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April

22nd

Dear Diary (Clumsy)

I really thought my clumsiness would have disappeared along with the blood in my veins, and my beating heart. But it didn’t–not completely. I still stumble and trip, and I run into things a lot, too. I’m not perfect like him. Edward carries himself with the grace of an angel, while I am constantly on the verge of tripping over my own feet or smashing my stone-like body into a glass door. Yes, I did that.

Then there’s Alice. She carries herself with so much poise and grace that I often wonder if she’s floating. She’s so tiny, and her movements seem almost motionless. Alice, too, is very shocked that I haven’t become more breezy and poised since being turned. Poise and grace normally come with the change.

I have improved a great deal from my time as a human, of course, but I’m not as effortlessly graceful as the others. It’s all vague to me, but Edward tells me that as a human, I was so clumsy that he genuinely feared for my fragile life.

My outer appearance would suggest that I’m at least slightly graceful, but looks can be deceiving. In comparison to Alice’s elegant, harmonious movements, I’m pretty much a walking immortal accident waiting to happen–which is why Alice decided to devote the entire day to giving me a lesson–or ten–on how to be more ‘chic’, as she likes to call it.

In order to be the part, I had to dress the part. Alice’s words, not mine. For the lesson, Alice made me wear a silk, cream colored, floor-length, empire-waist gown with black lace trim. I didn’t like the dress, but I loved Edward’s reaction when he walked into the room. His sculpted jaw dropped slightly and his butterscotch eyes grew along with his bewildered expression.

Alice cleared up the confusion in a hurry, though. “No Edward, we’re not planning another wedding for you and Bella. You just had your first one not too long ago. I’ll wait a little longer before I start bugging for another wedding.”

Great.

Alice is unstoppable. I’m not fond of large celebrations, but having a second wedding with Edward doesn’t seem like the worst thing that could happen. Maybe one day. Probably soon, if Alice has any say.

Edward’s face retracted back to its perfect normal set, almost. His eyes remained larger than normal, and appeared to be glued to me. I thought he was trying to tell me he wanted to talk to me in private, but he assured me otherwise. “You’re beautiful, Bella. Perfect. And, for the record, I would marry you a hundred times. Alice, don’t change my perfect angel too much, please. I love her the way she is. Clumsiness and all.” He grinned then disappeared into the room with the white piano and started playing a beautiful melody.

Alice yelled after him. “Oh Edward, if immortality wasn’t enough to nix Bella’s clumsiness I’m sure I don’t stand a chance. It’s still fun trying, though.”

I suddenly felt like one of those dolls that comes with a number of different outfits. The ones that come with accessories like fancy pearls and numerous pairs of shoes. I need to make a mental note to pick a few of those dolls up for Alice. Maybe she will lay off me if she has a bunch of dress-up dolls to poke and prod at instead.

First lesson: Graceful Walking.

I have to admit, after a few pointers from Alice, I am actually lighter on my feet. It’s definitely been hard adjusting to my rock-like body. It feels harder and heavier than ever, plus my strength naturally makes me thud when I walk. Alice taught me to be more aware of each movement, to think of each step as walking on delicate, breakable ground. So far, it seems to be working. Emmett hasn’t been calling me “The Vampire Hulk” much lately.

After completing a number of lessons, we were finally on our last: How To Dress Elegantly For Your Body Type.

I didn’t know cold-hard-stone was a body type, but in the end I learned how to pair the right shoes with the proper jeans. Though I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing the heels Alice tried to convince me to wear, I now know that they supposedly elongate your legs, thinning them and adding height and grace to your appearance. Thanks, Alice.

After Alice was done with me, she thought she should get a head start on Renesmee. She’s terrified of Nessie becoming a ‘clumsy fashion faux pas’ once she’s fully grown. Again, her words, not mine. I felt bad for my little Nudger, but she loves being with Aunt Alice. Besides, once I get Alice those dress up dolls, Nessie will be saved. Hopefully.

Edward was back at the cabin by the time Alice finished with me, so I went back to be with him, still in my silk gown. By this time, Alice had put soft ringlets in my hair and a white flower in the crown she braided around my head.

Edward was more than pleased . . . .

Will write again soon.

-Bella.

 

March

29th

Dear Diary (Reveal)

Charlie didn’t take it so well.

In fact, he is pretty much in disbelief. It was expected, though. I had a difficult time actually saying what I am. Oddly, when I tried to say the word vampire to Charlie, it got caught in my throat, wouldn’t come out. Edward had to finish my sentence for me. Then, after Edward blurted it out, I actually considered denying it… until I realized how crazy that would have made Edward seem. It didn’t help that Charlie asked Edward to repeat himself, four times.

The funny thing is, when I say that I’m a vampire out loud, I start to question my own sanity. All the myths and stereotypes I heard growing up left me with a distorted view of what a vampire really is. If I learn to let go of those preconceived notions, I think I will start to accept – and more readily believe – that I am, in fact, a vampire.

The whole time we were explaining ourselves to Charlie, Edward could, of course, read his thoughts. This was very frustrating for me because I wanted so badly to know what Charlie was really thinking. I didn’t want to make him scared or uncomfortable in anyway. Edward shot me the odd reassuring glance  to let me know everything was okay, thankfully.

Charlie spent the majority of the conversation with his hand wrapped tightly around his Rainier beer, his knuckles turning whiter than mine. A few beads of sweat drizzled down his face, and his chest heaved up and down as his heart rate sped up.

Once we finished talking, we asked him if we could step outside in the back yard, while the sun was still shining, to show him how our skin glistens. He said he’d “rather not.”

Typical.

We went outside anyway, though. His curiosity got the best of him, and he followed us. I was wearing a loose fitting, short–sleeved peach colored dress, cut just below my knee. As soon as I stepped out into the sun, Charlie’s eyes lit up and his face had so many inexplicable expressions.

I was petrified.

Again, Edwards mind–reading would have come in handy for me. I didn’t know if Charlie thought it was beautiful, or completely horrific. Then, he said it, he answered my question as though he could read my mind. “Bells, you’ve always been my beautiful little girl. This though, this is angelic. You… you’re gorgeous.”

Finally, relief.

Then Charlie collapsed.

Edward was on the phone to Carlisle, seemingly before Charlie even hit the ground. Later Edward explained he heard Charlie say he was feeling “extremely light–headed” in his thoughts.

I was extremely worried about Charlie, but I was more upset over the fact that I couldn’t do anything for him. I couldn’t risk getting that close to him. I still don’t know my own strength.

One wrong move, and I could kill Charlie.That thought scared me more than anything.

Edward and I hadn’t been hunting in a while, either. My throat felt like sandpaper that had been lit on fire. I knew I had control, for the most part, but I didn’t want to risk anything.

Luckily Carlisle arrived very shortly after Edward had called. Charlie was slipping in-and-out of consciousness the whole time, saying things that didn’t make sense. Carlisle worked his magic and had Charlie back in the house, in his bed, sipping some sort of fluid that had electrolytes in it.

For obvious reasons, I decided to hold off on telling Charlie about Nessie. One thing at a time. Before we left, though, we explained to Charlie that he couldn’t tell a soul. And, I gave him a brief description of the Volturi. He was half–listening to me and half glancing quickly from Edward to Nessie and back to me in disbelief. I told him to rest and figured I would tell him the rest once he recovered from the shock of everything.

I kissed him on the head, then left.

Carlisle stayed behind for a few hours to watch over Charlie, even though Charlie claimed to be “just fine.” Though all of this was very dramatic, the real drama didn’t start until Edward, Nessie and I returned to the Cullen house. I have a few things I need to take care of right now, but I will write again soon and let you know exactly what happened once we got back from out visit with Charlie.

-Bella

March

26th

Dear Diary (No More Lies)

I have to tell him.

At some point, I know he will find out anyway. And, after seeing Jacob literally burst into wolf form right before his eyes, I don’t think it should surprise him – too much.

Charlie needs to know.

He needs to know the whole story, he needs to know what I am. I can’t keep coming up with excuses about my appearance, Nessie’s extremely fast mental and physical growth rate, and my cold, stone body. I can’t keep coming up with excuses as to why I can never be out in public on the rare sunny day we have here in Forks. Most importantly, even though he’s asked to remain uninformed, I can’ keep lying to Charlie.

Edward said he would come with me. I know I’ll need support on this one. I’m going to bring Renesmee, too. He needs to understand what she is.
I never thought the day would come, where I’d have to sit my Father down and explain to him that I’m his vampire daughter. The worst part, though, will be explaining how I ended up like this. I can’t say how Charlie will react to the fact that Edward was the one who turned me, under necessairy circumstances, of course.

Tomorrow is supposed to be sunny during the afternoon. I plan to tell Charlie then. I want to bring him into the backyard and step into the sun, so he can understand fully what I am. It was important for me to wait until his heart was fully recovered before I told him. And now he’s “healthy as a horse,” as he likes to say. Although, after tomorrow, I’m not so sure how good his heart will be. I will definitely have to make sure he’s sitting down… and that he’s had a few Rainier beers into him, too.

I will write again soon and let you know how he took it. I’m hoping for the best, but prepared for the worst.

Write again soon.

-Bella Cullen

 

February

4th

Dear Diary (My Surprise)

Remember my 1953 Chevrolet pickup truck? The one Charlie bought for me from Billy Black when I moved to Forks? Well, if you’ve been following my story, you would know that Edward purchased me an “after car” for after I was turned.

It’s a beautiful car. It’s fast, too. Different from my old pickup truck, to say the least. It’s a Ferrari F430. Nice to look at, but Edward always knew I missed my old pickup truck. It’s been parked on Charlie’s lawn for the longest time. To my disappointment, it stopped running. I thought I’d never get to drive it again, until Edward surprised me with it today.

It’s not exactly the same as before, though. It’s faster, stronger, and has a polished exterior. Reminds me of myself now. Edward compared the old version of my truck to the human version of myself. It was strong, yet so fragile at the same time. It was rusty, kind of how I was on my feet as a human. And it was constantly on the verge of dying, only to be made into something faster, stronger, and more beautiful—also like me.

Edward redoing my truck is somewhat symbolic of the new me. Its paint is glossy and sparkles in the sunlight; it drives fast; it’s strong, resilient, and it runs quietly. But most importantly, it’s still the same truck, just like I’m still the same Bella.

Besides Nessie, this has to be the best surprise I have ever received in my life. Edward knows how much I love my truck, and he wants me to preserve a lot of my human qualities. The qualities that, along with my scent, made him fall in love with me.

Charlie and Jacob were in on my surprise, too. They helped Edward with ideas. It was Charlie’s idea to put tires on the truck that are strong enough to trek through quick sand . . . for my safety, of course. Charlie still worries about me. He has no idea about my strength, speed or, well . . . that I’m his vampire daughter.

I’m so very happy to have this part of me back. It brings back vague memories of my first day at Forks High School. Thinking I was going to be miserable and depressed during my entire time here. Wishing the rain would just dry up and the sun would shine like in Phoenix. And most importantly, wondering who the beautiful bronze-haired boy was who took my breathe away. Now I no longer have to wonder. He is my life now, and I am his.

Rosalie, Emmett, Edward and I are going hunting tomorrow. Nessie is going to stay with Esme and Carlisle while we’re gone. They love spending time with her and she adores them equally.

Well, I think I’ve completed a successful diary entry for tonight. I’m going to go have some bonding time with Edward while Renesmee is asleep. I’ll be sure to write again tomorrow.

-Bella

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