August 20, 2010
I just wanted to make a special author’s note. As some of you may know I started my diary with the help of the owner and author of Bella’s Diary, Krystal (aka Autumn since she had her name legally changed). I also began my diary with the dear help of Meagan, the author of Jacob’s Diary. I just want to thank them both so much for their help and support before I begin. And I wanted to take this opportunity to give Sarah, the author of Edward’s Diary a warm welcome to the team.
Alright, I just wanted to mention that I denied my reason for writing Renesmee’s Diary when I never wrote the point in Nessie’s life where she discovers she is Jacob’s imprint. That event is one of the highlights of Nessie’s entire life and I realize I never told her side of it. Some of you might remember that I began Renesmee’s Diary with coordination to Jacob’s Diary, which sounded like a superb idea at the time, but it is not. Coordination with another diary does not allow me to have full complete writing freedom in my perspective. This means that because I wrote what happened after Jake revealed he was Nessie’s imprinter according to Jacob’s Diary, I lost my freedom to write how I thought it happened.
My purpose in writing Renesmee’s Diary was to show Renesmee’s side of the story, and in Jacob’s Diary we can’t see that. We don’t know how Nessie felt when Jacob admitted he was her imprinter. And personally, I felt it happened similarly to Megan’s version . . . but I feel the events and Nessie’s actions might have been different.
Also, just to clear the air, some of you have noticed that Renesmee’s Diary and Jacob’s Diary are very similar. One of the reasons is because we did start off coordinating with one another (see above). Another reason is just simply I must picture Nessie’s life very close to the way Meagan imagines it. I can see Nessie living the way she does in both Jacob and Nessie’s Diary. Of course there are some differences, but it seems we picture a lot of the same things. So, I’d just like to apologize if anyone is/was confused about that . . . me and Megan NO LONGER coordinate and I’m hoping you’ll see Jacob and Nessie’s Diary as two different and independent diaries.
Of course determined to follow my sole purpose to write Renesmee’s Diary, I will write how I feel Renesmee would have responded to her discovery of being Jake’s imprintee. I’ll also include how I believe the event unfolded.
Thanks and best regards,
Alexandra, author of Renesmee’s Diary <3*
Sorry for the ignorance of my attention for the past week. It’s been really chaotic with packing for the family vacation to Melody Key. It was a private island my family owned, which didn’t surprise me the least bit. I think what shocked me the most, was my mother’s personality.
Bella was bubbly and highly anticipating on this trip. This was very unusual and it worried me. Worried me sick.
“There’s nothing to fret about, Ness . . . your mother adores the idea of family time,” my father mentioned adding a chuckle at my endless “worrywart” expression. Although if you ask me, the joke is really on him because he’s always fretting about my mom’s safety. No matter what species she is, he is still protective and worrisome.
I wouldn’t blame him with my mom still managing to tumble onto the dark hickory wood flooring. I’m just praising thanks that my mother’s rock solid immortal surface is beyond firmer to that of the floor. You might just feel remorse for the hickory because I knew my mom’s impact would certainly dent it’s smooth and flawless aura.
Jacob was snoring, sound asleep on the plane seat adjacent to me. I guess the warm milk and chocolate chip cookies were the perfect recipe for sleep to my dismay. I knew my parents were there, and Uncle Jazz looked like he could use a rescue from Aunt Alice’s Vogue collection discussion, but I didn’t want to talk to them.
I really wished to speak to Jake and discuss our plans for this Melody Key trip, hoping we’d spend ninety-five percent of the get away alone. Just clear, blue skies with puffy white clouds and a wink from the sun…..soft, clean sand and us. Jake would sandwich me between the sand and him, planting kisses all over my body and–
“Ness, do you mind?” My father interjected, obviously irritated with my explicit affections for my boyfriend.
I flashed an apologetic snicker at the notion of his repulsed remark.
I had run out of things to do on this plane ride to Tortola. My family and the pack occupied the entire first class seating area along with the other imprints, Emily and Kim. Claire was obviously too young to partake in this journey and Sarah Black was toiling away with her studies at college.
All I had brought was my iPod, guitar, and diary for carry-on items. I didn’t think I’d need more with so many people to socialize and interact with, and the window seat. Truthfully, once the plane started soaring over the ocean, there wasn’t much to see. Not even the magazines and flat screen T.V were promising.
I’d simply have to entertain myself. So I referred back to one of my favorite entries of all . . . the one where Jacob exposes his imprinter identity to me and I find out who I actually was, and how my romantic life would turn out. Well farewell to Loversunite.com or even the matchmaker, I was destined to be with Jacob, no matter what.
Today is going to be a great day, or so Jacob had mentioned yesterday. His invitation sounded so genuine, yet discreet. He was hiding something, but not something like a surprise . . . something serious and possibly indigestible.
We were on our usual Thursday hike followed by “movie night.” Some might assume us a couple, the way we playfully intertwined our hands. But it was just us being close friends doing what we wanted.
Sometimes I suspected there was something different about our relationship then that of anyone else’s. But I ignored it, afraid to explore the possibilities. We were just best friends who had known each other for quite a while and cared about each other. Of course him being a werewolf and a male didn’t bother me. It was never my cup of tea to ever do extreme “girly type” things like manicures. And if I were ever beckoning for such an experience, I had Alice.
But ever since my eighth birthday, I felt new feelings for Jacob sprout. I hid them, storing them in the back of my mind. Frisson was not permitted—not with Jacob at least. Because with a lifelong buddy, you don’t do that. Sure, I’ve seen it in films many times. Either the girl or the boy falls for one another, despite their friendship.
Friendship was a beautiful type of relationship, a true gem. It was not something to be interrupted, whether for the good or for the mistaken.
Romance would not inflict between me and Jake…ever. I didn’t like making such rash decisions so quickly, but I adored our friendship. His companionship was like that of no other, not just because he was a werewolf, no……because of who he was.
Jacob was the orbit, the one who surrounded me with life. He protected me from the outside. Whether the outside be harm or just negativity, he kept me going. He fueled my existence and passion for cooking (I had to feed him delectable meals).
But it was difficult to resist flirting with him. My motivation of resistance was that I had absolutely no experience whatsoever and trying it for the first time would make a noticeable mistake. Therefore, flirting would not be tried, not even though I want to.
Jake certainly wasn’t himself today. He paced with frustration ahead of me, not even bothering to strike up a conversation.
“Jacob?” I questioned, now frightened for his response. I feared he might phase, even if he didn’t want to. But if that were the case, he’d warn me.
He turned, but no audible response. He bit his lip, contemplating something in his head that I was unaware of.
“Ness . . . ,” he moaned, creeping to me slowly at first. Then, just like in the movies, he tightly grasped my waist and heaved me towards him. His lips were introduced to mine, like he was feeding off an entire lifetime of starvation.
He restrained my body and wouldn’t let me pull away. I kissed him back because I had no idea of what else to do. His lips were warm and moist now pressed on mine. I hadn’t prepared for this and this kiss was fogging my conscience. I felt dizzy, but in a pleasurable sense. How can dizziness be pleasing? What was this feeling so sudden and new? Why me? Why now?
He eventually pulled away, leading me home. We didn’t speak until we were about a mile from home. Right now I wasn’t angry with him. . . I was just confused, and dazed. I didn’t understand his reasoning for doing that.
The image of Leah popped in my brain, flashing in black and white. The hurt she felt whenever she spotted Emily and Sam together. I couldn’t and wouldn’t let myself fall in love with Jacob, ever, because he’d leave me for his imprint. Plus it would ruin the valuable friendship we had, a treasure to me.
“Renesmee, I wish I could be sorry for what I just did back there.” He wished? Why did he “wish?” He should be sorry, but I didn’t argue with him because I wanted an explanation…now. At least he was being sincere and meant his apology. I know he meant it because he called me by my full name, which he only did when he truly did mean something. When he was serious.
“Renesmee you and I belong together…we always have. You’re my imprint. You’re my soul mate and I cannot be with anyone else. Ever. And…… I love, you.” His words crushed all my senses.
Right now all I could feel was pure confusion. I became frustrated and annoyed with my confusion, making me appear upset with him. But I was too startled with shock and confusion to spill my feelings. My emotions were scrambling all over the place. I wanted to go home to think about this. I needed to be ok with this.
So I fled for the house, ignoring Jake’s cries. He felt guilty for his actions, and followed me. I never stopped for him because I desired the comfort of my pillow and plush mattress.
If I cried, surely my mom would come. Right now I needed the respect of loneliness. I had no patience to ward everyone off–everyone had to leave me alone. My dad understood, blocking everyone from getting to me. Thank God he could read my mind.
The next morning I had made up my mind regarding my feelings for Jacob. I scarfed down a hefty bowl of cornflakes then proceeded with my plan.
It didn’t take me long to drag Jake back to the very place where he revealed me being his imprint. This was one of the most crucial moments and decisions of my life.
Should I risk it and abandon our friendship? Or should I ditch this romance idea and plunge for what might just be the truth…we were just best friends.
It wasn’t my conscience making my mind up, or my wit. It was my gut, my soul, my heart. Everything natural within me couldn’t and definitely wouldn’t deny the idea of romance. It attracted me to Jacob like a magnet. I couldn’t say no to him. I loved him.
“Jacob—I . . . the truth is . . . ,” I bit my lip like he had done the day before. My heart sped faster than the speed of a vampire or werewolf. I couldn’t hold myself as nervousness and anxiety waved over my body, causing me to shiver.
“I love you, too.” After those words were said, there was no more questioning the possibility of a romance between us. The possibility was open and out, ready to blossom into beauty.
His face described everything . . . more than satisfaction or relief, but serenity and joy. Our two halves could unite to be one, blissfully.
I did take note that although he was half-naked every single day except in winter, today he looked unmistakably more beautiful than any other day. The way his muscles were formed and toned . . . oooh. Jake might disagree that he was handsome, but beautiful was what was wavering on my mind at the moment. I didn’t feel chagrin of seeing him this way because I was his imprint and maybe girlfriend now. I shouldn’t have been deprived of my right to see him this way, starting now.
It was time for us to be together the way we would be forever and always.
Nessie (Jake’s new imprint)
Jacob yawned, waking up to Aunt Alice’s introduction of the Marc Jacobs Fall Collection.
“Hey, babe, what’cha reading?” Jake asked and I just chuckled, shutting my diary away. He was confused, but did not investigate further to respect my privacy.
Sorry but I have to go scratch Jacob’s head now. I figure if I relax him now, he’ll “treat” me later. *wink wink*