(Jacob’s Diary) Taking Chances

December 1, 2012

Dear Diary,

I was on my way home from the hospital. My face was tear-stained and flushed, and I had a lump in my throat the size of Canada.

. . .  Dad decided that he’s going to let Carlisle change him.

It took three hours of me begging, pleading and crying, but he finally came around.

“Jacob, you don’t understand. It’s against my nature.” He kept shaking his head. He must think I’m insane. I probably am.

“Dad, look, I’ve talked to Carlisle, and you never made the transformation into a wolf! That means there’s no reason that your body would reject the venom, necessarily. If you won’t take anymore chemo, we at least have to try.” My eyes welled up. “Please, Dad.” My voice broke, and Carlisle stepped in.

“Billy, this might really be good for you. Venom heals while you transform—you will walk again! You’ll gain strength back; it’ll be like you never went through chemo in the first place.” Carlisle was using his hands as he talked, adding emphasis to his hope that the change would work. I trusted Carlisle with my life more than once. I trust him to make the right decision for my dad. If he truly believes it’ll work, and it would ensure me I’d never lose my dad–

Hell I’m all for it. As selfish as it sounds, I think I have the right to always have my family. If I’m going to live forever, so is my family.

My dad seemed a little unsettled once we all agreed that he would try to be changed. Which, I completely understood. Our Quileute heritage makes us revolted by vampires. The smell, look, and feeling they give us is nauseating. Whether or not my dad ever became a wolf, he was still disgusted by vampires—naturally. So it’s understandable that he’s uncomfortable with the thought of their venom coursing through his veins, changing him into one of them.

At the same time though, I’m pretty sure that dad really doesn’t want to die. I think he said he was okay with it because he’d rather die than suffer—or see me suffer for that matter.

It was going to be hard for everyone. I think that this is the best thing to do, though–at least give it a shot before he goes down. It never hurts to try.

I’m really scared though, honestly. I’m terrified his body will reject the venom and he’ll die in a worse way than he prefers. The thought of Dad dying is terrifying.

Nobody else knows yet, that we’ve made the decision, that we’ve even considered it.

Carlisle is staying at the hospital with dad, and I’ve called a family meeting to discuss it with everyone else. Since Nessie is the only one still in La Push besides Carlisle, I’m going to Skype-call everyone, and then I’ll speak with the rest of the pack.

Nessie rushed to the car as soon as I drove up the dirt drive, her face worried and searching mine.

“What’s going on? Anything new?” she asked me breathlessly, her hair falling over random spots of her face. I bit my lip.

“I’ve called a family meeting with everyone. We have to discuss something.” I got out of my car, grabbed my jacket, and trudged towards the front door.

“Huh? What about? Jake!” The screen door squeaked as I opened it, and I ignored her questions. I knew she’d freak as soon as I told her, so I had to sit down and talk to everyone all at once.

I walked to Dad’s desktop computer and clicked on the Skype icon.

“Jacob Black! Tell me what’s going on right now!” She yelled from behind me.

“Ness, you will know in like, five seconds. Just let me pull this up, okay?” I sighed, setting up the call with the Cullen’s. She groaned, but didn’t say anything else. She pulled up a chair beside me and grabbed my hand.

I squeezed it.

“Hey, Jake! What’s up?”  Bella showed up on the quality webcam, her golden eyes glowing. She looked well.

“Hey Bells, is everyone there?” I asked. She nodded, scooting back so that the whole living room appeared, including all of them— looking grave. I sighed. Here goes nothing.

“Well everyone, Dad decided to stop taking the chemo treatments. Carlisle and I discussed something with him that might help. He agreed, but, well- I need to let everyone else know.” I paused then rushed  out, “We’re gonna try to change him.”

I heard a few gasps, and Ness stiffened.

“What?” she shrilled in my ear.

“Change as in vampire change?” Emmett asked. Esme had her hand over her mouth; Jasper looked confused; Alice looked at the ground; Rosalie looked mad; Emmett was smiling; and Bella and Edward were dumbfounded. Great.

“B-but you can’t! He’s-you can’t change a Quileute!” Bella had her mouth down and was doing her angry stuttering thing.

“Look, everyone, just calm down for a second.” I turned to Ness, placing a soothing hand on her back. “We’ve already gone over all the risks. We know there’s a chance his body can reject the venom. Carlisle is confident that, since he never became a wolf, he’ll be okay. It’s our last resort; he’ll die from not taking the chemo. We have to try something. He’s already agreed, it’s not like anyone’s forcing him.” My voice trailed off when I was done explaining. There was a tense silence for several seconds.

“Hell yeah! Papa wolf a vampire too? I’m all in!” Emmett had a goofy grin on his face, and everyone broke down, either smiling or at least breaking their scowls.

“You’re sure that he wants to?” Bella asked me, biting her lip. I nodded.

“I mean, he’s kind of uneasy–which I don’t think is out of line. He still wants to try though. I know he doesn’t want to die yet.” I looked at my lap where Ness and I had our hands intertwined. When I looked up at her, she had a small smile on her face, her lips slightly pursed, and tears in her eyes.

Let’s try,” she whispered, and I nodded.

After a few more minutes of everyone agreeing, I ended the call.

“Now we have to tell the pack,” I sighed, internally groaning, exasperated. This is not going to be fun.

  - Jacob 


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