Dear Diary (Rage. Anger. Fury.)

April 27, 2009

My jaw was locked, eyes frozen on the ground. For the first time since becoming a strong, almost indestructible vampire, I felt weak. Weaker than a human. My hands were rolled into balls, locked and unable to open. I couldn’t move. My feet felt fastened to the ground. Even if I wanted to crumble and fall, I couldn’t. I couldn’t do anything.

His voice echoed in my ear, vaguely. The voice of an angel. It was calming, yet had a worried undertone to it. I couldn’t make out the words he was saying, though. In the distance I could almost hear an inhuman noise. It sounded like high pitched crying. It was constant, non stop. Within seconds the noise grew; doubled, then tripled.

The angels voice was being drowned out by the howls. Right . . . howls. I felt accomplished once I realized the inhuman noise was Jacob, and that he had at least two other wolves with him. I felt like a child, trying to understand the most basic sounds.

My normal drastically sharp vision was now dimmed. I could still see every texture on the twigs below me; I could see every tiny grain of dirt on the ground, but it was somehow dim. Only moments before everything seemed vibrant, bursting with texture and colors. Now, only dimness.

I was only half aware of the speed we were going, and that I was strapped tightly to Edward’s back listlessly. The trees that seemed so bright and vibrant when we were hunting were eerily lackluster. I don’t know how I ended up on Edward’s back. My hands were still balled into fists, my jaw was still locked.

I recognized the big white house. I even remembered who lives there. Things were beginning to make sense again. Almost. I could hear Edward’s voice more clearly now. It was velvety, flawless. Each word poured out so smoothly. He adjusted the tone of his voice with each word, making it melodic, harmonious.

“Carlisle, Renesmee is gone. She was sleeping . . .  then . . . I can’t explain now. We need to find her. Please, everyone, start searching all over. We’ll keep going until we find her. I don’t care how long it takes or how far we have to go.” Edward’s face somehow seemed more pale than normal, more pale than porcelain. A perfectly white canvas. His words, however, no longer seemed harmonious.

I looked up at Edward in disbelief. I couldn’t comprehend why he would say something like that to Carlisle. Was he trying to play some kind of sick joke on the rest of the Cullens? They looked scared, too. They were all gone, out the door, instantaneously.

I felt bad for them, and I was afraid of Edward. I gazed at him and I could feel that my facial expression was clouded with fear, fogged with confusion. He looked angry. Too angry to be joking. Maybe, he wasn’t playing a trick on the Cullens.

Edward’s words echoed in my head.

“It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone.” “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone.” “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone.”

“Someone has her.”

“Someone has her.”

“She’s gone.”

“She’s gone.”

“She’s gone.”

Everything flashed before my eyes. I saw Alice bringing Nessie back home to sleep, Edward and I reading Renesmee two stories while she dozed off, Jacob coming by to watch her sleep, Edward and I hunting. I even remembered Edward’s smooth glass lips pressed onto my head after we finished hunting. Then I remembered the almost deafening howls of Jacob. The last thing I remember hearing was, “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone. . . ”

I was resurfacing now.

My comprehensibility was returning. I could hear the wolf howls perfectly in the distance. I even recognized who all three wolves were. Jacob, Seth and Leah.They all have distinct pitches which I’ve come to know off hand from spending so much time with them all when the Volturi were coming for Nessie.

The dimness lifted and everything seemed almost more bright than usual now. My feet no longer felt bolted to the ground. I could hear Edward’s voice crystal clear.

“Bella, are you okay. Bella. Please Bella, say something. Anything.”

I was about to say something for the first time when Alice uncharacteristically stomped into the house with a pained expression on her face and forced out the words that would make me go from being a stupid lamb to a sick, masochistic lion.

“It’s Baylor. We caught his scent behind the cabin. We followed it as far as we could through the woods. . .  but it disappeared. We’re going to split up and track him. Keep your phones on you, Bella–Edward.” It wasn’t even half a second before Alice was back out the door.

Rage. Anger. Fury. I was completely and irrevocably consumed by these emotions.

To be Continued . . .


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Hey there! My name is Autumn and I wrote Bella's Diary. I'm also the website's owner/creator.
Some of you may know me as 'Krystal,' but I recently legally changed my name to Autumn, so I hope that clears up any confusion.
I like to do a lot of things, but I'm a writer first and foremost. It's my true passion. Feel free to check out my debut novella, 'My Darrling' on Goodreads here!
I'm also currently writing my own vampire/supernatural book series, and I'll keep you updated on that here once I know more.
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P.S. I'm team Edward. ;)
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