Esme’s Diary (Chapter 8: New Thoughts)

May 19, 2011

My heart stopped beating… I couldn’t tell if he was going to attempt to kiss me or not. I actually wanted him to kiss me now… I was so caught up in the moment that I actually didn’t care if anyone saw us.

It was like someone else had taken over my body. I wasn’t acting the way I normally did, I was being carefree and irresponsible.

He was so close I could feel his breathe against my cheek. He was just staring into my eyes, so close. I wasn’t sure how long I could take this, either he was going to kiss me or I was going to have to move away and regain my composure.

Before I had any more time to think Johnathon lent down a fraction further and softly pressed his lips on mine and I took a sharp intake of breath. I hadn’t thought he was actually going to kiss me. I closed my eyes and let instinct take over. His soft lips pushed against mine. I wanted it to carry on forever. Then I heard a rustle behind me. I jumped back, pulling away from Johnathon with a gasp. Turning around all I saw was a squirrel running up a tree. But it was enough to snap me out of my daze and back to reality.

“I’m sorry, I have to go,” I mumbled to Johnathon. I didn’t wait to hear what he had to say. I was so angry with myself. Why did I let my barriers down? Why?

I rushed into my house and wandered around. I didn’t know what to do.

I had to get out, I had to talk to someone. I walked out of the house, glad that Johnathon hadn’t hung around waiting. I made my way to Evie’s house.

I knocked on Evie’s door lightly. “Come in,” she shouted..

“Hi Evie.”

“Hey, am I glad to see you. Couldn’t give me a hand could you?”

“Sure, put me to work,” I replied.

“Can you please feed Ruby whilst I fix dinner for Harry and Mary?”

“Of course I can. Come here little lady and let Auntie Esme give you your dinner,” I said in a motherly-tone.

Ruby was so pretty, she was the mirror image of her mother: gorgeous blonde curls and startling blue eyes. And as the youngest, Evie adored her. Not that she didn’t love the others but she had a soft spot for Ruby. The other two, Mary and Harry JNR, were very similar to their father Harry SNR, with their dark hair and hazel eyes. They each had the strong jawline that their father had. Evie and Ruby had much softer features, thin faces and high cheekbones.

“So, how are you?” Evie asked, I could tell she knew something was up.

“Well, remember I told you about that man I met?” I didn’t wait for Evie to say anything. I had to get this out otherwise I wouldn’t say it. “Well I went to my tree again today and he turned up a little later. Anyway, we talked and the feelings I had were so strong and I didn’t know what to do. I wanted something to happen but at the same time I didn’t. I told him I had to go home before something happened, so he walked me home, and then he held my face in his hands and whispered in my ear that he was falling in love with me. Then he kissed me.” I spoke so quickly that I only used on breathe while saying all this and I gasped for breathe as Evie took in everything I had just told her.

“Esme,” she began, a twinkle in her eye. “Although I can understand your predicament I am thrilled.”

My mouth dropped open as she carried on.

“Please, let me explain. You used to be so carefree and happy and then when you married Charles we all knew it wasn’t your choice. And then almost immediately you lost the sparkle in your eye. Not long after you married him you came to see me, your sleeves kept riding up and showing the bruises on your arm. I didn’t want to say anything because I knew you would talk to me when you were ready. When Charles went to war you became yourself again, but only fractionally. Since you met Johnathon you have had that sparkle in your eye again. I know it’s not the most ideal situation but you deserve so much better, and it would seem that Johnathon is that person. I think you should enjoy yourself and find out what he wants. But at the same time be careful, you don’t want Charles finding out when he gets back.”

By this point I was crying. Tears were streaming out of my eyes and flowing freely down my face. I had mixed emotions. Sad because I wish my life had turned out differently. But happy because I had another chance.

“Evie, thank you so much. You’ve helped more than words can say. I….”

“Esme, it’s fine, don’t worry.” At that exact moment in walked Evie’s parents.

I have to go now so I shall right again soon!

Love Esme xx


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