Renesmee’s Diary~My Jacob

January 20, 2014

Dear Diary,

Jacob got out of surgery early afternoon. No one has been allowed to see him, though. He is still unconscious. Grandpa went in and patched everything up as best as he could but he said he did encounter some problems. He said the next few hours would tell us if Jake would . . . well if he would make it.

The wolves were outside in the woods waiting for news but also keeping an ear out for any more unexpected visitors. Some of them had gone back to La Push, not wanting to leave their village completely unprotected. Sam, Seth, Leah, and Embry had all stayed. Jared and Quill had led the others back. I had been curled up in a ball on one of the untouched sofas, rejecting food—which I was still able to eat, sleep, and anything that Jake couldn’t have or do since he got out of surgery. His pain was my pain and I would suffer through it as he was. If he didn’t make it . . . well I would deal with that when and if  I had to.

I didn’t think about it much because my father was always hovering close by, just in case I had some bad thoughts that would make my family even more tense than they already were around me. Everyone was being very fragile with me. Uncle Jasper kept trying to get me to feel anything but complete and utter depression and desolation, but after his 30th try, I let him know in a monotone that it was no use. I just kept listening to Jacob’s low, skipping heart in the next room, and his steady breathing. 

“Renesmee, you really should try and eat something. Jacob wouldn’t want to see you like this and you know it, sweetheart,” Mom said, sitting down next to me and stroking my hair tenderly. I raised my tear-streaked face to look at her. My bottom lip stuck out involuntary and I probably looked like a child. I shook some of the hair out of my face and sat up a bit. Mom put her hand on my arm. I blew out the gush of air I had been holding.

“I’m not eating until I get to see him, Momma,” I whispered, lying my head back down on the arm chair. Mom sighed and got up to go stand with my dad behind the sofa, both hovering over me protectively. Grandpa had gone to go check on Jacob a minute ago. I could now hear him talking. Jacob was awake! I sat up abruptly and listened.

“Hey, Doc,” Jacob mumbled.

“Jacob, how are you feeling?” Grandpa said.

“Truthfully? Like shit. But I actually think I’m fine. Where’s Nessie?” Jacob asked, stronger and more urgent.

I growled low in my throat. There he goes again, worrying about me when he could be dead in an hour. My father and I both flinched at that last thought. I heard Jacob try to sit up but then slump back down.

She’s fine, Jacob. Severely shaken but fine. She won’t eat, sleep, or move until she’s seen you,” Grandpa admitted reluctantly. Now it was Jacob’s turn to growl and then he whimpered in pain a little.

Carlisle, could you please get my  incompetent imprint in here, please,” Jacob mumbled, anger lacing his tone. A frown settled on my lips and I stood slowly. I walked stiffly down the short hallway and stopped at Jake’s door.

Grandpa was in the doorway, blocking Jacob from my vision. “He’ll be fine. It looks like he made a full recovery,” he told me, smiling and stepping past me, patting my arm and kissing my cheek as he did so. I watched him go, clearly not looking at the object my mind was most focused on. I stepped inside and closed the door. Turning slowly, I caught Jacob’s scent.  Musky and manly, now mixed with harsh chemicals. He smelled all wrong. I wrinkled my nose, and continued to look at anything but him. I leaned against the doorjamb. 

“Renesmee,” he said, low and scolding. I continued to avert my eyes, looking pointedly at my shoes.

“Jake,” I whispered.

“Look at me, sweetheart,” he said, begging. His tone threw a knife at my heart. I looked up slowly and our brown eyes met. He looked so fragile. He was connected to an IV, which was dripping yucky looking fluid into his arm. He was also hooked up to a heart monitor; it started beeping faster when I looked at him. I smiled involuntarily.

“Oh, Nessie. Come here,” he urged, holding out his hand. I took a shy step forward, my heart constricting painfully. I walked with caution to his side and took his hand.

“Jake . . . I—”

He cut me off with a look. “I don’t want to hear it. You need to eat, you need to sleep, and you need to stop worrying about me so much. I’ll be fine, you heard the doctor,” he assured me, reaching up and stroking my cheek. I leaned my head into his hand.

“I love you,” I said, kissing the tip of his index finger. 

“I love you more, Nessie.”

I shook my head. He nodded and I smiled.

“I’m fine, now go eat something and then get some rest,” he said, a command evident in his voice. I kissed his forehead, pressing one hand against his cheek. I flashed a quick image of us kissing and tinged the image with an unspoken promise. I would never leave him long, I would always be near, and I would love him forever. He sighed and his head fell back against the pillows. A minute later he was snoring softly. I walked out of the room, smiling softly to myself. Mom was waiting with a plate of my favorite eggs. I had no idea why I loved eggs so much; Mom would never tell me. I scarfed them down along with a glass of elk blood. I felt full as a stuffed turkey.

“You can go sleep in Jacob’s room if you like, Nessie.” Dad gestured to the hall after he caught me trying to hide a yawn. I scowled playfully at him and leaped up off the couch. Stretching, I danced slowly through the house and into Jacob’s room. He was still snoring softly.

The afternoon sun still hung high in the sky. I drew the curtains and turned off the light, then I uncovered Jacob and very carefully edged my way into the crook of his arm. He stretched in his sleep, almost upsetting the IV and constricted his arm tighter around me, sighing contently. I stifled a giggle and snuggled deeper into him. Then I was drifting off into a deep sleep filled with forests and oceans and the open night sky. And a hooded man with glowing red eyes.


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