Dear Diary (New Beginnings)

The house is impressive, but my enthusiasm stops there. The town itself is great, it just doesn’t feel like home. The rest of the Cullen’s, and even Charlie, are already somewhat settled in. Somehow, even though I loathed Forks when I first moved there, I loathed leaving even more.

Our new house is just outside of Hanover, New Hampshire in a a small community named Etna. With only 814 residents, Etna is smaller than Forks. Hanover is only a quick ten minute drive, and an even faster run from our house, though, which is where we go to school, at Dartmouth. Edward, ironically, found a place called Swan Lake Trail which is about a two hour drive from here. We plan on hunting there together tonight.

It is getting cold here already, which is a good thing for our kind. We get to cover up with jackets, hats and scarves, concealing our granite, bloodless skin. Although we don’t actually feel the cold, we have to pretend we do, of course. We have to pretend a lot of things.

Our moving trucks arrived at midnight like planned, and loading them up was almost as upsetting as packing was. Edward, Carlisle, Jasper and Emmett helped the movers load everything while trying to look as human as possible. Emmett slipped up once, though, and lifted the entire couch himself, effortlessly, right in front the youngest of the two movers. I noticed Edward’s eyes dart over to the man, who had his eyes locked on Emmett, and I knew he was reading his thoughts to see if the mover suspected anything. Emmett dropped the couch after he realized what he did and started mumbling something under his breath about how heavy the couch was. When we went back into the house to make sure we didn’t miss anything, Edward told me exactly what the man thought. “He didn’t suspect anything. I heard him earlier, thinking about how tall and muscular he thought Emmett looked. When Emmett lifted the couch, the man was simply blown away because he didn’t realize he would be quite that strong.” Edward grinned, and my cold body started to melt, every ounce of my existence felt like it was dripping onto the floor like a melted ice sculpture.

The flight was painful, to say the least. A little boy who was sitting in a seat directly behind us cut his finger open on a toy before boarding the plane. The wound was fresh and the smell was… aromatic, causing us all to feel the burning lava in our throats. We help each other, though. Jasper created an overall sense of calmness, while Charlie put his gift to good use by making us all feel almost overwhelmingly guilty. No one on that flight became a meal, thankfully.

When we arrived at the new house, I was blown away. Set deeply in about four different types of trees and tucked tightly away from the road, the house beamed with originality and Victorian Flair. Much different from the large white house in Forks. The huge off white wraparound porch stood out from the dark, reddish brick that covered the entire house. The “gingerbread trim” was the same color as the porch creating a beautiful overall contrast. The windows were huge and some were covered in vines. The leaves in the front yard were all different colors, from bright yellow to orange, and they covered the grass almost entirely.

The inside of the house was immaculate. Again, much different from the house in Forks. The front foyer was spacious and flowed into the rest of the house without walls separating the rooms. The huge winding staircase has a gold and dark-red runner going up the center of the dark truffle colored hardwood steps. The Ornamental brass railing on one side is anomalous and fits perfectly with the feel of the house.

Aside from the walls being pure white, the rest of the house has a lot more dark qualities than the Cullen’s last house – it is still very bright inside, just more vibrant. The kitchen looked like any kitchen that would come with an overpriced home like this one. Jacob was more concerned with that part of the house than we were. We wouldn’t get any use out of thekitchen, of course.

I couldn’t believe my eyes when I went downstairs and saw the private small home Carlisle promised  Edward and I. Esme had come down to New Hampshire earlier and completely recreated the raised basement to look like our cabin in Forks. Everything was the same. Identical. If it were possible for me to cry, tears would have been spilling out of my eyes and down my face. Edward already knew. Unfortunately when you can read minds, surprises lose all meaning. He was still blown away by how exact Esme managed to make everything and by the fact that she put so much thought into this for us.  I still don’t know how to thank her for everything. I will think of something, though.

Jacob fell in love with his small home in the backyard. It is his – something to call his own. Carlisle had a second room built in for Renesmee in Jacob’s small home. He figured she would be spending a lot of time there with Jacob. The inside of Jacob’s house is simple, the way he likes things. He has his own small kitchen, a bathroom, the two bedrooms and a stone fireplace – which I am assuming is for looks considering Jake is pretty much a heater himself.

Edward keeps telling me to give New Hampshire a chance. He thinks that with time I will grow to love it almost as much as Forks. It is hard for him to completely understand how significant Forks is to me, though. I haven’t lived very long, and for the short time I have lived, a lot of great things have happened. All of them took place in Forks. I am, however, more than happy that Esme recreated our cabin from Forks – sometimes I like to pretend we never left, that I am in our small home in Forks and that everything is back to normal.

In my next entry I will let you know how Edward’s and my hunting trip went, and of course let you know how our first day of school went. It was interesting – at least the looks people gave us were interesting.


EDIT: Looking for a new dark love story to read? I have written a novella called, ‘My Darrling.’ (This is not the Willow series I’ve been working on, rather it’s a small side project.). You can read a preview and purchase ‘My Darrling’ HERE.




Dear Diary (Goodbye Forks)

I took the beautiful, unique, oval ring from my left ring finger and without wanting to, I placed it on the pale, smooth ring finger on my right hand. Edward watched, his painful expression matching mine. This was about so much more than simply having to switch which hand my ring would be kept. This was the first step to a whole different life, a new identity. For someone who has never been good at lying, I was about to have to spend a lot of time doing it, or at least trying to.

Jacob is excited about our move to New Hampshire, oddly. Renesmee seems to be approaching the same maturity level as Jacob which has brought them closer together than ever. Once we, the Cullens… vampires, have left Forks, the wolves wont have to phase anymore, but Jake will be with us and continue to phase, which will allow him to stay with Nessie, always. This move is making him happy for more reasons than that, though. Jacob has always felt like he would be stuck in La Push forever, and he didn’t want that. I guess he sees this move to New Hampshire as a new beginning. I wish I could be so positive about it.

It’s fascinating, to see how used to this the rest of the Cullens are. They already have everything packed up and ready to go. No one sat around slowly packing boxes and reminiscing on old photos or souvenirs. It almost looked like routine. Their faces were expressionless, if not serene looking. I felt like I wanted to die inside. Everything I am, everything that means anything to me started in this town. I met Edward here. My life. Got reintroduced to Jacob, my best friend. I gave birth to my perfect angel in Forks and then so may things happened in between. I wanted to break down but everyone else was so calm, excited to start over.

I let Edward into my head in hopes that he could see how hard this is for me. I needed to talk about but, but I didn’t want to seem selfish. This is something that had to be done for our safety and all I could think was “I want to stay, forever.” Without even the slightest hesitation, Edward placed his smooth finger to my lips and in a low, silk like voice made it all better. “Bella, remember when you had a hard time leaving your Mother, in Phoenix? How you hated the thought of leaving behind everything you loved for this cold, gloomy town? It’s a normal reaction. You haven’t lived nearly as long as us, so this is all new to you. You’re not selfish, Bella. If anything we have been the selfish ones, for neglecting to take into consideration that this is all so new to you, and Charlie. I can promise you that once you’ve done this a number of times – you will get used to it. It will almost become second nature.” He half frowned, trying to match my mood.

I knew Edward was right, that my fear was a normal reaction that would pass with time. I had to stop and remind myself that he is the reason I’m here. I became what I am to be with Edward forever, and if that means moving all over the world, then that’s what I will do. Besides, I could be happy living in a tree as long as I had Edward and my family with me.

I have to admit, I am dreading school more than anyone could ever know. Not the school part so much, more so having to watch every single move I make to ensure I don’t slip up in any way that would let on that we are different. I’m not used to pretending. Not to this extreme, anyway. Carlisle told us to try to keep to ourselves as much as possible. It’s dangerous to make human friends for obvious reasons – but there’s so much more to it than that. We can’t make friends because even if we don’t slip up and have them as a meal, we could accidentally reveal that we are not human. It’s not hard to tell just by being near us for a few minutes as it is. There is simply no room for error.

In an attempt to remain discreet, we will be leaving in the middle of the night. Sometimes people in small towns can be nosy – so it’s better this way. The moving trucks will be here at midnight and we will all catch a flight shortly after. I haven’t seen the new  house yet, but Carlisle showed us pictures, and it is definitely impressive from what I could tell. Like I mentioned before, we are keeping the Cullen house, Charlie’s house and the cabin. We want everything to be the same for when we move back to Forks. After everyone has passed on. It’s sad to think about it that way. Almost eerie. Of course, we will come back to Forks for visits. Our cabin is always there when we need it.

I will let you know how everything worked out next week. I know that as long as I have Edward, everything will be okay. I hope.


EDIT: Looking for a new dark love story to read? I have written a novella called, ‘My Darrling.’ (This is not the Willow series I’ve been working on, rather it’s a small side project.). You can read a preview and purchase ‘My Darrling’ HERE.




Twilight fans TRYING to get tickets in Forks, Washington.

Twilight fans in Forks Washington

How big is the Twilight Saga exactly? With the release of New Moon nearing, this saga has grown tremendously – even to the point where Twi-Fans are purposely trying to get tickets (these tickets are a couple of hundred bucks) just so they can have a piece of memorabilia from Forks Washington. Ummm, can’t you pick up a rock or something and take it home with you? Or buy a nice cheap novelty t-shirt that says ‘Forks’ on it? Here is what RadarOnline had to say:

“Police in the little town are noticing that fans are cruising for a wallet bruising during their visits by purposefully trying to get a ticket!

“The last 16 tickets I gave out were to Twilight fans,” says Field Deputy Bill Cortani of the county sheriff’s office. “And they were actually loving the experience. Normally people are not happy about the experience. But some Twilight fans feel this is all part of the Twilight experience.”

Indeed, the last fan asked the officer to pose for a group picture after writing a ticket.

“It felt awkward, but I did it,” says Cortani.

Officer Michael Shannon of the Forks police department has seen that being a police officer from Twilight-town can make you a bit of a celebrity. He spent the past weekend’s celebration of author Stephanie Meyer posing with fans who wanted his autograph and a picture taken with him.

“It’s strange, but I do have people wanting to get speeding tickets from the Forks police department,” he says. Some have gone to even greater lengths for that small piece of paper: “I’ve had people flash me to get an indecent exposure ticket.” So far, “it’s only been women.”

Those certainly are some Twi-hards!

You can see more here



Dear Diary (Closure)

Renee seems different. She’s always been a ‘different’ person in general – eccentric – but she seems to have deviated from the person she used to be. Her eyes no longer hold that curious, vibrant spark they once did. She’s unusually calm, too. Renee is suffering, and it hurts to watch. I can already tell that her split from Phil is going to have a larger impact on her than she knows. Alice had some visions already, too, and one of them came true when Renee came back for another visit – in an attempt to escape her imperfect home life.

Charlie braced himself for another couple of days of having to endure the flames that burst their way up through his throat – the raw, scorching temptation. Renee didn’t seem quite as blown away by Charlie’s newly polished exterior this time, though. She didn’t really seem interested in anything, actually.

Although my human life is very blurry to me, vague, I still somehow remember the hole that formed in my chest when my entire life walked away from me, and promised I would never see him again. I wish everyday that those memories would have died in the fire that burned through my body as I was being turned, becoming a vampire. They didn’t, though, and I guess it’s a good thing in a way, because now I can understand what Renee is going through. Why the life in her eyes is fogged over with an obvious sadness. Her divorce from Phil won’t be anything like when my entire life, Edward, left me  – to protect me – because Renee gets over things easier than I do. But it will be hard.

Sue decided to make a surprise visit while Renee was visiting. Charlie was sitting at the small dinner table pretending to eat something Renee had made for him when we all heard the soft knock at he door. Edward knew it was Sue and shot me a sharp glance to warn me. The door was opening and Charlie was welcoming Sue in before anyone had the chance to say anything.


It got even better when Renee introduced herself as, “Renee . . .  Charlie’s ex-wife. As in Bella’s Mother.” Her voice was somewhat pretentious. Sue smiled and told Renee she was a friend of Charlie’s, then asked to speak to him, alone.

Of course when Sue and charlie went outside, Renee drilled Edward and I with questions. She has a bit of a jealous streak, but Edward and I did a good job of  ensuring her that Sue was just a friend. The longer Charlie took outside, though, the more Renee questioned that. I couldn’t take the suspense anymore so I asked to speak with Edward alone, upstairs. I needed some clarity, to know what Renee, Charlie and Sue were thinking. Not being able to read minds is a frustrating thing sometimes.

Edward confirmed Renee’s jealousy. It wouldn’t have taken a genius, or a mind reader, to figure that out. What I wanted to know was why Sue came to visit, and why she was talking to Charlie for such a long time. Edward answered that, too. “Sue misses Charlie, a lot. She wanted to know if he was more adapted to his new lifestyle.” Edward paused and quickly ran his long fingers through his hair. “Last time they spoke, she told him she would stay away until he was more adjusted to what he is now. She explained that she has feelings for him that are on a level far beyond friendship. She asked about Renee, too. It seems as though Charlie really cares for Sue.”

I bit my lip, worried about Renee; how this would make her feel. I thought about how it made Charlie feel when Renee started dating Phil. He wasn’t thrilled – but this is all part of life. You separate, then you eventually find someone new.

“I think we should stay out of this, love,” Edward began. “Let their lives fall where they’re supposed to.” He half smiled, though it didn’t touch his eyes. I realized he was right. This has nothing to do with me, and although I don’t want to see Renee hurt, I do want to see Charlie happy, based on his own decisions.

When we came back downstairs, Renee was engrossed in what seemed to be some vampire TV show. The actors sported fangs, but otherwise looked quite normal, human. Renee noticed us out of the corner of her eye and jumped a little. “Hey Bella . . . Edward, check this out,” she said, half laughing. “These guys are vampires, and there’s a big love triangle going on.” She pointed to the screen at the actors with the ridiculous looking fangs and continued, excitement filling her eyes. “The blonde girl used to be a human, but she became a vampire so she could live forever with that really good-looking vampire on the right.”

Edward laughed under his breath and looked at me, his hypnotic eyes almost making me forget about the awkward conversation we were having. Thankfully Charlie and Sue walked in the door just then. Charlie’s eyes were a bright crimson red and he bolted up the stairs, obviously aware of the fact that his contacts had dissolved. Sue must have told him.

“Well, I have to get going now. It was nice to meet you Renee. See you soon Bella . . .  Edward.” Sue smiled and didn’t seem to care that Renee completely ignored her. “Bye, Charlie. I’ll see you again soon!” Sue yelled up the stairs before opening the door to slip outside. But Charlie was back down the stairs so fast it would have looked like a blur to any human. I gave him a look that said, “Can you at least try to be a little less obvious in front of Renee!”

His eyes were brown again. “Let me walk you to your car, Sue.” Charlie’s face was serious, as if he was offended that she was going to go without a proper goodbye. Renee’s head spun back to look at them, and it almost looked painful for her to hold her head in that position. Sue welcomed the invite to have Charlie walk her to her car and they stepped out together, again.

Renee turned the TV off and thudded up the stairs to what used to be my bedroom. Suddenly it felt like I was her Mother. I felt like I should have been consoling her, but I didn’t. She needs time, and I know it’s hard for her, but Charlie doesn’t owe Renee anything. Besides, her scent is too much for Charlie to handle. Her entire visit has been torture for him. I can see the scorching iron burning him, turning his throat to ashes. Sue doesn’t smell good to Charlie, at all, but that might be a good thing. Easier.

Alice was right, Renee did get hurt, but Charlie didn’t do anything intentionally. He had felt his share of hurt from their relationship already, and can’t undo the damage. I know Renee will be fine, and I know Charlie will find happiness, too. For now, I think Charlie got the closure he needed after all these years. And he might not be human, and he might not completely remember the pain he felt from his human life when Renee left, but he still craved closure.

After Renee left to go back to Phoenix and close the sale on her and Phil’s house, Charlie finally took down their wedding photo. I didn’t say anything to Charlie about it, but Edward, of course read his mind. He took it down because he finally realized what happened years ago between Renee and him wasn’t his fault. He kept the photo up out of guilt and unwillingness to fail at something. He thought he failed with Renee, but he didn’t. He knows that now, thankfully. And I’m sure Sue will do a great job at reminding him just how great he really is.

I’m sure Renee won’t want to come back to visit again anytime soon after that, so before school starts we’re going to get everything together and move. I’m scared, but I’m excited, too. We’re keeping  Charlie’s house and the huge white Cullen house in Forks, and of course we’re keeping the cottage in the woods. At least I’ll still feel like I have a home in Forks. If we ever want to come back, we can do so discreetly.

I decided to post another entry from Edward’s diary next time. You’re probably getting a little sick of me now anyway. I know you all love getting to see life through his eyes sometimes, too. For now, I’m going to go play baseball in the clearing one last time before we leave Forks. It’s thundering. Perfect.


EDIT: Looking for a new dark love story to read? I have written a novella called, ‘My Darrling.’ (This is not the Willow series I’ve been working on, rather it’s a small side project.). You can read a preview and purchase ‘My Darrling’ here!


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