April 29, 2013
“Time Passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. it passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.”—New Moon
The months of April, May and the entire summer have passed. I barely finished school last year, but somehow I did. I am dreading the day when summer ends and it will return. He never came back to school last year which made it more manageable, yet still painful. His absence was waiting for me around every corner, every classroom. Even in everyone else, as their eyes reflected back only my own empty gaze, void of his accompaniment. I don’t see either of them anymore. It’s better that way. Emptiness is better than refreshing the pain.
Seth is cheerful as always and is even hyped up for school to return. Dad spends most of his time with Charlie, the police chief of Forks, and Billy Black. They go fishing a lot more often. Mom spends her time with the mothers of Seth’s friends or cooking the fish Dad brings home. But I don’t care what they are doing. None of this really matters to me anymore. I’m heartbroken. My cousin, almost sister, has fallen in love with my ex-boyfriend. And even worse, he loves her back. I despise them more than the devil hates angels. If there are such things anyways. It sure doesn’t seem like it lately.
Seth kindly notified me, when they bought a house on the other side of La Push and moved in together. He keeps me updated with the town gossip even though I sometimes wish he wouldn’t. However, it was kind of him to let me know that I was officially out of Sam’s life with no chance back in. Ever. Not that I mind anymore. I used to, but now all I can do is hate them both.
Every day over the summer there were numerous messages for me on our phone’s answering machine and I received letters weekly in the mail. I didn’t even bother to check my email, knowing my inbox was sure to be full. The messages were deleted with out being listened to and the letters thrown away without being read. At first, Seth tried saving the letters, but after awhile he gave up and didn’t even bother to tell me when another arrived.
Mom got me a part time job in La Push ‘s small store, helping keep everything in stock and ordering more of whatever they needed. I don’t mind it very much. I hardly see anyone except for my boss, who I’ve known for years. She has been one of mom’s friends since before I was born. I work Monday through Friday, eleven until five, stocking the shelves out front during the slower hours to avoid customers that might know me. The job gives me extra money, which gives me hope. Hope for getting out of La Push, eventually. Maybe going to a community college or something in Seattle. I can only wish that someday, I can move on and away from the pain.