October 6, 2010
Granted, the week didn’t have such a great start. I had not enjoyed disciplining Renesmee, but my brother had asked me to and I had done my best. None of us wanted to say no to her, or hurt her feelings in any way, but neither did we want her to become spoiled; and for the dangerous stunt she pulled on Sunday, some punishment had been in order.
Luckily, Edward knew better than to cancel her birthday party – after all, that would really punish me more than anyone else – and between my lecture (which I hoped had been okay) and the emotional discussion between him, Bella and Ness when they returned from the airport, it seemed like Renesmee had completely understood the gravity of her mistake.
Of course, we were all more eager to forgive her (whose motivation had been completely understandable) than Jacob, her enabler. It’s not that anyone doubts his claim that he literally cannot say no to her; we’ve all seen the evidence of that before. However.
“How could you do that, Jacob?” Bella cried, blurring into the living room so fast even I couldn’t see it: One moment she was outside, the next moment she was advancing on Jacob, who stood his ground but was unable to make eye contact. His head was lowered in shame, and his face suffused with color as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other.
Clearing his throat, he mumbled, “I know. I know it was a bad plan. But, Bells,” he continued, lifting his eyes to give her a beseeching stare, “she asked me to, and -”
“And so you gave in to the plan of a one-year-old, allowed – caused – her to put herself and the rest of us in danger simply because she asked you to?” Edward growled, a familiar fire burning in his eyes as he faced Jacob. Rosalie and Emmett looked self-righteously pleased at the prospect of a physical showdown, but, still stinging from the mutual pain of my disciplinary actions earlier, I couldn’t bear to watch this confrontation.
Edward, come on, I begged him mentally. You stopped Emmett from killing him earlier, don’t tell me that was just because you wanted to be the one to do it? Momentarily distracted, Edward continued to scowl at Jacob as he listened to my thoughts.
Bella took over. “Jacob, my mother was right … there,” she hissed. “She could have seen you both! A little girl, sitting on a wolf’s back! Are you kidding me? She would have freaked out, gotten Charlie to go outside with his gun, we would have been calming her down for days – and then, we could never let Renesmee meet her,” she finished, her eyes automatically straying toward the forest in the direction of their cottage, where Nessie was sleeping. “If we just wait a few years, Alice says we might get to introduce Ness, but only if Renee doesn’t see her at this age. Did you even stop to think about that? Did you think about anything at all before galloping off into the forest to ruin my last night with my mother?”
The accused drew in a deep, shuddering breath and tried to defend himself. “I did, I swear, Bella,” he insisted. “I ordered Seth to keep quiet so nobody would even have to find out – I guess that didn’t work out so well,” he admitted, “but I swear, I tried to do it in the safest way possible, since I didn’t have any choice about whether or not to bring her there. And you know she should have been allowed to see Renee anyway, Bella,” he whispered, the lines of his face rearranging into a mask of anxiety. “Please don’t be mad at her, just – it’s my fault, but please don’t be upset with her. She really just needed to see Renee.”
If there was one way to soften Bella up, appealing to her love of her daughter was it. She immediately hung her head and confessed, “You’re right, I know we should have let her see her at least once, we were just so afraid that my mom might catch a glimpse of Renesmee and then …”
“You did the right thing, of course, Bella,” Edward soothed, cupping her face in his hands. The fight was dead and buried by that point. Everyone in the room had the exact same motive – love for Renesmee – behind their actions, so there really wasn’t anything to argue about.
The next day marked the beginning of Edward Torture Week, or ETW as the boys, Rose, and I had begun to call it. In preparation for the first day, we had all (even Carlisle and Esme) watched all of those silly high school musical movies and committed them to memory. The plan for Monday was to play those movies in our minds all day – on repeat.
Emmett wanted us to go all out and perform each of the corresponding dance routines, but for once, I was not in favor of dancing. Maybe I had dance overload from the last week, but I thought it would be funnier if we were all going about our business as usual and only singing inside our heads (visualizing the movie, too, of course). Since Jasper and Rosalie made it a tie, Jacob had to give the pivotal vote; and for once, he was very diplomatic. We would do one song inside our minds only, the next one with the accompanying dance routine, the next inside our minds only, and so on.
And so it was that at precisely 9:03AM on Monday morning, every single member of my family plus Jacob began singing and visualizing HSM inside our minds.
We weren’t even together – I was on the computer double-checking party plans, Jasper was in our room reading, Emmett and Rose had been making out (I sincerely hoped they had stopped once visions of teenagers filled their minds), Esme was in her office and Carlisle was measuring Renesmee.
At first, Edward didn’t appear to notice anything. He continued to twirl Bella’s hair around his fingers as she cuddled against his shoulder. But after a minute or so, as the song got more enthusiastic, he began to frown slightly. Pressing his lips together, he darted a glance at me, but I ignored him and kept working. I could almost hear him decide to act like nothing was bothering him. That was fine with me – it would only make the dance routine even funnier!
At the appointed moment, everyone else jumped into the living room and began the routine – still in complete silence. Carlisle even dropped his measuring tape to do it, although his eyes twinkled a bit less than, for example, Emmett’s as we danced. Esme was under the impression that we just wanted to have fun with Edward, so she was giving it her all. And I struggled to keep a perfectly blank expression on my face as I clapped, spun, and sang inside my mind.
Bella’s mouth was hanging wide open and at first she didn’t seem to know what to make of it. But soon, her shoulders began to shake with laughter as Renesmee stared at us in wide-eyed fascination.
The cherry on top was, of course, Jacob. He had decided to stay in his wolf form for the first dance routine.
Have you ever seen a horse-sized wolf imitate a cheerleader? No? Well, you really should someday. I had a hard time containing myself – we were all supposed to remain silent – as he waggled his huge, furry hips at our audience.
Even Edward was cracking up when we finished, but he stopped laughing pretty quickly as he realized we were nowhere near done yet. The rest of the day, we kept singing our songs in our heads, continuing to do whatever we wanted but pausing for a dance routine every other song. After a few hours he had his hands pressed so hard against his forehead, I was afraid his eyeballs would get shoved into his brain. But since Ness was loving it, he couldn’t escape! It was fabulous!
That was only the beginning. On Tuesday, at 8:49AM, I began to sing to myself, Lollipop, lollipop, oh lolly lollipop, lollipop - and then I would pause for a second and start over again. Each of my siblings, Jacob, Seth, and even Leah had been assigned different start times so that Edward would hear a jumbled chorus of “lollipops” in his mind, but never the crucial “pop.”
Finally he lost his mind and shouted, “POP!” at the top of his lungs – this was at 1:15, so he actually lasted a lot longer than we thought he would. Once we had all laughed ourselves silly, Emmett handed his money over to Jacob (who won the bet with 1:00PM), and we moved on to the KitKat jingle. You know, “Give me a break, give me a break, break me off a piece of that …” It took him less than an hour to give in and yell “KITKAT BAR!!!”
Today, however, I couldn’t get involved in their games. I was too busy overseeing the delivery of some inflatable castles, obstacle courses, etc. They were being delivered to a vacant lot in Port Angeles, and I had to be there to sign for them (using a false identity, naturally), then wait for the delivery guys to leave before I could load them into the U-Haul waiting around the corner.
But they had told me what the day’s inspiration was … Christopher Walken’s rendition of “Poker Face.” Coming home, I expected to find Edward tearing his own hair out; but to my surprise, he wasn’t even there!
“What happened?” I asked Emmett and Rose, who were curled up on the couch, staring at each other. Emmett laughed and shook his head.
“That Edward, what a baby! He couldn’t handle it,” Emmett scoffed, with his usual cocky grin. Rose smirked at me, apparently very pleased with the day’s work.
Hmmm. Well … “He’ll be back tomorrow,” I informed them, seeing Bella and Ness urging him to return. I gave my best evil laugh and promised, “We’ll get him!”
Gotta go, I have a truck full of deflated bouncy castles and slides to bring to the baseball clearing!