Edward’s Diary: Nudger

March 21, 2013

January 10th, 2012


Dear Diary,

Well, we’re all set it seems.

New city, new place, new people: but the same anonymity. Atlin was the best place we could find. It’s a small town: a really small town. The population amounts to somewhere around four hundred people, and we have to travel a lot. But that’s probably not a problem. Neither is the weather: cold, rainy, sunless; nothing that we’re not used to.

Well, all of us except Nessie.

This was her first move. And not just from Forks, from her entire family in a way. Having grown up in Forks for the past four years, it was hard for her to up and leave like we did. Of course, Jacob and his pack followed. He was probably the only person who could keep her in control. Teens.

I’m telling you, when you turn fifteen, you hate everything, most of all your parents. Fortunately, Renesemee had still to hit the “Major Fit” Phase, as Alice had put it. But we were all holding our breaths, just in case.

I know every father has said this at some point in his life, but I still remember when Bella was pregnant with her. It wasn’t the most conventional of pregnancies, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t not love her.


March 15th, 2008


No. No. No. No.


No. No. No.

Forget it, this one would have to do.

I have to say, I never thought finding a book in your library would be tough. You do not have any books for learning French.” I frowned as I climbed down the little ladder in Carlisle’s library and put it away.

That’s because either everybody in the house already knew French, or thought it is a . . . soft language, shall we say.” He shook his head, which was buried in a thesis about Lobotomies. Carlisle never passed up a chance to learn about new procedures. ‘Medicine is constantly evolving,’ he used to say, ‘and frankly, it would look weird for my job if I use methods of the seventeenth century.’

Nobody is going to sue you for saying the word ‘gay’, Carlisle. You don’t have to substitute.” I chuckled and shook my head. Three hundred something years old and still having issues with cursing. His parents would be so happy.

And that “French is gay” thing was entirely Emmett. Out of all of us, excluding Bella, he was the only one who could not speak French. He tried, for some time, but not being able to pronounce Enchante properly he just got fed up and resorted to saying it was a gay language.

It’s derogatory.” Carlisle disapproved.

I know, but it’s Emmett. You can’t get anything through his thick head.” I rolled my eyes, “By the way, you might want to stock up on the “French for Dummies” and whatnot like that. Bella wants to learn how to speak French.”

Carlisle smiled in surprise, “Oh, that’s nice. She must be getting bored anyway, sitting in the living room all day with a big belly. Might as well render the time productive.”

I shrugged and smiled. Let’s leave it at that, shall we, Carlisle? Really, it did him good to not know the real reason why Bella wanted to learn French. It had the words ‘island’, ‘feathers’ and ‘hot’ in the same sentence.

You get the idea.

I did, too, in the same instant. What? I’m a guy with a beautiful pregnant wife. And things had been better recently, now that we had discovered ways to keep Bella and the baby healthy. Yes, it involved her drinking human blood (something which a house full of vampires is bound to have issues with) but it kept her heart beating. That was all that mattered to me. I would die before someone could even lay a scratch on Bella. That was a bit hypocritical of me to say, I guess, since I had the been the source of many of her sorrows in the past. I had even wanted to kill our baby, and I was not proud of that.

But now that she was here, now that she was mine—this surreal, beautiful angel of a woman—and she had somehow, miraculously, chosen to be with me, I had decided to put it all behind me. I was going to start afresh. I was never, ever going to hurt her. Never again. What she wanted, she got.

That was what had brought me here.

We had been interacting more and more these days: talking, touching, embracing, all the while discussing our baby’s prospective future. With the danger to her health out of the picture, albeit for a little while, I had finally realized how beautiful it was to just sit and talk with your pregnant wife. We both knew that we had days before the baby actually came, but we were avoiding the subject of her transformation and delivery entirely for now, at least with each other. I, for one, had busied myself in looking up ways to make this less and less painful for her while she slept.

I stopped in my tracks when I saw the sight in the living room.

Bella was sitting up on the couch, her feet tucked under her thighs on one side, covered in a snug blanket. Her hair had regained some of its former shine, and it fell freely as she lowered her head to look at her huge belly. Her frail arms wrapped around the bulge, and her face, even though still a little sagged and green, glowed with what I could only call love. Profound, pure, unconditional love, no matter what the consequences.

I knew what that felt like.

I knew better than to intrude on her moment, so I opted to just stand by and listen.

I hope you’re warm in there,” she cooed softly to her stomach and ran her fingers all over it.

You know, I love you a lot, but could you just cool off the moving for a while? I love it, don’t get me wrong, but it freaks your dad and grandpa out. Just you wait till you come, you’ll know.” she rolled her eyes a little. Geez, Bella, what a picture of mine to paint.

Although I like it when you are play soccer inside my belly like you’re going to create the next ‘Hand of God’,” Bella laughed, and then groaned. I almost left my place to go to her, but she didn’t give me the chance.

Oh God, I don’t even know where that came from. I guess your uncle Emmett is rubbing off on me, huh? I need to watch less football.”

I laughed internally as I remembered the day Bella had asked Emmett to teach her the ropes of the game so she could understand what the hell was going on on the screen. His eyes had nearly bugged out of his skull, but I couldn’t blame her, really. Reruns of ‘Desperate Housewives’ did that to one.

Maybe your dad can teach you football when you grow up. And I can cheer you when you play for your school.” she guessed.

I couldn’t resist the urge to go and sweep her up in my arms.

You say that like you’re really sure you’re going to have a boy.” I said as I entered the room with the French Guide in my hand.

I know it’s a boy. I keep having dreams of you and your mini-me in the backyard.” she smiled, and somehow the world became brighter.

I laughed, and kissed her head.

Are you sure you want another one like me? A testosterone overdrive?” I snuggled into the blanket with her, pulling her closer.

At least it won’t be another Alice who can drag me around the city looking for clothes.” she shrugged, and shuddered a little at the thought of the excessive splurging that Alice was no stranger to.

Don’t let her find out you said that.” I laughed. Alice would have her head.

Yeah, that would not—oh!” her expression blanked out a little just then, and my head went into overdrive.

Bella? Bella? What is it? What’s wrong? Answer me. Can you hear me? Bell—C” I sputtered out, quickly jumping to the worst case scenario. I could not lose her. What could possibly go wrong? We had been so careful.

Edward, calm down. It was nothing, just a little nudge.” she exhaled, and smiled in relief.

What?” I was on the verge of freaking out—Hell, I was freaking out!—and she was talking about—wait, what?

He nudged. Again. I told you he nudges.” she nodded with wide eyes.

Oh. oh. Relief swept through me, and my body relaxed.

Geez, Bella, you scared me to death.” I shook my head.

Well, it’s not my fault that you worry so much. Did I look like I was in pain?” she leaned against me, and I took her in readily. I needed to feel her, hold her. I needed to affirm that she was safe.

You looked like you had been teleported to another world. And there’s no one at home. Carlisle’s in his study. What if something had happened?” I sighed heavily. I did not want to entertain any thoughts like these, but I couldn’t help it. This was my wife here. And my baby.

Again. Worry only when you have to, Edward.” She shook her head, “Do you want to feel?”

Feel what?” I played with her hair. How it always managed to smell like strawberries she only knew. I just enjoyed burying my face in it.

And occasionally pulling on it.

Him. Nudging.” Bella said, but did not wait for my response.

She just took my hand and put it on her belly.

And we both waited.

We looked and looked and looked, and we waited, and waited, and waited. There was so much activity inside a human body. Blood flowing, heart beating, fluids churning. I heard everything, felt it too. But the one thing that we were both waiting for to happen did not.

And then it did.

There it was: a small rub, leaving behind just the faintest of impressions on her, but leaving still. Bella’s breathing hitched, and so did mine. And there it was, again. Just the faintest of pushes. Like it was telling us of its existence: telling us that it listened to us, that it knew we were there.

That he knew how much we loved her: Bella and I. Both of us.

I didn’t know there were specific moments when it happened: something big, something that changes you forever. But I was sure that this was it for me. Up until now, I had been a son, a brother, a lover, a husband.

Now I was a father.

Father of that little Nudger inside Bella that I loved so much.

Edward Cullen

Be My Friend


I am a quirky, geeky, nice-ish, perfectionst eighteen year old sociopath. (On second thought, that was not a good way to start.)
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