Dear Diary (Elizabeth Masen)

“You must do everything in your power. What others cannot do, that is what you must do for my Edward.” -Elizabeth Masen

Edward pulled two tickets out of his coat pocket with an unusually questionable grin on his face. I hadn’t seen this expression before. His eyes were bigger than normal, and black. I could see that he needed to hunt. His head tilted slightly downwards, and while one side of his lips curled up, the other side seemed to curl down. Edward looked as though he didn’t know if he wanted to smile, or frown.

“Are those plane tickets?” It sounded more eager out loud than it did in my head.

Edward shifted his dark gaze down at the two tickets he held between his long, porcelain-like fingers, his body stiff, statuesque. His smooth lips looked flat now, and his eyebrows knitted together like they always do when he’s thinking of the right thing to say.

“Yes. One is for you, of course, Bella.” He reached his hand out and handed me one of the tickets, watching me intently. “I would like for you to take a trip to Chicago with me, if that’s okay.”

Edward reminded me of a boy asking a girl to be his date for a school dance. I thought about it for half a second—not because I didn’t want to go, but because I was waiting for the catch. I could tell by Edward’s expression that there was more than just taking a trip to Chicago involved.

“Well, you already got the plane tickets . . .” I bit my lower lip, stalling, in hopes that he would interrupt and give me a little more information. He didn’t. Instead he grinned, a more familiar looking grin this time, then placed his ticket back in his pocket and mumbled a quick, “Great. We leave soon.”

Our flight was in almost exactly three hours, and although Edward didn’t give me many details, he did let me know that I wouldn’t need to pack anything. It was Christmas Eve, and we would be back by early Christmas morning to celebrate with Renesmee and the rest of our family. The Denali’s were expected to come by during the evening on Christmas, too.

I went hunting with Edward before we left. My eyes were starting to darken, like Edward’s, and my throat was turning into a dry, blistering, fire every time I caught even the slightest scent of  warm, sweet-smelling human blood. We were going to be on an airplane, too, and that is the last place thirsty vampires want to be.  Accidents do happen.

The flight was short, just over an hour and a half, but seemed much quicker than that. Edward and I got caught up in a debate about Romeo and Juliet. He gets short with me when I compare our relationship to Romeo and Juliet. He doesn’t like being compared to “fickle” Romeo. I get that. But our relationship as a whole does have a few similarities.

Romeo attends the ball at the Capulet house in hopes of meeting Rosaline, but meets and falls in love with Juliet. Edward was supposed to be with Rosalie—and that didn’t work out, for obvious reasons. He then eventually met and fell in love with me.

During the “balcony scene” Romeo sneaks into the Capulet courtyard and overhears Juliet vowing her love to him, despite the fact that their families are feuding. Edward used to surreptitiously watch me sleep–and overheard me say his name as I dreamt of him.

Paris is like my Jacob; he tried to woo and attract Juliet—similar to how Jacob tried to attract me. Of course, I picked Edward, despite our differences and the fact that our love was almost forbidden . . . dangerous.

I couldn’t leave out how Romeo thought Juliet was dead, and killed himself—just like Edward was about to have himself killed when he thought that “arranging a funeral” meant my funeral. He thought I was dead and was about to have himself destroyed.

I could have debated for hours with Edward, but he’s stubborn, and unwilling to be compared to Romeo, who he believes thoroughly destroyed his own happiness by making countless mistakes.

Right before the plane landed, Edward looked at me with his beautiful golden eyes, and concluded our debate with words so smooth they stopped my train of thought completely. “Besides, Romeo and Juliet had a tragic ending. You and I are a forever thing. We’re eternal. There will be no tragedy, no ending. Romeo lost his Juliet, but I’ll never lose my Bella.” He looked down at me lovingly, and reiterated the word never in a factual tone.

I wondered for a second if a vampire’s cold, granite-like body could turn to mush and melt into the seat? I had to look down to make sure my body was intact, thanks to Edward and his ability to send my mind into a complete haze and make my body feel like melting snow.

When we got off the plane, we picked up the rental car—which surprisingly wasn’t fancy, shiny, or insanely expensive. It looked like the type of car you would see a busy mother driving her children to soccer practice in. I laughed to myself at the image of Edward behind the wheel of such an effeminate car.

We didn’t drive far, just outside the city limits on the north side of Chicago. Edward parked the car and we ran for a short time until we reached the most gorgeous cemetery I have ever seen. It was huge, and full of architectural masterpieces. The cemeteries I have seen were usually row-after-row of tomb stones, some larger than others—but these were capacious monuments.

Edward took my hand and we slowly, almost glidingly, walked over the perfectly landscaped grass. I knew exactly where we were, and what we were doing here, but I didn’t know what emotion to feel. I wasn’t sure how Edward felt, either. Mind reading would have come in handy right about now.

When we reached the gravestone of Elizabeth Masen, I felt honored to be this close to the woman who created the love of my life. And the woman responsible for demanding that Carlisle save him.

My memory is vague, but I do recall certain parts of Carlisle’s story. Elizabeth demanded that he do everything in his power to save Edward during the 1918 Spanish influenza pandemic. He described her eyes as, “hard, like stones, like emeralds.” Carlisle believes that Elizabeth knew that he was different, somehow. Edward’s life was slipping away with each tick of the clock, but because of his mother’s demand, he was here with me, standing beside me, looking down at the ground of her grave.

“I haven’t been here in a while,” Edward began, his face now expressionless. “I wanted you to come with me so I could have the chance to introduce you to my mother in the best way I can. I have never been more grateful for her telling Carlisle to save me than I am now. Because of her, I get to live an eternity with you, Bella. I get to be happy every day. The type of happiness that will never end.” His eyes darted back towards the beautiful gravestone.

I thanked Edward, countless times, for bringing me somewhere that meant so much to him. For letting me have the chance to get so close to a part of his life from before he became an immortal. He doesn’t remember Elizabeth very well, but he will forever have a connection to her. Although he may have resented the fact that he never got to make the choice to be turned, he is now gratified.

We didn’t stay long. It was just long enough to pay our respects. I left the cemetery feeling closer to Edward than I ever thought possible. Honored. Maybe even a little shocked. I didn’t see this coming. He really did surprise me this time.

The next day was Christmas and we couldn’t wait to give Renesmee her present. Edward picked it out. It wasn’t something she could actually use, but Edward didn’t care, he couldn’t wait to buy his daughter her first car. Although the 2011 Mercedes-Benz E-Class Cabriolet isn’t available to buy until May, 2010, Edward worked his magic and got one in ‘frosty blue’ for Renesmee. Her eyes lit up . . . with confusion. She loved the color, and the fact that it was sparkly, but in her sweet, soft voice she whispered, “I can’t use this. I don’t have a license, Daddy.” Luckily I stocked up on real presents. Things she can actually use. And Alice, of course, got her a lot of pretty things to wear.

We all called Jacob, who was in La Push with his family, and wished them all a Merry Christmas. We wanted Jake to know that, even though he was gone for the day, we were still thinking of him.

The Denali’s were fun. They adore Nessie, and although it’s gross for me to think about, Tanya had fun flirting with Charlie. They got along really well, and it’s great to see Charlie’s face light up. After all, he is a terminal bachelor . . . famous ladies man, as he calls himself.

Tanya remembered Charlie from the wedding, and of course asked about his change. He told her the entire story and she nearly melted when he explained that he became a vampire to save me. Great. Now he’s using the story of how he became a vampire to save his vampire daughter from being killed by a coven of vampires to impress women. Vampire women. I still believe that there are things about my new life that I will never get used to.

I have to go for now; Seth is visiting and I want to spend as much time as possible with him before he goes back to La Push. I will write again soon, like I always do.





Dear Diary (Vampire Snowball Fights)

The things I abhorred the most when I was a human, are the things I seem to miss the most now that I’m an immortal, a vampire. Oddly, I miss the feeling of snowflakes melting against my warm cheeks. I miss feeling my face go entirely numb from the sharp, frosty wind. When I first moved to Forks I wanted to move right back out  because of the constant cold, and the lack of sunlight . I undoubtedly miss the contrast in temperature between mine and Edward’s skin, too.

Edward used to feel so cold to me, so icy. His body felt hard, like granite. It’s different when we touch now. Not bad, but different. I know there are things that Edward misses about me being human, too. I am selfish to think that the changes have only impacted me. I’m also feel selfish for wanting this life so badly, for forcing Edward to turn me, then having the nerve to miss parts of being how I used to be. Being human. I pretty much begged Edward to turn me, so I can learn to deal with the fact that for as long as I exist, I will never be human again.

Thankfully a lot of things are extremely vague. I have forgotten a lot about the people and events that were not that important to me, but I do still remember the things that really mattered. It’s almost like I have snap shots in my head, permanently, but they are partially unclear. Blurry. Almost as though whoever took the photos moved the camera too fast, making the photo cloudy. But I can still see them. I do still remember what Edward’s ice cold hand felt like in my warm, often clammy hand. I remember making up my mind that I was going to be with Edward, for forever, no matter what it took. My transformation did not blur any of the feelings I felt for Edward – if anything, they just got more intense, more clear.

It’s almost Christmas time, and the Cullen’s are going all out to make sure Charlie, Renesmee, Jacob and I have the time of our lives. Alice decorated the entire house, with a little bit of help  from the rest of us. Alice is picky, though. Everything has to be done perfectly, so we only help when she asks for it. Emmett, Charlie and Jasper strung the lights all around the house. Alice almost forgot that it might look odd if she was on the icy, cold roof herself, stringing the lights despite the fact that we have a house full of men, or… I guess you could call them manpires. No need to draw attention to ourselves.

Carlisle and Esme have invited the Denali’s over to celebrate Christmas. They accepted the invite and are anxious to meet Charlie. It should be interesting trying to explain Charlie’s perpetually, almost eerie crimson eye color – unless, of course, he chooses to wear his contacts. Come to think of it, he probably will. He seems to get somewhat embarrassed by the color of his eyes. After all, they are similar to the color of a non-vegetarian’s eyes, only more disturbing.

Jacob and Renesmee have gotten closer than ever in the past few weeks. Their relationship is changing, maturing. Edward is pleased to see that Jacob’s thoughts about his future with Nessie are still completely pure. Although Renesmee is only three years old, she has the mind and body of a ten year old, so it is inevitable that her relationship with Jacob is maturing. They spend more time laughing and joking with each other and enjoy a lot of the same things. Jacob no longer reads to Nessie before she falls asleep. Instead, they stay awake and joke until she drifts off, then Jacob heads out back to his home to sleep.

One of Renesmee’s favorite things in the entire world is snow. We have had heaps of snow fall so far here and her and Jake spend hours outside every day playing in it. It’s funny to watch Renesmee so effortlessly beat Jake when they have snowball fights. He can be a sore loser sometimes. It’s especially funny when Jacob claims he ‘let her win’ because she’s a girl. Sure, Jake.

If you have ever wondered what a vampire snowball fight is like, I can tell you one thing – you’re missing out. I had my first vampire snowball fight a week ago. Due to the lack of snow in our usual clearing, the one we use for baseball, we had to scout out a new field. We ended up finding a perfect spot just outside of Hanover. Similar to the clearing where we play baseball, this field was sheltered by trees. There was a small, gravel road in the distance, so we did have to be a little more careful.

The most fun part about a vampire snowball fight is that the snowballs get thrown with such intense speed that they usually disintegrate before they reach their target – if you’re fast enough that is. The biggest competition usually ends up being between Edward and Emmett because Edward is fast, really fast – but Emmett is strong and can throw hard. I would say that Edward ended up getting hit about half time time. There is no winning and losing in a vampire style snowball fight, though. No one is keeping score.

The game ended a lot sooner than I thought it would have. We ended up using all the snow quite fast, leaving the field completely bare. I hope no one decided to visit the mysterious, snowless field after we were done. That would be just great. Our family moves into town and suddenly all the snow in random large fields goes missing. I wonder what everyone’s theory about us would be.

As excited as I am about our snowball fights, I am more excited about what Edward has planned for Christmas Eve. He told me that we are doing something special, alone, the day before Christmas. I don’t get as worried about surprises as I used to – not when they’re from Edward. I still don’t like when people make a fuss over me, but Edward has a way of making me feel as though he is somehow benefiting from the surprise too. He tells me all the time that his happiness comes entirely from seeing me smile. Seeing me happy. I let Edward in my head often to show him what, exactly, his smile does to me. Lets just say he knows the feeling is mutual. My happiness heavily relies on seeing Edward smile and knowing, that somehow, I’ve made his life better.

Jacob is going back to La Push for Christmas day to be with Billy and the rest of his family, but will be returning as soon as the Denali’s leave New Hampshire. He plans to bring Seth back home with him for a visit, too. I look forward to seeing Seth. He’s a great kid and I will be forever grateful for all of his help. I do plan to take a trip to La Push to visit everyone soon, too.

La Push was pretty much my second home when Edward left. Again, the memories are vague, but even thinking of that time, when Edward left, it makes me want to grab onto him and hold him so tight and never let him go. I know that he would never leave again. I’m no longer breakable to him, fragile. But I can’t help feeling hollow when I think back to when he was gone.

I have to go for now. Rosalie, Alice, Esme and I are going Christmas shopping for Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle and Edward. What do you get for the people who have, or could have anything they want?

I also want to say Happy Holidays to all those who celebrate from all of the Cullens! We hope you all have a safe and happy holiday season.





Dear Diary (Forever A Cullen)

Charlie’s brand new Cullen crest is in the form of a ring, similar to Carlisle’s, yet different enough to be able to tell them apart. I think, somehow, the ring makes Charlie feel more whole. This entire change, and introduction into a world of mythical creatures, has taken it’s toll on him. It left him trying to find his place, forever, in this world.

I know he wonders what he’s going to do with himself for so long. He worries about finding someone to spend eternity with. Edward tells me, of course. He tries to stay out of Charlie’s head as much as he can, but sometimes, I ask him to check in to make sure everything is okay. Especially when Charlie is being quiet.

A sense of belonging washed over Charlie’s face when he opened the box that held his ring. His bright red eyes seemed warmer, despite their eerie color. One side of his mouth curled up as he examined the ring before putting it on and I could tell he way happy, peaceful. He had been alone for so long, and now, he’s surrounded by a family who will always be there for him. He will never have to be lonely, and he knows that.

For Renesmee, it made the most sense to get her a bracelet, just in case one day someone wants to add something to it. Her link-clasp bracelet is 18k white gold, and glistens like an icicle against her pale skin. We discovered that she really loves the snow, so along with her Cullen crest charm, Edward got her a snowflake charm with round brilliant diamonds on just the tips of the snowflake. The bracelet is sweet and subtle. Perfect for her age.

If you asked me if we should give Jacob a Cullen crest of some sort, I wouldn’t even have to think about it. Yes. I would give him one in a heart beat. It’s not up to me, though. I haven’t been part of this family for nearly as long as the rest of the Cullens, and I wouldn’t ever want to offend them. They have a lot of pride in how they live, and I understand that. It’s difficult living the way we do, as ‘vegetarians,’ always fighting an intense urge to tear peoples limbs apart and have them as a snack.

Jake hasn’t ever had to feel the moral struggle; the burning, blazing fire in his throat reminding him of how easily he could tear up any human and drain their aromatic blood without wasting even the smallest drop. He struggles with what he is, too, but it’s different, less of a moral struggle.

I kept my thoughts to myself and let the Cullens deliberate for as long as they needed to. When I suggested we include Jacob, Carlisle didn’t seem shocked—in fact his face was blank, almost as though he had been expecting my proposal. I asked nicely. Actually, it was more of a suggestion.

When Carlisle asked me to come into his office, I bit my lower lip, anticipating the worst. Although it’s not my decision, I really hoped, for Jake’s sake, that they agreed to officially make him part of the family. I told myself not to show my disappointment if they decided against giving Jacob a Cullen crest. I wouldn’t want them to feel bad for their decision.

When I walked into the office Carlisle was standing over his desk looking down, his statuesque body still, motionless. He didn’t look up at me, he just grabbed a black box off the desk and started speaking, still not making eye contact with me.

“Jacob, well . . . when he transforms into a wolf, all of his belongings get shredded. Esme and I picked out this Cullen crest charm for him to attach to the string he keeps around his ankle, that way it will stay with him.” He finally looked up at me and smiled, twisting the box in my direction to show me the charm.

It was perfect. The hook was large and looked durable. And the crest itself, it had more of a warm, golden-color over it–almost as though someone painted gold flecks onto it. I picked it up out of the box and noticed it was a lot heavier than everyone else’s. Jake would need something stronger, something that would stay together, even after a long trek through the woods.

Edward came into the office as I was looking over the crest, examining every little detail. His half grin made him look conflicted, and he probably was. Edward can’t help but find it somewhat unusual that a werewolf has become such a prominent part of this family full of vampires. He trusts Jacob, but he worries, too. He worries about what could happen if Renesmee decides one day that she doesn’t want Jake around. Or, if she decides to have a relationship with a different boy when she’s older. I worry about that too. I don’t want Jake to get hurt anymore. I think I did a good enough job of that myself.

For now, we are just taking everything day by day. But while Jacob is here, and while he’s making Nessie so happy every day, we all consider him part of the Cullen family. Rosalie might not be completely sold, but, well . . . we never exactly expect her to be the most cooperative to begin with.

We all filed into Jacob’s little house in the back, and I kept the small black box hidden to my side. Carlisle spoke up first and let Jake know how much we all appreciate his presence in our lives.

One by one we all told Jacob how appreciative we were, and I think it confused him. While Alice was talking, Edward mumbled something under his breath about Jake’s thoughts. “He thinks we’re buttering him up to let him down softly. He thinks Carlisle and the rest of us have decided not to give him the crest.” Edward smiled and it seemed to light up the tiny living room we were all crammed into.

Finally it was my turn to talk and the words seemed to flow boundlessly from my lips. I covered everything I could remember about my human life, and of course, everything we’ve been through together since. I love Jacob, and he knows that. It’s not the kind of love you feel when you want to be with someone; it’s the kind of love you feel when you know you always want that person in your life, as a best friend.

After too much talking, I finally uncovered the black box I had been hiding to my side, wedged between Edward’s body, and mine, then tossed it over to Jacob.”It’s from all of us.” I couldn’t hide the excitement in my voice. I scanned the room quickly to catch everyone else’s expressions and noticed even Rosalie smiling.

Jacob popped the lid up and his eyes grew about twice their normal size when he saw what was inside. Time goes by quickly when you’re an immortal, but somehow, it seemed to take forever before Jacob finally said something. We all waited, without interrupting, for him to talk, but nothing. He just stared down at the charm in the box with his now gigantic eyes. Finally, Renesmee went over to him and sat down next to him, looking up with the most angelic smile I’ve ever seen.

Nessie brought Jacob out of his moment of silence, and as he snapped the box back shut, he let us know exactly what he was thinking. “I love it. I really do. I had to think for a minute, about what the rest of the my family would think. I still have to consider them, a little. But I guess after leaving them to move with a bunch of vampires, nothing else could really shock them anyway. Thanks, everyone.” Jake looked over at Edward and added a little jab. “Since I imprinted on your daughter, I guess I’ll be a permanent fixture in this family anyway.” His smile was warm, contrasting with Edward’s icy expression.

Edward still hears nothing but pure thoughts in Jake’s head, so he knows he doesn’t have to worry. Nessie is getting a lot taller now, and her features are maturing a lot, but Jacob still knows he has to wait until she is fully mature before he even thinks about seeing her as anything other than mine and Edward’s little girl. His intentions are pure, he doesn’t need to be reminded, and Edward and I like it that way.

Once we were back in the Cullen house, Carlisle explained to me that he didn’t have to think twice about giving Jacob a crest. His concern wasn’t ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ it was what they would get him that would be durable enough for Jake’s lifestyle.

I am blown away every day by the Cullen’s ability to be so accepting.

Alice made a good point, too. “He doesn’t eat humans, so he’s more than welcome in this family.” Her eye lashes flitted and she danced into the next room with Jasper. She does make a good point. Jacob isn’t harming humans. In fact, no one from his family is harming humans, they’re saving them.

Nothing feels different. It’s not like now that everyone has their Cullen crest some sort of huge change has occurred. But the family does feel more whole. The crest symbolizes devotion to this family, to the ‘vegetarian’ way of life, and I feel like now, we all have something to show for our continued restraint. It feels good.


*Thank you to Debbie. D for the inspiration behind the crests!




Another Great Bella Cullen (aka vampire Bella) Manip’!

AmusedViews on Twitter Tweeted me this – and I love it! I posted a couple of red-eyed Bella Cullen Manips, so here is one after her eyes become golden.




Another great ‘Breaking Dawn’ Bella Manip!

"Breaking Dawn Bella"

You might remember me posting a manipulation a couple of days ago of vampire Bella – and if not you can check it out HERE! Well, a BellasDiary.Com reader named Sarah saw it and wanted to try another one using a different photo. I think she did an amazing job!!! Seeing all the great manips gets me soooo excited to see Bella as a vampire :)

What about you guys? Are you more excited for the Eclipse movie or the Breaking Dawn movie? Let me know via my Twitter HERE!

Thank you so much for sending this in Sarah. You did a wonderful job!!



Twi-Talent:Vampire Bella Manip! So Good!!!!

"Bella as a vampire"

This is definitely one of my favorite Bella Cullen manipulations! The porcelain skin and dark around the eyes are perfect! This is just awesome and gets me anxious for Breaking Dawn :)




Fan Made Breaking Dawn Poster!

Bella as a vampire, Bella in Breaking Dawn

Whoa! Just found this lovely Breaking Dawn by the amazingly talented Grodansnagel. We posted art done by this artist before, and it’s always VERY impressive! This is such a perfect vampire Bella!



Dear Diary (Closure)

Renee seems different. She’s always been a ‘different’ person in general – eccentric – but she seems to have deviated from the person she used to be. Her eyes no longer hold that curious, vibrant spark they once did. She’s unusually calm, too. Renee is suffering, and it hurts to watch. I can already tell that her split from Phil is going to have a larger impact on her than she knows. Alice had some visions already, too, and one of them came true when Renee came back for another visit – in an attempt to escape her imperfect home life.

Charlie braced himself for another couple of days of having to endure the flames that burst their way up through his throat – the raw, scorching temptation. Renee didn’t seem quite as blown away by Charlie’s newly polished exterior this time, though. She didn’t really seem interested in anything, actually.

Although my human life is very blurry to me, vague, I still somehow remember the hole that formed in my chest when my entire life walked away from me, and promised I would never see him again. I wish everyday that those memories would have died in the fire that burned through my body as I was being turned, becoming a vampire. They didn’t, though, and I guess it’s a good thing in a way, because now I can understand what Renee is going through. Why the life in her eyes is fogged over with an obvious sadness. Her divorce from Phil won’t be anything like when my entire life, Edward, left me  – to protect me – because Renee gets over things easier than I do. But it will be hard.

Sue decided to make a surprise visit while Renee was visiting. Charlie was sitting at the small dinner table pretending to eat something Renee had made for him when we all heard the soft knock at he door. Edward knew it was Sue and shot me a sharp glance to warn me. The door was opening and Charlie was welcoming Sue in before anyone had the chance to say anything.


It got even better when Renee introduced herself as, “Renee . . .  Charlie’s ex-wife. As in Bella’s Mother.” Her voice was somewhat pretentious. Sue smiled and told Renee she was a friend of Charlie’s, then asked to speak to him, alone.

Of course when Sue and charlie went outside, Renee drilled Edward and I with questions. She has a bit of a jealous streak, but Edward and I did a good job of  ensuring her that Sue was just a friend. The longer Charlie took outside, though, the more Renee questioned that. I couldn’t take the suspense anymore so I asked to speak with Edward alone, upstairs. I needed some clarity, to know what Renee, Charlie and Sue were thinking. Not being able to read minds is a frustrating thing sometimes.

Edward confirmed Renee’s jealousy. It wouldn’t have taken a genius, or a mind reader, to figure that out. What I wanted to know was why Sue came to visit, and why she was talking to Charlie for such a long time. Edward answered that, too. “Sue misses Charlie, a lot. She wanted to know if he was more adapted to his new lifestyle.” Edward paused and quickly ran his long fingers through his hair. “Last time they spoke, she told him she would stay away until he was more adjusted to what he is now. She explained that she has feelings for him that are on a level far beyond friendship. She asked about Renee, too. It seems as though Charlie really cares for Sue.”

I bit my lip, worried about Renee; how this would make her feel. I thought about how it made Charlie feel when Renee started dating Phil. He wasn’t thrilled – but this is all part of life. You separate, then you eventually find someone new.

“I think we should stay out of this, love,” Edward began. “Let their lives fall where they’re supposed to.” He half smiled, though it didn’t touch his eyes. I realized he was right. This has nothing to do with me, and although I don’t want to see Renee hurt, I do want to see Charlie happy, based on his own decisions.

When we came back downstairs, Renee was engrossed in what seemed to be some vampire TV show. The actors sported fangs, but otherwise looked quite normal, human. Renee noticed us out of the corner of her eye and jumped a little. “Hey Bella . . . Edward, check this out,” she said, half laughing. “These guys are vampires, and there’s a big love triangle going on.” She pointed to the screen at the actors with the ridiculous looking fangs and continued, excitement filling her eyes. “The blonde girl used to be a human, but she became a vampire so she could live forever with that really good-looking vampire on the right.”

Edward laughed under his breath and looked at me, his hypnotic eyes almost making me forget about the awkward conversation we were having. Thankfully Charlie and Sue walked in the door just then. Charlie’s eyes were a bright crimson red and he bolted up the stairs, obviously aware of the fact that his contacts had dissolved. Sue must have told him.

“Well, I have to get going now. It was nice to meet you Renee. See you soon Bella . . .  Edward.” Sue smiled and didn’t seem to care that Renee completely ignored her. “Bye, Charlie. I’ll see you again soon!” Sue yelled up the stairs before opening the door to slip outside. But Charlie was back down the stairs so fast it would have looked like a blur to any human. I gave him a look that said, “Can you at least try to be a little less obvious in front of Renee!”

His eyes were brown again. “Let me walk you to your car, Sue.” Charlie’s face was serious, as if he was offended that she was going to go without a proper goodbye. Renee’s head spun back to look at them, and it almost looked painful for her to hold her head in that position. Sue welcomed the invite to have Charlie walk her to her car and they stepped out together, again.

Renee turned the TV off and thudded up the stairs to what used to be my bedroom. Suddenly it felt like I was her Mother. I felt like I should have been consoling her, but I didn’t. She needs time, and I know it’s hard for her, but Charlie doesn’t owe Renee anything. Besides, her scent is too much for Charlie to handle. Her entire visit has been torture for him. I can see the scorching iron burning him, turning his throat to ashes. Sue doesn’t smell good to Charlie, at all, but that might be a good thing. Easier.

Alice was right, Renee did get hurt, but Charlie didn’t do anything intentionally. He had felt his share of hurt from their relationship already, and can’t undo the damage. I know Renee will be fine, and I know Charlie will find happiness, too. For now, I think Charlie got the closure he needed after all these years. And he might not be human, and he might not completely remember the pain he felt from his human life when Renee left, but he still craved closure.

After Renee left to go back to Phoenix and close the sale on her and Phil’s house, Charlie finally took down their wedding photo. I didn’t say anything to Charlie about it, but Edward, of course read his mind. He took it down because he finally realized what happened years ago between Renee and him wasn’t his fault. He kept the photo up out of guilt and unwillingness to fail at something. He thought he failed with Renee, but he didn’t. He knows that now, thankfully. And I’m sure Sue will do a great job at reminding him just how great he really is.

I’m sure Renee won’t want to come back to visit again anytime soon after that, so before school starts we’re going to get everything together and move. I’m scared, but I’m excited, too. We’re keeping  Charlie’s house and the huge white Cullen house in Forks, and of course we’re keeping the cottage in the woods. At least I’ll still feel like I have a home in Forks. If we ever want to come back, we can do so discreetly.

I decided to post another entry from Edward’s diary next time. You’re probably getting a little sick of me now anyway. I know you all love getting to see life through his eyes sometimes, too. For now, I’m going to go play baseball in the clearing one last time before we leave Forks. It’s thundering. Perfect.


EDIT: Looking for a new dark love story to read? I have written a novella called, ‘My Darrling.’ (This is not the Willow series I’ve been working on, rather it’s a small side project.). You can read a preview and purchase ‘My Darrling’ here!




Dear Diary (Close Call)

Renee’s visit was the biggest struggle Charlie has had to face since becoming a vampire. Even being trapped in the airplane on the way to Volterra with a bunch of blood-filled humans—when Nessie was kidnapped shortly after Charlie was turned—wasn’t half as much of a struggle for him. Renee’s scent is incredibly intoxicating to Charlie, so enticing.

With regular hunts and by keeping a safe distance from Renee, Charlie was able to control his thirst, thankfully. Edward and I stayed at Charlie’s house for the duration of Renee’s visit, too, just in case. Renee slept in what used to be my room. Edward and I pretended to sleep in the living room on the floor, while Charlie pretended to go to his room at night, but would sneak out the window to hunt, or go to the Cullen’s house. Edward and I would often take turns leaving, too, to check on Nessie. We know she’s safe with our family, but we miss her so easily.

Renee is an extremely light sleeper, which is something I had forgotten about. I do vaguely remember when I used to live with her she would sometimes wake up a few times throughout the night, either to get a glass a water, use the washroom or just turn the TV on in an attempt to make herself sleepy. She has an eccentric mind, and it keeps her up at night sometimes.

Charlie didn’t feel the need to wear his contacts in the middle of the night, when Renee would be sleeping. He can’t stand wearing them during the day, so the night was his time to be free from them. He had no problem putting them in, but it was annoying. Each pair seemed to dissolve at different times, too, leaving Charlie worried they would wear off before he noticed.

I heard Renee clumping her groggy body down the stairs and pretended to be in a deep sleep. Edward was beside me, his eyes shut tight, his body almost too still. I heard her rummaging through the cabinets, the ones she painted years ago, looking for a glass.

“There’s food stuck to this. Gross.” Renee sounded disgusted by Charlie’s glassware. Edward and I laughed softly, making sure we didn’t make any noise. I heard the tap running and her glass filling up, followed by a heavy gulping sound. She placed her glass in the sink, then made her way back upstairs. I jumped to my feet instantaneously when I heard Renee’s loud scream at the top of the stairs. A deep growl escaped from Edward, and in an instant we were by Renee’s side. Her eyes were wide, terrified.

“Charlie, what is wrong with your eyes? They’re blood red!” Renee’s eyes were wide with fear, erasing any signs of grogginess and she tried to take another step backwards, but was already pressed tightly against the wall. She looked as though she wished the wall would suck her in. Edward later confirmed that those were her thoughts, exactly.

I couldn’t tell if she was more afraid of Charlie’s eyes, or how fast Edward and I got to her. Her eyes darted between the three of us: vampires, all completely still, not breathing, crouched in a very inhuman position and our lips pulled over our top teeth.


One look at Charlie and I could tell his throat was in more pain than ever before. I knew he wouldn’t be able to explain his eyes to Renee, he could hardly look at her. I tried to pull Charlie out of this one. “Dad, go take those contacts out. You look scary, and why are you up anyways? Go to bed.”

I forcibly grabbed Charlie’s forearm and pulled him into his room. We quickly placed a pair of the dark brown contact lenses in his eyes and returned to the hallway, where Renee was still wishing the plaster on the wall would turn to putty and drag her in.

“See Mom, he just had contacts in. During a routine eye exam, Charlie was told her needed reading glasses.” I hesitated, trying to think of a solid story. Renee wouldn’t believe just anything. “The Forks Police Department requires you to wear glasses or contacts if your vision isn’t pretty much perfect, and the guys on the force gave him the red contacts as a gag gift when they found out he needed glasses.”

I have gotten  much better at this lying thing. I guess I haven’t had much of a choice, though. Charlie hasn’t even been with the Forks Police Department since he got shot, but we made Renee believe he was just off for the weekend, for her visit. More lies. More guilt.

To my surprise, Charlie took the story home, answering any questions Renee would probably have. “Well, I ran out of my prescription lenses and couldn’t sleep—so I was going to read the new issue of ‘Ultimate Fishing.’ I could hardly read a word, and wanted to see if the red lenses would help at all. They didn’t, so I was going to head to the washroom to take them out and go back to bed.” Charlie’s voice sounded factual. He finished with an apology. “Sorry I scared you Renee. Didn’t mean to.” He grinned, and Renee’s eyes lit up. Edward’s lips curled up in disgust. Charlie’s beautiful grin made Renee remember things about Charlie that Edward didn’t want to hear.

Renee went back to bed, and Charlie went back into his room. Edward and I went back to the floor in the living room. I could tell that Edward had something on his mind. His eyes were focused on the ceiling and his eyebrows were pulled in closer to his eyes. It took a minute, but I finally got him to talk.

“Bella, Renee is thinking a lot about divorcing Phil. She’s not happy anymore. She’s tired. It seems as though she can’t keep up with his young lifestyle anymore. What’s interesting, though, is that she seems to be missing Charlie . . . a lot. She’s hopelessly attracted to him, I’m certain of that.”

Edward looked confused. He was confused by life. The one’s you love the most always seem to reappear when it’s too late. Charlie and Renee couldn’t be together again no matter how badly both of them wanted it. Charlie would kill her. He doesn’t have the years of discipline behind him that Edward had before falling in love with the human version of myself.

Edward began to think of how close he came to losing me. He turned his gaze from the ceiling onto me. “Bella . . . do you know how lucky I am that I wasn’t too late? It seems as though in life, second chances are sparse. But I got my second chance. I don’t think Renee will get hers, though.” He looked away, his face looked sad and somewhat frustrated by human nature.

I reassured Edward that I would have given him a million chances. Obviously my love for him is unconditional. Renee’s love for Charlie wasn’t unconditional from the start. She can get a divorce but, although Charlie loves Renee, he knows her love for him was never strong, it was never unconditional. Of course, that won’t stop Renee from trying. She’s already scheduled for another visit. She wants as much space from Phil as possible right now.

I’ll update you all on her next visit. We are all hoping this will be the last trip she plans to take to Forks for a while. We’ve had to put off our move, and Carlisle is getting impatient. People are getting suspicious and we need to leave.

On a happier note, Edward and I celebrated our wedding anniversary a few days ago (August 13th). I had one of the best times of my life, and although I asked him not to, Edward spoiled me more than ever before. Stay tuned for my next diary entry, and I’ll tell you all what we got up to for our anniversary!


EDIT: Looking for a new dark love story to read? I have written a novella called, ‘My Darrling.’ (This is not the Willow series I’ve been working on, rather it’s a small side project.). You can read a preview and purchase ‘My Darrling’ here!




Dear Diary (Hope & Fear)

I made sure Edward and I were not on the same team—competition can be healthy, after all. Alice, Charlie, Carlisle and I played  against Edward, Esme, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett. We gave their team an extra member to make up for the fact that our team had two strong new vampires.

My team lost—by a long shot. We had fun, though. Charlie was strong, but Edward’s speed  is hard to beat. We regretted giving them an extra member about half way through, once we realized we weren’t going to win. To be honest, I wasn’t keeping track of the score—I was too fixated on Edward, watching him so flawlessly dart through the trees, his sanguine expression . . . he melts me.

I don’t know how I can be so dead, yet feel so alive. I always feel so alive around Edward. When he’s having fun, his smile beams. He can almost make me crumble, regardless of my newly acquired strength.

Jacob and Renesmee played in the soaking-wet outfield—mostly just watching in amazement as the ball flew over their heads and out of their sight—while the blurred images of vampires shot in and out of the trees. Nessie has the strength to keep up with us, and she’s actually grown so much. She’s actually taking after Edward height-wise, but she insisted on staying in the field with Jacob.

While we were playing, Edward overheard Jacob’s thoughts and for the first time ever, Jacob was envious of us. Of vampires. Edward heard him wondering what it would be like to be able to have the strength and abilities we have. He was also thinking about how seamless his relationship with Nessie would be if he were a vampire. I never thought Jacob would think this way. He always seems so happy with himself—he’s always been my own personal sun, so bright and happy. Even when Jacob felt rejected after I chose Edward over him, he still never thought about life as one of us. It’s odd, actually, how things can change. Opinions change, people change, life changes.

When I checked my email today there were three messages from Renee. All sent within a seven hour time frame. The first one outlined how everything in her life was going “okay,” and how she wanted to come to Forks soon to see everyone. The tone, though written, gave away her dreary mood.

The second was sent almost immediately after the first, just because she accidentally sent the first too fast, before mentioning that she was available to come this weekend. She sent the third about seven hours later, and it pretty much consisted of her questioning why I haven’t gotten back yet, and a few blurbs about how she’s worried and will call if she doesn’t hear back soon.

I responded right away.

Renee is good at worrying, and the last thing I want is for her to become suspicious of anything.

After talking it over with everyone, I told Renee she should come for a visit at the end of the week. We are going to stay at Charlie’s house, and everyone will visit, of course. Renee insisted on staying in a hotel, but I told her she should save her money and just take my room. It’s not like I’ll need it, after all.

As for Charlie’s eyes—although he’s not happy about it—we’ve gotten him what seems like a human’s lifetime supply of brown contact lenses. Charlie’s suggestion wasn’t the most clever: he thought we could get away with telling Renee that red contacts were the “new thing.” I assured him she would catch on once she realized no one else was wearing them. He tried.

I already know I’ll be a nervous wreck when Renee is visiting. She can’t find out what we are. Last time a family member found out, he ended up becoming one of us in order to stay alive. This is not the life I would want for Renee. I mean, she’s a little ‘out there,’ but this is too much. They would try to destroy me, too. If Renee ever found out, another battle would ensue. I refuse to let that happen. I could never do anything to put my perfect angel in danger, either.

Time flies when you’re an immortal, and I know Renee’s visit will be fast. She will only be here for two short days. I can handle that, I think. It’s odd, actually, that a group of vicious, talented, exceedingly-strong vampires don’t scare me as much as Renee, a human. Of course, I’m more worried about her than anything, but worried nonetheless.

I hope I have nothing but good news to write in my next entry. I will update you all on Renee’s visit. Here’s to hoping for the best and fearing the worst.


EDIT: Looking for a new dark love story to read? I have written a novella called, ‘My Darrling.’ (This is not the Willow series I’ve been working on, rather it’s a small side project.). You can read a preview and purchase ‘My Darrling’ here!


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