December 8, 2010
So Rosalie was here, eh? I have to admit, when I had the vision of her taking my diary away to her room, there was a brief moment of “uh-oh, what have I written about her in there …” Of course, being Rosalie, part of what she was doing in the vision was flipping through my diary looking for her own name, and then pausing to read what was written about her. But since I haven’t really said anything unpleasant about her – in fact, I think I’ve said some nice things, and some things she’d find very amusing – I didn’t bother to stop her.
I’m not annoyed that she removed a few pages, either. There are a finite number of pages in this book anyway, and once it’s full I’ve got a small pile of pretty new ones just waiting for their turn in the spotlight! Still, I think I’ll write a little “Please don’t borrow me” note on the inside cover, just in case. After all, some of this stuff is pretty private.
I am a bit curious as to what she wrote. But, knowing her, the main themes were boredom and irritation; easy enough to guess.
Anyway, we are rapidly approaching Christmas! The Nutcracker is really coming along. I swear when I did my most recent fitting of Nessie’s costume, Bella, Rose, Esme and I all wanted to cry. She looked like a fairy-tale princess, with her shining waves of copper hair, pale glowing skin, rose-flushed cheeks and lips, and big brown eyes … Oh, how Walt Disney would have loved to have her as his muse (filthy, misogynist racist that he was)!
Today, Jacob had Nessie at the reservation – apparently we’ve been “hogging” her lately, what-ever! – and the men-folk were all out together, doing their Christmas shopping (so late, but thanks to Edward, they should still be able to do a good job).
That left me, Bella, Rose, and Esme at home together. At first Bella was thinking about going to see Charlie, but then Esme was so delighted that all of “us girls” could have girly bonding time, Bella couldn’t resist her happiness at the idea of spending the day together.
So we gathered in the living room, bringing presents to wrap, a stack of catalogs to go through (me), and some glossy-covered girl magazines (Rosalie). I, of course, had quite a few items to wrap, and even though I have my vampire speed, I still take a little while to determine the perfect combination of designer paper, ribbon, and accessories for each gift.
Rosalie sauntered into the room and draped herself across the sofa in her favorite position, her long legs crossed carelessly at the knee to show off her shapely thighs that were, as usual, exposed by her skirt, one arm bent on the back of the couch to support her head in her hand as she flicked through the pages of Cosmopolitan magazine. I tried not to think about the latest sex tips she was reading – it’s taken all my patience and sensitivity not to sound-proof the walls to her and Emmett’s room as it is. As she gazed at the magazine, she twirled her liquid gold hair around the fingers of her other hand, showing off the shimmering champagne highlights no mortal could ever possess and her flawless manicure at the same time.
Yep, she’s a self-absorbed beauty, our Rosalie. It’s much more noticeable when Nessie isn’t around to distract her.
Bella, in contrast, was warmly dressed in jeans (designer), a long-sleeved tee (slightly less designer), and a thick cable-knit sweater (designer, and not your momma’s cable-knit). Like me, she was cross-legged on the floor, frowning in concentration as she worked on her gifts. I’d already seen what she was giving everyone, so I didn’t pay attention to what she was doing.
As soon as Esme had the 20 racks of seasoned ribs in the oven (yes, that’s 4 full racks of ribs per teenage werewolf, and experience has taught her to overestimate how much food they’ll eat), she raced into the living room with the box containing her card-making supplies, and a huge smile on her face. She loves spending time with us, I really should try to make more time for her.
We each settled into our tasks, chatting companionably for the most part, with a few less-friendly remarks from Rosalie who seems to be in a worse mood than usual at the moment. Need proof? How about this little question she casually threw out at Bella:
“Aren’t you upset that Renesmee is growing up so fast?” she asked in her standard blunt way, causing Esme and I to freeze in place, appalled. As if that wasn’t insensitive enough – of course it bothers Bella that her daughter’s childhood is speeding by so rapidly – Rosalie continued, “You know she’ll be moving out of your house and into that disgusting boy’s shack in a few years.”
Way to go, Rose. Way to freaking go. Lovely girly bonding time, until you threw a bomb right in the middle of it.
But Bella, bless her, didn’t blow up (ha – see what I did there?). Instead, although she looked taken aback, she just bit her lip and considered her words carefully. I sat there frozen, hoping Bella knew I had not seen that coming, and that I would definitely have slapped my hand over the girl’s mouth had I known she would be saying it.
“I think about it all day … every day,” Bella admitted, so softly I wasn’t quite sure she wasn’t talking only to herself. Despite my indignation at Rose for asking, I was suddenly dying of curiosity myself. My hands remained suspended in midair as I waited, not breathing, to hear Bella’s response. Esme had stopped moving, as well.
“I never knew I wanted a child,” Bella continued, still speaking to the floor more than to any of us. “I never knew how fiercely I could love someone until I felt her move that first time. And then all I could think of was protecting her, surviving long enough to give birth …” Her voice trailed off as she stared into the distance, reliving the horrific birth, I imagined. I much preferred not to think of it myself.
Her chin rose and she met Rosalie’s insolent stare. “But now that she’s here, it doesn’t matter what I had expected – I don’t care if she turns into an adult overnight, or even marries Jacob tomorrow. As long as she’s here … as long as she can stay with me – us – for eternity … If I was destroyed, I wouldn’t mind, as long as I knew she would still exist,” Bella tried to explain.
Esme was gazing tenderly at Bella, obviously in agreement with what she was saying. She nodded encouragingly for her to go on, as Rosalie appeared to expect more of an answer than that.
I listened in fascination as the inner workings of a mother’s mind were revealed, my subconscious mind replacing Renesmee with a tiny black-haired girl in fantasies of motherly love.
“Of course I hate that she can’t have a normal childhood – of course I wish she had time to grow up, enjoy being a child,” Bella said wistfully. “But if you think about, she has all the time in the world … and, although she’ll be all grown way too soon, at least we’ll know we’ve given her the best possible childhood.” At this, all of us nodded proudly, in agreement on at least one thing. No one in the history of the universe would ever have a better life than Renesmee’s, as long as we were around.
And she’s right – we have all of eternity. Sure, I’ll miss things like bouncy slides and silly games when she’s grown … but then, she’s bound to become such an incredible woman, there’s no way I won’t still love having her in my life.
After that little chat, the rest of the afternoon seemed pretty dull! I did manage to force convince Bella to let me give her a manicure, even though she still doesn’t get the point of it (of course it’s not necessary! So what?), and Esme very capably steered the conversation back to more neutral territory, so that we all relaxed again and just enjoyed being together for a change.
The brief respite from noisy boys was over fast, though; once the smell of the ribs cooking permeated the forest, Embry and Seth were incoming and I was outgoing (or at least, going out of the living room and back to my bedroom). I had much more work to do anyway. My gosh, there’s only a couple of weeks left before Christmas! So much to do!
I’ll write more soon, if I can!