April
30th
Carlisle’s Diary ~ I’m Bringing Sexy Back
***Warning: This entry has some sexual content in it. Reader discretion is advised.
Dear Diary:
After our amazing bubble bath, I realized that Esme and I hadn’t had a date night in a while and I was determined to change that. So the following day, while Esme went shopping with Alice, Nessie, and Leah, I got myself ready. Jacob was walking around the backyard with Seth and they were just rough housing. I was racing back and forth between the house and the woods. Finally after a while, Jacob’s curiosity got the best of him:
“Hey Carlisle! What are you doing? You’ve been running around like a chicken with its head cut off!”
Jacob always had a way with words. I shook my head and laughed.
“I’m making a special surprise for Esme. We’re having a date night tonight. It’s a surprise. So please don’t spill the beans.”
“Oh ok…..I gotcha, I gotcha.” Jacob nodded with approval.
I ran off yet again. I had forgotten the candles and tea lights. When I was carrying those and a massive bouquet of flowers, Seth looked at me with round eyes and said:
“Wow, Carlisle. You’re totally bringing sexy back!”
“Say what?” Jacob guffawed.
“You know, Justin Timberlake’s song…..it’s so Carlisle right now! I mean….dude…look!” Seth pointed to what I was carrying.
I couldn’t help but laugh at the two boys as they argued about what I looked like. I didn’t care. I was going to make tonight a night Esme will remember for the rest of eternity. I carried my load to the location I had picked out and arranged everything perfectly. Now all I had to do was wait for my wonderful wife to get home from her shopping trip and get ready for our wonderful date.
I didn’t have to wait long. About 45 minutes after I finished everything, the Mercedes drove up the driveway. The girls got out; everyone had at least 2 huge shopping bags. They came in laughing and talking loudly about everything they’ve seen and bought. I waited until the others had gone to their respective locations before I approached Esme. She was bending over, picking something out of one of the shopping bags. I swear you could probably put Seth in one of those bags and he wouldn’t even have to bend much. They were massive! I couldn’t imagine what else they could possibly buy. Esme reached in and pulled out a beautiful burgundy sweater and handed it to me. I was speechless. She always thought of me when she went shopping. And even though I had as many sweaters as Bill Cosby on the Cosby Show, she always finds me more and more unique ones that I don’t have. I love her. After I kissed her and said thank you for the beautiful gift, I said:
“Honey, I want you to go upstairs and get all dolled up because we are having a special date night tonight.”
Her eyes lit up and she squealed.
“Ooooo perfect! I bought the most beautiful dress today and shoes! They will be perfect for date night!”
“Let’s go get ready. I’ll change in my office and you can have the bedroom. I can’t wait to see the new dress sweetheart.”
She clapped twice, grabbed the bags, and flew upstairs. I followed. We moved into our own private rooms and started getting ready. I could hear her humming as she was getting ready. I smiled and knew that that smile was going to be on my face for the rest of the night. After I made sure I looked presentable; I was wearing the new sweater she had gotten me, black slacks, and black shiny shoes. My hair was slicked back and I spritzed on some Versace cologne Edward and Bella had gotten me for my birthday. Then I walked out of my office and walked down the hall to our bedroom. I knocked softly.
“Coming!”
The door then opened and there stood a vision. The vision was so breathtaking that I couldn’t speak for a long moment. My jaw went slack. I was absolutely blown away. There stood my wife, my reason for existing, my heart, my soul, and my whole world. She was wearing a deep red strapless dress that was short. It stopped just above the knees. It was like a tight top and had ruffles on the bottom. Her shoes were shiny and black like mine and were on a very high heel. (Pictures of her dress and shoes are below) She was wearing bright red lipstick and very little jewelry and make up; her hair was blown out to look like Farrah Faucett. No offense to Ms. Faucett, but Esme looked 100 times better with that hair style! The dress showed off all the right curves and her best features. When I could finally utter a word I said:
“Oh my…..Esme you look absolutely breathtaking. I don’t think you’ve ever looked more radiant and dazzling than you do now! Except perhaps on our wedding day. Sweetheart, you are so beautiful! I look like a plain Joe compared to you!”
“Oh stop it! You’re never plain to me! You could wear nothing and still look like the most gorgeous man on earth!”
“Hmmmmm……wear nothing huh? Well we can have that arranged…..but a little later.” I wiggled my eyebrows at her. She giggled and swatted my arm.
“Honey, you’re silly.”
“Ok silliness aside, let’s go. I’m eager to show you our date location.”
I took her by the hand and we ran down the stairs and out the back door past Bella and Edward. They looked at us with surprise because we nearly ran them over! We laughed and waved as we headed toward the woods. They waved back and told us to have a great time and that Esme looked beautiful. She smiled and then we reached the forest and really picked up speed. We ran for about 6 miles west until we were about half a mile away. Then I slowed us down and we started walking at an almost human pace. As we approached the location, it was Twilight. I put my hand over Esme’s face because I wanted to surprise her. Then as I walked her to the edge of the location, I dropped my hand and told her to open her eyes. She looked around and gasped.
We were in an area surrounded by trees that created almost a canopy around this one particular location. You couldn’t see the ground because it was totally covered with flower petals. There were candles in the trees and there was a little brook nearby with a small waterfall. I had placed tea lights in the brook and they sparkled away. I had hung different wind chimes and decorative moons and suns all over the trees. There was a smell of lavender in the air. On the right very close to the brook, there hung a hammock. But it wasn’t made out of rope like the usual ones you see in backyards or on beaches. This one looked like a swing with a bed on it. I called it a hammock bed because it had a canopy made out of trees on top just hanging not at all connected to the rest of the bed. It looked like the bed was levitating. You couldn’t see what it was attached too but you could tell it was about 3 feet off the ground with just air underneath.
As Esme was taking all of this in, I ducked behind a tree and turned on the music. I had installed speakers so they wouldn’t be seen in the trees as well and surrounding bushes. I turned on the song “At Last” by Etta James. I bowed, and then held out my hand to her. She was so taken aback by the surroundings that it took her a few moments to understand what I was asking. When her thoughts caught up with the rest of what was happening, she put her hand in mine and I spun her around and fit her perfectly in my arms. We danced slowly around and around. She was trying to look at me and still take in all that was going on around us. Fireflies had come out by that time and it was as if I had arranged for them to be there too, they were perfect with the candles and tea lights.
“Oh Carlisle…..this is…..I have no words…..this is all so beautiful!”
“It was the least I could do to show you how much you mean to me still. I’m so sorry we haven’t had a date night earlier. I feel so bad that I’ve neglected you.”
“What are you talking about? You are a doctor with a hectic schedule. We live in a supernatural world. It’s par for the course! You give me so much. And most importantly, I get to spend the rest of eternity with you. The most perfect man!”
Before I could argue with her about how much of a louse I’ve been, she kissed me. Well that worked. I shut up and forgot what I was about to say. We could be in the middle of the end of the world, and if Esme kisses me, I wouldn’t remember what was going on, the day or even time. She would always have this effect on me. Even in the beginning. We stood there kissing and just then Faith Hill’s “This Kiss” came on.
I smiled against her mouth. How perfect is that? She felt my smile and pulled back. I didn’t have to say anything, she knew why I smiled and she giggled. Then she backed up and kicked off her shoes and started singing along with Faith Hill. She was dancing and making silly faces and singing the song as I just stood there smiling and watching my beautiful wife. When she was singing and dancing, she turned her back to me and at that point I grabbed her around the waist and just spun her around as she squealed and laughed.
Then I set her down gently just as Phil Collins “You’ll Be In My Heart” started playing. I turned her to face me, she was still smiling. The moon was shining on us.
“I love you so much my beautiful wife. You are the shining light in my life. I am so honored to spend eternity with someone as perfect as you.”
“I love you too. You’ve made me incredibly happy.”
Then I kissed her. Softly at first and then harder and stronger; more passionately. She responded with a soft moan. We stood there kissing for a long time. Then I slowly walked us over to the hammock bed. We smiled at each other. I then reached around the back of her dress and unzipped it. When it fell down on the ground, she was wearing a strapless red laced bra and matching panties. My dead heart turned over. She stepped out of the dress. She then walked over to me and started to strip me very slowly with a slow smile. Until we were both in our undergarments; mine were nowhere near as hot as hers. But I guess that’s normal for most women. Then we kissed again as our hands starting to roam over each other’s bodies.
We then sat on the bed, which took a little effort as the bed was swaying. She hitched herself up to the pillow and lay down under the covers. I hovered over her. She then moved her hands to her bra that unhooked in the front and took that off. Her eyes never left mine. I bent down and kissed her again….then I let my hands roam over her body down to her panties; I slowly removed them as I kissed down her body. She moaned louder. Then she was totally bare in my arms, her soft skin glowing under the moonlight. I took off my briefs and slid under the covers with her. I hovered on top of her and kissed the tip of her nose, her lips, down her neck, to her breasts……kissed each one, nuzzling them…..then down to her stomach as she arched her back.
It may not be common knowledge but we do own a copy of the Kama Sutra. Ours is an old one with watercolor pictures. For obvious reasons our family doesn’t know this. I don’t want to hear gagging noises coming from each room.
But I digress; I wanted to make her feel loved in every way. We made love multiple times that night. In many different positions. We didn’t really speak much except the occasional “I love you”. Finally we were satiated just as the sun started to come up in the east. The birds were chirping, the animals moving slowly about, and the fireflies had gone off to bed. Esme was laying on my chest, just humming away to the latest piece of music playing. I wasn’t paying much attention to it. But I was pretty content. I kissed the top of her head, smiled to myself and thought;
I really did bring sexy back.
~Carlisle Cullen
Please LIKE Carlisle’s Diary by clicking HERE
April
30th
Kristen Stewart Named Glamour Magazine’s Best-Dressed
For the second year in a row, Kristen Stewart scored the top spot in Glamour Magazine’s Best-Dressed Women of 2013 list!
You can check out the full list of best dressed dames here!
April
29th
Leah’s Diary: Time Passes
“Time Passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. it passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.”—New Moon
The months of April, May and the entire summer have passed. I barely finished school last year, but somehow I did. I am dreading the day when summer ends and it will return. He never came back to school last year which made it more manageable, yet still painful. His absence was waiting for me around every corner, every classroom. Even in everyone else, as their eyes reflected back only my own empty gaze, void of his accompaniment. I don’t see either of them anymore. It’s better that way. Emptiness is better than refreshing the pain.
Seth is cheerful as always and is even hyped up for school to return. Dad spends most of his time with Charlie, the police chief of Forks, and Billy Black. They go fishing a lot more often. Mom spends her time with the mothers of Seth’s friends or cooking the fish Dad brings home. But I don’t care what they are doing. None of this really matters to me anymore. I’m heartbroken. My cousin, almost sister, has fallen in love with my ex-boyfriend. And even worse, he loves her back. I despise them more than the devil hates angels. If there are such things anyways. It sure doesn’t seem like it lately.
Seth kindly notified me, when they bought a house on the other side of La Push and moved in together. He keeps me updated with the town gossip even though I sometimes wish he wouldn’t. However, it was kind of him to let me know that I was officially out of Sam’s life with no chance back in. Ever. Not that I mind anymore. I used to, but now all I can do is hate them both.
Every day over the summer there were numerous messages for me on our phone’s answering machine and I received letters weekly in the mail. I didn’t even bother to check my email, knowing my inbox was sure to be full. The messages were deleted with out being listened to and the letters thrown away without being read. At first, Seth tried saving the letters, but after awhile he gave up and didn’t even bother to tell me when another arrived.
Mom got me a part time job in La Push ‘s small store, helping keep everything in stock and ordering more of whatever they needed. I don’t mind it very much. I hardly see anyone except for my boss, who I’ve known for years. She has been one of mom’s friends since before I was born. I work Monday through Friday, eleven until five, stocking the shelves out front during the slower hours to avoid customers that might know me. The job gives me extra money, which gives me hope. Hope for getting out of La Push, eventually. Maybe going to a community college or something in Seattle. I can only wish that someday, I can move on and away from the pain.
—Leah
Thanks for reading! Like Leah’s Diary on Facebook here and follow on Twitter here! I’d love to know what you think of Leah’s story!
April
29th
April
29th
New Pics of Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattinson in LA!
Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart out and about in LA April 28th!
April
28th
Carlisle’s Diary ~ The Aftermath
Dear Diary:
I have to say that I cannot be more proud of my granddaughter. Nessie has grown into a loving, caring, brave young woman. The story she told of how she survived the school shooting was nothing short of miraculous. And on top of that she actually risked her own safety to try and help her classmates. We are all very proud of her and also just so glad that she’s safe! I also thought it was cute to see her snuggle with Bella. It reminded all of us of when she was younger and she would always want to be and play with mommy.
The following day, Alice and Jasper arrived back home. The very first thing Alice did when she stepped through the door was run over to Nessie and give her a huge hug. She even forgot her shopping bags for a while. Jasper also walked over and gave Nessie a hug. Jasper has been showing more and more emotion. We are proud of him. After all the hugging and greetings were over, Alice started handing out gifts to everyone. I received a beautiful chiseled marble game of chess, Esme got a new book on crocheting new patterns and designs plus a beautiful dress, the rest of the boys received a ton of different Japanese traditional clothes, while the ladies received dresses and kimonos. But it was Nessie that received the most beautiful kimono of them all. Hers was a rich red with real gold threading for all the embroidery on it. She loved it!
Also, we finally received all of the news on the aftermath of the shooting. There was only one shooter who Nessie identified as being Frank Jordan. His father was ex-military and kept all sorts of different guns in a storage locker behind the house; he was also an avid hunter and was teaching his son how to be a man. Unfortunately, no one really paid attention to what Frank wanted or who he wanted to be friends with. So after being constantly ignored and disregarded, Frank had enough and took his rage out on his father who he hurt badly and the students and faculty at Hanover High School. All said and done, 33 people were killed or died later and more than 40 were injured; with at least 4 being paralyzed in some way shape or form. In Nessie’s class alone, 7 people were killed including Mrs. Lounds. The FBI said it was the deadliest school shooting in American History. It surpassed what happened in Virginia Tech only by one person.
The school has been totally boarded up, students are still recovering. Esme has taken over homeschooling Nessie, Seth, Jacob, and Leah. But Dartmouth has very generously given a whole wing of one of their buildings for the high school students to finish out the school year. The town board has decided to destroy the school and build a new one a half mile or so down the road. A memorial will be placed there instead. Nessie, we have a feeling will want to return to school. Her savior and new friend Michelle comes to our house every day to be taught by Esme. She doesn’t want to go to a school type setting and wants to spend more time with Nessie. She admitted that she always admired Nessie and wanted to be friends with her; they have a lot in common and spend a lot of time together. Michelle doesn’t seem to pay much attention to our subtle differences. She just enjoys spending time with Nessie and absolutely raves about Esme’s cooking. You can imagine that has made Esme incredibly happy. So the FANTASTIC FOUR have become the FAB FIVE!
We’ve had to deal with a lot of media from around the country. They’ve staked out the hospital to talk to anyone; doctors, nurses, even janitors just to get the latest scoop on whichever patient. It annoys all of us to no end that we can’t have any privacy for our patients. And my whole family has been on edge because we’re not big on being the center of any kind of attention under the circumstances and now we have the whole country “eyeballing us” as Jacob says. It annoys him and his pack as well because they can’t even find a place to phase in the woods since they don’t know where there’ll be a hidden camera! Tanya and Kate have invited us to come spend some time in Alaska so we could get away from all this mayhem for a while. We’re all seriously considering it, except for Nessie. She says that she doesn’t want to run away. That this is our town and our home and we shouldn’t let some spineless reporters run us out of town. Those were her words actually. Verbatim.
On top of everything else, Nessie has finally told us about a weird dream she has been having. At first she wasn’t sure what it meant and then she realized that it had been something she actually saw when she was awake and because of all these traumatic events, shoved that memory into the back of her brain so now they were popping up in her dreams. She had seen a man with bright red eyes staring at her from far away when she was walking to school one day. A translation was that she had seen a vampire. But who was he and what did he want? Everyone has been running around our property doing double shifts, trying to pick up the scent but it’s long gone. And what’s even weirder is that none of us picked up the scent of a vampire period anywhere near our town. Perhaps this vampire has a gift of masking his scent. Whatever, we don’t know and we aren’t taking any chances. Everyone has been on high alert. Since Nessie is the one who say him and vice versa, she’s not allowed to go anywhere alone until we figure this out.
We make sure that if she and Michelle go out shopping that both Alice and Rosalie tag along no matter what. Michelle doesn’t mind and likes everyone in our family. “The more, the merrier.” She says. We’re very happy that Nessie has found such a nice and caring friend. And Michelle is overjoyed because being an only child; it gets quite lonely in her house with just her parents. Then she comes to our house and it’s like a zoo, circus, and a soap opera all in one sitting. Emmett has grumbled more than once that he’s glad she’s entertained. Even Leah is pretty warm around Michelle because Michelle always makes it a point to include Leah in everything just like Nessie does. Jacob and Seth complain that they’re outnumbered by the females; who also quite frequently beat them in volleyball, ping pong, and even basketball!
Alice is in the meantime watching for decisions to be made by the Volturi and others. We never know who can be after us. I don’t know why but I have this gnawing feeling that something is brewing on the horizon and that something is going to happen. I’m not usually the one with the foreboding thoughts of gloom and doom and even Esme has rolled her eyes more than once at me.
“Aww come on honey. You’re just being sensitive because of everything that has happened in the past few weeks.”
“Yeah Carlisle, maybe it’s just a loner who was curious about Nessie from a distance. Could be a regular nomad.” Said Emmett.
“I really hope you both are right.” I sighed.
Alice then skipped to my side and said: “Don’t worry, if anything is to happen, I will tell you ahead of time.”
“Yeah Grandpa. Aunt Alice will tell us if something is meant to happen. I bet he was just passing through.” Nessie said from the couch.
“I doubt any vampire that’s not like us would want to stay in a city teaming with a ton of reporters and squad cars.” Bella chimed in shaking her head in disapproval.
“Why not?? The reporters must look like walking happy meals! I for one won’t cry if one of those jerks gets eaten!” Emmett said.
“I hardly think any vampire would be that stupid and risk that kind of exposure, Emmett, and then the Volturi would really need to interfere.” Said Jasper frowning. Bella shuddered.
“True.” Said Emmett thoughtfully.
I let my family discuss the not so appetizing idea of a reporter-vampire lunch and walked out of the living room. I found myself on the back porch and walked to the swing in the backyard and sat down on it. I saw Esme follow me not too long after that……she smiled as she approached and then sat next to me. She put her head on my shoulder and I put my arm around her and kissed the top of her head. She sighed contently.
“Honey, please don’t worry about anything. We are a strong family and we always take care of each other. Whatever it is, we’ll get through it.” She looked at me earnestly as she spoke.
“I know sweetheart. I just think all this insanity with the shooting and not knowing whether Nessie was alright plus losing multiple patients on my watch and now this mystery guest; I think I’m burned out. Or at least my mind is.” I sighed.
“How about going hunting and then taking a nice long bath after?” She asked with a twinkle in her eye.
That’s when I realized that I was really thirsty. When was the last time I hunted? Goodness, I don’t even remember. My eyes must be pitch black.
“That’s a good idea sweetheart. I don’t think I realized how thirsty I was. Let’s go now and then take that bath after everyone has gone their separate ways.”
“Sounds good to me. Would you like your bath with bubbles sir?” She giggled as we stood up and holding hands ran toward the woods.
“That would be OUR bath not just mine and yes I think bubbles will be needed.” I smiled at her finally.
Only my wife could make me think about something silly like bubbles when my thoughts were troubled. We ran and ran, straight out of town, decided to go out of town just in case any of those pesky reporters were snooping around the woods for whatever reason. We ended up in Canada before we stopped. Finally hearing and smelling some mountain lions and deer, we took off on the hunt. 15 minutes later, we were together again, fed and I could tell my sense of strength return and the gloomy outlook was more determined and positive. Esme saw the same and she smiled happily. Without talking we ran back home; running side by the side looking over at each other every so often.
Finally, we reached our backyard again. It was Twilight. We could tell that everyone had retired to their respective homes and rooms. Now we could have some alone time. And there was that bubble bath I was promised. I looked at my stunning wife and wiggled my eyebrows mischievously. She giggled and we ran to our suite of rooms. We had wings in this house and ours was in the West Wing. Yep, just like the President. We got there and while I got myself ready, Esme went to look for that special bubble bath that smells like lavender. We both adore it especially Esme. She got the bathroom ready and when I opened the door, she stood there wearing nothing but a robe. Candles were flickering everywhere, there were rose petals floating in the water. The whole room smelled of lavender. I looked around with a small smile but my eyes were mainly for her. When I looked at her and started my slow approach, I could tell she was ready for me by the lowering of the eyes for a bit and then swallowing hard.
I walked to stand in front of her. I was also wearing only a robe. I placed my hands on either side of her face and drew her head up into a kiss. We stood there kissing and swaying slightly. I then withdrew and looked at her. We stood there just looking at each other. Then I undid the knot on her robe as she undid mine and before long we were both standing only in what God gave us, holding each other. Then we both climbed into our massive tub and I sighed at the pleasurable feeling of the hot water, with the bubbles, and Esme’s soft skin against mine. We just lay there luxuriating. I knew at that moment that all the negative thoughts had evaporated and I was in pure heaven.
~Carlisle Cullen
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April
28th
Edward’s Diary: All Of Me is All For You—Part 2
Dear Diary,
“What time is it?” I heard Bella’s voice surround me, blending with the euphoria in my mind like water dissolving into sand.
“I don’t know.” I opened my eyes and looked at her, lying naked by my side in a tangled mess of sheets and blankets, her mahogany hair strewn about on the pillow that now smelled of us and sweet love making. “I don’t care anyway.”
She laughed and moved, dislodging herself from my side and straddling me, “You might not care, Mr. Cullen, but there might be a search party sent out for us if we don’t get back. And besides, did you forget we have a daughter?”
I sat up so her legs went around my waist, thus cradling her in my arms. My fingers splayed out against her bare back, and my lips started tracing soft patterns in the hollow of her neck. I was cheating, I knew. Bella had a weakness when it came to sex.
“She’s a big girl. She can look after herself just for a night,” I murmured, pulling her impossibly closer.
Bella started to say something, but gasped as the sensations rushed through her, and I cheered internally at my success. She giggled when I tickled her, and then regained her power of speech.
“Do you really want to leave her alone? Overnight? With Jacob?”
I hadn’t thought of that.
Bella saw the expression on my face and sniggered quietly, running her hands through my hair. “Edward, relax. I’m kidding. I know Nessie. They won’t do anything.”
I knew that. I trusted them both, but they were teenagers after all. God knows what Bella and I had done before we got married. It was a surprise that Charlie had slept through it all.
“Maybe we should have the talk with them.” Bella leaned closer, resting her head on my shoulder.
“What talk?”
She pulled back and looked at me with her eyebrows raised.
Oh. Oh.
“You mean the talk?” I may or may not have wrinkled my nose a bit. Come on, what father wants to talk to his daughter about—I gulped internally—sex?
Hey honey, so listen, I’m gonna tell you how to make babies, ya know? It’s all pretty cool, actually. You’ll find out as ya go. And in the meantime, don’t end up pregnant and make me a grandfather.
Yeah, right.
Bella nodded as I registered what she meant to say.
“But she’s so young!”
“Edward, she’s going to be fifteen! How long do you want to wait?” She shook her head, because I knew that she knew what I was going to say.
“I don’t know . . . maybe when she’s thirty?” I gave my wife a sheepish expression.
Bella looked at me with an expression that said, you’re kidding me, right? “Really? And what explanation do I give her for having a baby at eighteen? Don’t you think that’s just a little bit hypocritical?”
“Bella, please. I don’t want to think about it, not right now. It’s our anniversary!” I protested weakly, feeling what every father in the world feels at least once in his life.
Why the hell did we have kids?
Bella smiled at me with knowing eyes. I knew my expression said it all. How the hell did we go from screwing like rabbits to talking about our daughter and her prospective sex life—which I really didn’t want to think about, not for about a thousand years—in bed?
“I’m thinking the same things, by the way, but in a very different light than you are.” She dislodged herself from my lap, and wrapped the blanket around her as she perched herself next to me.
“Do you know where we were five years ago, Edward?”
“Dancing after getting married.”
She hit me lightly as she tried to hide the smile that lit up her face. “No, a little earlier.”
“Practicing. You were trying to get me to have sex with you.”
“You’re not going to take this seriously, are you?”
I laughed and apologized quickly. “Sorry, sorry, yeah.”
She warned me with her eyes, and I took the hint. I had to be quiet and listen.
“I’m saying that five years ago, things were so different: so tense. With James, Victoria, the Volturi, our separation, the stint with Jacob . . . It was all so . . . I just . . . it took away something, Edward. We never seemed to have time to ourselves. It was this thing, or that hunt, or that war: always something getting in our way of being together. I thought we could never be sure of ourselves this way.
“I mean, what were the odds, Edward? You were the most perfect guy a girl could find. You could have had anything . . . anyone. It just made no sense for you to be with me. What was I: fragile, clumsy, plain, needy Bella Swan? I thought you would get tired of me, that you would one day realize that there was nothing in me that held your interest, and then we’d go our separate ways. And I felt afraid.
“I felt afraid because I thought it would have been easy for you, Edward. You had waited a hundred years. You could wait a few more. I thought that once you’d been gone away for enough time, you would forget me. But I knew that I wouldn’t: forget you, I mean. Who can forget the most memorable times of their life? Their first love? First kiss?”
I opened my mouth to interrupt her, not liking the direction she was going, but she held my hand and silently urged me to listen. The rain outside had picked up speed, and even though the door we had kept open made way for gusts of icy, biting wind to intrude its way into our home, we were warm.
“And then,” she continued, “when you actually left, it was so painfully clear. It was so hard and so easy to believe that you didn’t want me like I wanted you. It became so obvious that you’d finally realized you didn’t want to be stuck with me for eternity.
“I know things changed after you came back: somehow we’d beaten the odds. But there was always one thing or another. The point is that we were so unsure. I mean, I know now that it was baseless—our fear, that is—but there were times when I thought we’d go back to square one. It was one step forward, two steps back with us. When I kissed Jacob, that day of the battle, my mind was in complete mayhem.
“How could I have ever doubted myself? How could I ever doubt my love? I’d never felt more guilty in my entire life. It just . . . for the briefest of all moments, it just made me feel as though this was . . . a lie. I just . . . I still hate myself for thinking that, even for that one moment.
“Even after the wedding, when I was pregnant with Nessie . . . we fought so much, Edward. We couldn’t even look at each other without cursing. You were angry, I was terrified and frustrated. But still, here we are. Here we are, after five years—no scratch that, almost seven years. We lived through it all. We fought, we loved, we hated, we cried, we did it together. And I want you to know that I’m so grateful for it: all of it. Every moment—painful or not—that we lived through . . . this right now makes me believe that it was all worth it.
“This, tonight, is the strongest we have ever been, Edward, and the weakest we’ll ever be. I think—no, I believe—that we’re only going to move forward after this. Five years ago we were wondering whether we’d make it through all the crap in one piece, and a few moments ago we were sitting here wondering whether we should have the sex talk with our daughter—who we never knew we could have.
“We’ve grown, Edward. This is the only thing that matters to me.”
I looked at her for a long while, wondering whether I should kiss her or kiss the crap out of her. She was so right. Every relationship was a see saw. There needed to be balance to make it work. Although we’d had our share of downs, we had enough chances for ups now. No one could change that.
At last, I decided on kissing the crap out of her, and the sound that escaped her lips sent glorious sensations through me.
“So, what do you say? Ready for Round five?” I laid her back onto the bed, hovering above her.
“Not yet, Mr. Cullen. I still need to give you your gift.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Atlin, British Columbia (August 13, somewhere around midnight)
“Oh no, you didn’t.”
“I did.” She giggled.
“But how . . .?”
My mouth fell open, and my eyes widened, taking in the scene in front of me. How in the world had she come to know about it?
“You didn’t actually think I wouldn’t notice, did you? I mean, all the day-long absences, coming home smelling like freesias—which just happen to be my favorite flowers—the grass stains on your jeans—I knew what you were doing long ago, Edward. It just took me a little time to find this baby and turn it exactly like us: not me—us.” Bella wiggled her eyebrows, and the moonlight made her smile all the more luminous.
It wasn’t like me to forget things—but even I couldn’t deny that our meadow had completely slipped my mind. I had had much progress with it when I’d first found it, but between planning Bella’s anniversary gift, and keeping Jacob off of my daughter, I had completely forgotten about the piece of paradise that I had planned to give to Bella.
Only now, to my utter surprise, she had found it and turned it into something more beautiful, if that was even possible. And she could not have chosen a more ample day to reveal it.
Tonight, fortunately, was one of the few nights of the year when the moon would shine down on Atlin in all its silvery, mystic glory, inundating every part of the forest in a sparkle that could rival the glimmer of the water of the Fountain of Youth.
I looked around me in wonder. There was a serene platitude all around us, hovering over us like a blanket, covering in pacific joy and exuberant peace. The silver from the moon had bleached everything black and white, but I could still make out the faint purple hues from the flowers that covered the patch of land everywhere till its edges, where it was once again swallowed up by the trees.
There was a subtle, almost undetectable, scent in the air—presumably from the flora around us, and it was almost intoxicating. In spite of the quietude that was so predominant in this part of the forest—broken only by the intermittent raucous voices of the nighttime aviators or the hooting of the owls—there seemed to be a melody hovering in the atmosphere. One that could not be perceived by the physical ear, but could only appeal to the deepest ravines of one’s soul: The melody of the oneness of the heart and nature—indecipherable, unimaginable, unspeakable, yet loud and clear, as if it were shouting to be heard.
In this moment, our meadow looked like paradise—pristine, chaste, timeless paradise.
My eyes raked over the scenery, until, after wandering for moments like restless, aimless travelers, they settled on her: the one person who had made my existence worthwhile.
She was standing in the center of the meadow—eyes closed, lips set in a small smile, head turned up towards the heavens, as if she was pleading with them to make time stop. I know I was.
Where the sunlight made her skin sparkle like a cluster of diamonds, the pacific moonlight had quite a different effect on it. Now, the glow on her skin was muted: almost intangible, but present. The diamonds, it seemed, had thought better than to overpower such a pure moment. Now, it seemed as of her skin was covered with crystals, or icicles, shining silently in the silent night.
She looked as if she had emerged from one of the many fairy tales that I had grown up reading. She looked like a seraph, a siren, a maiden, an angel.
My angel.
“Do you like it?” She asked me very quietly, still standing in the center of the meadow.
“I love it, Bella. I love what you’ve done with it. I love what you’ve done to us.” I stepped forward, hesitating a bit, wondering if I would wake up and this virgin maiden would vanish.
“I have something else for you, too,” she said, and approached me quietly.
She held my hand, icicle in icicle, and led me to where she had been standing before.
Immediately, she went down, making herself at home on the ground, and asked me to do the same. Even her hair seemed to shine like Rapunzel’s, only they looked more like strands of white snow than fields of marigolds.
I sat a little away from her, partly because I did not want her to disappear in a poof, and partly because I wanted to witness her beauty in the raw form in which it appealed to me.
She reached behind her, and pulled something out from under her sweater. She bit her lip twice, like she always did when she was nervous, and then pushed a strange object into my hands.
It was a book of sorts, a journal to be precise, old, tattered, and leather bound.
I looked at her curiously, and she nodded, urging me to open it.
I gasped when I saw the date.
January 19th, 1917.
“Bella, how . . .?”
“I searched a little.” She said it as if it had been a piece of cake, but I knew how hard it must have been to find an artifact this old. More importantly, an artifact like Elizabeth Masen’s last journal.
I can proudly say that I get my habit of writing journals from my mother. Throughout her life, she had maintained huge volumes that documented her life. Mostly, it had been everyday stuff: How she managed the house, some tips for effective cooking, some recipes here and there. Other times, there were incidents: The day I had been born, the day my father had asked her to marry her, the day he had beaten up some men who had been ogling my mother.
In my first few years as a newborn, I had visited Chicago frequently, slowly and steadily cleaning out everything that I wanted to keep with me. I had taken all of my mother’s journals with me.
Except one.
The last one of them all—the one which held the pages accounting my father’s death, the fears about my dreams of enlisting in the army, her deteriorating health, my illness. I had ransacked the house searching for the last one, but I had eventually remembered that Mother had had that diary with her on the day she had died. So, there was a pretty good chance that the notebook had never made it home. I had thought it was destroyed with my mother.
But no. Here it was, in my hands. Old, ragged, but safe.
Finally home.
“Bella . . .” I would have cried if I could, but she shushed me.
“Open the last page, Edward.”
I did as she said, and the words that stared back at me could have made my heart jump right out of its chest.
My mother’s writing was clear—written in black ink.
“I think the time is near. Anthony is gone, and has taken every part of my soul with him, except one.
In these last moments of bittersweet parting, I pray, dear Lord, that you keep my Edward safe. Keep him well, and guide him, so he may always be happy. Let him find love, Lord. Let him experience the joy that I felt every moment of my life with his father. He deserves the best, Lord. Let him have it.
Edward, I don’t know if you’ll ever read this, but if you do, always remember that your father and I love you very much. He might not have shown it much, but he was every bit as proud of you as I am, Darling. You are a part us: the best of us. Never forget that. I love you, Edward. We both do.
Below it, written in a scrawl that could only have been Bella’s, were five words.
You are my life, forever.
I could not hold myself back at that. “Oh, Bella.” I threw myself into her arms, wishing fervently that somehow every bit of love that I had would seep into her pores, making her completely and irrevocably mine.
There were no more words said after that, just blissful smiles and kissed that, in their silent transmissions, said more that our lips ever could.
As I end this particular entry, Mother, I find myself reunited with you—in body and soul. Over a hundred years I looked for you; I looked for this part of you, and now that I have found you again, I would like to tell you something, Mother.
You have succeeded. You have made me who I am, Mother, and you believed in me more than I ever did. I miss you, Mother, but I know that wherever you are, you know that I am happy, because, as you prayed, I have found love.
I have found love in the most amazing woman on the planet, Mother. She is every bit as gorgeous and generous and forgiving as could ever be, and I can tell you affirmatively that she loves me too. She and our daughter complete me. Your Edward has a family now. And even though I will always miss you, Mother, I know that you are always there with me, in my heart. You will always be my Mother, wherever you are.
Thank you for teaching me that love beautified everything. And thank you, Bella, for showing me that kind of love. I am a man truly blessed, because of you.
Both of you.
—Edward Cullen
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