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July

29th

Fan Made Breaking Dawn Poster! How cool is this…!?!

This is definitely a neat looking Breaking Dawn poster! I actually cannot wait to see the official posters for Breaking Dawn. I know it’s FAR away, but I can’t wait to see pregnant Bella & scared Edward. LOL. The artist of this beaut’ of a poster is ~krisi932. & I found this at Twilight Guide!

XO

 

July

18th

Dear Diary (Ruby Eyes)

Charlie’s eyes are still a startling crimson color. They haven’t faded, at all. Unusual. In fact, they seem to be becoming more bright with time. He only drinks the blood of animals, and hasn’t ever fed off a human, ever. Normally, only vampires who drink human blood – and, of course,  newborns – have such a frighteningly red eye color. Mine are now completely golden, and turn black when I’m extremely hungry.

Wearing contacts around all the time isn’t a realistic option for Charlie. He hates them. Sunglasses just look suspicious. It’s Forks after all. Always gloomy – no need for sunglasses. Although Charlie likes to joke that he’s “defected,” I’m actually worried. Unlike humans, our kind have not been studied so in depth. Even Carlise is uncertain as to why Charlie’s eyes are still the same burning shade of red they were the first day he became one of us, if not brighter.

We have to move, too. Carlisle doesn’t want to go to New Hampshire until we figure out what it is that’s keeping Charlie’s eyes from turning golden. He doesn’t see the point in causing suspicion about what we are in two different towns. If the good people of Hanover, New Hampshire were to somehow see Charlie’s eyes, we would have to leave immediately. We’re going to remain here, in Forks, until Carlisle can fully understand why Charlie is different from the rest of us.

As of right now, Carlise only has one theory. And so far, it’s nothing more than just a theory, either.  When Charlie was shot in the line of duty, Carlisle had to operate. Charlie was left with an infection in his chest, extremely close to his heart. Carlisle thinks that maybe – because part of Charlie’s heart was calloused from the wound – the venom couldn’t spread throughout his entire heart. Therefore Charlie could still have some blood flowing through his body. Not a lot, or enough to consider him “alive” – but enough to keep his eyes a flaming, almost liquid ruby color. Enough for him to still have a extraordinarily feeble heart beat.

Until Carlisle does some sort of test, we wont know for certain, though. It’s extremely confusing not only to Carlisle, but to all of us. Charlie only craves blood, and like any other vampire, he can’t stand the taste of food and describes it as tasting like “dirt” or “mud.” He’s strong, fast, cold-skinned and even has a gift. Everything else is the same, except his eyes.

I don’t mind that our move has been delayed. It wont be put off for too long, anyway. Carlisle will work fast to figure this out – and when he does, I’ll be sure to let you all know if his theory was indeed right – or if there’s some other hidden reason. Right now, I only care about Charlie’s safety. Carlisle is almost one hundred percent sure that Charlie is okay, but I know I’ll be a nervous wreck until I know for sure. Until something has been confirmed, proven.

In other news, Renee wants to come visit… without Phil. She called today and the tone of her voice was somewhat dreary. When I asked if everything was okay, she assured me that everything was “fine,” but I know Renee better than that. When I asked about Phil – and why he wasn’t coming – she danced around my questions and gave me quick, mindless responses.

I told her I would get back to her about a good time to visit. Told her I needed to talk to the family to make sure everyone agreed on a date. Really, I’m just buying some time to figure out how, exactly, we’re going to work her into a house full of vampires – and somehow keep it a secret, and keep her alive. We’ll probably have her visit at Charlie’s house in town, and just have Charlie, Edward, Renesmee and myself stay with her at the house, while Carlise, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, Alice – and of course Jacob – stop in for a visit or two.

I know Renee will ask questions, and notice that we do things that normal humans don’t, but I’m prepared to handle anything she throws my way. I wont make the same mistake I did with Charlie, by telling him what we are. I wont risk our lives, or hers. She can suspect what she wants, but I’ll never admit to anything and will do whatever it takes to hide the truth. Anything. For her safety, and the safety of the rest of my family.

For now I’m going to go read the ending of my favorite book, Edward’s Diary. I’m almost completely through the second one. I have to say, if it were possible for me to cry – the pages of that diary would be nothing but wet, smeared ink. Sometimes I find myself re-reading certain lines that Edward wrote about me; trying to digest the emotion behind every word. Of course, I’ll eventually post more entries from Edward, too.

Will Write Again Soon,

-Bella Cullen

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July

4th

Dear Diary (Edward’s Diary)

I couldn’t have prepared myself enough for how deeply consumed I would become with reading Edward’s Diary. It’s been absolutely heartbreaking reading the black book with the red ribbon wrapped around it. The one from before Edward met me.

I’m not ready to post one of his diary entries yet, but one quote from what I’ve read  has stood out more so than anything I’ve read so far in his diary -more than anything Edward has ever said.

“The days flow numbly into the nights. There is no separation between the two. I have nothing to live for – yet here I am, a blood-thirsty immortal. A vampire. I wish Carlisle would have let me slip away, let me die. I was only a few breaths away from resting in peace, forever. Instead, I’m stuck here, trying to figure out what the point of my existence is, exactly. Trying to fight my urges – wanting nothing more, yet nothing less than to be a masochistic monster. Although I know Carlisle had good intentions, I also know for certain that I have no intentions of living forever. My destruction wont be easy, but in the end, I know I cannot live in this dark, lonely world forever. Nothing will stop me from eventually abandoning this perplexing, abstruse existence of mine. Nothing.”

When I think of a world without Edward, all I see is a dark, black hole. Nothingness. It’s hard to digest the fact that Edward could have had himself destroyed, and that what we have could have so easily never existed. Renesmee… immortality… eternal love…none of this would have happened. If I never would have met Edward, I wouldn’t have ever known what unconditional love was. I would have never known what it’s like to love someone so much, that you’d give your life for them. To be with them, always.

Reading Edward’s diary, so far, has made me appreciate him more than ever – if that’s even possible. My understanding of the things he has had to ensure is becoming more and more clear with each page I read. Edward’s writings are so powerful, so profound. It was all written a long time ago, too – and it can be hard to understand at times, but Edward helps me with the parts that aren’t clear to me.

Earlier today, Jacob was visiting – spending time with Renesmee, of course. Edward and Alice went to go look at this years Porsche Turbo’s together, which meant I had some time alone to kill. In that time, I managed to read a rather large chunk of the black book that had the red ribbon on it – that I now use as a bookmark. I stumbled across one entry of his that I would like to share with you next time I write.

For now, I’m going to see what Charlie is up to. I think he was mentioning something about him and I hunting together. I have to admit, it’s odd when bonding with your Dad goes from sharing a pizza and running through the days events at the dinner table, to tackling wild animals and drinking their blood together.

-Bella

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April

27th

Dear Diary (Rage. Anger. Fury.)

My jaw was locked, eyes frozen on the ground. For the first time since becoming a strong, almost indestructible vampire, I felt weak. Weaker than a human. My hands were rolled into balls, locked and unable to open. I couldn’t move. My feet felt fastened to the ground. Even if I wanted to crumble and fall, I couldn’t. I couldn’t do anything.

His voice echoed in my ear, vaguely. The voice of an angel. It was calming, yet had a worried undertone to it. I couldn’t make out the words he was saying, though. In the distance I could almost hear an inhuman noise. It sounded like high pitched crying. It was constant, non stop. Within seconds the noise grew; doubled, then tripled.

The angels voice was being drowned out by the howls. Right . . . howls. I felt accomplished once I realized the inhuman noise was Jacob, and that he had at least two other wolves with him. I felt like a child, trying to understand the most basic sounds.

My normal drastically sharp vision was now dimmed. I could still see every texture on the twigs below me; I could see every tiny grain of dirt on the ground, but it was somehow dim. Only moments before everything seemed vibrant, bursting with texture and colors. Now, only dimness.

I was only half aware of the speed we were going, and that I was strapped tightly to Edward’s back listlessly. The trees that seemed so bright and vibrant when we were hunting were eerily lackluster. I don’t know how I ended up on Edward’s back. My hands were still balled into fists, my jaw was still locked.

I recognized the big white house. I even remembered who lives there. Things were beginning to make sense again. Almost. I could hear Edward’s voice more clearly now. It was velvety, flawless. Each word poured out so smoothly. He adjusted the tone of his voice with each word, making it melodic, harmonious.

“Carlisle, Renesmee is gone. She was sleeping . . .  then . . . I can’t explain now. We need to find her. Please, everyone, start searching all over. We’ll keep going until we find her. I don’t care how long it takes or how far we have to go.” Edward’s face somehow seemed more pale than normal, more pale than porcelain. A perfectly white canvas. His words, however, no longer seemed harmonious.

I looked up at Edward in disbelief. I couldn’t comprehend why he would say something like that to Carlisle. Was he trying to play some kind of sick joke on the rest of the Cullens? They looked scared, too. They were all gone, out the door, instantaneously.

I felt bad for them, and I was afraid of Edward. I gazed at him and I could feel that my facial expression was clouded with fear, fogged with confusion. He looked angry. Too angry to be joking. Maybe, he wasn’t playing a trick on the Cullens.

Edward’s words echoed in my head.

“It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone.” “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone.” “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone.”

“Someone has her.”

“Someone has her.”

“She’s gone.”

“She’s gone.”

“She’s gone.”

Everything flashed before my eyes. I saw Alice bringing Nessie back home to sleep, Edward and I reading Renesmee two stories while she dozed off, Jacob coming by to watch her sleep, Edward and I hunting. I even remembered Edward’s smooth glass lips pressed onto my head after we finished hunting. Then I remembered the almost deafening howls of Jacob. The last thing I remember hearing was, “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone. . . ”

I was resurfacing now.

My comprehensibility was returning. I could hear the wolf howls perfectly in the distance. I even recognized who all three wolves were. Jacob, Seth and Leah.They all have distinct pitches which I’ve come to know off hand from spending so much time with them all when the Volturi were coming for Nessie.

The dimness lifted and everything seemed almost more bright than usual now. My feet no longer felt bolted to the ground. I could hear Edward’s voice crystal clear.

“Bella, are you okay. Bella. Please Bella, say something. Anything.”

I was about to say something for the first time when Alice uncharacteristically stomped into the house with a pained expression on her face and forced out the words that would make me go from being a stupid lamb to a sick, masochistic lion.

“It’s Baylor. We caught his scent behind the cabin. We followed it as far as we could through the woods. . .  but it disappeared. We’re going to split up and track him. Keep your phones on you, Bella–Edward.” It wasn’t even half a second before Alice was back out the door.

Rage. Anger. Fury. I was completely and irrevocably consumed by these emotions.

To be Continued . . .

 

April

25th

Dear Diary (She’s Gone)

My entire body was frozen, departed from my mind–which was moving a million miles an hour. The lifelessness in my body was battling with the outrage, placing me in a fog-like confusion. I stood still in my crouch, my lips stretched over my teeth for half a second before the outrage finally won. I didn’t have a chance to look at Edward, but I could hear his growls and sense his indignation.

•••

Renesmee, to my surprise, had a great time playing dress up with Alice. She loved trying on the dresses that were far too long for her, and heels that she could barely stand in. Although Nessie is shy, she really opens up around Alice. She laughs a lot and her voice becomes more animated than normal. Her eyes are always wide with curiosity as Alice explains the difference between real and knock-off designer labels, and other fashion-related topics.

I’m extremely grateful to have everyone around, to offer Renesmee the things I can’t. Alice is there for her if she ever needs fashion advice. It’s good to have Emmett because he can teach her how to play sports, or at least try to. Renesmee isn’t a huge sports fan. Rosalie can teach her how to fix cars, and Jasper likes to teach her about numerous history-related topics.

I can’t forget about Jacob, of course. He’s always there to keep Nessie protected and he makes her feel more loved than any almost two year old in the world, pretty much. I couldn’t ask for a better family to help Edward and I take care of our Nudger. She is very lucky . . . and so are we.

Alice had brought Renesmee back to our cabin after the dress up party. She was still wearing a black gown that was way too long for her, and a beautiful set of pearls on her almost translucent neck. Edward scooped Nessie up and brought her into her room to put on her favorite pj’s and get her ready for bed. After Alice left, I joined Edward in Nessie’s room to read her some stories before she dozed off.

Renesmee was already in a deep sleep by the time Jacob came by. He said he wanted to see Nessie before she went to sleep. He was too late, but asked if he could stay to watch her sleep anyway. This isn’t uncommon for Jacob. When he feels the need to see her he’ll stop by, anytime. He often comes by in the middle of the night just to watch her sleep. He sits by her bed, and sometimes we even catch him humming to her.

Edward and I hadn’t hunted in days, and we were feeling somewhat weak from our thirst. Since Jacob was already with Nessie, watching her sleep, we asked if he could stay a little longer to watch her while we went out to hunt. Of course he didn’t mind.

Our hunt was uneventful, like usual. Actually, it was a little too easy. The deers come out closer to the edge of the forest at night, so we didn’t even have to go that deep in. In fact, the edge of the forest was circled by glowing, round, beady eyes, all watching Edward and I, waiting for us to make our move. And we did.

I got my deer first. Edward has this thing with making me go first so he can watch me. He thinks it’s entertaining, still. I don’t think he’ll ever get used to seeing me attack and drain the blood from my prey. I don’t blame him, though, considering he once had to drag me to the nurses office in school when we were blood typing.

Once I was done, Edward attacked his deer so fast I almost missed it. He was thirsty.
The forest was quiet, peaceful. Edward walked quickly toward me then leaned over and pressed his beautiful smooth lips to the top of my head. I am still always completely blown away with his perfection. When he’s near me, I feel like I want him closer than what’s even possible. I want him completely pressed against my body, no space in between. Sometimes it feels like I can’t get close enough, like I want to drape him all over myself like a sheet and get lost in him. Like I want him to clasp me into his strong, solid arms and never let go. Never. I feel selfish, though. I get to spend eternity with this God-like, statuesque, beauty–yet I want more of him. I leaned up and kissed him back, pushing the selfish thoughts from my head.

I never thought this beautiful, serene moment would be followed by a living hell. Jacob’s high pitched howl was almost deafening. My body froze, departed from my mind–which was moving a million miles an hour.

The lifelessness of my body was battling with the mental outrage I felt, placing me in a fog-like confusion. I stood still in my crouch, my lips stretched over my teeth for half a second before the outrage finally won. I didn’t have a chance to look at Edward, but I could hear his growls and sense his indignation.

As soon as we were close enough to the cabin that Edward could read Jacob’s mind, he confirmed my deepest fear. “It’s Nessie.” His voice broke with her name. Jacob’s russet fur was standing on end, his teeth exposed and snapping so hard I thought his teeth would crack.

I broke free from my fog-like state long enough to demand that Edward tell me what Jacob was thinking. But I wanted him to suck the words back up and swallow them as soon as they came out. “It’s Nessie. Someone has her. She’s gone . . . . “

-Bella

 

April

22nd

Dear Diary (Clumsy)

I really thought my clumsiness would have disappeared along with the blood in my veins, and my beating heart. But it didn’t–not completely. I still stumble and trip, and I run into things a lot, too. I’m not perfect like him. Edward carries himself with the grace of an angel, while I am constantly on the verge of tripping over my own feet or smashing my stone-like body into a glass door. Yes, I did that.

Then there’s Alice. She carries herself with so much poise and grace that I often wonder if she’s floating. She’s so tiny, and her movements seem almost motionless. Alice, too, is very shocked that I haven’t become more breezy and poised since being turned. Poise and grace normally come with the change.

I have improved a great deal from my time as a human, of course, but I’m not as effortlessly graceful as the others. It’s all vague to me, but Edward tells me that as a human, I was so clumsy that he genuinely feared for my fragile life.

My outer appearance would suggest that I’m at least slightly graceful, but looks can be deceiving. In comparison to Alice’s elegant, harmonious movements, I’m pretty much a walking immortal accident waiting to happen–which is why Alice decided to devote the entire day to giving me a lesson–or ten–on how to be more ‘chic’, as she likes to call it.

In order to be the part, I had to dress the part. Alice’s words, not mine. For the lesson, Alice made me wear a silk, cream colored, floor-length, empire-waist gown with black lace trim. I didn’t like the dress, but I loved Edward’s reaction when he walked into the room. His sculpted jaw dropped slightly and his butterscotch eyes grew along with his bewildered expression.

Alice cleared up the confusion in a hurry, though. “No Edward, we’re not planning another wedding for you and Bella. You just had your first one not too long ago. I’ll wait a little longer before I start bugging for another wedding.”

Great.

Alice is unstoppable. I’m not fond of large celebrations, but having a second wedding with Edward doesn’t seem like the worst thing that could happen. Maybe one day. Probably soon, if Alice has any say.

Edward’s face retracted back to its perfect normal set, almost. His eyes remained larger than normal, and appeared to be glued to me. I thought he was trying to tell me he wanted to talk to me in private, but he assured me otherwise. “You’re beautiful, Bella. Perfect. And, for the record, I would marry you a hundred times. Alice, don’t change my perfect angel too much, please. I love her the way she is. Clumsiness and all.” He grinned then disappeared into the room with the white piano and started playing a beautiful melody.

Alice yelled after him. “Oh Edward, if immortality wasn’t enough to nix Bella’s clumsiness I’m sure I don’t stand a chance. It’s still fun trying, though.”

I suddenly felt like one of those dolls that comes with a number of different outfits. The ones that come with accessories like fancy pearls and numerous pairs of shoes. I need to make a mental note to pick a few of those dolls up for Alice. Maybe she will lay off me if she has a bunch of dress-up dolls to poke and prod at instead.

First lesson: Graceful Walking.

I have to admit, after a few pointers from Alice, I am actually lighter on my feet. It’s definitely been hard adjusting to my rock-like body. It feels harder and heavier than ever, plus my strength naturally makes me thud when I walk. Alice taught me to be more aware of each movement, to think of each step as walking on delicate, breakable ground. So far, it seems to be working. Emmett hasn’t been calling me “The Vampire Hulk” much lately.

After completing a number of lessons, we were finally on our last: How To Dress Elegantly For Your Body Type.

I didn’t know cold-hard-stone was a body type, but in the end I learned how to pair the right shoes with the proper jeans. Though I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing the heels Alice tried to convince me to wear, I now know that they supposedly elongate your legs, thinning them and adding height and grace to your appearance. Thanks, Alice.

After Alice was done with me, she thought she should get a head start on Renesmee. She’s terrified of Nessie becoming a ‘clumsy fashion faux pas’ once she’s fully grown. Again, her words, not mine. I felt bad for my little Nudger, but she loves being with Aunt Alice. Besides, once I get Alice those dress up dolls, Nessie will be saved. Hopefully.

Edward was back at the cabin by the time Alice finished with me, so I went back to be with him, still in my silk gown. By this time, Alice had put soft ringlets in my hair and a white flower in the crown she braided around my head.

Edward was more than pleased . . . .

Will write again soon.

-Bella.

 

March

9th

Dear Diary (From Mother To Daughter)

Edward could see how much I’d been hurting over the past while over Charlie’s shooting. He could see every emotion flow through me, from confusion, to anger. He could also tell how hard I was trying to conceal those emotions, to keep them hidden from Nessie. I never want to make her worry.

Earlier today, Nessie showed Edward and I her thoughts. When she touched us we saw her, Charlie, Jacob, Edward and myself gathered in Charlie’s living room. Charlie looked healthy and happy. We were all laughing and having a good time. It was a simple thought, but it brought a smile to my face. To see Charlie back to his normal self, to see us all together like that, it felt good.

Edward was very grateful for the thought, too. When I hurt, he hurts. I wish it wasn’t like that. I wish he didn’t feel my pain, but that is all part of giving yourself to another person. I gave all of me to him and he gave all of himself to me.

I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw Edward walk into the room with my old rocking chair. The one that used to sit in the corner of my bedroom at Charlie’s house.

It looked different.

He had the chair refinished, and the words, “From Mother To Daughter” carved into the back panel. It looked as if he used a machine to carve the words, but he had completely done the whole thing himself.

The writing was so perfect. So smooth. So… beautiful.

Edward didn’t take his eyes off me when he said, “From one angel, to another. I made this for you, Nessie. It was your Mother’s.”

My expression must have been animated, because Edward flashed that crooked grin at me and raised one eyebrow. He had a playful, yet curious expression on his face. I let him into my mind to show him how much this meant to me. He spoke again, in a voice that seemingly gets more musical with every word. “This chair brings back great memories of the nights I used to have to watch you in your sleep to get close to you, Bella. Though I am quite fine standing, I enjoyed sitting in this chair because it had your scent on it. I thought it would look great in Nessie’s room, and maybe –if Jacob can fit – he can sit in there and watch her, like I used to watch you.”

Nessie was already rocking in the chair, smiling and twisting her head back to examine the carved words on the back. She ran her little fingers over the words and smiled. This meant more to me than I could express. And, most importantly, it would hopefully distract Nessie from my roller coaster emotions for the time being.

I gave Edward three soft, slow kisses on his chin, then thanked him one more time before heading over to the hospital to visit with Charlie for the last time before he would be released.

Carlisle said Charlie’s infection was all cleared up, and his wounds were healing nicely. He had color back in his face, too. His arm was still a little bit numb from the bullet that hit him in the shoulder, but Carlisle said that, with time, the numbness would fade and he would regain full strength in that arm.

I will be picking Charlie up in the afternoon. I spent last night watching him sleep, and fighting the scorching hot knives that were stabbing my throat, or seemed to be. The scents that flow through the hospital are tortuous, but being by Charlie’s side was the most important thing to me. Besides, I always felt safe knowing I had Carlisle there to help me when temptation became too much.

I have to run now. Edward and I are going to go decorate Charlie’s house with a “Welcome Home” banner, balloons, cake and a new flat screen T.V. we bought for him. He will be resting up on the couch quite a bit, and his old flat screen wasn’t very big, plus it was becoming outdated. We want him to feel like he’s part of the baseball game when it’s on. I think he’s going to be happy.

Will write again soon.

-Bella Cullen.

 

March

1st

Dear Diary (Charlie Is Hurt)

The amount of anger I am experiencing at this moment is unexplainable. I can’t write for long, as I have a lot happening right now. This is the first time I have felt the full potential of my vampire-strength, the first time since being turned that I have considered killing a human.

Charlie was shot in the line of duty yesterday.

A group of punks made their way to Forks from Seattle in an attempt the run from the police there. They were involved in a shooting in Seattle, and killed two people.
Charlie was on duty and got a call regarding ‘suspicious behavior’ occurring about one kilometre from the diner. A witness stated that as soon as Charlie arrived on the scene, as soon as he stepped out of his cruiser, he was shot.

Three times.

Once in the lung. Once in the right shoulder, and once in his chest – so close to his heart that Carlisle said if it shifted at all, it could stop his heart.

The criminals are still out there, too. Edward has been trying to read peoples thoughts all day to find out where they are. He wants to turn them in. I, however, want to kill them. Edward keeps reminding me of what could happen if I did anything to harm the humans, but I just don’t know if I can stop myself. This desire to kill, this anger, is overwhelming. It’s eating away at me. I cannot let them get away with what they have done to my Father. For nearly taking his life.

I don’t know what I’m going to do once we track them down. I can’t trust myself.

In the meantime, I’m heading back to the hospital to speak to Carlisle about Charlies progress, and to be by Charlies side.  Nessie, Edward, Jacob, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, Esme and Sue are there already. I came home for a few hours to gather myself… the smell of blood in the hospital became hard for me to handle. I’ll up date you on Charlie’s progress when I can.

I have some punks to go hunt down.

I hope we find them soon…

-Bella

 

February

21st

Dear Diary (Back From Isle Esme)

Having speed, strength, immortality… it’s great. However, the simple things – like being able to spend time at Isle Esme with Edward without him having to fear for my life, my safety – mean the most to me.

This was our real honeymoon. Our chance to be together, without fear, without questions and without the pain of a half-human, half-vampire child growing inside of me. It was the best honeymoon anyone could have asked for.

“I cannot live without my life! I cannot die without my soul.”
-Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights)

This was the quote Edward had inscribed onto the bracelet he had waiting for me at Isle Esme. He’s known for a long time about my inexplicable fascination with Wuthering Heights and, without my knowing, he re-read the entire novel and picked it apart in an attempt to understand me better. He said this quote meant a lot to him, and reminded him of when he thought he had lost me when Nessie was growing at incredible speeds inside of me. He felt guilty, as if he were my killer, much like how Heathcliff felt about Catherine Earnshaw.

This bracelet means a lot to me. So much thought was put into it, and the fact that it means a lot to Edward makes it even more special. I wear it on the opposite wrist of the silver bracelet Jacob gave me with the tiny wooden wolf – which later was accompanied by a small heart shaped crystal from Edward.

It is made of white gold, and feels smooth in texture against my cold, hard wrist. The quote is engraved along the front, and where it ends, the clasp for adjusting the bracelet begins. It’s really beautiful, almost as beautiful as Edward.

While at Isle Esme, Edward showed me how great it feels to be under the clear blue water with the ability to go without oxygen indefinitely. Everything under the water was so clear to me. Every grain of sand sparkled from a different direction as the sun beamed down  into the water. Every bubble vanished almost as fast at it came. Every creature had a different texture, clearly visible to me, even under the dark water.

It was incredible, breathtaking.

Aside from swimming with the porpoises, we watched the sunset every single night and spent time in the small jungle. Everything was so vibrant. The colors on the parrots, the texture of their feathers, the green of the jungle, the suns rays beaming off the water. It was all so beautiful. I vaguely remember my first time at Isle Esme, and though it still seemed beautiful… it was nothing like this.

I somehow feel selfish for the amount of closeness I got with Edward during our visit. Laying on the sand watching the sun set, twisted around him and feeling his lips press against the top of my head was the best feeling in the world. We spent countless hours laughing together, exploring the island, watching sappy movies, discussing our future together – and of course, we took advantage of our ability to be fearlessly intimate.

Kaure was there. The cleaning lady who is quite frankly petrified of Edward; who Edward believes is onto something. When she first saw me, she hastily mumbled a bunch of words I couldn’t understand, looked me up-and-down, then again… and again, then she finally ran off after a single bead of sweat slowly began to drip down the side of her face. I suspect she sees that I am different now. She suspects I am one of them.

When Edward and I returned back to Forks, we couldn’t wait to see Nessie. For the first time in my life, I understood why Charlie would get so excited to see me every summer, and why it hurt him so much to see me go back home after my visits with him. We missed Nessie so much and it literally hurt to be away from her.

Aside from all of our fun, we are happy to be back with our family. Nessie updated us on her adventures with Jacob, while Emmett interrupted to updated Edward on the baseball scores. Not surprisingly, Nessie grew a little more and seems smarter than she was when we had left her. The rate at which she learns is astonishing to see.

Right now, Edward and I are growing more and more in love by the day. It’s funny how one day you truly believe you are as in love as you could possibly be. The thought of being more in love confuses you because you believe you’ve achieved the highest degree of love there is, only to discover the next day that you’ve fallen even deeper, somehow.

I’m going to go to the meadow with Jake, Renesmee and Edward now. We all love to go out there and watch Nessie roam around and be free. She always wants to be there… she feels safe in the meadow. I will write again soon to keep you updated on our lives!

-Bella

 

February

13th

Dear Diary (Packing)

Edward, Nessie and I spent the day with Charlie and Sue. Sue cooked a huge dinner for everyone. We had insisted on coming over after dinner, and insisted… and insisted. They didn’t seem to want to take “no” for an answer though. Once there, we had to play it off like we had forgotten she was cooking and said we already ate. That was odd. Something I’m getting somewhat used to though.

After dinner I helped Sue clean the table and dishes. She accidentally bumped into me and her eyes widened. I half smiled at her before she blurted out, “Wow Bella, your body feels rock hard. Have you been working out?”

Great.

I told her I had been frequenting the local gym and that it was something Edward and I do together. Edward chimed in and said something jokingly about how he’s my personal trainer. Luckily she didn’t question any further.

When we got home, I started packing for Isle Esme. Edward and I are leaving tomorrow afternoon (Valentines Day) to begin our second honeymoon. Not everyone can say they have had a honeymoon as a mortal, and an immortal.

I am more in love with Edward than ever before, and I never thought it was possible to be more in love, but somehow it deepens between each sunrise and sunset.

This honeymoon is going to be surreal, kinda like everything in my life has been, I guess. We don’t have to hide from anyone, Edward doesn’t have to be careful and we get to enjoy the beautiful Isle Esme all over again. One thing I haven’t tried yet since being turned is swimming. I am more than excited to see how it feels. Watching Edward swim last time we were on the island made me a little envious. He was so carefree, so engrossed in the water and the dolphins.

I’m going to go finish packing with Edward now. Alice brought over a bunch of things for me to wear while I’m there. Most of it is extremely tiny and see–through, but I’m a little more confident with my new self. I don’t mind.

I will write again soon.

-Bella Cullen

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