mydarrling


Dear Diary (Unfinished)

October 26, 2009


Edward and I were in the middle of laughing about something when his face went blank, expressionless. After a couple of seconds his eyebrows knitted together and his lips pulled down on the sides. We were pulling into the driveway of our house, so I assumed he heard something in someones thoughts, but before I had the chance to ask, he was already inside. I followed quickly behind him and within a few seconds I understood exactly why Edward had such a rapid change in mood.

Nahuel was sitting shyly on the cream colored couch, his eyes darting expeditiously from Rosalie to Jacob and resting a few seconds longer on Renesmee. My jaw dropped and I let out a loud threatening hiss that I half startled myself with. My eyes were locked on the back of Rosalie’s head, and although I knew she was aware that Edward and I were standing there, she would not turn around.

As Edward approached Rosalie, I stood at the door, in my now half crouch, afraid to go near her. I was afraid of what I would do to her after she blatantly refused to respect our wishes. Jacob glanced over at me, then made his way over to let me know exactly what had happened. He kept his voice to a low whisper, which somehow made me relax my stone hard body. “I had no idea Rosalie was arranging this the whole time behind our backs. Nessie was with me out back in my place, then after about an hour Rosalie called her over to the house. I came over with Nessie and…”  Jacob paused, then glanced over at Nahuel and continued. “That hybrid child was standing in here. Rosalie keeps insisting she just wants a friend for Nessie. Someone who… who understands her.” He put his head down, almost as if he were ashamed of something.

I knew Jacob was going to start to actually believe that Nahuel was better for Renesmee. I remember a time when I felt like I wasn’t good enough for Edward, so I know exactly how he was feeling. I was disappointed in Jake, though. I thought after everything he witnessed between Edward and I that he would know, first hand, that it’s okay to be different. Edward taught me so much about myself, about life. I taught Edward a lot, too. We learned, and grew, from each others differences. We never gave up on each other, despite the seemingly impossible. I know there is no way Jacob could ever give up on Renesmee. I mean, he has imprinted. I just don’t want him to give up on himself. To actually believe that he’s not good enough for Renesmee. I can’t predict the future, that’s Alice’s job, but I know one day Nessie might fall in love with Jacob. I also know that I can’t think of a better person in this world that I would rather see her fall in love with.

I assured Jacob that there is no one better for Nessie. Jacob is her best friend. He protects her, makes her laugh and has helped her understand the meaning of unconditional love. We both agreed that it would be absolutely fine for Renesmee to be friends with Nahuel, but we weren’t going about it Rosalie’s way. It was almost as though she was trying to perform some sort of delusional arranged marriage. She wants things her way, regardless of if it makes Nessie happy, and I wont allow that to happen.

I could see Edward was trying to walk a line between furious and welcoming. He didn’t want to make Nahuel feel unwelcome. After all, this was not Nahuel’s fault, and we truly do not disapprove of Nessie being friends with him – we just don’t want Rosalie forcing them together, and shutting Jacob out while doing so. This isn’t her call to make.

Edward was mumbling, almost whispering something to Rosalie and she retorted in a loud, sarcastic sounding voice. “So Renesmee isn’t allowed to have friends other than Jacob? Because that’s really healthy for a child, to only have one friend.” She rolled her eyes and something in me snapped. I wasn’t afraid I would hurt her, I know I’m better than that. But, I was going to give her a piece of my mind.

I flew into the room where they were all standing awkwardly, yet still gracefully. I saw Carlisle’s eyes grow larger than normal out of my peripheral view as I stood there, face to face with Rosalie, my eyes locked on her seemingly confused eyes. For the first time since I have known Rosalie, I gave her an unabbreviated piece of my mind. “Listen, Rosalie. I like Nahuel. I love Renesmee. I love Jacob. This has nothing to do with Edward and I not wanting Nessie to have friends. That is completely ridiculous. I see what you are trying to do, and that is what makes me angry. You’re bothered by the fact that in this crazy world of vampires and werewolves, that Renesmee’s best friend happens to be a werewolf. Sure, imprinting might seem weird to you, and it seems weird to me, too. Craving human blood seems weird to Jacob, though, but it’s not something we can change. We can’t help the fact that we thirst for innocent humans, just like Jacob can’t help what he is.” I stopped for a moment, surprised by Rosalie’s expression. She was listening to everything I said. Her face looked softer, her features relaxed.

I lowered my voice once I knew that some of what I was saying was getting through to her, and continued. “Look, I understand that you were forced to do things in your life that… that you would not have chosen on your own. But that should have made you realize more than anyone that it’s not okay. It’s not okay to be forced to do something that you don’t feel in your heart. I don’t want Renesmee to feel obligated to like or dislike anyone. She can and will make her own decisions, and if you try to influence them anymore, I will have no choice but to leave – to take Nessie away from you so that you can’t do this to her anymore.” I felt Edward slip his hand around my waist, as though he was reinforcing everything I said.

Rosalie nodded her head, folded her hands together then walked out of the room. She didn’t say a word. She didn’t even say goodbye to Nahuel. I apologized to Nahuel for everything before he left and thankfully he understood. Alice walked him out and let him know that he was welcome to come back anytime. I half laughed to myself  as I thought of how dysfunctional Nahuel must think we all are, and that he probably would never take Alice up on her offer to come visit anytime soon.

A few minutes after Rosalie left the room, I followed after her. I didn’t want any hostility between us and I needed to know that she wouldn’t continue trying to control Nessie’s life. Everything felt so unfinished. So fragmented. Edward tried to follow behind, but I asked that he let me talk to her alone.

I have to go now, Alice and I are going shopping for Halloween decorations. She wants to make the new house the spookiest house on the street. This should be interesting. I will write again next week and let you know how our talk and the Halloween decorating went.

-Bella

EDIT: Looking for a new dark love story to read? I have written a novella called, ‘My Darrling.’ (This is not the Willow series I’ve been working on, rather it’s a small side project.). You can read a preview and purchase ‘My Darrling’ HERE.

XO

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Autumn

Hey there! My name is Autumn and I wrote Bella's Diary. I'm also the website's owner/creator.
Some of you may know me as 'Krystal,' but I recently legally changed my name to Autumn, so I hope that clears up any confusion.
I like to do a lot of things, but I'm a writer first and foremost. It's my true passion. Feel free to check out my debut novella, 'My Darrling' on Goodreads here!
I'm also currently writing my own vampire/supernatural book series, and I'll keep you updated on that here once I know more.
I'm friendly, so make use of those social icons and feel more than free to add me! Thank you for visiting Bellasdiary.com.
XO
P.S. I'm team Edward. ;)
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