September 21, 2009
I took the beautiful, unique, oval ring from my left ring finger and without wanting to, I placed it on the pale, smooth ring finger on my right hand. Edward watched, his painful expression matching mine. This was about so much more than simply having to switch which hand my ring would be kept. This was the first step to a whole different life, a new identity. For someone who has never been good at lying, I was about to have to spend a lot of time doing it, or at least trying to.
Jacob is excited about our move to New Hampshire, oddly. Renesmee seems to be approaching the same maturity level as Jacob which has brought them closer together than ever. Once we, the Cullens… vampires, have left Forks, the wolves wont have to phase anymore, but Jake will be with us and continue to phase, which will allow him to stay with Nessie, always. This move is making him happy for more reasons than that, though. Jacob has always felt like he would be stuck in La Push forever, and he didn’t want that. I guess he sees this move to New Hampshire as a new beginning. I wish I could be so positive about it.
It’s fascinating, to see how used to this the rest of the Cullens are. They already have everything packed up and ready to go. No one sat around slowly packing boxes and reminiscing on old photos or souvenirs. It almost looked like routine. Their faces were expressionless, if not serene looking. I felt like I wanted to die inside. Everything I am, everything that means anything to me started in this town. I met Edward here. My life. Got reintroduced to Jacob, my best friend. I gave birth to my perfect angel in Forks and then so may things happened in between. I wanted to break down but everyone else was so calm, excited to start over.
I let Edward into my head in hopes that he could see how hard this is for me. I needed to talk about but, but I didn’t want to seem selfish. This is something that had to be done for our safety and all I could think was “I want to stay, forever.” Without even the slightest hesitation, Edward placed his smooth finger to my lips and in a low, silk like voice made it all better. “Bella, remember when you had a hard time leaving your Mother, in Phoenix? How you hated the thought of leaving behind everything you loved for this cold, gloomy town? It’s a normal reaction. You haven’t lived nearly as long as us, so this is all new to you. You’re not selfish, Bella. If anything we have been the selfish ones, for neglecting to take into consideration that this is all so new to you, and Charlie. I can promise you that once you’ve done this a number of times – you will get used to it. It will almost become second nature.” He half frowned, trying to match my mood.
I knew Edward was right, that my fear was a normal reaction that would pass with time. I had to stop and remind myself that he is the reason I’m here. I became what I am to be with Edward forever, and if that means moving all over the world, then that’s what I will do. Besides, I could be happy living in a tree as long as I had Edward and my family with me.
I have to admit, I am dreading school more than anyone could ever know. Not the school part so much, more so having to watch every single move I make to ensure I don’t slip up in any way that would let on that we are different. I’m not used to pretending. Not to this extreme, anyway. Carlisle told us to try to keep to ourselves as much as possible. It’s dangerous to make human friends for obvious reasons – but there’s so much more to it than that. We can’t make friends because even if we don’t slip up and have them as a meal, we could accidentally reveal that we are not human. It’s not hard to tell just by being near us for a few minutes as it is. There is simply no room for error.
In an attempt to remain discreet, we will be leaving in the middle of the night. Sometimes people in small towns can be nosy – so it’s better this way. The moving trucks will be here at midnight and we will all catch a flight shortly after. I haven’t seen the new house yet, but Carlisle showed us pictures, and it is definitely impressive from what I could tell. Like I mentioned before, we are keeping the Cullen house, Charlie’s house and the cabin. We want everything to be the same for when we move back to Forks. After everyone has passed on. It’s sad to think about it that way. Almost eerie. Of course, we will come back to Forks for visits. Our cabin is always there when we need it.
I will let you know how everything worked out next week. I know that as long as I have Edward, everything will be okay. I hope.
EDIT: Looking for a new dark love story to read? I have written a novella called, ‘My Darrling.’ (This is not the Willow series I’ve been working on, rather it’s a small side project.). You can read a preview and purchase ‘My Darrling’ HERE.