Dear Diary (Awkward)

May 18, 2009

Charlie’s eyes were still ablaze with the same eerie-looking shade of red that developed once he was turned into a vampire. For some reason, Charlie’s eyes didn’t seem to be fading, at all. In fact, they somehow seem to be getting brighter, almost glowing in certain lighting.

I understood Sue’s completely panic-stricken expression. I expected it. I didn’t expect Sue to catch on as quickly as she did, though. Before Charlie had a chance to say anything, she clasped one hand over her throat and wrapped the other partially around her waist. Charlie took a long, graceful stride back once he noticed she was afraid.

Sue’s eyes were fixated on Charlie, who was now peering down at the floor, not knowing what to say. I was too confused to say anything. I couldn’t tell if Sue wanted to stay to hear what Charlie had to say, or if she was going to start backing out the door.

Edward must have heard something positive in Sue’s thoughts, because he welcomed her in despite her mortified expression. She didn’t answer to Edward’s invite, though. I don’t know if she could actually hear us — she seemed to be in a cloudy shock-like state.

Without looking up, Charlie repeated Edward’s words. “Would you like to come in, Sue?” He looked as though he was cringing, afraid to hear her response.

Sue was finally able to catch a deep breath before she responded, letting the air out with her words, making them sound like a loud whisper. “You–you’ve become–a vampire.” She rushed over the word “vampire,” almost as though she felt ridiculous to say it.

I understood.

To this day, I sometimes still have to question my sanity when I hear the world out loud.

Charlie slowly lifted his head up, eventually meeting Sue’s eyes. She took in another deep breath, and held it – waiting to hear what Charlie was going to say. Charlie was still waiting for her to respond to his question, but could see she had no plans of stepping inside a house full of vampires.

He re-worded it this time. “Well, Sue, if you’ll come inside I’ll explain everything to you. I won’t hurt you. I promise. If it’ll make you more comfortable I can go get Jacob. We can send someone else to watch Nessie.” He moved his eyes back down to the floor, not knowing what to expect.

Sue came inside. It was as though hearing Jacob’s name made her feel more comfortable, soothed her. Her shoulders relaxed and her eyes retracted back to their normal size. The hand she had wrapped around her neck was now pressed flat against her chest as she checked to see if she was still alive, still had a heart beat. Probably she thought she was dreaming.

Although we wanted to give Charlie and Sue alone time, to talk, it would be far too risky to leave him with her right now. Charlie was a newborn, dangerous. We gave Charlie more space, though. Even let him stand as close to Sue as he wanted. He seemed like he had his thirst under control. It was obvious that Charlie was more worried about what Sue thought, rather than what she might taste like.

I stood just in front of Edward, leaning against his granite chest, his arms wrapped around my waist. Although I was trying to listen in on what Charlie and Sue were saying, I kept getting blinded by Edward’s intoxicating breath against my ear. Every few minutes he would softly press his smooth lips against the tip of my ear, kissing me subtly, making my rock-like body feel as though it was turned back into weak human flesh. I broke myself out of his embrace when I heard his velvet voice whisper, “I love you, Bella.” Those words mixed with the feeling of his cool breath in my ear were too much for me to handle at that moment. I may be strong, I may be able to beat Emmett in an arm wrestle, but Edward is my weakness.

When I snapped out of my intoxicated state I noticed Emmett, who was standing to my left, grinning at me, moving his eyes brows up and down. I wanted to go over there and toss him out a window. I looked back up at Edward, who’s lips were curled up on one side and couldn’t help but laugh. Emmett sure knows how to embarrass me.

When I heard that Charlie was finished reiterating his story for Sue, I focused my attention back on her. I wanted to see her reaction to the seemingly preposterous story Charlie had just told her.

To my surprise, she didn’t seem shocked. Uneasy, maybe, but not shocked. For the first time, Sue glanced up at each and every once of us, keeping her eyes on me a few seconds longer than the rest. I forced a smile, wishing I knew what she was thinking. I don’t like surprises, or suspense. At least I knew she wasn’t going to pass out or have a heart attack.

Cautiously, she placed one shaky hand on Charlie’s knee and smiled. The smile didn’t touch her eyes, but it was genuine. I could tell she was calculating her words before she spoke them.

As she spoke, each word came out carefully. “Charlie, I care about you a great deal. You know that. Despite everything, I want to maintain a friendship with you, to the best of my ability. I can see that despite your differences, you’re still a great person . . . well–vampire, now.” She half smiled immediately after saying that word, then continued. “You can call me anytime, and once you’ve become more adapted to your new life, and you are sure of your control, I would like to get together, to see you again.”

Charlie grinned, and his voice was more alive this time when he spoke. “I would like that, Sue. Thank you for coming, you know, to see me.” He moved his head almost awkwardly from side to side. It was like watching two teenagers getting to know each other. It was painful to watch. But I knew he was happy, and I knew Sue was, too.

Sue seemed pleasantly surprised by Charlie’s new and improved appearance as well. Although it was the last thing I wanted, I noticed Sue’s eyes scanning Charlie, from top to bottom.

Right before she stepped out, she gave Charlie an ego boost. “You look good, by the way. I mean, the eyes are . . . well, you know, but otherwise you look great.” She put her head down and walked quickly out the door, seemingly embarrassed by her compliment–or sensing that it made Charlie feel embarrassed. He called out a quick, “Thanks, Sue. You too,” but she was already out the door.

Once Sue was gone we all went out separate ways, trying to lessen the tense, awkward vibe. Emmett and Rosalie went into the garage. Alice and Jasper went into the back yard, while Carlisle and Esme went upstairs. I invited Charlie back to the cabin with Edward and I, so he could visit with Nessie.

As soon as we stepped in the door Nessie reached out for Charlie with a big, angelic grin on her face. Jacob asked how it went, and I responded with a sarcastic, “Well, nobody got eaten.” Jacob rolled his eyes, trying to fight back a smile.

I am happy to say that I can end this entry on a happy note. I’m with my family, and happier than ever. I honestly can’t think of a time where I’ve felt more content, more elated.

Stay tuned for the next entry a week from today. It’s actually going to be an old diary entry I found in a diary I brought with me from Phoenix. The entry is from before I moved to Forks, before I met Edward.



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