Fan Made Breaking Dawn Poster!

Whoa! Just found this lovely Breaking Dawn by the amazingly talented Grodansnagel. We posted art done by this artist before, and it’s always VERY impressive! This is such a perfect vampire Bella!

Dear Diary (Closure)

Renee seems different. She’s always been a ‘different’ person in general – eccentric – but she seems to have deviated from the person she used to be. Her eyes no longer hold that curious, vibrant spark they once did. She’s unusually calm, too. Renee is suffering, and it hurts to watch. I can already tell that her split from Phil is going to have a larger impact on her than she knows. Alice had some visions already, too, and one of them came true when Renee came back for another visit – in an attempt to escape her imperfect home life.

Charlie braced himself for another couple of days of having to endure the flames that burst their way up through his throat – the raw, scorching temptation. Renee didn’t seem quite as blown away by Charlie’s newly polished exterior this time, though. She didn’t really seem interested in anything, actually.

Although my human life is very blurry to me, vague, I still somehow remember the hole that formed in my chest when my entire life walked away from me, and promised I would never see him again. I wish everyday that those memories would have died in the fire that burned through my body as I was being turned, becoming a vampire. They didn’t, though, and I guess it’s a good thing in a way, because now I can understand what Renee is going through. Why the life in her eyes is fogged over with an obvious sadness. Her divorce from Phil won’t be anything like when my entire life, Edward, left me  – to protect me – because Renee gets over things easier than I do. But it will be hard.

Sue decided to make a surprise visit while Renee was visiting. Charlie was sitting at the small dinner table pretending to eat something Renee had made for him when we all heard the soft knock at he door. Edward knew it was Sue and shot me a sharp glance to warn me. The door was opening and Charlie was welcoming Sue in before anyone had the chance to say anything.

Great.

It got even better when Renee introduced herself as, “Renee . . .  Charlie’s ex-wife. As in Bella’s Mother.” Her voice was somewhat pretentious. Sue smiled and told Renee she was a friend of Charlie’s, then asked to speak to him, alone.

Of course when Sue and charlie went outside, Renee drilled Edward and I with questions. She has a bit of a jealous streak, but Edward and I did a good job of  ensuring her that Sue was just a friend. The longer Charlie took outside, though, the more Renee questioned that. I couldn’t take the suspense anymore so I asked to speak with Edward alone, upstairs. I needed some clarity, to know what Renee, Charlie and Sue were thinking. Not being able to read minds is a frustrating thing sometimes.

Edward confirmed Renee’s jealousy. It wouldn’t have taken a genius, or a mind reader, to figure that out. What I wanted to know was why Sue came to visit, and why she was talking to Charlie for such a long time. Edward answered that, too. “Sue misses Charlie, a lot. She wanted to know if he was more adapted to his new lifestyle.” Edward paused and quickly ran his long fingers through his hair. “Last time they spoke, she told him she would stay away until he was more adjusted to what he is now. She explained that she has feelings for him that are on a level far beyond friendship. She asked about Renee, too. It seems as though Charlie really cares for Sue.”

I bit my lip, worried about Renee; how this would make her feel. I thought about how it made Charlie feel when Renee started dating Phil. He wasn’t thrilled – but this is all part of life. You separate, then you eventually find someone new.

“I think we should stay out of this, love,” Edward began. “Let their lives fall where they’re supposed to.” He half smiled, though it didn’t touch his eyes. I realized he was right. This has nothing to do with me, and although I don’t want to see Renee hurt, I do want to see Charlie happy, based on his own decisions.

When we came back downstairs, Renee was engrossed in what seemed to be some vampire TV show. The actors sported fangs, but otherwise looked quite normal, human. Renee noticed us out of the corner of her eye and jumped a little. “Hey Bella . . . Edward, check this out,” she said, half laughing. “These guys are vampires, and there’s a big love triangle going on.” She pointed to the screen at the actors with the ridiculous looking fangs and continued, excitement filling her eyes. “The blonde girl used to be a human, but she became a vampire so she could live forever with that really good-looking vampire on the right.”

Edward laughed under his breath and looked at me, his hypnotic eyes almost making me forget about the awkward conversation we were having. Thankfully Charlie and Sue walked in the door just then. Charlie’s eyes were a bright crimson red and he bolted up the stairs, obviously aware of the fact that his contacts had dissolved. Sue must have told him.

“Well, I have to get going now. It was nice to meet you Renee. See you soon Bella . . .  Edward.” Sue smiled and didn’t seem to care that Renee completely ignored her. “Bye, Charlie. I’ll see you again soon!” Sue yelled up the stairs before opening the door to slip outside. But Charlie was back down the stairs so fast it would have looked like a blur to any human. I gave him a look that said, “Can you at least try to be a little less obvious in front of Renee!”

His eyes were brown again. “Let me walk you to your car, Sue.” Charlie’s face was serious, as if he was offended that she was going to go without a proper goodbye. Renee’s head spun back to look at them, and it almost looked painful for her to hold her head in that position. Sue welcomed the invite to have Charlie walk her to her car and they stepped out together, again.

Renee turned the TV off and thudded up the stairs to what used to be my bedroom. Suddenly it felt like I was her Mother. I felt like I should have been consoling her, but I didn’t. She needs time, and I know it’s hard for her, but Charlie doesn’t owe Renee anything. Besides, her scent is too much for Charlie to handle. Her entire visit has been torture for him. I can see the scorching iron burning him, turning his throat to ashes. Sue doesn’t smell good to Charlie, at all, but that might be a good thing. Easier.

Alice was right, Renee did get hurt, but Charlie didn’t do anything intentionally. He had felt his share of hurt from their relationship already, and can’t undo the damage. I know Renee will be fine, and I know Charlie will find happiness, too. For now, I think Charlie got the closure he needed after all these years. And he might not be human, and he might not completely remember the pain he felt from his human life when Renee left, but he still craved closure.

After Renee left to go back to Phoenix and close the sale on her and Phil’s house, Charlie finally took down their wedding photo. I didn’t say anything to Charlie about it, but Edward, of course read his mind. He took it down because he finally realized what happened years ago between Renee and him wasn’t his fault. He kept the photo up out of guilt and unwillingness to fail at something. He thought he failed with Renee, but he didn’t. He knows that now, thankfully. And I’m sure Sue will do a great job at reminding him just how great he really is.

I’m sure Renee won’t want to come back to visit again anytime soon after that, so before school starts we’re going to get everything together and move. I’m scared, but I’m excited, too. We’re keeping  Charlie’s house and the huge white Cullen house in Forks, and of course we’re keeping the cottage in the woods. At least I’ll still feel like I have a home in Forks. If we ever want to come back, we can do so discreetly.

I decided to post another entry from Edward’s diary next time. You’re probably getting a little sick of me now anyway. I know you all love getting to see life through his eyes sometimes, too. For now, I’m going to go play baseball in the clearing one last time before we leave Forks. It’s thundering. Perfect.

-Bella

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Dear Diary (Close Call)

Renee’s visit was the biggest struggle Charlie has had to face since becoming a vampire. Even being trapped in the airplane on the way to Volterra with a bunch of blood filled humans, when Nessie was kidnapped, shortly after Charlie was turned – wasn’t half as much of a struggle for him. Renee’s scent is so sweet smelling to Charlie, so enticing.

With regular hunts and by keeping a safe distance from Renee, Charlie was able to control his thirst, thankfully. Edward and I stayed at Charlie’s house for the duration of Renee’s visit, too, just in case. Renee slept in what used to be my room. Edward and I pretended to sleep in the living room on the floor, while Charlie pretended to go to his room at night, but would sneak out the window to hunt or go to the Cullen’s house. Edward and I would often take turns leaving, too, to check on Nessie. We know she’s safe with our family, but we miss her so easily.

Renee is an extremely light sleeper, which is something I had forgotten about. I do vaguely remember when I used to live with her, she would sometimes wake up a few times throughout the night, either to get a glass a water, use the washroom or just turn on the TV in an attempt to make herself sleepy. She has an eccentric mind, and it keeps her up at night sometimes.

Charlie didn’t feel the need to wear his contacts in the middle of the night, when Renee would be sleeping. He can’t stand wearing them during the day – so the night was his time to be free from them. He had no problem putting them in, but it was annoying. Each pair seemed to dissolve at different times, too, leaving Charlie worried they would wear off before he noticed.

I heard Renee clumping her tired, groggy body down the stairs and pretended to be in a deep sleep. Edward was beside me, his eyes shut tight, his body almost too still. I heard her rummaging through the cabinets, the ones she painted years ago, looking for a glass. “There’s food stuck to this. Gross.” Renee sounded disgusted by Charlie’s glassware. Edward and I laughed softly, making sure we didn’t make any noise. I heard the tap running and her glass filling up, followed by a heavy gulping sound. She placed her glass in the sink, then made her way back upstairs. I jumped to my feet instantaneously when I heard Renee’s loud scream at the top of the stairs. I heard a deep growl from Edward, and in an instant we were by Renee’s side. Her eyes were wide, scared.

“Charlie, what is wrong with your eyes? They’re blood red.” Renee’s eyes were wide with fear, erasing any signs of grogginess and she tried to take another step backwards, but was already pressed tightly against the wall. She looked as though she wished the wall would suck her in. Edward later confirmed that those were her thoughts exactly.

I couldn’t tell if she was more afraid of Charlie’s eyes, or how fast Edward and I got to her. Her eyes darted between the three of us, vampires, all completely still, not breathing, crouched in a very inhuman position and our lips pulled over our top teeth. Great.

One look at Charlie and I could tell his throat was in more pain than ever before. I knew he wouldn’t be able to explain his eyes to Renee, he could hardly look at her. I tried to pull Charlie out of this one. “Dad, go take those contacts out. You look scary, and why are you up anyways? Go to bed.” I forcibly grabbed Charlie’s forearm and pulled him into his room. We quickly placed a pair of the dark brown contact lenses in his eyes and returned to the hallway, where Renee was still wishing the plaster on the wall would turn to putty and drag her in.

“See Mom, he just had contacts in. During a routine eye exam, Charlie was told her needed reading glasses.” I hesitated, trying to think of a solid story. Renee wouldn’t believe just anything. “The Forks police Department requires you to wear glasses or contacts if your vision isn’t pretty much perfect, and the guys on the force gave him the red contacts as a gag gift when they found out he needed glasses.” I have gotten  much better at this lying thing. I guess I haven’t had much of a choice, though. Charlie hasn’t even been with the Forks Police Department since he got shot, but we made Renee believe he was just off for the weekend, for her visit.

To my surprise, Charlie took the story home, answering any questions Renee would probably have. “Well, I ran out of my prescription lenses and couldn’t sleep – so I was going to read the new issue of ‘Ultimate Fishing.’ I could hardly read a word, and wanted to see if the red lenses would help at all. They didn’t – so I was going to head to the washroom to take them out and go back to bed.” Charlie’s voice sounded factual. He finished with an apology. “Sorry I scared you Renee. Didn’t mean to.” He grinned, and Renee’s eyes lit up. Edward’s lips curled up in disgust. Charlie’s beautiful grin made Renee remember things about Charlie that Edward didn’t want to hear.

Renee went back to bed, and Charlie went back into his room. Edward and I went back to the floor in the living room. I could tell that Edward had something on his mind. His eyes were focused on the ceiling and his eyebrows were pulled in closer to his eyes. It took a minute, but I finally got him to talk. “Bella, Renee is thinking a lot about divorcing Phil. She’s not happy anymore. She’s tired. It seems as though she can’t keep up with his young lifestyle anymore. What’s interesting, though, is that she seems to be missing Charlie… a lot. She’s hopelessly attracted to him, I’m certain of that.” Edward looked confused. He was confused by life. The one’s you love the most always seem to reappear when it’s too late. Charlie and Renee couldn’t be together again no matter how badly both of them wanted it. Charlie would kill her. He doesn’t have the years of discipline behind him that Edward had before falling in love with the human version of myself.

Edward began to think of how close he came to losing me. He turned his gaze from the ceiling onto me. “Bella… do you know how lucky I am that I wasn’t too late? It seems as though in life, second chances are sparse. But I got my second chance. I don’t think Renee will get hers, though.” He looked away, his face looked sad and somewhat frustrated by human nature.

I reassured Edward that I would have given him a million chances. Obviously my love for him is unconditional. Renee’s love for Charlie wasn’t unconditional from the start. She can get a divorce, but, although Charlie loves Renee, he knows her love for him was never strong, it was never unconditional. Of course, that wont stop Renee from trying. She’s already scheduled for another visit. She wants as much space from Phil as possible right now. I’ll update you all on her next visit. We are all hoping this will be the last trip she plans to take to Forks for a while. We’ve had to put off our move, and Carlisle is getting impatient. People are getting suspicious and we need to leave.

On a happier note, Edward and I celebrated our wedding anniversary a few days ago (August 13th). I had one of the best times of my life, and although I asked him not to, Edward spoiled me more than ever before. Stay tuned for my next diary entry, and I’ll tell you all what we got up to for our anniversary!

-Bella

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Dear Diary (Hope & Fear)

I made sure Edward and I were not on the same team – competition can be healthy, after all. Alice, Charlie, Carlisle and I played  against Edward, Esme, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett. We gave their team an extra member to make up for the fact that our team had two, strong new vampires.

My team lost – by a long shot. We had fun, though. Charlie was strong, but Edward’s speed  is hard to beat. We regretted giving them an extra member about half way thorough, once we realized we weren’t going to win. To be honest, I wasn’t keeping track of the score – I was too fixated on Edward, watching him so flawlessly dart through the trees, his sanguine expression…he melts me. I don’t know how I can be so dead, yet feel so alive. I always feel so alive around Edward. When he’s having fun, his smile beams. He can always almost make me crumble, regardless of my newly acquired strength.

Jacob and Renesmee played in the soaking wet outfield, mostly just watching in amazement as the ball flew over their heads and out of their sight, while the blurred images of vampires shot in and out of the trees. Nessie has the strength to keep up with us, and she’s actually grown so much – she’s actually taking after Edward height-wise, but she insisted on staying in the field with Jacob.

While we were playing, Edward overheard Jacob’s thoughts, and for the first time ever, Jacob was envious of us. Of vampires. Edward heard him wondering what it would be like… to be able to have the strength and abilities we have. He was also thinking about how seamless his relationship with Nessie would be if he were a vampire. I never thought Jacob would think this way. He always seems so happy with himself – he’s always been my own personal sun, so bright and happy all the time. Even when Jacob felt rejected, after I chose Edward over him, he still never thought about life as one of us. It’s odd, actually, how things can chance. Opinions change, people change, life changes.

When I checked my email today, there were three messages from Renee. All sent within a seven hour time frame. The first one outlined how everything in her life was going “ok” and how she wanted to come to Forks soon to see everyone. The tone, though written, gave away her dreary mood. The second was sent almost immediately after the first, just because she accidentally sent the first too fast, before mentioning that she was available to come this weekend. She sent the third about seven hours later, and it pretty much consisted of her questioning why I haven’t gotten back yet, and a few blurbs about how she’s worried and will call if she doesn’t hear back soon. I responded right away. Renee is good at worrying, and the last thing I want is for her to become suspicious of anything.

After talking it over with everyone, I told Renee she should come for a visit at the end of the week. We are going to stay at Charlie’s house, and everyone will visit, of course. Renee insisted on staying in a hotel, but I told her she should save her money and just take my room. It’s not like I’ll need it, after all. As for Charlie’s eyes – although he’s not happy about it, we’ve gotten him what seems like a humans lifetime supply of brown contact lenses. Charlie’s suggestion wasn’t the most clever. He thought we could get away with telling Renee that red contacts were the “new thing.” I assured him she would catch on once she realized no one else was wearing them. He tried, though.

I already know I will be a nervous wreck when Renee is visiting. She can’t find out what we are. Last time a family member found out, he ended up becoming one of us in order to stay alive. This is not the life I would want for Renee. I mean, she’s a little ‘out there’… but this is too much. They would try to destroy me, too. If Renee ever found out, another battle would ensue. I refuse to let that happen. I could never do anything to put my perfect angel in danger, either.

Time flies when you’re an immortal, and I know Renee’s visit will be fast. She will only be here for two short days. I can handle that, I think. It’s odd, actually, that a group of vicious, talented, exceedingly strong vampires don’t scare me as much as Renee, a human. Of course, I’m more worried about her than anything, but worried nonetheless.

I hope I have nothing but good news to write in my next entry. I will update you all on Renee’s visit. Here’s to hoping for the best and fearing the worst.

-Bella

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Fan Made Breaking Dawn Poster! How cool is this…!?!

This is definitely a neat looking Breaking Dawn poster! I actually cannot wait to see the official posters for Breaking Dawn. I know it’s FAR away, but I can’t wait to see pregnant Bella & scared Edward. LOL. The artist of this beaut’ of a poster is ~krisi932. & I found this at Twilight Guide!

XO

Dear Diary (Ruby Eyes)

Charlie’s eyes are still a startling crimson color. They haven’t faded, at all. Unusual. In fact, they seem to be becoming more bright with time. He only drinks the blood of animals, and hasn’t ever fed off a human, ever. Normally, only vampires who drink human blood – and, of course,  newborns – have such a frighteningly red eye color. Mine are now completely golden, and turn black when I’m extremely hungry.

Wearing contacts around all the time isn’t a realistic option for Charlie. He hates them. Sunglasses just look suspicious. It’s Forks after all. Always gloomy – no need for sunglasses. Although Charlie likes to joke that he’s “defected,” I’m actually worried. Unlike humans, our kind have not been studied so in depth. Even Carlise is uncertain as to why Charlie’s eyes are still the same burning shade of red they were the first day he became one of us, if not brighter.

We have to move, too. Carlisle doesn’t want to go to New Hampshire until we figure out what it is that’s keeping Charlie’s eyes from turning golden. He doesn’t see the point in causing suspicion about what we are in two different towns. If the good people of Hanover, New Hampshire were to somehow see Charlie’s eyes, we would have to leave immediately. We’re going to remain here, in Forks, until Carlisle can fully understand why Charlie is different from the rest of us.

As of right now, Carlise only has one theory. And so far, it’s nothing more than just a theory, either.  When Charlie was shot in the line of duty, Carlisle had to operate. Charlie was left with an infection in his chest, extremely close to his heart. Carlisle thinks that maybe – because part of Charlie’s heart was calloused from the wound – the venom couldn’t spread throughout his entire heart. Therefore Charlie could still have some blood flowing through his body. Not a lot, or enough to consider him “alive” – but enough to keep his eyes a flaming, almost liquid ruby color. Enough for him to still have a extraordinarily feeble heart beat.

Until Carlisle does some sort of test, we wont know for certain, though. It’s extremely confusing not only to Carlisle, but to all of us. Charlie only craves blood, and like any other vampire, he can’t stand the taste of food and describes it as tasting like “dirt” or “mud.” He’s strong, fast, cold-skinned and even has a gift. Everything else is the same, except his eyes.

I don’t mind that our move has been delayed. It wont be put off for too long, anyway. Carlisle will work fast to figure this out – and when he does, I’ll be sure to let you all know if his theory was indeed right – or if there’s some other hidden reason. Right now, I only care about Charlie’s safety. Carlisle is almost one hundred percent sure that Charlie is okay, but I know I’ll be a nervous wreck until I know for sure. Until something has been confirmed, proven.

In other news, Renee wants to come visit… without Phil. She called today and the tone of her voice was somewhat dreary. When I asked if everything was okay, she assured me that everything was “fine,” but I know Renee better than that. When I asked about Phil – and why he wasn’t coming – she danced around my questions and gave me quick, mindless responses.

I told her I would get back to her about a good time to visit. Told her I needed to talk to the family to make sure everyone agreed on a date. Really, I’m just buying some time to figure out how, exactly, we’re going to work her into a house full of vampires – and somehow keep it a secret, and keep her alive. We’ll probably have her visit at Charlie’s house in town, and just have Charlie, Edward, Renesmee and myself stay with her at the house, while Carlise, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, Alice – and of course Jacob – stop in for a visit or two.

I know Renee will ask questions, and notice that we do things that normal humans don’t, but I’m prepared to handle anything she throws my way. I wont make the same mistake I did with Charlie, by telling him what we are. I wont risk our lives, or hers. She can suspect what she wants, but I’ll never admit to anything and will do whatever it takes to hide the truth. Anything. For her safety, and the safety of the rest of my family.

For now I’m going to go read the ending of my favorite book, Edward’s Diary. I’m almost completely through the second one. I have to say, if it were possible for me to cry – the pages of that diary would be nothing but wet, smeared ink. Sometimes I find myself re-reading certain lines that Edward wrote about me; trying to digest the emotion behind every word. Of course, I’ll eventually post more entries from Edward, too.

Will Write Again Soon,

-Bella Cullen

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Dear Diary (Edward’s Diary)

I couldn’t have prepared myself enough for how deeply consumed I would become with reading Edward’s Diary. It’s been absolutely heartbreaking reading the black book with the red ribbon wrapped around it. The one from before Edward met me.

I’m not ready to post one of his diary entries yet, but one quote from what I’ve read  has stood out more so than anything I’ve read so far in his diary -more than anything Edward has ever said.

“The days flow numbly into the nights. There is no separation between the two. I have nothing to live for – yet here I am, a blood-thirsty immortal. A vampire. I wish Carlisle would have let me slip away, let me die. I was only a few breaths away from resting in peace, forever. Instead, I’m stuck here, trying to figure out what the point of my existence is, exactly. Trying to fight my urges – wanting nothing more, yet nothing less than to be a masochistic monster. Although I know Carlisle had good intentions, I also know for certain that I have no intentions of living forever. My destruction wont be easy, but in the end, I know I cannot live in this dark, lonely world forever. Nothing will stop me from eventually abandoning this perplexing, abstruse existence of mine. Nothing.”

When I think of a world without Edward, all I see is a dark, black hole. Nothingness. It’s hard to digest the fact that Edward could have had himself destroyed, and that what we have could have so easily never existed. Renesmee… immortality… eternal love…none of this would have happened. If I never would have met Edward, I wouldn’t have ever known what unconditional love was. I would have never known what it’s like to love someone so much, that you’d give your life for them. To be with them, always.

Reading Edward’s diary, so far, has made me appreciate him more than ever – if that’s even possible. My understanding of the things he has had to ensure is becoming more and more clear with each page I read. Edward’s writings are so powerful, so profound. It was all written a long time ago, too – and it can be hard to understand at times, but Edward helps me with the parts that aren’t clear to me.

Earlier today, Jacob was visiting – spending time with Renesmee, of course. Edward and Alice went to go look at this years Porsche Turbo’s together, which meant I had some time alone to kill. In that time, I managed to read a rather large chunk of the black book that had the red ribbon on it – that I now use as a bookmark. I stumbled across one entry of his that I would like to share with you next time I write.

For now, I’m going to see what Charlie is up to. I think he was mentioning something about him and I hunting together. I have to admit, it’s odd when bonding with your Dad goes from sharing a pizza and running through the days events at the dinner table, to tackling wild animals and drinking their blood together.

-Bella

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Dear Diary (Rage. Anger. Fury.)

My jaw was locked, eyes frozen on the ground. For the first time since becoming a strong new vampire, I felt weak. Weaker than a human. My hands were rolled into balls, locked and unable to open. I couldn’t move. My feet felt fastened to the ground. Even if I wanted to crumble and fall, I couldn’t. I couldn’t do… anything.

His voice echoed in my ear, vaguely. The voice of an angel. It was calming, yet had a worried undertone to it. I couldn’t make out the words he was saying, though. In the distance I could almost hear an inhuman noise. It sounded like high pitched crying. It was constant, non stop. Within seconds the noise grew – doubled, then tripled. The angels voice was being drowned out by the howls. Right… howls. I felt accomplished once I realized the inhuman noise was Jacob, and that he had at least two other wolves with him. I felt like a child, trying to understand the most basic sounds.

My normal drastically sharp vision was now dimmed. I could still see every texture on the twigs below me. I could see every tiny grain of dirt on the ground, it was just dim. Only moments before everything seemed vibrant, bursting with texture and colors. Now, only dimness.

I was only half aware of the speed we were going, and that I was strapped tightly to Edward’s back listlessly. The trees that seemed so bright and vibrant when we were hunting now passed dimly, almost eerily. I don’t know how I ended up on Edward’s back. My hands were still balled into fists, my jaw was still locked.

I recognized the big white house. I even remembered who lives there. Things were beginning to make sense again, almost. I could hear Edward’s voice more clearly now. It was velvety, flawless. Each word poured out so smoothly. He adjusted the tone of his voice with each word, making it melodic, harmonious.

“Carlisle, Renesmee is gone. She was sleeping… then…I can’t explain now. We need to find her. Please, everyone, start searching all over. We’ll keep going until we find her. I don’t care how long it takes or how far we have to go.” Edward’s face somehow seemed more pale than ever. A perfectly white canvas. His words, however, no longer seemed harmonious.

I looked up at Edward in disbelief. I couldn’t comprehend why he would say something like that to Carlisle. Was he trying to play some kind of sick joke on the rest of the Cullens? They looked scared, too. They were all gone, out the door instantaneously. I felt bad for them, and, I was afraid of Edward. I gazed at him and I could feel that my facial expression was clouded with fear. He looked angry. Too angry to be joking. Maybe, he wasn’t playing a trick on the Cullens.

Edward’s words echoed in my head. “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…” “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…” “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…” “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…” “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…” “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…” “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…”

Everything flashed before my eyes. I saw Alice bringing Nessie back home to sleep, Edward and I reading Renesmee two stories while she dozed off, Jacob coming by to watch her sleep, Edward and I hunting. I even remembered Edward’s smooth glass lips pressed onto my head after we finished hunting. Then, I remembered the almost deafening howls of Jacob. The last thing I remember hearing was “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…”

I was resurfacing now. My comprehensibility was returning. I could hear the wolf howls perfectly in the distance. I even recognized who all three wolves were. Jacob, Seth and Leah. They all have distinct pitches which I’ve come to know off hand from spending so much time with them all when the Volturi were coming for Nessie. The dimness lifted and everything seemed almost more bright than usual now. My feet no longer felt bolted to the ground. I could hear Edward’s voice perfectly clear. “Bella, are you ok. Bella. Please Bella, say something. Anything.”

I was about to say something for the first time when Alice uncharacteristically almost stomped into the house with a pained expression on her face and forced out the words that would make me go from being a stupid lamb to a sick masochistic lion.

“It’s Baylor. We caught his scent behind the cabin. We followed it as far as we could through the woods… but it disappeared. We’re going to split up and track him. Keep your phones on you, Bella… Edward.” It wasn’t even half a second before Alice was back out the door.

Rage. Anger. Fury. I was completely and irrevocably consumed by these emotions.

To be Continued…

Tags: Bella Cullen, Edward Cullen, Charlie Swan, Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn, Alice Cullen, Jasper Hale, Rosalie Hale, Emmett Cullen

Dear Diary (she’s gone)

My entire body was frozen – departed from my mind which was moving a million miles an hour. The lifelessness in my body was battling with the outrage, placing me in an almost fog – like confusion. I stood still in my crouch, my lips stretched over my teeth for half a second before the outrage finally won. I didn’t have a chance to look at Edward, but I could hear his growls and sense his indignation…
*****************************************************************************************

Renesmee, to my surprise, had a great time playing dress up with Alice. She loved trying on the dresses that were far too long on her and the heels that she could barely stand in. Although Nessie is shy, she really opens up around Alice. She laughs a lot and her voice becomes more animated than normal. Her eyes are always wide with curiosity as Alice explains the difference between real and knock off designer labels and other fashion related topics. I’m extremely grateful to have everyone around, to offer Renesmee the things I can’t. Alice is there for her if she ever needs fashion advice. It’s good to have Emmett because he can teach her to play sports… or at least try. Rosalie can teach her how to fix cars and Jasper likes to teach her about numerous history related topics. I can’t forget about Jacob, of course. He’s always there to keep Nessie protected and make her feel more loved than any almost two year old in the world, pretty much. I couldn’t ask for a better family to help Edward and I take care of our nudger. She is very lucky… and so are we.

Alice had brought Renesmee back to our cabin after the dress up party. She was still wearing a black gown that was way too long for her, and a beautiful set of pearls on her almost translucent neck. Edward scooped Nessie up and brought her into her room to put on her favorite pj’s and get her ready for bed. After Alice left, I joined Edward in Nessie’s room to read her some stories before she dozed off.

Renesmee was already in a deep sleep by the time Jacob came by. He said he wanted to see Nessie before she went to sleep. He was too late, but asked if he could stay to watch her sleep anyway.This isn’t uncommon for Jacob. When he feels the need to see her he’ll stop by, anytime. He often comes by in the middle of the night just to watch her sleep. He sits by her bed and sometimes we even catch him humming to her. Reminds me of someone.

Edward and I hadn’t hunted in days, and we were feeling somewhat weak from our thirst. Since Jacob was already with Nessie, watching her sleep, we asked if he could stay a little longer to watch her while we went out to hunt. Of course he didn’t mind.

Our hunt was uneventful, like usual. Actually, it was a little too easy. The deers come out closer to the edge of the forest at night, so we didn’t even have to go that deep into the woods. In fact, the edge of the forest was circled by glowing, round beady eyes, all watching Edward and I – waiting for us to make our move, and we did.

I got my deer first. Edward has this thing with making me go first so he can watch me. He thinks it’s entertaining, still. I don’t think he’ll ever get used to seeing me attack and drain the blood from my prey. I don’t blame him, though, considering he once had to drag me to the nurses office in school when we were blood typing.

Once I was done, Edward attacked his deer so fast I almost missed it. He was thirsty.
The forest was quiet, peaceful. Edward walked quickly toward me then leaned over and pressed his beautiful rock lips onto the top of my head. I am still always completely blown away with his perfection. When he’s near me, I feel like I want him closer than what’s even possible. I want him completely pressed against my body, no space in between. Sometimes, it feels like I can’t get close enough, like I want to drape him all over myself like a sheet and get lost in him. Like I want him to clasp me into his strong, solid arms and never let go. Never. I feel selfish, though. I get to spend eternity with this Godlike statuesque beauty, yet I want more.

I leaned up and kissed him back, pushing the selfish thoughts from my head. I never thought this serene, beautiful moment would be followed by a living hell. Jacob’s high pitched howl was almost deafening. My entire body was frozen – departed from my mind which was moving a million miles an hour. The lifelessness of my body was battling with the outrage, placing me in an almost fog – like confusion. I stood still in my crouch, my lips stretched over my teeth for half a second before the outrage finally won. I didn’t have a chance to look at Edward, but I could hear his growls and sense his indignation.

As soon as we were close enough to the cabin that Edward could read Jacob’s mind, he confirmed my deepest fear. “It’s Nessie.” His voice broke with her name. Jacob’s russet fur was standing on end, his teeth exposed and snapping louder than I thought possible. I broke free from my fog-like state long enough to demand that Edward tell me what Jacob was thinking. I wanted him to suck the words back up and swallow them as soon as they came out. “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone…”

Tags: Renesmee Cullen, Bella Cullen, Edward Cullen, Twilight, New Moon, Breaking Dawn, Eclipse, Jacob Black

Dear Diary (Clumsy)

I really thought my clumsiness would have disappeared along with the blood in my veins and my beating heart. It didn’t, though. I still stumble and trip, and I run into things a lot, too. I’m not perfect like him. Edward carries himself with the grace of an angel while I am constantly on the verge of tripping over my own feet or smashing my stone like body into a glass door. Yes, I did that.

Then there’s Alice. She carries herself with so much poise and grace that I often wonder if she’s floating. She’s so tiny, and her movements seem almost motionless. Alice, too, is very shocked that I haven’t become more breezy and poised since being turned. I have improved, of course, just not a lot from what I remember and from what Edward and Charlie tell me.
My outer appearance would suggest that I’m at least slightly graceful, but looks can be deceiving. In comparison to Alice’s elegant, almost harmonious movements, I’m pretty much a walking immortal accident waiting to happen – which is why Alice decided to devote the entire day to giving me a lesson… or ten on how to be more “chic”…as she likes to call it.

In order to be the part, I had to dress the part. Alice’s words, not mine. For the lesson, Alice made me wear a cream colored, silk, floor length empire waist gown with black lace trim. I didn’t like the dress, but I loved Edward’s reaction when he walked into the room. His sculpted jaw dropped slightly and his butterscotch eyes grew along with his bewildered expression. Alice cleared up the confusion in a hurry, though. “No Edward, we’re not planning another wedding for you and Bella. You just had your first one not too long ago. I’ll wait a little longer before I start bugging for another wedding.” Great. Alice is unstoppable. I’m not fond of large celebrations, but having a second wedding with Edward doesn’t seem like the worst thing that could happen. Maybe one day. Probably soon, if Alice has any say.

Edward’s face retracted back to it’s perfect normal set, almost. His eyes remained larger than normal and seemed to be glued to me. I thought he was trying to tell me he wanted to talk to me in private, but he assured me otherwise. “You’re beautiful Bella. Perfect. And, for the record, I would marry you a hundred times. Alice, don’t change my perfect angel too much, please. I love her the way she is. Clumsiness and all.” He grinned then disappeared into the room with the white piano and started playing a beautiful melody. Alice yelled after him. “Oh Edward, if immortality wasn’t enough to nix Bella’s clumsiness I’m sure I don’t stand a chance. It’s still fun trying, though.”

I suddenly felt like one of those dolls that comes with a number of different out fits. The ones that come with accessories like fancy pearls and numerous pairs of shoes. I need to make a mental note to pick a few of those dolls up for Alice. Maybe she will lay off me if she has a bunch of dress up dolls to poke and prod at instead.

Our first lesson was “Graceful Walking.” I have to admit, after a few pointers from Alice, I am actually lighter on my feet. It’s definitely been hard adjusting to my rock like body. It feels harder and heavier than ever – plus my strength naturally makes me thud when I walk. Alice taught me to be more aware of each movement, to think of each step as walking on delicate breakable ground. So far, it seems to be working. Emmett hasn’t been calling me “the vampire hulk” lately.

After completing a number of lessons, we were finally on our last lesson. “How To Dress Elegantly For Your Body Type.” I didn’t know ‘cold hard stone’ was a body type, but in the end I learned how to pair the right shoes with the proper jeans. Though I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing the heels Alice tried to convince me to wear, I now know that they supposedly elongate your legs, thinning them and adding height and grace to your appearance. Thanks, Alice.

After she was done with me, Alice thought she should get a head start on Renesmee. She’s terrified of Nessie becoming a “clumsy fashion faux pas” once she’s fully grown. Again, her words, not mine. I felt bad for my little nudger, but she loves being with her Aunt Alice. Besides, once I get Alice those dress up dolls, Nessie will be saved. Hopefully. Edward was back at the cabin by the time Alice finished with me so I went back to be with him, still in my silk gown. By this time, Alice had put soft ringlets in my hair and a white flower in the crown she braided around my head.

Edward was more than pleased…

Will write again soon.

-Bella.

Tags: Renesmee Cullen, Bella Cullen, Edward Cullen, Twilight, New Moon, Breaking Dawn, Eclipse, Jacob Black