news

November

9th

Dear Diary (A Third Charm)

I couldn’t help but feel somewhat suspicious when Edward asked me to remove my bracelet, the one that Jacob gave me with the wooden wolf—that was later accompanied by Edward’s diamond heart. His face was unreadable, blank. I half smiled and shifted my eyes from left to right, insinuating that I wanted an explanation. But he wasn’t about to give me one.

Edward’s request turned into more of a demand when he held his long, pale hand out for me to drop the bracelet into. This time he smiled and the smile just met his eyes. I could see that Edward was not about to give me any answers, but before I handed my bracelet over to him, I asked if I would at least get it back. He looked slightly shocked by my question, and his velvety voice shot back with a quick, “Of course you get it back, Bella.”

Before he took off up stairs, Edward grabbed my hand and pressed his perfect, smooth, lips onto the top of it, then assured me that he would be back soon with my bracelet. He was not even gone for a second before I began to run through a mental list of reasons why Edward would take my bracelet.

When I couldn’t think of a single realistic idea, I asked Renesmee, who was sitting at the mini piano Edward bought for her. “Sweetheart, what you’re playing sounds great!” I was trying to butter her up, too, in case Edward asked her not to tell me. It was true, though, she was already such an amazing piano player. Renesmee smiled, that beautiful angelic smile, and I continued to pry. “Did Daddy mention anything about my bracelet to you? The one that Jacob gave me with the wolf on it?” I started to feel guilty at this point, realizing that if Edward didn’t tell me, there’s probably a good reason.

I was happy when Nessie’s answer didn’t give anything away. Her little fingers paused above the piano keys, and without looking up at me she softly spoke. “No Mommy, sorry.” She continued playing her piano, flooding the house with a beautiful melody.

Why would Edward have told Renesmee? I felt silly for even asking. If Edward didn’t want me to know, the last person he would tell is the first person I would go to. That didn’t stop me from asking Alice, though. When I went upstairs to where the rest of the Cullen’s live, Alice and Jasper were in one of the offices flipping through a sports car catalog, and I pretended to be interested. I didn’t get away with it for long before Alice asked what was up. She knew there was no way I was taking a sudden interest in anything automobile related.

I tried to seem casual. Again, Alice wasn’t having it. She knew exactly what information I was trying to get out of her, and made a comment about how, for an immortal, I was extremely impatient. She was right. I was letting my curiosity almost drive me insane. I told myself I would wait, pushed it out of my head and went back downstairs to listen to Renesmee play her piano.

About two hours went by before I heard Edward come down the stairs into our little home in the basement of the Cullens’ new house. Even though two hours is nothing to me now, because I am an immortal, any time away from Edward makes me miss him. The time doesn’t go by slow, but it has little to no substance without him. Needless to say, I was happy to see Edward, and it wasn’t only because I wanted my bracelet back.

Without even the slightest hesitation, or even a hello, Edward waved for me and Renesmee to follow him upstairs. When I got up there, everyone was standing in the front foyer and they all turned to face me. Rosalie shocked me with her welcoming smile, but even that didn’t stand out as much as Jacob, who was sitting on the floor with his arms wrapped around his knees. He seemed sad. Nessie walked over to him and sat down next to him, leaning on him as though she knew he wasn’t his usual sunny self.

Edward placed one arm around the small of my  back and with his other hand he gave me a plain, chocolate-brown, satin-covered box. For a second I couldn’t help but wonder why Edward was re-giving me my bracelet. I could tell it was the bracelet by the long, thin shape of the box. Everyone was watching, though, so I stopped wondering and gently flipped open the satiny brown box.

I felt everyone staring at me as I scanned my bracelet, that had a wooden wolf and diamond heart dangling from it. There was something else now, though. It was oval shaped, and made of metal. I took in a deep breath when I saw the Cullen Crest charm, with three shamrocks, a lion and a hand above the lion. Under the three shamrocks was the name ‘Cullen’ inscribed into the metal. My jaw dropped and somehow I felt warm, almost hot, inside.

I was hit, again, with the realization that I am really part of this family that once seemed so mysterious to me. To me, having this crest makes it even more official. . . as if being turned into a vampire wasn’t enough.

I ran my finger over the surface of the crest, and felt something slightly bumpy on the back of the charm. I glanced up at Edward before I flipped it over and he had the most beautiful, peaceful, smile slowly moving its way across his face. When I glanced back down at the other side of the charm I saw the words, You are my life now inscribed in Edward’s perfect, identifiable, handwriting. I thought I felt my heart thud, just once, then stop again.

The charm is beautiful. I can’t even put into words how grateful I am to be part of this family, officially. It was technically official when I married Edward, of course, but to me, this was the Cullens’ way of welcoming me into their family for eternity. We are immortals, vampires, and when someone new comes into this family. . . well, you’re stuck with them forever. I’m honored that the Cullen’s want me to be around forever.

I could tell by Jacob’s forced enthusiasm that he was feeling left out, especially after Emmett assured Charlie and Nessie that they were having something special made for them. They will both be getting a Cullen crest, but because Jacob isn’t one of us, a vampire, I assume he won’t be included. I wanted to change that. Sure, he’s not married to a Cullen, and he is a werewolf. . . the furthest thing  from a vampire, but he is still part of this family.

I made up my mind. I was going to talk to the Cullen’s. I had to at least ask, for Jake’s sake. Did they agree to make Jacob, my best friend who happens to be a werewolf, a Cullen crest? Come check out my diary next week to find out!

-Bella

EDIT: Looking for a new love story to read? I have written a novella called, ‘My Darrling.’ (This is not the Willow series I’ve been working on, rather it’s a small side project. The first book in the Willow series will be up in the early portion of this year). For now, I’m so excited for you to check out the novella I’ve written:

You can read a preview and purchase ‘My Darrling’ HERE. I can’t thank you all enough for your endless support, and I promise to run contests to give back as soon as my books get off the ground!

For those of you who’d like to follow the progress of my Willow series, please ‘LIKE’ it on Facebook here. You can also read a tiny preview if you click ‘info’.

Feel free to stop by my personal blog here, where I post songs, pictures and will soon be giving more previews from ‘Willow.’ Thank you all so much for reading and for the support and encouragement you’ve all given. You have no idea how important your encouragement and kind words has been.

Lots of love,

Krystal

November

3rd

Dear Diary (Stupid Lamb)

They made me dress up for Halloween. Well, Alice did. Edward didn’t make any attempt at coming to my rescue, though. Instead he grinned, dazzling me, like I know he will for eternity. I was a little confused by everyone’s excitement over Halloween. The Cullen’s have been around for so many years that I assumed they would be bored of these types of occasions by now.

Was I ever wrong.

Alice decorated the entire inside and outside of our new home in New Hampshire. By the time she was finished, the house was unrecognizable. Emmett and Jasper helped, while Rosalie, Carlisle, Esme, Jacob and Nessie got their costumes and makeup ready. Alice didn’t have a costume yet, so she assured Edward and I that once she was done with decorating we would all go costume shopping together.

I had no idea what costume I would end up with, and to be honest, I didn’t care. My mind was being entertained by the thought of Edward dressed up. I pictured him dressed up in various different costumes and couldn’t help but smile at the thought of each one. But Edward could dress up as a garbage can and somehow still look beautiful, perfect.

We arrived at the giant costume warehouse where there were literally rows and rows of costumes. I didn’t know where to begin. Without even the slightest hesitation, Alice was already off rummaging through the extensive costume lineup. She had to pick one out for Jasper, too, which explained why we ran into her in the men’s section while we were looking for Edward’s costume.

The almost overly friendly sales lady – who was dressed up like a nurse that you’d find in an ‘adults only’ hospital – approached us, her eyes fixated on Edward. She made sure to swing her perfectly styled blonde ringlets fervently as she asked Edward if he needed any help. For someone so perfect and graceful, Edward seemed stiff and awkward. I knew he was reading the overly amiable girls mind, and I started to feel annoyed by her.

Jealous.

I hated feeling jealous. I tried to keep calm, but to be honest, the thought of tearing the girl apart crossed my mind more than once.

Without looking at her, Edward told the sales lady that we would not require her help, then wrapped his arm around my waist and continued browsing though costumes. I wrapped my arm around him, too, and kissed him softly on the shoulder. Without looking up, I knew the lady had disappeared. I appreciated Edward’s obvious lack of interest in her and was happy she finally took the hint. I wasn’t sure how much more of her hair flipping and giggles I could take.

Alice danced gracefully in front of me holding the most hideous bunch of material I had ever seen. It was green and blue with flimsy feathers all over it. I was about to ask her what on earth she had in her hand, but she answered before I got the words out.

“It’s a peacock. Look how pretty it is.” She gracefully unraveled the giant costume to show Edward and I exactly what it looked like, and we both nodded as I reached out to feel the feathers.

“Very… nice, Alice.” I tried to sound convincing.

Alice rolled her eyes at Edward and I, then dove back into the costume racks to find something for Jasper. My eyes followed Alice, then froze instantly when I saw the perfect costume for me hanging there, a few rows away from where Edward and I were standing. Right beside it I saw the perfect costume for Edward. My jaw dropped as I realized I had found the most amazing Halloween costumes for us. There they hung – side-by-side – as though they were meant to be together.

The white lamb costume was a full body piece that came with ears and foot coverings. The lion costume, which was hanging right next to the lamb, came with a full body piece, a tail and lion head covering. I didn’t even have to think about it. Edward was my masochistic lion, and I was his stupid lamb. Although I’m a strong, bloodthirsty vampire now, I will still always be Edward’s stupid lamb. Always.

Edward was just as excited about the costumes as I was. “They’re perfect, Bella.” His golden eyes lit up as he grabbed them off the rack. Alice didn’t understand why we chose the lion and lamb costumes, but she did agree that they were ‘cute.’ I half smiled at the giant heart costume Alice was holding, wondering why on earth she picked out a costume for Jasper that was more suitable for Valentine’s Day.

“Lovebird. I’m a bird, and he’s a heart. Get it?” Alice smirked and practically danced over to the cashier to pay. It was obvious that, after all these years they were running our of ideas. Poor Jasper.

When we got back home, Emmett, Rosalie, Carlisle and Esme already had their costumes on. Rosalie, who dressed up like Marilyn Monroe, couldn’t stop laughing at Emmett’s costume. I couldn’t figure out what his costume was supposed to be until Emmett whispered, “I’m an atomic wedgie” in my ear, then turned around to show me the very creative costume that was literally an atomic wedgie. I couldn’t help but laugh right along with Rosalie.

Carlisle and Esme were dressed as an old granny and old grandpa. They will never have the chance to look like elderly people, so they went all out with their costumes, comb overs and all. It was nice to see them having so much fun. Charlie was the least interested in this whole ‘dress up’ thing and simply put on his old cop uniform. His bright, eerie red eyes looked like they could be part of the costume, though.

Jacob asked if he could pick a costume out for Nessie, so we told him to go ahead, but I let him know that if we didn’t like it, we had a cute little princess costume waiting. When I asked Jacob what he was going to dress up as, he told me it was a surprise. When I saw him walking in the back door with a pale face, red lips, crimson contacts and fake blood all over his mouth and clothing I let out a quick laugh and sarcastically mentioned something about how creative he was. Unfortunately for Edward, nothing is a surprise and he already heard in Jacob’s thoughts earlier that he was dressing up as a vampire.

Edward also knew Nessie would be dressed up as a werewolf. Rosalie snorted when she saw Nessie’s costume and I shot a quick glare in her direction. I thought Renesmee looked perfectly cute. It was only a costume, after all. To my surprise, Rosalie got over it quickly and was all smiles again when the trick-or-treaters started to ring the doorbell.

Alice got loads of candy imported from all over the world to make sure we handed out the best candy in town. Everything was full size, and the kids’ eyes lit up when they saw all the unique candy we were giving out. The front yard was a haunted maze with scary Halloween music and mummies that had motion detectors and would jump out when the kids walked by. Alice did a great job designing that.

We kept Jasper as far away from the kids as possible, and Carlisle stayed hovered over the front door to make sure everything went smoothly. We all have great control over our thirst, of course, but we always play it as safe as possible. We are ruled by our thirst for blood and, no matter how hard we try to fight it, it’s in our nature to kill.

When everything was over we all took our costumes off, except Jacob. He kept his vampire costume on. He liked it, I could tell. Sometimes I worry that he wishes he could be like us. I know it’s hard being the only one who’s completely different. When I was human and spent most of my time at the large white house in Forks, I felt the same way. I wanted  so badly to be one of them. We do our best, with the exception of Rosalie, to make sure he doesn’t feel too different. Regardless of what Jacob is, he will always be a part of our family.

After we put Nessie to sleep, Edward and I went hunting. My throat was burning more than usual after being around so many humans and I needed to soothe the pain, but I also wanted to spend some alone time with Edward. We had fun hunting, and looking up at the stars afterward. He confessed that he loved our costumes and I told him that no matter what, I would always be his stupid lamb. I did give up life for him, which was the stupidest, yet smartest thing I’d ever done.

-Bella

EDIT: Looking for a new dark love story to read? I have written a novella called, ‘My Darrling.’ (This is not the Willow series I’ve been working on, rather it’s a small side project.). You can read a preview and purchase ‘My Darrling’ HERE.

XO

October

26th

Dear Diary (Unfinished)

Edward and I were in the middle of laughing about something when his face went blank, expressionless. After a couple of seconds his eyebrows knitted together and his lips pulled down on the sides. We were pulling into the driveway of our house, so I assumed he heard something in someones thoughts, but before I had the chance to ask, he was already inside. I followed quickly behind him and within a few seconds I understood exactly why Edward had such a rapid change in mood.

Nahuel was sitting shyly on the cream colored couch, his eyes darting expeditiously from Rosalie to Jacob and resting a few seconds longer on Renesmee. My jaw dropped and I let out a loud threatening hiss that I half startled myself with. My eyes were locked on the back of Rosalie’s head, and although I knew she was aware that Edward and I were standing there, she would not turn around.

As Edward approached Rosalie, I stood at the door, in my now half crouch, afraid to go near her. I was afraid of what I would do to her after she blatantly refused to respect our wishes. Jacob glanced over at me, then made his way over to let me know exactly what had happened. He kept his voice to a low whisper, which somehow made me relax my stone hard body. “I had no idea Rosalie was arranging this the whole time behind our backs. Nessie was with me out back in my place, then after about an hour Rosalie called her over to the house. I came over with Nessie and…”  Jacob paused, then glanced over at Nahuel and continued. “That hybrid child was standing in here. Rosalie keeps insisting she just wants a friend for Nessie. Someone who… who understands her.” He put his head down, almost as if he were ashamed of something.

I knew Jacob was going to start to actually believe that Nahuel was better for Renesmee. I remember a time when I felt like I wasn’t good enough for Edward, so I know exactly how he was feeling. I was disappointed in Jake, though. I thought after everything he witnessed between Edward and I that he would know, first hand, that it’s okay to be different. Edward taught me so much about myself, about life. I taught Edward a lot, too. We learned, and grew, from each others differences. We never gave up on each other, despite the seemingly impossible. I know there is no way Jacob could ever give up on Renesmee. I mean, he has imprinted. I just don’t want him to give up on himself. To actually believe that he’s not good enough for Renesmee. I can’t predict the future, that’s Alice’s job, but I know one day Nessie might fall in love with Jacob. I also know that I can’t think of a better person in this world that I would rather see her fall in love with.

I assured Jacob that there is no one better for Nessie. Jacob is her best friend. He protects her, makes her laugh and has helped her understand the meaning of unconditional love. We both agreed that it would be absolutely fine for Renesmee to be friends with Nahuel, but we weren’t going about it Rosalie’s way. It was almost as though she was trying to perform some sort of delusional arranged marriage. She wants things her way, regardless of if it makes Nessie happy, and I wont allow that to happen.

I could see Edward was trying to walk a line between furious and welcoming. He didn’t want to make Nahuel feel unwelcome. After all, this was not Nahuel’s fault, and we truly do not disapprove of Nessie being friends with him – we just don’t want Rosalie forcing them together, and shutting Jacob out while doing so. This isn’t her call to make.

Edward was mumbling, almost whispering something to Rosalie and she retorted in a loud, sarcastic sounding voice. “So Renesmee isn’t allowed to have friends other than Jacob? Because that’s really healthy for a child, to only have one friend.” She rolled her eyes and something in me snapped. I wasn’t afraid I would hurt her, I know I’m better than that. But, I was going to give her a piece of my mind.

I flew into the room where they were all standing awkwardly, yet still gracefully. I saw Carlisle’s eyes grow larger than normal out of my peripheral view as I stood there, face to face with Rosalie, my eyes locked on her seemingly confused eyes. For the first time since I have known Rosalie, I gave her an unabbreviated piece of my mind. “Listen, Rosalie. I like Nahuel. I love Renesmee. I love Jacob. This has nothing to do with Edward and I not wanting Nessie to have friends. That is completely ridiculous. I see what you are trying to do, and that is what makes me angry. You’re bothered by the fact that in this crazy world of vampires and werewolves, that Renesmee’s best friend happens to be a werewolf. Sure, imprinting might seem weird to you, and it seems weird to me, too. Craving human blood seems weird to Jacob, though, but it’s not something we can change. We can’t help the fact that we thirst for innocent humans, just like Jacob can’t help what he is.” I stopped for a moment, surprised by Rosalie’s expression. She was listening to everything I said. Her face looked softer, her features relaxed.

I lowered my voice once I knew that some of what I was saying was getting through to her, and continued. “Look, I understand that you were forced to do things in your life that… that you would not have chosen on your own. But that should have made you realize more than anyone that it’s not okay. It’s not okay to be forced to do something that you don’t feel in your heart. I don’t want Renesmee to feel obligated to like or dislike anyone. She can and will make her own decisions, and if you try to influence them anymore, I will have no choice but to leave – to take Nessie away from you so that you can’t do this to her anymore.” I felt Edward slip his hand around my waist, as though he was reinforcing everything I said.

Rosalie nodded her head, folded her hands together then walked out of the room. She didn’t say a word. She didn’t even say goodbye to Nahuel. I apologized to Nahuel for everything before he left and thankfully he understood. Alice walked him out and let him know that he was welcome to come back anytime. I half laughed to myself  as I thought of how dysfunctional Nahuel must think we all are, and that he probably would never take Alice up on her offer to come visit anytime soon.

A few minutes after Rosalie left the room, I followed after her. I didn’t want any hostility between us and I needed to know that she wouldn’t continue trying to control Nessie’s life. Everything felt so unfinished. So fragmented. Edward tried to follow behind, but I asked that he let me talk to her alone.

I have to go now, Alice and I are going shopping for Halloween decorations. She wants to make the new house the spookiest house on the street. This should be interesting. I will write again next week and let you know how our talk and the Halloween decorating went.

-Bella

EDIT: Looking for a new dark love story to read? I have written a novella called, ‘My Darrling.’ (This is not the Willow series I’ve been working on, rather it’s a small side project.). You can read a preview and purchase ‘My Darrling’ HERE.

XO