(Alice’s Diary) Introspective

Dear Diary,

Don’t tell Bella, but I cannot wait for Renee’s visit to come and go! Then we can all throw ourselves into party plans.

I still can’t believe Bella brought it up herself. I mean, I know she loves Nessie and wants to make her happy, but I somehow didn’t think she would want to have a birthday party for her. Well, maybe she was just thinking about a small party … but my way is going to be so much better! I’ve already seen Nessie having the time of her life at this party, so if Bella starts to freak out about how big this bash is going to be, I’ll have Edward help me overrule her.

Anyway, with that settled, I’ve been pretty mellow lately. In fact, all of us have been in a good mood ever since we agreed that Renee could come visit. She’s going to call Charlie in a few days and he is all ready to deliver his lines. Charlie is just as invested in keeping the secret as we are – he knows that if anyone starts to have any suspicions, Bella will have to leave, and that’s the last thing he wants. (Of course, he doesn’t actually know what the secret is … but he knows there is one.)

It’s funny, but back when we were still discussing if and when we’d change Bella, I never saw how well this would work out. I mean, I’d seen Bella as a vampire, little glimpses now and then, but I never dreamed things could go this well – she is the only one of us who didn’t have to quit the human life cold turkey. Not that I remember mine, and I don’t think anyone in the family resents it, but still … I think that some of them might be a little bit jealous. Here we are, wealthy beyond belief, with our soul mates and a wonderful family led by Carlisle and Esme; the ideal parents … and then on top of that, Bella gets to keep her old family and friends, and a biological child thrown in too. Come to think of it, it’d be crazy for them not to be jealous, and not just Rosalie either.

It really makes me glad that I don’t have those human memories like everyone else. I feel completely fulfilled. I know it’s hard for Emmett to hear Rosalie say that this wasn’t a life she would have chosen – kind of sounds like she’d trade him in for a chance at a human life – and I’m so, so glad that Jasper doesn’t have to worry about that with me. Honestly, he doesn’t seem to mind this life so much himself, maybe because he left his family to join the army at such a young age, maybe because this life is such an incredible improvement over his original vampire lifestyle with her. Whatever the reason, he never makes me feel like there’s anywhere else he’d rather be … and I hope I give him the same gift in return.

I guess I’m still in that nostalgic mood, thinking back to when we met. We have spent some time apart since then, going on separate hunts, and that time I went to Italy believing I would be destroyed … when Jasper’s not near me, I am not a complete person. I’m less than myself, diminished in some vital way. He’s told me he feels the same; that being with me gives him purpose and that he thinks I was created to help him become a better man, especially since we joined the Cullens and the “vegetarian” lifestyle.

What a charmer he is – it’s obviously the other way around! How could I be myself, my cheerful, chirpy, mildly annoying hyperactive self, without Jasper? How could I be me? Well, I just couldn’t, and that’s the truth. Without him infusing my life with joy on a daily basis, I would be a pale shadow of who I am now. His love makes me want to return the favor to the entire universe – it’s one of the reasons I love to throw parties and make friends with people, I want to give love back, because I’ve been given so much.

I’m sorry, I can’t keep writing right now. I need to go find Jasper and have him read this entry. I don’t want another minute of his life to go by without him knowing exactly what he means to me.

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