Internal Battles

Dear Diary,

Apart from me giving Demetri glares from behind his back, I try my best to be nice, for Ness’s sake. Carlisle was so happy that Demetri has stuck to his new diet for three weeks now, and everyone has started trusting him more.

I still don’t though, mostly because he seems to spend most of his time with Nessie. I know it seems possessive but I still don’t like him. When he looks at her, it seems as though he is fighting an internal battle with himself. I try my best to cut in whenever they are around each other, but I still have to patrol, and lately it’s been harder to considering Kim and Jared’s wedding is tomorrow. And with Demetri living there, it’s not like I completely make sure they never see each other.

It seems as though I’ll never catch a break.

Earlier today, Ness was watching the football game with Emmett, and I sat down beside her easily. I had patrolled for five hours, and had to patrol again in two hours, so I was very thankful for the Cullens’ soft leather couches, there waiting for me to lounge on.

I felt Ness’s small hand cover mine as I leaned my head back and let out a loud sigh.

“Are you tired?” Ness asked, rubbing circles in my palm. I nodded.

“Yeah, I can’t wait for Kim and Jared to get married and get this freaking wedding crap over with. Double patrols suck.” I told her, and she leaned her head against my shoulder. I rested my eyes, and was almost completely relaxed when Emmett bellowed something about one of the teams cheating. I groaned, and Nessie giggled.

“Em, try to yell a little softer.” She said, and Emmett rolled his eyes, and turned his gaze back to the television intensely.

Ness started kissing my neck, and it intoxicated me enough to forget my surroundings. I buried my hands into her hair, and she kissed up my jaw to my lips, and I caught her lips with mine, and felt the familiar tingle run through me.

Ness bit my bottom lip, and I heard someone clear their throat. I looked up, and there was no surprise to who it was.

Demetri smiled sheepishly, and looked at Ness.

“You asked to see my book collection the other day, and I was wondering if you would like to now.” He said glancing nervously between us.

Ness smiled, and nodded, before getting up. She adjusted her shirt, and followed him up the stairs. She gave me an excited look, before leaving me to sit there, dumbfounded.

Nessie shared a love for books and literature, just like her mother, so it was logical for her to agree right? Why the hell did he have to interrupt then? Could he have not waited? I’m tired, and was aching to be around Ness as much as I can before my next patrol, but no, he had to whisk her away to look at books. Books. I sighed, and leaned back on the couch. Emmett was still sitting at the other end, completely unaware that anything just happened. Feeling frustrated and hurt, I walked into the kitchen, ready to stuff my face. Esme stood in there, wiping down the counter, and I grinned at her while getting a leftover turkey leg out of the fridge.

“Hello, Jacob. How are you?” She asked, smiling. I know I’m supposed to dislike all vampires, there is no way in hell I could ever dislike Esme. She was the best cook ever.

Tired.” I muttered, and chomped down on my turkey leg. She nodded sympathetically.

“Yes, with all the wedding plans making you patrol doubles, must make you tired. I was going to make you some pre-made meals so you can heat them up to allow you more time to rest, and less time cooking.” She said, and I walked over to hug her softly. Her sickly sweet smell invaded my nose but I couldn’t help but like it that her cold arms patted my back maternally. Ever since my mom died, this was the first person to try to take care of me like a mother would, and I was glad to have her. Even if vampires are my natural enemy, I have really bonded with everyone in this family. It’s like their my extended family, and it’s nice, considering the only family I have is my dad, and my sisters. I see Rachael since she lives with Paul ten minutes away, but I never see Rebecca who still lives in Hawaii with her surfer dude husband.

I thanked her and left the kitchen with my turkey leg, realizing patrol was in twenty minutes. Nessie wasn’t back yet, so I went up to Demetri’s room to tell her goodbye.

When I opened his door softly, she was staring at a book in her hands with a look of wonder, while Demetri stood a couple of feet away from her, waiting for her reaction.

“This is an original copy of ‘Jane Eyre’?” She asked, and when he nodded, she squealed. I watched her run and hug him tightly, thanking him over and over again.

This time, I was the one to clear my throat. Nessie and Demetri both looked over at me. Ness extracted herself from Demetri’s embrace, grinned widely at me.

“Jake! Demetri gave me an original copy of ‘Jane Eyre’! Is that not amazing?” She exclaimed, and I nodded stiffly. She squealed again, and hugged him again. Demetri smiled, and it was all I had left not to claw his throat out. He snaked his pale arm around her waist, and I had to muffle the monstrous growl threatening to come out.

“Well, I’m gonna leave now, I have to patrol again.” I said, and Ness frowned at me.

“Again? Hmm. Okay, well I’ll see you tomorrow before the wedding?” She asked, and I nodded. She walked over to me, and hugged me tightly, fitting perfectly in my arms. She pulled back a bit to kiss me, and lingered her lips there for a few more moments before pulling back with a small smile on her face.

“Goodbye.” She whispered, and I kissed her forehead. I looked over her head, and saw Demetri busying himself with a box of books, and I watched him for a minute. Demetri finally looked up; he must’ve felt my gaze boring into his back.

“Bye, Demetri.” I said lowly, and he nodded at me with acknowledgement before turning back to his books. Giving Ness a chaste kiss, I walked out of Demetri’s room, restraining myself from taking Ness with me. I hate that she is in the same room as him, let alone his room. Even if Edward can read thoughts, I’ve heard you can keep him from hearing certain things, and I still am weary to Demetri’s intentions. Grinding my teeth, I jogged the short distance home. I drank half of a two liter of root beer, and spent the remainder of my time telling this diary everything about my day.

Kim and Jared’s wedding is tomorrow, and I’ll update you on it afterwards. Talk to you later,

- Jacob

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Dear Diary,

We’ve caught a scent.

This time it’s a familiar one. It’s the scent of one of the Volturi members, though not the three old guys. It’s that one that’s part of their ‘guard’. He hasn’t contacted the Cullens, and we can’t catch him. None of us know why he’s here, but we think he’s here to ‘check up’ on the Cullens.

The other day, I caught sight of him, but couldn’t keep up with him. Thankfully, I’m not running doubles, but every once in a while I’ll patrol around the house, just for Ness’s sake.

Yesterday, I went with Ness to a secluded part of the lake, and enjoyed a nice picnic with her…until it was interrupted.

“This is really good, Jake. I didn’t know you could cook,” Ness said, taking a bite of the chicken pasta I made. I learned the easiest thing to cook is chicken. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.

She looked amazing today, no surprise there. She wasn’t even trying either.

“Have you found that Volturi guy yet?” She asked, adjusting her white cotton sundress. I shook my head.

“No…We aren’t patrolling too much though…I mean the guy hasn’t made a move yet, so we’re waiting for an open shot at the moment.” I explained. She nodded.

“Yes, I did a pretty good job of keeping them off our backs at least a few years, didn’t I?” She said, wearing a smug smile. I grinned.

“Of course honey, you do everything perfectly,” I said, kissing her forehead. She rolled her eyes, and looked at the lake.

“Sometimes…I just wish everyone would leave us alone…So we could all be the happy family we’re supposed to be.” She whispered. Don’t I know it.

“I do too…but since when has anything gone completely right for our family?” I asked. She shrugged.

“It did with us.” She said, snuggling into my arm. I chuckled.

With the exception of your father,” I replied, and she giggled.

“My mom told me about when dad left her.” Ness stated after a minute. My eyebrows rose so much they almost came off my head.

“What? She did?” I asked. Ness nodded, looking down.

“Her and dad told me everything, about how they met, when he left her…when you were friends, and the army of newborns…everything.” She said.

“Are you upset?” I asked, worried about what she thought of me ‘loving’ Bella, years ago.

“No…It’s just…promise you’ll never leave me…Even if it’s to protect me. I don’t know how my mom did it…but I can’t be without you.” She said, her eyes turning glassy with tears. I gave her a shocked look.

“Ness, trust me. For once, I’m way smarter than your dad is on that subject. I love you too much to ever even try to leave…And, though your dad did it to ‘protect’ your mother, I don’t suck blood, and I can’t ever get angry with you, so the only way to protect you, is literally. In my opinion, you have to be there to actually protect someone. So, stop being silly.” I told her. She chewed her lip, but nodded, and I smiled.

“Good.” I said. She leaned into me, before molding her lips with mine, and the sweet pomegranate taste of her invaded my thoughts.

I groaned and pulled away when my cell phone started going off.

“Jacob, you need to come to the house.” Edward said, and I frowned.

“What happened?” I asked, and looked at Ness. She looked worried, of course.

“You’ll see once you get home.” He said, I and agreed to be there in a few minutes.

“Ness, we have to go home.” I said, closing my phone.

“Did something happen?” She asked, and I shook my head.

“He wouldn’t tell me,” I said, kissing her forehead and jogging towards the trees. I watched Ness start putting our stuff back in the basket, and I stripped down once in the protection of the trees. I soon felt the familiar surge of heat shake down my spine, until I was in wolf form.

Taking a deep breath, I padded to the edge of the forest, and watched Ness make her way over to me. She picked up my forgotten clothes and placed them over her arm before pulling herself over my back, and grabbed my fur for safety.

Our picnic basket thumped against my shoulder when I started running, but it wasn’t too much of a nuisance because I was so focused on getting to the Cullens’. Even if curiosity killed the cat, I don’t give a damn. I’m always curious, so I guess I can say I was going to explode if I didn’t figure out what was going on son.

Ness climbed off once we arrived, leaving my clothes in a neat pile in the backyard before going inside. I got dressed quickly, and made my way to the door, when I smelled the vampire’s scent. I jolted to a stop, and looked around. I was alone out here, so I nervously followed the scent a few feet, and it lead straight to the door. Once I realized this, I remember rushing inside, wondering what the hell was happening. All the Cullens were seated in the living room, along with the pack sitting in the floor. Ness was standing next to where Bella sat. I smelled the vampire’s scent strongly, and realized he was standing next to the television. I froze, and my eyes widened. I felt heat rush through me, and I started shaking, my hands forming fists.

“It’s okay, Jake. Calm down, and we’ll explain.” Carlisle said. I furrowed my eyebrows, and crossed my arms, waiting for an explanation.

“I think you know I was part of the Volturi guard, right?” The vampire asked. I nodded stiffly, and he continued.

“I’m Demetri, by the way. I guess you want an explanation,” Demetri said, and I raised my eyebrows, welcoming him to speak.

“I didn’t mind killing humans, at all. After all, my wife and child from my human life were long gone; dead of old age, I’m sure. Considering I’m a couple hundred years old, now. When I was changed, Aro did it against my will, and I was forced to leave my family, my new baby. I was only married for a year, so it was depressing to leave, not being able to finish the life I started…but I refused to put my family in danger like that, so I didn’t stay with them. I decided at that point I didn’t care anymore, until… somehow, my great-granddaughter came to the Volturi’s chamber for a ‘tour’. I always had lived in Italy…but I never imagined she would come there.” he said, frowning deeply.

“Of course I didn’t know this information, until it was too late. It was feeding time, and I killed her, without realizing who she was. I threw her with the other bodies we finished feeding on, and glanced at her again before I was going to make my way to my sleeping chamber. It was then when I saw the resemblance she had to me, and my wife.” he said, his breathing coming out like he was choking.

“Of course I stopped walking, and stared at the dead girl. That was when I asked Aro if he knew who she was, because he reads the thoughts of everyone that comes, considering how cruel he is to our… their food.” He cleared his throat, and continued.

“He told me everything about her, seeing he read her thoughts before I fed on her, and learned of her name. He even somehow knew that it was part of my family; part of me, and he still let me kill her. I had never felt so sick in my life, and I then realized how many lives I ruined by killing people just to feed myself, the way I felt then, I had made people feel it every day. I never have despised myself that much before, and I then realized the way I was living had to be immoral. I spent weeks deciding; keeping my thoughts to myself or course, and finally made the decision to come here. I guess I want a second chance. I want to try the Cullens’ way of life. I haven’t fed on a human in two weeks, let alone anything. I tried to catch some animals, but your pack is…very fast.” He said, gesturing to all of us.

“His thoughts are solemn.” Edward stated, and Carlisle nodded in agreement.

“Yes, I believe Demetri truly does want to try our way of life, and I wanted to confirm with everyone if it is alright letting him join us.” Carlisle said. I looked at the pack, and Sam nodded.

“Yeah, it is.” I said, and Demetri smiled, his black eyes flitting between everyone.

“If you don’t mind, can I step out and hunt?” He asked, and Carlisle nodded.

“I’m a bit thirsty too.” Carlisle said, following Demetri out of the glass door.

“Well that was…interesting.” Embry said, standing up. I turned and looked at him. The rest of the pack were getting up too, the scent making their nose burn, most likely.

“Yeah, I know.” Quil agreed. They both patted my back and left, Sam and the rest following.

Demetri seemed like an alright guy. I mean, I don’t trust him completely, not even Carlisle does, considering he went hunting with him, making sure he strictly stayed on their diet. I felt sympathy for him though, you know? He killed his great-granddaughter. That Aro guys is a punk, not telling him he was murdering a part of his family. So, I don’t really mind him joining the Cullens, as long as he sticks to the diet, I’m fine with it.

I’ll talk to you guys later, and I’ll make sure to keep you guys updated.

- Jacob

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The Truth Told

Dear Diary,

Nothing has been out of the ordinary. After Louis met Leah, it was like it was before, except Leah wasn’t being a depressed, angry, chick I was used to anymore. She was happy. I was glad for her, and it was nice not having her all up in your case for once.

I’m back to running normal patrols now, and I’m glad to have time to eat and sleep again. I’ve had a lot of time to spend with Nessie too. I can’t believe how much more mature she’s gotten. She’s very smart, and fun to talk to. I find myself in love with her no matter how much I think through the consequences. I was made to be with her.

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store with her, I guess I needed to be with her for a while. I find myself wanting to be around her more and more…every time I see her, I want to spend even more time with her, and my need has grown a lot since then. We were just about to go to the checkout line, when this guy came up to Ness and hugged her. He looked like such a freaking tool.

They were talking animatedly about some project and about how much they wanted to get out of school, while I pretended to study the different brands of American cheese. Then he asked her out. The damn kid asked her out.

“Hey, what are you doing tonight?” the guy asked. I was fuming already.

“Well, I’ll have to check. You want to call me?” she asked. I tried to control my shaking, though they completely ignored me.

“Yeah, sure.” he grinned widely, while Ness pulled a gum wrapper out of her bag, and scribbled her number. After she handed it to him, he glanced at me for the first time, and he shrunk back. He scrambled away and Ness grinned after him.

“He is so cute!” she said, not noticing my state of anger. I rammed my cart into the line, and she looked slightly concerned.

“What’s wrong Jake?” she pestered. I glared at the candy bars in front of me.

“Nothing.” I spat, and regretted using that tone, but was to angry to apologize. She winced, and paid the checkout lady.

When we made it home, I carried all the bags, and she went inside. I followed, and left all the groceries on the counter.

By the time I had stomped outside, I saw Edward relaxing in a patio chair. He must of read my thoughts.

“I don’t want her dating either, you know.” he said softly. I nodded.

“Tell me about it.” I said. Edward hummed in agreement, and we conversed softly about the situation. He told me to let her go, that she needs a normal teenage life…that is until I tell her about her being my imprint. Jeez, that’s gonna be hard.

Of course Alice, the midget, was thrilled to give Ness a ‘makeover’. I was taking deep breaths, controlling myself, and watched some football with Emmett. Me and him have become pretty tight over the last few years. A lot of common interests.

By the time Ness was left, looking like a freaking goddess, I was very angry that she would be going to ‘dinner’ with this punk.

The rest of the house had scattered, to go hunting. Then I decided to ignore my conscious, and followed them.

He took her to a restaurant outside of town, and I walked in a minute after they did. The hostess asked where I wanted to sit. I shook my head at her, and took a spot in a booth. The hostess shrugged, and let me stay where I was. I’m sure I looked murderous, so she didn’t bother. I was glad to see the booth I chose had perfect sight of them, and no possible way she could see me.

She laughed a lot, and blushed a lot. She would let her eyes wonder every once in a while, and though she couldn’t see me, it seemed like she could feel I was there. I heard her date ask for their check, and I knew it was my cue to leave. I got up, and walked outside. By the time I opened my door, I heard an angry voice yell my name. Oops. I forgot she could see the exit door. Crap. Ness came out of the building with her face flushed, and eyes almost black with anger.

“Jacob Black, what the hell are you doing here, at my date?!” She exclaimed, flailing her hands through the air.

“I was hungry.” I lied. She rolled her eyes.

“Bullcrap!” She yelled. Her date had walked out then, and she looked at him. She whispered something in his ear, probably telling him to go ahead and leave from what I could hear. He looked at me, and nodded to Nessie, mumbling a goodbye, before he bolted to his car. He peeled out of the parking lot like a bat out of hell. I almost went to kick this punk’s butt for leaving Ness, even if she told him to. I couldn’t though because she demanded my attention.

“I was checking up on you.” I mumbled. She looked at me incredulously.

“I am allowed to date!” She shrieked.

“That guy was such a tool!” I said. She frowned and kept going on and on about how she had freedom, and that even if I didn’t like it, I shouldn’t screw it up. I sighed. She was rambling on and on, until I did what I have waited years to do. I kissed her. I couldn’t stop myself, and once I kissed her, I didn’t want to stop. She had such soft lips, and tasted slightly of pomegranate. I tried to push all my love through the kiss, and when she started responding, I pulled away.

“Ness, ever since I saw you, not even a day old, I knew you were made for me…You’re my… imprint.” I said slowly, wondering if I should regret saying this. Her eyes widened, and her already abnormally fast heartbeat picked up, and started beating faster. Her already flushed face became a deep crimson. I remember her reaction as clear as day.

“Wha-what?” She whispered. I looked up at her.

“Yes, imprint…Like Sam and Emily, Jared and Kim.” Her eyes got even wider, and her brows furrowed.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she said, her voice still quiet. I felt guilty.

“I…we, wanted to wait until you were ready…I also was afraid of your reaction, you know, that you wouldn’t feel the same. I wonder now if I should have waited.” I said, looking at her. Her eyes narrowed.

“No! I’m glad you told me. I mean, It explains a lot.” She said.

“Explains what?” I asked, confused.

“All the…everything I’ve felt for you. Love, attraction…I was keeping it to myself, because I was afraid it would ruin our friendship. It also explains your jealousy.” She said, giggling at the end, a small, embarrassed giggle. Her and I talked for about twenty minutes in my car while sitting in the parking lot, and I explained to her that, I too felt those feelings for her. She understood, but still seemed a bit…shocked.

The car ride home was silent, a bit uncomfortable. I dropped her off with a light kiss on her forehead, whispered ‘I love you’, and drove home, hoping the Cullens wouldn’t be back from hunting. I already could imagine Eddie’s reaction. I am so dead.

I think I hear a car up my drive, so I’m gonna go.

I’ll tell you what happens…if I live.

– Jacob

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