Losing Control

August 20, 2010

Dear Diary,

Ness and I have gotten closer these past few days. Double patrols are over now that Jared’s back, and I spend almost every second with her. The whole family is scattered at the moment. Esme and Alice are helping Leah plan her wedding. Carlisle is working doubles, helping in the cancer ward, using chemicals and crap. I think he’s working with a group of scientists, trying to experiment on finding a cure. That damn doctor is gonna cure every disease one day.

Edward and Bella spend a lot of time just hanging around wherever, and Rosalie and Emmett went on their millionth honeymoon.

So I guess you can say it’s pretty quiet around here. The group of nomads left, leaving us with no problems. I’m not trying to jinx myself, but I’m going to say that it’s almost normal. It’s almost refreshing to know that a group of crazy newborn vampires are trying to kill us, or crazy old ones at that. It’s relaxed around here. Of course Alice is on watch, and we still patrol, because we’ve learned to never let our guard down.

The New Year started two days ago, but the snow doesn’t show any sign of stopping. I don’t mind it, but I do miss the sun. Not that I saw it much in the first place, considering I lived my whole life in La Push. Ness is enough light for me anyways.

Today I went over to Leah and Louis’s house with Ness, and I got fitted for a suit, while Ness got fitted for her dress. She was going to be a bridesmaid, because Leah chose Emily to be the maid of honor. After Leah imprinted, they got over the whole ‘you-stole-my-soulmate’ thing. I already have a couple of suits and tuxedos, but Leah decided to choose white and blue as her theme, so I needed another suit for her stinking wedding.

Don’t think of me as a softie, but I’m really happy for Leah. She never deserved to be so lonely and depressed, and now, she’s so much better. Happy.

Ness and I drove my Charger – yes a Charger – there. I gave my rabbit to Seth, because he needed a car, and Edward gave me the shell of a ‘78 Charger to rebuild. I spent weeks on it, and finished it in record time. I put in a V8 cylinder engine, and painted it bright red. It’s pretty damn awesome. I revved the engine the whole ride there, making Ness delightfully giggle, which made me keep doing it. Her peals of laughter softened when we walked up the small path to Leah’s ranch house.

Leah opened the door with a huge smile plastered on her face, she was flushed with happiness. The small smile on my face widened and she ushered Ness and I inside her warm house. The guys were getting their white suits tailored, and all the girls ran upstairs. I rolled my eyes and took my shoes off before I entered the open living room.

“Hey guys,” I said, patting Louis on the shoulder. Seth grinned, but then grimaced at Alice, who was prodding around on his jacket. Embry, Jared, Sam, and Paul were the groomsmen, aside from me, and Seth was clearly the best man. So Alice worked away like a little midget fairy on hyper speed. I sat on the couch next to Jared, he already had his suit done, and I was going to be the last one getting mine done. Paul and Embry were eating, so it was pretty quiet.

Jared and I made small talk until Seth’s suit was done, and I left to go slip on my suit. It fit fine in my opinion, but Alice insists that it should fit like a glove. I quickly buttoned up the shirt, and draped the bright white jacket over my arm while making it to the living room.

Alice had me stand on a wooden circle thing, and stuck different colored pins in my suit, and poked me only once, when I moved. I got a slap on the back of the head and she scolded me, telling me not to move or she would drain all the disgusting blood out of my veins, or something like that. I just rolled my eyes at her, and she giggled, before putting the last pin in.

“Okay! Now, go take it off, but be careful not to misplace any of the pins!” She said, her voice tinkling as I walked in the bathroom to take off my now tight fitting suit.

Once I took it off, I walked out of the bathroom, and saw Ness waiting for me.

“Hey there, handsome,” she said, pulling me into a chaste kiss. I grinned at her.

“Does the dress fit?” I asked, and she nodded.

“Yeah, it’s the prettiest color blue. I love it,” she said, and I smiled.

“It’s the same color of the tie I have to wear. It is a pretty blue,” I told her, and we walked in the kitchen. Leah was sitting at the table with everyone else, eating something.

“Hey guys, we’re gonna head out. We’ll be over tomorrow and go over all the other stuff,” I said, and everyone said bye.

Leah got up and hugged me, whispering thanks in my ear. I shrugged them off, kissing her on the cheek, and grabbing Ness’s hand.

She followed me out the door and into the snow, and out to my car. We both got in, and I turned the heat on high, for the sake of Nessie.

Of course, that only made her sweet pomegranate scent circle around me, making my senses dull a fraction.

“Well, the indoor pool is finally finished,” Renesmee said. I clenched the steering wheel. I’ve seen Ness in a bathing suit, and the mental image is enough to make me drive off the road.

“Really?” I asked tightly.

“Yeah, mom said that she’d let me put bubbles in the Jacuzzi, to make it look cool,” she answered excitedly, and my eyelids drooped. Ness in a bathing suit, wet, with bubbles?

I took a deep breath, and forced a smile.

“That’s cool,” I said, trying to regulate my breathing.

“Yeah, and Victoria’s Secret had a sale on bathing suits, so mom let me buy, like twenty.” By that time I was close to breaking the steering wheel. I pulled the car over so quickly that the tires squealed.

“What are you-” I leaped over the center console, and crushed my mouth against Ness’s soft lips, and sucked her bottom lip into my mouth. All the blood was rushing from my head and into the lower regions of my body, and I was using all I had to keep a feral growl from slipping out. Our tongues danced, and Nessie moaned, the vibrations making me lightheaded. I pulled her up, to where she was sitting in my lap in the passenger’s seat, and she was straddling me perfectly. I felt hot and cold, shivering from the warmth, before tangling my hands in her silky hair, pressing her mouth to mine with more force, and in the process I let out a small growl. Ness moaned louder, and put her hands under my shirt, caressing my stomach. Our lips were molded together, growls shaking from me uncontrollably, and Ness was breathing hot into my mouth. Her scent was everywhere, taunting and teasing me. Too soon, she pulled away.

“Jake,” she breathed, looking at me with her pupils dilated.

“If you were thinking straight, you would stop this from going too far. But, you aren’t, so I have to, unfortunately. I want this more than you, but you wouldn’t want this to happen in the back of your car,” she said, frowning.

I blinked a few times, and took two deep breaths.

“Well, there’s no way in hell you can want this more than me, but you’re right,” I concluded, with a nod while trying to gather my thoughts.

“That was pretty hot though,” she said giggling. I laughed.

“I agree,” I told her, kissing her forehead. The heat was still on full blast, so I turned it down, feeling that it was uncomfortably hot. I climbed back into the driver’s seat, and shifted the gear from park, and started driving back down the slippery streets. Ness hummed with the song on the radio, and it didn’t seem any different from the way it was ten minutes ago.

This was going to be harder than I thought, keeping from completely blowing the plan I have away.

I kept mentally bullying myself the whole ride back, and only stopped when I walked her inside with a small kiss. She hugged me tightly, and went inside before I drove back to my house.

I took a cold shower, hoping to clear my thoughts, and now I’m here, at my desk, writing in my diary. I can say that things with me and Ness are just going to get harder, considering the thick sexual tension that constantly bugs both of us. But, my conscious will hopefully make me smart enough to make sure it happens the right way…not in my car.

Well, I’m really hungry, so I think I’m going to go make me some steak. Later,

- Jacob

Author’s Note: I’m so sorry for the uber long delay on this entry! I went on a vacation, and I’m also more busy than ever! So, I’ve decided to not have a date on updates, but it should be in the once every two weeks area. I’ll notify you guys if it’ll take longer and whatnot. Thank you for being patient, and reading! It means a lot, and I am happy to have you guys! xoxo

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