April 25, 2009
My entire body was frozen, departed from my mind–which was moving a million miles an hour. The lifelessness in my body was battling with the outrage, placing me in a fog-like confusion. I stood still in my crouch, my lips stretched over my teeth for half a second before the outrage finally won. I didn’t have a chance to look at Edward, but I could hear his growls and sense his indignation.
Renesmee, to my surprise, had a great time playing dress up with Alice. She loved trying on the dresses that were far too long for her, and heels that she could barely stand in. Although Nessie is shy, she really opens up around Alice. She laughs a lot and her voice becomes more animated than normal. Her eyes are always wide with curiosity as Alice explains the difference between real and knock-off designer labels, and other fashion-related topics.
I’m extremely grateful to have everyone around, to offer Renesmee the things I can’t. Alice is there for her if she ever needs fashion advice. It’s good to have Emmett because he can teach her how to play sports, or at least try to. Renesmee isn’t a huge sports fan. Rosalie can teach her how to fix cars, and Jasper likes to teach her about numerous history-related topics.
I can’t forget about Jacob, of course. He’s always there to keep Nessie protected and he makes her feel more loved than any almost two year old in the world, pretty much. I couldn’t ask for a better family to help Edward and I take care of our Nudger. She is very lucky . . . and so are we.
Alice had brought Renesmee back to our cabin after the dress up party. She was still wearing a black gown that was way too long for her, and a beautiful set of pearls on her almost translucent neck. Edward scooped Nessie up and brought her into her room to put on her favorite pj’s and get her ready for bed. After Alice left, I joined Edward in Nessie’s room to read her some stories before she dozed off.
Renesmee was already in a deep sleep by the time Jacob came by. He said he wanted to see Nessie before she went to sleep. He was too late, but asked if he could stay to watch her sleep anyway. This isn’t uncommon for Jacob. When he feels the need to see her he’ll stop by, anytime. He often comes by in the middle of the night just to watch her sleep. He sits by her bed, and sometimes we even catch him humming to her.
Edward and I hadn’t hunted in days, and we were feeling somewhat weak from our thirst. Since Jacob was already with Nessie, watching her sleep, we asked if he could stay a little longer to watch her while we went out to hunt. Of course he didn’t mind.
Our hunt was uneventful, like usual. Actually, it was a little too easy. The deers come out closer to the edge of the forest at night, so we didn’t even have to go that deep in. In fact, the edge of the forest was circled by glowing, round, beady eyes, all watching Edward and I, waiting for us to make our move. And we did.
I got my deer first. Edward has this thing with making me go first so he can watch me. He thinks it’s entertaining, still. I don’t think he’ll ever get used to seeing me attack and drain the blood from my prey. I don’t blame him, though, considering he once had to drag me to the nurses office in school when we were blood typing.
Once I was done, Edward attacked his deer so fast I almost missed it. He was thirsty.
The forest was quiet, peaceful. Edward walked quickly toward me then leaned over and pressed his beautiful smooth lips to the top of my head. I am still always completely blown away with his perfection. When he’s near me, I feel like I want him closer than what’s even possible. I want him completely pressed against my body, no space in between. Sometimes it feels like I can’t get close enough, like I want to drape him all over myself like a sheet and get lost in him. Like I want him to clasp me into his strong, solid arms and never let go. Never. I feel selfish, though. I get to spend eternity with this God-like, statuesque, beauty–yet I want more of him. I leaned up and kissed him back, pushing the selfish thoughts from my head.
I never thought this beautiful, serene moment would be followed by a living hell. Jacob’s high pitched howl was almost deafening. My body froze, departed from my mind–which was moving a million miles an hour.
The lifelessness of my body was battling with the mental outrage I felt, placing me in a fog-like confusion. I stood still in my crouch, my lips stretched over my teeth for half a second before the outrage finally won. I didn’t have a chance to look at Edward, but I could hear his growls and sense his indignation.
As soon as we were close enough to the cabin that Edward could read Jacob’s mind, he confirmed my deepest fear. “It’s Nessie.” His voice broke with her name. Jacob’s russet fur was standing on end, his teeth exposed and snapping so hard I thought his teeth would crack.
I broke free from my fog-like state long enough to demand that Edward tell me what Jacob was thinking. But I wanted him to suck the words back up and swallow them as soon as they came out. “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone . . . . “