Renesmee’s Diary – Compassion

August 6, 2010

Dear Diary,

It dawned on me while I was staring intently at Seth and Leah Clearwater across the campfire. They were really unfortunate; they suffered greatly with their father’s passing. Leah dwelled around this idea that depression wouldn’t halt and she feared for her younger brother, Seth. She wanted him and her to have a life they were too underprivileged to have.

I felt guilty enough as it was that Leah had to be the only shewolf. I mean, she moved here to New Hampshire with Seth because of my family. Leah had to be stuck with six other males. Jake describes it as sort of being a “guy thing,” so Leah doesn’t even really have much support even though her relationship with Jacob has improved. She without a doubt deserved a better life, a better world. And the odd thing is, I hope that I can be the one to grant her a better way. Her bitterness and depression does not offend me.

Seth didn’t mind living here too much because he found friendship with my father and he fit snug and sound with the rest of the pack, despite how young he looks.

Paul and Jared were off fighting about something that happened earlier and Sam sent Jake to cease the brawl.

Embry and Quil occupied themselves by horsing hot dogs down. I bet they could win that Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest if they tried. And you wouldn’t have to train  or starve them before it, either. Between the two of them, I wonder who would win……?

“Eat with your mouth closed,” Sam ordered sternly, gripping Emily close to his arms.

After a display of rolled eyes, Embry and Quil slacked off to their house to stock up on more franks.

“Will Leah be here soon?” I asked, focusing more on absences than presence. I was also trying to develop a healthier relationship with Leah. Our relationship was a bit rocky with me being half vampire and all. I know we have our differences—a lot, but that shouldn’t deprive us from at least trying to be friends. I guess I just didn’t like the idea of having someone loathe me for what I was….(or who I was)? I really wanted to mend our relationship and perhaps spend more time together. Leah doesn’t have many friends if you haven’t guessed – she’d rather keep to herself most of the time.

So every time I sipped cocoa that Esme prepared for me or played dress up with aunt Alice and Rosalie, I appreciated it.

“Will Leah be here soon?” I asked again, eyeing Seth who would likely know of Leah’s whereabouts, although lately no one really knows where Leah is. She’s usually off running up as far north as Canada.

“I’m not sure…if she’s in the area she should be here in a few.” Seth’s mellow grin and expression dropped to a deep sigh. I did feel all the more guilty for making him worry, especially now while he was supposed to be enjoying himself. I was just concerned for Leah’s well being.

“Hey, want me to make some S’mores?” I asked, and Seth nodded with delight. I made my way quickly into my house.

I really did feel sympathy for the Clearwaters…Sue included. If not for my Grandpa Charlie and Jacob’s father, Billy, I think I’d ship Leah and Seth back to La Push, against their will if it was necessary. Some days I just wanted to give Leah a hug, but of course that would result with Leah hating me much more than she already does, plus it’s also just extremely awkward.

It wasn’t so difficult to find the ingredients for the perfect S’more because Esme always packed food alphabetically in the pantry. You might think that she’s a neat-freak for doing that, but it’s actually quite convient especially since the pantry is of enough accompanience for the entire pack. And yes, it’s a walk in pantry which Jake jokes would not please the queen of England to sustain her royal highness’ guests. He usually thinks of jokes to mock the grand size of the Cullen household and how “not big enough it is.”

As I strolled back over to the bonfire, I recognized a familiar figure. It was too dark for my feeble human eye sight to exactly make out who the figure was in the stale moonlight.

At first I suspected the figure was Leah who had finally come, but to my shock and disbelief it was…..Nadia and she was bawling into Jake’s arms. As much as I tried to hold back jealousy and exasperation, I couldn’t and…..well there went the marshmallows.

The plastic and goop from the marshmallows roamed all over my hands. I knew I shouldn’t have let my scorching anger get to me, even when I didn’t completely overlook the situation. Nadia was sobbing in my boyfriend’s arms because something had happened, plain and simple.

That had to be the reason why because Jacob wouldn’t succumb to getting that close to Nadia. Not after she spilled that she had affections for him…affections Jacob did not return.

I situated myself next to Jacob and questioned Nadia’s problem.

“She’s having a rough time…we found her while I was settling the dispute between Paul and Jared back at the house,” Jacob said, offering her a tissue, which she accepted graciously.

See, Renesmee, nothing to worry about. Jacob is just helping a friend out in need. How could I be so jealous before? Nadia was having a “rough time.” I wonder what happened. Did someone die? Did she get hurt? Did she even leave New Hampshire since we last saw her?

Just to make sure Nadia wasn’t playing any games I scooted closer to Jake so that our knees touched, and he grinned in response. He even slid one arm around my shoulder and kissed my head.

After a few sniffles Nadia smoothed the creases in her jeans and decided to speak to me. Jacob had fixated himself over by the other pack members to scarf more junk down.

“Hello, Nessie. I’m sorry our last meeting wasn’t very…………………..sedate,” she struggled with finding that last word. Maybe she was trying to show off her fine vocabulary, but that could of taken me a millisecond to rack up a more exquisite word.

“Yes, I apologize. Perhaps we can start from scratch if you don’t mind.” I wasn’t one for fighting or enemies so I thought as long as that girl kept her distance from my Jacob I had no issue with her presence. She seemed like a decent person, actually, if you erased our “not-so-sedate” past behind. I wouldn’t mind adding her to my list of friends.

“Sure, my name is Nadia,” she said extending her tissue free hand which I gladly shook and I again introduced myself.

“So what brings you here?” I asked, hoping she would dish on what tragedy would make her travel across the country into my boyfriend’s arms.

“Well I’m not doing so well in school…and it’s my first year of college. I just needed to escape, you know? My parents would kill me if they found out about me not succeeding,” she explained.

I’ve heard of situations like this. College students who were failing decide to leave campus to try to escape the nightmare. But it wouldn’t work…she was slowly building a ditch that she would eventually be trapped in, and she’d tumble down into it soon if she didn’t return now. As a part of my new “friendly” relationship with Nadia, I was going to help her. I just had to convince her to go back and ‘fess up to her parents. They could take it, and she would do better in school if she started to fill that ditch.

“Well you know Nadia, I bet college is very stressful…but I think the rewards of completing it are much greater. What course are you taking?” I did ponder what course she was taking. I assumed it wasn’t in the medical or law field.

“Biology,” Nadia replied patting another tear from her face. She seemed annoyed and irritated about something else….maybe she wasn’t telling the truth. I had my suspicions, but I kept them to myself. I had to learn to trust Nadia. The question was, could I ever trust Nadia?

“Well I think it’s best you go back now, or your problem will grow,” I responded matter-of-factly. She nodded with a bitter laugh.

“I heard that one way too many times,” she said. So then why didn’t she follow it? I knew I wasn’t the one in her shoes, but it made sense. Something was fishy, and my gut was advising me to dig deeper, but I couldn’t. That would overrule the barrier of trust. I had to feel compassion for Nadia right now, right?

“Hey Nessie do you think I could speak privately to you over there?” She butted her head in the direction of the forest, far away from the bonfire. I was curious why this was, but I only agreed because I was learning to “trust” her. So we abandoned the pack at the bonfire, and I think I left my gut there as well. I wasn’t joking when I felt suspicious of Nadia.

“So what’s that?” She pointed to my diary.

“It’s my diary, I write in almost all the time,” I answered. If Nadia got her hands on my dear diary, I think I’d need to hunt her down, literally.

“Oh, so you write about Jacob in there?” Did this girl need to attend manner classes? Because that was such an inappropriate question.

“Excuse me?” I knew Jake could hear off in the distance, and I hoped he would intervene soon because I was sensing this conversation was going to end with consequences.

“Look,” she began. “I didn’t come here because of college.” And like in horror movie Nadia played that devilish smirk on her face. The same smirk she formed everytime she’d let jealousy rage over her. I didn’t like this and I wanted to leave, but somehow I couldn’t. She kept me there, my feet planted in the grass. But I had to hold my ground and focus….I couldn’t get too furious.

I knew what she meant, what she had tricked Jake into doing. She had been acting the entire time. But I think more than the fact that she was playing this childish game with me, I was appauled that this girl was still trying, and that she fooled everyone. Everyone except me. She knew Jake and I were in a relationship, but I wasn’t sure if she realized how sick and  inappropriate this game she was pulling actually was.

Nadia was nineteen….a grown adult. I was only eight and a half and I even had a sensible mind to not get too involved.

“Look Nadia….I don’t want to fight,” I said. Where was Jake when I needed him? Or anybody else with keen hearing?

“Neither do I. I just want what’s rightfully mine. I didn’t want to have to do this the hard way, Nessie. I admit you are such a bright girl, but I’ve been eyeing Jacob from the start. You see, I lived with my parents and my brother, Ryan, in La Push for as long as I can remember. Then in the year 05′ we left for Arizona to ‘regain our Navajo spirit back,’ She emphasized the “Navajo spirit.”

“My father is Quelite, but my mom is a part of the Navajo tribe. I was devasted when I had to leave Jake, my long-time friend and soon to be boyfriend. And when I finally come back, he has a girlfriend, get it?”

“She does,” a coarse voice echoed behind us.

Leah appeared out of the evergreens like guardian angel or something coming to my rescue.

“And she won’t abide by what your saying. Look, Nadia, I know what it feels like to have someone you love stolen from you. I know the feeling of pain, depression, anger, and hurt. But attacking an innocent victim isn’t the answer. And anyway, Jacob was never into you like that.”

It was true. Leah knew the hurt caused by Sam imprinting on Emily, but she never hurt Emily in return. And Jake did mention that he never loved Nadia.

Nadia clenched her teeth so tight, concealing the thrust of anger brewing inside.

“I’m sorry Nadia, but I’m going to have to ask you to leave, and never come back,” Leah spat through her teeth, showing no guilt whatsoever. And just to make sure Nadia would obey Leah’s command, Leah flashed a cold, hard stare right into Nadia’s pupils. Knowng Nadia, she was proably freaking out now, anxious to get out of here. But why was Leah helping me out? Would I owe her now?

Nadia stomped her way back to the pack’s house, shying away from the pack to prevent embarrassment. She really was the complete opposite of me. She had the mind of an eight year old in an grown adult’s body, and I had the mind of a fully matured and “polite” adult, but just in a fifteen year old’s body. It was really sad for me to let “Mrs. Obsession” – as I called Nadia – out into the world. I wondered who her next victim would be?

“Well thanks Leah, that was so… kind of you. I didn’t expect that. How much did you hear?” This time she chuckled. I’ve never seen her laugh for the good, even though right now wasn’t the happiest of all times.

“Everything. But I’m glad I did. I didn’t know she was that crazy, geez.” Ok so I wasn’t going too ballistic when I assumed Nadia was a mad woman.

“Well it’s nice to know I’m not insane,” I said, smiling. Leah looked puzzled at first, but then smoothed her expression over.

“The only insane person was her, believe me.” She chuckled for the second time and added a slight grin. Leah wasn’t so bad, and I was the one trying to improve our relationship, but it appears she did that for me.

Under the starry night I hugged Leah for many reasons. One, she just totally saved my life (it could have gone all haywire and my infuriated immortal side might have hijacked my system). Second, I felt we were even now, equals. I was ready to brighten her day, show her the fun in life. Maybe I’ll introduce her to a few guys? Three, I just needed a hug in that moment. The best part was, Leah didn’t reject my hug, at least I accomplished one goal.

And for those wondering, no I wasn’t pissed at Jacob or anyone else for not coming to the rescue. The pack were probably doing something noisy or rowdy. Who knows? All that matters is that Leah saved me, and just in time.

Leah and I joined the others, and of course we were asked about Nadia, but we just covered it up with a simple “she felt sick.” Although if you ask me, she was sick all along…..mentally.

There was no need to tell the truth. I felt sorry for Nadia, as childish and immature she was. I felt sorry that her jealousy had to control her life and sanity. In fact, I think Leah felt that too. Remind me to plan a day with Leah, we could have so much fun.

And as for Jake, I think I’ll discuss this with him tomorrow. I just want him to know of Nadia’s obsession. Maybe she had a mental problem? I wouldn’t know because my father left midday for his hunting trip with the boys.

Well I have to go now because after what had just happened in only an unbelievable half an hour, Jared is now going to share his “uberrly fantastic ghost story now.” Hmmm I have a bad feeling about that one.


-Renesmee Cullen


Renesmee's Diary

This entry was written by Alexandra Puccia. She was the writer of Renesmee's Diary before Sabrina took over. Alexandra is a true talent and we're so happy to have met her and believe she will go on to do amazing things!
©Alexandra Puccia

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