mydarrling


Resisting Temptations

July 18, 2010


Dear Diary,

Thankfully, things have settled down after the whole wedding incident. It shook up a few people, but they got over it and enjoyed the rest of the wedding. I just got back from double patrols, since Jared’s off on his honeymoon with Kim. I’m exhausted, and as happy as I am for Jared, I want him to get his ass back home so I could have some time to rest. I see Ness when I can, and I hate noticing every day how much she still grows, and I can’t be there the whole time to see it. She’s getting closer and closer to full maturity, and it gets harder and harder to resist her.

I’ve been thinking it through, and I think the month after her seventh birthday, I’m going to propose. Of course Edward gave me the stink eye when he overheard it, but he didn’t object. He knows it’s coming, but he still is gonna act like a brat anyhow.

I called and told my dad that I was going to propose next year, he was so happy about it, and wanted me to give her my mother’s ring. My mother died in a car accident, and it really scarred my dad. He boxed up all of her stuff, and put it away, because he couldn’t bear to look at it. So, this was shocking, and I immediately agreed, knowing my mother would be happy.

The time I have spent with Ness, she has been…pressuring me. I mean, trust me, I’m a guy, and I want it bad, but I can’t do that right now. It’s not right. I also don’t feel like getting killed by Edward, the protective father.

Earlier, I had just finished a freaking awesome humongous sandwich Esme made me, and was lounging on the couch next to Ness. We were watching some chick flick, and I was getting into it, believe it or not.

Right at the big breakup scene, Ness slid on my lap, and started kissing me, sliding her sweet tongue in my mouth.

Suppressing a groan, I kissed back hesitantly, wondering what was happening. She let out a little moan, making all the blood rush from my head. She sucked my lip, and rubbed her hands on my stomach under my shirt, making me shiver. The hair on my arms stood up when she straddled me, grabbing my hands and making them caress her sides, and dangerously close to her chest. My whole body was flushed as her tongue danced with mine, and I felt goosebumps rise on my arms. She purred, and tangled her hands in my hair, my hands still on her hips, which were straddling me. I was hot and cold at the same time, shivering while my body was red with heat. When her kissing finally became less feverish, I removed my hands from her waist.

Pulling away, I looked in her eyes, before pressing my forehead to hers, in effort to get my breathing back under control.

“You want to go back to your house?” She asked, moaning a little bit, while pulling at the collar of my t-shirt. My eyes widened in realization, and I pulled back.

“Ness, w-we can’t.” I said, fighting to keep my thoughts coherent.

“But, why? I’m ready,” She said, kissing my neck. I shuddered, and pulled her back to look at me.

“Ness, you’re not ready, and it’s not right,” I said slowly. She threw her hands up.

“How can it not be right? What we both want to do, and what we both are ready for is natural! It can’t be not right!” She said, her voice getting more and more exasperated. I rubbed her shoulders.

“Ness, we need to do this right. I want you to be completely ready, and it has to be special. The right thing to do is to wait until marriage anyway,” I told her, and she frowned.

“That’s great! Because now I have to wait forever to finally be with you,” She said, biting her lip. I gave her a soft look, and pulled her lip from her teeth.

“Ness, it won’t be forever. And, wouldn’t you rather it be out of love, instead of hormones?” I asked, and she looked down.

“I guess,” She mumbled, and I hugged her tightly to my chest.

“You don’t know how hard it is to say no,” I whispered in her ear, and she kissed my cheek.

“Well, I know I’m not going to make it easier now,” She said, grinning from ear to ear. I tickled her under her chin, causing her to squeal and crawl to the other end of the couch. I was going to pursue her, but Edward and Bella walked in, eyes light honey from their recent hunting trip.

“Have fun hunting?” I asked, and they nodded.

“Yeah, we did, actually. Many mountain lions to choose from,” Bella said slyly, and Edward grinned, kissing her neck. I pretended to gag, and Nessie made a noise of disgust. They both sheepishly pulled away, and Edward looked at both of us.

“We have some good news to share actually,” Edward stated, and I looked at him, letting him continue.

“Demetri settled in…very well with the Denali clan…He and Tanya are very interested in each other.” He said, giving us a look. Bella was smiling brightly.

“Well, now I don’t need to worry about Tanya wanting to steal you every time they visit,” Bella said, twining her fingers with Edward’s. Edward whispered something about how she doesn’t even compare with Bella or something, and Ness coughed loudly.

“So, Demetri’s with Tanya now?” She asked, and Edward nodded.

“Great! That means I can look at his book collection without having to deal with his flirting!” She said, clapping her hands. I chuckled, and she came back to my part of the couch, snuggling in my arms. They talked a bit more on the topic, before Bella and Edward left, saying something about cleaning up, causing Ness to wrinkle her nose in disgust.

“Well I’m glad I don’t have to worry keeping his claws off of you now,” I said, nuzzling her neck. She giggled.

“He is no competition compared to you, and your body.” She said, patting my arms, and my stomach. I grinned cockily.

“I know, my impeccable abs and muscles are irresistible.” She laughed, and smacked my arm lightly. One good thing about being a werewolf is that you have a great body, and don’t even have to work out at all. Nessie grinned at me, before changing the channel on the television. For now, we don’t have anything to worry about, or anything trying to kill us.

On a serious note, I was really glad that Demetri found himself another bloodsucker, because even though Ness and I are imprinted, there was still the possibility that she might have chosen him instead. It might not have been a big chance, considering our bond, but it was still there, because vampires can be very charming and persuasive. Knowing that he found someone, lifted a weight of my chest, and I felt great, despite how sleep deprived I was from patrolling.

Patrolling has been more tiring lately, considering there are a few nomads in the area that we’re trying to keep an eye on, and I wish that we still were in La Push. There, if they didn’t stay off our land, we could kill the damn parasites, and not have to worry about them.

I still can’t stand vampires who eat humans. I mean, it’s one thing to kill animals, but innocent humans is on a whole different level.

Sam, ruining all of our fun, ordered us to not kill them, unless they went on a psycho killing spree like that army that was sent to kill Bella.

So, with keeping an eye on some nomads, resisting Ness and her motive to get me to crack on the whole sex before marriage thing, and trying to keep food in my stomach, I’m exhausted.

With that, I decided to leave Nessie, and promised that I’d see her tomorrow. Thankfully, she was fine with that, knowing that I needed sleep. She gave me a pretty lengthy kiss at the door, and I left, walking home slowly. Since it was December, it was freezing outside, but I didn’t even shiver, another nice thing about being a werewolf. I took my time, breathing in the crisp air, when the first snowflakes started falling. I grinned, and let myself enjoy the falling frozen water. I knew it was going to snow a buttload in the winter and maybe a bit in the spring, considering it’s New Hampshire, but it was nice to let myself laugh and catch snowflakes in my mouth.

There’s going to be a lot of challenges in the future, and nothing is going to be simple, but for now, I want to worry about the present, not the future.

I guess I’ll head to sleep now, because I know I won’t get much for a while. So, I’ll talk to you later.

-Jacob

Hey, My Lovely Twilight Lovers! Follow me on Twitter HERE

Become a fan/Like on Facebook HERE

Feel free to email me feedback at jacobsdiary@bellasdiary.com

Add Jacob’s Diary on MySpace HERE

Ask me questions on Formspring, too: http://www.formspring.me/JacobsDiary