New Breaking Dawn Honeymoon Scene Clip!

I could only find a LQ version of this new Breaking Dawn movie honeymoon clip so far, but we’ll post in HQ once we get it!

Jackson Rathbone Talks Bella’s ‘Breaking Dawn’ Makeup: “I Felt Really Bad”

E! Online caught up with Jackson Rathbone at the Teen Vogue Young Hollywood Party where he chatted about Bella’s pregnancy makeup on the Breaking Dawn movie set:

“There was one time when I got to set and she had some kind of makeup on to make her look…really tired,” Jackson Rathbone told us at Teen Vogue‘s Young Hollywood party at Paramount Studios in Hollywood. “I felt really bad. I was like, ‘What happened to her? Is she alright?’ She was like, ‘Dude, come on. It’s makeup.’ I was like, ‘OK cool, because I was really worried.’ Honestly, I was like, she must have had three weekends in Vegas.”

Fortunately, the look didn’t carry over to the big wedding scene with Edward Cullen.

“We had to keep telling ourselves it was fake,” Rathbone said . “We’ve been watching this relationship develop and even though we’re playing the parts and at the end of the day we wash off that white face makeup and peel back the wigs that we’re wearing, when we were there at the wedding scene, all of us felt it. She just walked out, everybody was quiet. Your heart would skip a beat, you get kind of teary-eyed.”

Here’s a video with a short clip of Jackson at the start talking about why it’s good to be young in Hollywood. I love his honesty!

Dear Diary (Part 1: The Ending)

I can’t help but compare my life to the intricately written chapters of a book; chapters written to display the fatal attraction humans will forever have to the forbidden fruit. The attraction we have to the unknown.

To danger.

Humans like to play with fire sometimes – just to see if they’ll get burned.

I feel my story has ventured through the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, but one thing that’s stayed consistent – whether I was human, or a vampire – is my irrevocable love for Edward Cullen; my personal miracle. He was once the forbidden fruit, the danger, and now he’s the sweet apple that rests in the palm of my hands; no longer virulent, no longer fatal.

That’s how I see it.

Edward, on the other hand, still struggles with the thick, unrelenting, haunting thought that he’s robbed me of my soul. My purity. The truth is, if my soul was sacrificed for this immortal life, then I robbed myself of it. To live this way, to die in order to be conscience –frozen – forever with Edward, was my choice.

Everything I’ve done, everything I’ve been through, I’d so it all over again to stay with him for eternity, forever.  To have Renesmee. To be part of this family; to be a Cullen. I would do it all again.

The pain.

The burning.

The sacrifice; it was all worth it.

On Monday March 28th, Edward and I will be heading back to Dartmouth College, like we had planned. I’m worried, but I know I couldn’t hurt anyone. Though it’s my instinct – to hunt, to kill – I know that I couldn’t carry on, for eternity, with the reality that I’d killed someone; taken an innocent human’s life. I did hunt down and kill those criminals who almost robbed Charlie of his life, but I felt that was justified. They were the furthest thing from innocent.

I think about Jasper and how difficult it was for him to resist the sweet–smelling bouquet of human blood back when I had just moved to Forks; how he almost turned me into a snack at the Birthday party that Alice the Cullen’s threw for me. Yet, he attended Forks High School almost every day – except, of course, on those extremely rare days it was actually sunny. He fought his natural instincts to feed on the mass of humans who walked past him or sat near him every day. His face gave away his struggles, yes, but he didn’t kill. He knew he had something good with the Cullens.

A family.

I’ve naturally always had more control than Jasper, so I think I’ll be okay. Besides, I’ll have Edward close by. He’s my constant reminder to practice control, to never slip up. If I did, the Volturi wouldn’t waste a second on my destruction. Leaving this world, leaving Edward, Renesmee, Jake, Alice… everyone I love, could never be worth the satiation of my thirst. It’s what I’ve been telling myself since I was turned. Control is the most important thing if I want to be here, with everyone I love, for this forever of ours.

Charlie went to visit Sue just a few days ago. He wanted to go to Forks, to his old white house, to adjust the heating now that the temperatures have dropped even more. We winterized Charlie’s house already, but we hadn’t anticipated such cold weather and only barely left the heat on enough to prevent the plaster and pipes from freezing. He needed to turn it up slightly to accommodate the new plummeting temperatures.

That was his excuse, anyway.

He let us know he would be seeing Sue before he left Forks. Edward already knew. He told me that Sue had been dominating Charlie’s thoughts since he’d last seen her. He missed her. Charlie knew Sue was angry about what he’d become. She felt as though his decision to be turned stole away any chance they had to form a bond, even a friendship. Sue is, after all, the Mother of two wolves, while Charlie is the Father of one vampire Daughter and a Grandfather to a half–human, half–vampire Granddaughter.

Sue’s loyalty will forever be to Harry Clearwater, her late husband. But Sue’s children – Seth and Leah – are part of our family now, regardless of what they are. We’ve done the impossible: found a way to work together with our mortal enemies. There is no reason for Sue to see it differently. And she is warming up.

When Charlie arrived back in New Hampshire he seemed happier, more animated.

“How was your visit to Forks, Dad?” I asked, mirroring his light, contented expression.

His pale face lit up more. “It was great, Bells. I turned the heat up a bit more to keep the place from freezing over.”

“You see Sue?”

“I did. She’s doing well.” His lips pulled up slightly on both sides, traces of a smile breaking through. “She asked me to say ‘hi’ to you all.”

I smiled. “Dad, I think you should spend more time with Sue. It’s just that we’re all coupled up, you know? I have Edward, Jake has Renesmee, Alice has Jasper… you get the point. I–”

Charlie interrupted me. “I do plan on it Bells. Sue’s special to me and I don’t mind taking my time with her. She’s been through a lot, too, and I don’t want to come on too strong. She has every right to be afraid of me right now. She’s human, after all. You might know a little something about the dangers of human/vampire relationships, I’d assume?”

I rolled my eyes, but Charlie was right. Though he admitted that Sue’s blood wasn’t even remotely appealing to him, Charlie was still a threat. Vampires need blood to survive, and that will never change. Our kind have killed so many innocent humans that it’s hard to understand that, with enough control and willpower, we can be compassionate.

“I have a little experience, yes,” I muttered guiltily, glancing back down at the book I was working on. “And as long as you’re happy, Ch Dad. I’ll always feel guilty about you getting in the middle of this crazy world and becoming this” – I pointed my finger back and fourth between Charlie and I – “all for me. For my life.”

“Bells, you know I chose this. I wasn’t going to bury my Daughter. That’s not how life should be; your kids should be the ones to bury you, not the other way around. I chose this.”

I sucked in a breath and nodded. “Just Be happy, Dad. Always.”

He smiled. “I will, I will. You too. Eternity’s a long time to be anything but.”

Edward walked into the room, his sweet scent trickling through my nose. He just got in from outside where he was building a snow fort with Renesemee and Jacob. I looked out the window when they were about half way done and decided it looked more like a snow mansion. One of the perks of super–human speed and strength.

Charlie nodded. “Edward.”

“Nice to see you’re back Charlie. I hope your time in Forks went well.”

“I’m sure you can hear all about it thanks to your lovely prying abilities,” Charlie joked.

Edward grinned and my eyes froze on his face. I would never get immune to that grin. “I try to stay away from your thoughts, Charlie, but I do catch them unintentionally at times.”

Charlie laughed, a loud booming laugh I didn’t think he was capable of. “It’s you I’m worried about. I must bore you to death with my fishing and sports thoughts. Really though, I like having a son-in-law around who can read people’s intentions. It’s helpful.”

Edward inched a little closer to me then sat down on the arm of my chair and slid his hand around my waist. I arched my back slightly from the contact. Edward still dazzled me; his presence, his beauty, was something I’d never get used to.

“I’m glad you see it that was Mr. Swan,” Edward said in that smooth, velvet voice.

Charlie’s smile retracted as his throat began to burn. “Well, I’ll leave you two be. I have to get some deer into me.” He rubbed his hand over his throat and cringed. “This burning throat is one thing I could do without,” he mumbled to himself as he left the room.

The phone rang just as Charlie reached the kitchen. “I’ll grab it,” he groaned through the fire in his throat.

“Hello?”

I could hear a male on the other end. His voice was choked, but it sounded like Phil. “Is Charlie Swan or Isabella Cullen there please?” he asked.

“This is Charlie, how can I help you?”

The man – I was almost certain it was Phil – cleared his throat. “I’m so sorry Mr. Swan. I– she’s… ” then nothing. He broke down, his voice unable to push the words through his lips.

“Who is this?” Charlie asked, his lips a straight line, his body stiff.

“It…It’s… Phil,” he managed to get out, barely.

Edward and I ran into the kitchen. Alice and Jasper were coming down the stairs while Rosalie and Emmett slipped in through the kitchen door. Esme came down from her room where she had been ironing everyone’s clothes. Carlisle rushed down the stairs from his study. I heard the front door open and didn’t need to turn around to know it was Jake and Renesmee.

Alice came to my side, her eyes narrowed in on me. “I’m so sorry Bella.”

“What!?” I shouted, moving myself into the comfort of denial. “What are you sorry about? He hasn’t said anything yet, he can’t get it out.”

I felt something in my stomach twist and I froze.

I felt hallow.

Numb.

Afraid.

Everyone was looking at me, their mouths turned down, like frowning statues. Edward was holding me tightly around the waist, his expression distraught, his liquid gold eyes saying more than words ever could.

I knew I’d have to deal with losing people I loved. I knew I’d have to say goodbye to every human I knew, every human I met, but I wasn’t ready.

It was too soon.

Charlie stood frozen, the receiver almost crushing in his hand.

I grabbed the phone. “Hello? Phil? It’s Bella. You there still?”

He took a deep breath that quivered through his throat. He sounded like he was gasping for air. “Hi Bella, it’s Phil. I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry,” he cried into the receiver.

“WHAT, Phil?” My voice boomed louder than it ever had in my life. My eyes flickered to Renesmee who looked terrified. I mouthed the words ‘I’m sorry’ at her, then lowered my voice. Jake took Renesmee in his arms and she buried her head in his chest.

“Phil, is my Mother okay? Please Phil, please tell me what happened.”

“She’s gone, Bella. I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry…”

I didn’t hear anything else.

I saw faces, statues. Beautiful statues surrounding me. Their voices sounded like humming; beautiful, peaceful humming. I looked out the window in the kitchen door and saw the icy snow dripping from the branches of the trees. I could see each tiny droplet of ice melt and detach itself from the rest then glide to the ground where it was met by a blanket of sparkly, white snow.

More humming.

The statues were so beautiful. Everyone looked perfect. Their faces perfectly symmetrical. Their voices like velvet; smooth, soft velvet. One of the statues took the receiver from my hand and it made me mad for a second, then I looked at the most beautiful one, the statue  standing next to me – the one with the bronze hair – and my anger dissipated. Just like the snow on the branches, it trickled away.

My eyes darted to the faucet. Water was slowly dripping from the tap.

Drip.

Drip.

Why was everything in the distance so clear to me, so vibrant, but everything up close was confusing?

My lips pulled back over my teeth and my hands balled in to fists. From the corner of my eye I saw a girl, she was young and the most beautiful of all the female statues surrounding me. She help hands with a boy; he was different. Something was off about him. I blinked hard and his eyes widened.

He was afraid. Of little ol’ me?

His fear enticed me, though.

I had control.

Things weren’t out of my control because I had control nestled right in the palm of my hand.

He pushed the beautiful statuesque girl behind him, protecting her. I didn’t want to hurt the girl though.

I wanted him…

The statues hummed at me some more. I couldn’t make out what they were saying, though. Too many of them were talking at once and so fast… it wasn’t normal.

My eyes scanned everyone’s face once more then landed again on the boy, the one who seemed different from the rest. I froze in a crouch and let out a malicious hiss. Two hands grabbed me on either side of my cheeks and I was brought face–to–face with the beautiful statue with the bronze hair. I focused just on him. I watched his lips and tried to make out what he was saying. His buttery golden eyes soothed me.

“Bella, it’s okay. We’re all here for you. It’s okay. You’re angry, you’re hurt. This is your first loss and you have the strength to hurt people, so please Bella, stay with me. I love you.”

He paused, then said something through his teeth –that wasn’t directed at me – without removing his eyes from mine. “Jake, take Renesmee and run with her. As fast and as far as you can. GO!”

I heard the door slam. I felt angry. I felt like if I just used my energy, the strength that surged through my body, that I’d feel better. But the statue’s words began to echo through my head: “This is your first loss and you have the strength to hurt people, so please Bella, stay with me. I love you.”

They repeated: “This is your first loss and you have the strength to hurt people, so please Bella, stay with me. I love you.”

Then, just the ending: “I love you.” “I love you.” “I love you.”

My body loosened up. I stood straight up and opened up my fists. I didn’t remove my eyes from Edward’s.

Edward.

-Bella

…To Be Continued

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Dear Diary ( A Familiar Face)

Seth didn’t stay long. In fact, none of us did. We’re all in Forks, Washington right now – except for Carlisle, Esme and Renesmee. They’re still in New Hampshire. We have been here for a while. I was more than excited about Seth’s visit, we all were,  but we weren’t overly enthused about the news he brought with him.

Seth can’t fake that huge, happy grin. I knew almost immediately that he was hiding something. He was worried. His eyes gave it away. They were obscure and overshadowed the innocent smile he was trying to fake. I saw the same dark concern clouding Jake’s eyes, too. His usual sunny face was becoming more of a dark, ebony sky. I was worried, but didn’t want to cross-examine them as soon as they got there.

I waited for Edward to come home. I figured he would just listen in on Seth and Jacob’s thoughts and tell me what was bothering them if they didn’t speak up themselves. Edward and Jasper returned from hunting about twenty minutes after Seth and Jacob got to New Hampshire, to our over sized house, fit for a family of thirty. Edward and Jasper were testing out a brand new hunting spot they found, about a fifteen minute run north of our usual spot. Apparently it is more discrete, no trails, and has an ample supply of deer.

Immediately after welcoming Jacob and Seth, Edwards eyes grew cold, his eyebrows knitting together. I was anticipating this. For once, I was one step ahead of Edward. Now, I just had to wait. Being immortal doesn’t mean I don’t ever get impatient. Believe me, I do. The twenty minutes I had been waiting for Edward seemed… well, longer than twenty minutes. I get impatient when I’m worried.

“I can’t stay long, unfortunately. I have to get back to La Push. There is something I need to tell all of you, though.” Seth’s eyes lingered on me longer than anyone else. He took in a full breath before continuing. “After you all left Forks, we stopped transforming pretty much right away. Recently, however, we’ve gotten ourselves a little visitor. We haven’t seen the vampire yet, but we’ve caught their scent and have been shape-shifting again. There have been three reported deaths due to ‘animal attacks’ in the past week.” His tone edged towards anger.

‘Animal attacks.’ Those two words brought back vague, yet haunting memories from my human life. When I was like all the others, believing that there really were vicious animals in Forks. That it was animals who killed Charlie’s friend, Waylon Forge. Whoever it is doesn’t seem concerned about the Volturi. If anyone else is killed, the town will become increasingly suspicious of these so called animal attacks.

Jake kept his eyes fixated on Renesmee. He didn’t want to be apart from her, that I knew. I didn’t know that he had something to tell me though, until Edward gave it away. “Jake, are you going to tell her, or should I?” Edward spoke grimly.

“I’d prefer it if you told her. I’m not good at this kind of thing. You have more experience than I do.” Jacob’s expression was submissive.

My eyes flickered nervously between Edward and Jacob, my patience tapering off with each passing second. “Will someone just tell me. I can handle it. Whatever it is couldn’t surprise me anymore than everything else I’ve witnessed in my short lifetime.” My lips involuntarily pulled down into a frown as I anticipated the worst.

“Mike Newton was one of the humans who was attacked in Forks, Bella. I’m sorry. I know he was a friend of yours since you moved to Forks. He was home for the Christmas holidays and picked up a few shifts at his families store,” Edward lowered his voice with each sentence. “He was closing the store alone, and…”

“He never made it back home.” I finished Edward’s sentence. It took me a few minutes to take everything in. My mind flickered to the memories I still had of Mike, tucked away in the back of my head. His smile. His innocent baby face. His many attempts to get me to date him. I thought about Jessica, too. This wont be easy for her. Me, well… I’m going to have to get used to this type of thing now. This is the life I’ve chosen.

Now that I am different, cold, immortal, death will have to become something routine for me. Something I will deal with constantly. I knew that before I was turned. It’s not like I woke up one day and thought ‘I think I’ll get Edward to turn me into a vampire for the fun of it.’ I knew the reality of it. The bad parts, and the good. I didn’t react to what Edward just told me, and I could see the confusion dominating everyone’s expressions. The truth is, I didn’t know exactly how to outlet my feelings. As a human, you just cry. It’s easy. Now, I just feel angry when I’m upset. Confused.

“Well, we aren’t going to let you go back alone. If there is a vampire in Forks, I think Charlie and I would be of use. We’re both still very strong. I want to help.” I bit my lower lip, catching Nessie’s worried expression out of the corner of my eye. She just heard Edward say that Mike was killed by this vampire, and here I was offering myself up on a silver platter. I don’t even know what we are facing. It could be an army of vampires. Newborns. Strong, vicious newborns. I reconsidered. Not out of fear for myself, but for Renesmee. If Jacob is gone to La Push, it’s just not fair for me to leave too.

Turns out, I didn’t have a choice. I had to go. Jacob had more to tell me, but he couldn’t say it in front of Nessie. He casually asked me to follow him up the winding staircase, keeping a fake smile plastered on his face, so Renesmee wouldn’t sense anything. Edward followed, his porcelain hand brushed the small of my back as we quickly ran up the stairs. Edward already knew what Jacob was going to tell me, of course.

Without wasting even a second, Jake closed the door to Carlisle’s office and began. “This vampire is after you for some reason Bella. We are almost certain there is only one. We found footsteps in the snow all around your cabin in Forks. The window was left open, too. They have been inside. At this point, we believe the only way to lure whoever it is out of hiding, is if you were in Forks.” Jake’s voice was filled with certainty.

I wasn’t afraid. I had no choice. If whoever was after me came at me blindsided I would stand less of a chance, so I might as well face this head on, and destroy whoever is after me. I couldn’t figure out why someone would be out to get me, though. I haven’t broken any rules – well, nothing I haven’t already suffered for. Edward was just as confused as me, and he refused to let me go back to Forks without him.

“Esme, Rosalie, Carlisle… I’m sure someone can stay back and watch Renesmee. She is safe here in New Hampshire. I can’t let you go alone, Bella. I wont. I will be able to read their mind and we will be at a great advantage. Alice needs to come, too. She can help us figure out what path the attacker is on.” Edward was already half way back down the stairs before he finished his sentence. He was right, he needed to be there. We needed to be able to read the attackers mind and figure out what they were really after, and why.

Carlisle and Esme stayed back in New Hampshire with Renesmee. I hated leaving her, but I couldn’t let whoever was after me trace my scent to New Hampshire, putting Nessie in direct danger. I had to go to them.

As soon as we got back to Forks, Edward, Charlie and I went directly to our cabin, while Seth and Jacob headed back to La Push to check in with Leah to see if she had seen anything new. Rosalie, Emmett, Alice & Jasper went back to the big white Cullen house to see if anyone had been there.

Jake was right. The attacker was after me. The clothes that were left  in my closet were now laying sloppily on the floor, while Edwards remained perfectly untouched. I took in a deep, but unnecessary breath. I knew this vampire wasn’t afraid. I couldn’t perfectly decipher my emotions, but I knew I wasn’t afraid, either. More anxious. Curious, maybe. I’m a predator now. I no longer feel fear the same way I used to.

I heard the crackle of sticks outside of the cabin and figured Jake, Paul and Leah were coming by to make sure everything was okay. Edward crouched low, as if he were ready to spring, and his upper lip pulled over his teeth as he let out a loud hiss. Instinctively, I went into the same position. I could see that there was no time for Edward to elaborate on what he had heard, and I sprung through the door after him, Charlie following right after me.

She stood there, cat-like, with her brilliant red hair blowing in the cold winter wind. Her teeth were exposed and she was in a crouch. She was barefoot. My eyes darted down at her shirt. It was my shirt. She was wearing my clothing and this angered me even more. Her eyes were bright red and I couldn’t help but think of the life draining from Mike’s innocent face between her deadly grip. I let out a loud growl that echoed through the forest. I could hear the wolves running, their paws racing towards us.

It wasn’t her, though… that I knew.

-Bella

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Dear Diary (Elizabeth Masen)

“You must do everything in your power. What others cannot do, that is what you must do for my Edward.” -Elizabeth Masen

Edward pulled two tickets out of his coat pocket with an unusually questionable grin on his face. I hadn’t seen this expression before. His eyes were bigger than normal, and black. I could see that he needed to hunt. His head tilted slightly downwards, and while one side of his lips curled up, somehow the other side seemed to curl down. Edward looked as though he didn’t know if he wanted to smile, or frown.

“Are those plane tickets?” It sounded more eager out loud than it did in my head.

Edward shifted his dark gaze down at the two tickets he held between his long, porcelain-like fingers, his body stiff, statuesque. His smooth lips looked flat now, and his eyebrows knitted together like they always do when he’s thinking of the right thing to say.

“Yes. One is for you, of course, Bella.” He reached his hand out and handed me one of the tickets, watching me intently. “I would like for you to take a trip to Chicago with me, if that’s okay.”

Edward reminded me of a boy asking a girl to be his date for a school dance. I thought about it for half a second – not because I didn’t want to go, but because I was waiting for the catch. I could tell by Edward’s expression that there was more than just taking a trip to Chicago involved.

“Well, you already got the plane tickets…” I bit my lower lip, stalling, in hopes that he would interrupt and give me a little more information. He didn’t. Instead he grinned, a more familiar looking grin this time, then placed his ticket back in his pocket and mumbled a quick “great, we leave soon.”

Our flight was in almost exactly three hours, and although Edward didn’t give me many details, he did let me know that I wouldn’t need to pack anything. It was Christmas Eve, and we would be back by early Christmas morning to celebrate with Nessie and the rest of our family. The Denali’s were expected to come by during the evening on Christmas, too.

I went hunting with Edward before we left. My eyes were starting to darken, like Edward’s, and my throat was turning into a dry, blistering fire every time I caught even the slightest scent of  warm, sweet smelling human blood. We were going to be on an airplane, too, and that is the last place thirsty vampires want to be.  Accidents do happen.

The flight was short, just over an hour and a half, but seemed much quicker than that. Edward and I got caught up in a debate about Romeo and Juliet. He gets short with me when I compare our relationship to Romeo and Juliet’s. He doesn’t like being compared to “fickle” Romeo. I get that. But our relationship as a whole does have a few similarities.

Romeo attends the ball at the Capulet house in hopes of meeting Rosaline, but meets and falls in love with Juliet. Edward was supposed to be with Rosalie – and that didn’t work out, for obvious reasons. He then eventually met and fell in love with me.

During the”balcony scene,” Romeo sneaks into the Capulet courtyard and overhears Juliet vowing her love to him, despite the fact that their families are feuding. Edward used to surreptitiously watch me sleep  – and overheard me say his name as I dreamt of him.

Paris is like my Jacob. He tried to woo and attract Juliet – similar to how Jacob tried to attract me. I of course, picked Edward, despite our differences and the fact that our love was almost forbidden… dangerous.

I couldn’t leave out how Romeo thought Juliet was dead, and killed himself – just like Edward was about to have himself killed when he thought that “arranging a funeral” meant my funeral. He thought I was dead and was about to have himself destroyed.

I could have debated for hours with Edward, but he’s stubborn, and unwilling to be compared to Romeo, who he believes thoroughly destroyed his own happiness by making countless mistakes.

Right before the plane landed, Edward looked at me with his beautiful golden eyes, and concluded our debate with words so smooth they stopped my train of thought completely. “Besides, Romeo and Juliet had a tragic ending. You and I are for forever. Eternity. There will be no tragedy, no ending. Romeo lost his Juliet, but I’ll never lose my Bella.” He looked down at me, lovingly and reiterated the word ‘never‘ in a factual tone.

I wondered for a second if a vampires cold, granite-like body could turn to mush and melt into the seat? I had to look down to make sure my body was intact – thanks to Edward and his ability to send my mind into a complete haze, and make my body feel like melting snow.

When we got off the plane, we picked up the rental car- which surprisingly wasn’t fancy, shiny or insanely expensive. It looked like the type of car you would see a busy Mother driving her children to soccer practice in. I laughed to myself at the image of Edward behind the wheel of such a effeminate car.

We didn’t drive far, just outside the city limits on the north side of Chicago. Edward parked the car and we ran for a short time until we reached the most gorgeous cemetery I have ever seen. It was huge, and full of architectural masterpieces. The cemeteries I have seen were usually row after row of tomb stones, some larger than others – but these were capacious monuments.

Edward took my hand and we slowly, almost glidingly walked over the perfectly landscaped grass. I knew exactly where we were, and what we were doing here, and I didn’t know what emotion to feel. I wasn’t sure how Edward felt, either. Mind reading would have come in handy right about now.

When we reached the gravestone of Elizabeth Masen, I felt honored to be this close to the woman who created the love of my life. And the woman responsible for demanding that Carlisle save him.

My memory is vague, but I do recall certain parts of Carlisle’s story. Elizabeth demanded that he do everything in his power to save Edward during the 1918 Spanish influenza pandemic. He described her eyes as “hard, like stones, like emeralds.” Carlisle believes that Elizabeth knew that he was different, somehow. Edward’s life was slipping away with each tick of the clock, but because of his Mother’s demand, he was here with me. Standing beside me, looking down at the ground of her grave.

“I haven’t been here in a while.” Edward began, his face now expressionless. “I wanted you to come with me, so I could have the chance to introduce you to my Mother in the best way I can. I have never been more grateful for her telling Carlisle to save me than I am now. Because of her, I get to live an eternity with you, Bella. I get to be happy every day. The type of happiness that will never end.” His eyes darted back towards the beautiful gravestone.

I thanked Edward, countless times, for bringing me somewhere that meant so much to him. For letting me have the chance to get so close to a part of his life from before he became an immortal. He doesn’t remember Elizabeth very well, but he will forever have a connection to her. Although he may have resented the fact that he never got to make the choice, to be turned, he is now gratified.

We didn’t stay long. It was just long enough to pay our respects. I left the cemetery feeling closer to Edward than I ever thought possible. Honored. Maybe even a little shocked. I didn’t see this coming. He really did surprise me this time.

The next day was Christmas and we couldn’t wait to give Nessie her present. Edward picked it out. It wasn’t something she could actually use, but Edward didn’t care, he couldn’t wait to buy his daughter her first car. Although the 2011 Mercedes-Benz E-Class Cabriolet isn’t available to buy until May, 2010, Edward worked his magic and got one in ‘frosty blue’ for Renesmee. Her eyes lit up…. with confusion. She loved the color, and the fact that it was sparkly, but in her sweet, soft voice she whispered “I can’t use this. I don’t have a license Daddy.” Luckily I stocked up on real presents. Things she can actually use. And Alice, of course, got her a lot of pretty things to wear.

We all called Jacob, who was in La Push with his family, and wished them all a Merry Christmas. We wanted Jake to know that even though he was gone for the day, we were still thinking of him.

The Denali’s were fun. They adore Nessie, and although it’s gross for me to think about, Tanya had fun flirting with Charlie. They got along really well, and it’s great to see Charlie’s face light up. After all, he is a terminal bachelor… famous ladies man.

Tanya remembered Charlie from the wedding, and of course asked about his change. He told her the entire story and she nearly melted when he explained that he became a vampire to save me. Great. Now he’s using the story of how he became a vampire to save his vampire daughter from being killed by a coven of vampires to impress women. Vampire women. I still believe that there are things about my new life that I will never get used to.

I have to go for now, Seth is visiting and I want to spend as much time as possible with him before he goes back to La Push. I will write again soon, like I always do.

-Bella

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Dear Diary (Vampire Snowball Fights)

The things I abhorred the most when I was a human, are the things I seem to miss the most now that I’m an immortal, a vampire. Oddly, I miss the feeling of snowflakes melting against my warm cheeks. I miss feeling my face go entirely numb from the sharp, frosty wind. When I first moved to Forks I wanted to move right back out  because of the constant cold, and the lack of sunlight . I undoubtedly miss the contrast in temperature between mine and Edward’s skin, too.

Edward used to feel so cold to me, so icy. His body felt hard, like granite. It’s different when we touch now. Not bad, but different. I know there are things that Edward misses about me being human, too. I am selfish to think that the changes have only impacted me. I’m also feel selfish for wanting this life so badly, for forcing Edward to turn me, then having the nerve to miss parts of being how I used to be. Being human. I pretty much begged Edward to turn me, so I can learn to deal with the fact that for as long as I exist, I will never be human again.

Thankfully a lot of things are extremely vague. I have forgotten a lot about the people and events that were not that important to me, but I do still remember the things that really mattered. It’s almost like I have snap shots in my head, permanently, but they are partially unclear. Blurry. Almost as though whoever took the photos moved the camera too fast, making the photo cloudy. But I can still see them. I do still remember what Edward’s ice cold hand felt like in my warm, often clammy hand. I remember making up my mind that I was going to be with Edward, for forever, no matter what it took. My transformation did not blur any of the feelings I felt for Edward – if anything, they just got more intense, more clear.

It’s almost Christmas time, and the Cullen’s are going all out to make sure Charlie, Renesmee, Jacob and I have the time of our lives. Alice decorated the entire house, with a little bit of help  from the rest of us. Alice is picky, though. Everything has to be done perfectly, so we only help when she asks for it. Emmett, Charlie and Jasper strung the lights all around the house. Alice almost forgot that it might look odd if she was on the icy, cold roof herself, stringing the lights despite the fact that we have a house full of men, or… I guess you could call them manpires. No need to draw attention to ourselves.

Carlisle and Esme have invited the Denali’s over to celebrate Christmas. They accepted the invite and are anxious to meet Charlie. It should be interesting trying to explain Charlie’s perpetually, almost eerie crimson eye color – unless, of course, he chooses to wear his contacts. Come to think of it, he probably will. He seems to get somewhat embarrassed by the color of his eyes. After all, they are similar to the color of a non-vegetarian’s eyes, only more disturbing.

Jacob and Renesmee have gotten closer than ever in the past few weeks. Their relationship is changing, maturing. Edward is pleased to see that Jacob’s thoughts about his future with Nessie are still completely pure. Although Renesmee is only three years old, she has the mind and body of a ten year old, so it is inevitable that her relationship with Jacob is maturing. They spend more time laughing and joking with each other and enjoy a lot of the same things. Jacob no longer reads to Nessie before she falls asleep. Instead, they stay awake and joke until she drifts off, then Jacob heads out back to his home to sleep.

One of Renesmee’s favorite things in the entire world is snow. We have had heaps of snow fall so far here and her and Jake spend hours outside every day playing in it. It’s funny to watch Renesmee so effortlessly beat Jake when they have snowball fights. He can be a sore loser sometimes. It’s especially funny when Jacob claims he ‘let her win’ because she’s a girl. Sure, Jake.

If you have ever wondered what a vampire snowball fight is like, I can tell you one thing – you’re missing out. I had my first vampire snowball fight a week ago. Due to the lack of snow in our usual clearing, the one we use for baseball, we had to scout out a new field. We ended up finding a perfect spot just outside of Hanover. Similar to the clearing where we play baseball, this field was sheltered by trees. There was a small, gravel road in the distance, so we did have to be a little more careful.

The most fun part about a vampire snowball fight is that the snowballs get thrown with such intense speed that they usually disintegrate before they reach their target – if you’re fast enough that is. The biggest competition usually ends up being between Edward and Emmett because Edward is fast, really fast – but Emmett is strong and can throw hard. I would say that Edward ended up getting hit about half time time. There is no winning and losing in a vampire style snowball fight, though. No one is keeping score.

The game ended a lot sooner than I thought it would have. We ended up using all the snow quite fast, leaving the field completely bare. I hope no one decided to visit the mysterious, snowless field after we were done. That would be just great. Our family moves into town and suddenly all the snow in random large fields goes missing. I wonder what everyone’s theory about us would be.

As excited as I am about our snowball fights, I am more excited about what Edward has planned for Christmas Eve. He told me that we are doing something special, alone, the day before Christmas. I don’t get as worried about surprises as I used to – not when they’re from Edward. I still don’t like when people make a fuss over me, but Edward has a way of making me feel as though he is somehow benefiting from the surprise too. He tells me all the time that his happiness comes entirely from seeing me smile. Seeing me happy. I let Edward in my head often to show him what, exactly, his smile does to me. Lets just say he knows the feeling is mutual. My happiness heavily relies on seeing Edward smile and knowing, that somehow, I’ve made his life better.

Jacob is going back to La Push for Christmas day to be with Billy and the rest of his family, but will be returning as soon as the Denali’s leave New Hampshire. He plans to bring Seth back home with him for a visit, too. I look forward to seeing Seth. He’s a great kid and I will be forever grateful for all of his help. I do plan to take a trip to La Push to visit everyone soon, too.

La Push was pretty much my second home when Edward left. Again, the memories are vague, but even thinking of that time, when Edward left, it makes me want to grab onto him and hold him so tight and never let him go. I know that he would never leave again. I’m no longer breakable to him, fragile. But I can’t help feeling hollow when I think back to when he was gone.

I have to go for now. Rosalie, Alice, Esme and I are going Christmas shopping for Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle and Edward. What do you get for the people who have, or could have anything they want?

I also want to say Happy Holidays to all those who celebrate from all of the Cullens! We hope you all have a safe and happy holiday season.

-Bella

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Dear Diary (Forever A Cullen)

IMPORTANT: Before I start this entry I want to make a quick note. Entries are, and never were posted at a set time. That said, I am writing my own book now, and will only be producing entries about once per month from now on. I need to focus on my characters, and that is hard to do when I am becoming ‘Bella’ every week. Also, writing is something that unless you’re truly 100% inspired, it can come across as flat – and to be honest, the entries are becoming somewhat ‘flat’ because I’m writing as if there’s some deadline (because if an entry isn’t posted on an exact date & time, I get hundreds of “where is the new entry” emails). I want to write for the love of writing, and not because I feel forced to ‘hurry up and make a new entry.’ It’s no fun that way. BUT, I will still write monthly (sometimes more if I’m inspired), and I promise to create a great book for you all and post sneak peeks on the site!

Thank you all for your support and encouragement! Bella’s Diary has the best group of Twi-Fans visiting it on earth! Be sure to come back daily for your news and movie fix!

Enjoy your entry:

Dear Diary,

Charlie’s brand new Cullen crest is in the form of a ring, similar to Carlisle’s, yet different enough to be able to tell them apart. I think, somehow, the ring makes Charlie feel more whole. This entire change, and introduction into a world of mythical creatures has taken it’s toll on him, it left him trying to find his place, forever, in this world. I know he wonders what he’s going to do with himself for so long. He worries about finding someone to spend eternity with. Edward tells me, of course. He tries to stay out of Charlie’s head as much as he can, but sometimes, I ask him to check in to make sure everything is okay. Especially when Charlie is being quiet.

A sense of belonging washed over Charlie’s face when he opened the box that held his ring. His bright red eyes seemed warmer, despite their eerie color. One side of his mouth curled up as he examined the ring before putting it on and I could tell he way happy, peaceful. He had been alone for so long, and now, he’s surrounded by a family who will always be there for him. He will never have to be lonely, and he knows that.

For Renesmee, it made the most sense to get her a bracelet, just in case one day someone wants to add something to it. Her link clasp bracelet is 18k white gold, and glistens like an icicle against her pale skin. We discovered that she really loves the snow, so along with her Cullen crest charm, Edward got her a snowflake charm with round brilliant diamonds on just the tips of the snowflake. The bracelet is sweet and subtle. Perfect for her age.

If you asked me if we should give Jacob a Cullen crest of some sort, I wouldn’t even have to think about it. Yes. I would give him one in a heart beat. It’s not up to me, though. I haven’t been part of this family for nearly as long as the rest of the Cullen’s, and I wouldn’t ever want to offend them. They have a lot of pride in how they live, and I understand that. It’s difficult, living the way we do, as ‘vegetarians,’ always fighting an intense urge to tear peoples limbs apart and have them as a snack.

Jake hasn’t ever had to feel the moral struggle. The burning, blazing fire in his throat reminding him of how easily he could tear up any human and drain their sweet smelling blood without wasting even the smallest drop. He struggles with what he is, too, but it’s different, less of a moral struggle.

I kept my thoughts to myself and let the Cullen’s deliberate for as long as they needed to. When I suggested we include Jacob, Carlisle didn’t seem shocked, in fact his face was blank, almost as though he had been expecting my proposal. I asked nicely – actually, it was more of a suggestion.

When Carlisle asked me to come into his office, I bit my lower lip, anticipating the worst. Although it’s not my decision, I really hoped, for Jake’s sake, that they agreed to officially make him part of the family. I told myself not to show my disappointment if they decided against giving Jacob a Cullen crest. I wouldn’t want them to feel bad for their decision.

When I walked into the office Carlisle was standing over his desk looking down, his statuesque body still, motionless. He didn’t look up at me, he just grabbed a black box off the desk and started speaking, still not making eye contact with me. “Jacob, well… when he transforms into a wolf, all of his belongings get shredded. Esme and I picked out this Cullen crest charm for him to attach to the string he keeps around his ankle, that way it will stay with him.” He finally looked up and smiled, twisting the box in my direction to show me the charm.

It was perfect. The hook was large and durable looking. And the crest itself, it had more of a warm, golden color over it – almost as though someone painted gold flecks onto it. I picked it up out of the box and noticed it was a lot heavier than everyone else’s. Jake would need something stronger, something that would stay together, even after a long trek through the woods.

Edward came into the office as I was looking over the crest, examining every little detail. His half grin made him look conflicted, and he probably was. Edward can’t help but find it somewhat unusual that a werewolf has become such a prominent part of this family full of vampires. He trusts Jacob, but he worries, too. He worries about what could happen if Renesmee decides one day that she doesn’t want Jake around. Or, if she decides to have a relationship with a different boy when she’s older. I worry about that too. I don’t want Jake to get hurt anymore. I think I did a good enough job of that myself.

For now, we are just taking everything day by day. But while Jacob is here, and while he’s making Nessie so happy every day – we all consider him part of the Cullen family. Rosalie might not be completely sold, but, well… we don’t  exactly expect her to be the most cooperative to begin with.

We all filed into Jacob’s little house in the back, and I kept the small, black box hidden to my side. Carlisle spoke up first and let Jake know how much we all appreciate his presence in our lives. One by one we all told Jacob how appreciative we were and I think it confused him. While Alice was talking, Edward mumbled something under his breath about Jake’s thoughts. “He thinks we’re buttering him up to let him down softly. He thinks Carlisle and the rest of us have decided not to give him the crest.” Edward smiled and it seemed to light up the tiny living room we were all crammed into.

Finally it was my turn to talk and the worlds seemed to flow boundlessly from my mouth. I covered everything I could remember about my human life, and of course, everything we’ve been through together since. I love Jacob, and he knows that. It’s not the kind of love you feel when you want to be with someone, it’s the kind of love you feel when you know you always want that person in your life.

After too much talking, I finally uncovered the black box I had been hiding to my side, wedged between Edward’s body, and mine, then tossed it over to Jacob.”It’s from all of us.” I couldn’t hide the excitement in my voice. I scanned the room quickly to catch everyone else’s expressions and noticed even Rosalie smiling.

Jacob popped the lid up effortlessly and his eyes grew about twice their normal size when he saw what was inside. Time goes by quickly when you’re an immortal, but somehow, it seemed to take forever before Jacob finally said something. We all waited, without interrupting, for him to talk, but nothing. He just stared down at the charm in the box with his now gigantic eyes. Finally, Renesmee went over to him and sat down next to him, looking up with the most angelic smile I’ve ever seen.

Nessie brought Jacob out of his moment of silence and as he snapped the box back shut, he let us know exactly what he was thinking. “I love it. I really do. I had to think for a minute, about what the rest of the my family would think. I still have to consider them, a little. But I guess after leaving them to move with a bunch of vampires, nothing else could really shock them anyway. Thanks everyone.” Jake looked over at Edward and added a little jab before concluding. “Since I imprinted on your daughter, I guess I’ll be a permanent fixture in this family anyways.” His smile was warm, contrasting with Edward’s now stiff, expressionless face.

Edward still heard nothing but pure thoughts in Jake’s head, so he knows he doesn’t have to worry. Nessie is getting a lot taller now, and her features are maturing a lot, but Jacob still knows he has to wait until she is fully mature before he even thinks about seeing her as anything different. His intentions are pure, he doesn’t need to be reminded and Edward and I like it that way.

Once we were back in the Cullen house, Carlisle explained to me that he didn’t have to think twice about giving Jacob a crest. His concern wasn’t ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ it was what they would get him that would be durable enough for Jake’s… lifestyle. I am so blown away by the Cullen’s ability to be so accepting. Alice made a good point, too. “He doesn’t eat humans, so he’s more than welcome in this family.” Her eye lashes flitted and she danced into the next room with Jasper. She does make a good point, though. Jacob isn’t harming humans. In fact no one from his family is harming humans, they’re saving them.

Nothing feels different. It’s not like now that everyone has their Cullen crest some sort of huge change has occurred. But the family does feel more whole. The crest symbolized devotion to this family, to the ‘vegetarian’ way of life, and I feel like now, we all have something to show for our continued restraint. It feels good.

-Bella

Thank you to Debbie. D for the inspiration behind the crests!

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Another Great Bella Cullen (aka vampire Bella) Manip’!

AmusedViews on Twitter Tweeted me this – and I love it! I posted a couple of red-eyed Bella Cullen Manips, so here is one after her eyes become golden.

XO

Another great ‘Breaking Dawn’ Bella Manip!

You might remember me posting a manipulation a couple of days ago of vampire Bella – and if not you can check it out HERE! Well, a BellasDiary.Com reader named Sarah saw it and wanted to try another one using a different photo. I think she did an amazing job!!! Seeing all the great manips gets me soooo excited to see Bella as a vampire

What about you guys? Are you more excited for the Eclipse movie or the Breaking Dawn movie? Let me know via my Twitter HERE!

Thank you so much for sending this in Sarah. You did a wonderful job!!

Twi-Talent:Vampire Bella Manip! So Good!!!!

This is definitely one of my favorite Bella Cullen manipulations! The porcelain skin and dark around the eyes are perfect! This is just awesome and gets me anxious for Breaking Dawn

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