Jacob’s Diary (Something’s Off)

December 31, 2011

Dear Diary,


It’s been a month since the attack of Luca and his pack and, surprisingly, I’ve healed up completely. No scars, or any signs that I was ripped to shreds weeks ago.

The first two weeks were awful — I was required to stay in the makeshift hospital room. I could only take so many Primetime sitcoms and reruns of  ‘The Price is Right,’ before I was driven mad. Nessie finally came around from her traumatized state; seeing her so jumpy and panicked killed me inside.

She sat with me every day, which helped the fact that I couldn’t move. All of the Cullens were trying to ease my healing time, in which I graciously accepted. Esme cooked up my favorite dishes at the sound of my stomach growling. Carlisle doped me up on pain meds, and they even hooked up my webcam so I could see my dad.

Dad seemed kind of different these past couple of times I’ve talked to him. He had this weary look in his eyes; a low tone of voice. At first I thought it was because of my injuries, but he knew I’d be okay, so it wasn’t that.

I asked him what was wrong repeatedly — but he didn’t tell me. He denied anything was wrong at all. I know my dad though, and I really want to get to the bottom of whatever is bothering him.

Ness doesn’t get it either. My dad’s normally quite the jubilant old man, but lately he’s just…off. I asked him to fly out, but he said that now wasn’t a good time – which worried me even more. I knew he didn’t like flying, but I thought after my whole near-death catastrophe he’d want to come and visit for a few days.

“Maybe he’s just not feeling good, Jake. Don’t worry yourself too much,” Nessie consoled. I had been pacing around the house without realizing it, and it was probably getting on her nerves by now.

“I know, but the only time he’s ever like this is the month my mom died. So that’s obviously not what’s bothering him.” Nessie already knew this, but I was explaining it to justify my worry anyway. I know that I was probably over-thinking it, but regardless, I was worried about my dad.

These past few years we’ve gotten closer than ever. Before Mom died, we weren’t close. We would talk every now and then, but my mom was the parent I was close to. After she died, it got worse, to the point where not a word was spoken on a normal basis. Yeah, I had to help him out a lot because of his disability. But wheeling him around didn’t make us best friends.

Me being a teenager at the time, I think I had an underlying sense of resentment — he was always in the back of my mind, always worrying me, and being a part of every decision I made – because I had to do it for the best of him. Which now, I entirely understand, and I’m glad that all those years I made decisions in spite of him. At the time, I just didn’t realize it.

After I phased for the first time, things changed for the better. We now had a common ground to work off of, a thing to talk about and bond over. From then on out, we only became closer. He helped me through the hardest things I think I’ve ever faced. Leaving Bella, fighting for Bella, watching Bella get married. Even when I imprinted on something against my nature. He was there for me through all of it.

“I think I’m going to fly out there, honey,” I told Ness after taking a while to consider things. She had settled on the couch in the office, and I was still pacing. “You can come if you like, but I’m only going to stay a couple of days, though. Just to make sure nothing’s wrong, and hang out with him for a little while.”

“You know, that sounds like a good idea. Maybe you can go and spend some time with him. I’ll stay here, maybe take a shopping trip with Alice. You need one-on-one time with Billy.” She pulled her phone out as she was telling me this, and sent a text to Alice. It buzzed seconds later and Ness smiled.

“Italy, here I come,” she muttered under her breath, and I rolled my eyes. Silly girls and their shopping. I walked over to the desktop perched on the office’s desk and pulled up some airline tickets.

Renesmee was on the phone with Bella by the time I had found a flight, but she slipped me our American Express card before leaving the room.

Once I’d finally figured out how to order the ticket, I printed it out then made my way to my bedroom.

I bought tickets for a flight at eight in the morning, and I also got myself a rental car.

I decided I wasn’t going to tell Dad I was coming — I wanted it to be a surprise. I pulled out some pants and long sleeved t shirts. A couple thermals and some hiking boots. It was in the middle of winter, so I was bound to get a little chilly up there, werewolf or not.

While I was packing, I got a little ball in my throat. I felt giddy; I hadn’t seen my dad since the big move, and I’d really missed him.

Renesmee was still talking to Bella by the time I had finished packing, so I wandered into the kitchen to wait on her.

“Yeah, Mom. I heard that this season is big on fur and Versace has their headquarters there – which will be perfect. They had some really cute pieces on the runway last time, so I’m sure they’ll have several things.”

I heard Bella agreeing on the other line, as Nessie walked in and stood beside me. “Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow. Love you too.” Ness hung up, and looked at me.

“Well Mom’s really trying hard to get into fashion, so she’s gonna go with me and Alice to Italy.”

“Bells? Clothes? Fashionable clothes?” I asked. Ness giggled.

“I did say that she was trying, as in making an effort. I don’t think she’ll last very long though,” Ness told me.

I rose my eyebrows. “I bet twenty bucks that she won’t last until the second day.”

Ness considered, then shook my hand. “Deal.”


When I woke up this morning, I felt like a zombie.

Ness and I weren’t going to see each other for a few days, and we needed some quality time. Which resulted in me getting a total of two hours of sleep before my alarm went off.

I pulled on some track pants and a hoodie, then stuffed my phone in the pocket. I rubbed my eyes to clear them. Thankfully the flight would be long, so I could get some sleep.

I deliberated shaving, but decided against it. I was running late, and I really just didn’t like it. After brushing my teeth, I kissed my sleeping beauty on the forehead and scribbled her a little goodbye note. Grabbing my bags, I went downstairs and snatched a poptart and a can of Pepsi before jogging out the door.

It was already seven thirty, so I had to drive at a very illegal speed to get there on time. I pulled out my passport as I walked through the entrance of the airport and checked the time.


“Man, I’m good,” I muttered, reading the signs to find my flight. I pushed through the people and made it just in time to go through security. Surprisingly I was seated on the plane within the next twenty minutes, and it took off shortly after.

As for now, I’m about half way to Seattle. I’ve been texting Ness the past few hours. Flying all the way from the UK takes quite a while, but it’s given me time to think. So until I get there, I still have several hours to sleep. I’ll write again once my visit with Dad is over.


- Jake


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