Carlisle’s Diary ~ From Beyond The Grave

January 8, 2014

***Note: Portions of the dialogue will be in italics and you will understand why as you read. Unless otherwise advised, this is the only entry this will happen in. Enjoy! Xoxo Olga***

Dear Diary:

          I have to say our world as a whole continues to amaze me. Even with all of our mind readers and future tellers, there are still facets that are unknown and sneak up on us without any notice whatsoever. I’m sure you’re wondering what it is that I’m talking about and why pray tell am I being so philosophical. Well, you know of the beyond extraordinary gift my wife bestowed upon me over the holidays. I have used every free moment I have to hide in my home office and read my father’s diary or journal as it were. He wrote for many years and the journal is quite extensive.

          He spoke of his life after marrying my mother; in fact it was she who had nudged him to keep a journal. Ironic, isn’t it? Esme did the same with me. I didn’t know what I would write would be fascinating but our lives are never dull, ordinary, or boring as you’ve all noticed. My father had also not thought his life was worth documenting but the journal in my hands was very full of his thoughts, a lot of which he never shared with me. As I read each page, I gained new insight into my father; it made me respect him more than I ever had before. At first he wrote about the happiness he had experienced with my mother and then of his sorrow when she passed. He made sure the journal contained all of his negativity and bitterness over her passing; he even said that he would rather fill up 100 of these journals with his sorrow then ever let me see it.

          When I would go into my home office and close the door, very rarely would I be interrupted by members of my family. They knew what I was doing and left me be. We still had our holiday decorations up; we figured we’d take things down within the next week or so. So I had read yet another entry in my father’s journal after which I got up and looked out the window at our snow covered backyard. I was lost in thought when I thought I saw something out of the corner of my eye. When I looked closely, there was nothing there so I shrugged it off and went downstairs to help Esme in the kitchen. We had a very quiet home as everyone was at their specific homes and only the occupants of our house were in it. The Denali’s left 2 days ago to go back home.

          That day went by quietly. The next morning I thankfully didn’t have to work as we had residents up the wazoo at the hospital and Bill was showing them which end was up plus it was a quiet day; so Bill told me to enjoy myself with my family. I wasn’t about the question him; hey don’t get me wrong, I love my job but I love my family more. So I went back to my home office to read a little bit more of my father’s journal and as I was walking around the room with it in hand, I happened to glance out the window and see the figure of what appeared to be a man in the bushes. There was something odd about him though and I couldn’t put my finger on it.

          What made it even stranger was that he was staring straight at me not just at the house. I left the office and walked downstairs and out the back door fast but not too fast to arouse suspicion from those in the house. When I had gotten outside and looked at the spot where the man had stood, no one was there. I looked around and I still had the feeling like I was being watched but I couldn’t figure out from where. Then it’s as if my body was motioned forward in a particular direction and into the forest in the back yard. I kept walking and walking until something made me stop. I turned around and there standing not even 10 ft away from me was my father!

          I couldn’t even form words as we stared at each other. The only thought I had was now I understood it was him the day before standing there watching me and also why he looked so odd; that was because he was translucent; I could almost see through him. I had to blink a few times to make sure I wasn’t seeing things; but regardless of how many times I blinked, rubbed my eyes, or even pinched my cold hard skin, he remained standing there. My father had come to me from beyond the grave; I was actually seeing a ghost! Finally, he spoke.

Hello son.”
“F-F-Father, is that really you?” I finally stuttered out in what sounded like a whisper.
“Yes, son it is really me.” He said with a nod.
“W-what are you doing here? And why now?”
“Well, I understand that some spirits travel with certain possessions. When you were given my journal by your wife, I was allowed to come forth and make contact with you.”
“What do you mean, you were allowed? I’m sorry this is just so much, I want to understand.” I said earnestly my eyes never leaving his; taking all of him in.
I’m not sure how it works but now I have come to you. I wanted to let you know that your mother and I are indeed together. Even though I wasn’t able to live out my life with her; at least I can live out my afterlife with her.”
“That’s, that’s wonderful! I’m glad you two are together at last.” I said as my father smiled. Then he grew somber again as I’m sure he knew what I was about to ask him.

“Father, you know what I am.” I made it sound more like a statement then a question.
“Yes, I do.”
“I am not a monster. I’m not a murderer….in fact I have never killed a single human being in all of my centuries of existence.”
“I know. It was hard to understand at first but when I realized you were in fact not dead….but…I wanted to find out what happened that night that made you….whatever it is you are……” His voice trailed off as he struggled to speak.
“I am a vampire; that is what I am but that doesn’t define me. That night it happened just as those who survived told you except instead of dying, I spent 3 days in that sewer scorching alive on the inside as the venom from the bite took possession of my body.” He flinched as I explained it to him.

          I decided to spare him the scary and gruesome portions of my life instead telling him how I watched him from a far until I moved to continental Europe and how my life progressed from there all the way to present day in 2014 in New Hampshire. He listened very patiently and then said:

I have to know. Are you a doctor? Did you fulfill your passion?”
“I am, yes. I have studied in the best universities in the world as well as worked in some of the best hospitals in this country. That’s one of the perks of being immortal; you don’t sleep so you can pursue your life’s passions.” I said with a smile. My answer seemed to please him as I remembered the last entry in his journal.
That’s wonderful, son it really is. I…..I….I’m proud of you. But I think you already know that from reading my journal; we both are your mother and I.” He said with a small smile that barely touched his eyes.

          I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My father had actually said that he was proud of me! My immortal soul seemed to grow wings and fly into the heavens. And on top of that to hear that my mother whom I technically never met, felt the same way….was indescribable. I think my eyes were bugging out of my head and my jaw was somewhere near my feet because my father’s smile grew wider.

“I…I…I…yes I knew it from reading your journal but it’s still nice to hear it. I never realized that that is what I was missing in my life; your approval.” I said honestly. I wasn’t afraid to admit it.

“Yes, you are something that I used to hunt and destroy but most importantly you are my son and that erases everything else. It took me a while to come to that realization. I still wish I hadn’t spent all those years chasing evil or what I perceived as evil but instead raised you and let you pursue your dream….as….as….a human being. I feel responsible for making you this way. Son, can you ever forgive me?” He bowed his head then as I saw tears roll down his translucent cheeks. He had come to me to make peace once and for all.

“Father, please listen to me. It’s not your fault for starters; I don’t blame you and never did. You did what you thought was right at the time. And I have come to peace with what I am and even grateful because of the family that I have and get to spend an eternity with. And though it’s true that I may never join you and mother in the afterlife but at least you know, I’m safe, I’m happy, and I am at peace. I want you to be too. So please release the guilt from yourself. You don’t deserve it.” I said walking closer to him though not touching him.

          We stayed like that for a while as I silently comforted him and received my own silent comfort in the fact that my father was accepting who I was and what I was. It had taken centuries but it had finally happened. And boy did it feel good. The best way to describe it was like the very first time I fed on those deer back in England shortly after becoming a vampire. The strength that surged through my body then now was surging through my heart—which I felt had come to life once again—and soul. Like sweet nectar nurturing every fiber of my being. I felt like I was glowing from the inside out and had to quickly look around myself to make sure that wasn’t literally the case. We’ve had a lot of ‘glowing experiences’ ever since the Watchers came to town so just wanted to double check this wasn’t one of those times! Thankfully, I was still resembling a man and not a firefly so a totally huge plus. My father had regained his composure by that time and had met my eyes with kindness. I knew it was time for him to depart.

Thank you my son, my one and only child. I can now live out the afterlife in peace knowing you are well and not in some hell. Your mother nudged me into coming here and she sends her love. She is also very proud of you. You have become the man I always wanted and wished for you to become. I am very glad I came, very glad indeed. Women are always right, you know.” He said with a small laugh. I nodded and laughed along with him.

“Yes father they are, I’ve learned that with my own wife quite well.” I said thinking of my beautiful Esme.
“Be well my son. I am proud of you always. I love you very much.” He said as he started to drift away.
“I love you too father; be at peace always.” I said just as he vanished from view.

          I stood there for I don’t even know how long except I noticed the sun start to set and I knew my family was waiting for me inside. I couldn’t believe what had just happened……had well…..actually happened. But I knew it wasn’t a figment of my imagination just from what had happened previously with Tanya and Irina. These things do in fact exist. There is an afterlife where our loved ones can live out the rest of eternity. It brought me peace just thinking about it. I walked back to the house with a small smile on my face, ready to tell my family what had happened. I hadn’t felt that calm in…well perhaps forever.

          Just as I walked into the house through the back door, Alice gasped and went into vision mode as the doorbell rang. Bella had gotten to the door at the same time as I did and she stepped aside to let me open it. When I did we all were stunned to see Bella’s old ‘friend’ from Forks High School; Jessica Stanley was standing on our porch her eyes blazing. Before we could utter a word, she said:

“I know WHAT you are! And I will EXPOSE you to the WHOLE WORLD!” She spat out vehemently producing a tape recorder out of her sweatshirt pocket.

To be continued……

~Carlisle Cullen

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Hi my name is Olga, I live in the USA, and I'm the writer of Carlisle's Diary. I also published a poetry book called "Out of the Abyss" which you can buy in paperback and/or kindle by clicking 'HERE'. I have a ton of hobbies like scuba diving, singing, dancing, and writing poetry to name a precious few. I also speak Russian as I was born in the USSR/Belarus.

I'm very honored to be a writer for this amazing and exceptional character and be part of the Bella's Diary family. Furthermore, I am very thrilled to get to know all of my fans. I look forward to speaking to each one of you. xoxo
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