(Jacob Black’s Diary) Permission

Dear Diary,

I was off of patrols yesterday, so of course I spent most of it with Ness. We went over to Leah’s house to rehearse places, and everything. Me and Ness would walk down the aisle and then separate and go to our places, yada, yada, yada.

It took about two hours to perfect everything; it was harder to do it because we were rehearsing in Leah’s backyard, not the pond behind the Cullens’ where the ceremony was going to be held. And, of course, we had to take extra time to explain it to Paul…it’s hard to get anything through his thick head.

When we finished, everyone ate some fried chicken, and then all scattered to go wherever the hell they felt like. Ness and I left, and I ended up having to drop her off at the mall where Alice was waiting. She didn’t want to go, since I was off patrol, but I still had tonight – and her and Alice had been planning this for a while.

So, Ness reluctantly left, but her face brightened when Alice started telling her about some D&G, or D&J sale. Whatever those over-priced designer’s call their ‘fashion lines’. The whole drive back to the Cullens’ house, Ness’s sweet pomegranate scent was still hanging in the air, making my mind slow down a bit. Taking a deep breath, I got out of the car, and went inside the Cullens’ mega mansion.

I’ve thought about it; I don’t want to wait until Ness’s next birthday. All this marriage stuff with Leah’s wedding, and me losing control in the car with Nessie made me realize that I want it sooner. I want to be tied to her in any way possible, and I want to be her husband so bad it’s weirding me out a bit. The bond that I feel with her…it’s so damn indescribable. I feel so many emotions with her. She makes me feel happy, sad, scared, sensitive, loved. It’s a whirlwind of feelings, and it’s pretty confusing.

When I walked in the Cullens’, I knew then that this would be the only time I would get to talk to Edward, without anyone overhearing. So, I walked in with confidence, though it was fake. On the inside, I was scared as hell. Do you know what it feels like, asking an overprotective vampire father to have his daughter’s hand in marriage? Yeah, pretty frigging scary.

I took three deep breaths, and walked in the house, trying not to fidget. Esme was cooking, and smiled at me from the kitchen before I found Edward sitting on the couch with Bella.

“Uh, hi, Edward.” I rushed the words out. Edward looked up, his brows furrowed in confusion, and I tried my best not to think about what I was going to ask him.

“Hello, Jacob. Is there anything you need?” he asked, clearly trying to dig around in my head. I nodded.

“I was wondering if we could, um, take a walk? So we can talk,” I said, my voice cracking at the end. Edward got a curious glint in his eye, and Bella was biting her lip, confused.

“Yes, of course,” he answered.  ”I’ll be back soon, love,” he told Bella, and stood up easily from the leather couch. I rocked back on my heels, and shoved my hands in the pockets of my jeans. Edward walked beside me to the door, and followed me outside.

Once we made it to the crisp air, I breathed deeply, and Edward watched me.

“What is it, Jacob?” he asked, sounding concerned. I bit the inside of my cheek, and looked at him, straight in the eyes.

“Well…I almost went too far with Ness the other day,” I said, and his eyes tightened the slightest.

“Yes, I actually heard her thoughts when I came back from hunting. But, you guys stopped yourselves, so it’s none of my business – and it’s not my place to punish either of you,” he said softly, and I nodded.

“Well, see, I had a plan. I was going to wait until her next birthday, but I’ve decided I want to do this sooner,” I said, and breathed through my nose, when the snow started falling again slowly. Edward waited for me to continue.

“I want to ask her to marry me.” The words tumbled out of my mouth jumbled and fast. Edward’s face turned to understanding, a glint of anger, and then acceptance.

“And, how soon are you planning on asking her, Jacob?” he asked, his voice impassive. I took another deep breath.

Well, I was thinking around March…I know how much Ness loves spring, and I was thinking the wedding could be in May…?” I said nervously. Edward nodded, and looked down for a minute.

“Well, Jacob, I don’t want my baby girl to grow up…but, she has, sooner than I would have liked, but there’s no stopping it. She’ll be matured soon enough, and I saw this coming. As hard as it is for me, I give you my permission to propose,” he said, looking back up and directly into my eyes. I nodded, and smiled.

“I love her so much, Edward. I promise you, I will never mess it up.” I over-pronounced each word, looking at Edward straight on.

“I know, Jacob. I can see it, I can hear it,” he admitted, pointing to his head. “But, if you ever do anything close to hurting her…you’ll be patrolling in a wheelchair.” I laughed. He joined in, and then clapped me on the back.

“You’re a good kid, Jacob. I’m glad that you imprinted on her…I mean, I find the whole process beautiful, and I know that the connection is so deep that I can trust you with her,” Edward added. The look on his face wasn’t happy, but at least it wasn’t angry. Relief flooded through me, and I smiled the whole walk back.

Once we were inside, Edward went to play the piano and I walked into the kitchen, relief still strongly radiating through me the whole time. I sniffed the air, and my grin grew even wider. Esme made some of her amazing beef stew. That stuff is so damn good, I can eat a whole pot of it.

On the counter I found a humongous container full of it and it had a little sticky note with my name on it, stuck on the top. I grabbed a coke, and a spoon and wolfed down half of the stew. I was gonna keep the rest for later.

I heard a car come up the drive and I knew it was Alice and Nessie, so I put my spoon in the sink and made my way to the garage to greet them. Esme was hanging a picture, so I hugged and kissed her cheek on the way to the door leading out to the six car garage connected to the house. She smiled at me, and I walked out to the garage. I stood off to the side, and the door started opening automatically. Alice’s purple Nissan 350z pulled in smoothly, and the engine turned off quietly.

I waited for Ness to get out, and she sprinted over to me, and jumped up on me, wrapping her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist.

“Hey, Jake!” she said, then kissed my cheek softly. I smiled at her.

“Alice? Did you give her one of those twenty dollar coffees again?” I asked, and Alice grinned then shook her head.

“Jake, I’m just excited to see you! I missed you,” Ness said, kissing me quickly, before jumping down.

“I missed you too, honey,” I said, stroking the side of her face slowly.

“We bought some great clothes, didn’t we Ali?” Ness said, turning to watch Alice closing the trunk of her car. She had about forty bags on her arms.

“Yes! Yes we did! I can’t believe I forgot all about the sale they were having at Jimmy Choos! Thankfully, all the good heels weren’t gone,” Alice sung, grinning mischievously, skipping back inside as if she wasn’t carrying an extra one hundred and fifty pounds. I rolled my eyes and Ness grabbed my hand.

“So, what did you do while I was gone?” Nessie asked, her eyes probing my face curiously.

“I hung out with your dad, and then ate a bucket of Esme’s awesome beef stew,” I said, proud of myself for such quick thinking.

“You hung out with my dad?” She asked, her face turning incredulous.

“Yeah, we watched some television and stuff,” I answered, fidgeting. Ness nodded, but still looked skeptical. Thankfully, she shrugged it off and we walked inside the house, hand in hand.

The rest of the day passed, and me and Ness watched movies, played games, and talked. I’ve never related to someone so well. I was glad I didn’t have patrols today, because I’ve learned that there is nowhere in the world that I would rather be than with Nessie. I’m feeling a lot more confident about the decision I made to propose earlier than I had planned. I love her. So much. And I don’t want to wait. I want to be the man called her husband. I want to make her breakfast in bed, and spend every second of the day with her. And now that Edward ‘approves’, I don’t feel scared about anything anymore.

I went home in a dreamy state, and smiled the whole time I took a shower. I’m pretty sure I slept the whole night with a huge grin on my face.

Well, I’m leaving now. I have patrol in about two hours, and I want to spend some more time with my future wife.

- Jacob

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I know that this entry didn’t have any steamy makeout scenes, and whatnot, but this was a filler, and it needed to be posted for the story to be the same. Thanks for reading, and I promise steamy entries are in the soon future! :)



(Jacob’s Diary) Christmas Day

Dear Diary,

It’s Christmas day, well now it’s evening, but I’m talking about earlier.

Anyway, when I woke up at the crack of dawn, I had those damn butterflies bothering the hell out of me by flying around in my stomach. The feeling of nervousness annoys the crap out of me.

Last night, I spent about an hour wrapping Ness’s gift. I put it in a box, wrapped it, and then put a bow on it. It took a few tries.

When I was satisfied, I tucked it away with my outfit I had set out. I know, I know, setting out an outfit? Really Jake? Nervousness made me want to look nice, so I set out a lame outfit to wear.

When I had everything ready for tomorrow, I showered, and went to bed. Well, I spent the first couple of hours in a restless state, tossing and turning until I got half of the nervousness pushed out of my mind momentarily. Me being me, once I fell asleep, I was out.

Normally I sleep like the dead, but it was Christmas, and my subconscious must have known, since it woke me up around six in the morning. I muttered at myself on the way to the shower, and was still cursing when I was dressing, wishing I could’ve gotten more than just a wink of sleep, considering I have to patrol after the festivities and whatnot.

“Damn,” I muttered, yawning loudly, pulling my lame sweater over my head. I’m only wearing it because Ness insisted, and my weakness for her won’t let me deny her of anything. When I had the cream sweater on, I pulled on my black jeans, and leather shoes. Glancing at the mirror, I flexed my biceps a little, and I must say, I clean up very nicely. Humming in approval, I put a dab of gel in my hair, dragged my body over to my dresser, and picked up Ness’s gift – before opening my door to the blizzard of snow.

I stomped through the foot deep snow quickly, not wanting to mess up my leather shoes, and trudged to their merry door, donning a wreath and framed with garlands. I have to remind myself sometimes that they are blood drinking monsters, but I never can get myself to believe it. After getting to know each and every one of them, and bonding with them, I realize they’re not monsters. They’re as close to real people as you can get, with great personalities, and you get used to the smell after a while. After ringing the doorbell, it opened a nanosecond later, to reveal a smiling Esme, wearing a Christmas sweater, and little jingle bell earrings.

“Jacob! Good morning! You’re up early!” She exclaimed, shuffling me inside.

“You know better than to knock! Family doesn’t knock, you know,” She rambled, helping me get my coat off. I smiled at her, and hugged her small cold body. She seems more like my mother every time I see her. She patted my back sweetly, and released me with her eyes sparkling.

“I made all sorts of cookies. Are the rest of the pack attending?” She asked, walking into the kitchen, and I followed her, nodding at Jasper, who was sharing a game of chess with Carlisle. They get more and more dorky as the days go on.

Jasper smirked at me, obviously feeling my emotions, and Carlisle grinned at me before I let my eyes feast upon all the cookies and treats that Esme put together. I walked into the kitchen, and realized it was covered with food, cookies, and candy. Reason number two why I love the holidays with the Cullens. My mouth started watering, and Esme laughed at my expression.

“Um, I think Sam and Jared are covering for half and then Paul and Embry the other half, so yeah. This food will not be here for long,” I said, shoving a peppermint cupcake into my mouth. Moaning at the pure ecstasy, I saw Ness come down the stairs, yawning adorably, before her eyes found mine.

“Well, if it doesn’t get eaten, I’ll take it down to the soup kitchen on main street, along with the dinner I already made to take down there,” She said, and I nodded absently, still staring at Ness.

How this woman can still look beautiful after just waking up amazes me. She wore navy sweatpants, and a striped red and white knit sweater. Her hair was slightly mussed, and made me realize I now find the ‘Bed-Head’ look extremely attractive. She hugged me tightly before sitting on the only available counter space left in the kitchen. I kissed her lips softly, and she smiled when I pulled away.

“Mmm, you taste like peppermints,” She said, biting her lip. I grinned, and she took a huge gulp of eggnog that Esme sat beside her before leaving to go find something to put the food for the soup kitchen in.

“I love this stuff. Some of the only human food I like,” She said, sipping it some more. I scrunched my nose up, and grabbed a root beer out of the fridge.

“It’s disgusting,” I said, and she rolled her eyes.

“I bet it tastes good on my lips,” She said, her eyelids turning heavy. I stood there dumbly, and she eventually pulled me towards her, wrapping her legs around my waist, and smashing her lips against mine.

She was right; eggnog does taste good against her lips. She dove her tongue through my lips, and I suppressed a growl, and allowed our tongues to dance. She moaned in response, and tried to deepen the kiss, when I had the first coherent thought since seeing her this morning.

“Ness, we’re in the kitchen. We can do this later,” I said, pulling away slightly, avoiding her look of disappointment. I disentangled myself, and smiled when I saw her socks.

“Dancing elves?” I asked, pointing at her toe socks. She blushed.

“What? They’re cute,” She said defensively. I kissed her forehead, and she jumped down. She grabbed my hand, and grabbed her mug of warm eggnog in the other, and we walked into the warm living room. There was a fire in the vast fireplace, and there was a soft tinkling of Christmas carols coming from their stereo. It looked the same as yesterday, same decorations, but the feel was different. It felt even warmer and welcoming, if that’s possible.

Carlisle and Jasper were still playing chess, and Rosalie and Alice were situating the gifts under the tree to where they resembled a picture out of a catalog, and I rolled my eyes. It’s not like the paper’s not going to be ripped off in the next couple of hours. Ness sat down on the long leather couch, and I joined her, letting her snuggle into my embrace.

I noticed that the Cullens’ had gotten me, and the pack some gifts too, and my heart warmed. They have become my family, and I wouldn’t imagine spending the holidays with anyone else…except for Emmett maybe. He thundered down the stairs, singing ‘Silent Night’ boisterously, and hit the high notes with perfection, but it still didn’t sound pleasing.

“All is calm! All is br-” I cut him off.

“Jeez, Em! Put a cap in it!” I yelled, and he frowned.

“Way to ruin the spirit, bro.” He said, and I just smiled at him. Rosalie  smiled at him too, and said something about letting him sing all he wants later. Ugh.

Esme soon came into the living room, and Edward and Bella followed shortly after.

“Do you know when Paul and Embry will be here?” She asked, and I shook my head. They didn’t tell me, but it wouldn’t be long, they knew that Esme would be cooking. Everyone snuggled up together, and talked together, reminiscing in memories, waiting for Paul and Embry to join us.

They finally busted through the door half an hour later, making straight for the kitchen. Esme bustled in there to make them plates filled with the food, starting them off with half a roast each, and mashed potatoes for both of them. They sat in arm chairs in the living room, and started shoveling it down their throats, with a muffled ‘thanks’ to Esme, and a ‘Hello’ and ‘Merry Christmas’ to us through mouthfuls of food.

When they finished, Esme and Alice started handing out gifts from under the tree, one by one. I had put everyone but Nessie’s gifts under there yesterday, and everyone got their gifts from me first. I made a wooden football holder for Emmett, which he accepted happily. I got Rosalie an antique mirror from a yard sale, but it was beautiful, and big, so I thought I should give it to her. If she’s going to be conceited, might as well let her embrace it. Edward snorted when he heard that thought, and then he got his gift from me. I got him a ‘20 Q’. It asks you yes or no questions, and after twenty questions, it knows what you’re thinking about. He rolled his eyes, and gave me a stiff hug before sitting back with Bella.

I got Bella a First Edition of Bram Stoker’s Dracula, and she laughed at first, but was excited because it was signed by Bram Stoker. I got Alice a ‘Nail Dryer’, and Jasper a mood ring. They all loved the gifts, probably because half of them came with a pun. I got Esme a new apron that said, ‘Bite Me, I taste Good’ with fangs and a pie on it. Carlisle graciously accepted my ‘Operation’ game, and was excited to try it out. I had given the pack their gifts early, so I was done giving out my gifts, for now at least.

Throughout the day, I received all sorts of gifts from everyone, an iPod touch from Edward, a Kindle from Bella, though I won’t use it. A laser tag game from Emmett; and he made me promise to play with him. Rosalie gave me a shaving kit, and Alice gave me a Gift Certificate for Armani. Esme and Carlisle gave me a new HD television, and Jasper gave me a Civil War book about guns. Embry and Paul gave me Frat shirt that said ‘Supposed to be Alpha’ on it. By the time it got to everyone giving and receiving gifts to end, Ness took me into the den so we could give each other our presents. Everyone was outside having a snowball fight, so we could do this alone, and have it be special.

“If you don’t like it, I would completely understand,” Ness blurted, and I rolled my eyes.

“I know I’ll like it,” I told her, handing her my present. She grabbed it tenderly, and smiled when she saw that I messed up a couple of times.

When she tore of the paper, she lifted the lid to the cardboard box I put it in, and pulled it out. I gauged her reaction, and watched as her eyes got glassy, and her cheeks flushed.

“It’s so beautiful.” Her voice was soft.

“It kinda is to show that, you’re pretty much like my sun, and yeah,” I rushed the words out, and she pursed her lips.

“I love it. This means so much to me,” she said, and a tear rolled down the apple of her cheek. I wiped it away with the pads of my thumbs, and kissed her.

“I’m glad you like it,” I whispered. She then reached to the couch, and grabbed a perfectly wrapped box about the size of my hand. She handed it to me, and I gingerly opened it, eager to see what was in it. When I opened it, I saw a leather chain, and at the bottom was a circle with a intricate design engraved on the outside. I saw it was a locket, and opened it to see a picture of us, laughing, unknowing that a picture was being taken. The locket itself was the size of a fifty cent piece, and was a shining sterling silver.

“The chain is this leather that stretches up to five feet, so you can wear it, and when you phase it’ll still be on there, and it has a grip so it won’t fall off,” Nessie rambled nervously. I rubbed my thumb over the giant circular locket.

“Ness, this is…perfect,” I said, and she hugged me tightly, causing me to have to sit the necklace on the couch.

“I love you so much, Jake,” she mumbled into my neck. I squeezed her.

“I love you so much, too,” I said, and she kissed my cheek.

To say that Christmas was good is an understatement. Christmas was great. After me and Ness exchanged gifts in the den, we joined the others outside, and played in the snow until we were all soaked to the bone, and came in to warm up by the fire with hot chocolate and eggnog. Sam and Jared came afterwards, and Paul and Embry left reluctantly, heading to Leah and Louis’s house for a few minutes before patrol.

So, around nine, I left to go home so I could have a few minutes to write in my little girly diary, before I had to go out to patrol.

Well, I gotta go. I’ll talk to you guys later.

- Jacob

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Jacob’s Diary: Frustration

Dear Diary,

Christmas is tomorrow, so Esme is blurring around the Cullens’ place like a mad woman. Just like any other holiday, the Cullen-s  well, Alice and Esme, freak out, and spend small fortunes to decorate and celebrate. I, on the other hand, might get a small tree, and a wreath to put on the door. But that’s because I’m too lazy to do anything else.

I’ve spent today patrolling so I can have tomorrow off, and finally got in from hours of trudging trough soggy snow. The snow is great, but my body heat melts it quickly, and makes it as though I’m constantly walking through a slushy snow cone.

When I got back home from patrols, it wasn’t late, so I took off my boots at the door, and walked to the bathroom, melted snow dripping from my hair and clothes. This snow is starting to get annoying. I hate doing laundry, and I constantly have to wash my clothes because the snow soaks them and makes them mildew. Of course, Emmett decided to give me advice, and told me to suck it up, be a man, because it’ll be snowing a lot here. But then again, Emmett doesn’t have to do his own laundry. If he actually wears something more than once, Esme washes them for him. What a momma’s boy.

I turned the water in the shower on, and peeled my wet clothes that were clinging to my body off. I threw them to the corner of the bathroom, and they landed against the tile with a smack. When the shower’s hot steam fogged up the mirror, and I climbed in the hot water. My body barely registered the heat, because though I can feel temperatures, they don’t really effect me.

My mind was elsewhere, at the time though, the nervousness of presents and whatnot nagging at me.

For Christmas, Ness and I would always give each other gifts that we made, not store bought things. I actually buy gifts for some, but most I make, because I’m a cheap guy. I don’t make Ness’s gifts because I’m cheap though, I make them because I want them to mean something. I can’t give her a pair of shoes, or a purse, to show her how much I love her. You can only do that with Alice.

So, this year I had made Ness a wooden sculpture. It’s a wolf, howling at the sun, not the moon. The wolf has a look of awe in it’s face, and the sun is done with intricate rays formed from the center. It wouldn’t be useful or anything, but I feel that it has a lot of meaning.

She’s my sun. She’s what I revolve around.

It was probably the best gift I’ve made her. Since my dad taught me how to shape wood with a knife, I can make her nice things that are special, and cool looking.

I’ve spent about three months on this one, and it’s taken a lot of patience, and concentration. I’m proud of myself though, because it’s more extravagant than other homemade gifts, like macaroni necklaces. She would probably sit it on her bedside table next to the framed picture of us, taken before the confrontation with the Volturi.

I know she’ll like it, but there’s always that gnawing feeling that there will be a reason for her not to like it. I let myself lean against the shower wall, letting the steam engulf me in a warm blanket.

When the hot water turned to warm, and I decided to get out before I fell asleep.

Stumbling out of the shower, I hurriedly dried off, and pulled on some thick jeans and a long sleeved thermal, ready to see my Nessie again.

Once I had pulled on my boots and a hat to keep my hair dry, I swung open the door of my house, and started walking briskly down the road to the Cullens’ place. Their house was covered in those sissy twinkling lights, and giant candy canes lined the sidewalk, while there was a Santa’s sleigh, and reindeer in their front yard. When I opened the front door, the smell of cinnamon and peppermint filled my nose. Yep, Esme’s cooking cookies and treats. Another reason I love the holidays.

The whole family was sitting in the living room, the fire crackling, and the huge television was playing the movie ‘Elf’ with Will Ferrell.

Once I put up my coat and shoes, I plopped down next to Ness.

She kissed my cheek causing Edward to roll his eyes. Ignoring him, I glanced around the warm, decorated room. The Cullens’ house had high ceilings, so of course they would get a ten foot tall Christmas tree. It was decorated with expensive looking ornaments, and it was topped with a huge crystal star. I scoffed at the tree, and how overly fancy it was. Nobody noticed, so I didn’t have to worry about it insulting Esme. That would risk her to stop baking cookies for me. I can’t live without her Christmas cookies. Edward put in another eye roll, and I once again, ignored him. This mortal enemy crap went down the drain after I imprinted on Ness, and though we still annoy each other to no end, he’s kinda like a brother. An annoying, know-it-all brother. At that thought, the corner of Edward’s mouth lifted, and he glanced at me. I shrugged at him, and that got Ness’s attention.

“What is it?” She asked, and I grinned, shaking my head.

“Nothing,” I told her, and she pursed her lips, but turned back to the screen after I kissed her forehead. I have to admit, the movie was pretty interesting, but I had to leave the room when Sam called me.

“I’m going to go tonight, and keep an eye on these nomads,” he told me through the phone. I furrowed my eyebrows.

“Why? They aren’t murdering the whole town are they?” I asked, and Sam sighed.

“Well, I’m not sure, but they seem suspicious,” he said, and I frowned.

“I still have tomorrow off right?” I asked, worried I wouldn’t be able to spend time with Ness.

“Yes, of course. Can you come in around ten, though?” Sam questioned, causing me to sigh.

“Sure, sure.” I said, and Sam laughed.

“Way to be a good sport,” he replied, his voice full of sarcasm. I chuckled, and said my goodbyes, eager to get back in Ness’s warm embrace. The movie credits were rolling when I came back, and everyone was scattering.

I saw that Nessie was still sitting on the couch, so I sat down next to her.

“Was that Sam?” She asked, and I nodded.

“Yeah, he was just discussing patrols,” I told her.

“You’re still off tomorrow, right?” She pried, a look of worry on her face. I nodded.

“Of course, but I’ll have to leave at about eight tomorrow night,” I said, and she smiled.

“Well, at least we have the day together,” She said, and I kissed her softly, now that we were away from Edward’s laser beam glare.

Her mouth tasted of her natural pomegranate taste, with a mixture of cinnamon. I pulled away, though my body screamed to keep going, I don’t want to get carried away with people so close around.

When our lips separated, her face pulled into an adorable pout, causing me to chuckle and envelope her in my arms, letting her lay down curled into my side.

“Jake?” She asked tentatively. I looked at her, letting her continue.

“I know you probably have a present for me already, but I want something, that I know you can give me,” She said, taking a deep breath. This woman confuses me.

I looked at her confused. She rolled her eyes, and pressed her hand firmly against my cheek, and images shot through my mind of me and Ness. We were kissing, and things started getting heated, and clothes were being taken off. I gasped.

“Ness, your dad is-” She cut me off.

“Relax, jeez!” She groaned, annoyed. “I asked my mom to shield my thoughts earlier,” She said, and I looked away.

“Ness, we can’t. We’re not ready, just wait. When we’re both ready, it’ll be perfect,” I rambled, avoiding her eyes, that were boring holes into my head.

“Jake, I’m tired of waiting! We are ready! It will be perfect!” She yelled, and I cringed, knowing that there were people in the house, all of which had superhuman hearing.

“Ness, you’re not ready. I’m not. It would be a messy, painful process, but if we wait, it will be perfect.” I said, staring into her eyes. I knew after Carlisle told me about her starting her period a year ago, her hormones would be raging, but I didn’t think it would be this bad.

“Whatever,” She said, and stomped upstairs. Groaning, I put my head in my hands. I had our whole life planned out, perfectly, but I don’t want one thing to get in the way. Trust me, I want it just as bad as she does, but I also want to get married, have half werewolf, a fourth human, and a fourth vampire babies. If that’s possible. Our first time shouldn’t be like this. It should be fun, and carefree. I will pull my hair out if she pressures me again.

“Jeez, mutt. You’re stressing me out. What has you all upset?” I heard, and I looked up to see Jasper, the dude that’s like a box of emotions on legs.

“You don’t want to know,” I said lowly, and Jasper laughed.

“Ah, you can go up there now. She’s calmed down a bit,” He said, gesturing upstairs, and I nodded thankfully to him, before climbing the winding staircase, and down the hall to Ness’s room. She opened the door right as I got there, and jumped in surprise.

“I was just coming to talk to you,” She said, discreetly wiping her nose. The rims of her eyes were red, and her face was flushed.

“Aw, Ness,” I said, pulling her into my arms.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to be all stupid and irritated. I know you’re right,” She said, muffled by my chest.

“It’s okay, we all can get angry at times,” I said, and she pulled away slightly to kiss my cheek.

“I love you, so much,” She said, and I grinned.

“I love you so much, too,” I told her, and she giggled.

The rest of the evening consisted of cookies, kisses, and Emmett yelling Christmas carols. I guess from the outside, we all look like a very big, weird, dysfunctional family.

I’m going to get some rest now, I have to get up bright and early for presents.

- Jacob

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Dear Diary,

I guess you can say things have been very boring around here.

I mean, after Demetri ‘joined’, besides keeping an eye on him, nothing has been any different. We haven’t caught any new scents lately, so that means normal patrol times. I actually came back from patrol yesterday, and was going to spend it with Ness.

“Hm. I’ve never heard that one before.” I heard Ness say, as I walked through the woods to the Cullens’ back yard.

“Yes, it really is.” I heard a soft chuckle, and I saw Demetri sitting on a blanket next to Ness, who was giggling under his arm.

I mean, I like Demetri and all, but I felt those familiar emotions flood through me when I registered the scene in front of me. Jealousy and possessiveness. I muffled the growl coming up, and sauntered over to them. Demetri immediately removed his arm from her shoulder, and I glared.

“Hey, babe,” I said loudly, then I plopped down next to her, wrapping my arm lazily over her shoulder possessively. I looked up to see Demetri’s brow furrowed momentarily, but his face became expressionless within a second.

“Demetri.” I mumbled curtly, nodding my head in his direction. He nodded slightly, and got up.

“Well, I think I’ll go hunting now. Farewell, Renesmee. Jacob.” I watched him speed to the trees, and Ness slapped me on the arm after he was gone.

“Jake!” She scolded, and I held my hands up.

“What?” I asked, and she rolled her eyes.

“You know what, you big idiot! He’s new to this family, you need to be nice!” she said, and I frowned.

“He was all over you Ness, how could you not see it?” I asked her, and she sighed.

“Jake, really. You’re probably the only guy who would find me attractive. So, if I were you, I’d chill. Don’t worry. He had a wife, and he’s still not over her. In fact, that’s what we were discussing.” She told me snippily. I rubbed her arm.

“Ness, I may not be able to read minds, but every guy that sees you wants you. Sorry for being a bit protective with you,” I mumbled, looking down. I felt her small hand pull my face up to look at her. She was showing me images of her, and her with me, and the how she only wore a smile in the images with me.

“Jacob, don’t worry, okay?” She said, kissing me softly on the lips. I bit the inside of my cheek, and nodded slightly. She has such an effect on me.

By the time I finally relaxed, it was getting dark, so we decided to head in, before the wind got too cold. Ness went up to take a shower before bed, and I settled in on the couch. I still felt tension coursing through me, even though I shouldn’t worry, I still do.

“Stop worrying, you worry-wart.” I heard Alice say, breezing in the room.

“Hey, midget, I didn’t know you could read minds.” I said. She glared at me.

“Seeing the future has it’s advantages, mutt,” Alice shot back. I laughed, and she cracked a smile.

“But really, Jake. I might not be able to see you, but I see Ness. Nothing is going to happen, and you’ll be fine. Gosh, I thought Jazz was protective,” She said, laughing like a little wind chime. I nodded, and she pursed her lips.

“All that tension you’re putting on yourself will give you premature wrinkles, so I’d suggest you stop, Jakey.” I watched her flash out of the room before I could throw a couch pillow at her. I knew deep down Alice was right; not about the wrinkles, but the part about everything being okay, even when I don’t get all possessive. I mean, hey, it’s my natural instinct to feel jealousy when I see my imprint laughing with a single vampire. Demetri seems cool, but I feel a pang of anger towards him, so I know I’ll feel strained around him from now on.

Ness came down to say goodnight, her sweet pomegranate scent intensified by the shower, and we had a small make out session before she headed up to bed.

I left the Cullens’ a few minutes later, and made my way back to my house. Of course I didn’t sleep well, considering that even after all the talking I did on the situation, I still felt upset. I know I sound like a chick, being all emotional, but I can’t help but realize that this is going to happen, all the time. I also know I’m overreacting, because it’s not like he was kissing her or anything, but I feel like I should be the only one making her laugh like that. Does that sound creepy? Jeez, I know, I know, stop over thinking this. I feel like the emo leech, Jasper, with my emotions feeling like a roller coaster. I feel guilty for being mean to Demetri, but I feel anger to him that he was making moves on Ness. I feel sad that she cares for enough that I shouldn’t be mean to him, but I feel mad that she does at the same time.

But when I look at this from a different point of view, it really wasn’t much. I mean, Ness talked to Demetri. He’s living with the Cullens, so of course they’re going to talk. But the way he looked at her…I don’t know. I just don’t like it.

Then I remembered what the little pixie told me. Nothing is going to happen in the future, so I should be okay. As soon as I remembered that, I fell asleep, even though I slept with my muscles flexed.

I woke up to my phone ringing, and it was Sam.

“Hey, Jake.” I heard him say.

“What’s up, Sam?” I asked, sitting up.

“Well, I hope you don’t mind patrolling at a different time?” He asked.

“What time?” I questioned.

“In about an hour.” He told me.

“Damn, that means I can’t see Ness today.” I frowned.

“Well, Kim wanted to go look at flowers or something for the wedding, so she dragged Jared along with her. He was hoping you would cover,” Sam explained.

“Yeah, man. That’s fine,” I said, and I got up to find some cutoffs to pull on over my boxers.

“Jared was wondering if you could ask Edward if he would play the piano, or whatever the thing he plays at the wedding,” Sam said. I chuckled.

“Yeah it’s the piano, and I’m sure he will,” I told Sam. We discussed crap about Kim and Jared’s wedding for a minute, and he let me go.

By the time I had ate breakfast, it was about time for me to go patrol, so I texted Ness letting her know the plans.

I have to go now, I spent my remaining time writing in this little girly book.

- Jacob

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Making Peace

Dear Diary,

Bells really did come through for me. Well, as much as she could, anyway. Bella is very stubborn, but I’ve recently learned that so is Edward; on the subject of his daughter. Not that I wouldn’t be.

I slept easily that night, knowing that everything was almost at peace. Besides Edward hating the fact I imprinted on his daughter, that is. I mean, he can read my damn mind, can he not see that I love her? Or the fact that I would never hurt her. I know it sounds corny, but she completes me. I know that sounds like it would come off of a Hallmark card, but really. That’s pretty much the definition of the word imprint for us. Our soul mate. Nessie happens to be mine, and I want Edward to open his freaking eyes and see that.

When I went to the Cullens’ house today, I didn’t run into any of them, but I found Bella outside. She was playing around with this thing that you download books onto. She’s such a geek.

“Hey, Bells.” I said, easily taking a seat on one of their patio chairs.

“Hello, Jake. How are you? Did you heal up okay?” She asked, her brow slightly furrowing. I nodded.

“Yeah, it’s all better. How’s…Edward?” I whispered his name, wondering where he was. I wasn’t scared of him, but I wanted to ask Bella what happened after he left, without him overhearing. She rolled her eyes.

“He’s teaching Renesmee some song on the piano.” She told me. I breathed a quiet sigh.

“What’d he say?” I asked cautiously. She sighed.

“Well, of course he’s not happy about it, Jake.” She said.

“Duh, Bella. But…is he…okay with it?” I questioned. She thought for a moment, before nodding slowly.

“Yes, I guess you can say that. He doesn’t hate you right now. It’s been reduced to highly disliking you.” She stated.

“Like that’s new.” I muttered. She looked at me with sympathy.

“He’s going to let you have a relationship with her, but he needs time to adjust. I would advise to take it slow with her.” I sighed.

“Bells, you really think I wouldn’t? She’s practically only fifteen. I mean, really?” I asked, appalled.

“Don’t get mad. I know you wouldn’t do that. I was just saying.” She shrugged. I grimaced, and leaned back in the chair.

“Jake!” I heard a squeal, that sounded like a peal of bells. I glanced up, and saw Ness tackle me. I laughed, and wrapped my arms lightly around her for a second, and watched Edward walk outside stiffly, nodding in my direction. I nodded back, and he sat beside Bella; glaring at the ground. I let Ness move to a chair beside me, trying to make it more comfortable for Edward.

Edward, you know by now how much she means to me. I thought. Well, I screamed mentally. Edward winced, but then nodded.

Then why are you acting so upset? I thought, not so loudly. He shrugged.

“She’s almost everything to me.” I heard a soft whisper leave his mouth. I frowned, and willed him with my mind to look up.

“You don’t think I know this?” I asked him. He shrugged, and Bella got up, grabbing Nessie’s hand.

“Come on sweetheart, let’s go.” Bella said. Ness tried to protest, but Bella gave her stern a look. Ness stomped after Bella inside, and I turned my attention to Edward.

“Edward, I know you can read my thoughts, but I don’t think you get it. Nessie is my imprint. That means no matter what, I want her happy, healthy, and loved. I would do anything in my power to keep her safe, and protect her. She is the center of my universe, the only thing that truly matters to me. I love her with all of my being, and I would die for her. She is my one true love, or I guess you could say soul mate.” I said, without tripping over one word. Edward stared at me unwavering, and I stared back.

“I know, Jacob. But she is my little girl.” He whispered. I cleared my throat.

“I might not have kids, but I see that it is hard to let your child grow up. I know this is hard for you, but it had to happen sooner or later. Besides, she’s not completely grow up. She’s still your little girl, and I am positive she always will be.” I said, my voice clear, and strong. Edward sighed, and laid his head in his hands.

“It’s too hard for me too let go.” He murmured.

“Edward, I’m not asking for you to let go. You never have to let go. Just…loosen your hold a bit, and let her have room to grow.” I said. Edward looked at me through bleary eyes.

“You’re really thinking philosophically today, aren’t you?” he asked. I thought for a moment.

“No, I’m just saying what needs to be said.” I told him. Edward nodded.

“I never have actually hated you…I just hated the situations at the time. You’re actually a nice acquaintance.” He said. I rolled my eyes.

“Just say the word friend. And…ditto.” I answered. Edward chuckled, and it sounded slightly…relieved?

“Yes, Jacob. I feel relieved. I am relieved to have everything put behind us.” He said. I smiled.

“I’m glad too, Eddie.” I replied. He mock-glared at me.

“As long as you don’t call me ‘Eddie’.” He said, using finger quotations around the nickname. I laughed, and breathed deeply.

“Go on, Jacob. I know you’ve wanted to see her.” Edward said, gesturing to the door. I grinned, and made my way inside the house, and into the kitchen. It was vacant, which didn’t surprise me. With the only person who ate was Ness, it was rarely used. Esme knew better than to leave the fridge empty, though, and kept it fully stocked for my use. Esme rocked when it comes to food.

I grabbed a Coke, and some chips, and walked into the living room. Ness was in there with Bella, and they were watching some chick flick on the monstrous television that took up almost the whole wall. I sat at the end of the couch, and crunched on some chips, and gulped down some soda. Bella laughed at me, and excused her self, after giving me a knowing, but stern look. I rolled my eyes at her, and as soon as she left the room, Ness flashed over to my side, and cuddled into me.

“Mmm, I missed you.” She sighed. I smiled, my heart melting more and more as the seconds went by.

“I missed you too.” I whispered into her hair, smelling her pomegranate fragrance that I knew so well.

“Is my dad okay with…us?” She whispered. I grinned.

“He actually is.” I said. She turned to look at me, and smiled widely, her eyes sparkling. I lightly traced her jaw, and she leaned into me, softly touching my lips. This kiss was less rough, and erratic than our first. It was slow, and passionate, and I was glad that I was the one kissing her, instead of that tool. My skin tingled from wherever she touched, and I felt like I was slowly, melting into the sofa.

How in the hell did she get so good at kissing?

Pulling back for air, she gave me a wistful look, and kissed my nose.

“I love you.” She said breathlessly.

“I love you too, Renesmee.” She blushed, and I felt my heart skip a beat.

She caressed my cheek, and slowly turned around, so that she sat comfortably leaning against me.

Even now, writing this, my cheek is tingling from her touch, and my heart aches from being apart for the night.

That’s all for now. I’ll talk to you later,


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Edward’s Reaction

Dear Diary,

Well, I guess I can say Edward didn’t take it the best. I mean, he didn’t take it the worst either, thankfully.

He might’ve given me a black eye, and a couple of broken ribs, before Bells made him stop. The last time I saw that glint in his eye, it was an hour or so after I kissed Bella for the first time; around the time before we fought all of those newborns.

When he came to my house yesterday, he knocked lightly on the door instead of breaking it down, so I wasn’t too terrified of answering, expecting him to take it calmly, and maturely like you would expect a hundred year old mind reading vampire would. That is until he starting beating the living hell out of me. Thankfully, Bella, my savior, came shortly after, pulling him off of me.

“Stop!” She shrieked, her inhuman voice rising two octaves, and sounding like music. I easily got up, and wiped the blood from my mouth. She then started reprimanding him like a two year old, telling him violence wasn’t the answer. I also can recall the growl that rumbled from him after I thought that. So, I backed away a few steps.

“You will never kiss my daughter again!” He spat through his teeth, ignoring Bella’s intimidating glare.

“She’s my imprint! What else can I do?” I yelled back. Bella was practically the one between us, stopping the fight from progressing.

I couldn’t decide whether to laugh at, or loathe the leech keeping me from my girl. Why must things always suck for me?

I was shaking, but I kept it under control, ‘cause I didn’t need the pack coming over here and starting a commotion once I phased, letting them know I was getting beat up by a leech. I had already felt myself healing after a few seconds, and Edward wasn’t struggling to much to get out of Bella’s grip.

“Why did you tell her, you idiot?” Edward asked, venom lacing his voice, but it was calmer than before.

“I couldn’t just let her go off with another guy, Ed. She’s my imprint. It had to happen sooner or later, anyway.” I said, trying to make my voice seem even. Edward rolled his eyes.

“I know that she is your imprint” –as he gestured to his head– “but couldn’t you wait longer, until she was more mature, emotionally, and mature enough to be kissed?” Edward said, his voice still full of malice. I looked at him in disbelief.

“Says the guy who let her go on a date with a punk, who most likely has only one thing on his filthy mind!” I shot back. Edward glared.

“It is my responsibility to raise my daughter the right way, which means a normal life. If you live a normal life, you date. Simple as that.” I groaned.

“How can somebody live a normal life, in a house full of vampires? Especially vampires that sparkle!” I shouted. Edward rolled his eyes.

“My daughter, my decisions. I decide what’s best for her.” He stated patiently. I wasn’t so patient.

“Well, sorry Eddie. It’s too late for that now.” I said grinning. Edward growled, and crouched like a freaking lion. I tensed, but Bella slapped him on the back of the head.

“Oh, stop Edward. What’s done is done.” Edward mumbled something too low for even my superhuman hearing to hear, but I’m pretty sure it was him apologizing to Bella. She rolled her eyes when he glared at me again.

“We’ll discuss this more tomorrow.” He said, and stalked out of my house. Bella sighed deeply, and shook her head. After staring at the door for a couple more seconds, she turned to me, giving me an apologetic look before examining my wounds lightly.

“I’m glad you told her, truthfully. She’s felt…attracted to you lately, and she didn’t like it. She thought you would blow her off, considering her age. She didn’t understand the feelings she had for you, and it was so hard for me not to tell her. She has felt really insecure these past few months.” She whispered. I nodded.

“I’m glad too. I’m surprised how well Edward took it. I thought he would kill me for sure.” I laughed. Bella grimaced.

“I’m sorry I got here late…I didn’t even know he left the house until a minute after he did, and then I had to follow his scent here, and…” she trailed off, rolling her eyes. I nodded.

“It’s fine. I just…I want him to be okay with this…I really want to be accepted. I remember, that a few months after I imprinted on her, you finally accepted it…and I knew Edward sort of accepted it, but he’s being all protective dad now, probably not wanting his little girl to grow up, and all. I…I just want to be with her as comfortably as possible, with everyone accepting it.” I said, and looked at Bella. She was nodding.

“I understand, Jake, I do. I remember how bad I wanted you to accept my relationship with Edward…you were stubborn about that of course. I’ll talk to him, and he’ll come around. You don’t know how proud I am of you, and how amazing it is to know my best friend will always be in my life, even if it is as my son-in-law. Therefore, I will do everything in my power to help you with your relationship with my daughter.” She said, her voice sweet and soft. This is why Bella is my best friend. I grinned.

“Bells, you’re sounding all old on me now.” I teased lightly. She slapped my arm, laughing slightly, before wrapping her arms around me softly. I patted her head, and we both said goodbye. She left quietly, and I remember the relief I felt. I was completely healed now, and there was only a slight shadow under my eye, so all I felt was the high from telling Ness, and her returning those feelings.

My stomach felt like mushy Angel Soft toilet paper by the time I realized that I am practically in a relationship with Nessie now. I was finally with her. When I started thinking about it, I felt a scarcely familiar feeling boil up in me. Nervousness.

This feeling is definitely new, considering the only girl I had ever felt a fraction of this for was Bella, and I never had felt too nervous around her. With Ness, I felt comfortable, but I was nervous now, because I didn’t want to mess up. I want to be perfect, the man she deserves. It’s easy to see she’s way out of my league, and I want to make sure I am the best I can possibly be for her.

While I thought through everything thing that happened tonight, my outdated phone rang my text message alert.

J, I forgot to tell you something… I love you, too.

My heart had hammered in my chest, and I blew my hair out of my eyes, and sighed.

She loves me.

I really hope that Bella gets Edward to chill out, and maybe I’ll be able to have an open relationship with Ness.

I’ll talk to you later, hopefully this all works out.

- Jacob

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Welcome The Writer of Jacob’s Diary, Meagan!

Hey everyone! We’d like for you to give a big welcome to the writer of our newly added side project: ‘Jacob’s Diary.’ Her name is Meagan & you can read the first entry she did (it’s a short and sweet introduction entry) by clicking the “Read First Entry” button (above). I think she captures Jacob very well. She has a good grasp on Jake’s personality and I can’t wait to see her future entries!

Get to know Meagan by following her on Twitter HERE! Or, if you don’t have Twitter, shoot her an email at: to welcome her, give her feedback etc!

Please Note: Jacob’s Diary is a completely different project from Bella’s Diary, so we wont be writing based off each others stories. EX: Meagan might be writing about Jake’s life a few years from now, whilst I’m writing Bella’s Diary based on our time. Meagan might have Jacob & Nessie get engaged, fall in or out of love, meet new people, while Bella’s Diary will have something completely different happening. This is just to clear up any confusion in case you’re wondering why they don’t go together.

We hope you’re happy about having another side of the story after Breaking Dawn & that you’re excited to be able to snoop in Jacob’s Diary now, too!

Welcome Meagan!