius and Marcus would expect to meet with us. The clearing. Big surprise. What did surprise me though, was when Emmett and Jasper told Edward they would come to the clearing with us. Jasper made sure to point out he was only coming to keep Alice safe. Though I’m sure that’s part of the reason, I also knew that Jasper wasn’t as completely furious with me as he was when he first discovered that I had told Charlie about our kind. He hadn’t been looking at me with that atrocious look anymore. He doesn’t really have much of a choice, either. Alice would get snippy with him anytime he snarled at me.

Rosalie was shocked and had the look of disgust on her face when Emmett volunteered himself. He half grinned and told her he was only coming for Edward’s sake. Rosalie didn’t care, though, and continued hissing at him. Everyone was used to her growls and hisses at this point; it had become a common background noise in the Cullen house.

When you can live forever, four days goes by almost impossibly fast. I couldn’t believe we were standing there, in the clearing… again. It was unusually sunny, making us all sparkle celestially. Edward’s face was expressionless, his lips flat, his eyes focused. He was as perfect and beautiful as ever, though. I had to remind myself what was about to happen and drag myself out of my immersed state of awe. I lightly shook my head, reminding myself that Edward would still be there at the end of all of this. We both would. Still together, happy. Neither of us were going anywhere. Ever.

The wolves were laying in a crescent shape in front of us. Jacobs russet fur looked almost unrecognizably lighter in the sun. I could see it pained him to be away from Nessie. She was safe, though, at the Cullen house with Esme. Someone had to stay back with her, and Esme was the most obvious choice.

The uncommon bright blaze in the sky began to set and in the distance we saw four figures seemingly floating towards us. My body hardened, froze. Edward positioned himself one step in front of me, protectively. My eyes fixated on them, shifting from one face to the next. Aro dominantly glided a few paces ahead of Marcus, Caius and Demetri, also fixating his milky eyes on us.

The wolves stood straight up, their chests puffed out, teeth bared, ready to strike. Alice’s vision was right on. There were only four of them. Jane and Alec, the Volturi’s main weapons, were noticeably absent. I assumed they were left behind because the Volturi know their powers are useless against my shield and they would be destroyed easily, ridding the Volturi of their most gifted vampires.

The four of them stood silently before us. Then, Aro spoke. “I see you brought your wolf friends again. It’s good to see you have such a tight bond with them.” His lips curled up into a half smile, though it didn’t touch his cloudy eyes.

The wolves snarled, exposing their razor-sharp teeth. I nodded, waiting for Aro to continue. After a brief pause, he went on. “I believe you know why we’re here. We don’t plan to stay long, but we must take care of the human, Charlie, who knows too much about our kind.” He put his head down then glanced up at me dismally.

I could see their mind was already made up. Caius was about to say something, but I interrupted, pleading. “It’s my fault. I told him what I was. He didn’t ask to know. I can assure you that Charlie would never tell anyone, ever. Just please let him be.”

“My dear Bella, you do know you cannot go around exposing our kind, I hope,” Aro began with a light-hearted smile. “There are consequences for those type of actions, Bella.” He glanced over at Demetri, then clasped his hands together in front of him and continued. “Bella, if we didn’t think there was hope of one day bringing you into our coven and having the chance to use your gift to our advantage, we would destroy you right now, for what you’ve done.”

Edward hissed, leaning forward in a crouch. “I wouldn’t allow that to happen,” he snarled.”Never.”

Marcus took a couple strides closer, then spoke for the first time. “We didn’t come to fight, we are simply here to let you all know that the human must either be killed, or turned into one of us. You have one week from now to decide what you’re going to do. We will be back exactly seven days from now to find out your decision.”

I was shocked to see Alice outright refuse to comply. “I’m sorry, but we’re not letting anything happen to Charlie. He will remain alive, and human. He is innocent and I can vouch that he will not tell a soul. If we have to fight, to keep Charlie alive, then so be it.” Her expression was flat, she revealed no emotion.

All four men looked at Alice in shock before looking at one another, not knowing what to think. Edward, Emmett and Jasper were just as shocked, but agreed out loud that we could not allow anything to happen to Charlie. It wasn’t an option.

Caius’s burgundy eyes flickered from me to Alice before he spoke, the look of disgust dominating his face. “We were afraid this would happen. If it’s a fight you want, we will have to comply. Please know our only mission is to protect our kind. We will do whatever it takes to ensure the human does not carry on with the knowledge he has. Before we battle, though, we will have to take care of your little wolf friends.”

Suddenly every single wolf dropped to the ground, paralyzed, howling in pure unrelenting agony. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. In the far distance, Baylor was walking toward us, his eyes bright red and fixated on the wolves.

I couldn’t have prepared enough for the fight that was about to happen. I couldn’t have prepared enough for the twist it took at the end. I will be back to finish soon, I have to go now, there are some important things I have to do.

Will write again soon.

-Bella.