mydarrling


(Jacob’s Diary) Apologies

April 22, 2011


Dear Diary,

After the whole incident with James’ twin sister Lucy, things around here have died down, I guess you could say.

Ness and I finally moved into our house. We finished unpacking all of her stuff, which took a while. Living with her is just…so great. I mean, most people get sick of being around someone all the time, but with Nessie, it’s not like that. The more time I spend with her, the more I love being around her.

Being just five feet away from her has gotten tough for me… and to imagine before we got married, I saw her once a day.

Patrolling is hell.

When I have to patrol, all I do is think about her. I always knew that imprinting was super intense, but I didn’t know that it grew with time.

Being free of Edward’s wrath is nice also…I mean, he’s a awesome guy, but he’s a very protective father too. It’s funny how we’re friends now, and not too long ago, I hated him for sucking the life out of the girl I thought I loved. Now I’m married to his daughter. Hell, who knew?

Rosalie isn’t being as hateful either. Everything’s going well ’round here for now; but it seems like right when it does go well, after a month or so of peace, another damn supernatural creature is trying to kill us all.

Alice just foresaw a big jump in the stock market, so the money’s piled in their bank accounts – which means they’re spending even more than they normally do. I swear if they didn’t have money, they’d be so lost.

That also means that they bought me a brand new Ducati motorcycle; same edition as Jasper’s – that was originally Edward’s. Mine’s black though, so it’s way more badass. Nessie got a vintage–looking Mercedes-Benz G-Class SUV with all leather interior, and a ton of other extra stuff. Alice helped her pick it out.

It’s a good time for us.

Esme also treated Ness and I to a hot tub, so on the colder nights, me and Ness can relax.

I guess you guys can also imagine that some nights I get more sleep than others…I hate to sound perverted about it, but now that Edward doesn’t hover, we take advantage of the privacy.

I still can’t believe I’m Ness’s husband, that I was lucky enough to be the one for her. That we were meant to be together. That the higher power in this world made it so that I ended up with the most amazing person to ever live.

I never knew that anyone was capable of having such a strong love for another. Nessie was my savior. She saved me from myself. I was stupid, and I thought I couldn’t live if Bella didn’t love me back.

Ness saved me.

She is my happiness. She showed me that everything happens for a reason. I know now that the whole time I had argued with Edward, saying I loved Bella more; I really didn’t. I loved her as a friend – and maybe more than that at the time – but that was before she gave birth to Nessie. Edward loves Bella the way I love Ness. I understand it now, I know how much he loves her because I feel the same about Renesmee.

Everyone knows damn well that I don’t normally admit it when I’m wrong, but hey, I was. Bella was Edward’s to love. I’m just surprised I didn’t annoy him enough to kill me back then, because if the situation had been reversed, I would’ve ripped his head off. I can’t believe I pretty much came between their relationship and all he did was have a few smartass remarks.

When I was watching the football game with Edward in the Cullens’ living room yesterday, I had a conversation about how sorry I was for my actions towards him. I’m not the kind of person to apologize. It wasn’t easy.

I apologized though. I told him how sorry I was for being such an ass after he got back from leaving Bella. Even if leaving her was a mistake, he did it because he loved her. So since that’s the only big mistake he’s ever really made with her, he deserved an apology from me for interfering.

Of course, he had to be the most polite person ever and he graciously accepted my apology.

“Jacob, I understand. You did love Bella and everything you did and how you felt was a completely natural reaction for the situation. I know that when you imprinted it changed your whole view on love.” He looked down, and laughed to himself. “I obviously wish I would’ve had longer to see my daughter as a baby, a small child. It went by so fast…but I know she’s happy with you, Jacob. You love her, more than anything, and you take care of her just fine. I’m proud of how far you’ve come, Jacob.”

I smiled at him. “I know it’s hard for you to see her grown up.”

He laughed when I said this. “You don’t know the end of it, Jacob.”

 

~.~

 

I’ve had long conversations with Edward a lot and I’m sure that the one we had yesterday won’t be the last of them. Every time I talk with him, I feel better. I don’t like holding in all my feelings, even if that makes me sound like a huge softie.

Now that we’re not fighting over Bells, me and Eddy Boy are good friends, along with the rest of the family. Because that’s what we are.

A big family.

- Jacob

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