Dear Diary (Fred)

July 2, 2010

NOTE: This entry will make more sense to those who have read ‘The Short Second Life Of Bree Tanner.’ If you haven’t, you should still be able to follow. Sorry for any confusion, and happy reading!


Hearing Dr. Cole’s menacing hisses and shrill half yells brought me back to the burning; a memory I’d like to tuck into a bottle and send out to sea. He tried diligently to repress the scorching, excruciating pain, and after almost a day his chocking, feral outcries became more subdued. But I knew it was just because he had given up. He realized that nothing in his power could extinguish the fire that was blazing, scorching and burning it’s way through his body. He probably began to wish for death. Death would have been a lot easier.

Carlisle stayed with Dr. Joseph Cole throughout his entire change, watching over every movement, every small detail, his eyes hardly flickering from Dr. Cole’s painful expression. Near the finishing stages, Dr. Cole’s heart thudded and thrashed like helicopter blades. It sounded as though it was going to rip through his chest and take flight at any moment. We knew then that it was almost over. The blaze was dwindling. Finally, the violent thudding came to a halt. It was over. Dr. Joseph Cole was one of us.

Renesmee stayed with Jacob in his small cabin in the back. Blood runs through her veins, and Dr. Cole will be craving blood – will kill for blood, regardless of the fact that he did this all to save lives. I was certain he would forget the value of a human life, that the burn in his throat would drown out his desire to help save humanity. I was almost certain that his thirst would overpower his desire to help the sick, weak, fragrant human beings.

I was wrong.

Dr. Cole opened his piercingly blood red eyes and the most charming, animated smile danced across his lips. He stared straight ahead for the greater portion of a minute, then slowly, calculatedly, his eyes drank in everything in the room.

I had never seen anyone look at a blank wall with such obvious delight before. I understood though. His vision was amplified to the point where he could see every single particle of dust in the air. Every smooth detail of our skin. Everything was so clear to him now, like he had been blind his entire human life and finally, for the first time, he could actually see. He could smell every note of the pleasant fragrance in our breath. He could hear the sound of Jacob’s heart beating in the backyard… and Renesmee’s, but I wouldn’t allow myself to think of that.

Dr. Cole wasn’t thirsty and his first words as a newborn were very confusing to us all. “Carlisle,” he half whispered, his bushy eyebrows knitting together in confusion. “When will I begin to crave blood?”

Everyone in the room had a clouded expression, especially Jasper, who was probably hoping Dr. Cole would have a hard time repressing his burning desire to drink in any human he could get his hands on. Poor Jasper. All these new vampires are making him look bad.

“I don’t understand Joseph,” Carlisle said, his perfectly composed voice concealing his concern. “Is your throat burning?”

“It is burning, yes. More of a dull ache than a burn, but I don’t want blood just yet. I’m certainly not craving it.”

Carlisle looked around the room at all of us, looking for answers. He was speechless, we all were. Edward was reading Dr. Cole’s mind, of course, scanning his thoughts for any indication of thirst.

“His thoughts are pure,” Edward said, still scanning, trying to catch even the tail end of a malicious thought in Dr. Cole’s head. “It will take some time, but the burn will intensify soon. Every change is different. My assumption is that because he had studied us for so long, and knew what to expect that he will have greater control, but regardless, he wont be able to fight his nature. Blood is his source of everything. His existence.” Edward was right. Dr. Cole would begin to crave blood sooner or later. Every change is different and it seems like those few who came into this willingly have more control.

After a few short-seeming hours Dr. Cole admitted that the flame in his throat was beginning to scorch him. He still had no desire to kill anyone, but it was time for his first hunt – before the blaze got out of control. Carlise, Emmett and Jasper took him to the most secluded forest in the area, just outside of town. When they returned we all got the play by play from Emmett, as if he were a sports broadcaster. Apparently Dr. Cole was a natural.

Carlisle wants to keep Joseph around for another month, to make sure he adheres to the rules. To make sure he remains a vegetarian and to ensure that Dr. Cole learns to control his strength, his thirst and to make sure he doesn’t do anything to expose our kind, in any way. Creating a newborn is really a project. It’s a huge responsibility.

For now, Carlisle has that under control. What we don’t have under control, though, is Edward. Lately, he’s been having a difficult time dealing with the developing relationship between Jacob and Renesmee. My little Nudger isn’t exactly little anymore. She is only four years old, almost five, but she looks like a beautiful blossoming fifteen year old. Maybe sixteen. She has grown even faster than we anticipated. Then again, how do you anticipate how fast a half human, half vampire baby will grow?

Renesmee is beautiful. No other words could possibly describe her. Her huge chocolate brown eyes and lush, full lashes make a butterflies fluttering wings look plain, boring. Her long, pure silk bronze curls illuminate under the sunlight while her rosy red cheeks make rose petals appear bland. Her smile is simply brilliant. She has Edward’s beautiful dazzling grin and it makes me feel weak, somehow, every time she flashes that beautiful, brilliantly dazzling smile. She is taller than me now, too. She is lean and her skin is flawless, glowing.

Although Edward understands Jacob’s attraction to Renesmee, he cannot get over the thoughts he is beginning to hear lately. They aren’t completely impure, but they aren’t as squeaky clean as they used to be, when Nessie resembled a small child.

Mostly, Jacob pictures kissing her, holding her, pressing her against his chest, while she listens to his heart beat. Edward says that he constantly hears Jacob thinking of Renesmee cuddling with him and listening to his heart beat. He wants this more than anything. He wants to show her that he’s alive, and more similar to her than she thinks. He is more than afraid of Nessie being blinded by their differences and losing interest in him. Jacob has been burned before. This is different, though. This would ruin his entire existence. Now that he has imprinted on Renesmee, he can only feel truly alive with her and he wants her to know how alive she makes him feel.

Last night Edward pulled Renesmee’s  bedroom door off the hinges. We were taking turns saying goodnight to her. When it was Jacob’s turn, he kissed her on her forehead, then her nose. Jacob was wishing he could kiss her lips, just once, and of course Edward heard it in his head. We plan to go out tomorrow to get her a new door. It’s expected to rain tomorrow.

“You wont have a house left if you keep popping into my head, uninvited,” Jacob growled, his teeth clenched.”If you hear one thought a week that makes you mad, what’s that? Seven doors? Maybe a bent staircase banister?”

“You wont have a head left if you keep…,” Edward stopped himself, his expression reminiscent of the one Jane causes her victims by smiling at them. It was nearly impossible for Edward to hold back.

“Guys,” Alice chimed in, her voice energetic, like a freshly wound music box. “Renesmee would like to get some sleep, take this down stairs, please.” She half shoved both of them until they began to make their way down the long staircase, and into the living room.

“I’m sorry Jacob,” Edward started, more composed now. “Can you just try to keep your thoughts to yourself when I’m around? Save the impure ones for when I’m not so close? That’s all I ask.”

“I wont make any promises,” Jacob breathed, looking at the television behind Edward, refusing to make eye contact. “But I’ll try… just so that you don’t go ripping her door off the hinges again.”

What Jacob didn’t know was that Edward wasn’t his biggest problem. Tonight, before Nessie went to sleep, Edward, Renesmee and I went hunting. Edward’s eyes were pure black and I was losing my ability to tame the fire burning the walls of my throat to ashes. Or at least that’s what it felt like.

After Edward caught and drank his prey – a more than average plump deer – he turned and met my smile with a repulsed expression. I bit my bottom lip, trying to figure out why he looked so sick, ill. Vampires don’t get sick, but Edward looked like he was about to throw up.

Instinctively, I stretched my shield around him and Renesmee. Edward was back to normal now. Renesmee seemed fine to begin with, but of course, I kept my shield stretched around them both, just in case.

“What’s going on,” I hissed through my teeth. “Why did you look like you were about to get sick?”

Edward’s eyes were focused on something behind me now. Renesmee’s big eyes were darting between me and whatever was behind me, but she wasn’t afraid, she was awestruck. Careful not to disrupt my shield, I turned slowly to face a beautiful tall, blond vampire. It was no secret that he was gifted with the ability to repulse others. It was a mental ability, though, so I was immune. Almost. I still didn’t catch his scent, which was interesting. I didn’t know he was standing right behind me. Oddly, Renesmee was immune, too. She was staring right at him and felt nothing. Edward on the other hand…

“We didn’t know there were others in the area,” Edward said, his eyes scanning the forest to see if the blond had come alone. “Are you just passing through?” Edward didn’t want the boy to know he could read his thoughts. Once someone finds out, they usually control their mind by repeating the same things over and over so that Edward can’t get in their head properly. Edward could only read Fred’s mind when my shield was stretched around him, though. Otherwise, it made him sick to even try.

The blond boy had piercing red eyes. His handsome face was framed with wavy blond hair. His lips were full, soft looking, but curled down slightly on both sides. He seemed unhappy, despondent.

“Actually,” he said, his voice hard. “I came to see you. The golden eyed ones.” He described us like we were a different make of vampire. A different brand. I guess in a way, we are. “The name’s Fred. I was created to be part of Riley’s army a while ago. One of his numbers. I got away, though. You and your friends took out an entire army of newborns – so it’s obvious I haven’t come here to fight you.”

Fred shifted just his eyes towards Renesmee, who was gazing back at him, still in awe. Fred smiled at her and Edward ripped a tall tree from it’s roots and threw it in the opposite direction. I guess I’m kinda happy I can’t read minds, in a way. I don’t even want to know what he heard in Fred’s head.




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