Dear Diary (His Thoughts)

June 26, 2009

Edward wrapped the blood filled vial around his porcelain neck, and grinned, looking up at me with those beautiful golden eyes. Only he could make me feel this weak. It never fails – his breathtaking beauty always makes my stone cold, rock hard body feel like warm jello.

Before I was turned, I wanted to do something special. Something that would remind me of who I am, or was. Something for Edward. I also wanted to know exactly how I smelled as a human. I wanted to know what the big deal was. I nearly fainted when I poked myself. I began to shake as I let each drop of blood fill the tiny vial. I only managed to fill it half way, then I pressed the tiny cap on it to seal it tightly. My hands, warm and damp, threaded a thin piece of string through the small loop on top of the lid then placed the vial in a sock and shoved it to the very back of the drawer.

Though I know Edward’s memory is great, I was still worried he would forget the very scent that initially brought us together. The smell that almost drove Edward to destroy me… that eventually made him fall in love with me. After all, I was his own personal brand of heroin. My scent was like a drug to Edward, and I never wanted to take that away from him.

I gave Edward the vial of my blood in the meadow. It was my surprise to him. It wasn’t much of a surprise, though. He knew I had the blood on me the whole time. His throat was burning because of it. Before we went to the meadow, I drove to Charlie’s house, went into my old room and grabbed the vial from the sock. I kept it clenched in my fist, knowing he would be able to smell it – but hoping he wouldn’t know exactly what it was. It was the thought that counted, though. He didn’t know it was for him to wear on his neck, either – so it was still partially a surprise.

I think if vampires were able to produce tears, to cry, Edward would have been choking up, at least a little. He didn’t take his gaze away from me as he thanked me. “Bella, although I would have never forgotten your sweet, mouthwatering scent, for you to have done this, for me, means more than the world to me. I know how much you hated blood before your transformation. I can’t imagine how hard it was for you to prick yourself and not pass out in the process. Even though this is making my throat burn – it’s worth it, and I can get used to it. I love you Bella. Thank you.” He kissed the top of my head more softly than usual and let his lips linger a few seconds longer.

I knew he was eager to give me the surprise he had stuffed in the black backpack he had dangling from his perfectly pale fingers. I hate to admit it, but I was curious as to what Edward’s surprise was. Earlier on he promised it wasn’t anything extravagant. I’m not a fan of pricey, showy things. Edward knows that.

The grin on his face was larger than usual, meeting his eyes. As he reached into his black bag, he paused for half a second to look up at me, then continued to carefully pull two black square things through the opening of the bag. They looked like notebooks with ribbon tied around them. One had a thin piece of red ribbon wrapped around it and tied into a bow on the top, while the other had a deep blue ribbon wrapped around it with the same bow on top.

Edward stood perfectly still for a moment, gazing down at the black notebooks, almost as though he was reconsidering giving them to me. I took one step closer, hoping he would say something. The look of contemplation was washed off his face by that perfect, God-like smile of his, and he reached his hands out to give me the books. I hesitantly grabbed them from his hands, realizing what they were as soon as I saw the cover of the one on top.

His diaries. I think my shocked expression worried him at first. He was quick to explain. “I don’t think you could ever fully understand how much I really love you, Bella, unless you were to read my exact thoughts. The diary with the red ribbon is a diary from before I met you. When I was depressed… lonely. The diary with the blue ribbon is full of my writings from after I met you. I know you can’t read my thoughts, but this is my way of letting you in to my head, Bella. Please, read them so you can see how much you mean to me. How you saved me…” He stopped, analyzing my expression.

I didn’t know what to say. Edward wanted me to read his deepest, darkest most personal writings. On one hand, I felt as though it would be violating his privacy. On the other hand, I wanted to know him better… to understand him as thoroughly as possible. I’ve never been able to read his mind, either, and that’s always frustrated me. This was my chance. I was finally going to see myself through Edward’s eyes.

“Wow, Edward. I… I don’t know what to say. You don’t have to do this. I know you love me, you know. I know you love me a lot. I feel…” He cut me off. “Bella, I know I don’t have to do this. I want to do this. You let me into your mind. That was one of the best gifts I have ever received. Now, I’m letting you into mine. Don’t be difficult, please.” He grinned as he saw me surrendering, then continued. “I think your favorite entry will be the one from after our first time in this meadow together.” His face was more captivating than ever.

I felt like a little girl who just picked up a copy of her favorite teen magazine and couldn’t wait to get home to read it. I felt a little insecure, too. So may questions flew in and out of my head. What if there was something in there I didn’t particularly want to read? Would it be hard to read about how he nearly killed me?

I pressed the black, leather diaries into my chest, and thanked him. He kissed my ear and whispered “I love you”… almost causing me to crumble. I told him I love him, too, and buried my face in his granite neck, keeping his diaries clenched in my arms.

I promised Edward I would read them alone, with no distractions. I also plan to possibly post a few of his entries in the near future for you all to read. I think it would be nice for everyone to see things from Edward’s perspective, too.

Our time in the meadow went by too fast. We kissed, and talked a lot about the first time we came to the meadow alone together. We looked back on how far we’ve come, and how our unconditional, irrevocable love has gotten us through some of the most dangerous, unforeseeable situations. We laughed, too. Mostly about Jacob. Nothing would have been the same without Jacob, and Edward will forever be grateful for the fact that he helped me live again, when Edward was gone.

It was getting late. We went back to our cabin to get Nessie ready for bed and send Jacob home. After Edward hummed her favorite lullaby and she dozed off, I retreated to our bedroom to begin reading what would soon become my favorite book, Edward’s Diary.


Tags: Edward’s Diary, Bella Cullen, Renesmee Cullen, Jacob Black, Edward & Bella, Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn, Stephenie Meyer, Bella Swan, Edward Cullen, Vampire, The Cullens

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Hey there! My name is Autumn and I wrote Bella's Diary. I'm also the website's owner/creator.
Some of you may know me as 'Krystal,' but I recently legally changed my name to Autumn, so I hope that clears up any confusion.
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