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April

18th

Jacob’s Diary: Three Days

Dear Diary,

Today was the day. The room was set up, and everyone was anxiously waiting. Ever since we made the decision to turn Dad, it’s felt as if time had been standing still. Was I regretting this decision? Should I really let him go through with this? I sat there and begged him to turn, and now I wasn’t so sure if this was the right thing to do.

“Jacob, if this wasn’t the right thing to do, you wouldn’t have fought so hard for Billy to agree to it! Just because you’re having second thoughts now doesn’t mean anything. You’re just nervous—that’s all. We all are,” Ness reassured.

She’d been trying to calm me down all morning. I told her how I was feeling, but she just wasn’t having it.

“I guess you could be right,” I finally told her. She nodded with a satisfied smile on her face. I only halfway believed what I was saying.

“Jacob, just relax, okay? Your dad is probably way more nervous about this than you are, and you’re his support system. You have to be strong for him right now.” Her voice held a tone of finality.

She was right. I am his support system. The pack had accepted the decision, but they didn’t exactly approve. I had to stop being selfish. My own fears were irrelevant; I had to be there for him.

I decided to quit wallowing about the situation, and I left the Cullen house to go get Dad from La Push. Carlisle had “reopened” the house they owned in Forks, that way we could change Dad in a well-prepared room. Ness and I have been staying there with everyone else, so we could give Dad some space to think.

I hopped in Carlisle’s Mercedes and took the winding drive to the highway, then took the exit to La Push.

Dad was up and ready when I got there, sitting in his wheelchair on the front porch. My heart twisted seeing him sitting there, a baseball cap covering his bald head, his frame thin and frail. He smiled and waved when I pulled in the driveway, but I saw through his fake assurance.
He was scared shitless.
~.~
Once we made it back to Forks, Dad was rambling nonstop — nervous babbling. I humored him and held light conversation with him until we made it back to the Cullen Estate. The car slid across the driveway and I eased it to a stop, glancing over at Dad.

“Well, are you ready?” I asked, searching his face for a reaction.

“Yes, Son. I think so.” His face looked grim, but I could see he was determined. He knew that there was a chance of him not making it through this, and so did I.

“This is it, Dad. I believe you can make it through this, but you have to believe in yourself. This is scaring me just as much as it’s scaring you, but it’s all or nothing. This is your last chance to fight this shitty disease, and to beat it. I know this is going against our culture, our nature. This isn’t betrayal, though. This is your last move; this is your choice so that you can live. It’s not wrong Dad. I think after everything that’s happened these past few years, it’s been proof that not all vampires are bad. It won’t change who you are. You can do this.”

His face crumpled, I broke the wall down. “Jacob, do you really believe this? Do you really think I can do it? All I can think to myself is that I’m betraying our ancestors . . . I’m just not ready to leave you though.” His voice broke as he spoke, and I reached over to hug him. The pleas I made toward him were supposed to calm him, but also reassured me.

This was it.

After we calmed down, I got his wheelchair out of the trunk and helped him into it. “Just think, after today you can walk!” I said, grinning at the thought. The venom would heal his paralysis — if it worked. If this transformation doesn’t fail, a lot of good things will come of it.

Carlisle greeted us at the front door. “Hey, guys. Feeling okay?” His concern seeped through his words, the art of being a doctor, I guess. I nodded, and so did Dad. Neither of us vocally responded.

I lifted the wheelchair completely over the step onto the front porch, and wheeled him into the house. Everyone stood there: Edward and Bella were smiling, and Esme was holding a glass of beer—for Billy, I assumed. Ness stood by her parents, a reassuring smile on her face. Everyone else awkwardly stood around the kitchen’s island, trying to break their stoic expressions with smiles.

“Well, as soon as you hunt, I call dibs on your first arm wrestle!” Emmett raised his flexed bicep to his lips and kissed it.

“You’d think after losing to me, you’d lick your wounds instead of challenging another newborn, Emmett!” Bella laughed and punched him on the shoulder.

Emmett puckered his bottom lip. “Ow, Belly! “ He frowned, grasping his arm. “Not in the money maker!”

Bella rolled her eyes. The playful banter was a good distraction from the upcoming events.

Billy took a sip from his beer. “Boy, I’m gonna miss this stuff. I hope deer blood tastes this good.” He finished his sentence with a gulp of the beer. Everyone laughed nervously. The air was thick, but they were all trying very hard to dissipate the tension.

“Well, Billy, let’s go get you set up. I’ll get some morphine in you, and prepare the venom. This shouldn’t take long.” Carlisle wheeled the chair into the room down the hall, which was set up with a heart monitor and all the necessary medications.

Bella had told me the morphine didn’t help at all during the transformation, but it might ease some of Billy’s fear if he thinks it will. Carlisle was going to put Billy under anesthesia, and then he planned to use a syringe to put the venom directly in his heart. He hoped it would make the venom spread faster.

Carlisle lifted Dad onto the bed before attaching all the sensors for his vitals. Carlisle inserted the IV and started the anesthesia. “Okay, Billy. I want you to start counting backwards from one hundred.” Carlisle held Billy’s hand and I could feel Jasper using his gift to calm the room. I immediately felt relaxed.

Dad began to count, and I walked over to grab his other hand. “I love you, Dad. You can do this,” I looked straight into his eyes, and a tear made its way down his cheek. He nodded, and continued counting. He made it to 62 before he was under, and Carlisle began checking his vitals again. He used a flashlight to check Billy’s pupils before checking his blood pressure. Everything checked out, so he turned to the counter and grabbed the syringe of venom he collected from his own teeth.

“This is it,” he told me.

“This is it,” I repeated. My body tensed, even under Jasper’s mood voodoo.

Carlisle placed the syringe directly over the spot over Dad’s heart; his shirt was opened, leaving the skin bare to puncture the skin. I still held Dad’s hand, and my eyes started to well up.

Ness came up behind me; her touch on my shoulder broke my resolve. I covered my face with my free hand so I wouldn’t have to watch. I heard the needle push through the skin, and a few seconds later, the plunger of the syringe being pushed down.

“Okay, Jacob. It’s done.” Carlisle lightly pulled my hand away from my face, because his words hadn’t registered yet. My eyes burned with tears and I looked at Dad. He still looked peacefully asleep, but the heart monitor started going crazy. There was no going back now.

Carlisle removed the IV then buttoned up Dad’s shirt. We wouldn’t know if it worked until the three day mark. If he wakes up, it worked. If he doesn’t, we failed. After five minutes, his heart rate deceased—which was normal for a transformation. I just kept holding onto the hope that his body would not reject the change.

Three days of anticipation.

And now, we wait.

- Jacob

December

1st

(Jacob’s Diary) Taking Chances

Dear Diary,

I was on my way home from the hospital. My face was tear-stained and flushed, and I had a lump in my throat the size of Canada.

. . .  Dad decided that he’s going to let Carlisle change him.

It took three hours of me begging, pleading and crying, but he finally came around.

“Jacob, you don’t understand. It’s against my nature.” He kept shaking his head. He must think I’m insane. I probably am.

“Dad, look, I’ve talked to Carlisle, and you never made the transformation into a wolf! That means there’s no reason that your body would reject the venom, necessarily. If you won’t take anymore chemo, we at least have to try.” My eyes welled up. “Please, Dad.” My voice broke, and Carlisle stepped in.

“Billy, this might really be good for you. Venom heals while you transform—you will walk again! You’ll gain strength back; it’ll be like you never went through chemo in the first place.” Carlisle was using his hands as he talked, adding emphasis to his hope that the change would work. I trusted Carlisle with my life more than once. I trust him to make the right decision for my dad. If he truly believes it’ll work, and it would ensure me I’d never lose my dad–

Hell I’m all for it. As selfish as it sounds, I think I have the right to always have my family. If I’m going to live forever, so is my family.

My dad seemed a little unsettled once we all agreed that he would try to be changed. Which, I completely understood. Our Quileute heritage makes us revolted by vampires. The smell, look, and feeling they give us is nauseating. Whether or not my dad ever became a wolf, he was still disgusted by vampires—naturally. So it’s understandable that he’s uncomfortable with the thought of their venom coursing through his veins, changing him into one of them.

At the same time though, I’m pretty sure that dad really doesn’t want to die. I think he said he was okay with it because he’d rather die than suffer—or see me suffer for that matter.

It was going to be hard for everyone. I think that this is the best thing to do, though–at least give it a shot before he goes down. It never hurts to try.

I’m really scared though, honestly. I’m terrified his body will reject the venom and he’ll die in a worse way than he prefers. The thought of Dad dying is terrifying.

Nobody else knows yet, that we’ve made the decision, that we’ve even considered it.

Carlisle is staying at the hospital with dad, and I’ve called a family meeting to discuss it with everyone else. Since Nessie is the only one still in La Push besides Carlisle, I’m going to Skype-call everyone, and then I’ll speak with the rest of the pack.

Nessie rushed to the car as soon as I drove up the dirt drive, her face worried and searching mine.

“What’s going on? Anything new?” she asked me breathlessly, her hair falling over random spots of her face. I bit my lip.

“I’ve called a family meeting with everyone. We have to discuss something.” I got out of my car, grabbed my jacket, and trudged towards the front door.

“Huh? What about? Jake!” The screen door squeaked as I opened it, and I ignored her questions. I knew she’d freak as soon as I told her, so I had to sit down and talk to everyone all at once.

I walked to Dad’s desktop computer and clicked on the Skype icon.

“Jacob Black! Tell me what’s going on right now!” She yelled from behind me.

“Ness, you will know in like, five seconds. Just let me pull this up, okay?” I sighed, setting up the call with the Cullen’s. She groaned, but didn’t say anything else. She pulled up a chair beside me and grabbed my hand.

I squeezed it.

“Hey, Jake! What’s up?”  Bella showed up on the quality webcam, her golden eyes glowing. She looked well.

“Hey Bells, is everyone there?” I asked. She nodded, scooting back so that the whole living room appeared, including all of them— looking grave. I sighed. Here goes nothing.

“Well everyone, Dad decided to stop taking the chemo treatments. Carlisle and I discussed something with him that might help. He agreed, but, well- I need to let everyone else know.” I paused then rushed  out, “We’re gonna try to change him.”

I heard a few gasps, and Ness stiffened.

“What?” she shrilled in my ear.

“Change as in vampire change?” Emmett asked. Esme had her hand over her mouth; Jasper looked confused; Alice looked at the ground; Rosalie looked mad; Emmett was smiling; and Bella and Edward were dumbfounded. Great.

“B-but you can’t! He’s-you can’t change a Quileute!” Bella had her mouth down and was doing her angry stuttering thing.

“Look, everyone, just calm down for a second.” I turned to Ness, placing a soothing hand on her back. “We’ve already gone over all the risks. We know there’s a chance his body can reject the venom. Carlisle is confident that, since he never became a wolf, he’ll be okay. It’s our last resort; he’ll die from not taking the chemo. We have to try something. He’s already agreed, it’s not like anyone’s forcing him.” My voice trailed off when I was done explaining. There was a tense silence for several seconds.

“Hell yeah! Papa wolf a vampire too? I’m all in!” Emmett had a goofy grin on his face, and everyone broke down, either smiling or at least breaking their scowls.

“You’re sure that he wants to?” Bella asked me, biting her lip. I nodded.

“I mean, he’s kind of uneasy–which I don’t think is out of line. He still wants to try though. I know he doesn’t want to die yet.” I looked at my lap where Ness and I had our hands intertwined. When I looked up at her, she had a small smile on her face, her lips slightly pursed, and tears in her eyes.

Let’s try,” she whispered, and I nodded.

After a few more minutes of everyone agreeing, I ended the call.

“Now we have to tell the pack,” I sighed, internally groaning, exasperated. This is not going to be fun.

  - Jacob 

 

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August

7th

Jacob’s Diary (Permission)

Dear Diary,

This morning I was woke up by the sounds of my dad groaning.

Ness was snuggled in my arms, soundly asleep, so I tried to maneuver my way out of bed as easily as I could. When I got to my feet, she grunted and rolled over. I smiled at her for a second, but then I remembered I had to go check on Dad, so I quickly padded down the hallway to his bedroom.

“Dad, are you okay?” I asked, hurrying over to him. He was laying there, covered in sweat, his lips chapped—trembling violently. “Dad, talk to me. Come on, what’s wrong?” He still wouldn’t answer me, instead he just blankly stared at the space above my head.

My heart began to race.

I quickly took him in my arms and carried him out to the car, trying to ignore the aggravating tears threatening to spill out. I grabbed my phone off the table on my way out.
We sped towards the hospital.

I shot Ness a text at the stoplight to let her know that I was going to the hospital, and to come as soon as she woke up. It was only a quarter till six. My tires squealed as I took the only parking space available near the front of the parking lot. I hopped out of my truck. I took a deep breath. I tried to stay calm.
Don’t let him see you cry, I warned myself.

I pushed away my silent banter and rushed to get my dad out of the car. “You’re gonna be fine, pops. I’m getting you some help. Just be patient.” My heart kept clenching uncomfortably, making my words tight, coming out in short breaths.

I carried him bridal-style up the stairs and to the front desk of the La Push hospital. A very non-native looking woman with pale skin and bright red hair quickly got off the phone and looked at me with deep concern.

“My dad, Billy Black, is a patient here. He’s got pancreatic cancer and I found him like this fifteen minutes ago. He needs help right now.” I was gritting my teeth, not out of anger, but the stress that I felt was too much to handle.

The woman’s eyes widened when she took in my dad’s appearance. She picked up the phone and called for some nurses to take him up to a room. Fifteen seconds later, nurses bustled down the hallway pushing a wheelchair. When they made it to me I lightly sat Dad down. He was still out of it, but thankfully he stayed upright. The older nurse made a 360 with the chair and started wheeling him down the hallway they came from. I followed a couple feet behind, and stepped into the elevator with them.

We all stood awkwardly while the elevator took us to the fourth floor. I let the three nurses step out; wheeling my dad with them. I stepped out last and watched as they rushed him to a room. There was a doctor waiting at the door; he was definitely of Quileute descent, and towered over the petite nurses. They shuffled into the hospital room and transferred him onto the bed.

“We need to check out what’s going on, do you mind waiting out here?” the older nurse asked me. I nodded, my mouth too dry to speak. She slipped into the room, closing the door behind her.

The room had a small window that was at my eye level, so I looked through it. They were giving my dad an IV, and the doctor was using a flashlight to look at his eyes. My eyes welled up with tears, so I backed away and leaned against the wall before sliding down to sit on the floor.

I pulled my phone out of my pajama pants pocket and saw a text from Ness. I must have woke her up pulling out of the driveway because she texted me back almost immediately. She said she was leaving, so I got up from my spot on the floor. I made my way to the elevator briskly and tapped my foot nervously on the ride down.

When I got off the elevator, I saw her at the front desk. She looked disheveled, wearing yesterday’s jeans, her hair pulled in a messy bun, her sleep shirt wrinkled. She saw me and before waiting for the receptionist to respond, she rushed over to me.

“Jake! What’s happening?” She was breathless, and hugged me tightly, trembling. Shit, she started crying.

“I don’t know yet, honey. They’re checking him out right now. He was just in a lot of pain and he wasn’t really conscious.” I felt her tense up. I took a deep breath and pulled away from her. Two more little tears streamed down on both sides of her face.

“Ness,” I breathed. She closed her eyes and I felt my eyes watering. I angrily clenched them.

Stupid tears.

“Jake, we can’t lose him. This can’t happen.” She shook her head and I just pulled her into my arms again, kissing the top of her head.

“It’ll be okay. No matter what happens, you have to stay strong. For him.” I felt her nod against my chest. She took a deep breath, pulled away, wiping her face feebly.

“I guess we should go see him now,” she said, using all of her will power to stay somewhat composed. I grabbed her hand, and we started walking to the elevator. She stayed huddled to my side the ride up to the fourth floor and kept a hold of my hand when we started walking to Dad’s room.
Five minutes after we made it to the outside of his room, the doctor walked out.


“You’re Mr. Black’s son, right?” he asked, looking at my dad’s chart. I nodded, and waited to hear what he had to say. “I’m his doctor, Dr. Reynolds. I’m sorry to say your father’s cancer has gotten worse. Since he hasn’t gone through enough chemo or radiation, it’s proceeded to spread through to his lungs. We have him on oxygen right now because it’s making it extremely difficult for him to breathe. I’m afraid he’s going to have to stay here until . . . ” The doctor trailed off, and his expression was grim.

I swallowed.

“Thank you, Doctor. Can I go see him now?” I asked. The doctor nodded and I stepped aside so he could go to where he was needed, and Ness and I went into dad’s room.


He was propped up on pillows with a clear tube connected to his nose. I felt Ness’s hand clench. His eyes were closed, but the heart monitor chirped, showing he was still alive. I let go of Nessie’s hand and went to my dad’s side. “Dad?” I whispered. He opened his eyes to look at me.

“Hey, kid,” he said in a raspy voice. I gulped back my tears.


Ness was crying again and dad frowned.


He slowly raised his arm until she came over to him, and she laid down beside him.“There, there,” he rasped, and Nessie just squeezed her eyes shut. I sat down in the faux leather chair and watched Dad comfort Ness.

She was going to be a mess.

I’m not even worried about myself.


I’m not saying that just because I lost my mother it’ll make going through this any easier. It won’t. But I’ll be a little more prepared. I’ll be ready for the feeling. Going through it has shown me how it feels, so it won’t blindside me. Having an immortal family doesn’t necessarily prepare you for this kind of thing. This is really hard for her to understand. The best I can do is be there for her. We are part of each other. It’s my job to ensure her happiness; her happiness is mine. Her pain is mine. This is going to be a big thing for both of us to go through. I’m just praying that we can get through this together.

Carlisle brought up one other option. One thing that might help. Dad’s too stubborn in my opinion, but maybe I can convince him. I’ll just see if I can bring it up when Nessie leaves the room; it needs to be a one-on-one talk to get his permission.

Permission to change him.

- Jacob

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***Note, I’m not a doctor, so my medical information might not be spot on. I tried to do some research on it, then I got bored. Thanks! ;)

July

18th

Jacob’s Diary Web Series Casting Call for Baton Rouge!

Hey friends!

*waves*

Krystal here (@kstylemclean on Twitter)!

We recently had a film student out of Baton Rouge named Lindsay contact us asking if she could make a web series for Jacob’s Diary, which is written by Meagan (@meagansparkles on Twitter). Of course we said, ‘Sure, go for it!’ 

The thing is, she needs actors willing to volunteer to help her out! 

Here is the casting notice she sent me to pass along to anyone who lives in the area:

ATTENTION: There will be a casting call in the Baton Rouge, LA area for the Jacob’s Diary Web Series, planned to debut in December of 2012.

Auditions are open to anyone for all roles. These are nonpaying roles.

If interested, please contact jacobsdiary@yahoo.com for audition dates and questions. Thank you!

This is a great opportunity for anyone wanting experience, and it will be posted online, and on our websites!

Good luck everyone!

June

29th

(Jacob’s Diary) Realization

Dear Diary,

These past few weeks have been tough; the toughest I’ve ever had to go through.
I thought the feeling of losing my mom would never pass. Seeing my dad this way . . . it’s  just as bad. Maybe even worse. Losing my mom was quick; it happened in an instant. The pain of it lasts forever, though.

Watching my dad endure the chemo . . . it’s the worst thing to have to witness. Seeing him hunched over the toilet puking his guts out; watching his hair fall out. I’ve cried, threw tantrums, phased for longer periods of time.

Nessie doesn’t know what to do.

She came as soon as she heard the news and has been helping me with dad. It’s comforting to have her here. I can tell she’s just as terrified as I am, though. She’s never lost someone before, so this pain is a whole new world to her. Her whole family is frozen in time — they’ll never leave her. My dad was like a grandpa to her; the older figure who’s wise, and who let her sit on his lap while he told her stories when she was a young kid.

The realization that it might disappear is settling in now and she doesn’t know how to handle it. It’s hard for her to grasp the fact that he won’t live forever. Quite frankly, it’s hard for me to grasp, too. I never fathomed the thought of losing my father. I thought my mother was too much for me to ever deal with. I don’t think I have enough strength in me to control the emotions of losing him too.

Carlisle has been doing everything he can. He explained to me the overall chances of survival in pancreatic cancer. It doesn’t look good at all.

Since he’s no longer a candidate for surgery, they have to rely on the chemo to pull him through. They don’t want to do radiation because that along with the amount of chemo they’re giving him could be potentially harmful. So if the chemo doesn’t work, they’re going to try radiation. Carlisle still wants to try surgery, but my dad said no. I know he’s tired of being sick, of feeling weak. He’s such a prideful man, and I think it embarrasses him to be sick like this in front of me. I feel bad about it, but I’m not going to leave him just because of that. I have to be here to take care of him. 

Dad was with me through everything. When mom died. When Bella broke my heart. When I started phasing. When I imprinted. He’s been the only constant — the one person that was always there no matter what. So I have to be there for him. At the same time, though, I’ve never felt more helpless. I might be acting strong for him, but in all truth, I am falling apart. Day by day, it gets harder on me.

I hardly sleep anymore. I’ve lost my appetite. I can’t seem to genuinely smile. Is this what Bella felt when Edward left her? At the time, I didn’t understand their bond. I do now though. It’s as strong as imprinting would be. It runs deep. They are made for each other. I can’t imagine going without Ness for that long. Feeling so torn is the worst.  

I miss being happy. 

This morning, Dad decided he wanted to go visit La Push. It was actually really sunny outside, and a bit warm. So I agreed and packed some stuff for the trip before calling up the boys to join us. I didn’t know how warm the water would be, but it didn’t really matter. It’s not like it affects me anyway.

So Nessie put on her cute little green ruffly bikini thing, and I put on some swim trunks and a hat with some sunglasses, then we were out the door. After I stuffed everything in the car, I secured Dad in the back. Ness buckled up in the front. The drive to the beach was actually pretty enjoyable. We played the oldies station and Dad sang along with Ness clapping to the beat as I tapped fingers against the steering wheel.

The guys were already there when we pulled up. They were throwing the football around, and Seth was skim boarding. I took all of the stuff down to the sand, stopping short of the pebbles lining the shoreline. As soon as I placed everything down, I set up a chair and stuck the umbrella in the sand for Dad. Ness was carrying the towels down and I walked back up to the car to get Dad. I carried him bridal-style down to the chair I set up, and sat him down carefully.

“Jesus Christ, Jake. I’m not a china doll,” he muttered, but I just rolled my eyes. He’s precious cargo now.

I laid out a couple of towels and took my tank top off. The sun was beaming down on my back and I enjoyed the warmth. Today was one of the rare days that La Push beach actually felt like a beach. Dad slipped on his aviators, and I looked to the water.

The waves didn’t look too rough so I took off my hat, ready to go in.
I looked over to see Nessie taking off her cotton shorts and my eyes raked over her body. This reminded me of how much I missed admiring it. I licked my lips and that was met with a smug look from her, then a wink, before she ran into the water. I gazed after her and then sprinted in behind her, grabbing her waist and twirling her around. She squealed and wriggled out of my arms then waded deeper in, luring me out farther.

“You’re like one of those mermaids who tricks men into going deep into the water, and then drowns them,” I told her. She giggled.

“You mean Sirens?”she implored.

“Yeah, those,” I agreed. She rolled her eyes and I growled.

“I won’t let you drown me though!”

Her eyes widened, and I grabbed her around her waist again then dove under the crisp water. I shot through the water with the power of a missile. After a few seconds, I pushed off the bottom with my feet and we shot up. 

She was laughing as she wrapped her legs around my hips and her arms around my neck.
“I love you, Jake,” she said, kissing my nose. I caught her mouth and pulled her under. Chicks dig that underwater kissing, right?

We swam together for a while and then I noticed my dad watching me. He was smiling, and he looked really happy. This made me realize something: my dad wants me to be happy. Just like any parent, he’s happy when his kid is happy. This might be a tough time for me — but I need to enjoy the moment. I need to make the very best of the time we have together. For him.

After spending the day at the beach, we went back home and I helped Dad shower while Ness went to sleep. Me and him talked like the old days. I didn’t act sad, or angry. I acted like I did before I found out. He noticed it, too. I know it made him happy. That epiphany I had at the beach today showed me. That’s my job from now on – to make sure Dad enjoys the rest of his time here, and to make sure he knows I am too.

-Jacob

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Love you guys SO MUCH! You have no idea how much I truly appreciate your patience. Writing can be hard, but for me it’s finding the time and patience for it. I’m a go-go-go person, and I have a lot going on, so it’s hard for me to concentrate. I love writing for Jacob’s Diary though. You guys are what makes me love it, and I hope you know how much I truly appreciate you fans. Talk to me on Facebook! MUAH! XOXO 

 

April

6th

(Jacob’s Diary) Wave After Wave

Dear Diary,

When I woke up this morning it all came crashing down on me. The news I heard last night.

All the mixed emotions: anger, sadness, helplessness.

For a few minutes, everything felt surreal. Almost like it wasn’t happening. I had a moment of peace, living in a dreamland, still half asleep.

Then, I felt my feet dangling off my bed. I saw my old ceiling and I smelled my old quilt.

I was at home because my dad was dying of cancer.

It was one of those unfathomable thoughts that had never crossed before me. I felt like I’d been punched in the gut once reality had set in.

Have you ever had one of those times where you feel like you can hardly breathe? Like there’s some barrier, and no matter how deep of a breath you take, you still feel hollow and breathless?

I just can’t believe it.

Losing my mom was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. I can’t imagine losing Dad, too. He was the one who got me through my mom’s death, and now I’m losing him.

Carlisle explained to me last night that there is still a chance he’ll live. A very small chance. From what I researched on Google last night, he’d need a miracle at this rate.

I finally pulled myself out of bed, unwillingly. My body ached. I felt fatigued from being so tense, so stressed. I can’t even remember when I finally fell asleep, but even then I tossed and turned all night long, occasionally waking myself up.

I heard someone crack an egg in a bowl as I was putting my shirt on.

“Good morning, Jake!” Sue smiled, pouring some milk in the bowl of eggs as I walked in the kitchen. I nodded at her, I couldn’t muster up more than a half smile to give her. Dad was sitting in his wheelchair at the table, watching me tentatively.

I sat down beside him. “Morning,” I groaned, staring at my empty plate. I felt his hand on my back.

“Son-”

Before he could finish, I looked up at him. I had tears in my eyes, and I saw him frown. I didn’t mean to cry. It just kept hitting me, wave after wave. I wouldn’t think about it for a second, then it would all come back to me like a flood of sadness, of pain.

“It’s really happening, huh?” I said, searching his face for an answer. He pursed his lips, and didn’t say anything. I wiped my face, and sat my head in my hands.

Sue was putting bread in the toaster and humming to herself, trying to act like she didn’t overhear us.

My nose felt clogged up and my head throbbed. I used my paper towel to blow my nose and I made sure to avoid Dad’s eyes for the rest of breakfast.

~.~

I had a voice mail from Renesmee when I pulled my phone off its charger. She was on her way out here. That thought comforted me. Being with her makes everything seem a little better. Maybe she’ll help with the waves of crying. At the same time, I hope I don’t cry in front of her.

I sent her a quick text, telling her to have a safe flight and that I’d see her soon. She must’ve heard from Carlisle, because I hadn’t told her anything yet.

She replied, telling me she would be here by noon. Carlisle was with her and so was Bella. I put my phone on my dresser and got some fresh clothes out so I could shower.

Dad was at the hospital now; he has almost daily appointments to see how the cancer is progressing, and to change or refill his prescriptions.

When I was in the shower, I used my old body wash and the “2 in 1 Suave for Men” I used every day since I was ten. I hadn’t used it since I moved in with Renesmee. Everything in my old shower made me feel nostalgic. Taking a damn trip down memory lane.

I wrapped my old striped towel around my waist and used my old disposable Gillette razor to shave my wooly face. I got dressed, brushed my teeth, and even gelled my hair.

Then I cried some more.

Like I said, wave after wave.

Once I had pulled myself together, I went and sat in the rocking chair on the porch, facing the woods. I took a deep breath of air, smelling the dying leaves and muddy forest scents. I sensed a raccoon and several squirrels, all going along with their business. I rocked back a forth, the chair creaking, groaning, every time I rocked forward. I closed my swollen eyes and listened to the creek in the distance. Then I remembered where I was.

I got up slowly, looked around, then stripped naked.

Heat shivered up and down every vertebrae of my spine. My arms felt a burst of flames, and I leaped off the porch.

It’s been months since I’ve phased. I huffed. I had forgotten how soothing it felt. I leaped through the woods and started hearing Seth. Before I moved to England, I made sure we were still a pack so I could talk to them when I phased.

Seth must have alerted everyone because they all phased, too. Within ten minutes they were standing with me in the middle of the Rez’s woods.

We took off and I ran faster than I ever had before.

- Jacob

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February

25th

Jacob’s Diary (The News)

Dear Diary,

 

Boy, what a flight that was. I’d forgotten how boring flights could be. As soon as the plane touched down I hurried off, jogging through the terminal.

After I picked up my luggage, I left quicker than I thought was ever possible in an airport. When I bought my ticket for the flight, I arranged with the rental car service to just park my car and call me with which parking deck and space it would be at.

The plane landed around seven at night, so the SeaTac wasn’t too crowded. Businessmen bustled around me, but it could have been a lot worse.

I wrote down the space that my car would be parked in and found it easily on the second parking deck. I rented a plain white Nissan to use for my visit here.

If I pushed it, I should make it to La Push by ten.

I revved the engine, testing its power.

Not too impressive, but it’d do.

Backing out of the space, I called Nessie on the phone inside the car. I typed in her number on the touch pad then listened to the rings purr as I pulled onto the highway.

“Hey,” I breathed when she answered. I could almost see her smiling.

“Jake! How was your flight?” she asked excitedly.

I sped up and passed a slow-moving car. “Oh you know, a flight,” I vaguely explained. She laughed and it brought a smile to my face. Nessie has the most beautiful laugh.

“Well are you excited to be going home?” she asked.

“Yeah. It feels good. It smells great. Not as cold or stale as England,” I said, laughing. I always made jokes about how England smells — salt and stale bread mixed with rain.

I ended up talking to Ness for almost an hour, which really helped the drive there seem less treacherous. When I saw the Welcome to La Push Reservation sign, I turned right and went down the familiar road. My speedometer crept up as I got closer and closer, and finally I turned off to our mile-long driveway. It was drizzling just slightly and I knew mud was splattering all over the white rental car. I decided I’d take it through the car wash before returning it.

I hopped out of the car and saw there were still some lights on in the house. I ran up the steps and burst through the door and there sat my dad at the kitchen table.

“Dad!” I stumbled towards him, gripping his frail frame tightly. Realizing how much his bones protruded, I pulled back slowly.

~.~

“I really wish you would’ve told me you were coming,” Dad said.

I mirrored his frown. “Well I thought I would surprise you . . . and you wouldn’t tell me what’s wrong, either. Care to explain?” The air thickened once I said that. Dad looked down at his lap, and I stared at him harshly.

“Jacob, I don’t-”

“Dad. Tell me,” I pressed, my eyes shooting daggers at him. He finally raised his eyes to look at me.

“I have cancer.”

~.~

Sam came into the house and his eyes found me. I had my face in my hands, my eyes tired and sore from crying. I couldn’t bring myself to be mad at my dad for not telling me. I wanted to be — but how could I?

I held my breath, otherwise I’d start up crying again. I hate crying. So damn much. I just couldn’t seem to help it.

“Jake,” Sam called as he came to sit beside me. “How are you?”

I looked up at him, my teeth clenched, and tried to smile. It came out more like a sneer. He looked at the ground and patted me on the back.

“It’ll be okay, man. I promise.”

Turns out, Dad has pancreatic cancer. They’ve only known for a month, and he was going to keep it from me for as long as possible. Which really pissed me off, but I let it go for now. When they first found it, he was a candidate for surgery, and with chemo, he’d be fine. Two days ago, they found spots on his lungs and stomach, which eliminates any possibility for surgery. The specialist claimed that with chemo, he’d have eight months.

With chemo.

My dad is not the type of man to undergo chemo. He already told me he was just going to go without it. When he told me that, I called Carlisle. My heart sped up with each ring of the phone.

“Please tell me you can help,” I begged breathlessly when Carlisle picked up.

“Jacob? What’s wrong?” he asked immediately.

“What do you know about pancreatic cancer?” I rushed out.

I heard Carlisle sigh on the other line.“Oh no,” was the answer I got. More tears tumbled out and I angrily swiped them off of my face.

“How far along has it gotten?” he asked me.

“He has eight months with chemo, but he’s not going to go with the chemo,” I answered. Along with receiving the news, my voice has taken on a monotone sound. I felt so empty, hollow.

I’m losing both of my parents, I thought. How could this happen?

“Jacob, I don’t think it’ll be long . . . ” Carlisle sighed again.

I groaned as words escaped me. This just can’t be happening.

“I’ll be there soon, Jacob. Don’t worry. I’ll do everything I can. Just relax.” His voice came out smooth and I could tell he wanted to keep me as calm as possible. Hell, I wanted to calm down too. I hated feeling shaky and out of control. At least Dad went to bed. I really didn’t ever want him to see me this way. It’s already hard enough to know you’re dying, without seeing your kid freak out, break down.

~.~

After I hung up with Carlisle, I checked on Dad. Once I saw he was okay, I went to my car to get my bags then settled in on my old bed. My feet still hang off about a foot and a half, and I can hardly spread out, but I didn’t let it bother me.

I’m home.

 

- Jacob

 

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December

31st

Jacob’s Diary (Something’s Off)

Dear Diary,

 

It’s been a month since the attack of Luca and his pack and, surprisingly, I’ve healed up completely. No scars, or any signs that I was ripped to shreds weeks ago.

The first two weeks were awful — I was required to stay in the makeshift hospital room. I could only take so many Primetime sitcoms and reruns of  ‘The Price is Right,’ before I was driven mad. Nessie finally came around from her traumatized state; seeing her so jumpy and panicked killed me inside.

She sat with me every day, which helped the fact that I couldn’t move. All of the Cullens were trying to ease my healing time, in which I graciously accepted. Esme cooked up my favorite dishes at the sound of my stomach growling. Carlisle doped me up on pain meds, and they even hooked up my webcam so I could see my dad.

Dad seemed kind of different these past couple of times I’ve talked to him. He had this weary look in his eyes; a low tone of voice. At first I thought it was because of my injuries, but he knew I’d be okay, so it wasn’t that.

I asked him what was wrong repeatedly — but he didn’t tell me. He denied anything was wrong at all. I know my dad though, and I really want to get to the bottom of whatever is bothering him.

Ness doesn’t get it either. My dad’s normally quite the jubilant old man, but lately he’s just…off. I asked him to fly out, but he said that now wasn’t a good time – which worried me even more. I knew he didn’t like flying, but I thought after my whole near-death catastrophe he’d want to come and visit for a few days.

“Maybe he’s just not feeling good, Jake. Don’t worry yourself too much,” Nessie consoled. I had been pacing around the house without realizing it, and it was probably getting on her nerves by now.

“I know, but the only time he’s ever like this is the month my mom died. So that’s obviously not what’s bothering him.” Nessie already knew this, but I was explaining it to justify my worry anyway. I know that I was probably over-thinking it, but regardless, I was worried about my dad.

These past few years we’ve gotten closer than ever. Before Mom died, we weren’t close. We would talk every now and then, but my mom was the parent I was close to. After she died, it got worse, to the point where not a word was spoken on a normal basis. Yeah, I had to help him out a lot because of his disability. But wheeling him around didn’t make us best friends.

Me being a teenager at the time, I think I had an underlying sense of resentment — he was always in the back of my mind, always worrying me, and being a part of every decision I made – because I had to do it for the best of him. Which now, I entirely understand, and I’m glad that all those years I made decisions in spite of him. At the time, I just didn’t realize it.

After I phased for the first time, things changed for the better. We now had a common ground to work off of, a thing to talk about and bond over. From then on out, we only became closer. He helped me through the hardest things I think I’ve ever faced. Leaving Bella, fighting for Bella, watching Bella get married. Even when I imprinted on something against my nature. He was there for me through all of it.

“I think I’m going to fly out there, honey,” I told Ness after taking a while to consider things. She had settled on the couch in the office, and I was still pacing. “You can come if you like, but I’m only going to stay a couple of days, though. Just to make sure nothing’s wrong, and hang out with him for a little while.”

“You know, that sounds like a good idea. Maybe you can go and spend some time with him. I’ll stay here, maybe take a shopping trip with Alice. You need one-on-one time with Billy.” She pulled her phone out as she was telling me this, and sent a text to Alice. It buzzed seconds later and Ness smiled.

“Italy, here I come,” she muttered under her breath, and I rolled my eyes. Silly girls and their shopping. I walked over to the desktop perched on the office’s desk and pulled up some airline tickets.

Renesmee was on the phone with Bella by the time I had found a flight, but she slipped me our American Express card before leaving the room.

Once I’d finally figured out how to order the ticket, I printed it out then made my way to my bedroom.

I bought tickets for a flight at eight in the morning, and I also got myself a rental car.

I decided I wasn’t going to tell Dad I was coming — I wanted it to be a surprise. I pulled out some pants and long sleeved t shirts. A couple thermals and some hiking boots. It was in the middle of winter, so I was bound to get a little chilly up there, werewolf or not.

While I was packing, I got a little ball in my throat. I felt giddy; I hadn’t seen my dad since the big move, and I’d really missed him.

Renesmee was still talking to Bella by the time I had finished packing, so I wandered into the kitchen to wait on her.

“Yeah, Mom. I heard that this season is big on fur and Versace has their headquarters there – which will be perfect. They had some really cute pieces on the runway last time, so I’m sure they’ll have several things.”

I heard Bella agreeing on the other line, as Nessie walked in and stood beside me. “Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow. Love you too.” Ness hung up, and looked at me.

“Well Mom’s really trying hard to get into fashion, so she’s gonna go with me and Alice to Italy.”

“Bells? Clothes? Fashionable clothes?” I asked. Ness giggled.

“I did say that she was trying, as in making an effort. I don’t think she’ll last very long though,” Ness told me.

I rose my eyebrows. “I bet twenty bucks that she won’t last until the second day.”

Ness considered, then shook my hand. “Deal.”

~.~

When I woke up this morning, I felt like a zombie.

Ness and I weren’t going to see each other for a few days, and we needed some quality time. Which resulted in me getting a total of two hours of sleep before my alarm went off.

I pulled on some track pants and a hoodie, then stuffed my phone in the pocket. I rubbed my eyes to clear them. Thankfully the flight would be long, so I could get some sleep.

I deliberated shaving, but decided against it. I was running late, and I really just didn’t like it. After brushing my teeth, I kissed my sleeping beauty on the forehead and scribbled her a little goodbye note. Grabbing my bags, I went downstairs and snatched a poptart and a can of Pepsi before jogging out the door.

It was already seven thirty, so I had to drive at a very illegal speed to get there on time. I pulled out my passport as I walked through the entrance of the airport and checked the time.

7:54.

“Man, I’m good,” I muttered, reading the signs to find my flight. I pushed through the people and made it just in time to go through security. Surprisingly I was seated on the plane within the next twenty minutes, and it took off shortly after.

As for now, I’m about half way to Seattle. I’ve been texting Ness the past few hours. Flying all the way from the UK takes quite a while, but it’s given me time to think. So until I get there, I still have several hours to sleep. I’ll write again once my visit with Dad is over.

 

- Jake

 

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October

8th

(Jacob’s Diary) Panic Room

Luca swiftly walked into the woods, leaving the clan behind. He would come back soon — but first, a plan had to be compiled. This one-of-a-kind creature would be too delectable, and his pack was just as hungry for the being as Luca was.

They knew the threat of trying to capture her. They knew the clan of vampires would be highly strong, and the risks of trying to take them on. Being as they were, they didn’t care.

~.~

Dear Diary,

My eyes have ached from the lack of sleep I’ve gotten lately.
We’ve bought multiple things to prepare the pack of werewolves and we’ve even been practicing at the shooting range. The Cullens have ordered Wolfsbane and silver bullets and shit, but regardless of how prepared we were, it didn’t relieve any of my stress.

All I was thinking about was what would happen if I did die? What if I die, and the others can’t protect her? Carlisle kept urging for me and Ness to go to Isle Esme, while they stay and “hold up fort.” These wolves can follow a scent though. They want Ness, not the Cullens. I’m sure as hell not making the same mistake Edward and I made with Bella when Victoria was after her. She knew that Bella wouldn’t be at the battlefield. I’m sure these guys aren’t stupid enough to think we’d have her at the battlefield. So I’m going to fight with them, and Bella is going to stay with Ness in the basement.

The Cullens’ basement had an old panic room and Carlisle ordered some fancy equipment to make it impossible to get in, or something. It’s got some big ass titanium door and the control panel is on the inside, powered by a generator so the wolves can’t cut the power and mess it up. They went in the panic room that morning, because we didn’t know if the pack would try to come as humans, or wait until that night.

The night before, Ness was rubbing my shoulders, complaining about how tense I was.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m just a little bit stressed,” I said, rubbing my eyes and temples.

She scratched my back. “It’ll be fine, Jake. We’re good at beating the bad guys, and you know it.”

I turned my head around to face her and a sign escaped me. She was upset too, and I could see it.

“I can’t let anything happen to you,” I said stroking her cheek.

She kissed my nose. “Do you think I feel good about you being out there while I’m in a padded room with my mom, not knowing if you’re alright or not?” She asked, and I looked down. “I can’t lose you either, Jake,” she continued.  “It’s a two way street here.” Ness put a finger under my chin and pulled my head up to face her. She moved around and sat on my lap, gripping my face in her hands.
“I love you so much, Jacob.”

Tears prickled at my eyes, and she kissed me softly. I wasn’t even ashamed for crying. She pulled back and two big tears rolled down her cheeks, causing my eyes to completely well up now.

I hugged her to me, gripping her as tight as I could without breaking her. She sobbed into my shoulder, and I cried into her hair. We spent the night crying and hugging each other, trying to not think about the next day.

~.~

That morning, Nessie pulled on a pair of sweats and tied her hair up, while I put on a pair of black jeans and a black long-sleeved shirt. Black seemed like a good fighting color.

Ness ate a bowl of cereal silently and grabbed about ten books, and her laptop.
When she finished, she stood against a wall awkwardly, staring off into space, her eyes red and swollen. I watched her from the kitchen, my heart hurting enough to make me feel sick. After a few seconds, I couldn’t stand it anymore, and I went over to her, pulling her to me. Her body collapsed against me and I gripped her tightly.

“It’ll be alright, honey. I promise,” I assured her, kissing the top of her head. Her body started shaking and she was crying into my chest. I felt her tears wetting my shirt — her breathing turned fast and erratic. My eyes got glassy and I stroked her hair.

“Don’t cry, baby. Please.”

She sniffled loudly, and hugged me in a vice grip. “Just come to the basement with me and mom, p-p-please?” She begged. Her eyes were red and wet as she looked up at me.

I looked down at her, and felt my heart break. “I can’t just leave our family to fend for themselves. They can’t do it without me, Ness. You know that,” I told her. I ached to stay with her, but my better judgment was telling me to stand by our family.

She’d be safe.

Her lip trembled, and I stroked my thumbs under her eyes. “I have to stand by our family. You’ll be fine,” I said, and she shook her head.

“B-but, you won’t! I’m not okay unless you are!” She shouted and more tears poured out of her eyes.

I pursed my lips, aching to just give in to her. “I’ll be fine, I promise.”

I kissed her eyes, her cheeks, her nose and her lips before hugging her to me tightly. “I love you,” I said, and she nodded, sniffling.

“I love you too, Jake,” she cried.

When we walked outside, Bella was there waiting. She hugged me tightly when we approached her. “Please stay safe,” she whispered in my ear. I nodded tersely and ignored her sickly sweet scent, and cold, granite skin.

“I love you, Jake,” Bella told me, kissing my cheek.

“I love you too,” I said.

“Ready to go, honey?” Bella asked Ness cheerfully. Ness glared daggers at her.
“Never mind, then,” Bella said, pulling Ness with her.

I followed behind them and watched as Bella threaded her fingers through Nessie’s, rubbing reassuring circles on her hand with her thumb, while I stuck my hands in my pockets, trying to ignore the pain in my chest.

All of the Cullens were in the living room when we entered the main house. I swallowed the lump in my throat then greeted everyone. They were all hugging Ness, and reassuring her that everything would be okay.

Edward was giving me a confused look the entire time. So when Alice starting talking to Nessie about something, Edward pulled me into the kitchen.

“Why don’t you stay with her down in the basement?” he questioned me.

“She’ll be safe in there, and Edward, do you really expect me to leave my family out there?”

Edward’s eyebrows knitted together and he put a firm hand on my shoulder. “That’s really an honest decision, Jacob. We would understand if you wanted to stay in there with Renesmee, but that takes a real brave man to make that decision. I want you to know that we all appreciate it, and love you greatly. You are part of this family — and we’re glad that we’re part of yours.”

Once again, my eyes welled up.

I leaned in and hugged Edward. He seemed shocked for a minute, stiff, but hugged me back. I pulled away and in an attempt to gain my masculinity back, I sniffed back my mucus loudly and spit in the sink after, making Edward chuckle. I rolled my eyes and made my way back into the living room with him.

~.~

Ten minutes later, everyone was walking down to the basement.
Carlisle opened the door and Bella kissed Edward softly before climbing in. I knew she couldn’t stand the fact that she wasn’t out there with him, but she wasn’t going to worry Renesmee.

I turned around and picked Nessie up. She wrapped her legs around my waist then squeezed my neck, kissing me all over my face. I caught her lips and kissed her a little bit too long for it to be considered chaste, but whatever.

After one last hug, I guided her into the room. It wasn’t half bad. It had padded floor and it wasn’t small. Esme had put some blankets and pillows in there, along with food and blood. Nessie grimaced though, and sat her stuff down. I blew her a kiss and Bella went to the control panel and closed the doors. I heard the locks click then other sounds I couldn’t place.

Then all was silent.

The rest of us stood still, looking at each other. Time to wait.

~.~

I was laying on the couch at about ten p.m. and there hadn’t been a sign of them. Emmett and Jasper walked in the room right as my eyelids started drooping.

“I caught Luca’s scent,” Jasper said, looking at me, and then at Carlisle.

I jumped up, grabbed my gun and rushed outside. I heard the others inside loading their guns.

I also had a knife laced with Wolfsbane in a strap against my ankle. If needed, I could stab one directly in the heart, causing it to die instantly.

Emmett and Jasper stood at my sides, each armed with two semis loaded with pure silver bullets. I had one already, and I had another round in my pocket.

Thank god I’d played Call of Duty so much.

We all were waiting to see if we could hear anything. Alice and rose walked out with their guns and stood behind Emmett and Jasper. I had my gun held up, ready to aim. Esme was perched at a window with a sniper.

Vampires with guns. Is it possible for something to be ludicrous and serious at the same time?

I tensed up after I heard a twig snap.

It was dark, but I could still see a pretty good bit, so I swept the yard with my eyes. I saw a flash of gray. The others saw it too and all aimed their guns in that direction. I saw a one charging me. It was running on four legs, but its back was highly arched. I aimed, and shot four shots straight at the head. It stalled and stood up on its hind legs, which looked natural for the way it was built. Emmett hit it right in the heart. It yelped, and fell backwards.

I reloaded my gun. One down, fourteen left to go, according to Edward.

“That wasn’t Luca, that was the runt of their pack. They were testing us. They have a plan, but they won’t think about it, so we have to stay focused,” Edward said, walking out with a revolver. He’s so old fashioned.
I took a deep breath, and waited again.

~.~

Within the next ten minutes, we had killed four more. Then, ten came flashing around in a disarray. Even with our senses, we were missing them, because we needed to shoot them in the heart in order to kill them.

Everyone was firing wildly, including me, until I felt a sharp pain in my shoulder. One of them was trying to pull off my shoulder. I whipped my arm around and punched it in the face. It released its grip from my shoulder then scratched my back before gnawing at my ankle.

I was screaming, I’m sure, but I wasn’t thinking at the moment. It ripped the skin off my leg and everyone was trying to fight him off of me and keep the others away from the house at the same time. I forced myself to reach at my other ankle and I pulled my knife out. I pushed him off and stabbed it in the heart.

I stabbed him all over, the pain in my leg fueling my rage.

I started shaking, and heat ran through me. I couldn’t phase though! There’d be no way for me to aim a gun with paws.

“Dammit!” I shouted, clamping my teeth together. All I saw was blood and my shoulder was throbbing. Esme had shot three other wolves. There were six others all still fighting and I was shaking and throbbing all over.

I saw something over near the house, so I tailed it, ignoring the pain in my leg and shoulder. My eyes adjusted and I saw that it was the biggest werewolf out all of them.

It must be Luca.

He ignored me and busted through one of the windows. I jumped through after him, sprinting.

He was heading for the basement.

I gripped my gun, waiting for Luca to turn around, but he wouldn’t. He ran downstairs and I stumbled down the stairs after him. He was pacing back-and-forth beside the door when I finally limped down the stairs.

“Hey, jackass. No way you’re getting in there,” I spat, aiming my gun. He snarled at me then ran towards me. I shot him straight in the heart before he got to me, but he started biting my wounded leg before he died.

I tumbled in pain, groaning. I was laying beside Luca, gripping my gun tightly. The pain in my leg was unbearable. I couldn’t see anything but blood — my muscle and bone – without a trace of skin. I shot him in anger two more times before I blacked out.

~.~

When I woke up, Nessie was stroking my hair. I was in one of the spare rooms at the Cullens’ main house. It was converted into a mini-hospital almost. I was hooked up to an IV and a heart monitor. It smelled all sterile and weird.

“You’re awake!” Ness exclaimed when she noticed me looking up at her. I blinked, and swallowed, my mouth dry. There was a glass of water on the table beside me, but my arm was bandaged enough to keep it still, so I couldn’t reach for it.

“Oh! Do you want some water?” She put the cup to my lips and gave me some water without me answering. I gulped it down, trying to ignore the tremendous pain in my shoulder from just swallowing.

“How long have I been out?” I asked, groaning a little.

Nessie stroked my hair. “About fifteen hours. Carlisle had to do surgery on you because your shoulder was partially crushed and muscles and tendons were torn. Your leg was pretty bad too, but you’re healing, and you’ll get better,” she said, her voice cracking.

“I’m sorry,” I said feebly.

Ness looked up. Her eyes were still swollen and red — her face pale and dark circles were under her eyes. “God, Jake…” – She lost her voice for a minute– “… I was so scared.”

“You didn’t see me like that, did you?” I asked, and she looked away.

“I knew you were hurt before I heard you screaming outside of the door…it’s like I could feel it too. When I heard the shots, and your screaming, I lost it. I made mom open the door and the others were already there moving you upstairs.” Tears poured down her beautiful face.

I closed my eyes. “I can’t believe I let him get that close to you,” I said, disappointed.

Ness shook her head. “No, no, no. He wouldn’t have been able to get through the door. I don’t think he realized how much Carlisle did to secure the room. The others had all been killed, and you killed Luca amazingly, even with half your muscles torn apart. I’m pretty sure he meant for the others to die. He was trying to distract them so he could slide in here. I guess he didn’t expect you to notice,” she explained.

I nodded. “Just like Victoria. Trying to distract us,” I said, and she looked down.

“Well, I’m really thankful you’re okay. You just can’t move for a couple of days. You’ll have to give your muscles time to heal. You should be healed up before too long.”

Ness smiled down at me.

I groaned. I hate being bed ridden. I can still move my right arm though, so I could document this oh-so-fun experience.

Thank God for television.

- Jacob

 

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July

28th

(Jacob’s Diary) Caught
Dear Diary,

I had been patrolling a lot lately – ever since our bed sheets were stolen, and I had caught the scent several times. I notified the pack about it using my thoughts, sending them my memory of the scent to them. They had never smelled anything like it either.
It was the other night, though, when we finally encountered it.

Ness and I had just finished eating and Ness was going to go and hunt real quick before bed – with Bella and Edward of course; for safety reasons. Ness was complaining that the deer here didn’t taste the same; apparently American deer had a certain tang to them. Yuck.

Emmett was watching the house that night and it was almost ten when I heard some rustling outside.

It was too early…their little night-watch started at a quarter till eleven. I sent Emmett a quick text, asking if he was just coming early or something. My body was tensed up, ready to strike.

My heart started racing when his reply was negative.

Shit.

I speed-dialed Edward, tapping my foot anxiously until he picked up. “Something’s out there,” I hissed, and I heard Edward notify the others.

“We’ll be there in a second, Jake. Make sure it’s me before you open up,” he demanded, ending the call.

Normally I wouldn’t be this worried. It’s just I don’t know who the target is here, and I want Nessie to stay safe, so this is pretty scary to me.

I went over to where Ness was standing and enveloped her my arms, kissing her hair. She was still holding the bag of chips she was in the process of eating and I heard crunching. Her jaw moved against my chest.

I felt her grab another, and carry it to her mouth sneakily, and I laughed. Once I pulled away, she stuffed several chips in her mouth at one time.

“Okay, okay. I see. Food is more important,” I joked as I feigned a hurt expression. She just rolled her eyes, her cheeks blushing in embarrassment. That didn’t stop her from grabbing another chip, though.

I heard some more noise outside and I planted my feet firmly on the ground, my muscles flexing and rippling from the strain I was putting on them.

I heard a knock on the front door a few seconds later. My head snapped up and I cautiously walked towards the door. As I slowly approached it, I listened closely.

I heard steady breathing.

Once I saw Edward through the peep-hole, I swung the door open.

“We caught it,” Edward hissed, and my eyes widened in surprise. Edward was already walking away, so I scrambled after him.

I followed Edward out of the house and into the back yard with Nessie tailing behind me. All of the Cullens were surrounding a man.

He was tall with scraggly hair. It seemed as though he was missing teeth, and his face was covered in an uneven, closely shaven beard. His clothes were ragged and he smelled absolutely revolting; which was ironic because his persona carried an air of arrogance. He seemed to think he was above all, from his body language.

He stood there calmly and didn’t try running away. I think he knew he couldn’t.

I pushed Ness behind me and hissed at him.

“Who are you?” I asked, a growl rumbling in my chest. I felt heat flashing over me, but I controlled it easily.

The others probably already knew what was going on, but they were too focused on him to explain to me.

“Don’t use that tone with me, Jacob!” The man demanded. I bared my teeth; the growl loudening. “I am Luca,” he continued, looking at me with amusement. I hated when people did that.

“What the hell are you?” I asked tersely, and he chuckled.

“You really don’t know, do you?” he questioned back.

“I asked you first,” I growled. He tsked his tongue at me in a disapproving way.

“Does Children of the Moon sound familiar, Jacob?” he questioned, studying my reaction. I looked straight at Edward and Carlisle. The others didn’t seem surprised, so they definitely already knew.

“Wait – those things Aro mentioned?” I asked Edward, and he nodded slightly. Luca laughed again. He was really itching at my nerves.

“I’ve heard several stories where some friends of mine have encountered those of Luca’s kind here, since they’re mostly populated in Europe. I should’ve considered this when we moved here,” Carlisle said, and I frowned slightly.

The Cullens were making a semi-circle behind him, with me in front of him, keeping him from running – though he seemed too prideful to do that anyhow.

“What are you doing here?” I asked Luca, and the damn thing laughed again.

“I’ve come for your mate,” he said, staring at Ness now, who was slightly visible from behind me. I felt her shrink back.

“Her scent is absolutely delectable and we real werewolves love a fresh flavor of flesh,” he said, his eyes twinkling. A growl erupted from my body and I started shaking, feeling the heat flash in every part of my body. I swallowed, trying to control my breathing.

“As soon as we came across her scent we were simply entranced. So now, we’ll take her. The easy way, or the hard way. It’s up to you,” he explained calmly with an eerie smile.

Edward was crouched low, growls escaping him, and the rest of the Cullens were baring their teeth, or crouching with their fists rolled at their sides. I pushed my anger as far down as possible, trying to keep in control, but failing miserably.

“We want her,” he stated, looking through me, as if he could see her.

“Well, what are you waiting for? Tear him to pieces!” I exclaimed, my voice cracking.

Real scary, Jake.

Carlisle looked at me, worry in his eyes. He obviously was considering what the best thing to do here was. I was in control, but I wasn’t sure how long I would be. Nobody will ever hurt Renesmee.

“The Children of the Moon are pretty much invincible from anything but silver bullets, and Wolfsbane. Tearing him apart won’t harm him, he’ll just put himself back together and heal from anything else we try to do,” Carlisle explained. I shot him a disbelieving look.

“Then get some silver shit, and shoot it!” I spat, my thoughts surrounding Nessie. No way in hell am I going to let some primitive creature eat my wife.

For the love of god!

“We don’t have silver bullets just sitting around. You can only kill them during a full moon, anyway… and unfortunately Luca’s the leader of a pack. It won’t be that easy,” Edward said.

I looked at him like he was an idiot. Luca was listening closely, smiling slightly. Asshole.

“Then let’s get her the hell out of here! Get a bunch of bullets! Do something!” I shouted, waving my hands around. I can’t let anything happen to Nessie. As corny as it sounds, and as many times as I’ve said it, I won’t – can’t live without her. My girl is the only thing that keeps me sane, nowadays.

Nessie was holding my arm now, sending calming, loving thoughts through to me. Alice was freaking out about how she didn’t see this coming. Bella and Rosalie were stressing over Nessie’s safety, along with Esme. The guys were all defensive, and staring holes into Luca. All hell is breaking loose, and the bastard ignored them, as if they weren’t there. His gaze was affixed on me, and my wife.

“We can’t do anything about this until the full moon,” Carlisle said,  a look of concentration on his face.

It won’t be too hard; we have a coven of vamps, we’ll get some silver bullets. It can’t be too hard, right? I know my hope is probably evident through my writing, but hell. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to keep Nessie safe enough, especially if these things come thrashing through, trying to kill her. There’s a lot of us, but there are a lot of them, too.

“See you soon,” Luca said, preparing to leave. They arched into a defensive pose, but Carlisle stopped them.

Luca walked past, his arrogance radiating off of him.

“Let him go,” he said calmly. “He’ll be back.”
…TO BE CONTINUED

~.~

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