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September

21st

Dear Diary (Goodbye Forks)

I took the beautiful, unique, oval ring from my left ring finger and without wanting to, I placed it on the pale, smooth ring finger on my right hand. Edward watched, his painful expression matching mine. This was about so much more than simply having to switch which hand my ring would be kept. This was the first step to a whole different life, a new identity. For someone who has never been good at lying, I was about to have to spend a lot of time doing it, or at least trying to.

Jacob is excited about our move to New Hampshire, oddly. Renesmee seems to be approaching the same maturity level as Jacob which has brought them closer together than ever. Once we, the Cullens… vampires, have left Forks, the wolves wont have to phase anymore, but Jake will be with us and continue to phase, which will allow him to stay with Nessie, always. This move is making him happy for more reasons than that, though. Jacob has always felt like he would be stuck in La Push forever, and he didn’t want that. I guess he sees this move to New Hampshire as a new beginning. I wish I could be so positive about it.

It’s fascinating, to see how used to this the rest of the Cullens are. They already have everything packed up and ready to go. No one sat around slowly packing boxes and reminiscing on old photos or souvenirs. It almost looked like routine. Their faces were expressionless, if not serene looking. I felt like I wanted to die inside. Everything I am, everything that means anything to me started in this town. I met Edward here. My life. Got reintroduced to Jacob, my best friend. I gave birth to my perfect angel in Forks and then so may things happened in between. I wanted to break down but everyone else was so calm, excited to start over.

I let Edward into my head in hopes that he could see how hard this is for me. I needed to talk about but, but I didn’t want to seem selfish. This is something that had to be done for our safety and all I could think was “I want to stay, forever.” Without even the slightest hesitation, Edward placed his smooth finger to my lips and in a low, silk like voice made it all better. “Bella, remember when you had a hard time leaving your Mother, in Phoenix? How you hated the thought of leaving behind everything you loved for this cold, gloomy town? It’s a normal reaction. You haven’t lived nearly as long as us, so this is all new to you. You’re not selfish, Bella. If anything we have been the selfish ones, for neglecting to take into consideration that this is all so new to you, and Charlie. I can promise you that once you’ve done this a number of times – you will get used to it. It will almost become second nature.” He half frowned, trying to match my mood.

I knew Edward was right, that my fear was a normal reaction that would pass with time. I had to stop and remind myself that he is the reason I’m here. I became what I am to be with Edward forever, and if that means moving all over the world, then that’s what I will do. Besides, I could be happy living in a tree as long as I had Edward and my family with me.

I have to admit, I am dreading school more than anyone could ever know. Not the school part so much, more so having to watch every single move I make to ensure I don’t slip up in any way that would let on that we are different. I’m not used to pretending. Not to this extreme, anyway. Carlisle told us to try to keep to ourselves as much as possible. It’s dangerous to make human friends for obvious reasons – but there’s so much more to it than that. We can’t make friends because even if we don’t slip up and have them as a meal, we could accidentally reveal that we are not human. It’s not hard to tell just by being near us for a few minutes as it is. There is simply no room for error.

In an attempt to remain discreet, we will be leaving in the middle of the night. Sometimes people in small towns can be nosy – so it’s better this way. The moving trucks will be here at midnight and we will all catch a flight shortly after. I haven’t seen the new  house yet, but Carlisle showed us pictures, and it is definitely impressive from what I could tell. Like I mentioned before, we are keeping the Cullen house, Charlie’s house and the cabin. We want everything to be the same for when we move back to Forks. After everyone has passed on. It’s sad to think about it that way. Almost eerie. Of course, we will come back to Forks for visits. Our cabin is always there when we need it.

I will let you know how everything worked out next week. I know that as long as I have Edward, everything will be okay. I hope.

-Bella

EDIT: Looking for a new dark love story to read? I have written a novella called, ‘My Darrling.’ (This is not the Willow series I’ve been working on, rather it’s a small side project.). You can read a preview and purchase ‘My Darrling’ HERE.

XO

March

17th

Dear Diary (Getting Acquainted)

I had a chance to spend some one–on–one time with Baylor. Edward also had his chance. Not surprisingly, Edward and I have different opinions about him. Maybe it’s my eternal optimism, but I really like Baylor. He seems genuine, interestingly complex, and quite gentle.

Edward questions his motives, of course. When Edward is unable to read someone’s thoughts, he becomes intrigued, yet annoyed. He isn’t used to having to work to understand people. It’s not that Edward thinks Baylor is bad, he is just being cautious.

When Baylor and I spent time together, he told me all about his mother, about how he was turned and the human memories he manages to recall from his past. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I already knew about his mother and how he was turned – from Edward, through Carlisle’s thoughts – so I listened to his story, again.

Baylor was very friendly, and seemed sincere. I told him my story, and of course couldn’t help but talk about Edward, my love. I even explained Renesmee to him. It took some convincing, but I think he finally understands. He had never heard of a half–human, half–vampire.

Now he has.

Nessie seems to like Baylor a lot, too. She showed him her thoughts. They were of her and Jacob, of course. This brought up some questions that I wasn’t ready to answer.

“Who is this boy she’s showing me, Bella?” Baylor asked, intrigued.

Great.

I wasn’t quite sure how to get him to understand this part. I began to tell him about the Volturi, and their attempt to attack us, and kill Nessie. From there, I explained that, prior to me becoming a vampire, I had a good friend who I loved dearly, named Jacob. I explained how Jacob helped me when Edward left, then just came out with it.

I sucked in a deep breath before I spoke, letting the words out with the air. “Jacob… is a wolf.”

Baylor’s expression was actually calm, almost knowing. One of his eyebrows raised out of interest, so I continued, feeling more confident this time. I explained to Baylor that Jacob has imprinted on Renesmee, and what that will entail. He asked a few questions, but didn’t seem shocked.

I thought about it for a moment, and realized that after everything he has been through, realistically, nothing should shock Baylor anymore. I mean, his mother got turned into a vampire, who then turned him into a vampire. Really, I think he’s used to this world of ‘mythical’ creatures.

I was really happy I had the chance to spend time with Baylor. He is part of our family now, after all. Emmett and Rosalie are going to take him hunting tomorrow, to get acquainted. Emmett should show him an interesting time. He has a way with opening people up and making them feel like family, almost instantly.

For tonight, Edward and I are going to be spending the night alone. Nessie is actually with Sue, at Charlie’s house. Sue said she thinks Nessie is contributing to Charlie’s healing process greatly, and wanted to have her there, to keep Charlie smiling. He adores Renesmee. So does Sue.

I’m off to spend all night long talking, laughing and cuddling with Edward. Sometimes I feel like so much is going on that we forget to take time for ourselves. He is my world, and I am so grateful to have found him. Everything between us still feels new and exciting. Edward does something everyday that makes me fall more in love with him. Right now, he’s looking at me with with the most mesmerizing look on his face. His eyes are a golden butterscotch and his grin is lovingly turned up on the right side. I’m going to go now, have some fun with my love. My life.

Write again soon.

-Bella

 

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