mydarrling


Dear Diary (Forever A Cullen)

November 29, 2009


Charlie’s brand new Cullen crest is in the form of a ring, similar to Carlisle’s, yet different enough to be able to tell them apart. I think, somehow, the ring makes Charlie feel more whole. This entire change, and introduction into a world of mythical creatures, has taken it’s toll on him. It left him trying to find his place, forever, in this world.

I know he wonders what he’s going to do with himself for so long. He worries about finding someone to spend eternity with. Edward tells me, of course. He tries to stay out of Charlie’s head as much as he can, but sometimes, I ask him to check in to make sure everything is okay. Especially when Charlie is being quiet.

A sense of belonging washed over Charlie’s face when he opened the box that held his ring. His bright red eyes seemed warmer, despite their eerie color. One side of his mouth curled up as he examined the ring before putting it on and I could tell he way happy, peaceful. He had been alone for so long, and now, he’s surrounded by a family who will always be there for him. He will never have to be lonely, and he knows that.

For Renesmee, it made the most sense to get her a bracelet, just in case one day someone wants to add something to it. Her link-clasp bracelet is 18k white gold, and glistens like an icicle against her pale skin. We discovered that she really loves the snow, so along with her Cullen crest charm, Edward got her a snowflake charm with round brilliant diamonds on just the tips of the snowflake. The bracelet is sweet and subtle. Perfect for her age.

If you asked me if we should give Jacob a Cullen crest of some sort, I wouldn’t even have to think about it. Yes. I would give him one in a heart beat. It’s not up to me, though. I haven’t been part of this family for nearly as long as the rest of the Cullens, and I wouldn’t ever want to offend them. They have a lot of pride in how they live, and I understand that. It’s difficult living the way we do, as ‘vegetarians,’ always fighting an intense urge to tear peoples limbs apart and have them as a snack.

Jake hasn’t ever had to feel the moral struggle; the burning, blazing fire in his throat reminding him of how easily he could tear up any human and drain their aromatic blood without wasting even the smallest drop. He struggles with what he is, too, but it’s different, less of a moral struggle.

I kept my thoughts to myself and let the Cullens deliberate for as long as they needed to. When I suggested we include Jacob, Carlisle didn’t seem shocked—in fact his face was blank, almost as though he had been expecting my proposal. I asked nicely. Actually, it was more of a suggestion.

When Carlisle asked me to come into his office, I bit my lower lip, anticipating the worst. Although it’s not my decision, I really hoped, for Jake’s sake, that they agreed to officially make him part of the family. I told myself not to show my disappointment if they decided against giving Jacob a Cullen crest. I wouldn’t want them to feel bad for their decision.

When I walked into the office Carlisle was standing over his desk looking down, his statuesque body still, motionless. He didn’t look up at me, he just grabbed a black box off the desk and started speaking, still not making eye contact with me.

“Jacob, well . . . when he transforms into a wolf, all of his belongings get shredded. Esme and I picked out this Cullen crest charm for him to attach to the string he keeps around his ankle, that way it will stay with him.” He finally looked up at me and smiled, twisting the box in my direction to show me the charm.

It was perfect. The hook was large and looked durable. And the crest itself, it had more of a warm, golden-color over it–almost as though someone painted gold flecks onto it. I picked it up out of the box and noticed it was a lot heavier than everyone else’s. Jake would need something stronger, something that would stay together, even after a long trek through the woods.

Edward came into the office as I was looking over the crest, examining every little detail. His half grin made him look conflicted, and he probably was. Edward can’t help but find it somewhat unusual that a werewolf has become such a prominent part of this family full of vampires. He trusts Jacob, but he worries, too. He worries about what could happen if Renesmee decides one day that she doesn’t want Jake around. Or, if she decides to have a relationship with a different boy when she’s older. I worry about that too. I don’t want Jake to get hurt anymore. I think I did a good enough job of that myself.

For now, we are just taking everything day by day. But while Jacob is here, and while he’s making Nessie so happy every day, we all consider him part of the Cullen family. Rosalie might not be completely sold, but, well . . . we never exactly expect her to be the most cooperative to begin with.

We all filed into Jacob’s little house in the back, and I kept the small black box hidden to my side. Carlisle spoke up first and let Jake know how much we all appreciate his presence in our lives.

One by one we all told Jacob how appreciative we were, and I think it confused him. While Alice was talking, Edward mumbled something under his breath about Jake’s thoughts. “He thinks we’re buttering him up to let him down softly. He thinks Carlisle and the rest of us have decided not to give him the crest.” Edward smiled and it seemed to light up the tiny living room we were all crammed into.

Finally it was my turn to talk and the words seemed to flow boundlessly from my lips. I covered everything I could remember about my human life, and of course, everything we’ve been through together since. I love Jacob, and he knows that. It’s not the kind of love you feel when you want to be with someone; it’s the kind of love you feel when you know you always want that person in your life, as a best friend.

After too much talking, I finally uncovered the black box I had been hiding to my side, wedged between Edward’s body, and mine, then tossed it over to Jacob.”It’s from all of us.” I couldn’t hide the excitement in my voice. I scanned the room quickly to catch everyone else’s expressions and noticed even Rosalie smiling.

Jacob popped the lid up and his eyes grew about twice their normal size when he saw what was inside. Time goes by quickly when you’re an immortal, but somehow, it seemed to take forever before Jacob finally said something. We all waited, without interrupting, for him to talk, but nothing. He just stared down at the charm in the box with his now gigantic eyes. Finally, Renesmee went over to him and sat down next to him, looking up with the most angelic smile I’ve ever seen.

Nessie brought Jacob out of his moment of silence, and as he snapped the box back shut, he let us know exactly what he was thinking. “I love it. I really do. I had to think for a minute, about what the rest of the my family would think. I still have to consider them, a little. But I guess after leaving them to move with a bunch of vampires, nothing else could really shock them anyway. Thanks, everyone.” Jake looked over at Edward and added a little jab. “Since I imprinted on your daughter, I guess I’ll be a permanent fixture in this family anyway.” His smile was warm, contrasting with Edward’s icy expression.

Edward still hears nothing but pure thoughts in Jake’s head, so he knows he doesn’t have to worry. Nessie is getting a lot taller now, and her features are maturing a lot, but Jacob still knows he has to wait until she is fully mature before he even thinks about seeing her as anything other than mine and Edward’s little girl. His intentions are pure, he doesn’t need to be reminded, and Edward and I like it that way.

Once we were back in the Cullen house, Carlisle explained to me that he didn’t have to think twice about giving Jacob a crest. His concern wasn’t ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ it was what they would get him that would be durable enough for Jake’s lifestyle.

I am blown away every day by the Cullen’s ability to be so accepting.

Alice made a good point, too. “He doesn’t eat humans, so he’s more than welcome in this family.” Her eye lashes flitted and she danced into the next room with Jasper. She does make a good point. Jacob isn’t harming humans. In fact, no one from his family is harming humans, they’re saving them.

Nothing feels different. It’s not like now that everyone has their Cullen crest some sort of huge change has occurred. But the family does feel more whole. The crest symbolizes devotion to this family, to the ‘vegetarian’ way of life, and I feel like now, we all have something to show for our continued restraint. It feels good.

-Bella

*Thank you to Debbie. D for the inspiration behind the crests!

 

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Autumn

Hey there! My name is Autumn and I wrote Bella's Diary. I'm also the website's owner/creator.
Some of you may know me as 'Krystal,' but I recently legally changed my name to Autumn, so I hope that clears up any confusion.
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