October 27, 2010
Okay, so maybe I overreacted just a bit. Okay Edward, very funny, maybe more than just a bit. But it is so hard for me to have Jasper out of my sight for even a few minutes, and to surprise me with it like that – ugh. I can’t even think about it.
But … it worked. So it looks like I’ll have to relive the experience a few more times (unless I magically perfect my skills the very next time, hoping hoping hoping)!
Not for a while though. Carlisle and Edward were moping around the house like angels cast down from heaven until I forgave them, and they promised me we wouldn’t try again until I was ready.
So for now I’m off the hook from experimenting, and I have to admit I’ve been sort of clingy with Jazz ever since that horrid day. (He doesn’t seem to mind, though.) I’m ashamed to admit that my wrath even extended to Emmett for having unintentionally inspired the torture experiment … that is, until he gave me puppy dog eyes and a massive, bone-crushing hug. He was so strong, my newborn-fighting instincts started to kick in a little, and then I was the one apologizing to him, and, well, we’re all good now.
Which brings me to yesterday. Having forgiven Emmett and remembered the vision I had shortly before … you know what, I was fully prepared for the day’s events. I was waiting outside his and Rosalie’s bedroom when he snuck out around 4:30 AM.
“Aw, hey, you’re helping me?” he whispered excitedly, eying my all-black outfit and painted black face. (Sure, anyone in this household could still spot me a mile away, but it was fun!)
I rolled my eyes and shot back, “Like you could pull this thing off without me?”
“Hey now,” he protested, still in a rough whisper as we bounded down the stairs, “whose freaking awesome idea was this anyway?”
“Yes, but there are just a few areas you failed to cover,” I informed him sweetly as we arrived at the massive truck parked a few miles down the highway. “I saw the whole setup before the wolves are due to arrive, and I have some improvements on it.”
“Whatever, as long as it’s still hilarious,” Emmett muttered dismissively, grabbing two giant trampolines in each hand and carefully spinning back toward the house.
“Oh, it’s going to be even better, believe me,” I assured him from behind my load of trampolines.
“Sweet!” he chortled, stopping to give me a high-five. We both juggled our trampolines for a second before our hands could meet. This began what was to be an entire day of laughter.
As quietly as possible, we raced back and forth between the truck and the house, carefully placing each trampoline according to the diagram inside my head. The estimated 30 minute assembly time per trampoline was cut down to 3 seconds, thanks to vampire speed. Once they were all in place, I led Emmett to my own stash of items prepared for this day – I had first caught a glimpse of it even before Renee was slated to visit, so I had plenty of time to stock up. Emmett grumbled when I refused to allow power tools, but it was crucial to not wake up Renesmee or Seth before we were ready.
By the time we were done, Jazz and Rosalie were standing on the porch, shaking with the laughter they struggled to keep silent. I had to admit, it was a brilliant idea from Emmett, the prankster.
“Are we ready?” I whispered urgently, as padded footsteps thundered toward us.
“Ready!” Emmett mouthed, bouncing on his heels with a mile-wide grin as Jacob neared the yard.
Round one, I thought gleefully, as Jacob-the-wolf skidded to a halt a few feet from our setup. Jasper elbowed me, and I glanced up to see his face contorted with amusement as he felt the confusion rolling off Jacob when he saw what we had done.
Emmett’s idea was to build a moat of trampolines around the entire house. Don’t ask me how he came up with it, something to do with the bouncy houses maybe, I don’t know. But he had bought dozens of hexagonal 12-foot trampolines, which we arranged around the house in a honeycomb pattern, with no gaps between each one. Trampoline moat!
What Emmett hadn’t thought of was the possibility of sneaking under the trampolines, which was where I came in. I had purchased gym mats – you know, those bright blue, 5 foot deep pads – which we had used to line each exposed border of trampoline around the base.
There was only one way to get to the house.
As we watched Jacob come to that conclusion, I thought my lungs would explode from trying to muffle my gasping laughter. I hadn’t been able to see his reaction, of course, but I had imagined it – and this was about a million times better than I could have hoped!
He growled low in his throat, a disgusted sound to match the prissy pose he assumed, with his paws firmly set on the ground and his nose in the air. Edward was not yet there to translate, but I was pretty sure the dog was thinking, No way in hell.
But it was time for Seth to wake up! Leah came racing to the house from the same direction as Jacob, and skidded out in exactly the same way as she did a double-take. Her yellow eyes narrowed to slits as she assessed the situation, and came to a decision.
Threading through the trees to where Seth was snoring away in his hammock, Leah poked her wet nose into his back and barked at him.
Immediately, Seth woke up flailing his arms, and before you could say “HAHAHAHAHA” he had gotten himself tangled in the hammock. Now that he was up, we didn’t have to be quiet, thank goodness – the four of us on the porch were paralyzed with the force of our hysterical laughter.
Dangling upside-down in the net, Seth stared at the blue gym mat just a few feet away from his face. “Whass goin’ on?” he mumbled, sounding sleepy and disoriented. Leah snorted as her little brother squirmed until he fell out of the twisted hammock and onto the ground with a dull thunk.
Bouncing back up, Seth took in the sight before him with his mouth hanging open. Unlike his packmates, though, his reaction was one of awe and excitement.
“COOL!” he hollered at the top of his lungs, yanking at his left foot to get his shoes off. As he hopped in place, Leah swiped at him with her huge paw and knocked him off balance.
I swear that kid’s made of rubber – he bounced right back up again and got his other shoe off while encouraging Leah to see how totally great this was. She didn’t look convinced.
“Ooh, I’m gonna kill a human,” Emmett boomed, making “scary” faces at Leah and Jacob as he waved at them to come closer. “Oh, you better stop me! Come and get it, pups!”
Rosalie had been bent over, cracking up, but now she straightened and began to speak up. “What, you’re afraid of some trampolines? Are you scared your little claws might rip a hole in them? Maybe we shouldn’t let them up there, they’ll just shed all over our trampolines -”
With a whoop, Seth took a flying leap onto the edge of the outermost trampoline. Once up there, he began bouncing happily from one to the next, with no clear intentions on getting to the house.
“Aw, he’s no fun,” Emmett grumbled, turning back to Jacob and Leah. They were both seated with skeptical looks on their faces – and it bothers me that I can distinguish these expressions now. I mean, they’re dogs. They should look like the dumb house pets they’re descended from.
“Come on! Come and get me!” Emmett shouted. Just then, we heard Edward and Bella approaching. Round two begins!
Cackling madly, I watched my sister-in-law halt at the edge of the forest, gaping unattractively at the very unusual sight before her. Seth was turning somersaults in the air, but he managed to wave hello to the newcomers.
Nessie, perched on Edward’s shoulders, surveyed the trampoline moat with delight and began giggling straight away. When her hand pressed against my brother’s face, I knew she was begging to be set down on the trampoline.
Edward gladly assisted her to the nearest one before turning back to beckon to his wife, with a wicked grin on his face. How he’d managed to keep this a secret from her for the last two days was beyond me, but I was thrilled with her reaction. She was still frozen in place as her eyes darted from us, to the moat, to Seth, to Jacob and Leah …
Eyes wide, her shoulders began to shake. A small whimper escaped her mouth as Renesmee bounced toward Seth, with Jacob watching indignantly. Finally, Bella burst into helpless laughter.
The four of us on the porch were grinning proudly, and Jazz was in heaven – the hilarity must have been almost painful for him! But it was not over yet.
At Nessie’s encouragement to come join her, Jacob whined softly and glanced at Leah, his ears back on his head. But Renesmee kept begging him to “come up and play,” and we could all hear his stomach growling in reaction to the honey ham that I had thoughtfully tossed into the oven a few hours back.
With a dog sigh, Jacob backed up a few steps, tensed, and sprang. He landed on all fours in the center of a trampoline, his legs splayed in all directions. Over the sound of my own giggles, I heard him growl softly.
“Come on, Jacob!” Ness shrieked, bouncing from one spot to another. Jacob straightened and took a tentative step toward the house, then another. He was making pretty decent (if bouncy) progress until the first gap between trampolines – the covered 18 inches of springs connecting the surface to the frame, which added up to three feet he needed to cross.
With his hairy brow furrowed, Jacob tried to hop the distance, but overshot by about two feet and immediately went shooting into the air.
It was hard to hear over our screaming laughter, but I think he yelped in surprise. He landed on his massive butt and bounced back up again as Renesmee giggled uncontrollably.
I could tell exactly when he stopped being annoyed and started having fun – it was when Nessie had to wipe tears off her face, still gasping for breath. Jacob began to bounce harder to get her to laugh more, and she was glad to oblige.
“I’m goin’ in!” Emmett yelled, diving headfirst onto the closest trampoline. Rosalie stepped out of her stilettos and followed him.
“May I have the honor?” Jazz asked sweetly, holding out his hand to me with a brilliant smile on his face. I accepted daintily and we joined the bouncing fools.
After a while, even Leah joined us – after changing and throwing on her clothes. I suspect it was because of the competition we had just started. (The working title was “See Who Can Bounce Over The House Without Scraping The Roof.”)
We got pretty good at it by the time Esme and Carlisle returned from their hunt. Round three!
Of course, they would show up right when Emmett was mid-bounce over the roof. Esme gasped in shock and horror at the sight. Carlisle, on the other hand, had a wide-eyed grimace that I recognized from every single prank we’d ever played – the look that said, I’m supposed to disapprove but this is too funny.
Em landed with a bounce, and smiled shyly at Esme, who had her arms folded and was glaring straight at him – it was pretty obvious that this could only be his idea.
“Emmett Cullen,” she began sternly. “Did I just see you bounce over my roof?“
“Yeah, mom,” he confessed, hanging his head in shame. I saw him peek out of the corner of his eye, though. Good thing Esme wasn’t a mind reader.
“Well …” she sighed, shaking her head as she took in the sight of one dog, two humans (ish), her granddaughter and all her kids sheepishly standing on trampolines surrounding her house.
“I guess I’d better show you how it’s done!” she finished, hopping up to join us with a grin.
“Yeah!” Emmett yelled, picking her up in one of his patented bear hugs.
And that was how my Tuesday went. How was yours?