mydarrling


(Esme’s Diary) Chapter 11: Dreams

July 1, 2011


I laid there, completely dumbfounded.

That was something I hadn’t expected. I stared into Johnathon’s beautiful chocolate brown eyes. I couldn’t bring myself to say anything, and to be honest, I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to hurt him. I loved him too much to say something that might hurt him – but I needed to explain why I didn’t know what to say.

“Johnathon, I…..”

He placed his index finger on my lips, silencing me. I wondered if my eyes were showing fear.

“Esme, I know what I am asking is a huge step for you. I also know that you can’t just get up and leave. But what I will ask is that you think about it. And if you do decide to leave with me then the only thing I will ask is that we leave before Charles returns. As soon as we hear of his return then I want to leave. I cannot stand to see that man hurt you again. Please Esme, think about it.”

“Johnathon, I will think about it. That I promise you. Charles is leaving in 2 days and I am not prepared to make a decision until we know whether he is coming back or not. What we have at the moment is perfect and I don’t want to ruin it!”

Johnathon didn’t say anything else. I think he may have been slightly upset by what I had said, but I couldn’t just up and leave like that. If I did decide to leave, then I wanted time to say goodbye to some people.

Evie, for one.

She was my best friend and the one person that knew about Johnathon and I. I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye to her.

The next day I went to see Evie. I didnt know exactly what to say to her. I knocked on her door and as I waited for her to answer I thought about how I was going to tell her about Johnathon’s proposition. When she answered the door she saw the happiness glow from every pore in my body and the sparkle in my eyes again. Right then and there she knew I had found someone I would be really truly happy with.

She hugged me and told me that I could tell her anything, so thats what I did. I told her everything from Charles being home from the war for a week –and what he had done to me – to what Johnathon had asked of me. She was full of pure joy for me.

“Esme,” she began. “I’m so glad you have now found Johnathon. I believe you should run away with him an be happy once and for all. I just ask one thing, please. Just stay in touch with me whenever you can,” she pleaded, tears of happiness and sadness cascading down her cheeks.

“Of coarse I will silly. How could I ever leave and forget you?” I replied, the tears flowing freely out of my eyes and onto my cheeks now.

I was still unsure of what option to pick, though. This was going to be one difficult desion. But I knew one thing for sure – and that’s that I was in love Johnathon and I surely did not want to hurt him.

The next few days went past without incident. Charles left to return back to the war. I was pleased he had left. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take of his abuse. He was nothing compared to Johnathon. Charles had evil blood flowing through his veins. There was something wrong with that man. Something must have happened to him to make him so hateful towards women. Or maybe it was just me. I didn’t know and to be honest I didn’t care anymore.

Johnathon and I took our relationship to the next level a few weeks after Charles left. I mean, we’d already done “everything,” but we had decided to spend the night together. Johnathon came up with an excuse to get away from his parents for the night. He then snuck into the house after dark and we spent the night together, just the two of us. It was the most romantic evening I had ever experienced.

We spent the evening laying on the floor in front of the open fire place, the fire roaring in front of us, providing us with ample warmth. Completey cocooned in our own little world for a whole evening. We slept, talked, ate and well… I’m sure you can all guess the rest.

It was perfect.

I couldn’t imagine ever having to live any other way than this. At some point, I dont remember when, we decided to go to bed. Johnathon fell asleep quickly but I couldn’t bring myself to stop staring at him as he slept. It was while I was watching his chest rise and fall with each breath that I heard a floor board creak downstairs.

Probably nothing, I thought to myself, concentrating on Johnathon’s breathing once again. I nearly jumped completely out of the bed when I heard something crash downstairs and someone’s voice curse.

Laying there, time stood still. The intruder was now righting what ever they had knocked over. I was terrified. What was I going to do? What if it was Charles checking up on me? I started hyperventilating. I nudged Johnathon, trying desperately to wake him.

“Johnathon, Johnathon, wake up please,” I whispered, desperately trying not to make the intruder aware that I was awake.

“Mmmmm,” he murmured, refusing to wake up.

“Johnathon!!! Wake up damn it,” I whispered a little louder, more harsh.

That woke Johnathon up. He bolted upright in bed and looked at me with wide eyes.

“What’s up? Is everything ok?” he asked, worried.

“There’s someone in the house,” I sobbed.

Johnathon jumped out of bed, pulling on some pants and grabbing the closest thing to hand, a baseball bat, then he whispered to me, “Stay here Esme.” His voice was firm.

“No, I’m coming with you.” I was NOT staying upstairs on my own.

“Fine, just stay behind me. And try and stay quiet,” he replied in a low whisper.

We creeped out of the bedroom onto the landing. Johnathon was in front of me. I tugged on his shirt stopping him. “I’m scared,” I whispered, so quietly it was barely audible.

Johnathon put his arms around me and pulled me close. “It’s okay, I’m here,” he breathed, holding me close to him.

We reached the top of the stairs and slowly started our descent. The floorboards on the stairs creeked as Johnathon put his foot on the first step.

“Esme, is that you?” A voice said. I recognised it immediately.

My Mother.

“Johnathon, it’s my mom. Get back upstairs and wait there. I’ll try and get rid of her. I love you,” I whispered, pushing past him and making my way downstairs.

“Mother? Is that you? What on earth are you doing here? You nearly gave me a heart attack.” I said, trying to stop my voice and body from shaking. I was happier now that I knew it wasn’t Charles, but what if my mother had found out.

“Stay where you are mother, I’m going to find some candles.”

I searched in the dark for some candles and lit them, then I walked over to the table and sat down. My mother joined me at the table. This was the first time I’d seen her since she entered the house. Her cheeks were tear stained. Her eyes were bloodshot, so bloodshot in fact that they looked completely red.

“Mom, what happened? Is everything ok?” I asked, forgetting my worries and curious as to what had happened to make my mother so upset.

“I had a visitor today Esme, and I know. I know what has happened. Please, can you explain what is going on?” My mother asked, fresh tears streaming down her face.

Fear went through me. Did my mother know about my relationship with Johnathon? She couldn’t. We had been so careful, only one person knew about anything.

Evie.

I stared at my mother, dumbfounded. I couldn’t speak. I didn’t know what to say. I sat there twiddling my thumbs. Mother spoke first.

“Esme, please don’t be angry at Evie. She was worried about you. I know what has been happening to you. With Charles. I know what he has been doing to you,” Mom explained, breaking down in sobs so hard that she couldn’t speak anymore.

“Mom, please calm down,” I said, which made mom cry harder.

“Mom, it’s not your fault, you wouldn’t have known about Charles. We all thought he was a respectable man. And I suppose to everyone else he was, but behind closed doors he was pure evil. Mom, I don’t blame you, or Dad.”

“Tell me everything Esme… please.”

Once I had told her everything she sat there shocked and then came the question I had been dreading.

“I’m so sorry Esme, if I’d have known, I promise you I would’ve stopped it. But I have something else to ask you. Evie told me you’ve met somebody else. But she wouldn’t tell me who. All she said was that you were happy. Please tell me about him.”

I stared at my mother shocked for the second time that evening. I couldn’t believe Evie had thrown me into the fire. Some friend she was. There was only one thing to do. I had to tell my mother the truth. This was probably the only chance I would ever get.

“Yes mother, it is true. I am so sorry to betray the family by being unfaithful. I honestly don’t know what came over me. I met this man one day while I was at that tree I told you about. He started talking to me and I was enthralled by him, intrigued. He was so attractive and charming – I had feelings straight away. I tried to stay away. I didn’t return to my tree for a whole week while trying to avoid him. But when I went back eventually, he was there. All it took was one small mistake, for me to realise I loved him. I can’t be away from him now – and  when I am, it’s like a part of me is missing. I’m so sorry mother.” I was sobbing now, tears streaming down my face freely as I wiped them away with my hand.

“Esme, thank you for being truthful. You have not betrayed the family. Your father doesn’t know and I won’t tell him. But I would like to meet Johnathon please Esme. Hopefully soon.”

Oh my, I thought to myself. Now I had to make a decision, and quickly. Do I agree to my mothers request and arrange to meet at our tree? Or do I confess to my mother that Johnathon is here and introduce her to him now. I was still thinking when my mind was made up for me. There was a creek on the stairs. Both mother and I gasped at the same time. Mother looked at me, her eyes wide.

“Esme, is he here?” Mother asked, shocked.

Coughing to clear my throat I slowly nodded.

“Ok, I’ll be open minded… ” My mother was about to continue, when Johnathon walked down the stairs toward us. He walked up behind me and placed his hand on my shoulder.

My mother looked up at Johnathon and gasped again.

“Johnathon?” she gasped. “It’s you?”

“Yes Ma’am, it is. I have been seeing your daughter for some time now. I love her with all my heart and wish for her to leave with me, so that we can live a life together. Without having to hide or be scared of him.”

I turned around to look at Johnathon, smiling up at him, gazing at his gorgeous eyes with so much passion that I thought I would burst. My mother sat there watching us, smiling softly.

“Esme, Johnathon, I am so pleased you have found one another. It pleases me that you are happy now Esme. I haven’t seen you smile like that in a long time. You have my blessing kids. Esme, you must go with Johnathon. It’s not safe for you to be here anymore. I shall miss you, my love, but we will keep in contact. There is just one thing we must do before you two leave.”

I glanced at mother confused, then I looked up at Johnathon and back to mother. She was smiling, a grin so big. I hadn’t seen her smile like that for a very long time.

“We have to deal with Charles,” mother said.

We all sat there while mother thought about what to do. I gazed lovingly into Johnathon’s eyes off-and-on until she broke the silence.

“Esme, I have some theories that could work,” she said with so much excitement in her voice. I hadn’t seen her like this before.

She continued. “Esme, dear, I have to go for now, but I will talk to you tomorrow about the plan. I just have to work out dates and times and a few other things. Meet me here tomorrow afternoon and I will let you know what we are going to do about Charles.” And with that, Mother got up from the table, kissed both Johnathon and I on the cheek and exited through the front door.

After she left, Johnathon and I looked at each other and that passion from earlier returned. Johnathon swept me off my feet and took me to my room. Our room.

Johnathon’s touch that night felt different from before. Don’t get me wrong, it was a good different, like we can now truly be together. But no one can know about us, only Evie and Mother. I guess, since we have mothers blessing, to me it feels like we are truly one now. We feel complete, like a whole person, we just melt together. It’s hard to explain to you, diary.

The next morning I got up and made Johnathon breakfast. While I was cooking over the open fire Johnathon came up behind me and whispered in my ear, “I love you Esme,” and then he softly kissed the back of my neck.

I turned around to face him. “I love you too, Johnathon.” I said back, kissing him gently on the lips. We spent the day in the house, just the two of us together. We took a short walk to our tree before my mother arrived. She walked in the house and smiled at us both.

“So, would you like to hear what I have planned?” she asked. I nodded, smiling at her.

Four months later

Dear Diary,

It’s been a few months since I last wrote in you.

Things have been much the same really. Johnathon and I have decided to stick around until Charles returns so that we can complete our “task” that my mother came up with. Her brilliant Idea. But I’m not going to say anything yet. Initially I wasn’t sure whether it was a good idea to go through with the plan, but since discussing it with Evie and Johnathon I have decided to go along with it.

Johnathon and I haven’t done much of anything exciting recently. We have settled into life together. Although we haven’t told anyone else about our relationship, things have obviously been made easier by my mother. Johnathon has spent most evenings at my house, although we don’t call it my house. To us it is home… our home.

Evie is so happy for us. We spend alot of time at Evie’s house at the moment. In fact, we were there last night, for dinner. It was such a pleasent evening.
It was a warm June evening and Johnathon and I decided to walk to Evie’s house for dinner. We walked hand in hand, discussing our future.

“I can’t wait until this is all over and we can finally be a couple in the open,” Johnathon said smiling at me.

“Neither can I, dear.” I was just as excited, but there was a feeling deep inside that left me unnerved. I don’t know why I was feeling like this, maybe I was just over dramatizing things.

We arrived at Evie’s early. I didn’t bother knocking on the door. We were so close that we didn’t feel it necessary.

“Evie? We’re here,” I called out. She wasn’t downstairs – she must be upstairs putting the kids to bed. I made Johnathon and myself a drink and we settled down in front of the fire. I sat next to Johnathon on the large sofa and nestled my head onto his shoulder.

“Johnathon?” I asked, feeling totally content.

“Yes dear?” he replied, gently stroking his fingers up and down my arm, sending shivers up my spine.

“I want our life to be like this. I want us to have children and a nice open fire that we can sit in front of at night once the children are asleep. I want all this,” I murmered to him.

“So do I, my dear. I can’t wait to make you my wife, for us to be a family with our own children. I dream about it all the time,” Johnathon replied.

Evie chose that moment to come downstairs. Sighing as she took the last step.

“Hi guys.”

“Hi Evie, is everything okay? You look shattered.” I pointed out, hoping that we weren’t burdening Evie.

I looked up at Evie, tears pooling in her eyes, threatening to spill over onto her cheeks. I quickly looked round to Johnathon.

“Johnathon, can you finish dinner please? I need to talk to Evie.” I said, hoping that he would get the hint.

“Of coarse,” Johnathon said, jumping off of the sofa and busying himself in the kitchen.

“Come one Evie. Come and talk to me.”

Evie walked round to the sofa and flopped down. The tears finally overflowed onto her cheeks. I puller her in my arms, placing her head on my bosom and rocking her back and forth, stroking her hair as we rocked. We stayed like this for quite some time, until the tears finally dried up. Evie lifted her head up and looked at me, her eyes swollen from crying.

“So, come on then. What brought that on? What’s happened?” I asked, hoping that Evie hadn’t had the worst news imaginable.

“I’m a bad person,” Evie cried to me. Tears welling in her eyes again.

“No you’re not. You’re the nicest person I have ever met and my best friend. I couldn’t have found happiness without you.”

“I am, I am being totally selfish. I keep wishing that Charles wouldn’t come back and then you wouldn’t need to leave and that you’d still be around.”

“Oh Evie. It’s fine to think like that. Even I have been thinking like that. I don’t want to go and if he doesn’t come back then I won’t need to. But if he does, then I cannot stay around here and continue to be treated like a door mat. Come on, go upstairs, wash your face and sort yourself out and then come back down and we shall eat. I am not going anywhere, yet.”

“Ok, I guess you’re right. I’m just being silly really. I just don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t lose me Evie, I promise. We will always stay in contact, no matter what happens.”

While Evie was upstairs getting ready, Johnathon and I finished dinner and plated it up.

“A man of many talents. Who’d have thought I’d get so lucky.” I smiled at Johnathon.

“You better believe it,” Johnathon laughed, picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder.

“Put me down, put me down,” I laughed kicking my legs!

“What are you two playing?” Evie questioned.

Johnathon put me down and we turned round to see her smiling at us both.

“Sorry,” we both said in unison.

Later that night as Johnathon and I walked home hand-in-hand,  we couldn’t help laughing about our earlier antics in Evie’s Kitchen.

“Evie looked really confused when you picked me up like that earlier,” I said, smiling at the memory.

“I know. But she doesn’t know that we were playing,” Johnathon replied with a sparkle in his eyes. The next thing I knew I was back over his shoulder and he was running through the forest. I laughed, too, as I hit his back lightly.

“Let me down you big oaf,” I laughed at him.

“Surrender yourself to me?” Johnathon laughed in his deep husky voice.

“Surrender for what?” I laughed back.

He stopped running and placed me on the floor before jumping on top of me and pinning me down playfully with my arms above my head. He was still smiling.

“Do. You. Surrender?” he asked again.

“I already have Johnathon, let me up,” I giggled, trying to wriggle free. I felt like a teenager again. Thrashing my legs around trying to get him off of me.

“You’re not getting away that easily.” He smiled at me in answer to my efforts to try and get him off.

“Surrender yourself to me, Esme,” he taunted me again. I lay still, biding my time.

“Nope,” I replied, smiling at him.

“Esme, Surrender yourself to me. Or else,” he repeated.

“Or else what? You’ve got no chance Mr. Walker,” I laughed again. And with that I thrust my bottom into the air bucking Johnathon off of me and onto the floor above my head. I quickly jumped to my feet and started running through the forest toward home. I could hear Johnathon running up behind me. His footsteps getting closer.

“You won’t get away Esme,” he laughed. He was close now. Any minute he was going to…

“Arghhh, Johnathon you fool, what are you doing?” I screamed as he sweeped me off my feet and carried me home, running the entire time.

Once we got home, he ran through the front door, straight upstairs and into our bedroom where he threw our bodies onto the bed so that he was on top of me, staring down into my eyes. He supported his weight on his elbows so that I felt almost nothing.

Then we stayed in silence while we stared into each other’s eyes, only hearing each others breathing.

Johnathon then he whispered, “Esme, surrender yourself.”

“Johnathon my love, I already have. I am yours and you are mine. We shall be together for all our lives. I surrender myself to you.”

Then he stared into my eyes – as if he was looking at me for the very first time – and he slowly leaned in toward my mouth, so slow that I could feel the electricity between us, and finally – after what seemed like an eternity – our lips met.

Even later that night I laid in bed, totally content with everything in my life; staring at the full moon that was surrounded with beautiful bright stars, listening to my own personal star softly purring as he lay next to me in his peaceful sleep, my Jonathon.

I allowed my self to drift off into darkness.

And then the next thing I knew there were bright lights all around me. I could hear people talking, although I couldn’t quite make out everything they were saying. Just random words here and there.

“Jumped.”

“Gone.”

“No point.”

“Morgue.”

Who were they talking about? Has someone jumped? From where? No point in what? I tried opening my eyes but it was like someone had glued them shut. I couldn’t pry them open, no matter how hard I tried. I tried to move but I was stuck, frozen solid. It felt like I had ten tons on top of me pinning me to whatever I was laying on. Whatever it was it was cold and hard.

I tried to scream for help, I was panicking now. What was going on? Why couldn’t I move? I tried moving every part of my body but the weight on top of me wouldn’t budge. I could hear another male voice now. It sounded vaguely familiar. I could hear it clearly, too.

Maybe I was waking up.

“What’s happened? Who is this?” the voice said. Who did this voice belong to? I knew it, I was almost certain I did. But who’s was it? I tried shouting to the voice.

“Hello? Can you hear me? I’m here. Where am I? Please, someone listen to me. I am here.” But nothing came out. Then the familiar voice spoke again.

I hadn’t been listening to any of the other voices while I was trying to shout. So I had no idea what they had said to each other.

“I’ll take it from here boys. I’m heading down there anyway,” the familiar voice said again. How did I know this voice? It was starting to really bother me.

Then something really strange happened.

“Esme? I know your still in there. If you can hear me, then listen to my voice. I am going to help you. But your life will be different. Different from anything you know or have ever known. What I am about to do will hurt, alot, but I can’t let you die.”

Die?

What was the voice talking about? I’m not going to die. I’m asleep, aren’t I?

“Johnathon, please wake me up!” I screamed in my sleep. I was only sleeping, this was just a bad dream.

Then I felt it.

This cold air against my cheek, and then a soft “I’m sorry” from the voice. After that I don’t remember anything other than a severe burning pain coming from my neck, slowly moving its way through my body.

It hurt so much.

I tried crying out in pain but I still couldn’t talk. I could feel my body thrashing around in pain, but I didn’t feel in control of my body. It was like I was sat in the backseat of my body, with something else having complete control of everything that happened to me. Is this what death felt like? I didn’t want to die. I still had to fulfill my life with Johnathon. I didn’t want to Charles to win.

I was in the air, being carried by the man with the familiar voice. “It’s alright Esme, you’re going to be fine.” There was wind hitting my face, we were travelling fast. Where was the man taking my body? I tried to move but I still wasn’t in control of my body. The wind stopped and I was laying on something soft now.

“Who is this?” another male voice said. I didn’t know this voice. Who was it? What were they going to do to me?

“Carlisle, what have you done?” the second voice said.

Wait. What did he say? Carlisle? There was only one Carlisle I’d ever heard of. It couldn’t be him, it just couldn’t.

Then came the darkness again.

I woke with a jolt, sweat covering my brow. I sat up and reached out to check that Johnathon was there.

He was.

Wow that was one hell of a dream. I’m going to get up now. I don’t want fall asleep again.

Esme xxx

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