(Renesmee’s Diary) Irreplaceable

Dear Diary,

This morning was my birthday. I was more than ecstatic to celebrate the occasion at none other than Melody Key itself with the people I love.

It began with a simple, yet precious grin that almost too quickly bartered for a disheartened sigh. So I received the first birthday present from…Mother Nature.

“She’s awake now,” I heard my father’s echo from the corridor.

It was my parents who were to confront me of my…situation. “Nessie, can we come in?”

“Sure,” I squeaked, still shocked at the blood spattered before me, invading the cleanliness of the white crème sheets.

“Nessie, first of all, Happy Birthday, honey. Second, we’re going to have to discuss that…” My father kissed my forehead but swiftly jumped back away from the horror scene in front of him.

“We’ll just have to get you cleaned up, that’s all,” my mom offered, trying not to make things too awkward considering that there was a pool of blood seeping out from in between my legs. My mom remembers the most from being human – with female issues like a menstrual cycle – especially her first one, right?

“Hmmmph I guess Uncle Jasper won’t be able to see me for a couple of days. I’ve finally written a song….a marvelous one and Jazz won’t be around to hear it.” Alright, I know I’m mature, but I felt I had a right to pout. I was restricted from seeing my own uncle when I had written a song…something I’d been waiting to present to him for a long time. It was my birthday for Pete’s sake, and Mother Nature had to spoil my day.

The only Cullen that could abstain from killing me was of course Carlisle, but I needed a female for this “incident.” So, my mom was the brightest choice. As sharp as possible she helped me clean up and provided me with a stash of “feminine products.” Her face however, wasn’t so sharp. She was hiding something from me, and it wasn’t a birthday surprise….it was a frustrated and depressed expression. What did this mean? Should I be concerned?

“Alright go on into the kitchen for breakfast,” my mom concluded the drama that infested – what was supposed to be my day, my special day.  But in a way it was also my mom’s day, too. After all, she did give birth to me and she had to suffer a lot of pain. I know exactly what happened, too. I bit my way out of her. I wish I could blame myself, and I have at times, like my father does sometimes. I took the blame because it actually was my fault, although my parents don’t agree. Nor does anyone else for that matter. My mom just reminds me that what I did only led to her being what she’s always dreamed of being…immortal. It’s something she’d wanted for Edward, my father.

I knew how she felt. Wanting something for someone else, to be with someone else. Although she did want immortality for herself of course, but the point is I know what her intentions were in changing herself. It was for her and my dad’s irreplaceable love. So they would never have to be apart.

Sometimes I pushed myself hard to be the woman that would cater to every single of Jake’s needs. I cooked and cleaned for him. In fact, I even buy him new shirts every week because I know he’ll need them. When you love and care for someone deeply, you want to serve them. You want to make them happy.

“Happy Thirteenth Birthday, Nessie!” Everyone hollered as I entered the lofty kitchen filled with smiles. Unfortunately, Uncle Jasper couldn’t make the event as I expected.

The counter was piled with platters of junk food galore varying from Doritos to gummy worms. But my favorite treat of all time was laying in the center… ice cream. It wasn’t a container of ice cream, it was soft serve ice cream machine that was pink. How did Alice manage to eye a pink soft serve machine that provided three different flavors? Lined in front of the machine were crystal glass bowls of popular ice cream toppings that included: pink sprinkles… and pink sprinkles only. I’m pretty sure Jacob wouldn’t appreciate that, and neither would any other male.

“Happy Birthday, babe,” Jacob greeted, joining me for a intimate bear hug and a slight peck on the lips.

“Happy Birthday, Nessie.” Emily cut in with a warm hug. I actually have been trying to spend more time with the pack and the humans to avoid the problems my hickey causes. Over the past week it is merely the size of a bitty paper cut as it was never huge to begin with. I don’t even need foundation to cover it up anymore.

“Yes, I hope you have a wonderful birthday.” Kim and I too shared a hug. I wish I could get “Birthday Hugs” everyday. I wouldn’t mind.

“Nice socks,” Leah commented glaring at my striped knee high socks.

“Um, thanks.” I was searching for a compliment to say back to Leah, but she was wearing her usual tomboy gear with her hair cut short with the texture of straw.

“Helllooooo you think that’s the only present you get? Ha! The food doesn’t even count as a present! Open these,” the familiar high pitched fairy sang.

“Thanks, Alice….I love boxes with nothing in them,” I said taking note that Alice left me empty-handed, which didn’t sound like her.

“You’re already wearing it, silly,” Alice chimed, pointing to the assortment of bracelets wrapped around my wrist. Alice must have snuck them on while I was distracted.

There were three leather bracelets each embroidered with delicate rhinestones.

“Thank you, Alice!” I hugged her, embracing her sweet scent.

“That’s Auntie to you,” she corrected, dancing off somewhere.

And all of my presents were fantastic, I honestly couldn’t have asked for more. Grandma Esme and Grandpa Carlisle granted me what is known to be “the most expensive guitar picks in the world.” They were custom designed and made of meteorite, yes meteorite. I will surely put them to use soon.

Uncle Emmett and Aunt Rose presented me with a new Mac computer and some ridiculously expensive digital camera. I did like, however, how both gifts were in pink – my favorite color.

Next, my dad just had to buy me a car. A Volvo convertible in an icy blue shade that I adored. One might think this is my father’s gesture to encourage me to begin driving, but believe me it’s not. The last thing my father wants me to do is drive, although now that I think about it……..

My mom’s gift was something more cherishable. It was a vintage pearl necklace that she used of her own money to purchase for me. I have to say that I’m quite proud of my mom. She spent money on my gift, and she doesn’t agree with spending money on presents. This was by far the number one birthday of all birthdays I’ve had because my mom bought me a gift we both couldn’t argue with. It was vintage and flawless, a true beauty. Putting Rosalie and Jacob in mind though, having my mom here was enough of a birthday present.

Emily and Jacob were the only ones to remember to buy me a gift. I wasn’t furious at the pack or Kim for no presents, of course, because just having them here with me was enough.

Emily brought homemade earrings she’s prepared with some of Kim’s help. The earrings each carried a turquoise rock, making them beyond gorgeous. If you ask me though, I’d just let Emily keep them because they would look stunning on her.

Jacob displayed his fine craftsmanship with his carving. I was already expecting one of his beautiful carvings, but this one blew my mind. The carving illustrated a werewolf, Jacob, lying amongst the ground with me leaning my back onto him. We were gazing at the glorious moon. The moon was made of a silver ball that reflected off the carved figures. I loved it so much tears cascaded from my eyes as I mouthed “Thanks, I love you” to him. It had felt, and maybe appeared, like such a private moment despite the crowd’s direct attention upon us.

“Wait wait, you forgot Jazz’s present!” Alice darted for me, dropping another box.  As odd as it may sound I was “gift pooped out,” and ready to celebrate my birthday. But if this was all I could get of Jasper and honor him, I’d just have to open the box.

I didn’t pay much to the wrapping and tore it off bitter with curiosity.

It only took one chuckle to show how much I treasured this one. They were brown cowgirl boots laced with pink. It seems just yesterday I stuffed my petite feet into the cowboy boots that Uncle Jazz buries somewhere in his closet. I enjoyed flaunting them around acting like a cowgirl, or something, which always placed a sly grin on Jasper’s face. It was rare that you saw Uncle Jasper smile or laugh, so when I put on my “cowgirl act,” Alice made sure Jazz was there to see it.

Now I had my own cowgirl boots to put on a show. But no Jasper……But I could put on an actual show with my guitar and new picks. Even Alice’s bracelets fit the southern belle theme, so I didn’t remove them. Just to ensure that the boots fit well, I jogged around the house (probably working off the energy the candy gave).

When I was ready to go, I performed one of my own songs. I was surely disappointed by Uncle Jasper’s absence, but did not let that interfere with my performance. I sang as I’ve always done. “Gracefully,” as Jake describes.

When the herd of party goers hooted, clapped, and cheered I knew my musical dreams might come true. There was no replacing this birthday, not for the world.

Sorry but I have to go celebrate some more,

Nessie

Thanks for reading

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(Renesmee’s Diary) Fairest One of All?

Dear Diary,

I one hundred percent detest cutting this diary entry short, but I’m very busy right now. I’m busy hiding from my father and keeping this hickey a secret. You see I’m trying to distract myself so I ignore the thought of the hideous hickey engraved on my neck. To the plain human eye it isn’t so notable, maybe as much as a mosquito bite, but to the sharp vampire eye it is clear.

As planned, I snatched Alice’s designer makeup collection (which was not light by the way….who knew makeup could be so heavy?) and lugged it directly to my desk. Given that there were Alice’s cosmetics, already towed away in the massive makeup set was a majestic mirror awaiting a flawless reflection. The reflection of a pale white “angelic” face flattered with milk chocolate pupils and silky curls. I never saw myself as vain or conceited, but now I denied that. I thought of myself as quite beautiful as I froze my eyes on the reflective glass. All that was needed was for the mirror to announce me as “the fairest one of all.”

But how could I have been the “fairest one of all?” I was the daughter who reprimanded her father’s wishes….I could have dismissed Jacob’s act of um erm…biting, but I didn’t. I didn’t because I got pleasure out of the way the bite felt…it was so right, so necessary.

Being the fairest one of all didn’t mean you were the “prettiest” or “gorgeous.” Being the fairest maiden meant you presented beauty on the inside and made proper decisions and even sacrifices. No, I’m not modeling myself after Snow White. I’m just saying I should behave more responsibly from now on. No matter how much my insane hormones object to this proposal, I’m sticking with it. Because you only have one life, one chance to make it right.

I suppose I should credit Alice more for the foundation since there are no productions of foundation in the pale white vampire complexion. Unless of course you’re opting to purchase clown or costume makeup, it’s impossible to spot authentic foundation in white. Maybe Alice had it custom made? It didn’t matter because for once Aunt Alice’s weakness for fashion saved my life.

I wasn’t quite accustomed to using makeup as I usually only added a bit of lip gloss, but it all seemed so…enticing. Afer I sponged on the foundation to mask the hickey, I tampered through all the eye shadow selections. The colors were arranged in a certain order; darkest to lightest ranging from a deep plum to a nude color. I never favored makeup much, but that was because I didn’t consider it. In fact, just peeking through all of the Lancôme offerings tempted me to try them all. Since when has makeup ever fascinated me?

A touch of sweet pea shades and some peach lipstick did the trick, or so I thought.

“No, what are you doing?!!?” Alice stammered, dancing into the room drenched with agitation. Of course she wasn’t furious angry, with her being Alice and all, but she was pretty exasperated.

My senses and whole “Snow White” promise wiggled back. I had forgotten about it, blinded by the luxury of expensive makeup. Even worse, I still used Alice’s makeup without her permission….I’m positive she regrets throwing platinum birthday bashes for me now. I stole from my aunt which was an automatic sin.

“You’d look better with this shade, not that one.” She pointed out to nudes and soft pinks. We both laughed together, but for different reasons. I found humor that Alice wasn’t upset with my what appeared-to-be a forgiven felony. Alice finds my  lack of beauty-product knowledge funny, to say lightly.

“Hmmm I can’t fix this in this state…we’ll have to start from scratch,” she chimed as she examined my face and began scrubbing all over.

“What’s that ugly menacing…….” So my aunt had discovered my hickey. I guess the foundation didn’t save my life after all. And now, especially after stealing Alice’s makeup kit, I had no chance but to keep it a secret. Even if Alice had kind intentions, she’d eventually think about the hickey by accident resulting in the end of my love life for my entire life once my dad heard the thought. Lately my dad has been granting me and Jake space, but a hickey was just going too far, maybe.

“Ok ok ok, Alice it’s a hickey, alright!” I didn’t want to include Jake into this for the sake of his own life so I’d sacrifice myself for the blame.

“I asked Jacob to give me one because I was curious…please don’t let this get into my dad’s head, please,” I begged mercifully like dramatic actresses in films.

“I knew I smelled something off when I walked in….that’s why I came to see you.” Then I realized what my hickey meant. It started as a simple romantic gesture and was now jeopardizing my life, literally. My bruise, my splotch of unsealed blood would hurt the rest of my family. I didn’t even think about it and I’m absolutely sure Jake didn’t either. So I risked getting mauled by eight vampires who just happen to be family.

“Alice please help me,” I continued.

“Alright. But only if you promise to let me give you a makeover everyday for the rest of this family vacation the way I want,” she answered, flashing a quirky grin, an Alice grin.

“You have a deal.” What choice did I have? We couldn’t even shake on it because Alice already dashed out of the room probably to collect medical supplies from Carlisle.

After one short breath of relief Alice returned with medical supplies in hand and a mysterious minute box wrapped with some designer label wrapping. I pondered what was in there, but never suspect anything with Alice, she’s full of surprises.

Alice worked her way up to the final touches of makeup, or so she had told me. I wouldn’t have known because she removed the mirror, refusing that  to let me see myself until I was a finished product.

“We just have to cover the eyelashes and we’re perfecto,” she said almost too much more bubbly than usual. I propped myself up ans stayed as still as a vampire while the pixie applied Lancôme mascara.

When she completed her end of the deal for the day, I was overjoyed because although I held new warm feelings for cosmetics, I loathed sitting still for over an hour. I jumped up storming with excitement, until Alice sat me back down.

“No, you’re not done, yet.” How much longer? I don’t think I could handle such agony anymore.

She reached for the mysterious box she had brought earlier. Inside revealed false eyelashes. For me? If she thought I was going to wear phony hair particles, she thought wrong. I did consider protesting, but I knew this deal was a promise. Alice didn’t scorn me for stealing her makeup which added to the guilt, so I suppose this was fair.

“Ok, hold still for one more minute…” She gently released the false lashes onto the originals. Alice made improvements, adjusting the eyelashes by separating each one.

“And now…..we have a beauty queen,” Alice proclaimed wavering the vanity mirror every which way.

This time my reflection was fair on the outside and inside. I allowed Alice to…er..beautify me and my look was truly magnificent. I would have assumed I were a princess looking at myself. I looked slightly like Emilie De Ravin when she flaunted a curly hairdo and most definitely resembled Taylor Swift. I looked like a star, a celebrity. Maybe I was a beauty queen for once. And I liked it.

Sorry but I have to see Jake’s reaction.

With love (always),

Nessie (A.K.A the fairest maid in the land)

P.S-I’ll have to discuss the hickey problem further with Jake and Alice since Jasper might well…you know.

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(Renesmee’s Diary) Paradise

Dear Diary,

A vacation of a lifetime is all I’m asking for. Just one getaway with Jacob and no interruptions or distractions. That’s it.

My mom wants to have pure family time the entire vacation with activities like scuba diving, fishing, rock climbing, and various other sports. (Although some others, like Rosalie, don’t appreciate my mom calling the pack and their imprints family).

According to my dad, Melody Key was more than double the size of Isle Esme and much more suited for a family vacation with high cliffs and a soaring array of mountains. But if you ask me, I’d tell you that one island would not suffice for an entire wolf pack. I mean, palm trees aren’t as sturdy as the mighty evergreens back at home. And if you rouse Paul near the sprouting coconut tree, forget it. Jacob boasts that he can shred a vampire  within seconds, so why would a coconut tree– a germinating coconut tree to be exact– survive the bashing of a firebrand werewolf? But my father insisted the wolves would keep it under control, especially whilst on vacation. I just can’t help that I have an undying love for everything, even coconut trees.

“Nessie, hop on, I think some people are eager to arrive,” my mom called, invading my vast thoughts and imagination.

Jacob swiftly ushered me into the Cullen’s yacht that would ship us to Melody Key. “Hurry Ness, I think Paul and Jared are becoming restless and impatient. We haven’t eaten since the plane ride and I think I’m going to blow too if we don’t get to this freakin’ island soon.”

By now I was immune to the Cullen’s luxury lifestyle, but it appeared the pack wasn’t. They even stole a few extra crackers from the airplane, exclusive to first class passengers. I would have found this humorous if not for the angst caused by their hunger. I just hoped the crackers would tide them over until we reached paradise.

Got to go now; I’ll write about the island when we arrive.

Nessie

Dear Diary,

So we’ve arrived and the pack is not only suffering from starvation, but exhaustion. It’s funny how they can be so drowsy after sleeping for half of a ten hour flight.

But enough about the pack and on to my plans for Jacob and I. I would do everything with him, even rock climbing – which my aunt Alice wasn’t fond of. She claims it will ruin all of the coordinated outfits she planned for me to wear, basically “destroying all the love and effort she put into designing the attire.” Hmmph, “designing?” She means driving Uncle Jasper’s Audi R8 to the nearest shopping mall and purchasing overpriced apparel at ridiculous boutiques.

At least my mom has the keen sense to only allow me to shop designer items when there is a sale. I was more worried of what Alice packed me; I mean I was too busy absorbing my energy and time into my “Jacob plans” that I surpassed Alice’s bubbly pleas to pack my luggage for me. Either I was that desperate for Jacob or it was all out of pure stupidity and insanity.

Of course my father was chuckling at my panic as he hauled my suitcase atop my bed. Apparently I was in Aunt Rosalie’s room, but there was no purpose in her quarters, or any of the other Cullen’s chambers if they did not sleep. So, it was enlisted to me because I was the only Cullen that slept.

The pack and their imprints were escorted to their guest home, about the same size as my home in New Hampshire. The Melody Key mansion was twice the size of our New Hampshire home and was modeled after a castle. Grandpa Carlisle thought I’d get a kick out of my room because it resembled Rapunzels’s room, really. The basic essentials of a bedroom were furnished on the main floor, making it seem like your average sleeping quarter. But hidden behind a walk-in closet remained a spiral staircase that led to a heaping tower that overlooked the heavenly sea. It was the most extraordinary room in the entire castle and I had the honor to sleep in it.

The rest of the chamber consisted of many walk-in closets each with different designer brands, alphabetically fashioned. How much time did Alice spend in here? I’m actually writing in you from a marvelous hand crafted cherry wood desk, constructed from the 1700′s. My father says this desk is perfect for someone who anticipates spending some of the vacation with penmanship – and by ‘someone’ he’s referring to me.

The desk is wide enough for my list of activities with Jake that include a lot of “mouth to mouth” if you know what I mean *wink wink* There is even a vintage typewriter that inherits a bubblegum pink color; neat huh? Although why or how Alice found the typewriter is beyond me.

I really wanted to explore the island before unpacking, but it was sunset and the twilight sky would soon exchange the orange and crimson melted backdrop. My parents wouldn’t ever permit me to travel at night by myself so I erased the idea. Judging from the pack’s previous behavior I assumed they were already resting having undergone such a tiring journey here. I wasn’t that weary, yet.

“Hey dad, could you join me for a few minutes?” I asked, not even bothering to raise my voice. That was one of the perks of having a vampire father. Although it was kind of creepy when we went into public together and people suspected us as fraternal twin models. I mean, did I really look that much like my father? And did I really look model-like? I guess it didn’t help that over the past few months I’ve aged to look another year older. It’s too bad that I’m not actually sixteen, because I wouldn’t mind a sweet sixteen celebration right now….

“Yes, Nessie?” my father asked, creeping in through the door crack.

“Do you think you could teach me more songs?” I questioned, eyeing my guitar.

And as a vampire would, he took no hesitance to grasp the instrument and began the musical lesson to end a splendid evening.

——————————————————
My mom hoisted the SCUBA onto my back. “Ready to go swimming?”

“Actually mom, I think I’ll just hang out here. You guys have fun,” I answered, then removed the SCUBA without ease, struggling until my dad did it for me.

The pack and the imprints were relaxing on the beach today, soaking up the sun’s rays. It was more appropriate for the Cullens to be spending their time buried from the casts of the sun. Technically this means that if they wish to keep their immortality a secret from humans, with the exception of the imprints of course, they must be indoors or underwater most of the time. Even though the purpose in owning private islands is so the Cullens can roam freely in a tropical climate, there are too many of them to risk the chance of exposure from their sparkly skin.

I was alright though because I just glowed……….very brightly. And with my glow alone on the beach I would be fine. No human eye could spot even an extra glow from Melody Key a mile off. Plus, I was going to sport one of my father’s bulky T-shirts over a pretty revealing Juicy Couture bikini.

I really wanted to blame Alice, but it was my fault. I let her pack for me; although she probably would have just reorganized my suitcase, anyway, stashing in what she believed I should wear. But I let the blame fall in my position because of the permission I granted her. And for this reason, I advised my dad to not scold Alice. Alice was Alice.

I wasn’t the only one flaunting a bikini; Emily and Kim seemed to want to show off to their men. But they were grown women and their bikinis were not…well, like mine. I wouldn’t be shocked to discover that Alice spotted my bikini in the adult section. And I was wearing the bikini with the most coverage—I won’t even mention the Victoria Secret selections.

I know I wanted to romance Jake, but this wasn’t how I pictured it. A simple bikini or tankini from Target would have reached my expectations for sexy swimwear. But no, Alice had to go all out with adult-like designer swimwear. I’m starting to question the everyday clothes  Alice packed for me. She wouldn’t have packed lingerie would she have ? Because I’m not sure my parents would approve…..but maybe Jacob will? Hmmmmm………

“Enjoying the sun?” I gathered myself next to Leah, Kim, and Emily who were spread out amongst the grainy sand.

“Yes, it’s actually quite nice for a change,” Emily responded with a nod from Kim. Leah as usual ignored me, despite our past bond. I think that hug that we shared a few weeks ago was a “one day only thing” because she went back to herself after that… to my disappointment.

The boys were playing a vigorous game of football. You’ve never seen a game of football until you’ve seen shirtless hunks play as if they were professionals. The girls and I had to retreat a few yards away from the playing field twice because of how robust they play.

I figured the boys were getting thirsty and would fancy a cool drink, so I dashed for the castle, eager for air conditioning. I dismissed the loose t-shirt by disposing on the love seat, hoping to feel the chill from the air conditioning.

If I wasn’t in a rush I would have prepared fresh lemonade, but seeing from yesterday how easy it is for the pack to become impatient I opted for the powdered lemonade.

It was so simple to prepare, but Jacob’s presence made it difficult. He must have followed me to the kitchen. He was shirtless and sweating. This made my concentration disappear all together. I might have concluded that it was Jell-O, not bones that structured my legs because that’s what it felt like. At least that’s what it felt like when he walked in.

His lips ventured from my neck to my cheekbones. I had to halt my attention on the lemonade because I couldn’t remember why I was making it. I gave in to my less noble side and glued myself to Jacob so that our lips met. He propped me onto the counter as I folded my legs around his waist. As our tongues danced, I stroked every bit of his muscle to my delight. And in the end I was glad Alice bought me this bikini. It was only in this moment that I truly felt that, because Jake never touched me anywhere that didn’t make me comfortable – given that I was 90% skin.

“I love you,” I whispered as he bit into my neck. Wait, he was biting into my neck?!?!? Ummmm and I thought I was the half-vampire here? Then it occurred to me that Jacob was giving me a hickey. Well this was different. It didn’t hurt so much because I was blinded from the pain with his love.

“Ness, I’m so sor–” I cut his unnecessary apology off with a minor make-out session. So I had my first hickey… and I liked it. I liked it. I couldn’t find reason as to why I found pleasure in that hickey. It wasn’t even that large really, and Jake stopped shortly after he began.

It was just my father who would protest and condemn my hickey. How am I ever going to cover it up? Well Alice brought R-rated clothes, so I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if I “borrowed” some foundation from her limited edition Lancôme make-up kit….

Sorry but I’m off, I have to serve the pack some lemonade.

Renesmee <3

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Introductions

Dear Diary,

I loved being kept in Jacob’s presence. And as night dawned, he told me of his mother, Sarah Black. I wasn’t trying to intrude on his private life, and it didn’t seem so as he was open about her with me.

“What happened to your mother?” I had asked.

He took a long, sorrowful sigh. I was afraid I had upset him, and perhaps he would be angry with me.

“She was a wonderful person who got unlucky. A drunk driver rammed his car into my mother’s.” He spat beneath his teeth, infuriated remembering the occasion.

“I-, I’m so sorry, Jacob.” I shielded my jaw dropped mouth.

“Sh-she didn’t survive the crash….I was only ten years old when this happened. I didn’t know if I should have cried or stayed strong. I only cried once and then tried to forget.” I smoothed out his frown with my fingers.

I don’t think I ever felt this empty before. I guess it’s because I’ve never lost anybody in my entire life. I wasn’t accustomed to the feeling of grief or sorrow. And as I sit here pitying the man I love, I too felt like the one to be pitied upon. I never knew Mrs. Black, but I had to thank and repay her. She brought life to the man that blossomed life to me. She brought my heart, soul, and joy into the world. As cliche as that sounds, it’s the honest and the uttermost truth. After all, Sarah Black was my soon-to-be mother-in-law right?

I could see the pain of her absence drown Jake in pure agony. My expression soon imitated his. I couldn’t believe it, but I shed a few tears. I didn’t even know what the woman looked like, or what she was like. But it didn’t matter. The fact was…I lost somebody that I loved.

“Are you crying, Renesmee?” He asked in a surprise tone.

“Mhmm,” I added with a nod.

He held me even tighter than before, attempting to console me I guess. He stroked my cheeks a little bit, vanishing the tears and the depression.

“My turn to question you,” He offered, bringing up something positive.

“Are you busy next weekend?” I wondered why he was asking. If he wanted to venture out on a date with me, I would have already agreed.

“I’m free, why?”

“Next weekend the pack and their mates are going on a camping trip. Want to join us?”

A camping trip? That sounds like so much fun. I’d never gone camping before. In many of the novels in my library I’ve read of events such as telling frightening stories by the camp fire. And my curiosity on camping had since constructed there from reading about it. I also pondered the experience of sleeping in a tent. I hadn’t done so since I was a tiny thing.

“I’d be honored. I just have to ask my parents. Does the pack camp all the time?” He chuckled.

“Once in a while we do. We used to do it all the time back in La Push. It’s really fun, and I think Emily and Kim will be thrilled to tug you along.” This time I was the one to chuckle.

Exhaustion crept back into my system and I peacefully fell asleep wrapped in Jake’s arms.

The next morning I was eager to ask my parent’s permission for the camping trip. I was more worried for what my father would say rather than my mom. But mother went hunting today with Alice and Rosalie.

With courage I drenched in my father’s cologne and began. All I had to do was show him how joyful I was camping with the pack and their mates, that’s all it took.

So, as simple as one, two, three I placed my hands on his cheeks, showing him my camping fantasy. He had been listening to Jake’s invitation, so there was no need for an explanation.

“No.” Was the flat out answer.

“Why?” I questioned in my thoughts. This better had not been about my safety, really. My dad was going over-board with this. I mean, I had the entire freaking pack to protect me on the trip. What was going to happen? Nothing, because Jake wouldn’t allow any sort of danger or harm come near my body.

“Darling, I don’t want you wandering around in the woods, even with the pack’s protection. Besides, you’re busy that day. I have something special that I planned for you on that day.”

“Now you tell me! Why not before?” I’m positive my father made this “special plan” up right on the spot to add another reason for me to avoid spending time with Jake, of course.

“I didn’t tell you before because it was supposed to be a surprise, but now that’s clearly ruined.”

“Can’t this ‘surprise’ hold off until another day?” Daddy’s face formed a frown.

“No, because I can’t exactly control what day the ‘surprise’ happens.” I nodded, highly disappointed. The surprise might have sounded more exciting if not for the cancellation of my invitation of the camping trip.

“Ok then, dad.” And with that I left to break he news to Jacob.

I tranquilly jogged to the pack’s house down the street.

Something was occurring there, because the whole pack and the imprintees lined around a yellow taxi. And there was a girl who was Native American who stepped out of the cab, smiling cheerfully.

This must have been an old friend or family member. But beyond the distraction of the new face, Emily caught me.

“Nessie, come here!” Emily waved me over. I guess I’d meet this girl.

The entire pack seemed pumped that this girl was here. Was she a shewolf?

“Renesmee, this is an old friend of ours. Her name is Nadia.” Emily introduced me to her.

“And you are…?” Nadia questioned, extending her hand to shake.

“Renesmee Cullen,” I announced politely, exchanging my hand to shake.

“This is my girlfriend, “Nessie” as we call her.” Jake declared conveying himself behind me.

“Ness, she doesn’t know about vampires and werewolves so you have to keep that to yourself, okay?” He whispered in my ear.

“Oh,” Nadia developed a sour smile on her face, transitioning from the warm one she’d given when we introduced ourselves. This smile made me worry. There was something right then and there in that smile, that facial expression that alarmed to me there was something off about her. But I didn’t say so of course, and didn’t show it. I figured it was just me.

I mean, Nadia was just an old friend reuniting with some friends. Wasn’t she? I had hoped so, even if she made my internal alarm system spin.

Sorry guys, but I feel it’s rude to tell you what’s happening when a guest is here. I vow that in the next entry I’ll write all about breaking the news to Jake and let you in more on Nadia.

Ciao mi amigos,

Renesmee Cullen

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An Oppurtunity

Dear Diary,

You can bet that I was nervous to hear what my father had to say about me pursuing the acoustic guitar instead of piano. My dad did value what I was interested in, but the piano was very sacred to him. So, as I was trudging to the living room I questioned: “Can my father separate what he values from what I value and wish to pursue?” If my father didn’t understand how I felt about the guitar, my life was sure to drown in disaster.

There he was, sitting on the piano chair patiently waiting for my arrival. He seemed relaxed, but I knew it was his facial expression that would determine the fate of his mood.

“I know your secret, Nessie,” he announced, not once looking at me. The way he said it did not give me any certainty as to whether he was angry or not.

I was so nervous I stared directly into the wall in the distance. The sweat cascading from my pores would not give in. What was he going to say? Was he going to scold me for wishing to switch instruments? Or would he comfort me and tell me what I wanted to hear?

“So there’s no need to confess. Nessie I’m not angry with you, but I’m not exactly joyful about this either. Tell me what it is about guitar that makes you desire it so much.”

Alright, at least my father was being reasonable about this. He would let me explain my feelings to him. But I didn’t know how, exactly… so I’d just explain in my thoughts.

I mean, I just love the guitar. I see myself having more potential with a guitar. The way the guitar strings produce vibration, it’s just my symphony, my solo. I haven’t even tried it yet. But I just know it, I can feel it. And I could do piano on the side, maybe even sing a few notes.

Look dad, guitar is my life. I promise to devote all my time and effort to it. What would your life be without your piano? Dead. So for me, life without my guitar will be dead. Fruitless. Lifeless. I believe as a fellow musician you can understand how connected one can get to their favorite instrument. This connection, this bond, is joining me and guitar.

And just like that, he nodded as if he understood.

“Alright, you have some valid points there. I’ll consider it.” Consider it?!?! That’s all he was going to do, think about it? You can’t just deliberate on making your own daughter happy or not.

My father still made me participate in my ritual piano lesson, making sure I hit every key correctly.

“You’re quite extraordinary on the piano. Are you sure you want to play the guitar instead?” he asked, trying to persuade me otherwise, to stray me from my ambitions of being a guitar player.

“I’m one hundred percent absolutely certain I want to play the acoustic guitar, dad. There’s no other instrument perfect enough for me. The acoustic guitar is the one,” I added with a crooked smile.

To show me that he finally understood he flashed the same crooked smile, the exact same one. Did I inherit this from him? Or was it just a coincidence?

Before I left piano lessons, I made sure to check that my dad did actually know how to play the guitar. But I think the question was actually: “How does my dad not know how to play the guitar?” Of course he did, he just hadn’t played it in quite a while, or so he claims. Either way, if my dad did let me play the guitar, I knew I would have an outstanding teacher.

The thought brushed off when piano lessons were over. I was walking down the road that led to the pack’s house. I was just taking a calm stroll to ease the stress that had erupted throughout the day. I let my mind wander off into bliss.

If my dad has been listening to my thoughts lately, putting my thoughts of guitar aside, he might want to click the mute button. Why? Because the objective to bliss was fantasizing about Jacob, shirtless. Okay, I wasn’t trying to get too ahead of myself here, but could anyone really help it? He was always half-naked, granting me my wish to see him that way. Of course he was doing that so the phasing process was simpler, but still…he still has a..an…eight pack like a God.

I immediately shook my head as if a natural reaction to stop dreaming such inappropriate thoughts. But you couldn’t really blame me. First of all for being his imprintee I have a limited amount of control when it comes to my attraction for him. Second of all, I’m somewhat naive in love, so give me a break.

Nothing right then and there could have ceased my thoughts and lectures out of my head, or the fantasies and episodes of Jake and me having a fun time.

But as I walked a little more something eventually did. It was Emily Young. It appeared that she had just arrived from a long and strenuous grocery shopping trip. I wasn’t sure if she was used to it, buying tons of bulk items to cook for the pack. How did she manage to do it all? Shop and buy the goods, then have to carry and unpack them all by herself….it must take her hours. But this seemed to be one of the duties of a “wolf girl.”

She started to unload three heavy looking, massive grocery bags from the back seat. The groceries extended from the front passenger seat all the way to the petite trunk of the vintage sports wagon.

She glanced quickly in my direction, and developed a warm, inviting smile. I wanted to help her, and help fulfill my duty. I wanted to serve my duty as a “wolf girl.”

I’ll tell you in my next entry about assisting Emily.

With love (always),

“Wolf girl,”

Renesmee

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Truths Revealed

Dear Diary,

I was feeling pure serenity as Jacob and I laid our bodies on the grass adjacent to the teeny pond near my house. We had kissed so many times that Jakey had to call it to a halt, on account of my father’s wishes. I wish I could touch and breathe in him more than was allowed.

Kissing made me feel passionate and loved. The way his lips always crushed into mine was a feeling like no other. Heck, a marching band could be playing five feet away, buzzing their tune into our ears and I wouldn’t see it. Wouldn’t be able to hear it either. And when he cupped my cheeks with those firm palms of his, I felt giddy and excited, like a child in a candy store.

I envied his beautiful brown eyes, that glistened under the radiant sun. He had said my eyes couldn’t compare to other girl’s eyes, and I knew he loved me and only me, but I couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous. I mean, just looking at his eight pack made me embarrassingly drool. Yeah, his freaking eight pack! I didn’t want him to know that his abs were in my perspective his main attraction because I didn’t want to be teased. Not that he ever would, but if he doesn’t know then I can save myself from embarrassment. I wonder what he found most attractive about me. What was there about me that I could compete with against him, a eight pack god?

Another thing that made my heart skip beats is when he calls me “honey.” It makes me feel special and wanted, like I was his honey. It was perfect because it wasn’t as gushy and mushy as “buttercup” or bare like “sweety.” That title was the perfect ingredient to make me blush hard.

I’m still deciding over whether it embarrasses me or not to do that, blush in front of him. But I figure, it’s my way of saying I enjoy being with him, it really does show my affection. Every time he calls me “beautiful” I really feel it inside, but in order to cease the blushing and mushy feeling I always hesitantly deny his compliment. I really do adore him calling me beautiful, and do believe it, not vainly though.

“Can you keep a secret?” I asked, knowing very well he would. He nodded, staring into my so called “unique milk chocolate brown” eyes.

“Well I don’t really like my piano lessons. It has nothing to do with my father, it’s just the lessons itself. The piano. The sheet music. I know the best music doesn’t come from Mozart.” Jakey seemed quite shocked when I revealed the truth to him. He was accustomed to me being “daddy’s little girl” and following his footsteps.

“Well Ness, I think maybe you should tell your father this lightly…I mean it might be hard for him to accept.”

“I’m not sure how he’ll take it. He might be disappointed, but he might also be ok with it. I mean if he wants what’s best for me then he should let me do what  I want to do…..”

“Which is…..?” Jacob asked, curiously urging me to splurge all.

“I enjoy my time playing the acoustic guitar. Piano is ok, but it’s just not my tune, not my melody, not my  rhythm of choice.”

Jacob just nodded as if understanding the situation in which he had never encountered before. He twined his strong hands into my slender ones.

“Do you know how to play the guitar?” He twirled my curls.

“Well no. In fact, I’ve never held a guitar before, but I’m eager and totally committed to learning. I was thinking of teaching myself. Or maybe my dad could, I mean he does know how to do everything, that is if he likes the idea of not teaching me to play the piano.”

“Hmmmm….I think you could do it, teach yourself how to play that is. A girl with your intelligence can do anything. You have passion Ness, I see it.”

I brushed his cheeks as if in need of support and encouragement to finish my revelation speech.

“I guess I inherit his musical talent and ability, just not in the piano field.”

“Renesmee,” He never called me by my full first name unless he had something important to say, that I’d known ever since I could speak.

“You should tell your father at your next piano session. I don’t want you to suffer in boredom your father encourages you to participate in,” I rolled my eyes, trying not to laugh.

“Ok,”

“You promise?”

“I solemnly swear on my mother’s….oops.” We both chuckled, somewhat guilty, but it was nice to laugh.

“I’ll tell my father tomorrow at my next, and hopefully last piano lesson, I promise.”

And with those last words said by the pond, he kissed me one last time for the night. I relished in the kiss, as I wouldn’t get one until the next day.

Jacob has to eat his dinner now, but I promise to write back soon and tell you all about my yearning for playing the guitar confession to Edward.

With love (always),

Renesmee

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And I’ll just remind some of my first readers that I am coordinating with Jacob’s Diary, which is why the entries might have a similar feel to them. Thanks for reading!

New Beginnings

Dear Diary,

I honestly couldn’t stop the shaking and nervousness I had felt after sending that text message to Jake. He did say that he loved me, but I still felt uneasy.

It was about time to hop into bed when I heard the slamming of the front door and my mother ranting on about something. I heard daddy yell back. They were forming one of those rare fights that they had when they were both really infuriated about something. I wondered what it was about, I mean I didn’t like it when they fought. The last time they fought was when I looked about six years old. I don’t reckon I remember what it was about, but it was something that triggered them to fight nonstop.

I didn’t like them bickering like this. And I knew that they kept their senses because they wouldn’t yell loud enough that a human ear could hear it, basically me. Carlisle came to the scene, and like my parents I couldn’t quite make-out what he was saying, but I knew it was him speaking. I imagined he was trying to settle the argument, making peace and calm occupy it’s normal place with my parents. Mom transferred her cold, harsh voice into a more subtle one. My parents had fought about something, and Carlise had resolved it. I’m bound to find out what it is tomorrow.

The next morning, I find myself sitting at the kitchen counter nibbling on corn flakes. I drank my occasional glass of blood. My parents were quiet; Daddy was reading the newspaper and Mommy was glued to her book. Not a word was said. I was afriad that they were still brittle with one another. So after breakfast I made my way into the living room and peered into my father’s paper. He grinned as soon as he saw me.

“Good morning, Ness.” He kissed my forehead.

Mommy didn’t respond joyfully to this as I had hoped. Why wasn’t she happy with my father’s greeting? Maybe she thought I was ignoring her or something.

“Good morning, mom.” I flashed her a smile.

“Good morning, darling.” She said returning a grin like dad.

So, I wasn’t going to get anything out of them. The fight must have been between them, but from the looks of it my mom was angry at my dad for doing something. I decided it was time to see Jake, as I was anticipating all night. I was nervous, yet excited.

As soon as I got to Jake’s house that he shares with the pack, I was already drowning in anxiety. Emily answered the door and smells of fried bacon and eggs entered my nostrils.

After I greeted Emily and the rest of the pack, Jake had already horsed down his breakfast, that was more than enough for two grown human men. He seemed more happy than nervous to see me. He led me to the front porch, where there was one of those bench swings.

“Are you busy today?” I asked, hoping we could do something together.

“Well, not really…..”

“So, want to hike with me today?” I wasn’t allowed to hike in the woods on my own. It was a clear rule that my parents set for me. I had to have a werewolf or a vampire that my parents trusted at all times with me. My parents, and Jacob I imagined, feared the worst of me hiking on my own.

“Actually Ness, I can’t.”

“Patrol with the pack, I forgot.” Frown lines of disappointment appeared on my face.

“No, it’s not that….Your father, Edward….He….”
Did this have something to do with my parents fight last night? Did my dad do something to Jacob? Panick struck my face.

“Edward broke a few ribs and gave me a black eye. The black eye quickly disappeared, but Doc Carlisle wants me to take it easy today for the ribs…”

My poor Jakie. What had my father done to Jacob?!?!!? Oh, if my father thought my mother was the only one fighting back, he doesn’t know what’s going to hit him….but then again he will because of my thoughts and Alice. That explains my mother’s disatisfaction with my dad’s morning greeting.

Fury flourished my face and I was determined to somehow avenge my dad.

And for the first time I reached my hand out to Jacob’s cheek and held it there.

“I’m so sorry. I can stay here with you until you get better.” I offered with a sympathetic smile.

“I’m already feeling better.”

I hadn’t realized this, but I somehow managed to move myself closer to him, and planted an ever so perfect kiss.

-Renesmee

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