Jacob’s Diary (Something’s Off)

Dear Diary,

It’s been a month since the attack of Luca and his pack and, surprisingly, I’ve healed up completely. No scars, or any signs that I was ripped to shreds weeks ago.

The first two weeks were awful — I was required to stay in the makeshift hospital room. I could only take so many Primetime sitcoms and reruns of  ‘The Price is Right,’ before I was driven mad. Nessie finally came around from her traumatized state; seeing her so jumpy and panicked killed me inside.

She sat with me every day, which helped the fact that I couldn’t move. All of the Cullens were trying to ease my healing time, in which I graciously accepted. Esme cooked up my favorite dishes at the sound of my stomach growling. Carlisle doped me up on pain meds, and they even hooked up my webcam so I could see my dad.

Dad seemed kind of different these past couple of times I’ve talked to him. He had this weary look in his eyes; a low tone of voice. At first I thought it was because of my injuries, but he knew I’d be okay, so it wasn’t that.

I asked him what was wrong repeatedly — but he didn’t tell me. He denied anything was wrong at all. I know my dad though, and I really want to get to the bottom of whatever is bothering him.

Ness doesn’t get it either. My dad’s normally quite the jubilant old man, but lately he’s just…off. I asked him to fly out, but he said that now wasn’t a good time – which worried me even more. I knew he didn’t like flying, but I thought after my whole near-death catastrophe he’d want to come and visit for a few days.

“Maybe he’s just not feeling good, Jake. Don’t worry yourself too much,” Nessie consoled. I had been pacing around the house without realizing it, and it was probably getting on her nerves by now.

“I know, but the only time he’s ever like this is the month my mom died. So that’s obviously not what’s bothering him.” Nessie already knew this, but I was explaining it to justify my worry anyway. I know that I was probably over-thinking it, but regardless, I was worried about my dad.

These past few years we’ve gotten closer than ever. Before Mom died, we weren’t close. We would talk every now and then, but my mom was the parent I was close to. After she died, it got worse, to the point where not a word was spoken on a normal basis. Yeah, I had to help him out a lot because of his disability. But wheeling him around didn’t make us best friends.

Me being a teenager at the time, I think I had an underlying sense of resentment — he was always in the back of my mind, always worrying me, and being a part of every decision I made – because I had to do it for the best of him. Which now, I entirely understand, and I’m glad that all those years I made decisions in spite of him. At the time, I just didn’t realize it.

After I phased for the first time, things changed for the better. We now had a common ground to work off of, a thing to talk about and bond over. From then on out, we only became closer. He helped me through the hardest things I think I’ve ever faced. Leaving Bella, fighting for Bella, watching Bella get married. Even when I imprinted on something against my nature. He was there for me through all of it.

“I think I’m going to fly out there, honey,” I told Ness after taking a while to consider things. She had settled on the couch in the office, and I was still pacing. “You can come if you like, but I’m only going to stay a couple of days, though. Just to make sure nothing’s wrong, and hang out with him for a little while.”

“You know, that sounds like a good idea. Maybe you can go and spend some time with him. I’ll stay here, maybe take a shopping trip with Alice. You need one-on-one time with Billy.” She pulled her phone out as she was telling me this, and sent a text to Alice. It buzzed seconds later and Ness smiled.

“Italy, here I come,” she muttered under her breath, and I rolled my eyes. Silly girls and their shopping. I walked over to the desktop perched on the office’s desk and pulled up some airline tickets.

Renesmee was on the phone with Bella by the time I had found a flight, but she slipped me our American Express card before leaving the room.

Once I’d finally figured out how to order the ticket, I printed it out then made my way to my bedroom.

I bought tickets for a flight at eight in the morning, and I also got myself a rental car.

I decided I wasn’t going to tell Dad I was coming — I wanted it to be a surprise. I pulled out some pants and long sleeved t shirts. A couple thermals and some hiking boots. It was in the middle of winter, so I was bound to get a little chilly up there, werewolf or not.

While I was packing, I got a little ball in my throat. I felt giddy; I hadn’t seen my dad since the big move, and I’d really missed him.

Renesmee was still talking to Bella by the time I had finished packing, so I wandered into the kitchen to wait on her.

“Yeah, Mom. I heard that this season is big on fur and Versace has their headquarters there – which will be perfect. They had some really cute pieces on the runway last time, so I’m sure they’ll have several things.”

I heard Bella agreeing on the other line, as Nessie walked in and stood beside me. “Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow. Love you too.” Ness hung up, and looked at me.

“Well Mom’s really trying hard to get into fashion, so she’s gonna go with me and Alice to Italy.”

“Bells? Clothes? Fashionable clothes?” I asked. Ness giggled.

“I did say that she was trying, as in making an effort. I don’t think she’ll last very long though,” Ness told me.

I rose my eyebrows. “I bet twenty bucks that she won’t last until the second day.”

Ness considered, then shook my hand. “Deal.”

~.~

When I woke up this morning, I felt like a zombie.

Ness and I weren’t going to see each other for a few days, and we needed some quality time. Which resulted in me getting a total of two hours of sleep before my alarm went off.

I pulled on some track pants and a hoodie, then stuffed my phone in the pocket. I rubbed my eyes to clear them. Thankfully the flight would be long, so I could get some sleep.

I deliberated shaving, but decided against it. I was running late, and I really just didn’t like it. After brushing my teeth, I kissed my sleeping beauty on the forehead and scribbled her a little goodbye note. Grabbing my bags, I went downstairs and snatched a poptart and a can of Pepsi before jogging out the door.

It was already seven thirty, so I had to drive at a very illegal speed to get there on time. I pulled out my passport as I walked through the entrance of the airport and checked the time.

7:54.

“Man, I’m good,” I muttered, reading the signs to find my flight. I pushed through the people and made it just in time to go through security. Surprisingly I was seated on the plane within the next twenty minutes, and it took off shortly after.

As for now, I’m about half way to Seattle. I’ve been texting Ness the past few hours. Flying all the way from the UK takes quite a while, but it’s given me time to think. So until I get there, I still have several hours to sleep. I’ll write again once my visit with Dad is over.

- Jake

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New Outtake of Jackson Rathbone From Details Magazine!

Via DiarioTwilight

Dakota Fanning Covers the February issue of Elle UK

Dakota Fanning  is featured on the February cover of Elle UK. This is the subscriber cover. We’ll add the newsstand cover as soon as we get it!

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Taylor Lautner Talks About The Hot Kissing Scene with Lily in ‘Abduction

Seventeen | Via TeamTaylorLautner

Esme’s Diary (Chapter 21: Lifeless)

Dear Diary,

I wandered aimlessly through the countryside and away from the graveyard. Away from my son, away from the last thing left in my life that I had loved more than life itself. The heavy weight on my heart stayed, the bricks that had formed on my chest would not budge. I was trying desperately to figure out what I’d done so wrong that meant I deserved this.

I’m so tired.

Tired of asking the same old questions over and over again. I knew that they weren’t going to be answered. So what was the point? What was the point of carrying on anymore? There was nothing left to live for. I lost everything.

Everything.

My one true love, my beautiful baby boy, my best friend, my family… my life. What was the point of this all? I asked myself silently. “Nothing,” I muttered under my breath.

What was there for me to do now? Find another man? Another baby?

“Absolutely not!” I cried, unsure of who I was trying to convince. Myself? Johnathon? Robert?

“I gave you my heart, my darling,” I whispered, gazing to the heavens above. “I gave you both my heart,” I said, correcting myself. I didn’t want Robert to think I hadn’t loved him. I loved… still love him more than anything. When my boys… left me, they took my heart with them. I have nothing else to give anyone or anything.

Holding Robert’s blanket close to me, I whispered into it. “Please look after our baby Johnathon, Please.” I begged, the thought of not seeing either of them ever again lying heavy on my heart.

“My heart,” I scoffed out loud. My heart no longer belonged to my body. It had died along with my boys. I was empty, a shell wandering this earth, entirely lifeless.

“Is he with you now? Is he still in pain? Does he blame me?” I choked, asking in vein the questions I so desperately wanted answers to.

Please Lord, let Robert forgive me. I would never forgive myself for failing him

There is so much I want to say to them both. So many things I need to say. If only I could be with them again. I don’t want to be here anymore. I have nothing left to live for.

Looking up, I stopped dead in my tracks, staring in complete amazement at where I’d walked to. Not only where I had walked to, but at what moment I had decided to look up at where I was going.

“Why?” I asked out loud, slightly annoyed. “Why didn’t you let me just keep walking? I could be with you now.” I asked in vain.

Looking down I noticed the rocks beneath me, leading to the caramel-colored sand, the waves crashing against the bed of sand. I could just make out the shapes of people walking along the beach; I couldn’t take my eyes off of a family walking along the shore. It looked like there was a young boy with them and a large dog. The mother was walking along and, although I couldn’t be sure, she appeared to be smiling as she watched her husband and son run in and out of the gentle waves as the dog playfully chased them.

I meaningfully allowed myself to believe for a short while that it was my family playing on the beach. That it was Johnathon and Robert who were racing in and out of the waves. I would have called my dog Archie – though with a young child in the house I don’t think I would have chosen a breed quite as big as the one who was now clambering over some rocks.

I sat down, hanging my legs over the cliff’s edge as the family walked away from the beach. Cradling Robert’s blanket closer to me, I took in another deep breath, holding in his scent for as long as my lungs would allow, the tears spilling over and tumbling down my cheeks.

“Esme? Esme can you hear me?” Closing my eyes, I sat there listening to the voice inside my head that sounded so familiar.

“Esme, come with us. We need you,” said the voice again.

I knew that voice anywhere, my love was here. He was with me. I knew it must have all been a dream. I knew my Johnathon wouldn’t have left me. Opening my eyes I readjusted myself on the edge of the cliff and then I looked around, trying to find him. My vision blurred from the tears. I rubbed my eyes frantically, then searched again.

“Where are you?” I asked. Slightly annoyed at the game he was playing. “I want to hold you my love,” I whispered, silently cursing my eyes and their inability to see my love. “Damn it” I cursed loudly furiously rubbing my eyes. Where on earth was he?

“Esme, I’m right here,” he said again.

It sounded as if he was right next to me, so why couldn’t I see him. All I could see was the green grass covering the ground leading to the cliff’s edge. I could see the trees behind the cliffs, standing tall in the afternoon sun.

“I can’t see you,” I sobbed, my eyes flicking from side to side, still searching.

“I’m here my darling,” he said again.

“Johnathon, this isn’t funny,” I scolded. “Why can’t I see you?”

“I’m not in your world anymore my love. We are in a much better place Esme. We both are. But now it is time for you to join us,” he said softly, his voice almost purring. “It is beautiful here. It is a place filled with love and laughter.”

All I wanted was to see him again, to see them both again, and to make sure they were okay.

“Robert is fine now my love. We want you to be with us.”

I shook my head, this can’t be happening. I must be mad. I was talking to my dead lover’s spirit.

“Esme, we have come for you. It’s time for you to join us now.”

“How?” I whispered, oblivious to what he meant.

“You know how Esme. Come back to me. We need you. Robert needs you, he needs his mommy.”

“B-B-But,” I stammered. “I don’t know if I can.” Looking down at the rocks below me, it all suddenly fell into place. One simple step is all it would take.

“Jump!” The voice inside my head screamed at me.

“Jump?” I mumbled out loud, finally seeing a light at the end of this abyss that had engulfed me for the past ten months.

“Yes, Jump,” my darling said, the love in his voice exactly how I had remembered. Soon though, I would be with him again. Be with Robert again. It all seemed so simple. So right.

One. One tiny little step. Then I could spend eternity with my boys.

“Are you sure?” I asked the butterflies in my stomach awakening.

“Yes, please my love. Please come back to us.”

“I will,” I agreed. The cloud that had been hovering over my head started to lift as I spoke the words. “I just have one thing to do first.”

“Hurry” Johnathon plead with me.

I closed my eyes for only the briefest of moments, allowing my mind to absorb as much of Johnathon’s voice as it could before turning my attention back to you, my dear diary.

I am going to leave now. But I could not do so without saying goodbye. You may only be paper, but without you I do not know how I would have coped. I will carry you with me as I fall. In the hope someone will find it and understand my actions.

Goodbye Diary.

And thank you.

Esme

xxx

You Voted Robert Pattinson As E! Celeb Of The Year!

EOnline:

Sixty-four celebs, five weeks of voting, four fiercely contested brackets and a surprising wild card round later, Robert Pattinson comes out on top.The great-haired hunk has won the E! Celeb of the Year honor—for the second year in a row!

Team Jacob and Twilight haters can get to steppin’ because the evidence is crystal clear: You guys love R.Pattz. And what’s even better? Pattinson’s competitor for the final round of 2011′s tournament was his “sexy goddess” Kristen Stewart. Again.

Here’s how it went down:
More than a month ago, we introduced the 64 big-name contenders—Kate Middleton, Charlie Sheen, Justin Bieber and Britney Spears, to name a few—who all had a lot going on this year. (For the record, the new Duchess of Cambridge came super close to grabbing this title.)

So what made Rob stand out above all the pop stars, royals, Oscar winners and warlocks who dominated 2011? Was it all about the jaw-dropping Breaking Dawn: Part 1, the sparkly vamp’s latest blockbuster, which hit theaters last month and is still making bank? Or was it his bold steps to more challenging roles like Cosmopolis? Or maybe it was that mind-of-its-own hair or his? Or was it just the smooch?

Whatever the case may be, we clearly can’t escape the power of Pattinson. Congrats, Rob!
The question remains: What charity will he choose to have E! donate the $25,000 prize? We’ll keep you posted.
Via

Ashley Greene Glamour 2011 Outtakes!

Here are a bunch of untouched outtakes of Ashley Greene from her Glamour 2011 photo shoot!

There’s more! You can see them all here!

Thanks TwilightXchange

Billy Burke Covers ‘New Orleans Living’

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Robert Pattinson arriving at LAX Last Night

Here are some pics of Robert Pattinson arriving at LAX last night!

You can see more pics here.

Kellan Lutz Posts New Video of Himself

Here’s a new video of Kellan Lutz that he posted to his twitter!

I can’t get the ‘Auto-play’ off the video so just click the image below to go see it!