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December

25th

Renesmee’s Diary – What Do You Live for?

Dear Diary,

What do you live for? That is, of course, if you live at all. . . . 

“Have a holly jolly Christmas! It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Here comes Santa Clause, here comes Santa Clause . . . ” Jacob rang through the living room helping me assemble all the ornaments on the tannenbaum tree.

I chuckled and he directed his eyes to me in a questioning tone.

“You sang three different Christmas songs. Oh, Jake,” I said as I collapsed to the floor, unable to manage the laughter. And on top of that, Jacob was far beyond off key which made me to laugh even greater.

“Come on Jakie, I’ll race you outside for another snowball fight!” And I dashed for my coat and my wool cap laced with a silk bow to prepare for the most jolly weather of all; a winter wonderland.

Winter has to be my favorite season of all because of all the holiday cheer that is distributed from all the different seasonal holidays. And no matter what religion, or beliefs one abides to, everyone gathers together for the ending of another year.

I also enjoy the typical holiday festivities which include Grandma Esme’s delectable cookies and baking several Bûche de Noël to appease the palate. Though I’m not inclined to join a group activity such as singing in a choir, I do sing Christmas carols for my family.

And who could forget the snowball fights with Jake? Over the years his excuses for losing against me have become more lame. Especially since now that I’m older and have an increase in my fighting chance of winning, he now excuses his losses with, “Esme’s homemade cookies and cocoa is giving me a stomachache.”

I hid behind a garbage can fortress that I constructed five years ago solely for the purpose of snowball fights. It was made of three garbage cans bonded together with rope. This made winning even more simpler than a breeze because I could stash pre–made snowballs inside the cans. And when I wished to shoot, I’d just aim at Jacob’s body and release the ball a million times to sweep the victory.

I immediately scooped a pile of snow then formed it into three snowballs at a time. Jacob threw a few balls at me, but of course missed each time.

“Awww c’mon, Ness!” He pleaded as I bombarded him with the snow.

It was difficult to grant him mercy when torturing him was endless fun. I couldn’t help but direct the snow at his face, it bothered him the most.

But after a while, I just ceased the process and collapsed in the sea of snow. Jake would lay beside me and watch with astonishment as I flapped my arms and legs to create snow angels in the snow. I think what surprises him the most is how gentle and serene I am; there are no surprise attacks like with the snowball fights… just me relaxing in my favorite weather, in the snow.

He did something different this time. Instead of gazing at me for the entire time, he molded his warm palm into mine. It didn’t matter who was watching or what was happening, but we both pressed our lips against each others for a bliss–filled moment under the snowflakes that danced around us.

Jacob lifted me up and cradled me in his arms as I inhaled his sweet breath. As always, he headed for the kitchen, hypnotized by Esme’s hearty lamb stew and hot cocoa with whipped cream.

Watching your werewolf boyfriend scarf down an entire pot of stew was not strange. But seeing him under the mistletoe dressed formally with Chanel Allure Homme Sport cologne was.

“Nice Santa suit… er… dress, Ness,” Jake said as he eyed me from head to toe. I was also sporting my high heel boots to complete the Santa look.

“Where’s Grandpa Charlie and Billy?” There was no sign of them as my pupils scoured the room. Carlisle and Esme had invited them like always, but they weren’t there.

“Charlie is down with the flu and Billy didn’t want to leave Charlie alone for Christmas,” Jacob answered.

Disappointment crushed my holiday cheer especially since I was I was going to sing my rendition of “Christmas Must be Something More” by Taylor Swift.

I slowed the song down a bit and incorporated different guitar chords.  And without my grandpa and Billy, I was more reluctant to perform.

My mother was busying herself with pleasing the wolf pack and their imprints with stuffed mushrooms and devilled eggs. My Dad was playing on the piano a song I recognized as “Silver Bells.” Alice was taking pictures of everyone, bouncing from person to person, highly giddy as usual. Rose and Emmett were huddled by the crackling fire, not needing to bathe in it like the humans in the room, but they enjoyed looking at it regardless.

In between our New Hampshire home’s two piece grand staircase, was a stage. My Father insisted that it be built for my performances that I did every–so–often for special events and even for simple home entertainment.

On the stage, however, was something rather peculiar even in the light of Christmas Eve. It was a ginormous present, about the size of a golf cart.

Jacob walked up to the present and whispered something into it. Yes, he whispered into the gift.

Instantly I could notice the top of the gift begin to rise and two men dressed as Santa popped out like Jack-in-the-box.

“Surprise, surprise!” they both cheered, as the taller Santa pushed the other Santa in a wheel chair. To my wretched heart, I couldn’t believe it. It was Grandpa Charlie and Billy – both dressed as Santa!! This had by far been the best Christmas surprise of all time!

“Ho, ho!” They cried as they allotted mini gifts to everyone. How they got in that present, especially behind my back, I’ll never know. The most important part of it was their presence and that they were going to celebrate Christmas with us. That’s all that mattered to me. I love the both of them, my Grandpa and my soon to be father-in-law.

After the distribution of their gifts, I replaced the opened gift box alongside my guitar.

Jasper seemed to find this humorous because he was chuckling and soon everyone else formed a harmony of laughter. It must have been an inside joke that I obviously wasn’t included in.

“Renesmee, look at the guitar you’re holding,” Uncle Jasper finally announced, which seemed to end the laughter.

And when I looked at the guitar I didn’t see my guitar but another one. It was a brand new, shining maple acoustic/electric from Fender.

“Thank you,” I chuckled at myself for not even realizing the new treasure I was holding.

“Well play it, dear. We know you’ve been eying this guitar for awhile,” Esme chimed in. It was true, I had been spotting this guitar months.

So I performed my song to the eager audience and I even added in “Jingle Bells” so everyone could sing-along. Jake’s flat voice stuck out from the rest, but nonetheless it was a joyous event.

Following my performance, the Christmas roast was served….five heaping pot roasts to be exact. All the immortals pretended to join in on the meal just to make the dining experience a little less awkward for the human guests. As for me, I devoured my occasional glass of blood for perfect measure to the already wonderful night.

For dessert, the typical Christmas cookies were served as well as figgy pudding and the Bûche de Noël. Seth enjoyed the idea of “ripping the gingerbread cookies” by munching on the arms and legs like a child. Sam jerked him on the shoulder, but I didn’t mind. It was Christmas where everyone gets to be a child again.

After all, weren’t we all going to dream of dancing sugar-plums and awake early to unravel our Christmas presents the next morning? We all had the same childish spirit inside us that crept out only on Christmas morning. We all lived for the priceless grin on our faces when the wrapping paper unveiled something we’d been yearning for for a long time.

Good night for now! I’ll write about Christmas tomorrow,

-Nessie


Dear Diary,

It was four a.m when I awoke. But in my house this is not a concern as I am the only one that sleeps.

With the rally of Christmas the whole month, I couldn’t abstain from the gifts.

My Dad folded the newspaper he had been reading and chuckled with delight over the fact that I still acted like a little girl on Christmas morning.

“I suppose it’s present time,” my father said and smiled the crooked smile in which I mirrored, to add effect.

“Merry Christmas, Daddy,” I said as everyone gathered in the living room.

“All right, who wants to go first?” I asked, though it was quite obvious I wished to open my presents first.

“Go ahead, Nessie. I think you’ll like mine,” Uncle Emmett chuckled while Rose punched him.

I opened the box to see a doll. I never played with dolls as a child, so I was surprised to see one.

“It’s you . . . a customized doll that’s you, see?” Emmett defended his gift, clearly proud of what he gave me.

As I looked deeper I could see the bronze, curly hair and chocolate brown eyes on the doll.

“Thanks, Emmett! I love it—she’s beautiful.”

Rose gave me a purple hanging chair for my room. I always admired hanging chairs, so it was perfect. I’d have my own swing in my room.

Alice and Jasper both bought me a purple butterfly diamond hair clip. Alice immediately attached the clip into my curls.

“Very bonita,” Alice commented, in awe of her present. Jasper’s expression was as dull as the statue of David by Michelangelo. He reached his hand in his pocket and grabbed a charm bracelet which featured purple leaves.

Carlisle and Esme were next to give me a tiny box which held a key. Of course it was for a car, but it wasn’t just any car. It was the exclusive 2011 E550 Mercedes-Benz Cabriolet in my favorite car color, an icy blue hue.

After thanking them graciously, I was anxious to see what my Father had in mind to give me this Christmas.

“I wasn’t quite sure what to get you this year,” he said then snatched his present, neatly wrapped in its box.

“I’m sure I’ll love it no matter what it is, Daddy,” I assured him, then flashed him my crooked grin which seemed to invite him to finally hand the gift over.

The box coveted a vintage hairbrush and comb. Both were made of metal and shined as if new. The brush had a heart shape on the backside, lined with rose and pearl. It was beautiful and I could ask for nothing more.

My Mother had presented me with another vintage item; ballet slippers. Though the slippers were bruised and beaten, they were still like new.

“I was never fond of dancing, but it seems to be your muse.”

And it was true. Though I do not write of it, I do actually dance ballet. It’s my favorite sport and I’ve been doing it since I was born.

Now it was my turn to pass out my gifts; first I began with my parents. For my Mother I had a portrait of us painted with water color assents.

My Father was given the shoes I wore when I was a newborn, only with bronze metal casting so that they could be preserved. My dad, without a heartbeat, fell in love with his Christmas gift; his little girl would never disappear, never.

As for Alice, I searched every online store for a purse that would please her. I found a leather and python printed fur purse to fit her quirky personality. She was delighted to know that the bag was over five hundred.

To reprise Jasper’s Birthday gift, I bought him a pair of leather cowboy boots this time. He removed his own Gucci shoes, and fitted into the cowboy boots that not only comforted his feet, but his heart as well.

Alice didn’t even puff in annoyance that the boots didn’t match his outfit; she just let him be merry with his new gift. After all, it wasn’t like everyday Jasper smiled or seemed content at the least. So for everyone this was a blissful moment, one not to be disturbed or forgotten.

I bought Rosalie some Jimmy Choo boots and Emmett a golden ax. I had no clue what to give Emmett, but I assumed he’d make use of the ax with his burly, muscular figure.

There was no way of repaying my Grandparents for the gift they’ve given me, but I did rack up a few items. For Esme, I managed to find a collection of Giorgio Armani cosmetics that accompanied every color and style. I didn’t buy Carlisle anything special, just a Calvin Klein sweater with argyle design (not that he’d ever actually use it; just for presentation during winter in front of the humans).

***

Following lunch, I was able to see Jacob; he had been patrolling during the early morning hours.

After a few hugs and kisses he granted me his “poorly wrapped gift.” It wasn’t the most dainty wrapped gift, but I ripped the wrapping off anyway, so the subject was dropped.

I knew that he would give me another one of his carvings, but this was incredible. It was a small figure in front of a giant heart.

“Renesmee Cullen, I don’t only love you, but I live for you.” And he kissed me passionately to prove his statement. I knew it was true, anyway.

So what do I live for? I live for the grace of my family, friends, and my love, Jacob Black. I live for the falling snowflakes that melt in our tongues and dance in the air. My heart only beats for the carols that yonder from the spirit of Jesus’ Birthday.

What do you live for?

-Renesmee <3

 

August

13th

Renesmee’s Diary – A Retreat

Dear Diary,

“Wait—she let you hug her?!” Jacob blurted vehemently, practically spraying milk all over the kitchen counter. I had just told him everything that happened the night before regarding the Nadia incident. Apparently telling him at breakfast wasn’t the best time as he was overcome with pure shock at Leah’s defeat.

“Well . . . yeah,” I answered. Jacob just shook his head in astonishment as if seeing God for the first time.

“Listen, honey, there’s nothing Nadia, or anyone can do to woo me,” he said, clasping my hand to his heart.

“See that, my heart only beats for you. I only live because of you, I live for you, babe.”

I shuddered at his words. But it wasn’t because of fear, it was from the warmth of his warm body, his muscleMy mind went blank as his vivid eyes took place, searching deep into mine. His lips smothered mine with his familiar inviting and sweet taste. His lips soon moved, now grazing my neck. Hmmm, maybe having Nadia here last night wasn’t so bad after all, I mean it brought me and Jake closer, literally.

I now wrapped my legs around his waist as his lips found their way back to mine. I still wasn’t used to the romantic aspect of my relationship with Jake. Sure, we’d been a sealed deal for over a month now, but I usually tended to get carried away when I was with him. I was like a different person than I was before I knew I was his imprint. I was his best friend, and had been since after birth.

Instead of a smile, it was now a kiss. It wasn’t a bear hug, it was a cuddle. I even noticed that the occasion dinner I cooked for Jake transitioned into almost everyday. I was truly taking on my role as his imprintee, his soul mate. I loved him very much, and I was ready to take our relationship to the next level.

Pulling his shirt off wasn’t the issue; getting him to agree to cooperate was the problem.

“Ness, we can’t. You know that,” he added with a genuine, but serious smile.

“Why not? We both want to, and there’s no laws against it—”

“Except God’s law,” he interrupted, blowing my bluff.

“Aw, come on Jakey. Please. It’s all I want. You don’t have to give me a birthday or a Christmas present! I promise,” I said softly, tracing my fingers over the planes of his chest. I had to give in because my frustration was bombing the perfect moment we had.

He just sighed and began wiping down the milk infested table with Windex.

“I promise, after marriage,” he answered as though he were in pain. This time I was the one to sigh. Marriage wouldn’t be until at least another year, which basically spells out “forever.”

Then it hit me: Isle Esme. It was still summer and my family didn’t take a vacation yet. It was perfect. I’d just invite Jake to tag along. Even better I’d invite my extended family. Isle Esme was a titanic island that could accommodate many visitors and knowing my father, he could have an extra house arranged if necessary. Now all I needed to do was inquire my parents and convince the Cullens to allow the wolf pack and their imprints to come along. Although as usual, Claire is the only one to miss out.

It was such a shame Claire was an average human. Right now Claire was eleven and ready to begin sixth grade. It was a beautiful thing to see Quil’s face light up and his spirit and faith risen each year as Claire became one year older. And with each year Claire matured mentally and physically. I had hoped Claire would soon be my friend, given that she is the imprint that is within my age group.

“I have to go patrol, Ness,” Jacob uttered, obviously irritated as he always was to leave me. He did his ritual kiss on the forehead and then departed.

I sighed at his absence. It seems I never see him these days with the extra patrolling he’s been doing. Jacob mentioned something about a nomad passing through and he needed to protect me. As was with the case of the rest of the pack and their imprints. Sam and Jared were just as concerned about Emily and Kim as Jacob was about me. And Quil was always worried for Claire with her being all the way across the country. It wouldn’t be long before Paul, Embry, Seth, and Leah found their soul mates.

I soaked in the alluring scent of my mother’s Dolce and Gabbana perfume, courtesy of Alice. I missed and loved everything about her. I couldn’t ask for a better mother. She was as gorgeous as any model, but with a warm heart.

She loved me more than her own life, and I loved her just as much. She proved that with my birth. I never meant to kill my mother while in the womb, and I expressed that through my thoughts. Of course I loved her for giving me life, giving me something no one else could. Sure I already owned three cars; a Volvo, BMW, and my father’s ex-Aston Martin Vanquish (all of which I still cannot drive). I possessed all of the latest fashion designs of various popular designers. Alice made sure I didn’t wear one item of clothing more than once. And when I called for motherly assistance when my mother was not present, I had Aunt Rosalie to comfort me. I had everything. But the highlight gift if my entire lifetime would always be the gift of life my mother gave to me.

“Hey, Mom . . . don’t you think a vacation would sound nice? It’s still summer.” My mom developed a perplexed expression. I just presented my crooked smile, a sly trick to convince her. I figured out that if I played that smile, she usually gave in. 

“Vacation where?” She pursed her lips, trying to conceal her strength. Of course she wanted to give in, especially to that smile. How could she say no? My mom just didn’t fathom the idea of spending money on something that she considered not essential. It was “extraneous.”

“Well, I had this . . . idea that we enjoy the rest of summer vacation on Isle Esme.” Okay, now thinking about it, my mom probably wouldn’t want to revisit Isle Esme. Not after—well where she conceived me.

“Hmmm, that’s a great idea,” she said with unexpected enthusiasm. Great? I mean it was, but why is my mom agreeing to this? This is the exact opposite response I thought I’d get from her. I have to admit my curiosity for Isle Esme has something to do with it.

“We can spend more family time together. Let me just ask your father and Esme.” She made it sound so simple. The Cullens rarely took vacations, let alone at Isle Esme.

As I waited patiently on the couch, Rosalie popped in the living room. She was styling the latest pink Juicy Couture tracksuit. How did she look so elegant in everything?

“So you want a vacation….to Isle Esme?” She questioned, keeping her pupils frozen to the flatscreen TV, highly aware of her surroundings.

“Yes, I think it’s a marvelous idea. It serves the perfect opportunity to spend time with family,” I responded. Rosalie now relaxed into the sofa with everything seeming at ease except for scent. I knew what unpleasant aroma she smelt when she wrinkled her nose in disgust. It was Jacob’s scent she picked up, or the “mutt’s reek” as she called it.

“Why Isle Esme, if you don’t mind me asking?” Rosalie pondered, now focusing her attention on me.

“Well I’ve always wanted to venture out somewhere where it’s not a frigid climate,” I answered confidently. Of course the climate around Rio de Janeiro wouldn’t be freezing. It would be the complete opposite with sunny, blue skies and fresh yellow sand on the beaches. The water would be a clear blue, that any eye would adore. And maybe this would be the suitable place to see Jacob shed more clothes and reveal more skin?

“Ahem,” my father croaked in reaction to my impure thought.

Sorry, Dad.” I apologized mindful of his ability to read one’s thoughts. I always forget and I do wish I could blame it on him for snooping through my thoughts, but he can’t help it. I know my father tries to ignore everyone’s thoughts to respect their privacy, but that doesn’t change the fact that he reads them.

Wait my dad was here? Didn’t he leave just yesterday to go hunting with Uncle Jasper and Emmett and Grandpa Carlisle?

“It was merely a brief hunt,” he answered my question, feeding my curiosity.

I nodded in contentment as my mom stormed through the living room definitly out of chracter. She was bubbly. What had gotten int0 her?

She notably kissed my father.

“Edward you’re back so soon,” mom said, her golden eyes lighting up, making her face somehow more beautiful. And she retreated to kissing him. I really did believe that at that particular moment I was going to die of nausea along with Rosalie’s chuckles to my repulsion if my parents kept it up. Just because I didn’t appear as an infant didn’t mean I should be shown my parents….er..display of love.

“Sorry, Nessie,” my mom said, pulling away sheepishly, scratching the contours of her neck.

“All right now everyone gather around the living room, please.” It only took a swift three seconds for the entire Cullen family to make their appearance.

“Esme, would you like to do the honors?” Mom offered. After all, it was Esme’s island that we’d be vacationing at.

I could barely stay stable as I brewed with sheer excitement and joy at the imminent future retreat to Isle Esme.

“Sure, dear. Well with Renesmee’s input Bella and I decided it was important that we spend time together as a family. We have a new family joining us, the wolf pack and their mates. I think it’s only fair we get to know each other through a relaxing week long adventure at Melody Key.” No one but me seemed to have been surprised at the invitation. Melody Key? Where was that? What was that? Was that another private island the Cullens owned?

My father chuckled at my confusion as he always does. But who could blame me? How many residences did the Cullens own, exactly?

“Melody Key is a private island Carlisle purchased a long time ago. It’s much grander and more gigantic in size compared to Isle Esme. It’s a remote island off the coast of the British Virgin Islands.”

As I drained the spaghetti for the pack’s  ”meatball marinara supper” I abided my regards to the spectacular smell of the red roses on the dining table. Emily was showering now, but she mentioned Sam buying her flowers a day ago.

I had this physco notion that the roses were from Nadia to Jacob, though I only knew that was my vast and silly imagination. Nadia was to never be heard of again. Not out loud, nor in my thoughts.

“Smells yummy, Nessie.”

“Yeah, spectacular.”

“Score one for ‘The Ness,” piped various pack members as they strolled through the living room to the kitchen, lured in with meatball bait.

I half grinned, serving the pack with what I anticipated was enough food. I had been preparing the dinner since noon and made sure to shape the meatballs the size of tennis balls.

“Thanks, babe, it’s delectable, and so are you.” Jacob nibbled my ear before even reaching his dinner plate. I still couldn’t get over the name “babe.” He’d always called me “honey” before. Maybe he was just cheering me up for Nadia’s doing?

As everyone began chowing down on their pasta, I felt it was time to invite them to no other than an island called Melody Key.

Sorry but I’ll have to tell you about this later because Paul and Jacob are already fighting over meatballs…ugh…men.

Yours Truly,

-Nessie Cullen

 

August

6th

Renesmee’s Diary – Compassion

Dear Diary,

It dawned on me while I was staring intently at Seth and Leah Clearwater across the campfire. They were really unfortunate; they suffered greatly with their father’s passing. Leah dwelled around this idea that depression wouldn’t halt and she feared for her younger brother, Seth. She wanted him and her to have a life they were too underprivileged to have.

I felt guilty enough as it was that Leah had to be the only shewolf. I mean, she moved here to New Hampshire with Seth because of my family. Leah had to be stuck with six other males. Jake describes it as sort of being a “guy thing,” so Leah doesn’t even really have much support even though her relationship with Jacob has improved. She without a doubt deserved a better life, a better world. And the odd thing is, I hope that I can be the one to grant her a better way. Her bitterness and depression does not offend me.

Seth didn’t mind living here too much because he found friendship with my father and he fit snug and sound with the rest of the pack, despite how young he looks.

Paul and Jared were off fighting about something that happened earlier and Sam sent Jake to cease the brawl.

Embry and Quil occupied themselves by horsing hot dogs down. I bet they could win that Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest if they tried. And you wouldn’t have to train  or starve them before it, either. Between the two of them, I wonder who would win……?

“Eat with your mouth closed,” Sam ordered sternly, gripping Emily close to his arms.

After a display of rolled eyes, Embry and Quil slacked off to their house to stock up on more franks.

“Will Leah be here soon?” I asked, focusing more on absences than presence. I was also trying to develop a healthier relationship with Leah. Our relationship was a bit rocky with me being half vampire and all. I know we have our differences—a lot, but that shouldn’t deprive us from at least trying to be friends. I guess I just didn’t like the idea of having someone loathe me for what I was….(or who I was)? I really wanted to mend our relationship and perhaps spend more time together. Leah doesn’t have many friends if you haven’t guessed – she’d rather keep to herself most of the time.

So every time I sipped cocoa that Esme prepared for me or played dress up with aunt Alice and Rosalie, I appreciated it.

“Will Leah be here soon?” I asked again, eyeing Seth who would likely know of Leah’s whereabouts, although lately no one really knows where Leah is. She’s usually off running up as far north as Canada.

“I’m not sure…if she’s in the area she should be here in a few.” Seth’s mellow grin and expression dropped to a deep sigh. I did feel all the more guilty for making him worry, especially now while he was supposed to be enjoying himself. I was just concerned for Leah’s well being.

“Hey, want me to make some S’mores?” I asked, and Seth nodded with delight. I made my way quickly into my house.

I really did feel sympathy for the Clearwaters…Sue included. If not for my Grandpa Charlie and Jacob’s father, Billy, I think I’d ship Leah and Seth back to La Push, against their will if it was necessary. Some days I just wanted to give Leah a hug, but of course that would result with Leah hating me much more than she already does, plus it’s also just extremely awkward.

It wasn’t so difficult to find the ingredients for the perfect S’more because Esme always packed food alphabetically in the pantry. You might think that she’s a neat-freak for doing that, but it’s actually quite convient especially since the pantry is of enough accompanience for the entire pack. And yes, it’s a walk in pantry which Jake jokes would not please the queen of England to sustain her royal highness’ guests. He usually thinks of jokes to mock the grand size of the Cullen household and how “not big enough it is.”

As I strolled back over to the bonfire, I recognized a familiar figure. It was too dark for my feeble human eye sight to exactly make out who the figure was in the stale moonlight.

At first I suspected the figure was Leah who had finally come, but to my shock and disbelief it was…..Nadia and she was bawling into Jake’s arms. As much as I tried to hold back jealousy and exasperation, I couldn’t and…..well there went the marshmallows.

The plastic and goop from the marshmallows roamed all over my hands. I knew I shouldn’t have let my scorching anger get to me, even when I didn’t completely overlook the situation. Nadia was sobbing in my boyfriend’s arms because something had happened, plain and simple.

That had to be the reason why because Jacob wouldn’t succumb to getting that close to Nadia. Not after she spilled that she had affections for him…affections Jacob did not return.

I situated myself next to Jacob and questioned Nadia’s problem.

“She’s having a rough time…we found her while I was settling the dispute between Paul and Jared back at the house,” Jacob said, offering her a tissue, which she accepted graciously.

See, Renesmee, nothing to worry about. Jacob is just helping a friend out in need. How could I be so jealous before? Nadia was having a “rough time.” I wonder what happened. Did someone die? Did she get hurt? Did she even leave New Hampshire since we last saw her?

Just to make sure Nadia wasn’t playing any games I scooted closer to Jake so that our knees touched, and he grinned in response. He even slid one arm around my shoulder and kissed my head.

After a few sniffles Nadia smoothed the creases in her jeans and decided to speak to me. Jacob had fixated himself over by the other pack members to scarf more junk down.

“Hello, Nessie. I’m sorry our last meeting wasn’t very…………………..sedate,” she struggled with finding that last word. Maybe she was trying to show off her fine vocabulary, but that could of taken me a millisecond to rack up a more exquisite word.

“Yes, I apologize. Perhaps we can start from scratch if you don’t mind.” I wasn’t one for fighting or enemies so I thought as long as that girl kept her distance from my Jacob I had no issue with her presence. She seemed like a decent person, actually, if you erased our “not-so-sedate” past behind. I wouldn’t mind adding her to my list of friends.

“Sure, my name is Nadia,” she said extending her tissue free hand which I gladly shook and I again introduced myself.

“So what brings you here?” I asked, hoping she would dish on what tragedy would make her travel across the country into my boyfriend’s arms.

“Well I’m not doing so well in school…and it’s my first year of college. I just needed to escape, you know? My parents would kill me if they found out about me not succeeding,” she explained.

I’ve heard of situations like this. College students who were failing decide to leave campus to try to escape the nightmare. But it wouldn’t work…she was slowly building a ditch that she would eventually be trapped in, and she’d tumble down into it soon if she didn’t return now. As a part of my new “friendly” relationship with Nadia, I was going to help her. I just had to convince her to go back and ‘fess up to her parents. They could take it, and she would do better in school if she started to fill that ditch.

“Well you know Nadia, I bet college is very stressful…but I think the rewards of completing it are much greater. What course are you taking?” I did ponder what course she was taking. I assumed it wasn’t in the medical or law field.

“Biology,” Nadia replied patting another tear from her face. She seemed annoyed and irritated about something else….maybe she wasn’t telling the truth. I had my suspicions, but I kept them to myself. I had to learn to trust Nadia. The question was, could I ever trust Nadia?

“Well I think it’s best you go back now, or your problem will grow,” I responded matter-of-factly. She nodded with a bitter laugh.

“I heard that one way too many times,” she said. So then why didn’t she follow it? I knew I wasn’t the one in her shoes, but it made sense. Something was fishy, and my gut was advising me to dig deeper, but I couldn’t. That would overrule the barrier of trust. I had to feel compassion for Nadia right now, right?

“Hey Nessie do you think I could speak privately to you over there?” She butted her head in the direction of the forest, far away from the bonfire. I was curious why this was, but I only agreed because I was learning to “trust” her. So we abandoned the pack at the bonfire, and I think I left my gut there as well. I wasn’t joking when I felt suspicious of Nadia.

“So what’s that?” She pointed to my diary.

“It’s my diary, I write in almost all the time,” I answered. If Nadia got her hands on my dear diary, I think I’d need to hunt her down, literally.

“Oh, so you write about Jacob in there?” Did this girl need to attend manner classes? Because that was such an inappropriate question.

“Excuse me?” I knew Jake could hear off in the distance, and I hoped he would intervene soon because I was sensing this conversation was going to end with consequences.

“Look,” she began. “I didn’t come here because of college.” And like in horror movie Nadia played that devilish smirk on her face. The same smirk she formed everytime she’d let jealousy rage over her. I didn’t like this and I wanted to leave, but somehow I couldn’t. She kept me there, my feet planted in the grass. But I had to hold my ground and focus….I couldn’t get too furious.

I knew what she meant, what she had tricked Jake into doing. She had been acting the entire time. But I think more than the fact that she was playing this childish game with me, I was appauled that this girl was still trying, and that she fooled everyone. Everyone except me. She knew Jake and I were in a relationship, but I wasn’t sure if she realized how sick and  inappropriate this game she was pulling actually was.

Nadia was nineteen….a grown adult. I was only eight and a half and I even had a sensible mind to not get too involved.

“Look Nadia….I don’t want to fight,” I said. Where was Jake when I needed him? Or anybody else with keen hearing?

“Neither do I. I just want what’s rightfully mine. I didn’t want to have to do this the hard way, Nessie. I admit you are such a bright girl, but I’ve been eyeing Jacob from the start. You see, I lived with my parents and my brother, Ryan, in La Push for as long as I can remember. Then in the year 05′ we left for Arizona to ‘regain our Navajo spirit back,’ She emphasized the “Navajo spirit.”

“My father is Quelite, but my mom is a part of the Navajo tribe. I was devasted when I had to leave Jake, my long-time friend and soon to be boyfriend. And when I finally come back, he has a girlfriend, get it?”

“She does,” a coarse voice echoed behind us.

Leah appeared out of the evergreens like guardian angel or something coming to my rescue.

“And she won’t abide by what your saying. Look, Nadia, I know what it feels like to have someone you love stolen from you. I know the feeling of pain, depression, anger, and hurt. But attacking an innocent victim isn’t the answer. And anyway, Jacob was never into you like that.”

It was true. Leah knew the hurt caused by Sam imprinting on Emily, but she never hurt Emily in return. And Jake did mention that he never loved Nadia.

Nadia clenched her teeth so tight, concealing the thrust of anger brewing inside.

“I’m sorry Nadia, but I’m going to have to ask you to leave, and never come back,” Leah spat through her teeth, showing no guilt whatsoever. And just to make sure Nadia would obey Leah’s command, Leah flashed a cold, hard stare right into Nadia’s pupils. Knowng Nadia, she was proably freaking out now, anxious to get out of here. But why was Leah helping me out? Would I owe her now?

Nadia stomped her way back to the pack’s house, shying away from the pack to prevent embarrassment. She really was the complete opposite of me. She had the mind of an eight year old in an grown adult’s body, and I had the mind of a fully matured and “polite” adult, but just in a fifteen year old’s body. It was really sad for me to let “Mrs. Obsession” – as I called Nadia – out into the world. I wondered who her next victim would be?

“Well thanks Leah, that was so… kind of you. I didn’t expect that. How much did you hear?” This time she chuckled. I’ve never seen her laugh for the good, even though right now wasn’t the happiest of all times.

“Everything. But I’m glad I did. I didn’t know she was that crazy, geez.” Ok so I wasn’t going too ballistic when I assumed Nadia was a mad woman.

“Well it’s nice to know I’m not insane,” I said, smiling. Leah looked puzzled at first, but then smoothed her expression over.

“The only insane person was her, believe me.” She chuckled for the second time and added a slight grin. Leah wasn’t so bad, and I was the one trying to improve our relationship, but it appears she did that for me.

Under the starry night I hugged Leah for many reasons. One, she just totally saved my life (it could have gone all haywire and my infuriated immortal side might have hijacked my system). Second, I felt we were even now, equals. I was ready to brighten her day, show her the fun in life. Maybe I’ll introduce her to a few guys? Three, I just needed a hug in that moment. The best part was, Leah didn’t reject my hug, at least I accomplished one goal.

And for those wondering, no I wasn’t pissed at Jacob or anyone else for not coming to the rescue. The pack were probably doing something noisy or rowdy. Who knows? All that matters is that Leah saved me, and just in time.

Leah and I joined the others, and of course we were asked about Nadia, but we just covered it up with a simple “she felt sick.” Although if you ask me, she was sick all along…..mentally.

There was no need to tell the truth. I felt sorry for Nadia, as childish and immature she was. I felt sorry that her jealousy had to control her life and sanity. In fact, I think Leah felt that too. Remind me to plan a day with Leah, we could have so much fun.

And as for Jake, I think I’ll discuss this with him tomorrow. I just want him to know of Nadia’s obsession. Maybe she had a mental problem? I wouldn’t know because my father left midday for his hunting trip with the boys.

Well I have to go now because after what had just happened in only an unbelievable half an hour, Jared is now going to share his “uberrly fantastic ghost story now.” Hmmm I have a bad feeling about that one.

Night,

-Renesmee Cullen

 

July

27th

Renesmee’s Diary – Hooked

Dear Diary,

I don’t how to put it into words. Carlisle unwrapped the mysterious box and medical instruments appeared. They were all metal and looked very vintage, something he probably used when he performed surgery half a century ago.

For some reason he didn’t want others to take such note of it, which made me even more curious. Why was this? Carlisle wasn’t one to really hide his profession and interests. He knew I was lying against the fridge, tracking his every move, so why now is he being conspicuous of his display?

“These are intruments I used a long time ago. An old friend of mine wanted me to have these . . . you can imagine how advanced the medical field has become just from comparing this”—he held up a tool, somewhat like a huge tweezer—”to this.” He now held a similar object, only tinier. Who knew learning about medical tools could be so fascinating?

But something else was on my mind. It was the obscure and elusive dream I had last night. What did it mean? Who could I talk to about it?

My mom was sitting there, right on the porch as if she were waiting for me. She was gazing into the deep forest, clearly unamused.

“Mom, I had a dream last ni—”

“Yes, I know. Your father told me,” she cut me off. Mom was quite fidgety today, I wonder why?

“So then what does it mean?”

“It means absolutely nothing.” She brushed her shoulders. I knew she was lying…my mom was the worst liar.

“Who were those women? Why was I in those places?” I asked, ignoring her lies, desperate for an answer.

“They weren’t anyone.” She sighed and sprang for the living room. Mom seemed frustrated and upset about something. What was bothering her?

I wanted to follow her, but I could not. My mom was relishing in my father’s comfort with his arms wrapped around her and a kiss on the forehead. Normally I would have been a bit disturbed by this sight of my parent’s romance, but I have more important and urgent issues and thoughts to attend to. What could possibly be wrong? Was it about me?

I would have to figure it out by myself, but first I needed to relax. The cool and collectiveness of the winter air could not lift my spirits, not now.

There was no problem finding Alice, the issue was how to not get lost in her closet. One of Alice’s favorite parts of living in New Hampshire again is that this home contains a closet that could stock clothing for all of America. The only difference, to Alice’s pleasure, is that these clothes were mostly Versace . . . and only worn once. New dresses and pumps could resuscitate my morale for a while, but it wouldn’t last.

“Oooh, would you like to try this?! It’s perfect!! You look . . . FABULOUS!” Alice did hercexuberant dance around me as she checked every angle. To top off the look, she rounded up a pearl necklace and a Juicy Couture bracelet.

“And now you need the smoky eye!” She heavily spotted a dark (but sparkly)shade of fuschia. Normally I would have protested beginning from the accessories, but today I was sucked of what joyful energy I had. I needed Alice’s liveliness to drag me into light and laughs. And she had, but with clothes. It was ok for me to splurge because nothing had really gone right today.

Besides, the makeover did help me win Jacob’s attention. Of course he loved me for who I was, but the apparel and the “smoky eyes” did add that glamour effect.

“Hey, beautiful,” he greeted and his lips met mine. We hadn’t seen each other yesterday and I missed Jacob. One of the problems being in an imprint relationship is that we find ourselves missing each other more than regular couples.

“So what do you want to do today?” Jacob had patrolled earlier today and he had the rest of the day and tomorrow off to my satisfaction.

“Well I’ve always wanted to go to the movies, like on a date. The movie Crosshairs III sounds good. . . . ” I peered at his sick expression before he transitioned it to a grin. I wonder what was the source of his sour expression—what was up with everybody today?

“All right, let’s go.” And we drove in his rabbit, hand in hand. It was quite magical, actually. For once I felt alone with him, even though there were millions of cars swarming by.

It was different and new, yet lovely to have him escort me into the theater with our hands intertwined. I felt like an actual couple just doing this, and I was glowing with delight.

I felt relief because most of the movie-goers occupied the front seats, so Jacob and I had most of the back to ourselves. I wasn’t much for PDA, especially in the theater, so I had to literally fight my highest desire and urge to kiss Jake in that dark cinema.

I wasn’t frightened by action packed/horror type of films, but I wanted to be closer to Jake. So, I feigned that I was horrified and buried my face on his shoulder. Of course he was surprised at my terror, but shielded and comforted me from my “fear.”

After the “horror film,” we settled down in his car. It was quiet and a little past nine. The moon posed as a perfect dimmed light to the romantic date.

I joined my lips with his and let my tongue explore. I used his werewolf side to my advantage and attempted to slip his shirt off in the frigid climate, but as expected he ceased my seductive act.

I sighed and slumped back into my seat. I wasn’t getting as much of Jake as I wanted (and needed).

But my hopelessness and despair soon faded when Jake walked me to the door of my home.

He dug in his pocket for something, a ring. It was a simple silver ring with a heart on it that had the letters “J” and “R” inscribed on it.

“Renesmee, please accept this ring and officially be my girlfriend,” he asked. I blushed.

“Jacob, it’s wonderful—you know I’m already yours. I love it, and I love you.” I felt a happy fever, if that was possible. My heart was pounding because my prince had just given me treasures. He firstly granted me a beautiful ring. Second, he left his handprint on my heart, forever and always.

Our smiles soon reunited and it wasn’t until my father interrupted our make out session that we stopped. I was hooked to him on a perfect night and I didn’t want to let go.

“Ahem, Nessie it’s about time for bed,” my father announced, trying to rush me inside and away from Jake as quickly as possible.

But no interruption could quiet the smile that played on my face. You could tell I had an extra glow and air to me that night. . . . Jacob made me feel like Cinderella. He had made me escape the worries I had suffered earlier.

As I was turning the light out to end my fairytale night, my mom silently crept into my room making her way towards me. Was she going to tuck me in? Was she going to inform me about what had happened this morning?

“Hey.” She kissed my forehead and stroked my hair gently.

“Hi, Mom,” I whispered with a sly grin. She may have been upset this morning and she may not have been able to supply me with the answers, but she was still my mom. And because she was my mom I loved her, and I’d always would be hooked and connected to her.

“I want to apologize for my behavior this morning,” she whispered.

“Mom, please stop right there. I was asking a question about a dumb dream that doesn’t mean much, it’s ok.” I didn’t want to nag my mom about it because now that I was in a fair mood there was no need to rally negativity.

“But it did mean something—and it meant something personally to me,” she replied. I was shocked, how could my mom relate to my dreams?

“Those women are very important. Renesmee, they are your grandmothers. The first women you saw was Grandma Elizabeth . . .and the second woman was my mother, Grandmother Renee. I’m not sure why you saw Grandma Elizabeth in a misty meadow, but you saw Renee at a baseball field because of her husband. His name is Phil Dwyer, my step-father. Phil plays for a minor league baseball team called the Suns.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to tell you earlier because your father and I didn’t want to encourage you to beg us to pay a visit to Renee….it would be impossible for me to have a daughter that appears to be fifteen now, so therefore revealing your identity is not safe. It also has to do with the fact that we’re worried you’ll be getting many more strange dreams. When I was a human I woke up in shock, confusion, and sometimes even terror from my dreams and nightmares. We’re just concerned, that’s all. I didn’t want the same thing to happen to you. Not that I can really control it. If you ever need to speak to us about these dreams, we’re here for you.”

It did make sense that Grandma Renee was in ther baseball field because of Phil. And perhaps Grandma Elizabeth was in a meadow because I spent much of my time there, so the familiar setting was kicking in my dreams. Why I had dreamt about them is still a mystery, but I’m glad I did.

My mother’s explanation swept away all confusion and all the energy I had.

She realized this and tucked the warm covers over me and planted an everlasting kiss for the night.

Time to re-energize,

-Renesmee Cullen

Thanks for reading and for those who don’t know I am joining Krystal (aka Autumn) at the Twilight Convention in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Also, I usually post a new entry every Friday, but because I am leaving Friday for Toronto I am posting a new entry now. The next entry will be posted the Friday after this Friday (back to my regular posting time). And thanks for reading!

July

24th

Renesmee’s Diary – Exposure

Dear Diary,

I’m so sorry I haven’t been able to write in you since my “mother-daughter day.” A lot has changed in a week. My guitar skills have increased, and as a quick learner I am no longer learning nursery rhymes. I have traveled much farther into deeper songs such as “American Pie” by Don McLean. I have no clue as to how this is. But then again it was only at age one or so I began to read novels.

I wanted to move on to something more complicated—writing my own song. I knew it was going to take me a while to do that. I had to start listening to music that was going to get me there. I liked almost every genre of music; Indie, pop, rock, classical. But of all my favorite was country. And the acoustic guitar was my passion, my main instrument. Sure I gained my father’s aspect on music, but in a different way. My own way.

Who was I to tell first? My father already knew, so he didn’t count. I didn’t want to bother my human friends, Kim and Emily today.  I hear that it’s Sam and Jared’s time off from patrolling. I could inquire Esme, but she too was spending time with Carlisle. There was a mad flu being spread at the hospitable and of course Carlisle was the only one to not catch it. It was his duty to work his co-worker’s shifts while they were out. It didn’t annoy Carlisle so much, except for him being separated from Esme longer. I could understand that.

Emmett, my parents, and Rosalie were off playing a game of basketball or tag to kill time. You would think that with grown adult senses they would quit with the childish games, but I can see how boring life can get when you cannot be distracted with human needs. And especially without sleep, that automatically adds an extra eight hours to your day. I just hoped Emmett wouldn’t get so competitive (I wanted my mom to return in one solid piece). Even though my mom wasn’t a newborn anymore, Emmett still felt the urge to challenge her more so than others. I concluded it was because she was so feeble as a human and he wanted to still prove her so even as a vampire. He wasn’t quite so incorrect. My mom still does manage to tumble over even as a sleek, beautiful vampire.

Jacob was patrolling endlessly today with Embry, Leah, Quil, Paul, and Seth. I knew he would see me tonight, only he’d be exhausted. His mind would be drained of concentration and focus which means I could use his half nakedness to my advantage, hmm……

That left only two people left. One couple, actually. Alice and Jasper. Alice was a great aunt, but she was very prodigal. I knew she’d herd me into trying on new apparel. I wasn’t in the mood for unnecessary enthusiasm, not now. Right now I needed to reveal that I wanted to be a songwriter. Right now I needed to tell someone that understood.

Major Whitlock was seated on the sofa, burying himself in an unrecognizable book. I was told of his past, his human life. I knew the scars had their own story. Today the scars were hidden, shielded by Jasper’s sleeves. He didn’t talk much and usually avoided me (for safety reasons). But he didn’t frighten me nor did he creep me out. He had his own reasons to keep a distance and act the way he did. I respected that.

“Good morning,” I proceeded to the leather recliner adjacent to Jasper’s seating.

“Good morning,” He made eye contact. His eyes were a safe topaz, he had hunted recently.

I didn’t ask him about what he was reading because I didn’t want to send the message that I was nosy. I also didn’t want to intrude on his personal activity, but I needed to tell someone.

I was well aware country music originated in the 19th century, but I had the feeling Jasper might be the only one to connect with me on this. Telling him was a smart too because he wouldn’t tell a soul. He’s one of the quietest vampires you’ll ever hear of. Alice might accidentally blurt it out somewhere, and I wanted to tell others myself.

“So, you like country music?” I wasn’t trying to sound so obvious or obnoxious. Just because he was born in Texas doesn’t mean he favors country music at all.

“I don’t care much for any music. But country music is fine. Much better than most modern music.” I didn’t expect him to say anymore on the subject, which he didn’t. Here was my chance to jump at the truth. It was either I told him now, or never. Jasper wouldn’t have much persistence from ignoring his book for long.

“I love country music. That’s why I play the guitar. What do you think if I wrote a song?” He didn’t look shocked as I had supposed he would. Jasper was the one filled with surprises.

“If that’s what you like, then do it,” I wasn’t sure if I was intimidating him, or keeping him company.

“Was there a lot of music in the army?” Ok, it wasn’t a great idea to start with the Confederate Army, but I was curious. My mom would have scolded me and apologized for me. But Jasper’s expression was now a grin. A grin? And a chuckle too……what did I do now?

“Yes, there was now that I think of it. I always remembered the night before my transformation, but never the fun times with my soldiers…..we sang songs. That’s about it. I don’t remember if someone brought a banjo along. But we sang and danced to celebrate victories and increase moral,” His eyes glistened under the lamp light, as if dawning on something he’d never crossed before.

“I…I can’t believe I forgot about the jolly times we had….I guess my attention to my human life was always set on my transformation night….I do recall though that I loved my work as a major, but as far as positives go, that’s it.” Well we were going somewhere. I had reunited Jasper with the light (Alice did the job first). He could now see a day as a human where all was well. Not all his human memories had to be dark and depressing. At least I had done that, even if my sole purpose was to expose the truth of my desire to be a songwriter.

Jasper grabbed my guitar and strung the guitar strings. I didn’t mind because it wasn’t often you saw Jasper doing something heart-lifting. He played an unfamiliar song, but it sounded very vintage. He was also humming and mumbling lyrics at certain points. His foot tapped to every beat in which every way the rhythm had danced to. This was very rare, something I’d never seen Jasper perform before. He was talented, alright. He was experienced and all this time he didn’t inform me of this.

He sensed my appreciation of his performance. I was in such awe that I didn’t applaud when his outstanding song finished.

“This is a song popular back in my time in the army,” He explained to clear any confusion. Either way, I adored the song.

“You’re really talented. D’think you could teach me that? That’s if you’re comfortable…?”

So Jasper, the silent vampire became loud today. But loud in a productive way of course. He taught me every note I needed to know of in the vintage song. I was sure I could rack up something for my very own song. It would be a modern song with a vintage twist. I thanked Jasper for the lesson and departed for the pack’s living room.

Jacob was lazily resting on the couch that hogged the center of the living room. I didn’t want to wake him, so I took the opportunity to chat with my adoptive grandparents.

I didn’t mind walking back and forth from the pack house to Cullen household because I found walking as a lovable pastime. It was soothing to be out and about in the fresh, crisp cool air of New Hampshire.

The aroma of savory baked chocolate chip cookies hooked my feet, making a swift sprint to the kitchen. Esme was expecting me (or a hungry werewolf) as she patiently awaited while I hoarsed down the cookie that was melting in my mouth.

Esme had also prepared milk which perfectly accompanied to the warmth of the devoured treat.

“How. Do. Vampires cook so well? It’s not fair! I wish I could cook like this.” Esme formed her motherly smile, accepting my compliment.

“Years and years of practice and watching cooking shows. You know some vampires are fortunate enough to have diners. There’s no use in cooking something no one will eat.” I nodded my head in agreement as I sipped through the cool, creamy milk. Esme had a point. Not to shy away from being modest, but what she said was true. If you love to cook, but have no one to eat your creation, what’s the use in wasting food?

“Smells heavenly,” Carlisle dashed into the kitchen placing his Mercedes keys on the hook. He pecked Esme’s cheek and placed a strange box on the counter.

“Hello dear,” He greeted me. I have missed Carlisle since he has been doing far more than double shifts at the hospitable. I had thought he was spending time with Esme, but apparently he had just came from somewhere. He probably took a visit to the post office to pick up a his package or something.

I pondered what was inside the box. Carlisle would have said something about it if it was alright to share. I guessed it was one of his medical instruments or personal items.

I wanted to scurry for the pack’s house but it was too late. I’d have to Jacob tomorrow, but if by chance he were up I could text him.

My father tucked me in bed, and my mother planted the kiss on my forehead. And my father hummed me a lullaby, a sweet lullaby that sounded like it was played by piano.

I wanted to stay up to text Jake, but I couldn’t. Even the sugar from Esme’s cookies could not stir up my brain to take anymore light, or action. I was ready to sleep.

I dozed off to the gentle silence of the house. I drifted away to a world of peace.

In my dream I could see a woman with bronze hair and green eyes creeping into a misty and eerie meadow. She was looking through me, and staring at my skin glowing in the sunlight. She was covered in a long, ancient dress. Something you’d see in a movie with the setting in the early 20th century.

Another woman, about the same age appeared. Only she had brown hair, the same shade as mommy’s. Her blue eyes sparkled in the sunlight, and was too astonished at my exposure. She shone more skin than the first woman. The stranger casted an army green tank top and jean shorts.

There was something about these women that reflected on me, not just the sunshine. I couldn’t quite get at it because something awoke me.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Carlisle checked my temperature. He was in his white doctor’s coat, studying my face. I looked around the room to see black and white. Was I alright? Where was I?

I realized my face was drowning in sweat and I felt hot and feverish. What was this?

A nurse with a white hat entered the room strenuously announcing “This influenza is sweeping the entire city to God’s door.”

Influenza? And then I found myself covering my ears to cheers for the home team at a baseball game. What the heck?

“Go Suns!” The crowd bellowed as they did the wave.

Who were these women? And what were these places?

My pupils locked themselves with my digital alarm clock and I aligned myself with reality. It was just a nightmare, or a haunting dream. The question was, how did the odd women and places connect? Why was my dream so obscure? And what lyed beneath Carlisle’s box.

I’ll explain the mysteries in my next entry.

Time to mob the fridge for breakfast,

-Renesmee Cullen

 

July

16th

Renesmee’s Diary – A New Experience

Dear diary,

With all this time I was spending with Jacob I missed my mom. I couldn’t ignore her, after all she was my mom who raised me. I also found that I couldn’t ignore the feeling that we haven’t been bonding enough. I really wanted my mother to know from me that I was missing her presence, not from my father who with no doubt was reading my thoughts now. I had nothing to do today, and I hoped that remained the same for my mom’s schedule. Jacob was patrolling most of the day and it was my father’s turn to hunt.

So I faintly tip-toed down the stairs to the living room, not wishing to disturb the peacefullness of the silence my mom fostered up reading her book. Even with my attempt, I knew she could hear me. And so could the others in the house.

She gazed her attention to me when I was near with a warm smile plastered on her face.

“Is something wrong, Nessie?” Her face formed a worried crease.

“No, momma. I just thought today would be a great day to…do something!” I responded with as much excitement I could. Would my mother really want to turn me down?

I had no idea what to do with her anyway. I don’t think we could do a spa sort of thing or paint fingernails. My mom wasn’t into shopping either. And if we were going to do something together, we both had to like it. I considered a movie, but that was too bland. And now I think I was over thinking this because my mom didn’t even agree to do anything, yet.

“Of course we can. What do you want do?” She shut her book closed, awaiting my reply. I still had no idea, but at least she was willing to spend time.

When I was little my mom just cuddled with me and played like you would with a child, but now I was older. What could we do that we both liked? There was reading, but my mom was just doing that now.

“To be honest I have no clue.” And I shrugged, helplessly, somewhat embarrassed that I made an invitation without an objective.

“Let’s take a walk, then.” My mom offered. I was very grateful because a walk was exactly what I needed. My mom and I could talk, perhaps learn new things about each other in fresh air.

“So, what career is it that you wanted to pursue? When you were a student, I meant.” I was trying to avoid the word “human” in case anything negative would come up from that word, so I used “student” instead.

“I don’t think I actually know or remember….” She pursed her lips, trying to remember her human days.

“Well definitely not a doctor or a nurse for sure, didn’t you mention once that blood made you sick?”

“No, it was your father actually who noted that once, but your right, the medical field was and is certainly not fit for me,” She glared at me as is remembering something I wouldn’t understand.

“I always shied away from blood until I was pregnant with you, you know. I had to consume what you needed…and desired. And that was blood. So instead of craving things normal mothers craved like unhealthy foods, I craved and needed blood to sustain me. I didn’t like the idea of drinking blood at first, but when I needed it, I forgot about my grudge against it.” I wasn’t sure whether I should be ashamed that I made my mother drink something that had made her sick, or proud. I mean, didn’t drinking blood before becoming immortal train her? My mother didn’t seem to notice my distraught and said her explanation positively.

“So, how are your guitar lessons going so far?” She questioned, remembering my father’s bitterness on the subject.

“They’re going swell. Dad already taught me two songs, now; Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Miss Mary Mack. We’re progressing, well I am. I really enjoy spending my time with him and my guitar. I named her after you.” My mother’s eyebrows wrinkled into confusion.

“My guitar, I meant. I hear that musicians name their guitar, a connection thing. Only, my guitar’s name is your maiden name. I like the sound of Swan, so I kept it.” I grinned a crooked smile, a natural expression. I can form a regular smile, but I have to think about. And my mom shot a smile right back, but it wasn’t crooked like Daddy’s.

“Why don’t you have a crooked smile like Daddy’s?” I had to get to the bottom of this once and for all. The logical explanation was that I inherited from dad, but I just wanted to clarify it.

“Because I can’t. You carried on your father’s lovely crooked grin. I absolutely love that grin, and I wish I had it.” So I was right. I found that I inherited many of my father’s qualities than my mother’s. One could only see her chocolate brown eyes in me. Sure I had Grandpa Charlie’s curls, but that wasn’t my mom’s.

We had been walking for quite some time, but I wasn’t tired. I wanted to get into the groove of long hikes. According to Alice I have “model genes,” but I’d still like to spruce up my figure with some physical exercise. And I favored jogging, running, and hiking in the woods, but I had to be with a werewolf or vampire that my parents trusted at all times. It was just too dangerous for me to be on my own, even on trails near humans. Being indoors with a treadmill wasn’t going to cut it. The massive, titanic evergreens captured my interest and imagination. I loved the outdoors, the coldness of winter. The way snow melted on my nose and in my mouth. The way I always won snowball fights against Jacob. Well, I  really liked the rain, any cold wet thing. Maybe it was the way I was raised, maybe it was just my personal preference. It didn’t matter.

One thing caught my eye as the sun crept its way out of the heavy, gray clouds. It was the reflection of my mother’s engagement ring, sparkling in the dead and severely wet covered forest. Of course my mother’s skin glittered too, but I was used to that. I never really took a good glance at the ring. It was simply beautiful. The way the tiny diamonds spotted the oval was simply gorgeous, like my mother.

Sure I’ve seen pictures of my mother as a human, courtesy of herself. She explained that she was using her parent’s graduation presents, a camera and an album. The pictures were held in an album that hid somewhere in the attic. And may I add my mother was a stunning human, nevertheless of what others might have to say.

“Renesmee,” She checked her watch.

“Are you getting hungry? It’s past noon…” She stared, waiting for my response.

I shook my head no. Ok, I was kind of lying because I was a little hungry. I could of pulled it off, except for the rumble in my stomach.

My mom chuckled and ushered me to the house, rushing to the kitchen.

“It’s alright mom, I can prepare my own food.” But she wouldn’t let me get up from the kitchen island stool.

She cooked something I’d never eaten before, a dijon mustard chicken sandwich. Which I must compliment was cooked miraculously compared to roasting a turkey in the oven for hours. Not one word was said as I chowed down on the dish. This was my way of complimenting the cook.

“You didn’t have to deny your hunger for me, Nessie.” She added with a chuckle. It was good that she wasn’t taking it the wrong way. I loathe lying to my mom, but I find I don’t spend much time with her. And what she said was true, in a way I was still spending time with her. But communication wasn’t flowing when I was eating.

Just then Alice popped up, flaunting a new Dolce and Gabbana dress, can you believe it?

“What do you think?” Alice frozed in a Heidi Klum pose.

“Nice,” My mother announced, almost in an artifical sense as if this didn’t meet her concern. (Which it didn’t).

“It’s fabulous, and very dashing!” I said to ease my mother’s “compliment.”

“Want to try on some new clothing I bought, Nessie?” Alice asked, hopping up and down, practically dancing with…excitement.

“No, thanks. I think I’ll chill with my mother today.” I pointed to my mom.

Alice’s face developed a deep frown, but she soon got over the rejection because she sprinted away all jolly like nothing had happened. Boy is Alice one unique and animated figure.

As I devoured and savored the very last bite of my sandwich, Rosalie marched her way into the kitchen.

“Well I just came to let you know that I’m leaving to go hunting with the boys and Esme. I’ll return with them.” My mom nodded, acknowledging Rosalie’s departure.

My mom cleared my plate off the table and cautiously placed it in the dishwasher. It was easy for her to break plates, even when she didn’t have any intention of doing it. This was the same for all the vampires.

“Mom, you beat Rachel Ray and Emeril Lagasse on cooking. Didn’t you stop cooking a long time ago? Seven and a half years to be exact?” I remembered Grandpa Charlie complimenting my mother’s fine culinary skills when she was human, but wouldn’t these skills be none if the practice of cooking was forgotten?

“I still watch T.V., and once you’ve learned something as, or was important in life you never forget it, really. Cooking is pretty simple. And that recipe is really easy to make. Want me to teach you?” Did I? Of course I wanted to learn this, Jacob would be flattered if I made this!

So for the next hour she went through step-by-step of the recipe and all the basic info. I mean, who knew a vampire would teach a human (well half-human anyway) how to cook?

We then settled down in the living room, chatting for a few hours like old friends at a reunion or something.

“Mom, is it true that Alice and Rosalie put together some sort of a baby book for me?”

“Why, yes that is true. Wait here and I’ll go get it.” My mom darted for the attic.

When she came back, she was carrying a fat book, a pink one. How many pictures did Alice and Rosalie take? How much money did they spend on it?

“Well here you are after birth….” I looked like an average baby, but I had the familiar pale white skin. I was so tiny, but beneath each picture was a caption stating my age. It was only after one week of birth that I appeared as a toddler to the eye.

And as I was taking a shower I thought about all the things that had occured during the day with my mom. I discussed things I knew about her, and learned some new things. And in a new experience, a mother-daughter day. A day I didn’t have with my mother in a long time. Well I was pleased with today and I want more. I want to learn more things about my mother and her past and personality. I realized I knew more about daddy than her. Sure I was a “daddy’s little girl,” but that did not serve as an excuse for not knowing my mother. I’m an awful daughter.

“Mom!” I hollered for her presence as I climbed under the plush covers of my bed.

She came exactly only five milliseconds from my cry.

“Yes, dear? Is something wrong?” she checked.

“No, I just wanted to thank you for making me lunch and dinner. And just for spending your time with me today. And more importantly, I wanted to let you know that I love you, momma.” I added a gentle grin.

“I love you too, Renesmee.” And with that she tucked me in like she did years ago, and planted a good night kiss on my forehead.

I could now sleep serenely, with respect for my mother established. I could now sleep, knowing that my mother knew I wouldn’t switch her for any other mother in the world. I hoped she received that message.

Time to sleep,

-Renesmee Cullen <3

 

July

9th

Renesmee’s Diary – A New Feeling

Dear Diary,

“Go Jacob, you need to spend time with the pack. You won’t even miss me.” I pleaded for Jacob to go on the camping trip. He’d said he didn’t want to leave without me because he had to be here to protect me.

I assured him I was perfectly fine staying at home with the protection of the Cullens. I projected images of Carlisle and Esme on stand-by, waiting for any predator or harm into his head.

“Ready, Jacob?” Nadia crept behind him, placing her palms of his shoulder. This wasn’t some sort of “friendly” pat on the shoulder, this was a firm hand glued to his shoulder. Nadia didn’t glare at me once, except to give me that sour smile of hers.

I pondered what was Nadia’s problem. She seemed nice when we were introduced, but at one point she began to act rotten. And not just rotten to anyone, just me. I concluded that maybe it might have something to do with me being partially being a “cold one,” but Nadia had no knowledge of the vampire and werewolve world. So, then what was her deal?

“Yeah, I’ll meet you with the pack in a sec.” Jacob kissed me heavily and worriedly.

I touched his cheeks again and showed images of me being content at home with my father.

He formed a quick grin and joined the others awaiting an exciting camping trip.

“Renesmee, you’re surprise is here.” Announced my dad who although was the reason for my separation of Jacob, was being a good sport. He was trying to cheer me up, even more so than he should be. I wasn’t sure if I should be questioning why my dad was being more cheerful than necessary. Usually it related to something he knew that others didn’t, meaning he had read something important in someones mind. But I didn’t want to explore the possibilities, I wanted to dive into my surprise.

It was wrapped neatly in expensive wrapping paper. My father probably paid for it to be wrapped.

“No, I didn’t. I wrapped it myself.” Of course he did, he could do everything perfectly. My father was the power, the drive of perfection.

The appearance of the wrapping paper rapidly transformed into an acoustic guitar.

Besides my mouth forming an “O” shape and my frozen position, I was bursting with excitement. It only took a me a minute to finally hug and thank my father. So he was granting me permission to pursue the guitar.

“Nessie, I apologize for not accepting your interest in guitar earlier. I guess I just wanted you to carry on my piano playing ways. Accept my apology by using this gift to pursue your dream.” He flashed the same crooked smile, as I had been since I’d unwrapped the instrument.

I ran my fingers through the strings.

“Here let me adjust the guitar strings for you to enhance the sound.”

He didn’t just adjust the strings, he adjusted my attitude. I was so overjoyed that it distracted me of Jake’s absence. He taught me so much in one day I already knew how to play “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.”

“Nessie, it’s really your talent  and passion that’s driving you forward. It has nothing to do with me being your teacher, you’re the one learning so fast. Well get a good night’s rest.” And with that farewell he planted a kiss on my forehead.

 

The next morning I savored the thought of Jacob’s return. I had no idea what had happened on the trip, but I knew Kim and Emily would fill me in.

And what was supposed to be a gleeful, happy reunion wasn’t. I could clearly see the entire pack emerge from the forest. They all look bummed about something, but tried to keep it to themselves. They were hiding something. But I didn’t take note of that so much as to the fact that Jacob and Nadia weren’t with them. Did they get lost? Did something happen between Jake and Nadia? Did I want to know about this?

Emily and Kim immediately ran towards me as if I needed aid. This wasn’t good because now they were going to reveal that Jacob was hurt or something. I braced myself for the worst news possible by taking in a few deep breaths. Emily was the first to arrive, and had a look of pity on her face. Kim soon bounced her way over and shared the same expression of pity on her face.

“Well Renesmee, we have no other way of telling you this….I hate to break it to you, but something happened between Jacob and…..” Emily began, nervously scratching her scalp.

“Nadia…, she kissed Jacob. We’re very sorry.” The eye popping news shattered my heart into a million pieces….a feeling I’d never felt before. I was heart broken, devastated, and jealous. Me, Renesmee Cullen, was jealous. I’d never felt such a feeling like it before in my life. I guess it’s because I’d never had to even consider having competition before.

I could see how Nadia could be seen as attractive. She had rich charcoal black hair, and magnificent hazel eyes. She had a pretty figure too, not the model-type, but not exactly average either. She just had an extra air to her that made her so graceful and envious. I admit it, I envied Nadia. But that doesn’t excuse her kissing my man.

This is the part I would really like to exclude from my entry, as it can appear disturbing. But I’ve let you guys into my personal life as it is already, so I’ll share this with you.

“Whoah, Nessie you’re eyes! They’re, they’re glowing red!” Exclaimed Emily in pure shock.

Red? My eyes couldn’t be the color red. They could only remain milk chocolate brown, what was happening? Before panic waved over me, I thought about it. Anger had roared over me and then Emily declared of my eye’s being red. But how could anger result in the eye color change?

My dad rushed to my side to clarify if my eyes were actually red. His wide eyes were all I needed to confirm the truth. My dad’s appearance was also a reminder. Now I knew why he was doing all that extra cheering up last night. He knew Nadia must of had romantic feelings for Jacob and he didn’t want me to know.

“Dad what’s happening?!?!” I now panicked, confused not knowing what to do.

“I think you need to calm down, Nessie. Come inside.” He ushered me into the house, but my heart and mind still wandered off where Emily and Kim stood.

I wanted to know where Jacob and Nadia were. I wanted to confront Jacob, after all he didn’t want to kiss Nadia, right? It was Nadia that kissed him. And as for Nadia, she better find Jackie Chan to defend her because right now I’m in the mood to pluck her eyes and lips out. If she wants the full kissing experience, I’ll just throw in the “kiss of death.” I wonder how she’ll like that.

Right now I was feeling a lot of emotions. Jealousy, anger, depression, and anxiety. I didn’t know how to control myself. I’ve been angry and upset before, but this tops all the other times. Even the thought of threatening Nadia overshadowed the real Renesmee who had a good heart. I was becoming a monster.

“You cannot see her. You’re eyes are a vile red shade.” He was talking about Nadia, of course. My dad heard of my thoughts, but he did not scold me for them. His main focus was calming me down.

“Whooahhh where’d she get those eyes?” Emmett shot out of the kitchen with Rosalie. Esme followed closely behind, bathed with worry.

“It seems that after disturbing news, she flooded into a mixture of negative emotions that caused her to have red eyes. I’m not quite sure how she has these eyes, but this is my best prediction.” My dad said, still staring into my irises.

I peeked out the window to see Jake loom from the forest into the backyard. He seemed pretty pissed, actually. His arms were crossed, probably to keep himself from phasing. I wanted to be there, to comfort him. I wanted him to comfort me. I needed him.

To my relief he was making his way to the Cullen house. He searched the clothing bin for a shirt and dressed himself, drowning in worry, anger, and anxiety.

His eyes first caught mine. Our eyes locked for a moment and of course he was shocked with the color, but he saw through that. He saw the hurt in my eyes, the sadness.

Through the corner of my eye I spotted Nadia filing through the backyard. I swiftly reached for Alice’s Coco Chanel sunglasses nearby, and just like that I dashed past everyone, through the door reaching speeds that I didn’t think humans could reach. My immediate response was to attack Nadia, but I somehow put that to a halt. Nadia did hurt me, but she didn’t deserve to be threatened, injured, or killed.

But to my shock Nadia flashed an evil smirk. So she didn’t care at all, and she was so flattered by my jealousy that she didn’t mind the sunglasses in the cold, wet, and gray sky day. This wasn’t good because my anger zoomed back into my mind. I knew I couldn’t reveal the whole vampire thing, but my anger wouldn’t allow me to cease what I was about to do.

I reached the ground for a few rocks and placed them in my palm, clear enough for Nadia to see.

“Renesmee! Stop!” This is when my family and Jacob came, circling behind me.

“Renesmee, sister, let’s solve this calmly like adults,” my father announced, posing as my brother like he did in public and in front of humans.

My father’s willingness to be rational with Nadia erupted my anger. I hid my palms with the rocks behind my back and twisted and crushed them a few times. And just to make sure my message of pure infuriation was known, I released my palms, letting the dusty remains of the rock ease out of my hands. I, Renesmee Cullen, had turned rock into sand because I was mad. Who knew madness let out my immortal side?

After that I felt embarassed. I now realized how ridiculous I had been. I relaxed myself by taking a few breathers and reached for my mom who’d just returned from hunting with Alice. At this moment I did forget and ignore that she was my “sister,” but I needed her support.

My mom was clueless, but did not shirk supporting me when I was in need. To cover it up I asked, “How was the hiking trip? I missed you while you were gone.” While I was confronting my mother, Jacob said a few things to Nadia. She nodded and left. I was left in my mother’s arms, dazed, and not in a good way.

That night I shed many tears while taking my bath so no one would notice the difference when I stepped out. I wanted to see Jake, but at the same time I didn’t want to see him.

Eventually, during a commercial break of my favorite TV show, Jake appeared through my doorway.

“Hey, Nessie.” He weaved his hand with mine.

“Are you upset with me?” I shook my head no. Upset was the last word I felt about him. It wasn’t his fault. Nadia kissed him.

“I’m very sorry for what happened. I didn’t restrain at first because Nadia kissed me while I was sleeping in my tent. It was really creepy.” He shook off the thought.

“You see, Nadia moved away from La Push one year before your mother came to Forks. According to your father she has a crush on me, and has since she left La Push. But there’s no need to fret, I prefer bronze-haired girls.”

I giggled, relieved. “It’s okay, Jakie. None of this is your fault.”

“Well your eyes are brown again. I’m glad because you looked pretty freaky with the red eyes.” He caressed my cheeks and I embraced his touch. He was mine and I was his.

“You’ll always be in my heart, Renesmee. And no one else. I promise,” he pledged, kissing away tears that I didn’t notice were trickling from my pupils until now.

“Forever,” I agreed.

And with that I fell asleep, resting peacefully in my soulmate’s arms.

With love (always),

-Renesmee Cullen <3

 

June

25th

Renesmee’s Diary – Similarities

Dear Diary,

I felt the sensation of Jacob’s rough hands running up and down the sides of my legs. It was a cold night, summer was about, but it’s always chilly here in New Hampshire. The only space between him and I was a lean fleece blanket that draped over my tiny body.

It was a perfect night. The stars were out, shining radiantly in the dark, obscure night sky. The view of the stars were spectacular from the porch swing on the wrap around porch that the pack owned.

I didn’t know how much closer him and I could get. My father let his wishes be known and Jacob wanted to follow them. I knew Jake and my father had a shaky past, so why did Jake want to follow Edward’s wishes? It didn’t make sense. These wishes were to protect me. To keep me held in the security of my father’s palms.

I knew my father was acting like Grandpa Charlie, now that I think of it. He is very protective of me and highly dislikes Jake. But he must understand, like with Bella and Charlie, that Jake makes me happy. He makes my day, and I love him. This isn’t some sort of Barbie and Ken doll relationship, it’s for real. I truly do find myself sitting next to Jacob in thirteen years as a married couple. I find myself sitting next to him as his soul mate, as I do now.

“Man oh man, what a feast you prepared…” He said pleased, rubbing his belly.

“The feast me and Emily cooked,” I corrected him, making sure master imprintee was credited.

“Ok, the feast you and Emily made, better?” He twirled through my tousled curls. Note to self: when mashing mash potatoes, make sure the beaters don’t beat your hair. Because if those beaters do, that will result in tousled hair.

“Yeah, that’s better. Now can you carry me home? I’m getting a bit sleepy. But first I wan’t to say good-bye to everyone,” He nodded,  untangling his massive biceps from my waist.

Emily was planted on the couch, wrapped around Sam’s arms. I didn’t want to intrude so I just announced a simple “good-bye and thanks.” Of course Emily invited me back, and she even was willing to exchange her cell phone number in front of everyone to me. The other imprintees wanted to keep in touch as well, so I was more than pleased to share numbers.

Of course the only imprintee I didn’t see was Claire. She had to remain back in La Push with her parents. Quil was devastated, but he had to leave her behind until she matured enough. His number one plan was to wait until she was fourteen, then start falling madly in love with her. He assumed she would too, then neither one of them would ever want to be torn a part from one another. So, when she eventually turns sixteen, they’ll try to convince Claire’s parents to let her go to New Hampshire to live with her aunt Emily.

“And what if that plan doesn’t work out?” Asked Jacob at the time when Quil revealed his plan.

“Well I’ll just have to make a plan B, that’s all.” Quil defended himself.

And it was quite ironic too, since Claire is two years older than me, nine and a half now. But she doesn’t having the swift maturing aspect that I inherit. But we both have the most in common of all the imprintees. Along with the other traits imprintees carry, we were both imprinted upon at a very young age. Heck, I’d be in Claire’s shoes right now if I grew like a normal child.

“Ready?” Jacob asked when I was finished with the good-byes. He grabbed my hand and we strolled to my house.

My father was playing the piano, not skipping any notes. Mozart and  Beethoven would have been proud. I knew he was playing for two reasons. One, to make it appear as is he wasn’t listening in on  me and Jake’s conversation. Two, to distract himself from going too deep into our conversation, making him ill. I certainly minded him eavesdropping, but there was nothing I could do about it. He did it for my safety and his too (he wanted to make sure Jacob was regarding his wishes).

Jacob concealed me in his muscle, carrying me up the stairs and plopping me on the bed. He directed a chair beside the bed and held my hand as he had done before.

His warm hand was wonderful against the feel of my cold and sleek hand.

I smiled, blushing ruby red that stuck out on my pale white cheeks. I loathed when I blushed because it stuck out like a sore thumb that bruised my cool, calm ego. And you better bet that when he cups my cheeks it worsens.

But to my luck, he didn’t hold my cheeks. He did something much better.

He leaned in, and led to the perfect kiss. The perfect kiss led to a well…..make out session. I have to admit though, if my father is very infuriated well at least I’m happy, and very blissful.

His warm body, hands, biceps and eight-pack against my skin was surely something to celebrate. I think my heart was preparing for a marathon, with it pumping this hard.

I took full advantage of the opportunity, and traced my hand along his chest and muscles. But leave it to Jake to cease my hands from ever reaching him again.

“Ness, we can’t. I’m sorry, but you know the rules.” I huffed to his rejection, turned my head sideways, embarrassed. I tried not to touch him because I didn’t want him to read my thoughts and know I was embarrassed.

“Can you at least stay with me until twelve?” I mustered up the courage to ask, even with the rejection.

“I don’t know…but I’ll try,” He relaxed his expression to a sympathetic smile.

He was now beside me on the bed, holding me close. I was purely content resting my chin on his chest.

“I love, you.” I fished for his hand, stroking it.

“I love  you too, honey.”

“Now, question time. First, are you patrolling tomorrow? And if so, when?”

“Yes, I am. Eleven AM, to two PM.” He seemed sad about that answer.

“OK, second question.” This time I was the one devastated about the question. “If I may ask, why are you following my father’s wishes so cautiously? I mean, we don’t get to do much together. . . . ” I was itching for this answer. Why did the boy, the man, I loved follow the wishes of a man he “disliked?”

“Because I want to earn his trust for us, Nessie. I want him to break the leash he has on me. . . . I want to be able to lie with you for the whole night like this without his guidance. I want to have more privileges with you. But for now, I have to build a new layer of trust between him and I—we had a rocky past relationship. I don’t necessarily want to be his friend or anything, but I at least have to behave like a gentleman. I need to respect him, so one day he’ll respect me, and our relationship.”

I nodded, completely understanding the respect aspect. I wanted to kiss him more, but I knew he would restrain me, especially after his long speech on respecting my father and his wishes. And for doing so, I totally and one hundred percent respect Jacob.

“Jakie, can I ask you something very personal?”

“Sure.” He cracked his knuckles

“What happened to your mother?”

Sorry guys, but my eyelids are becoming very heavy now. I promise to tell what happens next in the next entry.

Love,

-Renesmee <3

 

June

20th

Renesmee’s Diary – A Father’s Day surprise

Dear Diary,

I wasn’t anticipating on recording this precious and private celebration in my diary, but I decided why not? I already let you guys into my personal life anyway.

As you know today is Father’s Day and my father’s birthday, a combo of celebrations. I didn’t write in my previous entries about my preparation for this day in fear that my readers would somehow reveal my plans to my father. I mean, I shouldn’t even count my plans as a “surprise” because he’ll just read my mind before the day of. But I thought about it in my head anyway because I needed to make my plans extra special.

It started out as a good morning kiss and hug, then expanded to a song. I wasn’t planning on singing so much as to just giving my home-made card, but it seemed the audience wouldn’t let up. The entire Cullen family and pack were in the living room watching me perform. I was singing the song I wrote for my father, hopefully a memorabilia for me and my father.

I was too nervous and flustered to care what anybody thought of the song or how spectacular I was singing. I mean, I didn’t even consider that everyone would be watching, I always pictured just my dad, or both my parents at tops. But something made me comfortable. Made me want to continue performing for the content crowd. It was my father’s crooked smile that kept me going. Was it? I’m still not sure even writing about it after it happened.

Wasn’t it easier for family and close friends to critize your acts than complete strangers? So, why wasn’t I ever embarrassed? I was proud of myself, like an actual achiever.

And if that wasn’t enough, my father wanted me to read aloud the Father’s Day and Birthday card I composed for him.

“Dear Father,

Why does one fully appreciate their father only on Father’s Day and their Birthday? Why not everyday?

Think about how many smiles can be smiled if one honored their father everyday. Well, I hope I’m doing just that, honoring you and mother every single day. Because a smile can go a long way.

And Happy Birthday, age doesn’t matter so much as wisdom does.

Love your daughter,

Renesmee”

Everyone applauded and cheered showing an abundance of approval. I was thrilled that I didn’t even spend a dime on my gift, given that that was the Cullen family’s specialty.

The only Cullen that crept away was Rosalie, of course. I wasn’t trying to tease her. I knew she would give up almost everything to see her child presenting a gift for Emmett. Emmett did miss half of my performace on account of Rosalie. I did feel a bit sympathy for her, but there was nothing that could be done about it.

I made sure Rosalie especially didn’t see the part where I hugged my dad after my display and whispered my love for him in his ear.

“Nessie, you could totally be a singer! I mean, I don’t think anyone could top that. You are superb at that. Bravo!” Alice hugged after the compliment.

And I was to receive many more compliments and hugs. Jacob was last, leaving all the hugs to me and everyone else first.

“So, now you’re going to be a singer?” Jacob questioned with an edge of approval.

“Naw, that was just for my dad’s gift.” He chuckled, this time with disapproval.

“You’re right. I’m the one with the better chances of getting into the opera.” I giggled at that one.

Well I have to go, it’s time to feed the pack.

Yours truly,

-Renesmee Cullen

Thanks for reading, and I promise to continue last Friday’s entry next Friday. I just felt it was important to assemble a quick diary entry devoted to Edward on his birthday and Father’s Day.

-Alexandra <3

June

18th

Renesmee’s Diary – A New Friend, a New Respect

Dear Diary,

As the new “wolf girl” I found myself sliding the fourth and final pot roast alongside Emily.

“Do they really eat this much? I mean these roasts look, huge!” Emily chuckled as if seeing a lost tourist for the first time. I didn’t know the pack ate this much…I know they eat as much as the Statue of Liberty would…but this was more like the amount of food that you would see if you molded four Christmas dinners together.

“Yes, we’re having an even larger crowd since the other imprints are coming. That’s why you saw me with all those grocery bags.”

“Oh, I see. Is there anything I can help you else with?” I questioned, in awe of how such a young woman could pull off such a culinary feat.

Emily shook her head no, eying the teapot. “Can I make you some tea, Nessie? That’s what you prefer to be named . . . right?”

“Mhm, it’s the name I’ve been called since I’ve been born. Jacob came up with it and I love it. And, no thanks, but thanks for the offer.”

I truly admired Emily’s smirk…She’s more than pretty, a true beauty, tres belle. Even with scars, she was too belle to be considered not. It wasn’t just on the outside, but on the inside. The qualities she possesses, graciousness, kindness, are without a doubt characteristics one holds that shine internally and externally. She is very hospitable, too. I never noticed that actually. But for whatever reason, Emily made me look past her scars. She made me look right into her warm, and loving heart. I could now see what Sam raved about.

“Please sit, Nessie. The pot roast will take a few hours.” She motioned me to sit on the titanic sized couch. It was soft, and cushy, but felt as though it was worn out. Probably was beat from the pack’s mass while they were playing the Xbox.

“So, if you don’t mind me asking, Emily, when’s the day?” She knew what I was mentioning, her wedding day.

She swiftly glared at the diamond ring and did that smirk of hers again. She reminded me of the “wolf girl” version of Esme, with her motherly like personality and actions. After all, she was the oldest imprintee and must know all the tricks of the trade to mothering and feeding the pack. Leah was a female, but a shewolf. Leah ate what Emily cooked and served.

“Well we, Sam and I, I mean,  were considering sometime around October, but we always end up holding the wedding off,” This time her smirk faded into a disappointed sigh.

“Why?” I slipped out of my mouth without at first a doubt. I didn’t mean to be rude and intrusive on her privacy, but I was curious. Since Jacob and I have been together I’ve always pondered about Emily Young and her history. She was always here, smothered in the background. But somehow, I never had the chance to hear about her life.

“I apologize. That was a rude question to ask, and you are in no way obligated to answer, sorry again.” I attempted to excuse my inappropriate question courteously.

“It’s quite alright. I have no one to talk to anyway, friend wise I mean. Our wedding plans are always suppressed due to lack of free time. Sam is always patrolling with the pack and now that he’s Alpha, he’s always occupied into something. I miss him all the time, I want my husband, not my fiancee.” For this reason I understood. If I thought Jacob was always busy and gone, well look at Sam. He is the leader of the pack, and must always be on top of everything. Sam must also monitor the pack to make sure brawls don’t begin or anything like that. He has the most responsibility of all the wolves. If Jacob hadn’t handed the Alpha rank onto Sam, I would be just as miserable as Emily.

And emily deserved one day completely of her own with Sam. That much anyone who understood  Emily and Sam’s schedule and respect knew. Because you just had to respect the leaders who were always worrying about the followers.  Emily was my leader, and I wanted to follow her as a follower, a student. I wanted her to teach me everything there was to know about loving and living with a wolf.

“I completely understand how you feel about being away from Sam all the time. It is surely painful to be separated from someone you love, someone you want to love and spend the rest of your time with. You want to be alone with him, your soul mate. I get it. Maybe you should try talking to him more about it. And if you need a wedding planner, organizer, or any assistance at all, don’t hesitate to ask me.” And with my offer, I saluted the mother Alpha.

She chuckled.

“Nessie you should come here more often. I enjoy your company, and help.”

I was touched by her invitation. I mean I’m pretty certain she felt what I felt, a new friend that got you. Someone that comprehended the reck you were living. We both were both imprintees. And I would soon become her apprentice “wolf girl.”

Because after all, I did want to know how to properly feed a pack and do all the extensive laundry work. I wanted to be disciplined into learning how to not shirk my duties as a “wolf girl,” even when times were rough and I was frustrated. These were lessons I was eager to learn now. I wanted Jacob to come home one day and appreciate me as a housewife. I wanted him to be proud. And only could these lessons and responsibilities be taught than none other than Emily herself.

We chatted up a storm of discussion, when the oven alarm buzzed.

“The pot roast!” We simultaneously announced, abandoning the couch for the succulent aroma of the kitchen.

But Emily reached for my shoulder. “Actually, Ness could you get the roast? I have to run to the bathroom.” All it took was a quick nod and she sprinted down the hall.

And just as I was pulling the final roast out of the oven, the pack and imprintees came in to be surprised that it wasn’t Emily in the kitchen.

Jacob’s jaw dropped, in utter awe, admiration and pride.

“Nessie?” Jacob breathed.

I’ll tell you guys what happens next in next Friday’s entry.

Ciao,

-Nessie <3

 

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