Making Peace

Dear Diary,

Bells really did come through for me. Well, as much as she could, anyway. Bella is very stubborn, but I’ve recently learned that so is Edward; on the subject of his daughter. Not that I wouldn’t be.

I slept easily that night, knowing that everything was almost at peace. Besides Edward hating the fact I imprinted on his daughter, that is. I mean, he can read my damn mind, can he not see that I love her? Or the fact that I would never hurt her. I know it sounds corny, but she completes me. I know that sounds like it would come off of a Hallmark card, but really. That’s pretty much the definition of the word imprint for us. Our soul mate. Nessie happens to be mine, and I want Edward to open his freaking eyes and see that.

When I went to the Cullens’ house today, I didn’t run into any of them, but I found Bella outside. She was playing around with this thing that you download books onto. She’s such a geek.

“Hey, Bells.” I said, easily taking a seat on one of their patio chairs.

“Hello, Jake. How are you? Did you heal up okay?” She asked, her brow slightly furrowing. I nodded.

“Yeah, it’s all better. How’s…Edward?” I whispered his name, wondering where he was. I wasn’t scared of him, but I wanted to ask Bella what happened after he left, without him overhearing. She rolled her eyes.

“He’s teaching Renesmee some song on the piano.” She told me. I breathed a quiet sigh.

“What’d he say?” I asked cautiously. She sighed.

“Well, of course he’s not happy about it, Jake.” She said.

“Duh, Bella. But…is he…okay with it?” I questioned. She thought for a moment, before nodding slowly.

“Yes, I guess you can say that. He doesn’t hate you right now. It’s been reduced to highly disliking you.” She stated.

“Like that’s new.” I muttered. She looked at me with sympathy.

“He’s going to let you have a relationship with her, but he needs time to adjust. I would advise to take it slow with her.” I sighed.

“Bells, you really think I wouldn’t? She’s practically only fifteen. I mean, really?” I asked, appalled.

“Don’t get mad. I know you wouldn’t do that. I was just saying.” She shrugged. I grimaced, and leaned back in the chair.

“Jake!” I heard a squeal, that sounded like a peal of bells. I glanced up, and saw Ness tackle me. I laughed, and wrapped my arms lightly around her for a second, and watched Edward walk outside stiffly, nodding in my direction. I nodded back, and he sat beside Bella; glaring at the ground. I let Ness move to a chair beside me, trying to make it more comfortable for Edward.

Edward, you know by now how much she means to me. I thought. Well, I screamed mentally. Edward winced, but then nodded.

Then why are you acting so upset? I thought, not so loudly. He shrugged.

“She’s almost everything to me.” I heard a soft whisper leave his mouth. I frowned, and willed him with my mind to look up.

“You don’t think I know this?” I asked him. He shrugged, and Bella got up, grabbing Nessie’s hand.

“Come on sweetheart, let’s go.” Bella said. Ness tried to protest, but Bella gave her stern a look. Ness stomped after Bella inside, and I turned my attention to Edward.

“Edward, I know you can read my thoughts, but I don’t think you get it. Nessie is my imprint. That means no matter what, I want her happy, healthy, and loved. I would do anything in my power to keep her safe, and protect her. She is the center of my universe, the only thing that truly matters to me. I love her with all of my being, and I would die for her. She is my one true love, or I guess you could say soul mate.” I said, without tripping over one word. Edward stared at me unwavering, and I stared back.

“I know, Jacob. But she is my little girl.” He whispered. I cleared my throat.

“I might not have kids, but I see that it is hard to let your child grow up. I know this is hard for you, but it had to happen sooner or later. Besides, she’s not completely grow up. She’s still your little girl, and I am positive she always will be.” I said, my voice clear, and strong. Edward sighed, and laid his head in his hands.

“It’s too hard for me too let go.” He murmured.

“Edward, I’m not asking for you to let go. You never have to let go. Just…loosen your hold a bit, and let her have room to grow.” I said. Edward looked at me through bleary eyes.

“You’re really thinking philosophically today, aren’t you?” he asked. I thought for a moment.

“No, I’m just saying what needs to be said.” I told him. Edward nodded.

“I never have actually hated you…I just hated the situations at the time. You’re actually a nice acquaintance.” He said. I rolled my eyes.

“Just say the word friend. And…ditto.” I answered. Edward chuckled, and it sounded slightly…relieved?

“Yes, Jacob. I feel relieved. I am relieved to have everything put behind us.” He said. I smiled.

“I’m glad too, Eddie.” I replied. He mock-glared at me.

“As long as you don’t call me ‘Eddie’.” He said, using finger quotations around the nickname. I laughed, and breathed deeply.

“Go on, Jacob. I know you’ve wanted to see her.” Edward said, gesturing to the door. I grinned, and made my way inside the house, and into the kitchen. It was vacant, which didn’t surprise me. With the only person who ate was Ness, it was rarely used. Esme knew better than to leave the fridge empty, though, and kept it fully stocked for my use. Esme rocked when it comes to food.

I grabbed a Coke, and some chips, and walked into the living room. Ness was in there with Bella, and they were watching some chick flick on the monstrous television that took up almost the whole wall. I sat at the end of the couch, and crunched on some chips, and gulped down some soda. Bella laughed at me, and excused her self, after giving me a knowing, but stern look. I rolled my eyes at her, and as soon as she left the room, Ness flashed over to my side, and cuddled into me.

“Mmm, I missed you.” She sighed. I smiled, my heart melting more and more as the seconds went by.

“I missed you too.” I whispered into her hair, smelling her pomegranate fragrance that I knew so well.

“Is my dad okay with…us?” She whispered. I grinned.

“He actually is.” I said. She turned to look at me, and smiled widely, her eyes sparkling. I lightly traced her jaw, and she leaned into me, softly touching my lips. This kiss was less rough, and erratic than our first. It was slow, and passionate, and I was glad that I was the one kissing her, instead of that tool. My skin tingled from wherever she touched, and I felt like I was slowly, melting into the sofa.

How in the hell did she get so good at kissing?

Pulling back for air, she gave me a wistful look, and kissed my nose.

“I love you.” She said breathlessly.

“I love you too, Renesmee.” She blushed, and I felt my heart skip a beat.

She caressed my cheek, and slowly turned around, so that she sat comfortably leaning against me.

Even now, writing this, my cheek is tingling from her touch, and my heart aches from being apart for the night.

That’s all for now. I’ll talk to you later,


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Edward’s Reaction

Dear Diary,

Well, I guess I can say Edward didn’t take it the best. I mean, he didn’t take it the worst either, thankfully.

He might’ve given me a black eye, and a couple of broken ribs, before Bells made him stop. The last time I saw that glint in his eye, it was an hour or so after I kissed Bella for the first time; around the time before we fought all of those newborns.

When he came to my house yesterday, he knocked lightly on the door instead of breaking it down, so I wasn’t too terrified of answering, expecting him to take it calmly, and maturely like you would expect a hundred year old mind reading vampire would. That is until he starting beating the living hell out of me. Thankfully, Bella, my savior, came shortly after, pulling him off of me.

“Stop!” She shrieked, her inhuman voice rising two octaves, and sounding like music. I easily got up, and wiped the blood from my mouth. She then started reprimanding him like a two year old, telling him violence wasn’t the answer. I also can recall the growl that rumbled from him after I thought that. So, I backed away a few steps.

“You will never kiss my daughter again!” He spat through his teeth, ignoring Bella’s intimidating glare.

“She’s my imprint! What else can I do?” I yelled back. Bella was practically the one between us, stopping the fight from progressing.

I couldn’t decide whether to laugh at, or loathe the leech keeping me from my girl. Why must things always suck for me?

I was shaking, but I kept it under control, ‘cause I didn’t need the pack coming over here and starting a commotion once I phased, letting them know I was getting beat up by a leech. I had already felt myself healing after a few seconds, and Edward wasn’t struggling to much to get out of Bella’s grip.

“Why did you tell her, you idiot?” Edward asked, venom lacing his voice, but it was calmer than before.

“I couldn’t just let her go off with another guy, Ed. She’s my imprint. It had to happen sooner or later, anyway.” I said, trying to make my voice seem even. Edward rolled his eyes.

“I know that she is your imprint” –as he gestured to his head– “but couldn’t you wait longer, until she was more mature, emotionally, and mature enough to be kissed?” Edward said, his voice still full of malice. I looked at him in disbelief.

“Says the guy who let her go on a date with a punk, who most likely has only one thing on his filthy mind!” I shot back. Edward glared.

“It is my responsibility to raise my daughter the right way, which means a normal life. If you live a normal life, you date. Simple as that.” I groaned.

“How can somebody live a normal life, in a house full of vampires? Especially vampires that sparkle!” I shouted. Edward rolled his eyes.

“My daughter, my decisions. I decide what’s best for her.” He stated patiently. I wasn’t so patient.

“Well, sorry Eddie. It’s too late for that now.” I said grinning. Edward growled, and crouched like a freaking lion. I tensed, but Bella slapped him on the back of the head.

“Oh, stop Edward. What’s done is done.” Edward mumbled something too low for even my superhuman hearing to hear, but I’m pretty sure it was him apologizing to Bella. She rolled her eyes when he glared at me again.

“We’ll discuss this more tomorrow.” He said, and stalked out of my house. Bella sighed deeply, and shook her head. After staring at the door for a couple more seconds, she turned to me, giving me an apologetic look before examining my wounds lightly.

“I’m glad you told her, truthfully. She’s felt…attracted to you lately, and she didn’t like it. She thought you would blow her off, considering her age. She didn’t understand the feelings she had for you, and it was so hard for me not to tell her. She has felt really insecure these past few months.” She whispered. I nodded.

“I’m glad too. I’m surprised how well Edward took it. I thought he would kill me for sure.” I laughed. Bella grimaced.

“I’m sorry I got here late…I didn’t even know he left the house until a minute after he did, and then I had to follow his scent here, and…” she trailed off, rolling her eyes. I nodded.

“It’s fine. I just…I want him to be okay with this…I really want to be accepted. I remember, that a few months after I imprinted on her, you finally accepted it…and I knew Edward sort of accepted it, but he’s being all protective dad now, probably not wanting his little girl to grow up, and all. I…I just want to be with her as comfortably as possible, with everyone accepting it.” I said, and looked at Bella. She was nodding.

“I understand, Jake, I do. I remember how bad I wanted you to accept my relationship with Edward…you were stubborn about that of course. I’ll talk to him, and he’ll come around. You don’t know how proud I am of you, and how amazing it is to know my best friend will always be in my life, even if it is as my son-in-law. Therefore, I will do everything in my power to help you with your relationship with my daughter.” She said, her voice sweet and soft. This is why Bella is my best friend. I grinned.

“Bells, you’re sounding all old on me now.” I teased lightly. She slapped my arm, laughing slightly, before wrapping her arms around me softly. I patted her head, and we both said goodbye. She left quietly, and I remember the relief I felt. I was completely healed now, and there was only a slight shadow under my eye, so all I felt was the high from telling Ness, and her returning those feelings.

My stomach felt like mushy Angel Soft toilet paper by the time I realized that I am practically in a relationship with Nessie now. I was finally with her. When I started thinking about it, I felt a scarcely familiar feeling boil up in me. Nervousness.

This feeling is definitely new, considering the only girl I had ever felt a fraction of this for was Bella, and I never had felt too nervous around her. With Ness, I felt comfortable, but I was nervous now, because I didn’t want to mess up. I want to be perfect, the man she deserves. It’s easy to see she’s way out of my league, and I want to make sure I am the best I can possibly be for her.

While I thought through everything thing that happened tonight, my outdated phone rang my text message alert.

J, I forgot to tell you something… I love you, too.

My heart had hammered in my chest, and I blew my hair out of my eyes, and sighed.

She loves me.

I really hope that Bella gets Edward to chill out, and maybe I’ll be able to have an open relationship with Ness.

I’ll talk to you later, hopefully this all works out.

- Jacob

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2 New/Old ‘New Moon’ Pics!

Here are two new/old New Moon stills. Enjoy :)

[via source]



Dear Diary (Stay Calm. Zůstaňte v klidu)

After this summer, Edward and I plan to go back to school. And to be honest, I’m more excited than I ever imagined I could be about attending boring, repetitive classes.

When you’re human your time is limited. You are only on Earth for a very short time, and as a human you have to sleep for about eight hours a night–so the last thing you want to do with the few short hours you’re awake in a day is sit in class after class listening to the teacher ramble about stuff you know you’re going to forget anyway.

When you’re an immortal, though, it seems as though you can’t find enough to do, enough to keep yourself busy, entertained. After I was changed, I seemed to become more patient by the day. I’m a hunter now, after all. An immortal. Patience is an inevitable quality for the undead.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t get bored. I do. In fact, the boredom is worse now because I have all this strength, power and energy. We could be doing so much more with what we are, but instead, because we are dangerous, not normal, we have to take every precaution possible to be sure no one suspects anything. Instead of using my new strength, I have to hide it. Act human. Alive. We have to fit in. Something that’s much easier said than done.

I’m worried mostly about drowning in my own lies. I can’t lie. I do lie . . . a lot, but I’m bad at it. To the town, Renesmee is known as my little sister. Adopted, like the rest of us, by Mr. and Mrs. Cullen. Charlie is known as my Uncle, and although I’m getting more used to the script and learning my lines for this play we put on daily for the public, I still have an almost unbearable urge to scream the truth about everything to the world.

I want to be able to adore and love my Nudger in public. I don’t want to have to check to make sure it won’t be sunny before I make any plans to venture outside because my skin will sparkle like thousands of embedded diamonds. What am I supposed to say to that? I took a glitter bath?

The hospital Carlisle is working at here in New Hampshire had a spring gala for all the employees and their families. They do four per year; one for every season. It was held inside a ballroom, at night–so we were safe to go. We had to go, for Carlisle. It is thought to be extremely rude not to attend these galas unless, of course, you’re scheduled to work.

Carlisle tried to get out of it by offering to stay at the hospital to work his usual night shift, however because Carlisle is new to the hospital, they insisted he attend. They wanted to get to know him more outside of work. They wanted to meet his family.

Renesmee didn’t come. I explained to Carlisle that I wasn’t ready to be around so many people at once while trying to pretend she was my sister. Jacob stayed back at the house with her. He didn’t want to come anyway, but asked that we bring him back some food.

“Well, on top of me getting some good food, you guys’ll look more human. They’d never suspect you’re a bunch of leec–vampires if you’re all smuggling food out of there.” Jacob grinned and I opened my mouth to say something, but laughed instead.

Charlie stuck in a pair of brown contacts and threw on his best dress up attire and came along. He wanted to see if there would be any single ladies there who he could lure in. I think his new enhanced exterior is getting to his head a little bit. Anytime we’re out in public women tend to gawk at him, their mouths hanging open. Charlie isn’t as awkward and quiet as he used to be, before he was turned. It’s funny watching him interact with Emmett especially. Emmett brings out a whole different side of Charlie that I never knew existed. I like it. Charlie is happy. He’s having fun with what he is.

Once we entered the large ballroom I began to feel more relaxed. The lighting was very dim with spotlights of red, blue and purple dancing over the ice sculptures on either end of the oversize buffet table.

There were literally mountains of food, and I was already dreading having to pretend to eat and enjoy it. Human food tastes like dirt to vampires, but we can pretend to eat it when we have to.

We all hunted before going to the gala, of course, but my throat still burned. There were hundreds of mouth watering humans all gathered in the hall, each one so fragrant, so sweet-smelling. I could almost taste them. My eyes swept from human to human, watching the veins pulse in their throats, the carotid arteries. I counted every pulse:

One…two…three…four. It was somehow lulling.

Each beat seemed louder than the last, scorching my throat deeper and deeper. I felt like someone was holding the barrel of a curling iron down my throat to torture me. I needed fresh air immediately, or something bad was about to happen.

I moved faster than any human could, and I was aware of my unnatural pace, but I didn’t care. I needed to get out, that’s all I knew. I pulled myself away from Edward’s grip and was out the door, deeply inhaling the fresh, crisp air, trying to shake the vision of the pulsing, fragrant necks in the banquet hall.

I felt overridden with guilt for seeing them as nothing more than a meal. They were human beings. People with families, loved ones . . . yet there I was, blinded by the pulsing, the scent, the desire that almost overtook me. I was a monster.

It only took a few short minutes for Edward to calm me down, to melt away the guilt. He placed one long, smooth hand on each one of my cheeks and stared intently into my eyes, that crooked grin creeping up on one side.

“Bella, love, it’s okay. I wouldn’t have let anything happen. You didn’t do anything wrong. You fought your instincts and there’s nothing harder than that, but you did it.” His eyes were liquid gold, his breath icy and sweet.

“Edward . . . I . . . ” I closed my eyes tightly, trying to find the words, the right words to emphasize how sorry I was for ever coming that close to potentially exposing what we are. “I… hunted before and I didn’t feel thirsty– until my eyes locked on their necks, and they were pulsing. There are so many people in there, I just–”

Edward interrupted, his grin now pulled down, his face grave. “Please Bella, don’t apologize for what you are. This is what you are now, what we are. We are hunters. Even though you weren’t thirsty initially, once your eyes locked on their necks, that was it. The hunt was on. You became fixated on it, and that’s why it was hard to look away, to prevent yourself from attacking.”

The door half opened and Alice poked her head out of the small opening, trying not to be too intrusive. “Is everything okay out here?” Her voice was musical, comforting.

“Yeah, except for the fact that the gala was almost turned into a slaughter house.” I wanted to suck the words back in as soon as they left my mouth. I was overreacting.

Alice slipped catlike through the small opening in the door and crouched down next to me on the ground. “Bella, before big events like this I try to always look and see if anything will go wrong. I didn’t see anything to worry about this evening. Of course my visions are subjective. Your birthday is a perfect example of that. You’ll be fine, though. I promise. Are you two coming back inside? The dinner is about to begin.” Alice’s eyes shifted furtively between Edward and I as she stood back up.

“We’ll come back in. Just give me a few more seconds in this fresh air.” I realized my eyes were closed tightly again and I opened them, now squinting, to glance in Alice’s direction, but she was already gone.

I knew I didn’t have a choice. I had to go back inside. This was Carlisle’s night and he doesn’t ask for much, if anything at all, from us. I opened my eyes fully to take in one last look at Edward, those warm golden eyes, then sprung to my feet and was back inside before I had a chance to think about it. Edward was right behind me, his hand wrapped lightly around my waist.

I scanned the room quickly, not actually looking at anyone, and found the table we belonged to. Edward and I sat down, his long fingers now laced through mine. Everyone was already sitting, pretending to eat.

At the exact same time, everyone at our table shot me a knowing glance, almost as though they’d rehearsed it. I bet they did, too. “Way to not make things awkward,” I mumbled under my breath as I loaded my plate up, pretending to look excited about the food.

Dinner went as smoothly as it could have. It felt like a real human family sitting down to eat dinner. It’s not often you see all of the Cullens gathered around a table eating. I actually liked it. We talked and caught up with each other how a regular family would at dinner time. I wished Jake and Renesmee could have been there, but pushed the thought out of my head.

We didn’t forget about Jacob’s request, either. I grabbed three of the takeaway containers they had, and loaded them up. I thought we were going to make a smooth exit, and we almost did, until Carlisle got stopped by one of his colleagues just as we were almost out the door.

The man was taller than Carlisle, with shaggy light brown hair and a very thin frame. He wore small, stylish reading glasses and looked extremely young. His smile was captivating, friendly, and he had a hint of an accent, though barely detectable. He introduced himself to everyone as Joseph, and threw in a quick, “but my patients call me Dr. Cole.”

Dr. Joseph Cole was about to throw Carlisle a curve ball. “I just wanted to stop you before you left and ask if you and your family would all like to participate in the blood drive we’re hosting tomorrow. It’s taking place right in the parking lot. You seem to have a large, healthy family here. Think you could come out? Donate some blood?” Jospeh’s face lit up in anticipation as  he scanned all of our expressions. I felt my jaw drop and snapped it back shut, biting my lower lip to keep it from dropping again.

Vampires giving blood? Vampires don’t give blood . . . we take it. But how do you say no to donating blood to people who need it, without coming off as . . .  well . . . a bunch of jerks.

They would know we are different, instantly, if they even got close enough to touch us. I could hardly even think of the fact that we would be surrounded by blood . . . do I even need to elaborate on what’s wrong with that? Plus, the drive was being held in the afternoon, outside in the parking lot, and it was supposed to be sunny.


Carlisle was still composed, his face graceful and calm. “I’m sorry but we have a very important previous engagement that we are unable to miss. We would love to participate in the blood drive, really, but won’t be able to attend this one. Please accept my apologies.”

“Well that’s okay. Maybe next time. We try to organize them as often as we can so I’ll let you know when we have our next one.” Joseph nodded his head and smiled, though it didn’t touch his eyes.

“That would be wonderful.” Carlisle’s smile was forced. “Have a great night, Joseph.”

“Thanks, you too. It was nice meeting all of you.” His eyes darted to each of us, then he walked away quickly and joined a large group of people who were lingering, finishing up their drinks and catching up on gossip.

Edward’s face was vacant, and I knew that something was bothering him. He waited until we were back in Carlisle’s car before he said anything, though. Esme was in the front seat, and Charlie was in the back with Edward and I. The others were in their own car.

As we pulled out of the parking lot, Edward’s eyes swept around in every direction. I had never seen him this nervous. He looked out the back window one more time before telling us what was bothering him.

Dr. Joseph Cole knows I can read minds. He wouldn’t exactly let me into his head. He kept repeating the same thought over and over so that he wouldn’t think of anything else. It was in a different language, too. He kept repeating ‘Zůstaňte v klidu.’” Edward’s eyes were hard now, his skin glowing under the street lights and headlights of passing cars.

“Stay calm. He was saying ‘stay calm’ in Czech.” Carlisle was talking to himself, in deep thought. His lips began to move, but no other words came out.

“Carlisle, he knows what we are.” Edward hissed and I thought I felt my still, lifeless heart jump out of my chest.

To Be Continued . . . 





New ‘Eclipse’ still of Bella & Jacob!!!

Here is a new Eclipse still of Bella & Jacob:

[via source]



Bella Swan’s Google search history from after Edward left

I was bored, so I thought I would make a Google search video of Bella’s history after Edward left! Enjoy!



Dear Diary (And Ice Would Suffice)

I promised to give you glimpses into the two diaries that Edward gave me as a way to see into his mind. The one with the red ribbon is a diary he wrote from before he knew me, from a darker time, when he didn’t really even know himself.

The one with the blue ribbon is full of entries that Edward wrote after we met. The contrast between the two diaries is distinct. There are, however, some entries in the book with the blue ribbon that carry more of a malicious tone. Particularly the ones about Jake, when Edward could hear his thoughts, and they were about me.


Love, Bella.

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To know that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

Robert Frost’s Fire and Ice was published in 1920, just two years after I was turned by Carlisle. The poem likens the elemental force of fire with the emotion of desire, and ice with hate. Over my years of existence,  I have learned that humans are more prone to commit sins based on the emotion of desire, rather than hate. But vampires, we’re a different story. We don’t run based on emotion.

Jacob’s desire to be with Bella, to tear her away from me and exploit my one vulnerability—her safety—had me on the brink of sinning based on pure hate, ice. But he was keeping her warm. He was keeping her safe, and there was nothing more I could do, except keep my distance from her. I didn’t want to contribute to her discomfort from the cold in any way.

My body is like a brick of ice. Simply sitting too close to Bella caused her teeth to chatter more uncontrollably, louder. Jacob, on the other hand, has a body temperature of 108.9—enough to have Bella almost sweating on the oddly snowy June evening in the mountains.

Everything appeared almost in slow motion as the mongrel unzipped the sleeping bag, then slid in next to Bella, pressing his warm body to hers. It took everything I had to dampen the hate that surged through my body as he grinned, loving every minute of closeness he got with Bella, protecting her.

Then came his thoughts. The fantasies he began to have in his head while he was pressed against Bella; it sounded as though he were shouting them at me, as loud as he could. Jake knows I can hear his thoughts, after all. But I have years of practice when it comes to controlling my feelings, and so I did the best I could to keep my cool. No pun intended.

When Bella and Jake were both asleep, Bella began to whisper my name. She was dreaming of me, and I couldn’t help but smile. I started to feel incredibly humanized, with the ups and downs of each emotion. I went from wanting to strangle the dog—trying desperately to repress the urge to attack—to feeling elated by the sound of my name on her lips. The soft, gentle, whisper that proved she was dreaming of me.

Then, off those same soft, warm, lips came a displeasing, “Jacob, my Jacob.” There was pain in her voice now. Fear. She was worried about Jacob. She loved him. I had no right to try to change her feelings for him, either. He kept her safe while I was gone. When I stupidly left her, leaving her heart shattered, leaving her in a reckless state of mind that only Jake could pull her out of. He made her smile again. It was like I left her bleeding, and Jacob stitched her back up—and his stitches would leave their mark . . .  never dissolve, just like her feelings for him never will.

I had no other choice but to come to terms with the fact that she could be better with Jacob. But I would never leave, not until she asked me to. I don’t think of this as selfish, either. After realizing how much, how deeply, my absence had hurt her, I understand that she needs me as much as I need her. I won’t ever leave unless she asks.

Maybe, in theory, Jacob is better for her . . . but the only one who knows who is best for Bella, is Bella. Her happiness is truly all I care about. It is what I exist for. I felt a slight pang of guilt when I began to talk about mine and Bella’s future together, knowing Jacob was listening. Bella and I were discussing our favorite nights together, and she asked me what topped my list, what was my most favorite night ever. I was honest with her and told her it was the night she finally agreed to marry me. But I could have told her we would discuss it another time—when Jake wasn’t listening. I needed some kind of pay back, though, because Jacob spent the entire night pressed against her, dreaming up delusional fantasies that made me want to rip his—

She kissed Jacob, and as much as I detested the thought of him so close to her, his lips pressed to her lips where mine belong, I know she is only human. He tricked her, too. He sure knows how to fight dirty. But so do I. The difference is that I instantly regret hurting Jake, because I know I’m hurting Bella in the process.

For now, I will make nice with the pup. He was hurt by one of the newborns, trying to protect Leah. But the real reason he was there to begin with was to protect Bella, from Victoria and her army of newborns. And for that, I respect Jake.

“He’s like a drug for you, Bella. I see that you can’t live without him now. It’s too late. But I would have been healthier for you. Not a drug; I would have been the air, the sun.” – Jacob Black

Bella and I cannot live without each other. The air and the sun do not matter when we are apart. Living doesn’t matter when we aren’t living together.

I think I know enough of hate
To know that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.





New pic of Edward, Bella & Jacob!

Here is an ice cream ad that has Edward, Bella & Jacob on it! This is a new pics of the three of them… but I’m not sure if it’s an Eclipse or New Moon poster. What do you think? Let me know via my Twitter HERE!

Eclipse Movie




Shaun White Travels With Jacob Black (So Funny)

This is awesome. Shaun White is hilarious! Luv him. It’s safe to say he’s ‘Team Jacob.’ ;)

Thanks for pointing this out to me Maddy!



Dear Diary (Lorena)

“And then the fiery tangle of hair was no longer connected to the rest of her body. The shivering orange waves fell to the ground, and bounced once before rolling toward the trees. I forced my eyes – frozen wide open with shock- to move so that I could not examine too closely the oval object wrapped in tendrils of shivering, fiery hair.

Edward was in motion again. Swift and coolly businesslike, he dismembered the headless corpse.”


If I were still a human, looking at the vicious, red-haired vampire crouched before me, I would have believed she was Victoria. She was identical. Almost. My vision is sharp now that I’m a vampire, and I could easily see the very slight differences.

For one, the vampire standing in front of us was alive . . . as alive as a vampire could be. Victoria is dead. Being turned did not take my memory of Edward disassembling her body away—unfortunately. In fact, it’s one of my more prominent human memories. Again, unfortunately.

I stretched my shield over Edward and almost got to Charlie, but before I could, something entirely unexpected happened. Charlie turned toward me, his lips pulled up from his teeth, his piercing red eyes now vicious. He wanted to attack me, that much I could tell.

“Charlie, don’t. She has used her power on you. You don’t want to hurt Bella. This vampire has the ability to turn anyone she wants against whoever she chooses.” Edwards voice was steady, calm. He didn’t want to startle Charlie while he was in such a malevolent state, under the control of this vampire’s power.

The red-haired Victoria lookalike fastened her eyes on Edward as she spoke. “You know me quite well. I assume you can read minds. I guess I don’t have to explain to you why I’m here then.” She smirked and crouched even lower, ready to attack.

“I don’t read minds,” I hissed, shifting my eyes between her and Charlie. “What do you want with us? Are you related to Victoria?” It sound more like a demand than a question.

I could hear the pouncing of wolf paws growing louder and closer. She would be cornered, with no way out, which is why I couldn’t understand how she could still be crouched there, not running. So . . . brave.

The entire time I was struggling to blanket Charlie with my shield. For some reason I became extremely mentally drained trying to get it over him, but eventually I did. He snapped out of it and was no longer under her control. No longer trying to kill me.

“Actually, yes. I was related to Victoria. That is until your partner, Edward, killed her and her lover, James, trying to protect you.” She put heavy emphasis on the ‘you’ and snarled at me in complete disgust, then continued. “Victoria was my twin. We were turned together but went our separate ways overtime. I just got the news of her destruction, and you could say I’m not happy about it. Regardless of where we were in life, or what we were, we always had a connection. Now she is gone, forever, because of you.”

She lunged forward and placed both of her hands tightly around my neck, her teeth exposed, glistening. In a blur Edward yanked her off and had her pinned on the ground within seconds. Charlie and I crouched above her as the wolves came sliding in, creating a fog from the dirt and gravel being stirred up.

“It’s funny,” she hissed, “you’re giving me exactly what I want. I’m coming to you to be destroyed. Being alive, or whatever this is, gets old after a while. I’m tired of living, and now that I’m aware of  Victoria’s destruction, I believe my time is up, too. My original plan was to kill Bella, to ensure her lover here”—she shot her red eyes at Edward—”would come after me and give me what I want. So go for it. Finish me off. After all, I did turn your friend Mike into a meal. He has lovely tasting blood, by the way.” Her eyes flickered between Edward and I, swimming with hatred.

I began to wonder if this was some kind of reverse psychology thing. I knew Edward could read her mind, though, and if she were bluffing, he would be the first to know.

“Maybe we should get more acquainted before we agree to follow through with your request to be destroyed,” Edward hissed. “First of all, what is your name?” His eyes narrowed, and he had a glint of empathy in his expression. I could tell he was thinking back to a time when he wanted to be destroyed because he felt like he had nothing to live for.

“It’s Lorena!” she spat. “Now that you know my name, will you please get this over with? I promise I won’t put up a fight. If you don’t do it, I’m sure these wolves would be more than happy to tear me apart.” She was getting more submissive with each passing second.

The wolves paced around Lorena’s body, which was still pinned to the ground by Edward. He didn’t need to use force, she really was giving up, but he did anyway, just to be safe. For a few seconds no one said anything, it was almost too quiet, but I knew we were all thinking the same thing.

Charlie broke the silence. “Well, should we deliberate or something? Come to some sort of decision?”

“You do not have an option, really,” Lorena began. “You see, you either destroy me now, or I will come after the child that these two have together.” She waved her hand between Edward and I. “Not before attacking Bella first, which would cause you all to protect her, and destroy me anyway. Do we really need to do this the hard way? I know an eternity is a long time to live, but are you so bored that you would rather battle over this?” She rolled her bright red eyes, then closed them tightly.

She would never open them again.

With one abrupt movement, Edward twisted Lorena’s head, removed it from her body just like he did with her twin, Victoria. His lips were pulled over his teeth and his eyes flooded over with an anger that I had never seen before. The wolves started to bite at the corpse, tearing her apart, piece by piece. Charlie helped, too. I didn’t join in . . .  yet.

Everything seemed to be going in slow motion, despite their fast, seamless, movements. My sharp vision began to blur and my head started to overflow with flashbacks of when Edward dismantled Victoria. It was like watching it all over again. This time my father, Charlie, was helping.

Lorena‘s words echoed in my head, over and over: “You see, you either destroy me now, or I will come after the child that these two have together.” I closed my eyes and took in one, deep—but unnecessary, of course—breath. I exposed my teeth instinctively, and with one powerful spring, I leapt forward and landed smoothly on the grass right beside what was left of Victoria’s twin sister.

I pulled her torso apart so fast that it would look like nothing more than a blur to a human’s feeble eyes. When she was entirely dismantled, Charlie ran into our cabin and grabbed a pack of matches.

We lit a fire.

The smoke was thick, sweet-smelling. Edward kept his hand tightly around the small of my back as we watched the fire come to a radiant blaze, then eventually burn out as rain began to wash over us. That’s right: I almost forgot, it’s always raining in Forks. I miss it.

The smell of the rain was intoxicating and brought back so many memories that will forever be etched into my mind. The smell of the dirt turning into a squishy mud reminded me of the early morning, before school, when I was human. It was usually the first thing I spelled when I opened up the door in the morning and headed into my barely-running truck, and off to school to see the beautiful pale-faced boy with the golden eyes. The boy I thought hated me.

I snapped out of it when Edward kissed my cheek, keeping his lips pressed against me longer than normal. The wolves were still there, too, watching the blaze go out. The last flame flickered, then died out, and the sweet-smelling smoke cleared almost instantly after.

“Jake, we’re going to be heading back to New Hampshire tonight,” Edward began. “Charlie, Bella and I are going to head up to the house to get Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, and Jasper. Are you coming back with us?” Edward’s golden eyes focused on Jacob as he read his mind. He nodded. “Good, we’ll meet you at the house in an hour.” I assumed that was a ‘yes’ from Jacob. It didn’t take a mind reader to know that Jake missed Renesmee.

When we got back to the house in Forks, the big white house the Cullens used to live in, Edward briefly went over everything that happened. Alice saw it all coming, of course, but she also saw that we were in no danger. It happened too fast, within seconds, for her to have made it to us, to warn us. Not that we needed their help.

“Lets just hope they weren’t triplets,” Alice joked, her voice excited and musical. I half laughed, knowing that in my world, anything is possible.


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