Jacob’s Diary: Decision Has Been Made

May 25, 2013

Dear Diary,


Today was . . . interesting, to say the least. I had just broken the news to the Cullen’s that my dad agreed to go under the transformation. All were in favor for it — the only reason they were upset at first is because A) They had no clue there was a chance it could work, and B) They didn’t want Billy to do something that he didn’t want to do.

It was true that my dad was naturally born to hate vampires and everything they stand for.

I think he’s finally seeing what old-timey nonsense that is. Times are changing, and I don’t care how old he is. Anyone can see that.

Anyone can see that vampires and werewolves have been forced to ally with each other against irrevocable forces. Come to find out, hey! They aren’t so bad!

Not to mention — I kind of lost hope of hating vampires when I married a girl born into a clan of vampires.

In all seriousness though, I love the Cullen’s. Natural enemies be damned, they’ve become a second family.

A series of unexpected, and what we thought was impossible, events had caused us to make a bond, something unbreakable. We could no longer turn a blind eye to each others trouble; we had to be there for one another, because of our unspoken truce. Nobody is unhappy about it, either. It’s not like an obligation anymore, more like a need to protect one another. It comes more naturally to us now than hating each other ever had been.

Sure, we still smell revolting to each other, sickly sweet, wet dog — the usual. I guess our bodies just haven’t evolved as quickly as our state of minds.

Once the situation was explained in its entirety, they were excited.

Nobody was prepared to lose Billy, though we were all losing every ounce of hope we had left of any miracle. This new idea though, and my dad’s brave and humbling decision to follow through with it — it’s given us hope again.

Then I had to get to the really hard part.

I had to tell the pack. I know I said we have a new bond between each other, but I really don’t think they’re going to take one of their own turning into what is supposed to be the very bane of our existence that well.

Leah probably will, considering she had the bias of imprinting on a vampire, but the other . . . not so much.

Being a werewolf sucks in that, when I need a shot of liquor to calm my nerves, the high metabolism makes it virtually impossible to have an effect without downing a whole bottle.

I felt stiff all over, and during the whole drive to Sam’s I felt like I was gonna puke.

My main concern was Sam would somehow try to refuse it, and I’d have to decide to fight him over it, or back down.

I don’t think I’d back down for anything though — over my dead body will somebody come between keeping my dad alive.

I’d told everyone to be there at Sam’s for a meeting, that I had an announcement to make. I don’t think anyone was prepared for what I was getting ready to say.

“Jacob, hey! Here take a cookie. White chocolate macadamia, fresh out of the oven!”

Emily embraced me warmly and handed me a cookie the size of a dessert plate. I was too nauseous from the nerves to actually eat it, but I gave her a grateful look and took it from her out of politeness. I then gingerly nibbled off the edge, trying to act enthusiastic.

It was delicious, but I couldn’t really appreciate the taste at the moment.

“Where is everyone?” I asked her, swallowing the bite of cookie, and it felt like shards of glass going down my dry throat.

“They’re all waiting for you in the den!” She went into the kitchen to bring me a drink, motioning for me to go into the den.

I made my way to Sam’s den, feeling like my feet were dragging in concrete. One step at a time, Jake. You can do this.

I read an article one time, that said: “Thinking encouraging thoughts to yourself helps you get through stressful situations.” Bullshit.

Everyone was seated on the overstuffed patchwork couches placed haphazardly around the room, facing the flat-screen, which was showcasing the Mariners game. Everyone looked up and smiled at me, though I still could feel a sense of sadness. They still thought I had to cope with the thought of my dad dying of cancer. Well, surprise!

I sat down on the armchair, so they knew I was ready to make my announcement.

Once they realized it though, I decided to stand up.

Yeah, this feels more formal.

“Hey everyone, thanks for coming.” I pushed out the words, my throat tightening. I swallowed, trying to regain focus on what I came for.

“Of course, Jake, what is it that you need to tell us?” Sam sounded concerned. He knew something was up.

Well. Here goes.

“I know that none of you, well maybe except for Leah, are going to approve of this, but the decision has been made. I’m just coming to inform you, because I do believe you have a right to know. My dad had told me he was deciding to quit taking the chemotherapy treatments. They were becoming too hard for him to handle and keep a good attitude at the same time. He told me he would rather die himself than a ghost of himself.”

Everyone looked grim, pity in their eyes.

“That’s not what I’m here to tell you, though,” I continued. “Carlisle and I have spent a lot of time discussing the matter, and we also have talked profusely with Dad, and we’ve reached our decision. With Dad’s permission, Carlisle is going to change him. Into a vampire.”

The silence was short lived.

“Have you lost your mind?” Paul interjected, his face scrunched up. I pursed my lips. Everyone was shocked, hands over their mouths, jaws dropped.

“No, Paul. I haven’t,” I told him, looking him square in the eye. “He’s my dad, and he’s going to die. This is the last chance we have at any hope of him living.”

“He’s a Quileute! He won’t live through it!” Embry shouted exasperated. I looked at Sam. He hadn’t said a word.

“Carlisle and I have looked at the facts, and there’s a chance he’ll live. He never transformed into wolf form, not even once. Yes he has the blood in him, but the werewolf gene was never activated. We might be able to save him! I know you guys don’t want it, but he’ll still be Billy. He’ll still be my dad and—” I cut off short, choking back a sob.

“Jake, I don’t know what to tell you. No, I don’t approve, but I think that you’re going to this regardless of what I tell you. I don’t know whether your dad said this because of his delusional state, or if he sincerely means that he wants to try it. Either way, he’s your father, and if you think this is what’s best, then that’s what you have to do. We are still your pack, Jake. We are behind you.” At this point Sam had started tearing up too. Everyone looked pained, and I hated that I had caused it.

“Thank you, Sam. I’m sorry-I’m sorry you guys, I just thought you should know,” I said, and walked out of the den, and left the house.

I cried the whole way home, feeling so lost. Not to mention, emotionally drained. I didn’t know what to do, but this was all I had left. I wasn’t going to let my dad go without trying everything.

I got home, and Ness knew just how to help. After spending the remainder of the day trying to calm down, she’s helped me through it. I couldn’t think of anyone else who could support me the way she did today, or the way she always has. I’ve married one hell of a woman.




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