Charlie’s brand new Cullen crest is in the form of a ring, similar to Carlisle’s, yet different enough to be able to tell them apart. I think, somehow, the ring makes Charlie feel more whole. This entire change, and introduction into a world of mythical creatures, has taken it’s toll on him. It left him trying to find his place, forever, in this world.
I know he wonders what he’s going to do with himself for so long. He worries about finding someone to spend eternity with. Edward tells me, of course. He tries to stay out of Charlie’s head as much as he can, but sometimes, I ask him to check in to make sure everything is okay. Especially when Charlie is being quiet.
A sense of belonging washed over Charlie’s face when he opened the box that held his ring. His bright red eyes seemed warmer, despite their eerie color. One side of his mouth curled up as he examined the ring before putting it on and I could tell he way happy, peaceful. He had been alone for so long, and now, he’s surrounded by a family who will always be there for him. He will never have to be lonely, and he knows that.
For Renesmee, it made the most sense to get her a bracelet, just in case one day someone wants to add something to it. Her link-clasp bracelet is 18k white gold, and glistens like an icicle against her pale skin. We discovered that she really loves the snow, so along with her Cullen crest charm, Edward got her a snowflake charm with round brilliant diamonds on just the tips of the snowflake.The bracelet is sweet and subtle. Perfect for her age.
If you asked me if we should give Jacob a Cullen crest of some sort, I wouldn’t even have to think about it. Yes. I would give him one in a heart beat. It’s not up to me, though. I haven’t been part of this family for nearly as long as the rest of the Cullens, and I wouldn’t ever want to offend them. They have a lot of pride in how they live, and I understand that. It’s difficult living the way we do, as ‘vegetarians,’ always fighting an intense urge to tear peoples limbs apart and have them as a snack.
Jake hasn’t ever had to feel the moral struggle; the burning, blazing fire in his throat reminding him of how easily he could tear up any human and drain their aromatic blood without wasting even the smallest drop. He struggles with what he is, too, but it’s different, less of a moral struggle.
I kept my thoughts to myself and let the Cullens deliberate for as long as they needed to. When I suggested we include Jacob, Carlisle didn’t seem shocked–in fact his face was blank, almost as though he had been expecting my proposal. I asked nicely. Actually, it was more of a suggestion.
When Carlisle asked me to come into his office, I bit my lower lip, anticipating the worst. Although it’s not my decision, I really hoped, for Jake’s sake, that they agreed to officially make him part of the family. I told myself not to show my disappointment if they decided against giving Jacob a Cullen crest. I wouldn’t want them to feel bad for their decision.
When I walked into the office Carlisle was standing over his desk looking down, his statuesque body still, motionless. He didn’t look up at me, he just grabbed a black box off the desk and started speaking, still not making eye contact with me.
“Jacob, well . . . when he transforms into a wolf, all of his belongings get shredded. Esme and I picked out this Cullen crest charm for him to attach to the string he keeps around his ankle, that way it will stay with him.” He finally looked up at me and smiled, twisting the box in my direction to show me the charm.
It was perfect. The hook was large and looked durable. And the crest itself, it had more of a warm, golden-color over it–almost as though someone painted gold flecks onto it. I picked it up out of the box and noticed it was a lot heavier than everyone else’s. Jake would need something stronger, something that would stay together, even after a long trek through the woods.
Edward came into the office as I was looking over the crest, examining every little detail. His half grin made him look conflicted, and he probably was. Edward can’t help but find it somewhat unusual that a werewolf has become such a prominent part of this family full of vampires. He trusts Jacob, but he worries, too. He worries about what could happen if Renesmee decides one day that she doesn’t want Jake around. Or, if she decides to have a relationship with a different boy when she’s older. I worry about that too. I don’t want Jake to get hurt anymore. I think I did a good enough job of that myself.
For now, we are just taking everything day by day. But while Jacob is here, and while he’s making Nessie so happy every day, we all consider him part of the Cullen family. Rosalie might not be completely sold, but, well . . . we never exactly expect her to be the most cooperative to begin with.
We all filed into Jacob’s little house in the back, and I kept the small black box hidden to my side. Carlisle spoke up first and let Jake know how much we all appreciate his presence in our lives.
One by one we all told Jacob how appreciative we were, and I think it confused him. While Alice was talking, Edward mumbled something under his breath about Jake’s thoughts. “He thinks we’re buttering him up to let him down softly. He thinks Carlisle and the rest of us have decided not to give him the crest.” Edward smiled and it seemed to light up the tiny living room we were all crammed into.
Finally it was my turn to talk and the words seemed to flow boundlessly from my lips. I covered everything I could remember about my human life, and of course, everything we’ve been through together since. I love Jacob, and he knows that. It’s not the kind of love you feel when you want to be with someone; it’s the kind of love you feel when you know you always want that person in your life, as a best friend.
After too much talking, I finally uncovered the black box I had been hiding to my side, wedged between Edward’s body, and mine, then tossed it over to Jacob.”It’s from all of us.” I couldn’t hide the excitement in my voice. I scanned the room quickly to catch everyone else’s expressions and noticed even Rosalie smiling.
Jacob popped the lid up and his eyes grew about twice their normal size when he saw what was inside. Time goes by quickly when you’re an immortal, but somehow, it seemed to take forever before Jacob finally said something. We all waited, without interrupting, for him to talk, but nothing. He just stared down at the charm in the box with his now gigantic eyes. Finally, Renesmee went over to him and sat down next to him, looking up with the most angelic smile I’ve ever seen.
Nessie brought Jacob out of his moment of silence, and as he snapped the box back shut, he let us know exactly what he was thinking. “I love it. I really do. I had to think for a minute, about what the rest of the my family would think. I still have to consider them, a little. But I guess after leaving them to move with a bunch of vampires, nothing else could really shock them anyway. Thanks, everyone.” Jake looked over at Edward and added a little jab. “Since I imprinted on your daughter, I guess I’ll be a permanent fixture in this family anyway.” His smile was warm, contrasting with Edward’s icy expression.
Edward still hears nothing but pure thoughts in Jake’s head, so he knows he doesn’t have to worry. Nessie is getting a lot taller now, and her features are maturing a lot, but Jacob still knows he has to wait until she is fully mature before he even thinks about seeing her as anything other than mine and Edward’s little girl. His intentions are pure, he doesn’t need to be reminded, and Edward and I like it that way.
Once we were back in the Cullen house, Carlisle explained to me that he didn’t have to think twice about giving Jacob a crest. His concern wasn’t ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ it was what they would get him that would be durable enough for Jake’s lifestyle.
I am blown away every day by the Cullen’s ability to be so accepting.
Alice made a good point, too. “He doesn’t eat humans, so he’s more than welcome in this family.” Her eye lashes flitted and she danced into the next room with Jasper. She does make a good point. Jacob isn’t harming humans. In fact, no one from his family is harming humans, they’re saving them.
Nothing feels different. It’s not like now that everyone has their Cullen crest some sort of huge change has occurred. But the family does feel more whole. The crest symbolizes devotion to this family, to the ‘vegetarian’ way of life, and I feel like now, we all have something to show for our continued restraint. It feels good.
Thank you to Debbie. D for the inspiration behind the crests!
♥ EDIT: Looking for a new love story to read? I have written a novella called, ‘My Darrling.’ (This is not the Willow series I’ve been working on, rather it’s a small side project. The first book in the Willow series will be up in the early portion of this year). For now, I’m so excited for you to check out the novella I’ve written:
You can read a preview and purchase ‘My Darrling’ HERE. I can’t thank you all enough for your endless support, and I promise to run contests to give back as soon as my books get off the ground!
For those of you who’d like to follow the progress of my Willow series, please ‘LIKE’ it on Facebook here. You can also read a tiny preview if you click ‘info’.
Feel free to stop by my personal blog here, where I post songs, pictures and will soon be giving more previews from ‘Willow.’ Thank you all so much for reading and for the support and encouragement you’ve all given. You have no idea how important your encouragement and kind words has been.
I love this poster, available to purchase at the American Library Association Website! Reading is such a good thing to get into. I think it’s important to lose yourself in a book and just take your mind off of everything else sometimes. So, even if it’s the Twilight books over and over, just READ!
We’ve seen plenty of pictures of this shoot from last year, which was shot by James White, and now here are some never seen before outtakes. See more of Edward and Bella’s gorgeousness over at Robert Pattinson Source
“There was a piece of white paper folded on my seat. I got in and closed the door before I unfolded it. Two words were written in his elegant script.”
I was visiting with Charlie today. This time alone. I figured that, since Sue wouldn’t be there today, we could spend some one-on-one time together, alone. I no longer worry about being alone around humans, either. Especially not my family. I could never hurt Charlie. Somehow, his scent isn’t the most appealing to me, anyway. Needless to say, though, I did go hunting with Edward yesterday as a precautionary measure.
Charlie is doing quite well now. He’s walking around, smiling and even cooking for himself. Sue left a few simple recipes on his fridge. She knows how easily he can lose his way around the kitchen.
My visit seemed extremely brief, to me. Though, in reality I stayed with Charlie for about three hours. Time really does go by expeditiously when you have all the time in the world. Literally, all the time in the world. I vaguely remember that, as a human, time would seem to crawl by; it almost seemed as though it were moving backwards some days. Those were usually the days I was looking forward to seeing Edward at school the next day, though. Time couldn’t go by fast enough when I knew I would be seeing his angelic face.
Before I left Charlie’s house, I went upstairs to the bedroom that was mine when I lived in that house. For some reason, a surge or unexplained energy came over me and, all alone in my old room, I couldn’t help but smile.
I carefully sat down on my bed and ran my fingers over the purple comforter that was neatly draped over the mattress. I looked around the room, slowly, taking everything in. I had never noticed the room badly needed a new paint job until now, of course. My old computer sat there on the work table I used to sit at, where I’d either study or compose emails for Renee – to keep her informed on my life in Forks. This usually consisted of me trying to make her believe I didn’t mind it here, though at the time I very much disliked Forks. I loathed Forks.
After sitting for a minute on my old bed, and taking in my old human scents, I decided to go into my closet to see what kind of memories I could dig up from in there. Not surprisingly, I found a shoebox that was full of things which had sentimental value to me. I had always been a bit of a hoarder.
Once I opened the box, nothing seemed familiar. My human memories were rather vague in that moment, and I couldn’t piece together who or what most of the items in the box came from. Trying to remember why I had a brown shoelace – with 3 knots tied in it – stashed away in the shoe box was an impossibility.
Before I closed the shoe box, which was almost falling apart, I shifted everything on top over to the side in an attempt to steal a quick glimpse of what was in the very bottom of the box, still trying to recognize something, anything.
Folded, in the very bottom of the box, was a white piece of paper. My curiosity got the best of me and I snatched it up in one swift movement, then unfolded it quickly, though carefully. On the piece of paper read two words:
For a moment I didn’t know why tears weren’t pouring down my face already. You’re a vampire now, an immortal, you don’t tear up, I told myself as I unnecessarily inhaled a large gulp of air. Inside, though, I was overwhelmed with numerous inexplicable emotions.
I remembered the day Edward left that sweet note in my truck. Alice had brought my truck to school for me because Edward was my ride that day, but he had to leave in the afternoon to go hunting because he was planning on taking me to the meadow; he was going to reveal himself to me the next day.
He wanted to make sure he hunted before being alone with me in the middle of the meadow. I remember, though a fragile human, feeling so safe with Edward. I remember his note making me feel like someone would always be watching out for me. And, I remember how it felt to love him, as a human. Funny thing is, I always felt safer, stronger and almost invincible compared to other humans once Edward was in my life. It’s now scary to think of how unaware I was of my state of fragility. How unaware I was of his strength, what he was capable of.
Still crouched on the floor in my old bedroom, I closed the shoe box and kept the white paper in my hand. Almost instinctively, I brought the paper to my nose and breathed in the scent. I could smell Edward on it. Though only slight, it was enough to make a smile creep up on my face before I even noticed.
My smile quickly retracted once I began to remember how excited I would get when Edward would come through my window in the middle of the night to watch me sleep, or how each touch was an epic occurrence that would make my heart seem as though I were wearing it on the outside of my body. I remembered how he would be there waiting for me before school in the mornings, with that beautiful grin of his, as excited to see me as I was to see him. And, though extremely vague, I remember the first time his lips pressed against mine. So smooth, so hard, so sweet smelling. Again, I had to remind myself that vampires don’t tear up as the vague memories of my human life revisited me.
There are a lot of things I do miss about being in a relationship with Edward as a human. From what I recall, I got a rush from the danger and unpredictability of our relationship. I loved how gentle he had to be with me, though at the time it could get frustrating. Most of all, I miss the way the blood would rush into my cheeks when he gazed into my eyes, and my heart would pound once he spoke. These things are so foreign to me now. I will never feel my heart race again, or feel the warmth overcome my face from embarrassment.
I miss it.
In return, though, I got so much more. I gained a spot in the only world I know, a world with Edward. I always remind myself of that. I get an eternity with the very boy who made my heart race. I got to have a beautiful daughter with Edward. I get to be intimate with him, anytime I want. It was all definitely worth it.
I placed the paper in the chest pocket of the shirt I was wearing, shoved the box back into the closet, took one last look around at my room, then flew down the stairs to say goodbye to Charlie. It was getting late and I wanted him to get some rest. I also wanted to get back home, to hold Edward in my arms as tightly as possible. I missed him, more than I had in a long time. I felt the need to be in his arms for some reason. Finding the sweet note he had written me made me fall even deeper in love with him.
I didn’t know how deeply I could possibly fall, but I kept on falling.
For now, I’m going to go up to the Cullen house for a bit with Nessie, Edward and Jacob. Esme and Rosalie would like to spend some time with Renesmee.
I could not help it. I was so angry at those horrible punks for putting my Dad through this. Having to see him so lifeless, laying in his hospital bed, unable to do anything… it hurt me so much.
The bullet had shifted a little closer to Charlie’s heart, and Carlisle confronted me with an option. His option? To turn Charlie. Even though I don’t need to breathe, I somehow felt out of breath, so confused, so… angry. I couldn’t believe it had come to this.
I… killed the criminals.
I hate that word, and I am so mad at myself right now, disgusted by my lack of self-control.
After Carlisle told me that Charlie might not make it – unless we tuned him into a vampire – I started to feel numb. I somehow felt boiling hot, like my face was burning up… like my chest was on fire.
I lied to Edward and told him I had to leave the hospital for a while because the smell of fresh blood throughout the building was causing my throat to burn. It wasn’t, though. I was actually tolerating the sweet aroma very well.
I told Edward I was just going to go back to Charlie’s house to gather my thoughts and get away from all the human scents. Where I really went, though, was to find the criminals. I didn’t know what I was going to do. I never put much thought into it. I just knew I wanted revenge for what Charlie was going through.
We had finally gotten a description of the men from witnesses. One was short and thin with black wavy hair down to his shoulders. The other was medium height with a medium build and shaggy brown hair covered by a baseball cap. They were seen driving back in the direction of Seattle in a black older-make SUV, later found out to be a 2000 Cadillac Escalade.
I had the license plate number too, thanks to a very helpful witness. I was off to Seattle, looking for the criminals while a heated anger surged through my body. I drove around aimlessly in my now like-new 1953 Chevrolet pickup truck. I tried to talk myself out of it, but the more I tried, the more I wanted to find them and rip them apart. Even the classical music that swam softly through my trucks’ speakers couldn’t help clear my mind of the masochistic thoughts.
Finally I saw it, the black SUV, parked outside of what looked like an abandoned old locksmith store. The faded, almost deteriorated sign read ‘Emergency Locksmith Services Available,’ and it was half hanging off of its place just above the door that had a ‘Closed’ sign in it.
I got out of my truck and tried to stay calm, remembering how much harm I could cause now, so easily. After numerous attempts at tapping on the glass, I began to bang quite hard, almost cracking the glass. Finally, a short dark haired man approached. I clenched my jaw and rolled fists instinctively. As soon as he opened the door I pushed him out of the way, careful not to use too much force.
The man fell hard to the ground and yelled some obscenities at me. I didn’t really hear much of what he said; my anger overcame me before I knew what was happening, like I had never thought possible. The witness report stated that the other man with the shaggy hair and baseball cap was the one who shot Charlie.
He was the one I was after.
He was standing there, right in the middle of the abandoned room with a confused taking over his face. Probably wondering how someone so small had the power to knock over a grown man with one swipe of my arm.
I wasn’t concerned with what he was thinking, though. At that point, I just kept seeing Charlie’s weak, pale face. And I kept hearing Carlisle’s voice telling me that Charlie might die, or have to be turned if the bullet shifted anymore.
My throat burned, but I didn’t want their blood.
I couldn’t stand the thought of having a criminals blood inside of me. What I wanted was to make them pay.
“I believe you shot my father,” I hissed. “Wrong move.”
Before I even had a second to think, I was holding the medium-built man by the throat. All I could say was ‘you shot my father’… then with one swift movement, I tossed him into the wooden rafters. The short black-haired man tried to sneak up from behind me, but I turned and before I knew it I had him in my arms and was effortlessly tossing him into the glass door at the front of the building.
Both men were bleeding and my throat burned as though someone touched a hot curling-iron to the soft flesh. My body was stiff; I felt like I was made of concrete, so solid and almost-indestructible.
I sprung effortlessly from the ground up to the wooden rafter and grabbed the shaggy-haired man by his head, then began to snap it – once to the right, then to the left. It was so easy for me. I had never felt the full extent of my power until then. I had never been an angry young vampire until Charlie got shot.
Even when the Volturi came, I was angry, but unsure of their intentions – which kept me steady. This was different. Someone I love actually did get hurt.
The man fell lifeless through the rafters and thudded to the ground. The short man was bleeding in a mess of glass, yet still managing to yell, ‘Who are you? You can’t be a human.’ Then he said something that made me completely lose any small bit of control I had left. ‘Your father deserved what he got, you’re a monster. He created a monster. He deserved it. Cops are monsters too!’
I narrowed my gaze to him, then flew down onto him, tearing his limbs apart, fast and in a malicious manner. I couldn’t control myself. For the first time since becoming a new vampire, I lost control.
I killed two humans. Two feeble, fragile humans.
I burned their bodies before I left, and tossed the remnants under the floor boards. I sat in my truck for a few minutes and thought. I didn’t feel guilty for killing the humans who harmed my father. I felt guilty for lying to Edward, and for putting our family in harm. The Volturi shouldn’t find out it was one of us who killed the two men, but I worried that someone saw me. What if someone knew I was more than a human? That I wasn’t normal.
Before I knew it, a yellow Porsche whipped around the corner and Edward flew out of the passenger side, with Alice not far behind, flouncing from the drivers side.
Alice saw me in her vision and told Edward. It wasn’t hard to figure out.
Edward opened my door and hugged me. I was afraid he would be mad, but all he said was, “I love you Bella. You need to know that what you did doesn’t make you a monster.”
Edward is the meaning of unconditional love. He loves me, no conditions, no questions. I told him that I didn’t think I was a monster for killing the men who harmed Charlie, but for lying to him. He assured me that he understood.
He knew how angry I was.
He also told me he was thinking of finding them himself, but Carlisle had talked him out of it and said he would take care of it himself, like he did the man who tried to attack me in Port Angeles.
We drove back to the hospital where the rest of the family was, keeping Charlie company. Carlisle was working, keeping everyone updated on Charlie’s condition. They were getting ready to operate. Carlisle wanted to know, before he operated, if I would approve of having Charlie turned should something go wrong.
I told him no.
This isn’t the life Charlie would want. He wouldn’t understand it. The simple things in life made Charlie happy – like fishing, steak and cobbler from the diner, watching me grow up, baseball and beer. He wouldn’t understand this life. Plus, I want to know that if he does go, that he will be up there, watching over me. Hopefully reserving a spot for my soul, should I leave this earth one day.
I’m going to go now. I’m heading back to the hospital to spend the night with Charlie. Pretending to fall asleep. Trying to look human. I will update you all on Charlie’s progress.