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January

19th

Dear Diary (Elizabeth Masen)

“You must do everything in your power. What others cannot do, that is what you must do for my Edward.” -Elizabeth Masen

Edward pulled two tickets out of his coat pocket with an unusually questionable grin on his face. I hadn’t seen this expression before. His eyes were bigger than normal, and black. I could see that he needed to hunt. His head tilted slightly downwards, and while one side of his lips curled up, the other side seemed to curl down. Edward looked as though he didn’t know if he wanted to smile, or frown.

“Are those plane tickets?” It sounded more eager out loud than it did in my head.

Edward shifted his dark gaze down at the two tickets he held between his long, porcelain-like fingers, his body stiff, statuesque. His smooth lips looked flat now, and his eyebrows knitted together like they always do when he’s thinking of the right thing to say.

“Yes. One is for you, of course, Bella.” He reached his hand out and handed me one of the tickets, watching me intently. “I would like for you to take a trip to Chicago with me, if that’s okay.”

Edward reminded me of a boy asking a girl to be his date for a school dance. I thought about it for half a second—not because I didn’t want to go, but because I was waiting for the catch. I could tell by Edward’s expression that there was more than just taking a trip to Chicago involved.

“Well, you already got the plane tickets . . .” I bit my lower lip, stalling, in hopes that he would interrupt and give me a little more information. He didn’t. Instead he grinned, a more familiar looking grin this time, then placed his ticket back in his pocket and mumbled a quick, “Great. We leave soon.”

Our flight was in almost exactly three hours, and although Edward didn’t give me many details, he did let me know that I wouldn’t need to pack anything. It was Christmas Eve, and we would be back by early Christmas morning to celebrate with Renesmee and the rest of our family. The Denali’s were expected to come by during the evening on Christmas, too.

I went hunting with Edward before we left. My eyes were starting to darken, like Edward’s, and my throat was turning into a dry, blistering, fire every time I caught even the slightest scent of  warm, sweet-smelling human blood. We were going to be on an airplane, too, and that is the last place thirsty vampires want to be.  Accidents do happen.

The flight was short, just over an hour and a half, but seemed much quicker than that. Edward and I got caught up in a debate about Romeo and Juliet. He gets short with me when I compare our relationship to Romeo and Juliet. He doesn’t like being compared to “fickle” Romeo. I get that. But our relationship as a whole does have a few similarities.

Romeo attends the ball at the Capulet house in hopes of meeting Rosaline, but meets and falls in love with Juliet. Edward was supposed to be with Rosalie—and that didn’t work out, for obvious reasons. He then eventually met and fell in love with me.

During the “balcony scene” Romeo sneaks into the Capulet courtyard and overhears Juliet vowing her love to him, despite the fact that their families are feuding. Edward used to surreptitiously watch me sleep–and overheard me say his name as I dreamt of him.

Paris is like my Jacob; he tried to woo and attract Juliet—similar to how Jacob tried to attract me. Of course, I picked Edward, despite our differences and the fact that our love was almost forbidden . . . dangerous.

I couldn’t leave out how Romeo thought Juliet was dead, and killed himself—just like Edward was about to have himself killed when he thought that “arranging a funeral” meant my funeral. He thought I was dead and was about to have himself destroyed.

I could have debated for hours with Edward, but he’s stubborn, and unwilling to be compared to Romeo, who he believes thoroughly destroyed his own happiness by making countless mistakes.

Right before the plane landed, Edward looked at me with his beautiful golden eyes, and concluded our debate with words so smooth they stopped my train of thought completely. “Besides, Romeo and Juliet had a tragic ending. You and I are a forever thing. We’re eternal. There will be no tragedy, no ending. Romeo lost his Juliet, but I’ll never lose my Bella.” He looked down at me lovingly, and reiterated the word never in a factual tone.

I wondered for a second if a vampire’s cold, granite-like body could turn to mush and melt into the seat? I had to look down to make sure my body was intact, thanks to Edward and his ability to send my mind into a complete haze and make my body feel like melting snow.

When we got off the plane, we picked up the rental car—which surprisingly wasn’t fancy, shiny, or insanely expensive. It looked like the type of car you would see a busy mother driving her children to soccer practice in. I laughed to myself at the image of Edward behind the wheel of such an effeminate car.

We didn’t drive far, just outside the city limits on the north side of Chicago. Edward parked the car and we ran for a short time until we reached the most gorgeous cemetery I have ever seen. It was huge, and full of architectural masterpieces. The cemeteries I have seen were usually row-after-row of tomb stones, some larger than others—but these were capacious monuments.

Edward took my hand and we slowly, almost glidingly, walked over the perfectly landscaped grass. I knew exactly where we were, and what we were doing here, but I didn’t know what emotion to feel. I wasn’t sure how Edward felt, either. Mind reading would have come in handy right about now.

When we reached the gravestone of Elizabeth Masen, I felt honored to be this close to the woman who created the love of my life. And the woman responsible for demanding that Carlisle save him.

My memory is vague, but I do recall certain parts of Carlisle’s story. Elizabeth demanded that he do everything in his power to save Edward during the 1918 Spanish influenza pandemic. He described her eyes as, “hard, like stones, like emeralds.” Carlisle believes that Elizabeth knew that he was different, somehow. Edward’s life was slipping away with each tick of the clock, but because of his mother’s demand, he was here with me, standing beside me, looking down at the ground of her grave.

“I haven’t been here in a while,” Edward began, his face now expressionless. “I wanted you to come with me so I could have the chance to introduce you to my mother in the best way I can. I have never been more grateful for her telling Carlisle to save me than I am now. Because of her, I get to live an eternity with you, Bella. I get to be happy every day. The type of happiness that will never end.” His eyes darted back towards the beautiful gravestone.

I thanked Edward, countless times, for bringing me somewhere that meant so much to him. For letting me have the chance to get so close to a part of his life from before he became an immortal. He doesn’t remember Elizabeth very well, but he will forever have a connection to her. Although he may have resented the fact that he never got to make the choice to be turned, he is now gratified.

We didn’t stay long. It was just long enough to pay our respects. I left the cemetery feeling closer to Edward than I ever thought possible. Honored. Maybe even a little shocked. I didn’t see this coming. He really did surprise me this time.

The next day was Christmas and we couldn’t wait to give Renesmee her present. Edward picked it out. It wasn’t something she could actually use, but Edward didn’t care, he couldn’t wait to buy his daughter her first car. Although the 2011 Mercedes-Benz E-Class Cabriolet isn’t available to buy until May, 2010, Edward worked his magic and got one in ‘frosty blue’ for Renesmee. Her eyes lit up . . . with confusion. She loved the color, and the fact that it was sparkly, but in her sweet, soft voice she whispered, “I can’t use this. I don’t have a license, Daddy.” Luckily I stocked up on real presents. Things she can actually use. And Alice, of course, got her a lot of pretty things to wear.

We all called Jacob, who was in La Push with his family, and wished them all a Merry Christmas. We wanted Jake to know that, even though he was gone for the day, we were still thinking of him.

The Denali’s were fun. They adore Nessie, and although it’s gross for me to think about, Tanya had fun flirting with Charlie. They got along really well, and it’s great to see Charlie’s face light up. After all, he is a terminal bachelor . . . famous ladies man, as he calls himself.

Tanya remembered Charlie from the wedding, and of course asked about his change. He told her the entire story and she nearly melted when he explained that he became a vampire to save me. Great. Now he’s using the story of how he became a vampire to save his vampire daughter from being killed by a coven of vampires to impress women. Vampire women. I still believe that there are things about my new life that I will never get used to.

I have to go for now; Seth is visiting and I want to spend as much time as possible with him before he goes back to La Push. I will write again soon, like I always do.

-Bella

 

December

22nd

Dear Diary (Vampire Snowball Fights)

The things I abhorred the most when I was a human, are the things I seem to miss the most now that I’m an immortal, a vampire. Oddly, I miss the feeling of snowflakes melting against my warm cheeks. I miss feeling my face go entirely numb from the sharp, frosty wind. When I first moved to Forks I wanted to move right back out  because of the constant cold, and the lack of sunlight . I undoubtedly miss the contrast in temperature between mine and Edward’s skin, too.

Edward used to feel so cold to me, so icy. His body felt hard, like granite. It’s different when we touch now. Not bad, but different. I know there are things that Edward misses about me being human, too. I am selfish to think that the changes have only impacted me. I’m also feel selfish for wanting this life so badly, for forcing Edward to turn me, then having the nerve to miss parts of being how I used to be. Being human. I pretty much begged Edward to turn me, so I can learn to deal with the fact that for as long as I exist, I will never be human again.

Thankfully a lot of things are extremely vague. I have forgotten a lot about the people and events that were not that important to me, but I do still remember the things that really mattered. It’s almost like I have snap shots in my head, permanently, but they are partially unclear. Blurry. Almost as though whoever took the photos moved the camera too fast, making the photo cloudy. But I can still see them. I do still remember what Edward’s ice cold hand felt like in my warm, often clammy hand. I remember making up my mind that I was going to be with Edward, for forever, no matter what it took. My transformation did not blur any of the feelings I felt for Edward – if anything, they just got more intense, more clear.

It’s almost Christmas time, and the Cullen’s are going all out to make sure Charlie, Renesmee, Jacob and I have the time of our lives. Alice decorated the entire house, with a little bit of help  from the rest of us. Alice is picky, though. Everything has to be done perfectly, so we only help when she asks for it. Emmett, Charlie and Jasper strung the lights all around the house. Alice almost forgot that it might look odd if she was on the icy, cold roof herself, stringing the lights despite the fact that we have a house full of men, or… I guess you could call them manpires. No need to draw attention to ourselves.

Carlisle and Esme have invited the Denali’s over to celebrate Christmas. They accepted the invite and are anxious to meet Charlie. It should be interesting trying to explain Charlie’s perpetually, almost eerie crimson eye color – unless, of course, he chooses to wear his contacts. Come to think of it, he probably will. He seems to get somewhat embarrassed by the color of his eyes. After all, they are similar to the color of a non-vegetarian’s eyes, only more disturbing.

Jacob and Renesmee have gotten closer than ever in the past few weeks. Their relationship is changing, maturing. Edward is pleased to see that Jacob’s thoughts about his future with Nessie are still completely pure. Although Renesmee is only three years old, she has the mind and body of a ten year old, so it is inevitable that her relationship with Jacob is maturing. They spend more time laughing and joking with each other and enjoy a lot of the same things. Jacob no longer reads to Nessie before she falls asleep. Instead, they stay awake and joke until she drifts off, then Jacob heads out back to his home to sleep.

One of Renesmee’s favorite things in the entire world is snow. We have had heaps of snow fall so far here and her and Jake spend hours outside every day playing in it. It’s funny to watch Renesmee so effortlessly beat Jake when they have snowball fights. He can be a sore loser sometimes. It’s especially funny when Jacob claims he ‘let her win’ because she’s a girl. Sure, Jake.

If you have ever wondered what a vampire snowball fight is like, I can tell you one thing – you’re missing out. I had my first vampire snowball fight a week ago. Due to the lack of snow in our usual clearing, the one we use for baseball, we had to scout out a new field. We ended up finding a perfect spot just outside of Hanover. Similar to the clearing where we play baseball, this field was sheltered by trees. There was a small, gravel road in the distance, so we did have to be a little more careful.

The most fun part about a vampire snowball fight is that the snowballs get thrown with such intense speed that they usually disintegrate before they reach their target – if you’re fast enough that is. The biggest competition usually ends up being between Edward and Emmett because Edward is fast, really fast – but Emmett is strong and can throw hard. I would say that Edward ended up getting hit about half time time. There is no winning and losing in a vampire style snowball fight, though. No one is keeping score.

The game ended a lot sooner than I thought it would have. We ended up using all the snow quite fast, leaving the field completely bare. I hope no one decided to visit the mysterious, snowless field after we were done. That would be just great. Our family moves into town and suddenly all the snow in random large fields goes missing. I wonder what everyone’s theory about us would be.

As excited as I am about our snowball fights, I am more excited about what Edward has planned for Christmas Eve. He told me that we are doing something special, alone, the day before Christmas. I don’t get as worried about surprises as I used to – not when they’re from Edward. I still don’t like when people make a fuss over me, but Edward has a way of making me feel as though he is somehow benefiting from the surprise too. He tells me all the time that his happiness comes entirely from seeing me smile. Seeing me happy. I let Edward in my head often to show him what, exactly, his smile does to me. Lets just say he knows the feeling is mutual. My happiness heavily relies on seeing Edward smile and knowing, that somehow, I’ve made his life better.

Jacob is going back to La Push for Christmas day to be with Billy and the rest of his family, but will be returning as soon as the Denali’s leave New Hampshire. He plans to bring Seth back home with him for a visit, too. I look forward to seeing Seth. He’s a great kid and I will be forever grateful for all of his help. I do plan to take a trip to La Push to visit everyone soon, too.

La Push was pretty much my second home when Edward left. Again, the memories are vague, but even thinking of that time, when Edward left, it makes me want to grab onto him and hold him so tight and never let him go. I know that he would never leave again. I’m no longer breakable to him, fragile. But I can’t help feeling hollow when I think back to when he was gone.

I have to go for now. Rosalie, Alice, Esme and I are going Christmas shopping for Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle and Edward. What do you get for the people who have, or could have anything they want?

I also want to say Happy Holidays to all those who celebrate from all of the Cullens! We hope you all have a safe and happy holiday season.

-Bella