Dear Diary (Clumsy)

I really thought my clumsiness would have disappeared along with the blood in my veins, and my beating heart. But it didn’t–not completely. I still stumble and trip, and I run into things a lot, too. I’m not perfect like him. Edward carries himself with the grace of an angel, while I am constantly on the verge of tripping over my own feet or smashing my stone-like body into a glass door. Yes, I did that.

Then there’s Alice. She carries herself with so much poise and grace that I often wonder if she’s floating. She’s so tiny, and her movements seem almost motionless. Alice, too, is very shocked that I haven’t become more breezy and poised since being turned. Poise and grace normally come with the change.

I have improved a great deal from my time as a human, of course, but I’m not as effortlessly graceful as the others. It’s all vague to me, but Edward tells me that as a human, I was so clumsy that he genuinely feared for my fragile life.

My outer appearance would suggest that I’m at least slightly graceful, but looks can be deceiving. In comparison to Alice’s elegant, harmonious movements, I’m pretty much a walking immortal accident waiting to happen–which is why Alice decided to devote the entire day to giving me a lesson–or ten–on how to be more ‘chic’, as she likes to call it.

In order to be the part, I had to dress the part. Alice’s words, not mine. For the lesson, Alice made me wear a silk, cream colored, floor-length, empire-waist gown with black lace trim. I didn’t like the dress, but I loved Edward’s reaction when he walked into the room. His sculpted jaw dropped slightly and his butterscotch eyes grew along with his bewildered expression.

Alice cleared up the confusion in a hurry, though. “No Edward, we’re not planning another wedding for you and Bella. You just had your first one not too long ago. I’ll wait a little longer before I start bugging for another wedding.”

Great.

Alice is unstoppable. I’m not fond of large celebrations, but having a second wedding with Edward doesn’t seem like the worst thing that could happen. Maybe one day. Probably soon, if Alice has any say.

Edward’s face retracted back to its perfect normal set, almost. His eyes remained larger than normal, and appeared to be glued to me. I thought he was trying to tell me he wanted to talk to me in private, but he assured me otherwise. “You’re beautiful, Bella. Perfect. And, for the record, I would marry you a hundred times. Alice, don’t change my perfect angel too much, please. I love her the way she is. Clumsiness and all.” He grinned then disappeared into the room with the white piano and started playing a beautiful melody.

Alice yelled after him. “Oh Edward, if immortality wasn’t enough to nix Bella’s clumsiness I’m sure I don’t stand a chance. It’s still fun trying, though.”

I suddenly felt like one of those dolls that comes with a number of different outfits. The ones that come with accessories like fancy pearls and numerous pairs of shoes. I need to make a mental note to pick a few of those dolls up for Alice. Maybe she will lay off me if she has a bunch of dress-up dolls to poke and prod at instead.

First lesson: Graceful Walking.

I have to admit, after a few pointers from Alice, I am actually lighter on my feet. It’s definitely been hard adjusting to my rock-like body. It feels harder and heavier than ever, plus my strength naturally makes me thud when I walk. Alice taught me to be more aware of each movement, to think of each step as walking on delicate, breakable ground. So far, it seems to be working. Emmett hasn’t been calling me “The Vampire Hulk” much lately.

After completing a number of lessons, we were finally on our last: How To Dress Elegantly For Your Body Type.

I didn’t know cold-hard-stone was a body type, but in the end I learned how to pair the right shoes with the proper jeans. Though I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing the heels Alice tried to convince me to wear, I now know that they supposedly elongate your legs, thinning them and adding height and grace to your appearance. Thanks, Alice.

After Alice was done with me, she thought she should get a head start on Renesmee. She’s terrified of Nessie becoming a ‘clumsy fashion faux pas’ once she’s fully grown. Again, her words, not mine. I felt bad for my little Nudger, but she loves being with Aunt Alice. Besides, once I get Alice those dress up dolls, Nessie will be saved. Hopefully.

Edward was back at the cabin by the time Alice finished with me, so I went back to be with him, still in my silk gown. By this time, Alice had put soft ringlets in my hair and a white flower in the crown she braided around my head.

Edward was more than pleased . . . .

Will write again soon.

-Bella.

Dear Diary (Update)

I couldn’t see straight when Carlisle told me that Charlie had flat lined.

He only flat lined for a quarter of a second before Carlisle was able to bring him back, though. Dr. Cullen works wonders. He is the most amazing doctor around, and I am truly so thankful for him.

The bad news? Charlie has an infection where the bullet was lodged. He is taking antibiotics and Carlisle is keeping a very close eye on him.

We all are.

I am so grateful for Sue, too. She has been with Charlie the entire time, never leaving his side. When she thought no one was watching, she would begin to lightly cry while holding his hand.

Charlie sleeps most of the day, in his hospital bed. He has to stay there until the infection clears up. It’s important for him to relax and for his infection to be monitored closely.

I’m so grateful that my Dad is still alive. If he only knew what I did to the people that did this to him. If he only knew what I was. I wish I could tell him. I wish I could tell Charlie that I am his vampire daughter, and that Nessie is his half-vampire, half-human granddaughter. I’m a bad liar, always have been. I think if Charlie were to ever ask me about it, I would be honest. I know that no matter what, he would love me. Besides, Alice had a vision of him finding out in the near future. I know it’s forbidden, but Charlie wouldn’t ever reveal what he knew. Not if he knew it could hinder us in any way.

My Mother, Renee, went back to Phoenix this morning as soon as she found out that Charlie would be okay. She had obligations there, with Phil. During her visit, I avoided her as much as possible. I knew she would notice my changes. I knew she would question me.

And she did. “Bella, your face is somehow more pale than usual. And you look like you’ve been working out a lot. And what’s with your eyes?”

Oh boy.

I really began to appreciate Charlies ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ motto. Basically, I just told Renee that I’d been working out with Edward, and mentioned that we had bigger things – like Charlie – to worry about. She could tell I didn’t want to talk about myself during this tough time, and quickly let it go.

Thankfully.

Edward, Alice and I are due for a hunt soon. We’re going to go out tomorrow once Esme, Nessie and Jake come for their shift at the hospital. We’re all taking shifts, and pretending we have to go home to sleep. We have to try to remember to do human things, and fit in with normal human behavior.

Right now, though, I’m going to grab Nessie and Edward then head over to be with Charlie. Carlisle said his heart rate speeds up when he senses that I’m there. It makes him happy. I will keep you posted on Charlie’s progress, of course.

I have to run now. Edward is giving me that look that somehow instantly melts my granite-like body. The one that tells me he wants to kiss me really bad.

-Bella