(Jacob’s Diary) The Ring

Dear Diary,

The other day I called my dad.

I haven’t seen him in a long time, but he caught a plane yesterday to come see me for my birthday. That was Ness’s present to me. It’ll be my twenty-third birthday, though I still look eighteen.

When I called him, I  told him everything about my plan to propose to Ness, and how I even got Edward’s permission to do so.

My dad kept telling me how proud he is of me.

So, I finally got up the damn nerve to ask him about my mom’s ring. When my mom died in the car crash, my dad packed up all of her stuff, and put it in the attic because it hurt him too bad to look at it. It hurt me, too. But, I wanted Nessie to have her ring. I wanted her ring to be special.

“Uh, dad?” I asked him.

“What is it, Jacob?” he asked, his voice pensive.

“Well, I wanted to know if maybe I could give, um, Ness, uh, mom’s ring?” I stuttered out, holding my breath for his reply.

“Now, Jacob-” I c

I cut him off, because I knew that tone of voice.“I completely understand if you don’t want to, I was just looking at all my options!” I said quickly.

“Jacob! Let me get a damn sentence out, please. I was going to say, I would be more than honored to let you give her that ring, and I know your mother would be too,” he said, and I sighed in relief.

“Thanks, dad. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow,” I told him. I could tell my dad was smiling.

“You too, son.” We said our goodbyes, and I felt jittery. My dad won’t move from La Push, but I want to spend as much time with him as possible because the werewolf gene didn’t burden him, he’s just like the age he is, and he’s sixty-one. My dad has a strong spirit, but nobody can live forever, except for those damn leeches.

I couldn’t wait for my dad to see Nessie again, too. She’s grown so much since she last saw him, three years ago. She was really excited too.

I’ve been patrolling extra so that I can have three days off to spend with my dad and Ness, and hell, I’ve never been more tired. I had also been working with Alice, because the day after my dad leaves I’m going to have a ‘date’ with Ness, and I’m going to propose to her.

I’ve planned to take her to the lake several miles outside of town. Ness loves the beach, and she really misses La Push, so this is the closest I can get to the beach. It still has waves, so that’s a plus, right?

Anyway, there I’ll have a fancy-shmancy dinner set up, a nice little table with candles and music, along with her favorite foods. Right there on the shore.

I’m going all out, too.

I’m gonna wear a dress shirt and tie, and I told Ness to wear a dress. She and Alice went shopping of course. After dinner, we would have a barefoot walk in the sand, hand in hand, all romantic and shit, and then I will propose.

I’m not a softie, but I’m excited to treat Nessie to all this, making her blush is always fun.

Besides, she deserves it, and I want to show her how much I love her. It’s not like I can touch her and flood all my lovey-dovey thoughts into her head like she can.

So, hopefully I’ll succeed.

Alice set it up so that nobody will be there to disturb us, and she went all freaky and assured me that it wouldn’t be windy enough to knock the table over or anything. She was going to put a small clam just above the shore line, with the ring inside of it. During our walk, I will pick it up, and open it then give it to her. While she’s looking at it, I’ll slide down to one knee, and give her this little speech about how much I want to marry her, etc.

It was going to be perfect, because I’m working hard to make damn sure of it.

With my nervousness, I already had picked my clothes out, almost a week early. Black jeans, white dress shirt, black tie. I ironed my jeans until they were almost completely flat, and my shirt was stiff and starched without a stain on it. And white shirts never stay stainless for long with me.

After I ate dinner, I showered and went to bed. I would’ve went to see Ness, but I texted her and told her I would see her when I went to go get my dad. I needed sleep.

That morning, I woke up around nine, ate some biscuits n’ gravy, and hopped in my car.

My trip to the airport was fast, but pretty dull. I finally got to the right place in the airport, and I waited for my dad to come off.

Sure enough, he was the last person to come out, and a wide grin spread from ear to ear on my face.

“Dad!” I yelled, lunging towards his wheelchair, and grabbing him in a huge hug.

“Hey, son! You’re looking good!” He said, grinning widely and patting me on the back.

We talked for another second or so and then I wheeled him over to grab his luggage. His carry-on was slung over his wheel chair so I grabbed his other suit case before wheeling him out of the fluorescent lighting of the airport.

When we got home, everyone welcomed and greeted him and it was all happy and perfect. Ness was thrilled to see Billy, and vise-versa. We all spent the rest of the day together, catching up. Doing family stuff. We’re finally a family.

Billy was staying in my spare bedroom, and we left around ten to go home. We spent some one on one time, and then we both went to bed, me worn out from lack of sleep and dad had dealing with a case of bad jetlag. We just ate breakfast, and were going to head down to the Cullens’ in a minute. I spent a lot of time with Ness, which only made me more anxious.

I can’t wait for her to be mine.

I love putting my arms around her, making her smile, making her blush and maybe one day, I’d like to have a child with her. I mean, she does get her period once a month, but Carlisle’s afraid that once she is full grown that her eggs will freeze just like everything else, making her immortal.

I don’t know much about that doctor stuff, but I would love to be a father.

I want to have a perfect little family with Ness.

I want to wake up to her, with her cute little bedhead, and morning breath.

I want to be able to spend every free second I have with her.

I remember when I was ‘in love’ with Bells and I never thought I could ever settle for anything less than her, but in my own world, I’m settling for more. I’m settling for the most perfect, beautiful thing that I can possibly settle for.

Renesmee Carlie Cullen is my imprint. My soulmate.

And I cannot wait to marry her.

I’ll talk to you later, I gotta go see Ness.

- Jacob

Howdy, Darlings! Another filler chapter, not my best. Another long wait too, but I’m workin’ on it!

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(Jacob’s Diary) Pure Bliss

Dear Diary,

After getting Edward’s permission to propose, the change in my attitude was unbelievable. I felt lighter, and obviously relieved. I guess I didn’t realize how much it was stressing me out until it wasn’t a problem anymore.

Then again, there was always the fear that Ness will say no. I mean, she wants me, and our imprint makes the love between us strong, but there’s a tiny chance that for some reason she wouldn’t say yes.

Just thinking about it hurts.

Yesterday was Leah’s wedding which had me all pent up again, thinking about Ness’s decision and everything. All this wedding stuff isn’t good for my blood pressure and stress level.

I had to set my alarm for eight because I had to go to the Cullens’, get ready, and then help make sure everything looked perfect. Alice has rubbed off on Leah a lot…Leah now loves shopping, and sparkles, and now she’s a bit OCD. So now if something went wrong there would be two women freaking out all over the place – which wouldn’t be good, therefore, every damn person at the wedding has to pitch in before the ceremony, even though they’ve spent two weeks setting it up. I cannot understand chicks.

Anyways, I took my daily shower, and pulled on my tux in a hurry. I wanted to get there for some breakfast. I had enough time to finish afterwards. I shoved my feet in my fancy-pants leather shoes, and ducked under my door. The sky was clear, and had a few puffy clouds dotting the sky. Alice foresaw the weather of course, and that’s how they set the date.

The wedding is going to be beautiful, I know it will. I saw it yesterday, when they were still setting up. There was a small layer of snow dusting the ground; the sun had melted all of it off the trees. The flowers they chose would make it look almost unrealistically pretty.

Of course it won’t be the scenery I’ll be watching.

I swiftly walked the short distance up the road to the Cullens’ place, and softly opened the door.

Esme greeted me, and ushered me into the kitchen to make a plate. The rest of the pack were there, shoving their faces full of hash browns, and eggs. I piled my plate with the same, and got a glass of milk to drink. I ate fast, so that I could go help, and then get ready.

I was eager to see Ness, even though I saw her last night. The more I see her, the harder it is to not see her. And since I can’t see her until the wedding when she’s ready, I have to wait.

I slung my white jacket over a knob on the coat rack, and walked outside to the pond. Leah decided she wanted to go simple, though it only looked simple. The cost sure wasn’t simple, which is why it’s a good thing that her and Alice became good friends, because there is no way Leah would’ve afforded this otherwise.

There was a wrought iron arch at the place where the vows would be taken, with small white and turquoise flowers dotting the vines that intricately wrapped around it. There was a white aisle, and wrought iron chairs. The tips of grass, and a few wild flowers dotted the snow, and the sun gleamed against the glass pond, making a romantic and tranquil feel. There was a temporary bridge built across the pond that led to the reception area where there was a big white tent with sheer turquoise drapes framing it. The inside was extravagant, with ice sculptures, and a dance floor, and their huge and pricey wedding cake. It was stunning.

“Well, what do ya need help with?” I asked Louis, who was straightening the chairs for the guests in a flash.

“Um, you can go on and get ready. Honestly, I think Leah was overwhelmed thinking she would need help after all this planning,” he said smiling softly. I chuckled.

“Yeah, I agree. But, are you sure?” I asked, picking up a caterpillar off the white aisle. Louis laughed.

“Certainly. I’ll see you at the ceremony, Jacob,” he replied, then clapped me on the back. I smiled, and walked back up the hill and through the sliding back door of the Cullens’ house.

Sue and Charlie had arrived and I greeted them before grabbing my toiletries. Yeah, Charlie and Sue are together now. Everyone saw it coming, but it’s nice to know that they finally started dating. Charlie needed someone, and so did Sue. They’re great together.

Climbing up the stairs, I went down the hallway to the bathroom. I would go to Edward’s room or something, but I didn’t know when a girl would pop out of one of the rooms and freak out because she wasn’t ready. So, I was using the bathroom on the opposite hall. Of course it worked; this bathroom was as big as my bedroom from when I lived in La Push! I sat my stuff down, and I grabbed my hair gel.

I don’t normally use gel, but it’s a wedding so I decided why not give it a try? I put a little glob on my fingertips and ran my hands through my hair quickly, sculpting it to a neat, but messy look. Ness likes my hair when its been styled. I keep it short nowadays, because I don’t really need Bella to care about the length of my hair, like I did before.

Ness’s opinion matters the most, and she likes it short. I pushed it a tad to the side, and inspected it. When I was satisfied, I pulled on the turquoise vest, and tucked the turquoise tie in it. Hey, at least it’s not pink. Leah decided on ties instead of bow ties (thank god), though I still don’t exactly like the white tux look. I pulled on my jacket, and looked over myself in the mirror.

I looked good.

Grinning, I brushed of my jacket, buttoned it, and gave myself a thumbs up. I don’t give a shit if it looked cheesy. Anyone this hot can be as cheesy as they want, dammit.

Ness is right, I can be conceited.

I walked out of the bathroom, and down the stairs to the living room. Esme was fixing Carlisle’s tie affectionately, though I’m sure he could have done it himself, it’s the thought that counts. Edward was playing some preppy little song on the piano, but smirked at me once he heard my thoughts. All the other guests were already seated outside and I went on out, considering the ceremony was in ten minutes.

I went through the back door and saw every seat filled and most of the groomsmen stood in a group talking until the wedding started. There was no flower girl, everyone was too old, but they did have white flower petals lining the aisle. Good enough.

I went over and talked to Embry for a few minutes and then the girls started coming outside. Leah was still inside but once I saw Ness, I didn’t seem to remember that I was at a wedding. She was in a turquoise silk dress with a halter top and a sweetheart neckline. It was tailored so that it hugged every single curve of her body and below the hips it fell, as if it were a waterfall. It was cut open at the leg so I could see the top of her right thigh. Her shoes were tall and pointy, but sexy as hell and made her legs look delicious.

Don’t think of me as a perv’, but her boobs looked amazing in that dress, and not to mention how her skin glowed lightly, the sunlight intensifying it. Her long hair fell in tight ringlets framing her face, and it was parted on the side with a white and turquoise flower barrette stuck in the side.

I had to close my mouth before I started drooling and Ness giggled softly before coming over and looping her arm with mine.

“You look so handsome,” she whispered, her breath tickling my ear. I shook my head, trying to think of something half way coherent to say.

“You look am-amazing,” I stuttered, running my hand down her bare back. Did I mention that in the back, the dress fell in a big V to the bottom of her lower back? Guess not. Well, it does. Gosh, I feel like a horny teenager, but I can’t help it! If you would have seen that dress, you would’ve done the same thing!

She rolled her eyes, but grinned, her long black lashes framing her light chocolate brown eyes. I clenched my jaw, trying to not think about how appealing Ness looked. I knew Edward could hear my thoughts, too, so I had to keep it cool.

I took a deep breath and wrapped my arm around her tightly. She leaned in and after a few seconds, the bridal march song thing started.

“Guess this is our cue,” Ness said. She looped her arm through mine again, and we got in line behind the rest of the couples. We were third to go, and there were seven couples to walk down the aisle. Seth and Emily went first, then Kim and Jared, then me and Ness. We walked down the aisle – left right, left right – and I separated from her reluctantly to go to my designated spot. The rest of the bridesmaids and groomsmen divided, and I saw Leah standing at the end of the aisle.

The look on her face was pure, glowing bliss. Her grin was a mild wide and she slowly walked down the aisle. Louis’ breath caught as he took her in. Her dress was very unlike her. It looked like a mermaid. It hugged her silhouette and right above the knee it fanned out to the floor. It was very pretty and so was a white ribbon in her short hair, with a turquoise flower in it.

When she made it to the end, their grins were so wide you would think they had just won the lottery. But, in the sense of imprinting, they really had. They held each others’ hands and said their vows, Leah choking back tears and Sue sobbing on Charlie’s shoulder. Once they kissed, everyone cheered and before I knew it we were crossing the bridge to get to the reception tent. Ness was leaning into my side, and Alice was skipping ahead to make sure everything was perfect before letting us in.

When we got in, there was techno music blaring and multicolored lights laminating the dance floor. I felt like I was in one of those night clubs of Jersey Shore. I swear, if a Guido popped out and started fist pumping, I wouldn’t have been surprised.

Ness tugged me on to the dance floor, swaying with the music and everyone was laughing and having a blast. Thankfully, nothing catastrophic happened and Leah had the best possible wedding she could have.

When it was over, Leah and Louis left to the airport; they were going to Spain where Louis is from. They were going to have a great honeymoon and I was glad that Leah would have some time off. Everyone scattered when the reception was over and I kissed Ness goodnight before going home. I was beat. I took a nice hot shower, got all of that sticky gel out of my hair and I climbed into bed. Now, I have to patrol. All these damn weddings making me have double patrols is starting to suck.

- Jacob

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(Jacob Black’s Diary) Permission

Dear Diary,

I was off of patrols yesterday, so of course I spent most of it with Ness. We went over to Leah’s house to rehearse places, and everything. Me and Ness would walk down the aisle and then separate and go to our places, yada, yada, yada.

It took about two hours to perfect everything; it was harder to do it because we were rehearsing in Leah’s backyard, not the pond behind the Cullens’ where the ceremony was going to be held. And, of course, we had to take extra time to explain it to Paul…it’s hard to get anything through his thick head.

When we finished, everyone ate some fried chicken, and then all scattered to go wherever the hell they felt like. Ness and I left, and I ended up having to drop her off at the mall where Alice was waiting. She didn’t want to go, since I was off patrol, but I still had tonight – and her and Alice had been planning this for a while.

So, Ness reluctantly left, but her face brightened when Alice started telling her about some D&G, or D&J sale. Whatever those over-priced designer’s call their ‘fashion lines’. The whole drive back to the Cullens’ house, Ness’s sweet pomegranate scent was still hanging in the air, making my mind slow down a bit. Taking a deep breath, I got out of the car, and went inside the Cullens’ mega mansion.

I’ve thought about it; I don’t want to wait until Ness’s next birthday. All this marriage stuff with Leah’s wedding, and me losing control in the car with Nessie made me realize that I want it sooner. I want to be tied to her in any way possible, and I want to be her husband so bad it’s weirding me out a bit. The bond that I feel with her…it’s so damn indescribable. I feel so many emotions with her. She makes me feel happy, sad, scared, sensitive, loved. It’s a whirlwind of feelings, and it’s pretty confusing.

When I walked in the Cullens’, I knew then that this would be the only time I would get to talk to Edward, without anyone overhearing. So, I walked in with confidence, though it was fake. On the inside, I was scared as hell. Do you know what it feels like, asking an overprotective vampire father to have his daughter’s hand in marriage? Yeah, pretty frigging scary.

I took three deep breaths, and walked in the house, trying not to fidget. Esme was cooking, and smiled at me from the kitchen before I found Edward sitting on the couch with Bella.

“Uh, hi, Edward.” I rushed the words out. Edward looked up, his brows furrowed in confusion, and I tried my best not to think about what I was going to ask him.

“Hello, Jacob. Is there anything you need?” he asked, clearly trying to dig around in my head. I nodded.

“I was wondering if we could, um, take a walk? So we can talk,” I said, my voice cracking at the end. Edward got a curious glint in his eye, and Bella was biting her lip, confused.

“Yes, of course,” he answered.  ”I’ll be back soon, love,” he told Bella, and stood up easily from the leather couch. I rocked back on my heels, and shoved my hands in the pockets of my jeans. Edward walked beside me to the door, and followed me outside.

Once we made it to the crisp air, I breathed deeply, and Edward watched me.

“What is it, Jacob?” he asked, sounding concerned. I bit the inside of my cheek, and looked at him, straight in the eyes.

“Well…I almost went too far with Ness the other day,” I said, and his eyes tightened the slightest.

“Yes, I actually heard her thoughts when I came back from hunting. But, you guys stopped yourselves, so it’s none of my business – and it’s not my place to punish either of you,” he said softly, and I nodded.

“Well, see, I had a plan. I was going to wait until her next birthday, but I’ve decided I want to do this sooner,” I said, and breathed through my nose, when the snow started falling again slowly. Edward waited for me to continue.

“I want to ask her to marry me.” The words tumbled out of my mouth jumbled and fast. Edward’s face turned to understanding, a glint of anger, and then acceptance.

“And, how soon are you planning on asking her, Jacob?” he asked, his voice impassive. I took another deep breath.

Well, I was thinking around March…I know how much Ness loves spring, and I was thinking the wedding could be in May…?” I said nervously. Edward nodded, and looked down for a minute.

“Well, Jacob, I don’t want my baby girl to grow up…but, she has, sooner than I would have liked, but there’s no stopping it. She’ll be matured soon enough, and I saw this coming. As hard as it is for me, I give you my permission to propose,” he said, looking back up and directly into my eyes. I nodded, and smiled.

“I love her so much, Edward. I promise you, I will never mess it up.” I over-pronounced each word, looking at Edward straight on.

“I know, Jacob. I can see it, I can hear it,” he admitted, pointing to his head. “But, if you ever do anything close to hurting her…you’ll be patrolling in a wheelchair.” I laughed. He joined in, and then clapped me on the back.

“You’re a good kid, Jacob. I’m glad that you imprinted on her…I mean, I find the whole process beautiful, and I know that the connection is so deep that I can trust you with her,” Edward added. The look on his face wasn’t happy, but at least it wasn’t angry. Relief flooded through me, and I smiled the whole walk back.

Once we were inside, Edward went to play the piano and I walked into the kitchen, relief still strongly radiating through me the whole time. I sniffed the air, and my grin grew even wider. Esme made some of her amazing beef stew. That stuff is so damn good, I can eat a whole pot of it.

On the counter I found a humongous container full of it and it had a little sticky note with my name on it, stuck on the top. I grabbed a coke, and a spoon and wolfed down half of the stew. I was gonna keep the rest for later.

I heard a car come up the drive and I knew it was Alice and Nessie, so I put my spoon in the sink and made my way to the garage to greet them. Esme was hanging a picture, so I hugged and kissed her cheek on the way to the door leading out to the six car garage connected to the house. She smiled at me, and I walked out to the garage. I stood off to the side, and the door started opening automatically. Alice’s purple Nissan 350z pulled in smoothly, and the engine turned off quietly.

I waited for Ness to get out, and she sprinted over to me, and jumped up on me, wrapping her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist.

“Hey, Jake!” she said, then kissed my cheek softly. I smiled at her.

“Alice? Did you give her one of those twenty dollar coffees again?” I asked, and Alice grinned then shook her head.

“Jake, I’m just excited to see you! I missed you,” Ness said, kissing me quickly, before jumping down.

“I missed you too, honey,” I said, stroking the side of her face slowly.

“We bought some great clothes, didn’t we Ali?” Ness said, turning to watch Alice closing the trunk of her car. She had about forty bags on her arms.

“Yes! Yes we did! I can’t believe I forgot all about the sale they were having at Jimmy Choos! Thankfully, all the good heels weren’t gone,” Alice sung, grinning mischievously, skipping back inside as if she wasn’t carrying an extra one hundred and fifty pounds. I rolled my eyes and Ness grabbed my hand.

“So, what did you do while I was gone?” Nessie asked, her eyes probing my face curiously.

“I hung out with your dad, and then ate a bucket of Esme’s awesome beef stew,” I said, proud of myself for such quick thinking.

“You hung out with my dad?” She asked, her face turning incredulous.

“Yeah, we watched some television and stuff,” I answered, fidgeting. Ness nodded, but still looked skeptical. Thankfully, she shrugged it off and we walked inside the house, hand in hand.

The rest of the day passed, and me and Ness watched movies, played games, and talked. I’ve never related to someone so well. I was glad I didn’t have patrols today, because I’ve learned that there is nowhere in the world that I would rather be than with Nessie. I’m feeling a lot more confident about the decision I made to propose earlier than I had planned. I love her. So much. And I don’t want to wait. I want to be the man called her husband. I want to make her breakfast in bed, and spend every second of the day with her. And now that Edward ‘approves’, I don’t feel scared about anything anymore.

I went home in a dreamy state, and smiled the whole time I took a shower. I’m pretty sure I slept the whole night with a huge grin on my face.

Well, I’m leaving now. I have patrol in about two hours, and I want to spend some more time with my future wife.

- Jacob

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I know that this entry didn’t have any steamy makeout scenes, and whatnot, but this was a filler, and it needed to be posted for the story to be the same. Thanks for reading, and I promise steamy entries are in the soon future!

Losing Control

Dear Diary,

Ness and I have gotten closer these past few days. Double patrols are over now that Jared’s back, and I spend almost every second with her. The whole family is scattered at the moment. Esme and Alice are helping Leah plan her wedding. Carlisle is working doubles, helping in the cancer ward, using chemicals and crap. I think he’s working with a group of scientists, trying to experiment on finding a cure. That damn doctor is gonna cure every disease one day.

Edward and Bella spend a lot of time just hanging around wherever, and Rosalie and Emmett went on their millionth honeymoon.

So I guess you can say it’s pretty quiet around here. The group of nomads left, leaving us with no problems. I’m not trying to jinx myself, but I’m going to say that it’s almost normal. It’s almost refreshing to know that a group of crazy newborn vampires are trying to kill us, or crazy old ones at that. It’s relaxed around here. Of course Alice is on watch, and we still patrol, because we’ve learned to never let our guard down.

The New Year started two days ago, but the snow doesn’t show any sign of stopping. I don’t mind it, but I do miss the sun. Not that I saw it much in the first place, considering I lived my whole life in La Push. Ness is enough light for me anyways.

Today I went over to Leah and Louis’s house with Ness, and I got fitted for a suit, while Ness got fitted for her dress. She was going to be a bridesmaid, because Leah chose Emily to be the maid of honor. After Leah imprinted, they got over the whole ‘you-stole-my-soulmate’ thing. I already have a couple of suits and tuxedos, but Leah decided to choose white and blue as her theme, so I needed another suit for her stinking wedding.

Don’t think of me as a softie, but I’m really happy for Leah. She never deserved to be so lonely and depressed, and now, she’s so much better. Happy.

Ness and I drove my Charger – yes a Charger – there. I gave my rabbit to Seth, because he needed a car, and Edward gave me the shell of a ‘78 Charger to rebuild. I spent weeks on it, and finished it in record time. I put in a V8 cylinder engine, and painted it bright red. It’s pretty damn awesome. I revved the engine the whole ride there, making Ness delightfully giggle, which made me keep doing it. Her peals of laughter softened when we walked up the small path to Leah’s ranch house.

Leah opened the door with a huge smile plastered on her face, she was flushed with happiness. The small smile on my face widened and she ushered Ness and I inside her warm house. The guys were getting their white suits tailored, and all the girls ran upstairs. I rolled my eyes and took my shoes off before I entered the open living room.

“Hey guys,” I said, patting Louis on the shoulder. Seth grinned, but then grimaced at Alice, who was prodding around on his jacket. Embry, Jared, Sam, and Paul were the groomsmen, aside from me, and Seth was clearly the best man. So Alice worked away like a little midget fairy on hyper speed. I sat on the couch next to Jared, he already had his suit done, and I was going to be the last one getting mine done. Paul and Embry were eating, so it was pretty quiet.

Jared and I made small talk until Seth’s suit was done, and I left to go slip on my suit. It fit fine in my opinion, but Alice insists that it should fit like a glove. I quickly buttoned up the shirt, and draped the bright white jacket over my arm while making it to the living room.

Alice had me stand on a wooden circle thing, and stuck different colored pins in my suit, and poked me only once, when I moved. I got a slap on the back of the head and she scolded me, telling me not to move or she would drain all the disgusting blood out of my veins, or something like that. I just rolled my eyes at her, and she giggled, before putting the last pin in.

“Okay! Now, go take it off, but be careful not to misplace any of the pins!” She said, her voice tinkling as I walked in the bathroom to take off my now tight fitting suit.

Once I took it off, I walked out of the bathroom, and saw Ness waiting for me.

“Hey there, handsome,” she said, pulling me into a chaste kiss. I grinned at her.

“Does the dress fit?” I asked, and she nodded.

“Yeah, it’s the prettiest color blue. I love it,” she said, and I smiled.

“It’s the same color of the tie I have to wear. It is a pretty blue,” I told her, and we walked in the kitchen. Leah was sitting at the table with everyone else, eating something.

“Hey guys, we’re gonna head out. We’ll be over tomorrow and go over all the other stuff,” I said, and everyone said bye.

Leah got up and hugged me, whispering thanks in my ear. I shrugged them off, kissing her on the cheek, and grabbing Ness’s hand.

She followed me out the door and into the snow, and out to my car. We both got in, and I turned the heat on high, for the sake of Nessie.

Of course, that only made her sweet pomegranate scent circle around me, making my senses dull a fraction.

“Well, the indoor pool is finally finished,” Renesmee said. I clenched the steering wheel. I’ve seen Ness in a bathing suit, and the mental image is enough to make me drive off the road.

“Really?” I asked tightly.

“Yeah, mom said that she’d let me put bubbles in the Jacuzzi, to make it look cool,” she answered excitedly, and my eyelids drooped. Ness in a bathing suit, wet, with bubbles?

I took a deep breath, and forced a smile.

“That’s cool,” I said, trying to regulate my breathing.

“Yeah, and Victoria’s Secret had a sale on bathing suits, so mom let me buy, like twenty.” By that time I was close to breaking the steering wheel. I pulled the car over so quickly that the tires squealed.

“What are you-” I leaped over the center console, and crushed my mouth against Ness’s soft lips, and sucked her bottom lip into my mouth. All the blood was rushing from my head and into the lower regions of my body, and I was using all I had to keep a feral growl from slipping out. Our tongues danced, and Nessie moaned, the vibrations making me lightheaded. I pulled her up, to where she was sitting in my lap in the passenger’s seat, and she was straddling me perfectly. I felt hot and cold, shivering from the warmth, before tangling my hands in her silky hair, pressing her mouth to mine with more force, and in the process I let out a small growl. Ness moaned louder, and put her hands under my shirt, caressing my stomach. Our lips were molded together, growls shaking from me uncontrollably, and Ness was breathing hot into my mouth. Her scent was everywhere, taunting and teasing me. Too soon, she pulled away.

“Jake,” she breathed, looking at me with her pupils dilated.

“If you were thinking straight, you would stop this from going too far. But, you aren’t, so I have to, unfortunately. I want this more than you, but you wouldn’t want this to happen in the back of your car,” she said, frowning.

I blinked a few times, and took two deep breaths.

“Well, there’s no way in hell you can want this more than me, but you’re right,” I concluded, with a nod while trying to gather my thoughts.

“That was pretty hot though,” she said giggling. I laughed.

“I agree,” I told her, kissing her forehead. The heat was still on full blast, so I turned it down, feeling that it was uncomfortably hot. I climbed back into the driver’s seat, and shifted the gear from park, and started driving back down the slippery streets. Ness hummed with the song on the radio, and it didn’t seem any different from the way it was ten minutes ago.

This was going to be harder than I thought, keeping from completely blowing the plan I have away.

I kept mentally bullying myself the whole ride back, and only stopped when I walked her inside with a small kiss. She hugged me tightly, and went inside before I drove back to my house.

I took a cold shower, hoping to clear my thoughts, and now I’m here, at my desk, writing in my diary. I can say that things with me and Ness are just going to get harder, considering the thick sexual tension that constantly bugs both of us. But, my conscious will hopefully make me smart enough to make sure it happens the right way…not in my car.

Well, I’m really hungry, so I think I’m going to go make me some steak. Later,

- Jacob

♥Author’s Note: I’m so sorry for the uber long delay on this entry! I went on a vacation, and I’m also more busy than ever! So, I’ve decided to not have a date on updates, but it should be in the once every two weeks area. I’ll notify you guys if it’ll take longer and whatnot. Thank you for being patient, and reading! It means a lot, and I am happy to have you guys! xoxo

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(Jacob’s Diary) Christmas Day

Dear Diary,

It’s Christmas day, well now it’s evening, but I’m talking about earlier.

Anyway, when I woke up at the crack of dawn, I had those damn butterflies bothering the hell out of me by flying around in my stomach. The feeling of nervousness annoys the crap out of me.

Last night, I spent about an hour wrapping Ness’s gift. I put it in a box, wrapped it, and then put a bow on it. It took a few tries.

When I was satisfied, I tucked it away with my outfit I had set out. I know, I know, setting out an outfit? Really Jake? Nervousness made me want to look nice, so I set out a lame outfit to wear.

When I had everything ready for tomorrow, I showered, and went to bed. Well, I spent the first couple of hours in a restless state, tossing and turning until I got half of the nervousness pushed out of my mind momentarily. Me being me, once I fell asleep, I was out.

Normally I sleep like the dead, but it was Christmas, and my subconscious must have known, since it woke me up around six in the morning. I muttered at myself on the way to the shower, and was still cursing when I was dressing, wishing I could’ve gotten more than just a wink of sleep, considering I have to patrol after the festivities and whatnot.

“Damn,” I muttered, yawning loudly, pulling my lame sweater over my head. I’m only wearing it because Ness insisted, and my weakness for her won’t let me deny her of anything. When I had the cream sweater on, I pulled on my black jeans, and leather shoes. Glancing at the mirror, I flexed my biceps a little, and I must say, I clean up very nicely. Humming in approval, I put a dab of gel in my hair, dragged my body over to my dresser, and picked up Ness’s gift – before opening my door to the blizzard of snow.

I stomped through the foot deep snow quickly, not wanting to mess up my leather shoes, and trudged to their merry door, donning a wreath and framed with garlands. I have to remind myself sometimes that they are blood drinking monsters, but I never can get myself to believe it. After getting to know each and every one of them, and bonding with them, I realize they’re not monsters. They’re as close to real people as you can get, with great personalities, and you get used to the smell after a while. After ringing the doorbell, it opened a nanosecond later, to reveal a smiling Esme, wearing a Christmas sweater, and little jingle bell earrings.

“Jacob! Good morning! You’re up early!” She exclaimed, shuffling me inside.

“You know better than to knock! Family doesn’t knock, you know,” She rambled, helping me get my coat off. I smiled at her, and hugged her small cold body. She seems more like my mother every time I see her. She patted my back sweetly, and released me with her eyes sparkling.

“I made all sorts of cookies. Are the rest of the pack attending?” She asked, walking into the kitchen, and I followed her, nodding at Jasper, who was sharing a game of chess with Carlisle. They get more and more dorky as the days go on.

Jasper smirked at me, obviously feeling my emotions, and Carlisle grinned at me before I let my eyes feast upon all the cookies and treats that Esme put together. I walked into the kitchen, and realized it was covered with food, cookies, and candy. Reason number two why I love the holidays with the Cullens. My mouth started watering, and Esme laughed at my expression.

“Um, I think Sam and Jared are covering for half and then Paul and Embry the other half, so yeah. This food will not be here for long,” I said, shoving a peppermint cupcake into my mouth. Moaning at the pure ecstasy, I saw Ness come down the stairs, yawning adorably, before her eyes found mine.

“Well, if it doesn’t get eaten, I’ll take it down to the soup kitchen on main street, along with the dinner I already made to take down there,” She said, and I nodded absently, still staring at Ness.

How this woman can still look beautiful after just waking up amazes me. She wore navy sweatpants, and a striped red and white knit sweater. Her hair was slightly mussed, and made me realize I now find the ‘Bed-Head’ look extremely attractive. She hugged me tightly before sitting on the only available counter space left in the kitchen. I kissed her lips softly, and she smiled when I pulled away.

“Mmm, you taste like peppermints,” She said, biting her lip. I grinned, and she took a huge gulp of eggnog that Esme sat beside her before leaving to go find something to put the food for the soup kitchen in.

“I love this stuff. Some of the only human food I like,” She said, sipping it some more. I scrunched my nose up, and grabbed a root beer out of the fridge.

“It’s disgusting,” I said, and she rolled her eyes.

“I bet it tastes good on my lips,” She said, her eyelids turning heavy. I stood there dumbly, and she eventually pulled me towards her, wrapping her legs around my waist, and smashing her lips against mine.

She was right; eggnog does taste good against her lips. She dove her tongue through my lips, and I suppressed a growl, and allowed our tongues to dance. She moaned in response, and tried to deepen the kiss, when I had the first coherent thought since seeing her this morning.

“Ness, we’re in the kitchen. We can do this later,” I said, pulling away slightly, avoiding her look of disappointment. I disentangled myself, and smiled when I saw her socks.

“Dancing elves?” I asked, pointing at her toe socks. She blushed.

“What? They’re cute,” She said defensively. I kissed her forehead, and she jumped down. She grabbed my hand, and grabbed her mug of warm eggnog in the other, and we walked into the warm living room. There was a fire in the vast fireplace, and there was a soft tinkling of Christmas carols coming from their stereo. It looked the same as yesterday, same decorations, but the feel was different. It felt even warmer and welcoming, if that’s possible.

Carlisle and Jasper were still playing chess, and Rosalie and Alice were situating the gifts under the tree to where they resembled a picture out of a catalog, and I rolled my eyes. It’s not like the paper’s not going to be ripped off in the next couple of hours. Ness sat down on the long leather couch, and I joined her, letting her snuggle into my embrace.

I noticed that the Cullens’ had gotten me, and the pack some gifts too, and my heart warmed. They have become my family, and I wouldn’t imagine spending the holidays with anyone else…except for Emmett maybe. He thundered down the stairs, singing ‘Silent Night’ boisterously, and hit the high notes with perfection, but it still didn’t sound pleasing.

“All is calm! All is br-” I cut him off.

“Jeez, Em! Put a cap in it!” I yelled, and he frowned.

“Way to ruin the spirit, bro.” He said, and I just smiled at him. Rosalie  smiled at him too, and said something about letting him sing all he wants later. Ugh.

Esme soon came into the living room, and Edward and Bella followed shortly after.

“Do you know when Paul and Embry will be here?” She asked, and I shook my head. They didn’t tell me, but it wouldn’t be long, they knew that Esme would be cooking. Everyone snuggled up together, and talked together, reminiscing in memories, waiting for Paul and Embry to join us.

They finally busted through the door half an hour later, making straight for the kitchen. Esme bustled in there to make them plates filled with the food, starting them off with half a roast each, and mashed potatoes for both of them. They sat in arm chairs in the living room, and started shoveling it down their throats, with a muffled ‘thanks’ to Esme, and a ‘Hello’ and ‘Merry Christmas’ to us through mouthfuls of food.

When they finished, Esme and Alice started handing out gifts from under the tree, one by one. I had put everyone but Nessie’s gifts under there yesterday, and everyone got their gifts from me first. I made a wooden football holder for Emmett, which he accepted happily. I got Rosalie an antique mirror from a yard sale, but it was beautiful, and big, so I thought I should give it to her. If she’s going to be conceited, might as well let her embrace it. Edward snorted when he heard that thought, and then he got his gift from me. I got him a ‘20 Q’. It asks you yes or no questions, and after twenty questions, it knows what you’re thinking about. He rolled his eyes, and gave me a stiff hug before sitting back with Bella.

I got Bella a First Edition of Bram Stoker’s Dracula, and she laughed at first, but was excited because it was signed by Bram Stoker. I got Alice a ‘Nail Dryer’, and Jasper a mood ring. They all loved the gifts, probably because half of them came with a pun. I got Esme a new apron that said, ‘Bite Me, I taste Good’ with fangs and a pie on it. Carlisle graciously accepted my ‘Operation’ game, and was excited to try it out. I had given the pack their gifts early, so I was done giving out my gifts, for now at least.

Throughout the day, I received all sorts of gifts from everyone, an iPod touch from Edward, a Kindle from Bella, though I won’t use it. A laser tag game from Emmett; and he made me promise to play with him. Rosalie gave me a shaving kit, and Alice gave me a Gift Certificate for Armani. Esme and Carlisle gave me a new HD television, and Jasper gave me a Civil War book about guns. Embry and Paul gave me Frat shirt that said ‘Supposed to be Alpha’ on it. By the time it got to everyone giving and receiving gifts to end, Ness took me into the den so we could give each other our presents. Everyone was outside having a snowball fight, so we could do this alone, and have it be special.

“If you don’t like it, I would completely understand,” Ness blurted, and I rolled my eyes.

“I know I’ll like it,” I told her, handing her my present. She grabbed it tenderly, and smiled when she saw that I messed up a couple of times.

When she tore of the paper, she lifted the lid to the cardboard box I put it in, and pulled it out. I gauged her reaction, and watched as her eyes got glassy, and her cheeks flushed.

“It’s so beautiful.” Her voice was soft.

“It kinda is to show that, you’re pretty much like my sun, and yeah,” I rushed the words out, and she pursed her lips.

“I love it. This means so much to me,” she said, and a tear rolled down the apple of her cheek. I wiped it away with the pads of my thumbs, and kissed her.

“I’m glad you like it,” I whispered. She then reached to the couch, and grabbed a perfectly wrapped box about the size of my hand. She handed it to me, and I gingerly opened it, eager to see what was in it. When I opened it, I saw a leather chain, and at the bottom was a circle with a intricate design engraved on the outside. I saw it was a locket, and opened it to see a picture of us, laughing, unknowing that a picture was being taken. The locket itself was the size of a fifty cent piece, and was a shining sterling silver.

“The chain is this leather that stretches up to five feet, so you can wear it, and when you phase it’ll still be on there, and it has a grip so it won’t fall off,” Nessie rambled nervously. I rubbed my thumb over the giant circular locket.

“Ness, this is…perfect,” I said, and she hugged me tightly, causing me to have to sit the necklace on the couch.

“I love you so much, Jake,” she mumbled into my neck. I squeezed her.

“I love you so much, too,” I said, and she kissed my cheek.

To say that Christmas was good is an understatement. Christmas was great. After me and Ness exchanged gifts in the den, we joined the others outside, and played in the snow until we were all soaked to the bone, and came in to warm up by the fire with hot chocolate and eggnog. Sam and Jared came afterwards, and Paul and Embry left reluctantly, heading to Leah and Louis’s house for a few minutes before patrol.

So, around nine, I left to go home so I could have a few minutes to write in my little girly diary, before I had to go out to patrol.

Well, I gotta go. I’ll talk to you guys later.

- Jacob

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Jacob’s Diary: Frustration

Dear Diary,

Christmas is tomorrow, so Esme is blurring around the Cullens’ place like a mad woman. Just like any other holiday, the Cullen-s  well, Alice and Esme, freak out, and spend small fortunes to decorate and celebrate. I, on the other hand, might get a small tree, and a wreath to put on the door. But that’s because I’m too lazy to do anything else.

I’ve spent today patrolling so I can have tomorrow off, and finally got in from hours of trudging trough soggy snow. The snow is great, but my body heat melts it quickly, and makes it as though I’m constantly walking through a slushy snow cone.

When I got back home from patrols, it wasn’t late, so I took off my boots at the door, and walked to the bathroom, melted snow dripping from my hair and clothes. This snow is starting to get annoying. I hate doing laundry, and I constantly have to wash my clothes because the snow soaks them and makes them mildew. Of course, Emmett decided to give me advice, and told me to suck it up, be a man, because it’ll be snowing a lot here. But then again, Emmett doesn’t have to do his own laundry. If he actually wears something more than once, Esme washes them for him. What a momma’s boy.

I turned the water in the shower on, and peeled my wet clothes that were clinging to my body off. I threw them to the corner of the bathroom, and they landed against the tile with a smack. When the shower’s hot steam fogged up the mirror, and I climbed in the hot water. My body barely registered the heat, because though I can feel temperatures, they don’t really effect me.

My mind was elsewhere, at the time though, the nervousness of presents and whatnot nagging at me.

For Christmas, Ness and I would always give each other gifts that we made, not store bought things. I actually buy gifts for some, but most I make, because I’m a cheap guy. I don’t make Ness’s gifts because I’m cheap though, I make them because I want them to mean something. I can’t give her a pair of shoes, or a purse, to show her how much I love her. You can only do that with Alice.

So, this year I had made Ness a wooden sculpture. It’s a wolf, howling at the sun, not the moon. The wolf has a look of awe in it’s face, and the sun is done with intricate rays formed from the center. It wouldn’t be useful or anything, but I feel that it has a lot of meaning.

She’s my sun. She’s what I revolve around.

It was probably the best gift I’ve made her. Since my dad taught me how to shape wood with a knife, I can make her nice things that are special, and cool looking.

I’ve spent about three months on this one, and it’s taken a lot of patience, and concentration. I’m proud of myself though, because it’s more extravagant than other homemade gifts, like macaroni necklaces. She would probably sit it on her bedside table next to the framed picture of us, taken before the confrontation with the Volturi.

I know she’ll like it, but there’s always that gnawing feeling that there will be a reason for her not to like it. I let myself lean against the shower wall, letting the steam engulf me in a warm blanket.

When the hot water turned to warm, and I decided to get out before I fell asleep.

Stumbling out of the shower, I hurriedly dried off, and pulled on some thick jeans and a long sleeved thermal, ready to see my Nessie again.

Once I had pulled on my boots and a hat to keep my hair dry, I swung open the door of my house, and started walking briskly down the road to the Cullens’ place. Their house was covered in those sissy twinkling lights, and giant candy canes lined the sidewalk, while there was a Santa’s sleigh, and reindeer in their front yard. When I opened the front door, the smell of cinnamon and peppermint filled my nose. Yep, Esme’s cooking cookies and treats. Another reason I love the holidays.

The whole family was sitting in the living room, the fire crackling, and the huge television was playing the movie ‘Elf’ with Will Ferrell.

Once I put up my coat and shoes, I plopped down next to Ness.

She kissed my cheek causing Edward to roll his eyes. Ignoring him, I glanced around the warm, decorated room. The Cullens’ house had high ceilings, so of course they would get a ten foot tall Christmas tree. It was decorated with expensive looking ornaments, and it was topped with a huge crystal star. I scoffed at the tree, and how overly fancy it was. Nobody noticed, so I didn’t have to worry about it insulting Esme. That would risk her to stop baking cookies for me. I can’t live without her Christmas cookies. Edward put in another eye roll, and I once again, ignored him. This mortal enemy crap went down the drain after I imprinted on Ness, and though we still annoy each other to no end, he’s kinda like a brother. An annoying, know-it-all brother. At that thought, the corner of Edward’s mouth lifted, and he glanced at me. I shrugged at him, and that got Ness’s attention.

“What is it?” She asked, and I grinned, shaking my head.

“Nothing,” I told her, and she pursed her lips, but turned back to the screen after I kissed her forehead. I have to admit, the movie was pretty interesting, but I had to leave the room when Sam called me.

“I’m going to go tonight, and keep an eye on these nomads,” he told me through the phone. I furrowed my eyebrows.

“Why? They aren’t murdering the whole town are they?” I asked, and Sam sighed.

“Well, I’m not sure, but they seem suspicious,” he said, and I frowned.

“I still have tomorrow off right?” I asked, worried I wouldn’t be able to spend time with Ness.

“Yes, of course. Can you come in around ten, though?” Sam questioned, causing me to sigh.

“Sure, sure.” I said, and Sam laughed.

“Way to be a good sport,” he replied, his voice full of sarcasm. I chuckled, and said my goodbyes, eager to get back in Ness’s warm embrace. The movie credits were rolling when I came back, and everyone was scattering.

I saw that Nessie was still sitting on the couch, so I sat down next to her.

“Was that Sam?” She asked, and I nodded.

“Yeah, he was just discussing patrols,” I told her.

“You’re still off tomorrow, right?” She pried, a look of worry on her face. I nodded.

“Of course, but I’ll have to leave at about eight tomorrow night,” I said, and she smiled.

“Well, at least we have the day together,” She said, and I kissed her softly, now that we were away from Edward’s laser beam glare.

Her mouth tasted of her natural pomegranate taste, with a mixture of cinnamon. I pulled away, though my body screamed to keep going, I don’t want to get carried away with people so close around.

When our lips separated, her face pulled into an adorable pout, causing me to chuckle and envelope her in my arms, letting her lay down curled into my side.

“Jake?” She asked tentatively. I looked at her, letting her continue.

“I know you probably have a present for me already, but I want something, that I know you can give me,” She said, taking a deep breath. This woman confuses me.

I looked at her confused. She rolled her eyes, and pressed her hand firmly against my cheek, and images shot through my mind of me and Ness. We were kissing, and things started getting heated, and clothes were being taken off. I gasped.

“Ness, your dad is-” She cut me off.

“Relax, jeez!” She groaned, annoyed. “I asked my mom to shield my thoughts earlier,” She said, and I looked away.

“Ness, we can’t. We’re not ready, just wait. When we’re both ready, it’ll be perfect,” I rambled, avoiding her eyes, that were boring holes into my head.

“Jake, I’m tired of waiting! We are ready! It will be perfect!” She yelled, and I cringed, knowing that there were people in the house, all of which had superhuman hearing.

“Ness, you’re not ready. I’m not. It would be a messy, painful process, but if we wait, it will be perfect.” I said, staring into her eyes. I knew after Carlisle told me about her starting her period a year ago, her hormones would be raging, but I didn’t think it would be this bad.

“Whatever,” She said, and stomped upstairs. Groaning, I put my head in my hands. I had our whole life planned out, perfectly, but I don’t want one thing to get in the way. Trust me, I want it just as bad as she does, but I also want to get married, have half werewolf, a fourth human, and a fourth vampire babies. If that’s possible. Our first time shouldn’t be like this. It should be fun, and carefree. I will pull my hair out if she pressures me again.

“Jeez, mutt. You’re stressing me out. What has you all upset?” I heard, and I looked up to see Jasper, the dude that’s like a box of emotions on legs.

“You don’t want to know,” I said lowly, and Jasper laughed.

“Ah, you can go up there now. She’s calmed down a bit,” He said, gesturing upstairs, and I nodded thankfully to him, before climbing the winding staircase, and down the hall to Ness’s room. She opened the door right as I got there, and jumped in surprise.

“I was just coming to talk to you,” She said, discreetly wiping her nose. The rims of her eyes were red, and her face was flushed.

“Aw, Ness,” I said, pulling her into my arms.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to be all stupid and irritated. I know you’re right,” She said, muffled by my chest.

“It’s okay, we all can get angry at times,” I said, and she pulled away slightly to kiss my cheek.

“I love you, so much,” She said, and I grinned.

“I love you so much, too,” I told her, and she giggled.

The rest of the evening consisted of cookies, kisses, and Emmett yelling Christmas carols. I guess from the outside, we all look like a very big, weird, dysfunctional family.

I’m going to get some rest now, I have to get up bright and early for presents.

- Jacob

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Resisting Temptations

Dear Diary,

Thankfully, things have settled down after the whole wedding incident. It shook up a few people, but they got over it and enjoyed the rest of the wedding. I just got back from double patrols, since Jared’s off on his honeymoon with Kim. I’m exhausted, and as happy as I am for Jared, I want him to get his ass back home so I could have some time to rest. I see Ness when I can, and I hate noticing every day how much she still grows, and I can’t be there the whole time to see it. She’s getting closer and closer to full maturity, and it gets harder and harder to resist her.

I’ve been thinking it through, and I think the month after her seventh birthday, I’m going to propose. Of course Edward gave me the stink eye when he overheard it, but he didn’t object. He knows it’s coming, but he still is gonna act like a brat anyhow.

I called and told my dad that I was going to propose next year, he was so happy about it, and wanted me to give her my mother’s ring. My mother died in a car accident, and it really scarred my dad. He boxed up all of her stuff, and put it away, because he couldn’t bear to look at it. So, this was shocking, and I immediately agreed, knowing my mother would be happy.

The time I have spent with Ness, she has been…pressuring me. I mean, trust me, I’m a guy, and I want it bad, but I can’t do that right now. It’s not right. I also don’t feel like getting killed by Edward, the protective father.

Earlier, I had just finished a freaking awesome humongous sandwich Esme made me, and was lounging on the couch next to Ness. We were watching some chick flick, and I was getting into it, believe it or not.

Right at the big breakup scene, Ness slid on my lap, and started kissing me, sliding her sweet tongue in my mouth.

Suppressing a groan, I kissed back hesitantly, wondering what was happening. She let out a little moan, making all the blood rush from my head. She sucked my lip, and rubbed her hands on my stomach under my shirt, making me shiver. The hair on my arms stood up when she straddled me, grabbing my hands and making them caress her sides, and dangerously close to her chest. My whole body was flushed as her tongue danced with mine, and I felt goosebumps rise on my arms. She purred, and tangled her hands in my hair, my hands still on her hips, which were straddling me. I was hot and cold at the same time, shivering while my body was red with heat. When her kissing finally became less feverish, I removed my hands from her waist.

Pulling away, I looked in her eyes, before pressing my forehead to hers, in effort to get my breathing back under control.

“You want to go back to your house?” She asked, moaning a little bit, while pulling at the collar of my t-shirt. My eyes widened in realization, and I pulled back.

“Ness, w-we can’t.” I said, fighting to keep my thoughts coherent.

“But, why? I’m ready,” She said, kissing my neck. I shuddered, and pulled her back to look at me.

“Ness, you’re not ready, and it’s not right,” I said slowly. She threw her hands up.

“How can it not be right? What we both want to do, and what we both are ready for is natural! It can’t be not right!” She said, her voice getting more and more exasperated. I rubbed her shoulders.

“Ness, we need to do this right. I want you to be completely ready, and it has to be special. The right thing to do is to wait until marriage anyway,” I told her, and she frowned.

“That’s great! Because now I have to wait forever to finally be with you,” She said, biting her lip. I gave her a soft look, and pulled her lip from her teeth.

“Ness, it won’t be forever. And, wouldn’t you rather it be out of love, instead of hormones?” I asked, and she looked down.

“I guess,” She mumbled, and I hugged her tightly to my chest.

“You don’t know how hard it is to say no,” I whispered in her ear, and she kissed my cheek.

“Well, I know I’m not going to make it easier now,” She said, grinning from ear to ear. I tickled her under her chin, causing her to squeal and crawl to the other end of the couch. I was going to pursue her, but Edward and Bella walked in, eyes light honey from their recent hunting trip.

“Have fun hunting?” I asked, and they nodded.

“Yeah, we did, actually. Many mountain lions to choose from,” Bella said slyly, and Edward grinned, kissing her neck. I pretended to gag, and Nessie made a noise of disgust. They both sheepishly pulled away, and Edward looked at both of us.

“We have some good news to share actually,” Edward stated, and I looked at him, letting him continue.

“Demetri settled in…very well with the Denali clan…He and Tanya are very interested in each other.” He said, giving us a look. Bella was smiling brightly.

“Well, now I don’t need to worry about Tanya wanting to steal you every time they visit,” Bella said, twining her fingers with Edward’s. Edward whispered something about how she doesn’t even compare with Bella or something, and Ness coughed loudly.

“So, Demetri’s with Tanya now?” She asked, and Edward nodded.

“Great! That means I can look at his book collection without having to deal with his flirting!” She said, clapping her hands. I chuckled, and she came back to my part of the couch, snuggling in my arms. They talked a bit more on the topic, before Bella and Edward left, saying something about cleaning up, causing Ness to wrinkle her nose in disgust.

“Well I’m glad I don’t have to worry keeping his claws off of you now,” I said, nuzzling her neck. She giggled.

“He is no competition compared to you, and your body.” She said, patting my arms, and my stomach. I grinned cockily.

“I know, my impeccable abs and muscles are irresistible.” She laughed, and smacked my arm lightly. One good thing about being a werewolf is that you have a great body, and don’t even have to work out at all. Nessie grinned at me, before changing the channel on the television. For now, we don’t have anything to worry about, or anything trying to kill us.

On a serious note, I was really glad that Demetri found himself another bloodsucker, because even though Ness and I are imprinted, there was still the possibility that she might have chosen him instead. It might not have been a big chance, considering our bond, but it was still there, because vampires can be very charming and persuasive. Knowing that he found someone, lifted a weight of my chest, and I felt great, despite how sleep deprived I was from patrolling.

Patrolling has been more tiring lately, considering there are a few nomads in the area that we’re trying to keep an eye on, and I wish that we still were in La Push. There, if they didn’t stay off our land, we could kill the damn parasites, and not have to worry about them.

I still can’t stand vampires who eat humans. I mean, it’s one thing to kill animals, but innocent humans is on a whole different level.

Sam, ruining all of our fun, ordered us to not kill them, unless they went on a psycho killing spree like that army that was sent to kill Bella.

So, with keeping an eye on some nomads, resisting Ness and her motive to get me to crack on the whole sex before marriage thing, and trying to keep food in my stomach, I’m exhausted.

With that, I decided to leave Nessie, and promised that I’d see her tomorrow. Thankfully, she was fine with that, knowing that I needed sleep. She gave me a pretty lengthy kiss at the door, and I left, walking home slowly. Since it was December, it was freezing outside, but I didn’t even shiver, another nice thing about being a werewolf. I took my time, breathing in the crisp air, when the first snowflakes started falling. I grinned, and let myself enjoy the falling frozen water. I knew it was going to snow a buttload in the winter and maybe a bit in the spring, considering it’s New Hampshire, but it was nice to let myself laugh and catch snowflakes in my mouth.

There’s going to be a lot of challenges in the future, and nothing is going to be simple, but for now, I want to worry about the present, not the future.

I guess I’ll head to sleep now, because I know I won’t get much for a while. So, I’ll talk to you later.

-Jacob

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Jealousy

Dear Diary,

I guess you can say things have been very boring around here.

I mean, after Demetri ‘joined’, besides keeping an eye on him, nothing has been any different. We haven’t caught any new scents lately, so that means normal patrol times. I actually came back from patrol yesterday, and was going to spend it with Ness.

“Hm. I’ve never heard that one before.” I heard Ness say, as I walked through the woods to the Cullens’ back yard.

“Yes, it really is.” I heard a soft chuckle, and I saw Demetri sitting on a blanket next to Ness, who was giggling under his arm.

I mean, I like Demetri and all, but I felt those familiar emotions flood through me when I registered the scene in front of me. Jealousy and possessiveness. I muffled the growl coming up, and sauntered over to them. Demetri immediately removed his arm from her shoulder, and I glared.

“Hey, babe,” I said loudly, then I plopped down next to her, wrapping my arm lazily over her shoulder possessively. I looked up to see Demetri’s brow furrowed momentarily, but his face became expressionless within a second.

“Demetri.” I mumbled curtly, nodding my head in his direction. He nodded slightly, and got up.

“Well, I think I’ll go hunting now. Farewell, Renesmee. Jacob.” I watched him speed to the trees, and Ness slapped me on the arm after he was gone.

“Jake!” She scolded, and I held my hands up.

“What?” I asked, and she rolled her eyes.

“You know what, you big idiot! He’s new to this family, you need to be nice!” she said, and I frowned.

“He was all over you Ness, how could you not see it?” I asked her, and she sighed.

“Jake, really. You’re probably the only guy who would find me attractive. So, if I were you, I’d chill. Don’t worry. He had a wife, and he’s still not over her. In fact, that’s what we were discussing.” She told me snippily. I rubbed her arm.

“Ness, I may not be able to read minds, but every guy that sees you wants you. Sorry for being a bit protective with you,” I mumbled, looking down. I felt her small hand pull my face up to look at her. She was showing me images of her, and her with me, and the how she only wore a smile in the images with me.

“Jacob, don’t worry, okay?” She said, kissing me softly on the lips. I bit the inside of my cheek, and nodded slightly. She has such an effect on me.

By the time I finally relaxed, it was getting dark, so we decided to head in, before the wind got too cold. Ness went up to take a shower before bed, and I settled in on the couch. I still felt tension coursing through me, even though I shouldn’t worry, I still do.

“Stop worrying, you worry-wart.” I heard Alice say, breezing in the room.

“Hey, midget, I didn’t know you could read minds.” I said. She glared at me.

“Seeing the future has it’s advantages, mutt,” Alice shot back. I laughed, and she cracked a smile.

“But really, Jake. I might not be able to see you, but I see Ness. Nothing is going to happen, and you’ll be fine. Gosh, I thought Jazz was protective,” She said, laughing like a little wind chime. I nodded, and she pursed her lips.

“All that tension you’re putting on yourself will give you premature wrinkles, so I’d suggest you stop, Jakey.” I watched her flash out of the room before I could throw a couch pillow at her. I knew deep down Alice was right; not about the wrinkles, but the part about everything being okay, even when I don’t get all possessive. I mean, hey, it’s my natural instinct to feel jealousy when I see my imprint laughing with a single vampire. Demetri seems cool, but I feel a pang of anger towards him, so I know I’ll feel strained around him from now on.

Ness came down to say goodnight, her sweet pomegranate scent intensified by the shower, and we had a small make out session before she headed up to bed.

I left the Cullens’ a few minutes later, and made my way back to my house. Of course I didn’t sleep well, considering that even after all the talking I did on the situation, I still felt upset. I know I sound like a chick, being all emotional, but I can’t help but realize that this is going to happen, all the time. I also know I’m overreacting, because it’s not like he was kissing her or anything, but I feel like I should be the only one making her laugh like that. Does that sound creepy? Jeez, I know, I know, stop over thinking this. I feel like the emo leech, Jasper, with my emotions feeling like a roller coaster. I feel guilty for being mean to Demetri, but I feel anger to him that he was making moves on Ness. I feel sad that she cares for enough that I shouldn’t be mean to him, but I feel mad that she does at the same time.

But when I look at this from a different point of view, it really wasn’t much. I mean, Ness talked to Demetri. He’s living with the Cullens, so of course they’re going to talk. But the way he looked at her…I don’t know. I just don’t like it.

Then I remembered what the little pixie told me. Nothing is going to happen in the future, so I should be okay. As soon as I remembered that, I fell asleep, even though I slept with my muscles flexed.

I woke up to my phone ringing, and it was Sam.

“Hey, Jake.” I heard him say.

“What’s up, Sam?” I asked, sitting up.

“Well, I hope you don’t mind patrolling at a different time?” He asked.

“What time?” I questioned.

“In about an hour.” He told me.

“Damn, that means I can’t see Ness today.” I frowned.

“Well, Kim wanted to go look at flowers or something for the wedding, so she dragged Jared along with her. He was hoping you would cover,” Sam explained.

“Yeah, man. That’s fine,” I said, and I got up to find some cutoffs to pull on over my boxers.

“Jared was wondering if you could ask Edward if he would play the piano, or whatever the thing he plays at the wedding,” Sam said. I chuckled.

“Yeah it’s the piano, and I’m sure he will,” I told Sam. We discussed crap about Kim and Jared’s wedding for a minute, and he let me go.

By the time I had ate breakfast, it was about time for me to go patrol, so I texted Ness letting her know the plans.

I have to go now, I spent my remaining time writing in this little girly book.

- Jacob

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Making Deals

Dear Diary,

Ness and I have gotten even closer over time, as hard as it is to believe. She’s all I think about anymore. I am always yearning for her touch; her kiss. Patrolling is almost unbearable now, considering I’m not with Nessie at that time. I always have felt drawn to her, but it has unbelievably intensified over the course of two weeks. Her cream, silk skin, her big chocolate brown eyes, her plump, pink lips. Everything about her just makes her more lovable to me.

The funny thing though, is that I like her on the inside too. Not her just her looks. I love her intellectually. She’s so smart, and witty, I could talk to her for hours, and never get bored.

I might’ve felt a bit of this for Bella, but I didn’t know what love was at the time. I now know how Edward felt about Bella, and I hate that I gave him hell over our competition on who got to be with her. I mean, it was a dumbass move for him to leave that one time, but I can see now that he did it to protect her. Because he loves her. I never loved Bella that way. I love her as a friend of course, but I now know what true love is. True love is never being able to get that person out of your head. Eagerness to see them when you’re away. Smiling the whole time you’re with them. Knowing that the person loves you, and all of your flaws.

I finally am not the one without a person to love. When Bella chose Edward, not only did it shatter my heart, but it was embarrassing for the pack to know that I didn’t have a soul mate. Besides Leah, the rest of them were happy with their lives, apart from me. So, it’s refreshing to be happy for once. Edward does scowl half the time, but he’s loosened up a lot. Ness has also been hanging out with the other imprints lately. Kim, Emily, and Claire. They talk to her about how to deal with us being away, sometimes in danger. Besides that, Ness loves being my imprint.

“It makes me feel like…you’re mine. I don’t want to claw the eyes out of all the girls who check you out anymore, because you’re mine.” She admitted softly, when we were sitting next to a pond outside of the Cullens’ house. I rolled my eyes.

“Honey, they don’t even compete with you.” I told her firmly. She blushed.

“I really don’t know how you find me pretty. There are such prettier girls than me.” She frowned. I gaped at her, appalled at her judgement.

“You mean those girls, with make up caked on their faces, with stiff hair? How in the hell do you think they’re more beautiful than you? You must really not see yourself clearly…You’re stunning. Hell, I don’t see one man who doesn’t want to steal you right off the bat.” I said, my voice rising slightly. She rolled her eyes at me.

“I mean, besides the fact that I never get a pimple, and my skin glows in the sun, I’m not really that special…” She whispered. I gawked at her.

“Do you need glasses, Ness? I mean, really? You are so beautiful.” I told her, running the back of my hand down the smooth plane of her face. She leaned into my hand, and hummed lightly.

“Whatever you say, Jake.” She murmured. When she looked up at me, I stared at her eyes.

“I love your eyes. Not one girl I’ve seen has had such beautiful eyes.” I told her, my breath softly running over her face.

“Why? They’re just plain old brown.” She replied. Remind me to schedule her an appointment to the eye doctor’s office.

“Other girls’ eyes don’t shine like yours, nor are they an exact replica of milk chocolate, Nessie.” I stated simply.

“Well, I think yours are nicer.” She finalized, and I shook my head at her. She’s so adorable.

“I love you.” I whispered in her ear. She leaned on me, and laid her head on my shoulder.

“I love you too, Jakey.” She said, nibbling on my earlobe. I felt a rumble in my chest, not from the name she called me of course, but the nibbling on my earlobe part. Who knew that felt so damn good? I sure didn’t. My growl caused her to giggle, and I smiled back, placing feather light kisses on the corners of her mouth.

“You’re such a good kisser.” She mumbled, before pressing her lips against mine, with added pressure. I relished in the soft feeling of her lips, and let us both fall back against the sun-warmed grass.

Ness hummed lightly, and I ran my fingers through her soft, bronze waves, taking in the sweet smell of pomegranate that radiated off of her. Her hands roamed freely on my back, until I pulled away. Her eyebrows furrowed, and a frown formed on her flushed face.

“Di-did I do something wrong?” she asked.

“What? No, of course not. You did everything so right. That’s why we had to stop.” I explained quickly. She looked thoughtful, and continued to gaze at me confused.

“We can’t get carried away. I promised your father I would respect his wishes, and I can’t let this get out of hand.” I said. Like a light bulb went off in her head, her face changed into a look of understanding.

“Oh! Okay…I see now.” She said softly, and I nodded.

“Trust me, I don’t think you could do anything even close to wrong.” I said, and she blushed. I chuckled, and she blushed deeper.

“Well, you must have been practicing…You’re pretty fantastic at it yourself.” She said. I grinned.

“I know.” I said breezily. She rolled her eyes.

“You are so modest, Jake.” Her voice thick with sarcasm. I laughed again, and she joined me, her light laugh like a peal of bells, chiming softly. I fought the urge to kiss her, knowing Edward could be anywhere. Instead, I settled for laying back down on the soft grass, trying to keep my hormones in control.

After a few seconds, Ness scooted beside me, and started rubbing circles in the palm of my hand. I closed my eyes, letting her warm touch evade my thoughts. It felt nice, the familiar electric tingle from her touch running through my arm, but also very relaxing.

“I don’t like it when you have to go on patrol with the pack.” Ness said, breaking the silence. I opened my eyes, and looked at her.

“Why?” I questioned.

“Because, I miss you. Every time you leave, I feel so sad. I feel like I need you around all the time for me to feel happy. I’m considering getting a leash for you, so you can never leave.” She said, a smile tracing her lips at the last part. I nodded.

“Honey, you should know I feel the same. I guess it’s the way imprints are. I feel incomplete without you. But, how else can I protect you, if I don’t patrol?” I asked.

“Let the pack patrol without you. Then you can stay with me all the time.” She said. I smiled.

“I wish I could, but I like killing vampires too.” I said, softly mock-punching her shoulder. She rolled her eyes, and giggled.

“Well, you have to promise to see me whenever you’re not patrolling.” She said firmly.

“Deal.” I said, shaking her hand.

Thankfully, I now have an excuse to see her as much as possible. I’ll talk to you guys later.

- Jacob

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Making Peace

Dear Diary,

Bells really did come through for me. Well, as much as she could, anyway. Bella is very stubborn, but I’ve recently learned that so is Edward; on the subject of his daughter. Not that I wouldn’t be.

I slept easily that night, knowing that everything was almost at peace. Besides Edward hating the fact I imprinted on his daughter, that is. I mean, he can read my damn mind, can he not see that I love her? Or the fact that I would never hurt her. I know it sounds corny, but she completes me. I know that sounds like it would come off of a Hallmark card, but really. That’s pretty much the definition of the word imprint for us. Our soul mate. Nessie happens to be mine, and I want Edward to open his freaking eyes and see that.

When I went to the Cullens’ house today, I didn’t run into any of them, but I found Bella outside. She was playing around with this thing that you download books onto. She’s such a geek.

“Hey, Bells.” I said, easily taking a seat on one of their patio chairs.

“Hello, Jake. How are you? Did you heal up okay?” She asked, her brow slightly furrowing. I nodded.

“Yeah, it’s all better. How’s…Edward?” I whispered his name, wondering where he was. I wasn’t scared of him, but I wanted to ask Bella what happened after he left, without him overhearing. She rolled her eyes.

“He’s teaching Renesmee some song on the piano.” She told me. I breathed a quiet sigh.

“What’d he say?” I asked cautiously. She sighed.

“Well, of course he’s not happy about it, Jake.” She said.

“Duh, Bella. But…is he…okay with it?” I questioned. She thought for a moment, before nodding slowly.

“Yes, I guess you can say that. He doesn’t hate you right now. It’s been reduced to highly disliking you.” She stated.

“Like that’s new.” I muttered. She looked at me with sympathy.

“He’s going to let you have a relationship with her, but he needs time to adjust. I would advise to take it slow with her.” I sighed.

“Bells, you really think I wouldn’t? She’s practically only fifteen. I mean, really?” I asked, appalled.

“Don’t get mad. I know you wouldn’t do that. I was just saying.” She shrugged. I grimaced, and leaned back in the chair.

“Jake!” I heard a squeal, that sounded like a peal of bells. I glanced up, and saw Ness tackle me. I laughed, and wrapped my arms lightly around her for a second, and watched Edward walk outside stiffly, nodding in my direction. I nodded back, and he sat beside Bella; glaring at the ground. I let Ness move to a chair beside me, trying to make it more comfortable for Edward.

Edward, you know by now how much she means to me. I thought. Well, I screamed mentally. Edward winced, but then nodded.

Then why are you acting so upset? I thought, not so loudly. He shrugged.

“She’s almost everything to me.” I heard a soft whisper leave his mouth. I frowned, and willed him with my mind to look up.

“You don’t think I know this?” I asked him. He shrugged, and Bella got up, grabbing Nessie’s hand.

“Come on sweetheart, let’s go.” Bella said. Ness tried to protest, but Bella gave her stern a look. Ness stomped after Bella inside, and I turned my attention to Edward.

“Edward, I know you can read my thoughts, but I don’t think you get it. Nessie is my imprint. That means no matter what, I want her happy, healthy, and loved. I would do anything in my power to keep her safe, and protect her. She is the center of my universe, the only thing that truly matters to me. I love her with all of my being, and I would die for her. She is my one true love, or I guess you could say soul mate.” I said, without tripping over one word. Edward stared at me unwavering, and I stared back.

“I know, Jacob. But she is my little girl.” He whispered. I cleared my throat.

“I might not have kids, but I see that it is hard to let your child grow up. I know this is hard for you, but it had to happen sooner or later. Besides, she’s not completely grow up. She’s still your little girl, and I am positive she always will be.” I said, my voice clear, and strong. Edward sighed, and laid his head in his hands.

“It’s too hard for me too let go.” He murmured.

“Edward, I’m not asking for you to let go. You never have to let go. Just…loosen your hold a bit, and let her have room to grow.” I said. Edward looked at me through bleary eyes.

“You’re really thinking philosophically today, aren’t you?” he asked. I thought for a moment.

“No, I’m just saying what needs to be said.” I told him. Edward nodded.

“I never have actually hated you…I just hated the situations at the time. You’re actually a nice acquaintance.” He said. I rolled my eyes.

“Just say the word friend. And…ditto.” I answered. Edward chuckled, and it sounded slightly…relieved?

“Yes, Jacob. I feel relieved. I am relieved to have everything put behind us.” He said. I smiled.

“I’m glad too, Eddie.” I replied. He mock-glared at me.

“As long as you don’t call me ‘Eddie’.” He said, using finger quotations around the nickname. I laughed, and breathed deeply.

“Go on, Jacob. I know you’ve wanted to see her.” Edward said, gesturing to the door. I grinned, and made my way inside the house, and into the kitchen. It was vacant, which didn’t surprise me. With the only person who ate was Ness, it was rarely used. Esme knew better than to leave the fridge empty, though, and kept it fully stocked for my use. Esme rocked when it comes to food.

I grabbed a Coke, and some chips, and walked into the living room. Ness was in there with Bella, and they were watching some chick flick on the monstrous television that took up almost the whole wall. I sat at the end of the couch, and crunched on some chips, and gulped down some soda. Bella laughed at me, and excused her self, after giving me a knowing, but stern look. I rolled my eyes at her, and as soon as she left the room, Ness flashed over to my side, and cuddled into me.

“Mmm, I missed you.” She sighed. I smiled, my heart melting more and more as the seconds went by.

“I missed you too.” I whispered into her hair, smelling her pomegranate fragrance that I knew so well.

“Is my dad okay with…us?” She whispered. I grinned.

“He actually is.” I said. She turned to look at me, and smiled widely, her eyes sparkling. I lightly traced her jaw, and she leaned into me, softly touching my lips. This kiss was less rough, and erratic than our first. It was slow, and passionate, and I was glad that I was the one kissing her, instead of that tool. My skin tingled from wherever she touched, and I felt like I was slowly, melting into the sofa.

How in the hell did she get so good at kissing?

Pulling back for air, she gave me a wistful look, and kissed my nose.

“I love you.” She said breathlessly.

“I love you too, Renesmee.” She blushed, and I felt my heart skip a beat.

She caressed my cheek, and slowly turned around, so that she sat comfortably leaning against me.

Even now, writing this, my cheek is tingling from her touch, and my heart aches from being apart for the night.

That’s all for now. I’ll talk to you later,

-Jacob

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