Renesmee’s Diary – A New Feeling

July 9, 2010

Dear Diary,

“Go Jacob, you need to spend time with the pack. You won’t even miss me.” I pleaded for Jacob to go on the camping trip. He’d said he didn’t want to leave without me because he had to be here to protect me.

I assured him I was perfectly fine staying at home with the protection of the Cullens. I projected images of Carlisle and Esme on stand-by, waiting for any predator or harm into his head.

“Ready, Jacob?” Nadia crept behind him, placing her palms of his shoulder. This wasn’t some sort of “friendly” pat on the shoulder, this was a firm hand glued to his shoulder. Nadia didn’t glare at me once, except to give me that sour smile of hers.

I pondered what was Nadia’s problem. She seemed nice when we were introduced, but at one point she began to act rotten. And not just rotten to anyone, just me. I concluded that maybe it might have something to do with me being partially being a “cold one,” but Nadia had no knowledge of the vampire and werewolve world. So, then what was her deal?

“Yeah, I’ll meet you with the pack in a sec.” Jacob kissed me heavily and worriedly.

I touched his cheeks again and showed images of me being content at home with my father.

He formed a quick grin and joined the others awaiting an exciting camping trip.

“Renesmee, you’re surprise is here.” Announced my dad who although was the reason for my separation of Jacob, was being a good sport. He was trying to cheer me up, even more so than he should be. I wasn’t sure if I should be questioning why my dad was being more cheerful than necessary. Usually it related to something he knew that others didn’t, meaning he had read something important in someones mind. But I didn’t want to explore the possibilities, I wanted to dive into my surprise.

It was wrapped neatly in expensive wrapping paper. My father probably paid for it to be wrapped.

“No, I didn’t. I wrapped it myself.” Of course he did, he could do everything perfectly. My father was the power, the drive of perfection.

The appearance of the wrapping paper rapidly transformed into an acoustic guitar.

Besides my mouth forming an “O” shape and my frozen position, I was bursting with excitement. It only took a me a minute to finally hug and thank my father. So he was granting me permission to pursue the guitar.

“Nessie, I apologize for not accepting your interest in guitar earlier. I guess I just wanted you to carry on my piano playing ways. Accept my apology by using this gift to pursue your dream.” He flashed the same crooked smile, as I had been since I’d unwrapped the instrument.

I ran my fingers through the strings.

“Here let me adjust the guitar strings for you to enhance the sound.”

He didn’t just adjust the strings, he adjusted my attitude. I was so overjoyed that it distracted me of Jake’s absence. He taught me so much in one day I already knew how to play “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.”

“Nessie, it’s really your talent  and passion that’s driving you forward. It has nothing to do with me being your teacher, you’re the one learning so fast. Well get a good night’s rest.” And with that farewell he planted a kiss on my forehead.


The next morning I savored the thought of Jacob’s return. I had no idea what had happened on the trip, but I knew Kim and Emily would fill me in.

And what was supposed to be a gleeful, happy reunion wasn’t. I could clearly see the entire pack emerge from the forest. They all look bummed about something, but tried to keep it to themselves. They were hiding something. But I didn’t take note of that so much as to the fact that Jacob and Nadia weren’t with them. Did they get lost? Did something happen between Jake and Nadia? Did I want to know about this?

Emily and Kim immediately ran towards me as if I needed aid. This wasn’t good because now they were going to reveal that Jacob was hurt or something. I braced myself for the worst news possible by taking in a few deep breaths. Emily was the first to arrive, and had a look of pity on her face. Kim soon bounced her way over and shared the same expression of pity on her face.

“Well Renesmee, we have no other way of telling you this….I hate to break it to you, but something happened between Jacob and…..” Emily began, nervously scratching her scalp.

“Nadia…, she kissed Jacob. We’re very sorry.” The eye popping news shattered my heart into a million pieces….a feeling I’d never felt before. I was heart broken, devastated, and jealous. Me, Renesmee Cullen, was jealous. I’d never felt such a feeling like it before in my life. I guess it’s because I’d never had to even consider having competition before.

I could see how Nadia could be seen as attractive. She had rich charcoal black hair, and magnificent hazel eyes. She had a pretty figure too, not the model-type, but not exactly average either. She just had an extra air to her that made her so graceful and envious. I admit it, I envied Nadia. But that doesn’t excuse her kissing my man.

This is the part I would really like to exclude from my entry, as it can appear disturbing. But I’ve let you guys into my personal life as it is already, so I’ll share this with you.

“Whoah, Nessie you’re eyes! They’re, they’re glowing red!” Exclaimed Emily in pure shock.

Red? My eyes couldn’t be the color red. They could only remain milk chocolate brown, what was happening? Before panic waved over me, I thought about it. Anger had roared over me and then Emily declared of my eye’s being red. But how could anger result in the eye color change?

My dad rushed to my side to clarify if my eyes were actually red. His wide eyes were all I needed to confirm the truth. My dad’s appearance was also a reminder. Now I knew why he was doing all that extra cheering up last night. He knew Nadia must of had romantic feelings for Jacob and he didn’t want me to know.

“Dad what’s happening?!?!” I now panicked, confused not knowing what to do.

“I think you need to calm down, Nessie. Come inside.” He ushered me into the house, but my heart and mind still wandered off where Emily and Kim stood.

I wanted to know where Jacob and Nadia were. I wanted to confront Jacob, after all he didn’t want to kiss Nadia, right? It was Nadia that kissed him. And as for Nadia, she better find Jackie Chan to defend her because right now I’m in the mood to pluck her eyes and lips out. If she wants the full kissing experience, I’ll just throw in the “kiss of death.” I wonder how she’ll like that.

Right now I was feeling a lot of emotions. Jealousy, anger, depression, and anxiety. I didn’t know how to control myself. I’ve been angry and upset before, but this tops all the other times. Even the thought of threatening Nadia overshadowed the real Renesmee who had a good heart. I was becoming a monster.

“You cannot see her. You’re eyes are a vile red shade.” He was talking about Nadia, of course. My dad heard of my thoughts, but he did not scold me for them. His main focus was calming me down.

“Whooahhh where’d she get those eyes?” Emmett shot out of the kitchen with Rosalie. Esme followed closely behind, bathed with worry.

“It seems that after disturbing news, she flooded into a mixture of negative emotions that caused her to have red eyes. I’m not quite sure how she has these eyes, but this is my best prediction.” My dad said, still staring into my irises.

I peeked out the window to see Jake loom from the forest into the backyard. He seemed pretty pissed, actually. His arms were crossed, probably to keep himself from phasing. I wanted to be there, to comfort him. I wanted him to comfort me. I needed him.

To my relief he was making his way to the Cullen house. He searched the clothing bin for a shirt and dressed himself, drowning in worry, anger, and anxiety.

His eyes first caught mine. Our eyes locked for a moment and of course he was shocked with the color, but he saw through that. He saw the hurt in my eyes, the sadness.

Through the corner of my eye I spotted Nadia filing through the backyard. I swiftly reached for Alice’s Coco Chanel sunglasses nearby, and just like that I dashed past everyone, through the door reaching speeds that I didn’t think humans could reach. My immediate response was to attack Nadia, but I somehow put that to a halt. Nadia did hurt me, but she didn’t deserve to be threatened, injured, or killed.

But to my shock Nadia flashed an evil smirk. So she didn’t care at all, and she was so flattered by my jealousy that she didn’t mind the sunglasses in the cold, wet, and gray sky day. This wasn’t good because my anger zoomed back into my mind. I knew I couldn’t reveal the whole vampire thing, but my anger wouldn’t allow me to cease what I was about to do.

I reached the ground for a few rocks and placed them in my palm, clear enough for Nadia to see.

“Renesmee! Stop!” This is when my family and Jacob came, circling behind me.

“Renesmee, sister, let’s solve this calmly like adults,” my father announced, posing as my brother like he did in public and in front of humans.

My father’s willingness to be rational with Nadia erupted my anger. I hid my palms with the rocks behind my back and twisted and crushed them a few times. And just to make sure my message of pure infuriation was known, I released my palms, letting the dusty remains of the rock ease out of my hands. I, Renesmee Cullen, had turned rock into sand because I was mad. Who knew madness let out my immortal side?

After that I felt embarassed. I now realized how ridiculous I had been. I relaxed myself by taking a few breathers and reached for my mom who’d just returned from hunting with Alice. At this moment I did forget and ignore that she was my “sister,” but I needed her support.

My mom was clueless, but did not shirk supporting me when I was in need. To cover it up I asked, “How was the hiking trip? I missed you while you were gone.” While I was confronting my mother, Jacob said a few things to Nadia. She nodded and left. I was left in my mother’s arms, dazed, and not in a good way.

That night I shed many tears while taking my bath so no one would notice the difference when I stepped out. I wanted to see Jake, but at the same time I didn’t want to see him.

Eventually, during a commercial break of my favorite TV show, Jake appeared through my doorway.

“Hey, Nessie.” He weaved his hand with mine.

“Are you upset with me?” I shook my head no. Upset was the last word I felt about him. It wasn’t his fault. Nadia kissed him.

“I’m very sorry for what happened. I didn’t restrain at first because Nadia kissed me while I was sleeping in my tent. It was really creepy.” He shook off the thought.

“You see, Nadia moved away from La Push one year before your mother came to Forks. According to your father she has a crush on me, and has since she left La Push. But there’s no need to fret, I prefer bronze-haired girls.”

I giggled, relieved. “It’s okay, Jakie. None of this is your fault.”

“Well your eyes are brown again. I’m glad because you looked pretty freaky with the red eyes.” He caressed my cheeks and I embraced his touch. He was mine and I was his.

“You’ll always be in my heart, Renesmee. And no one else. I promise,” he pledged, kissing away tears that I didn’t notice were trickling from my pupils until now.

“Forever,” I agreed.

And with that I fell asleep, resting peacefully in my soulmate’s arms.

With love (always),

-Renesmee Cullen <3


Renesmee's Diary

This entry was written by Alexandra Puccia. She was the writer of Renesmee's Diary before Sabrina took over. Alexandra is a true talent and we're so happy to have met her and believe she will go on to do amazing things!
©Alexandra Puccia

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